Episode
Description
Hot off the Renaissance Faire, the whole gang is back from hiatus… and very drunk. Kumail Nanjiani and Matt Gourley join the stage while Mayor Harmon proposes a new religion.
Transcript
how everybody
after years on Hiatus harmontown is now in session
you’re not here live in Hollywood California Meltdown Comics I am dressed as a pirate because I came from the renaissance fair with all of the the harmontown cast more lesser charge
thank you
thank you welcome back
we all missed each other I missed you too yeah we took a month off was good that we took a month off I didn’t really miss you during that month I wasn’t exactly ready to come back at a Renaissance Fair yeah we went to the Grand Hyatt
it’s it seems stupid to even bother to say it but I I have to tell you I ate that doesn’t mean that I’m giving myself an excuse that doesn’t absolutely take it upon myself to give you your $10 worth is it still 10
you’re not walking out of here feeling like you you wasted $10 that’s the that’s the fucking Harmon guarantee but I am so drunk and so high
because we went into it we went we got a bus dressed as pirates I got into a field and we went to a place like we do it we’ve been doing this every year for the last four years I’ve got the Renaissance Fair you don’t you don’t know what it really is it’s it’s a it’s a goddamn Mecca it’s it’s it’s more than Comic-Con it’s it’s a more important thing it’s it’s a it’s a Malcolm X level like actual like statement of bucking position did you go to the turnstiles and then it’s like you’re the nerd now you’re the nerd why don’t you look weird you’re the fucking nerd we like the Renaissance a little bit not enough
you don’t like it or not where’s your eyeshadow would you but you just fucking bully them you’re you’re the fucking nerd tonight and it just nothing bad happens to anybody but it just like your blood pumps my that’s why I go and I was going to plastic story you’re the fucking nerd
is that what you get out of it
you’ll find the Clippers are a product of a given him a great group 702 big for a slippers
you don’t have my own socks
everything I’m wearing right now is from the women’s section at Buffalo Exchange thrift store
these fucking pirate pants look like a big ass billowy shirt the wig
specifically look like cookie cookie cookie
it’s hard to believe that there’s a there’s a time and place in America when women and we’re pursuing the
alright then Jeff just happy I I I I guess I’m experiencing might happen is through an angry before we had ever gone to the Renaissance Fair together I was against Renaissance Fairs who’s sounded really stupid it sounded like a big bummer it sounds like a lot of people doing fake and taking taking something stupid to seriously and so my friend has half of it that the youngest of this a pack land she was she also hate I’m going to Renaissance Fair because I hate it because it’s stupid and I have to go look at in there I have to go confront my my my Terror she went and how was it I applied for a job
I don’t know why I don’t know why I like it I don’t know if it’s ironic I don’t know if it’s sincere I think it’s a combination of both something magical happened in there and it has absolutely nothing to do with history nothing to do there’s a there’s a million goggles like a steampunk leg is kind of like like I kind of weird syphilitic you like good day and it runs through it to the point where there’s no key to buy steampunk goggles at the renaissance fair cuz they’re like somehow I know how that’s the point that you could wear that would make someone want to beat you up
bunch of people I call where are you going who’s going to beat me up. Your culture sexuality were guys are just all right culture
if you have a Tumblr bloggers and you would like to get outraged that’s right Toledo with a c h
it’s a form of Toledo holy Toledo if you’re interested in rape culture and the elimination of it
Irwindale California where people are juggling
hello Milady would you would you like a hard 6 inches of something hard and transparent to go up into your purse like every every every fucking thing is like a joke about non-consensual sex absolutely what what am I need gloves of the thing at everybody
as long as I recall the Vibe by going to kind of semantics. So looks like a dick doesn’t mean you can say it’s a dick in Lincoln still there and there’s been little it feel they’re like well if you can see if you can if you can connect then
funny when you were telling a candle or a glass or a sword or a turtle
I think it’s satire of of rape for selling for a bit before right I think we’re going to 4 West and they put on the old like she looking like like you know Italian kind of Clans the night the city for the whole I think the whole goddamn town and I believe you’re leaving you leaving the Renaissance Fair as the sun is starting to say and it’s like it’s time to get to the feel the pain under toes are coming out
dirty like that sights set on somebody with a good to pick just like I’m going to fuck that corn dog 7 lady over there so much for that corn dog lady from what I’ve heard the paying customers leave when the end when the when the lights go down
when the anachronistic lights go down in the city
didn’t use a condom
maybe somebody in our audience can hit me to the actual details are three people here tonight who lost their virginity at a reading fair
ramp and STD situation cuz nobody wants to work on us because I didn’t.
