Episode: 171 – I Gymnastics Over To Her

Episode

Episode: 171 – I Gymnastics Over To Her

Description

Guest comptroller Ryan Ridley and guest Aubrey Plaza forge their way through the pseudo socio-political intestinal tract of Harmontown! Watch the video at harmontown.com/live

Transcript

all right
Garmin count is now in session
Pioneer Gas comptroller Ryan Ridley
coming in the state your game Master Spencer Fritz today
and now that Mare of harmontown it sounds like to me scary so it’s like it’s like the Halloween equivalent of turkey sandwiches were just like we’re just we’re just using up a couple extra scary things
I kind of like you do ghosts have unfinished business
all right well I’m not going to lie to you guys it’s going to be a bad show tonight we already discussed it beforehand I’ll just run through okay like the things that I wrote in Microsoft OneNote cuz fuck you Evernote yay it’s a good app I forgot to introduce me to it
all right so my therapist thinks it might but she keeps mentioning my bug bites before that of the mind but then she was like she’s like what’s going on with your arms like I have these if a flea bites me or a mosquito or anything like that like the bite is there forever that’s one of the many reasons why I am better off in LA and I like I think I’ve been Milwaukee where there’s mosquitoes like for a month of the year like oh just be covered in I don’t know I probably have some allergy or something like I don’t think it’s psychosomatic I don’t think it’s like a serious suggestion only man I really like you and my chiropractic like
but I trusted her like the chiropractor I get cuz he’s like not a real doctor so he’s just he’s just like like like oh and then the first time I ever took off my shirt and for my chiropractor so you can scam he’s like you have these open wounds on your back I might have you ever seen a person that ever ate anything besides Kale like that made me feel like I was when I pull out my my stuff before I lay on the table he’ll be like you should get a money clip for something at the monies lose somebody Jesus Christ
play Gali Gali Gali just like looks at me like a big giant like like a pile of matchsticks don’t say that word with open sores and it’s to stop bullying me but you’re saying it therapist really thought you just psychologically made spider bite look like in the movie from the 80s with the brute coronavirus coronavirus was in it as button face by I think I like my dogs didn’t take their flea meds during the divorce like for a week so said that there was probably a flea in the bed they love me and I got a couple of these bites like this is like no no no
anyways I’m just saying like I don’t trust my therapist they weren’t as she was like what are those things in your arms and you talked about this he leave focus on these things it’s like what is this like a cold read technique that whatever is weird you know of the person that runs their hands over their hair to go like what are you touching your hair and then like and then you try to bring it back around like that you just kill time for 15 minutes early to go so it’s like touching hair
and then the person supposed to go now and leave my therapist told me today that there’s a California law that you have to ask women if it’s okay to have sex before hand apropos of nothing she just brought it up so that made me laugh all nervous
and and you don’t believe her or I guess so did you send it cuz it Ryan started going to his current therapist that same situation as me you started going to a therapist that you met at out couples therapy over but you’re still seeing this person you were going to talk about that I don’t know if I’m not going to stop you like like like you went to her because she is open to the concept of polyamorous I mean specialty yeah alright couple broke up and then now he’s just seeing about his own brain working but every once in awhile
I think you should you should you workout your stress right if she if she was like you play too many video games to be like
regardless of whatever the situation is crazy lady but yeah I don’t know the but I don’t I mean come on you know what is she saying that my immune system is weakened because of my wounds from childhood or something like that like you’re doing her work for her it sounds like
I mean she went to this road I was like I just wanted to I was just like me and go on I had a friend who he when he would be really stressed he would have a weird reaction to his detergent and when he wasn’t stressed he wouldn’t so he would switch detergents depending on how how rough of a time in his life he was going to yeah we’ll know he hated the other one cuz I was allergic to a Mobius strip there I don’t I’m sure it’s there but don’t see it first and I just don’t want her to believe in this is that okay so that you know I don’t like illegally click there was that time when she kind of implied that she kind of a little bit believe in ghosts
we’re talking about our friend that passed away and I felt like I could see him on like I could sense him on sat on the community set like like cracking wise and stuff and like she was like and I was like I guess that’s the denial part of coping with the grief you know or ever if she’s like you just like a lot into this thing it was just like or maybe his Spirit like loaded down from Parks and Rec to to watch me shoot Community cuz he has he came back like a landed down at community
that makes much more sense than just I was fuked up a little bit about the concept of death all right so anyways bug bites from it is I keep in my therapist to supposed to like kind of exactly you want me to be happy she’s like yeah but I wish those fucking grossed lights weren’t on your arm feel like I just like like like I’m um Insurance performer and just want to know bro
all right just was just really really briefly this 3D touch on the phone I just don’t get it it’s a guy you can touch your phone too hard I don’t get it I don’t get it I understand you keep you keep pressing things and now it’s like it’s like you can’t if you press to hard it doesn’t do anything and I feel like I’m sorry I didn’t mean to press you too hard talking stupid tonight
Apple now in the business of like over the settings no that’s called something other than Apple the whole appeal of this thing as it comes out of the box and it works fuck you don’t even do nothing all you got to do is what read the instructions or are or go into the menus how about put two buttons instead of one then if we’re going to get all into the Hands-On customization Mega Scarlet Sky wants two buttons on his phone me to call it an iPhone Pro
two buttons maybe twice as much you could do and sinners like you didn’t touch it to her a chiropractor I tagged I made up with my chiropractor but the jury still out now I am worried about my therapist alone in the world I started to ice I bought two mannequins
two different. Probably going to come probably going to get it a real though it makes you bad people and here’s why because I think about it if you’re 42 years old and you’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 years and you just finished your first and last marriage that didn’t even make it as long as you usually dated are you a good person if you keep dating at that point like a fort 42 years you ladies are saying they’re just hot for me you just want
or are you do that. It’s just as assistant I’m really terribly clay clay clay clay clay it’s it’s the it’s the search commercial in you that’s like yeah it’s healthy to do what to subject yourself and other people to your emotional incompatibility like story of Frozen isn’t the one sister like I have missed seeing it but isn’t that good
Frozen Frozen Frozen
the parts place isn’t as if this were frozen than my sequined split mid-thigh gown that I made out of ice power when I sing the song what’s the song
Blake has a different shape but I got to be me that you did it
but if so why is it so hard to imagine me after a divorce going I’m going to order $6,000
and they’re closed and I don’t want to do I just sitting around approving of me playing Minecraft
wouldn’t that be if it wasn’t what’s missing from that Jonah Hill like like
you want my cat to talk in order to make that adorable believe me it is empowering it is important like I think what I’m doing is heroic is saying like I don’t want to I just want to I’m just going to tenderly kiss the ankle of of a dead thing and then Jenna jerk off at Take 5 minutes out of like a day and then I’m off the market I’m off to I’m back out here
helping you I’m not hurting you worse for me I mean that you’re doing it I would never want to do that that sounds like a horrible Twilight Zone nightmare at 42 to hang up your hat from love you don’t need to dial cart parts horrible to get to ask for approval from your accountant
no it’s okay guys sell them on why you want to spend the money right like he’s going to ask why should we justify that you but I have to explain to them Financial products emotional and spiritual Pride
certainly they said definitely going on the store but bite bite bite and definitely a crime being committed for whichever guys have to call the call the crate up the bottle feed up the mountain to my palatial estate where it where Beth boots and now with unobstructed by eucalyptus trees can watch my
my sweaty head bobbing up and down is that Foods in your neighbor thanks for the muffins backwards like a regular regular reference
I mean whatever the hell is that lets off a crane really I guess for a comptroller
gas