Yeah you know what you’re not going to stick and not give somebody herpes or AIDS or whatever is up I heard that it was just spirochete to pop it and then the old
alright alright so
professor
figured I would come up with and put that’s what I’ve heard. But it’s where the party was going on the party bus
Te’o’s limos and there’s limousines in the state of Missouri and Chippewa case that they usually relegated to developmentally empowered
students where they strip the tent off the windows and then put it back on now it’s for partying to your kids as if it’s a short bus but they’ve taken out of the season and they put but nothing I would on the floor and there’s there was at least one stripper pole that yeah it has to have a good time we can look you can see it
we save the rest of my iPhone because I didn’t remember to bring my iPad that’s why tonight’s going to be great. We’re going to see you but wasn’t there are you okay
I wouldn’t come all right
the chances of flavor is funny and it was all about not using refusing to use one use plastic to stop at one of the gyre system is in the in the ocean and says the flavor of the beer and then they can’t pour it into the goddamn wouldn’t cut
fucking bullshit hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out while a place in element is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker at myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdy is Phil married like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
now how’d you get too drunk and hide in hide your day start well I was going to
I didn’t wasn’t there a news item was in there a party bus for a woman was dancing to his party bus thing and then she fell through the floor no one heard about that I got it. Worry about I worried about it tonight tonight we were brought to the block. I had it the whole time I was down the road and people are unhappy about it
message him and he’s just had a bad time we had a good time today, I can’t believe that parrot stayed safety pin to your shirt your shoulder the entire time
all right come on give me a beat give me a beat and rap
why do we
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
so you’re done with your mama down to the ceiling and floor and just cuz I just ran the words floor and floor and when I’m done getting fucking your mama going to run some more I thought your mama and then I thought your mama was their shoes on Earth I fuck your mom has legs but you’re but I thought your mama is a tie and your dad said what I said hey mister do meaning of fence I just fucking your wife it’s the best defense
and he was like woah okay when we process this
and after a while he was open to it he got dressed up as Spiderman sat on the chair watch me fuck your mama and he didn’t seem to care if he started rubbing his crotch and getting hot I fuck your mama let her name is tater tots 2
everyone and you you were taking a bath I can creep in and I said let me help you with your math
who is polar but what’s going down below here in Moore
down the drain everyone’s homophobia is catching the train will go in cross-country the more I look every Advance more everybody’s cool with everything you say yeah all the races yeah your mom has some more black people game people are having everybody on Heartland
I know that’s why you came here tonight I thought I thought your rent would be a little bit more Renaissance 8 I thought I thought it would only one of your rhyming the same word a couple came out
put on her shoes I’m really drunk yeah yeah it’s not you that allowed to just say your truck how high are you I’m super high all right so let’s get weird
we’ve been off for a month we have we that we do we’re coming back with the best show ever
there’s nothing
let’s get let’s get let’s get Goku mail
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
by the way if you don’t look like your face doesn’t match the Renaissance really is like Spencer we all know that bother to dress up for something but if a Renaissance guy came through a portal if he caught a glance it’s by 30 building
Alchemist
and all he did was put in a mustard shirt
Spencer I just
you guys are dressed like assholes
where did you get that hat is my hat
when the sun’s out that the hat before going to the game it’s great yeah it’s got a very straight bill it doesn’t impede my vision no I got it at all this stuff in a costume place I just went in there and came out was that your first Renaissance Fair experience is my first all sorts of experiences the drink Mead there’s a turkey leg involve I was surprised that you were that you wanted to go okay
I’m like no I want to cider what is meat taste like is it just like beer and then it has these weird flavors that tastes bad that’s about all I’ve been able to understand in terms of flavor profile of alcohol will get there are fine I just got back in town this evening I’ll ever would have loved to have fun.