answer my joke I’m at my joke is that I mean to people that’s my joke it’s not just me everybody I’m always I’m always cranky and me and that’s my bit which makes me a great person I’m sorry to hear you’re great guy thankful to have you in my life good job Spencer thanks for driving me to work everyday or take you for
hey love how I drive you to work every day but you’re more than that to your friend as you’ve noticed I have six looks so that’s a big deal steel I look him right in the stomach with a cocktail. That’s why we met
God forbid all right well
her lifeless next week we got to work with her we did harmonquest which is a fantasy come true that the show itself and also getting a chance to to to to work with her and I’m sure you guys are big fans and she was great on the show and we took the opportunity to cajole her into appearing in the podcast look why don’t we bring out our new friend Aubrey Plaza
and if you want to drink later I can make you when there’s tongs
all right so I know your stick isn’t exuberance and mine is bad interviewing
and I didn’t I said your stick isn’t exuberance
and I’m a bad interviewer
so I’m going to push through and it’s all on me if it’s a terrible show cuz it’s some bad at what I do
what do you feel about sex dolls
I don’t know
I just did a movie about a sex robot that’s like a sex doll
and you know I think they’re fucking weird and I think they’re creepy and they make me sad
the man that used to make you sad to the idea that anyone specifically just like I don’t know if a person was like okay like 20 strikes and like like every time it got a little selfish of us to continually thrust ourselves out there out of loneliness and couple up and then like if we keep on learning over and over again that like like the same result keeps happening like like statistically isn’t it isn’t it it it to me there’s something like I should just go fuck a doll about recycling lately we meet we used to just throw everything in the garbage then someone was like Hey all that garbage didn’t go anywhere it’s like a big island in the middle of the ocean and it’s like they’re seagulls like like like that are that are that are affected by it or whatever the fuck they said and now we have to
Ann’s it’ll all of our homes and it just become custom like somebody has an aluminum can and they come up to you and they find you at your party and they go can’t find your recycling bin and you’re like okay I wrote it assholes I’ll deal
lake lake lake culture change. You know like an N sexually like aren’t we throwing away our sex when we when we have it with someone else I don’t know I don’t know I know
sometimes yes sometimes no answer from both of you crazy what do you think that you do you think that your diagnosable e crazy as anything in particular
I don’t know I have no idea I probably something but I don’t think I’ve ever been tested really my grandmother was crazy to a mental institution you know she just like how to break down she was crazy she would like knock on the walls and saying crazy shit and they just had to lock her up your ass I think like I mean I can feel that like like I don’t know like he coming on the Oroville idea that the walls are more Halo than there should be a relationship with
not really because she was pretty sedated when I was growing up family legend about her break cuz my mom is one out of nine brothers and sisters and it all kind of went down with my mom was like 8 so five of them had to go to an orphanage that were under 18 and then the four of them are just like on their own and so they were just like crazy stories about their whole thing for a minute because there was no parent at all no no no cuz my grandfather was sick but other than 18 of them got adopted by my foster grandmother who then had four of her own to the number 9 again
open on the ones on the orphanage there was like a fuck that I would be like 15 and I really don’t be fine
second from the left is this going to be online or something. It was in an orphanage she was in an orphanage in Delaware Catholic orphanage and it was a really fucked up they were like being tortured and they were like you know it was not a good situation and I and so you know her third grade teacher my foster grandmother like basically was like I want to adopt you and she’s like I’m not going out without my brothers and sisters cuz they were all trying to like run away on this stuff and sell them my foster grandmother the third grade teacher just adopted all of them and then had for so that means
teacher who became your who you knew is your grandmother she was teaching some kid who she was very fond of and who a clearly like suffering abuse at home my an orphanage or foster grandmother didn’t work at the orphanage she works just like your great what the fuck is going to fall in love with her and then she’s like I got to get you out of here and your mom did the the old sitcom cast sound
she was my third grade teacher to wow oh I didn’t do my homework she’s like yeah yeah so I guess it’s okay that you you fucked off this week and your guys lives do they come back yeah yeah there around 9:09
you got Yahoo I got no quit for that man it’s not your job to have quips not that kind of show
all right
he’s a substitute that as usual
I think about it everyday
I knew if I did a little digging do you think about it everyday that you might get that chemically you know I didn’t want to give that short trip like you think about it everyday that like they’re maybe like a little I mean but I’ll let you know I don’t I don’t you know I don’t know what’s going on just in general I don’t know if I could do it I don’t know what’s going on like somebody tweeted it me today really do you do this this isn’t that you might have borderline personality disorder and I’m like okay I’ll add that to the to the list
has ever said that to me I was looking it up and I was actually thinking Aubrey’s the guests tonight I wonder like league league this is actually kind of interesting cuz there’s now that nowadays online you can just look it up and you can just diagnose yourself as it let me type it in to talk about Seth talk about what what parks and rec was like for a second
where is a dream
not to make it to Heaven diagnosing me I was going to ask you a couple questions what we talked about that related to mental brain that’s something I think about a lot too
but like just like is going to happen again at any moment where were you where were you when it happened in Queens and I was going to I’ve liked told this story before so whatever I come to harmontown my friend’s apartment I was going to have lunch with them I was twenty and nothing weird was happening at all and I just in mid-sentence I was talking about a Hilary Duff concert that I take my little sister to the previous email do it
you’re drawing the wrong conclusion from this Ryan guy said the words Hilary Duff I had a stroke
God damn it I didn’t realize I was like I should have saved this thing with wait wait but what happened you blacked out or you what happened when I was in my left temporal lobe which means that it affects the right side of my body is so my right arm was like completely numb. Numb but it was just like it wasn’t connected to my body and I liked it and I was confused I didn’t know what was going on and then I had expressive Aphasia for a couple days which is where are you forget language completely and if you were talking to me I would like understand what you’re saying inside but I wouldn’t be able to respond all my God or right cuz the blood clots in My Language Center
like I’m absolutely we’ve had people to show it will we have a we have a friend who comes back was like survive multiple aneurysms and he’s like he’s sort of like waiting for the day cuz they haven’t figured out any solution to it so he’s just like waiting for you don’t you don’t really know like why that stuff happens but it’s also like if you were smart and emotionally which I’m not sure the people that like you could have had gone to the stuff are like like you would just accept the invitation that okay you can’t control anything so why not just like be yourself. Just eat that cookie that’s what I’m talking about you yeah that’s right
give me a cookie
I’m thinking about getting a cookie like a fake cookie from a website that just sits in the on a plate and I hit just like like nibble on it but it’s like the responsible thing for me to do that’s a person who’s been on a lot of diets like you guys can judge me but the truth is you’re the bullies do it like like like like like like like when people tweet you like like like I’m sure people just meet you and go like your piece of shit fuck you I just want you to like like like
I know that I’m positive I’m positive about this
campsites with electric that everybody I’m saying like but it’s like you didn’t put what I get I get like 2 weeks cuz it’s actually based on like my behavior like for you you could like write it off and go like well I’m famous and I’m an actor and it’s like why would I ever respond to this and also this person is just being me and it just wants to do the opposite of what they perceive the camera doing to me which is making me powerful and interesting and they just want to like drag me down as likely easy to write off I would think but for me it’s based on me being an asshole lately I’m doing wrong things with what I don’t understand is when people tweeted that you and go there 140 characters so they like 30% of tweets I get they like take you through the Journey of them not liking you like they lead with like I was if I was a big fan I like your shows and I like this and that or whatever but after that thing you did like now you I hate you and I hope you’re happy
are there I just like I do a tree bag of jelly what
respond to that