I haven’t been up to anything I’ve been hanging out I was in Atlanta which is actually is anyone from Atlanta
this what
is it okay thanks that’s crazy
Jordan Creek movie that was
for the black and white one called Atlanta
it’s a it’s a good cuz I was Mad Hatter yeah that’s fantastic like all the traffic lights are on strings that’s weird I just hanging from string
do you know here we have them on poles and stuff strings hanging from the Stars know the ceiling
nobody tell him nobody telling
Atlanta the entire cities endorse I don’t know why I didn’t even notice Play Roads and they have a lot of traffic signals and they just have like six or seven traffic signals just on this big string strung between two poles weird it’s not even that’s not funny it’s weird I didn’t notice that is Atlanta lady has agreed that I was literally the only take away I had you feel like somebody’s trying to make you fat that’s the takeaway I took their like you don’t want for the side you want no fried chicken biscuit it was $2 for $2 both Nashville in Portland and everywhere but Los Angeles
protein low lactose to go in and get a little fish and we ordered food and we do some funny story last music this woman came in and I’m not going to do the southern accent like imagine like a racist version of that and then don’t change anything
and he’s like a funny thing happened I came in that you asked for
just like Stan
nope I think the world was silent for 3 minutes and I do want to put in our order
history guy
I mean it’s been a very linear 45 degree rise like I do perceive your life is changing and Quantum ships but you are now a regular character on this Mike Judge show evening shifts happening in your reality no I mean I get recognized College hotel or something there’s a lot of that you like hey how are you never seen your face before so I’m taking this
hey did you watch my new show and she said yeah and then it was started for longer than it was silent with that waiter in Atlanta
she didn’t say anything and it seems like it’s good and that was it great
I do want them to love it
love the puppet show your son is on what do you think you were their curse about you’re like a career what what do you think there is blocking them from just being a fugitive or being upfront about what they don’t like about it was in town and he sees him every other week he lives like buy them and I like hanging out with my brother and I was like how is your relationship with our parents is your fire
that says something or their parents to you
and he was like he was like I was or how weird is that because that’s that’s their Identity or is is that you could you expand that and say that the pakistanis kind of cultural thing or no I don’t know I mean I don’t know how many parents have kids who is it or is it a religious thing your parents are your parents Muslim for instance devout Muslims but I think this is more like you don’t usually when you have when your parents your relationship involves going to be getting there just your caretakers and they’re your disciplinary than as you grow it becomes more of a sort of a friendly relationship does that kind of worms do it that we have a warm spot across like the line into actually being able to talk about stuff
lesbians like Dan like you in tribe of my Midwestern friends but I felt like my parents were like lizard people and there was a certain it was like I remember being a kid and laying my head on my mom’s laugh and it was and then and then I remember the day when my mom tried to touch me and I was like a religion did have something to do with it but it was also more over it was almost like there was an unspoken tradition about the nature of kids and their parents that that I I I hit an age where actually on both sides there was an unspoken agreement that like this is all yeah we’re not we’re not we’re not cuddling anymore because there’s no reason to be it’s not me
check episode when Spock says like that well it’s every 7 years before I joined Starfleet I have to go back to my planet and I got to fuck her fight by the 3rd and language of there’s a compartmentalization it has learned from them at me I was like a person and I think they never were able to reconcile the person with their son so I think that divide us develop into like an actual
they didn’t feel they were a part of that change of that shift I think it probably weird amount that I’m not the same you know I’m very different from when I was a kid I was very very shy like I wouldn’t talk like this is kind of revealing it’s weird I had this weird stuff at the store I thought they wouldn’t like tell me stuff here in the states or back home back home back home cuz I thought that I was until like I was pretty like old and so I thought so because I’m ugly
I am introverted and then this element me and I was like you more outgoing in like talkative and stuff and see what I can from how I start I worked and that’s how it came which was weird ask your mom if you were handsome
I did
tell me how old is exactly as you see I living room
my mom
A1 detail can make a story go from funny to side
I’m getting a car soon but tell me am I handsome
mom if I can go back and sort of pinpoint when your relationship with your mom got
from 0 to 10
I am in my mind since she’s in the kitchen like like like like putting a sandwich in a bag
pregnant at 22
10 gentleman walks into the kitchen a Ralph Macchio felt hat of his frosted denim jacket
good luck getting what you want to say you laughed
what game are the people of what is your weather face do in the weather today
immediately made it clear that that was one of the worst questions you never ask a mother everyone like it’s Mother’s Eyes
what happened that day then that led you to that question I say something like I was some girl in high school that was that was finding them
no I haven’t use charcoal twine
what is the plan to go back to Arms with your mom’s response as a reply
my mother and I believe you
someone just told me I look like name and I have a list of references
I don’t know this will shock you at the age of 15 when I asked my mom if I was good-looking I didn’t know what I was doing no idea where it was going to go from there. You’re fine and handsome 22 inside my kitchen being weird not fair to me I need I need I need a government subsidy if I’m going to be real hot stud
you sure to use your Hot Pockets
student coming everywhere
good for video games call Brian Gary Busey