and how I responded to the people that like try to hurt me because I feel like there must be something that they could like reach you know that’s like not like that I need to reach because I don’t like to feel like I don’t like I feel like a sociopath sometime so I feel like like when somebody is like a fat Fox you’re in town today whatever I’m like well that feels like nothing but I’d like to talk to you for a second like don’t you think like if you could like like the Mayan to do you notice like where the seam of the armor like his right there like you’re aiming for the bat logo but like think about think about here
like like like an anabolic but I don’t really know where it is cuz if I knew where it is I would like to get in there in like reach-around but like I might come at likely come on just look look come on find it like why are you saying that it’s like a half couch like defensiveness and then half in like a deep friendship have you ever gone on that you realize we’re just the same man you and me I don’t think that would be the world’s greatest defense for when people ask me why I do it why I bother to engage but here’s a good reason why I did it cuz it’s something amazing like Jacques Cousteau life under the Twitter see this young lady tweeted me today she did that she took me through her little journey liking and then not liking me. And I said thank you that was that’s really interesting like how you went through that and like
if you’re living my life like you would do do so like like like much more gracefully in TaxSlayer whatever and I didn’t ask her anything I didn’t I just responded and then she wrote back she’s like I don’t know 2 to maybe be a good person to maybe apologize and I was like wait she’s hallucinating me asking her what I should do what should I do I don’t like you should look at this like you hallucinated someone saying what should I do lady like it like that like like like that means that no one ever idea what you’re talking about
what was the prophet that understanding I’m sorry what was it what was she hallucinating about whatever and then I said thank you very much like that’s very interesting goodbye and then she said I don’t know to maybe apologize or something I was like holy shit you made up in your brain you made up that I asked you anything because no one ever asks you anytime you just said thank you he was just like Oh I thought this was going to be not only a conversation or an argument but specifically one in which someone defensively says what do you want me to do because you need what do you want me to do ya like like dusk till dawn when he’s talking to Juliette Lewis
is it what you will what
I really wanted to find this
borderline personality disorder be PD also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder I mean give me a break is a cluster B personality disorder disorder called being a doctor lately like symptoms are being full of shit and trying to act like you’re not the essential features include a pattern of impulsivity and instability of behaviors interpersonal relationships and self-image everyone in Los Angeles the pattern is present other symptoms usually include intense fear of Abandonment fears of abandonment
yeah raised by or had to be handed down to you a little bit maybe a little bit can I get in on this no air
call Cheryl right welcome to the show but I’m talking about
dancer let’s just do the Grandma’s virginity podcast
I don’t have never heard it what happened to Matt and Justin Roiland of the Rick and Morty show that I have a fear of a control freak
yeah I know I don’t know cuz I I do get very lonely kind of but I like I also like kind of I have I like I wish they could someone please abandon me like I remember like one of my earliest memories is Nursery School whatever you call it was David daycare the daycare said it was like a part of a bowling league that my mom was in a Milwaukee and the women would bowl and in this women’s bowling leagues I’m not being sexist they were all just a stereotype that women Bowl
it was a league you had that they checked back then there wasn’t there wasn’t the transgender awareness then
the Benedict to put their kids in the room at the bowling alley and that’s where that girl stuff that crap out of my mouth
ah yeah
yeah deep cuts of memory from that guy so what there was one day when everybody was at cuz I would just hide cuz I was just like the girls were well okay alright yeah I realized it to make it more effective to happen once the girls take a can of my mouth but but what happened all the time was that there was a red like like purple like like the dark purple like like like like a dirty like like dark like if you showed me of you open up a 64 colored Crayola work so I don’t know the burgundy like deep dark purple e read but also the new was like six big wheels and there was like you 50 kids and I’m like okay you can play with toys with big wheels and
go sit in a cupboard in a binder like corner like like or a hole or something I just sit and is it something like being asked questions and like like like like in gym class if you like want to be left alone like then they did but you have to like hide otherwise logo like what are you doing what’s going on over here at this is Jim can help any just like you want to avoid the whole conversation so if you could just disappear you would just disappear so that I did that successfully once and I remember it was such a pleasurable memory that all of a sudden daycare was over and everybody packed up every was like okay I got to go and all the moms would come like at the end of The Love Boat and whatever the end of meatballs and I like everyone is like tear it up at their parents sitting there was like my mom’s here and and and I just I just stayed there and then they like turned out the lights and shut the whole thing down and then I was alone in the daycare room and it was dark and I was just like
walked around and touched the tables like I’ll Melancholy like I was I always thought I was in a movies I was like like
you know I like this I like the feeling it made me special that I was abandoned and I liked it and then we’ll then then the doors open like after 5 minutes that my mom was like four were you in
so no I don’t think I really have no fear of Abandonment I think I like it extreme anger and irritability the reason for which others have difficulty understanding why do I feel like every time I get angry
it’s a perfectly good reason but that it for based on other people’s reactions I feel like
I got I got a little irritable time to time alright alternating between High positive regard and great disappointment self-harm suicidal behavior and substance abuse are common I don’t stall farmer suicidally behave disorder is recognized borderline personality like
we save them
nobody has anything right like I said it doesn’t look like what it what did he try to do those are just like packages those aren’t those just for dumb doctors like leg lives if somebody comes in and goes like Y8 a fire hydrant yesterday
and I I love I want to have sex with a graham cracker and I hate my mom but I hate her cuz she won’t kill me and the dogs talking to me and I stutter and my left armpit smells like an onion to my right smells like Licorice and then the doctor goes Jesus Christ and the book and it goes like well the disease does one of his armpit smell like licorice he’s like yeah and he said give him give him this pill it’s all bulshit I know she’s are just packets yeah I didn’t grow up taking a bunch of pills no one gave me a bunch of pills I was just offering that
do your relationships last a long time like what is a long time
like five six years I’ve never made one last longer than 2 years how old are you 42 I should have asked you what I would be a hero I would be a hero for having one
yeah I got one thank you
I can tell my accountant you said right
it’s not going to hurt you I’ll just say Aubrey Plaza told me
I don’t even have a car like like by the time I get a Tesla like like yeah I could have started out all my problems for a fraction of the price I might become the healthy enough person to drive a hatchback of some kind if the sex. Might it just scratched it’s alright well I told you about show do you want to talk about the thing in the sky everybody saw last night
really
I need to use the shot a missile from a submarine that doesn’t even make sense that’s how they are under water
that’s that’s that’s what we want our enemies to to to say I can’t believe you don’t know about this damn town
there was stuff in the sky but it was just a rocket test I got caught up seeing a lot of you wasted a lot of time
I could just get my news here house that was Bernie Sanders doing a listen to a great piece on him on NPR was pretty great in the interview them talked when he’s talking quietly he doesn’t even sound ridiculous at all
you think he sounds ridiculous otherwise I’m not voting for People based on the Ridiculousness of their low voice I’ll tell you that right now
like as if you want this summer to be have a more ridiculous Voice or it’s not the axis on which I’m basing my judgment here that’s what I’m saying so whose policies do you like so far I like Bernie Sanders I like Donald Trump what can I say
either one of those I’m sure be great
I will I will say one one thing that could be it’s not a statement of admiration at all it’s just a statement of wonderment it which we often express about people with Meyer but it’s this is just wondering like if I were running for president the day that I accidentally or on purpose said all Mexicans are rapists like I would just I would go home and I was like well alright so nope no no president.