I am at my friend’s house
let’s bring my fiance and Matt Corley at the same time
there’s no way that
when is leaving Grand Canyon what do you want
how to do these are just two other people that woke up too early or late
looks like a million by Matt this is just been a trip to your girlfriend’s closet if I’m not mistaken it to my girlfriend’s wardrobe how many how many how many men in blind that they would like to have non consensual sex with you
do it while you’re watching your circular dirt road around a bunch of vans
Banfield
just arepa
it really is I I don’t know what the protocol for a guy is if you’re walking with your girlfriend down a dirt road and everyone’s like dress like two cans ham and Barney Rubble and whatever the other thing is just a guy I got a glass blank Stan if he goes like hello looks like you’ve got to glass
are you you’re supposed to make me Willy Loman or anyting am I supposed to stop and smell the roses there was a point there is a there was like a enough salesman or like a ball salesman is like how many and I want to go to him is he like
I’m going on and on and dance Ed and you’re in a forest of children
where is what she was doing that but she’s like what if I said that there was like 18 children their Collective there is this was like half a dozen children
please let me know there’s this guy at the Mead hunt sure wherever we were I don’t know and he had that he was selling the special deal where you at least like sponges full of cold water and he would put them on the backs of women to cool them down
are you selling this Mighty and then the girl that had it done her boyfriend was right next to him and he let me put it on her chin and yeah cuz they were ball-shaped yeah
if your geiger counter is it won’t last five things are very respectful
I had to tell her something you don’t usually don’t usually see commercials an epidemic of these kids proposing to their girlfriends that probably seems like the kids propose
prom totally unrelated from that I just met someone backstage name Luke hey real quick what are you doing for prom
where is he
I’m really confused right now
high school. I know I was here and I but I have a lot of questions do you watch that happen
play no I thought you were saying I thought you were saying Erin the door people are proposing for marriage
I thought maybe that intro way too qualified and I did not embarrass Luke is Tim working
can I do it again you cannot do that okay so I thought I thought you were asking me to go to do they’re having fun
and asked me if I could get him in Luke what’s the girl’s name
OK Google let’s try it again with more sincerity
and action are you guys friends
do I know you know each other
done that better what were you hoping for
why didn’t sound so expected to fall in love in a marriage proposal
God forbid that go wrong are you in the Renaissance
that’s happened there just but you guys are just friends that’s fine as a French bread
can helium kill your your your friends do you want to go to prom with each other are you sure that you at least want to Haley to go with you look this is a cultural things that separate proposals and tell you like I can we live in our world now we’re like you were coming to a podcast and do that are your friends also do a different podcast does the guy Doug Loves movies right now
yeah you couldn’t work up a flash by Haley and try to get out for a while. What’s the saying Rockets protocol
really guys initiate
you be spent on whatever car last guy when you go to the prom with me the guy would spit on them
you’re putting yourself as much as you’re putting yourself out there a guy asking a girl to probably way more we haven’t progressed to that point yet what percentage would you say that you thought that was a done deal that she was going to say yes be careful with that shit in the bag
we’re going to too many frogs
take pity on her chest
no.
ameliorating physically attractive
nervous about how you look as a kind of guy that hasn’t had it looks work he knows the answer already we all do
going with the climb
I just came from that you could ask a girl to prom in any way will you go to prom with me on a plate
sister say yes to take her to a show embarrass the fuck out of her
fucking Luke mad
fireluke a little back there was nothing in there was no amount of flowers I can give to a girl that would make her do anything romantic past did you pay for it I went I went to highschool did you did you do it in high school or I went to highschool did you did you get any action I went to high school did you attend the prom or yeah yeah I mean I had friends that were girls not hard to do you know they love bill of good writing themselves up
all right up again
what year did you have did you have a high school sweetheart
talking about myself as I do and there was a girl in high school
is there a big promposal you go to a dances in high school they’re actually we did Middle School have a lot of high school basically only have like homecoming and prom so I didn’t go to homecoming because those were just like a glorified football game I mean there was a dance but no one even went to that it was just part of the football game everybody went no nerd
I wasn’t their football game part but like there’s like an auditorium no one was in it like there was like there’s literally a dance that people were attending because they’re watching football School football score
that’s where he learned his what it what is it the wolf in the morning we have to Cleo use out of the field it is a job for ten men know just send Spencer
I mean this is best like dramatized but I was like that guy like what there’s weird stuff people be like you know I eat that bug for me I need it
I need someone to eat this bug did you not in high school
I mean
are water bugs a weird man I mean people actually people actually eat bugs like as a normal thing it’s normal to then I guess I should have went to that first
this is a weird week one or two I don’t eat anything that has a non-standard number of legs so I can see you or 4 is okay what about oysters or clams live stock in the past yeah but they were born with 4 legs right what about the what about like milk-fed three-legged veal I don’t do feel like I got a lot to know what they look like they look like giant bugs