it is amazing to be the guy that the guy that did that is like is is is like okay anyways
oh boy the gapo the gas tank hole he looks so silly in the tank of a horrible xenophobia late like the actual that’s not a picture that’s not a perception he was just like yeah they’re rapists and then and then and then everyone was like like what will I do think they were cheering so they were there for us but he was like them something in his head was like you should buy qualify that is like I’m sure I’m sure some of them aren’t rapist like there’s got to be a couple I’m sure there’s an exception to every Rule and then you get in the next day he was like okay what should I do brush teeth put on shoes keep running for president which is amazing to me that really is amazing cuz I I threw out my back rearranging my office and the next day I did I did not go to work
and I was like sorry I had a hard time yesterday and I and I and it turned out I’m not as capable as I thought I was so I’m going to lay in bed and play Minecraft and if I called all Mexicans rapists I would twist that into a way to play Minecraft
I would stop running for president
and I would think while I was playing Minecraft I’d be like the reason I’m doing this because I want to confront what I said like I want to wait until it’s old and you know I can sweep it up
he’s got a lot of self-confidence learn from that sure I do kind of admire him he has too much he is a problematic amount of self-confidence some would say if he had less he’d be a lot better off
just a few that we need new words for confidence and how can he be better off if he’s a billionaire who’s running for president just for fun he was like I don’t really give a shit I’m just going to spend my own money do this for a little bit but yeah I’ll be running from
we’ve already talked about this the fact that we’ve let you know it’s been looked at like based on what he was born with at the starting line and based on what he has now he’s not a successful person like if you were a dishwasher I do you was born with lots and lots and lots of money some of it and then lost a bunch of it and then he made a bunch of back and then he but he’s like if you were a dishwasher he wouldn’t even rub allowed back in the kitchen at a certain point but you can’t get fired from being a billionaire like so you just they’re just like oh you’re back and it’s like
is though I meant I haven’t researched it but that’s basically it
do you think voting matters Plaza
you get excited about it a little bit yeah I don’t know you keep your voting to yourself you like to go in there and do it discreet like cloak
no one can see my eyes so you don’t talk about like you don’t share your process with anybody only myself how do you pick like the Circuit Court judges and all that bullshit you need meenie miney mo na name School cool names a little little little fortune cookie. I’ll look that up later but it’s got my vote I think in like 20 years and they’re really start caring about those guys and being ready November 3rd with everything all the information
the only government that matters is local government because like where you put a stop sign or whether or not your community is functioning is like actually the important thing but a neighborhood council meeting Santa Monica once Mr frazzles what do you have to say the buses are talking to me
do you have a right to feel that way moving on
what is the what is the what it what is it what it what are we going to do Aubry Plaza about climate change that’s my number one issue let’s talk about it
I don’t know we all got a band together and I don’t know I don’t I don’t think I don’t I don’t know I don’t know what we can do okay I heard you know the rainforest is pretty much dead at this point like if we don’t today start on the 4th reforesting the forest is going to be gone like we can’t just stop now and it’ll it’ll heal itself it’s it’s it’s a fact it’s fucked and then the whole of global warming will just go off the deep end because there’s no rain forests that have been regulating this whole process for Millennia and the oceans to their going down
like I’ve read three pigs in 20 years and I know you’re wrong you’re out you’re the same the opposite level is rising but the fish real sinking to the bottom of corpse fish float when they die
fish float when they die

I saw a metaphor
what do we really think is going to happen it’s just going to be like okay so there’ll be a variables is like sea level cuz it’s a scientist talk about like okay to see levels going to do this and then I accept you into that but as soon as that stuff it has the potential to affect the dollar than everything’s just going to collapse and I won’t be it won’t be because the ocean is high that it like you’re like wearing armor made out of bottle caps like your your it’ll be because like everything just went to shit and the cops to stop showing up to work or is started hunting people and like like like nothing worked any more and there was no jobs and everyone was just like riding around a wasteland going on
oh that I’m afraid of it
yeah I’m going to cut it is slowly though but it’s just like happening really slowly and we’re kind of like seeing it and then we just like get used to it by the time it happens we’re just letting all these different I haven’t seen a lot of orange Mohawks lately