you won’t eat lobster by the way I got to say is never been said before Spencer again but I think Phil’s Seafood it’s not an immoral thing I’m just kind of creeped out by it you don’t like it cuz it gets a little legs thank you have you ever had good octopus know it’s got like eight leg that’s some good shit Bro octopuses good shit I have to post a strawberry but when it’s good it’s like
it’s a real people hear you and I ever dated for three years and we’ve got out to several places where they have octopus and every time you get it you’re like not the good stuff anymore
play the new year that the octopus expert but I think maybe you were drunk one time and you add octopus to every other time
even a very fine restaurant. Like no not the same as I can take take but who cares but delicious delicious
okay it’s alright alright it’s time for my next segment what time is it we we started doing the show again we sure do my I’m a little I may be a little drunk at 11 also a little bit High
but how do you get high didn’t see you smoking it for wheels are there wasn’t some joints went with bus where you at I was on the bus paying attention I don’t know anyways I need to grow up I need to be a better person this is all very irresponsible these people paid $10 when they came here in record numbers tonight
I would like to start a new religion
just
do it
I just I just finished listening to going clear the book about scientology is it what’s the perspective is it like this like a religion is like a fucking gangbusters fucking Financial jackpot but I guess he’s weird like kind of voodoo heard about it and you have like these weird legends that you’ve heard about it there’s fucking crazy people that are in charge and all the stuff but like listening to that book like the six hundred page book The Story of the thing is it’s the same thing in emerges when you watch Book of Mormon with who wouldn’t just saw like too much fun of new modern religion of course
stay there for a hat
Hitman the new religion their only fault is that they’re still knew that they can talk about stuff that like that the concept of a lie so now I only have part of Scientology pretty good racket
by the way it going on like that
repeat the government that’s a good religion
any religion that beats the fucking shit out of the government holyshit what I love is when you get really worked up it looks like a parent is nodding along to what you’re saying and yeah that’s right that’s a good religion
book fuckers like sat in a room with the IRS I would play
we don’t know what to do anymore you’ve bankrupted are fucking legal department and that and Scientology was like yeah we’re on our knees to give me to give me the fucking agreement with the the best that we forget that money making stuff he just mentioned
that’s all part of our new religion l.ron Hubbard of it doesn’t give a fuck like I I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t have no money to make I don’t want to set the office and I don’t want to make any money
are there is there okay you hold the cans in there I feel like there is a neurologist calling Scientology right now
which is fine because I I mean I read the book
A lot of people like benefit from any religion that you start you don’t have to actually Rob anybody blind you don’t have to do anything lately Dianetics would El Ron Hubbard wrote Dianetics it was kind of an open-source kind of thing listening and reading that movie your reaction every moment of it was like oh my God are mistreating me of other people like that sir but you were also a God I could make my own that’s that’s possible but like your reaction to Scientology religion isn’t like oh God this is great this is doing so much good for people
three religion does a great for people if you can
play Jen is doing good for people there is no such thing really is the only the only thing that hurts people is like his government is when you tell people you have to go into a fucking double wide trailer and sit in their big with no air conditioning and do these things that’s that’s not religion that’s fucking government what do you what do you mean when you if you if you say to people I have a way of philosophy I have a way for you to connect with the unknown of the universe there’s no way that can hurt anybody. True all you have to do is give me all your money and go shoot up this building then you’ll get an A
you’re praying I would not religious but you want to make your own government or you want to make sure you would never have to tell anybody what to do then what will people do you you wouldn’t respect your religion and lizard fucking Branch over into politics and government over its government and Scientology just tell people what to do so then what is what I read in that book is like the evening
the second attempt at the first time I check out at the whole time
we tend to politicize religion in a way that makes you stay okay we we weigh them on the scale is their own religion supposed to do that very thing I’m curious though I have a family member Who’s involved in the Christian religion and she really hear out
Bowser’s disbelief that she believes she’s taught where the Lord will provide and we’ll take care of it and has been into unhappy marriages and won’t divorce for that reason and that there’s any political about that is that how would you answer to that I didn’t edit them too drunk and high. I’ve heard all of that but
what I’m trying to say is that I cried I didn’t actually think that it is intentional because truly whatever and whatever what I’m trying to say it shouldn’t really be that controversial all I’m trying to say is that there’s a component of every religion that just at owns the individual consumer with the unknown and costs nothing and doesn’t demand anything when you do but you’re rooting for Scientology cuz it beat the government announced results
every religion is about clean-living every religion has about looking within yourself figuring out what you’re ashamed of and and laying it out there and like coming clean and there are people within every religion every even the ones that we call Kohl’s there are people that are built that belong to those organizations who get benefit out of it who are just in the middle of the bell curve who are just like oh I I walked into this thing and a guy told me put on this red hat and your part of red hat has them and red hat has some means that you you flap I had up and down and then you go like
I think that I was a bad person for jerking off and I don’t feel that way anymore.
Yeah catch him up
there are Ordinary People Who derive good there are give you something to believe in the crazy stories about magic underwear or is super duper hats or like like they paid this month this money to this political fund or whatever we we way these religions on a Triple Beam scale so all I’m saying is okay so if that’s the problem then what if you started a religion it didn’t have any of that if I could promise you know fuck Buddhism Lady of the lady in the front rows of Buddhism know the title of this song
there’s no there’s no there’s no no
couldn’t beat the IRS it’s not it’s
finish up that she was Richard Gere involved in it it’s too and if you have a long way to go to explain your religion and also put the clip in the clearlight you know where it has to be a profit based on profit I’m going to I swear I know you’ve heard this before
but I swear I won’t make any of you kill anybody I don’t believe I don’t believe
call yourself
I swear to God this time
like I know it seems I know it seems like these guys but their religion this time I swear you won’t have to kill anybody father Harmon
father Harmon I I I I just I saw I saw your flyer at Froyo
I just moved to Los Angeles and I moved here with my husband and my daughter and I came home and there was a note from him saying that I was an unfit mother and they if they’ve left me I can’t afford to pay my rent and I don’t know who to turn to I know that I need something in my life I saw on your flyer that you offer you’re not going to tell me what to do but you’re going to make me feel good but also I owe you money and I just wanted to know what do I do
first black man on a rock band doing
fire ban call pillars of fire and we are meeting that’s the first thing we just need to put it put together a band
Virginia’s at the band version of a bass player
the Rolling Stones have you heard of Christianity thank you
both of them needed basic piercings I’m a little drunk I’m just saying
I agree with you because I think people of our in our demographics by religion off Hanley and without giving it any thought on every single religion I got a lot of stuff I agree with you on that
what is the essence of hot like what is the secret that you’re giving or the discomfort they should bring
accurate as soon as I find out my retirement the government is there a religion that I made one I know I don’t know I’ll figure that out later if I have the sneaking suspicion you have
but it sounds to me that perhaps you kind of fancy yourself the leader of this religion I swear to God I swear to God
geology what is God in this new religion I don’t want spoilers
is it open
what does that mean in Christianity the first ones spoilers
do you think do you think there was a screenplay in place before they greenlit the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey so you think that I ever tested some yellow contacts I didn’t know what the fuck they were doing with Jim Carrey wake me up in into a project you can see that you are a Grinch Stole Christmas religious that what you’re shooting for I would rather be fast furious 7 whatever number you can put your back into it the Grinch who stole Christmas by dr. Seuss is to the movie The Grinch who stole Christmas with Jim Carrey what is the source material like what is the like if this is a really big her backing into
is there a thing such a Feeling
I know that might sound like a prophet and I don’t
you have my word, I am out I promise I am not a prophet I want to smoke with you had a good one
is Wake Forest
wagging your finger at at I got really really upset you want to do something terrible to people I want Jack today and he came out he walks like an inch off the ground
all right for real
alright just think for a second about your fears about what happens after you die
and just imagine for one moment
is that I knew
she’s not a
he’s not a prophet I swear to God I’m not a prophet just a guy with a hypothetical
if I did the why wouldn’t you drink out of what’s going on and what question is this what if we building a compound
everybody’s not the big bad guy
just think about it you fucking you parasite
are you inferior maybe you should leave
a moment where someone is assigned to feed your parrot
just think about what your soul wants
do you suspect 20
call for your wife
parent Gabriel fallen from heaven
just think about everything that you’ve ever wanted in your life and now imagine having twice as much
I meant down ask yourself why you don’t have it I’m just mad I want you to get mad about you not having twice as much as you want
just want to help you have
what is the bore and it’s not a cult
it’s not religion and I’m not a prophet I’m not doing anything to you you don’t have to do anything I say ever
you just have to wait
you just broke a bike sign of apathy
we’ll work on it will get an open-source religion its open-source you’re going to feed into it what what’s it called it’s called nothing motherfuker it’s called fuck you
it’s called Harmon terminology
terminology you and I just made that up I just made it up
I just talked to you about it just came out I made it on time to bring up Loop
all right so usually at this time in her show we played there’s a dragon sweat.
but I refused yeah I was not allowed to leave I told you he wasn’t allowed to go and work on DND so he just had to come up in the sit here I just writing writing holy writings for you behind the scenes but I told him if he you could come up here and I’ll DM for you I’ll do anything
I like the sound of that all right then what do you want you want to go to the table unit you want to see what time what time is it 9:25 okay that’s a good time alright I’ll pay for that
you’ll pay for it with your
with your prayers
because it’s not it just not it’s not a call by the way we’re going to work on it anymore I want to go we don’t need it
all right hold on all right I’m going to okay alright thank you Monica and then Aaron gave him a bottle of water
thank you
well I’ll give you some music and you’ll enjoy just freestyle in Show Business Cannon does the new campaign the new RPG world
this is a new RPG I’ve developed it’s called this world okay let’s do it
Amboy great sounds great. You guys are all playing yourselves okay all of your stats are but I’ll tell you where you are okay well that’s okay I don’t want whatever he has has diet which surprise is almost nobody would describe
I love it by the way perfect throw DND maybe like a pen and pencil so I can keep trying to hit points
but I can point do I have in real life I’ll keep track of these from the collector’s edition of the the D & D that box that thing okay. Thank you.
or like I need one small thing and then you give it to them and then they want the world
Spencer in Matt do you really think I’d like to show you what I wrote and I can’t wait to talk to you guys and crazy you made up a new game next week to be like wow this religions taking off
it’s going to make people happy I don’t want anyone’s money you keep saying that to it’s not a call if you don’t want anyone to money is not typically associated with the concept of crosses and Bonnie does thought about money after the word religion was said that they lately that’s the problem well fuck all you guys who raise their hands
it’s a different thing this is RBG religion
alright I’m going to
my I don’t care
that’s fine I don’t care it’s Kumail and Jeff
you guys are in a 3 foot Cube
are we in liquid form
are we just pooping on each other
play been there for 3 minutes 3 pick you all right
alright Matt and Erin you guys are in a boat
Easy Street on a river
answer your and you’re in a rock here in a giant rock I’m in a row
turn huge Rock okay, but things to each other Spencer you can see River going east and west so beneath you okay
not a prophet he’s not if you guys are still in so if we just end up there takes us a couple like that you just
who’s playing the music
I was giving you a Spencer in trouble if you can set the scene
everyone noticed I thought you were going to give us a stage for us
the organ of the stage is set. Let’s go he’s on a rock there are no talk while you thought it was appropriate.
I think you met in the middle stage I’ll do it right now
do you want
proper spooky DM music I don’t need anything but I will give I will set the stage
Kumail and Jeff
did your life go
what happened in it
as your blurry eyes blink and flicker
our eyes are flickering what appears to be total darkness go taking nothing at all okay
what is my name Aaron and Matt
confused about your previous goings and comings
down a river receives you also go west
printer your knees are weary from kneeling
has your aching muscles than break
spray you rise your six-foot frame poking into the air
beautique in the world around you is this goal Define
the Lost Continent
but your father told you about
who knows you are l.ron Hubbard in so hard right now I’m creating a myth
could it be this world is yours for the inhabiting
know who could see
it’s up to you up to
translate a webpage into Russian and then back into English
battle physics okay so I put it at Kumail and just turn
where is your mouth gag to get rid of the three is in there with her asshole
and yes
deprived of all other sensory I just had a feeling you two need to talk I think one way out of this I have a theory maybe you should
lick it maybe we’ll see what happens what does the guy look Camille’s assholes
answer you are around talking about it but I guess licking my asshole is tiny spiders size holes open up in the box and spiders come in
Porsche it I’ll tell you what your spiders
what are you guys you guys are getting bit by spiders
stand up on top of a big river below. What do I do I have an empty bags to wrote three sticks
Shu shus a hammer a corkscrew to the wood together and create a frame and then I put a sack over almost like a sack cloth and I put another sack cloth in a bundle at Optimist like a head and then I put it down at the shore and I hide behind the Rock and look to see if anyone sees this crude figure I’ve constructed on the shore maybe by the Riverside or something I just sit and watch waiting for some Clues from hell yeah
minky Oban figure out of leather and stinks sit behind a rock yeah alright you’re in you’re in a boat and you’re going down you’re heading east
could be in a cube
I say we just rest this action out and relax I have some margaritas
are all I’ll bring this to your mouth and you bring your drink to my mouth what’s your perception
that life is pretty good
we don’t need no religion
you here struggling from the wood Glide
I mean maybe maybe we’ve got some more for ladies for severe pain
Matt Gourley
into your knee right there
for me to say was going so well and appears to be a goblin you recognize it as a goblin are the uses as a specific type of stone on the heads of their arrows Japanese Camille wrestling is if you’re pure cube is Ben Russell
is there a wrestling I’m too busy being attacked by spiders that we took damage though didn’t ya each of you to ask you but try to get out of this think I know what’s going to happen one two three
Matt and Erin
you hear a strange sound from below deck kind of collapsing hits your eyes for the first time in 6 months
six months I thought it was 3 minutes
male voices from below deck stored
and I I’ve just got to be able to protect myself and I have because I was going to take care of this guy I run downstairs
some party upstairs that happens okay, I’ll leave you alone I’ll leave you alone to happen happened and I’m very happy about that we should give them some time to let him do it I’m just putting some Bactine on this old Goblin wound that was the tincture little poultice there we go that’s better I feel good and no matter what I will tell you I love you
taking control of my own destiny looking outside the glass bubble what is Rihanna moving down the river boat shaped object
sailing down the Eastward Direction tell us profit
okay okay there’s a boat who’s in that boat I’m going to paint a lift up this crude aphogee I I made and I’m going to attempt to her lip I’m sure I felt throw it at the boat
I like your resolution mechanics cuz I’m here very unique water rolls
Aaron Matt and Kamel you hear a splash where Jeff doesn’t even if
uuc in effigy fly through the frame and then to the water my sisters drowning
are you serious
but you heard it I heard it I thought you went that way you heard nothing you said you heard what you said what you think was a hundo but it felt
I didn’t hear what it was
man that sounded like a plane idle to me you got a good are the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
I need perception numbers from each person spends on their knees. I know all your perception what’s mine
it must be bad how do you know how could you know that I asked Schrodinger where is his cat it’s in the box
better alive I don’t know I don’t know who let the sucker Drive
flying at you dragon
I threw it
Dragon I ran below deck and I use my sword to hack open the box to let out Camilla Mission if I roll initiative
onions have initiative
are you the smartest Dragons Dragon football field
100 yards
and their baby just this is a baby dragon how wide are they the length of a football game dragon there are a hundred yards and long and 30 yards wide
yeah scream 37 is supreme rap they have initiative I still have an occasional all six of them are going to attack while you’re doing it they’re attacking you and good luck because I
one dragon attacks are in
holyshit
want to text Spencer tractor by one Dragon Supreme rap
we can’t wait to see the result of Jesus Christ so each Dragon you get attacked
all right you’re all right you all right
same thing happened to Jeff as I sat on my shoulder by a dragon shoulder
leaving him with $20
Aaron gets bit I was attacked by two dragons Spencer
what smells walking over there
that’s a dragon as a general thing if 17 equal 80 damage to him how does 17 what math
what map leads 17 to become a TSA has his is there a math word that can work no I mean there might be some number remember that it is a big X an imaginary number what number * 17 gives you 80 all right because I want to be a prophet you have tremendous got issues you guys are iPhones the power of the god of Herman
Aaron Foster and Spencer
Spencer is Mary Falls Journeys and she feels like like like I know you’re not a prophet I know this isn’t a big deal I need to money on the back end for you you’re a good person and you’re not a prophet
they’re closing up he’s getting he’s gaining strength he’s becoming a more powerful character because Aaron did it right did you say I was to me
she said that I was a guy that I could buy it she said that I didn’t want to be
do you guys have fun
a tree a tree falls on Spencer
I want to try and Dodge what do you do you do you say that you admire me
admired Dan Harmon in prior knowledge but I don’t want to be anybody’s prophet
I just want to help people I just want to I just want people to be happy now that’s fucked up
I did wrong but it’s been some things in this universe that are faded conflate
is 100 spiders on ezviz
yes I go down into the Cuban Connection II 7buddha with what I saw in a medium yeah he’s here he’s not going to fight that Dan Harmon
he turns purple and he’s like deflating like a balloon and I Dan Harmon like standing over him and Buddha is like dying is dead
and just know that this podcast going on in the world
hey okay
all right so, shows up like Dan Harmon’s what’s up and I was like hey and I have no quarrel with you
and I was like cool word that he leaves he walks away he just goes away typical yeah but they’re cool they’re cool if I can cross the line
I summon l.ron Hubbard and Hubbard appears okay cool and dies
all eyes like I was down the street cuz I don’t want that
Monstercat 1980 my mom is busy right she’s like what are you doing Mike cast
cast find me attractive
yeah I charm her and she’s like you’re a good writer
and she’s like yeah you should take a bath. I’m taking a bath now
oh my mom’s being a little too proactive about watching me
I don’t know it’s good it’s good to be clean and going to make sure you’re clean but I’m 11 this is this is really really fast it’s fucked up, everybody just tiptoe out but I’m crying when I go to bed I’m sleeping but I have weird dreams like in there like I feel like that’s why I was like what sounds are allowed
now I’ve been given an Etch-a-Sketch for Christmas
and I brought the image of Allah I’m actually like I’m drying I’m figuring out that the through the lines you can see weird metallic thing underneath so I’m scraping the entire Etch-a-Sketch methodically so I can see what’s underneath it and it’s just two armatures and I like a bullet shaped metal thing and it’s disturbing cuz it’s coated in graphite and it’s disturbing it feels like pornography it feels like feels like the world is being controlled by robots
now dad’s home at 9:30
just got real and he’s not he’s not he has he’s fucking he’s going through should have his own because he’s basically me and you but 28
let’s be real 28 and his job is to take customers out so I can you know as a parent and his mom’s like children are terrible at he’s like
are there a hold on I’m rolling is that what do you want me to do I want you to be the father are you taking off his belt
I got he’s being sarcastic but the kids the kids don’t know they just know they just feel like they did something wrong with this is what you want me to do
are there still spiders on there just spiders everywhere and spiders and everything
wait a minute
there is a 42 there is a God
Erin mcgathy Frederick Craigslist
oh worship Dan Harmon
next week we started this new religion started this new religion right you
oh yeah I think you laid down the basic tenets of an already playing I’m going to be here all night
jealous bro.
If I do get the shower is at 5 we went to the ren fair you’re good for coming here $10 what are you going to do tonight
you can spend that you can play 3 free view games on the App Store
you’ll be spending more than that then
the store is close to going to exit out the back door if you will please
00 where was the fellow who’s died so these Twain
congratulations congratulations Luke and Haley yes congratulations Luke and Haley on your prom proposal
thank you