I need one to sing in front of your house just like Mad Max because the idea that we have a quarter of the population of the world in prison lately what is it what is the the quarter thing it’s like is it has something to do with how many how much of America’s population is in prison vs. how much of the I can’t remember the order prisoners are American American prison that’s what it is like everybody that’s like where like okay that guy makes me uncomfortable just put him on a timeout other like a quarter of the world is a fun time out like I’m going to learn
more in here okay I’m back out okay I’m doing we’re okay you going back in and then it’s like yeah that’s that’s that’s that’s that’s crazy like those those folks are gearing up their there if there’s a there’s a face of evolution their little ones are getting on the big ones backs
Master Blaster from the Thunderdome I could tell you didn’t know the reference
fly a plane no do you know okay
helicopter you wouldn’t you wouldn’t leave that helicopter if you knew how to fly a helicopter you would leave out helicopter if you knew how you don’t know right those are the people that survived sorry I’m a yellow belt in karate guy so
that’s not impressive that
let me know about Athlete’s Foot in the shower
I’m just I’m closer is what I’m saying helicopter and a weapon you started hoarding gas like if you were I mean but I wonder what income level do you have to be to have a helipad right now you have to be a one percenter right like I just have a helicopter but if you had that would make me feel really secure that would be amazing cuz you can just are hoarding gas that would be great but I mean
leg is the idea okay to fly away is the idea and just stay aloft order to find a place where the sign is still exist land somewhere where there’s more gas and then you find that while you shoot zombies or four people whatever it is there’s helicopter gas line around the feel like you’re in a great position automatically if there’s why they’re still refining helicopter gas free to find just freely wherever you go I read a lot more than you
you just double down on that I want to see a montage a world where the world has effectively or civilization is effectively collapsed but there’s a lot of places around where you could still find gasoline feel like if I’m you know I’m in the apocalypse and everyone’s in the apocalypse and people are wearing bottle caps and shooting at each other because they have nice car hood ornaments or whatever the fuck wine around in a helicopter is going to be the best way to get shot at and they’re also very they’re not like are the best way to get mixed up in the air it depends on what you’re doing with the helicopter Balada helicopters you know they’re not too high to very lightly armored you could you could just shoot him down with a cap gun I wasn’t thinking about it
I was just thinking like you know natural disasters get in that helicopter ride or I was thinking that that are same worship of of celebrity or richness which somehow prevent that one way that if you were down here like shooting each other with AK-47 is it so hot
maybe maybe if I shoot enough people with this assault rifle I’ll be having lunch with him one day will you can just shoot the helicopter in force yourself together. Those lifehack tumblers is why he’s saying that stuff I didn’t put it together I thought a helicopter could just go so far up that a bullet couldn’t hit it can it’s just not practical maybe a surface-to-air missile though I mean yeah bring it but yes let’s please make people have those I don’t want to be on the ground and you know you got to hit a helicopter to write in the jugular
dancers dancing a bounce right off that he says they’re probably like half of them to go back down and hit the guy that shot it one of them make a little heart you make a necklace out of it the same page Club about how about helicopter
will you guys can have your helicopter and me and Ridley will hang out with our missiles and we’ll see what happens
well if I ever if I do I will take a helicopter over a missile because it hears what I do I fly the helicopter early I would do it before anybody would thought that shooting a missile was like a good idea and I would too cuz I would go oh cuz that would be a luxury that you would have if you had a helicopter you would go well it says on the news that Donald Trump won for instance split why don’t we just go for a long weekend on a helicopter travel like we do whenever we get nervous and I will I will go to the underground bunker like you know when you come back and like I don’t know it’s like how was your weekend I spent it out of town or like did you did you abandon all of us cuz you thought
and you didn’t call anybody and you thought it was every man for himself when you got in your helicopter and what’s the difference
you know Bill Lawrence has a beach house like like like like come on knucklehead Miller you let’s get back to work and by the way you can get machine guns for your helicopter to shoot at Spencer and I I should be giving you that tip but I’m just saying you’re not defenseless up there like I got it
play kygo I will get you to get it you would get it used for my cake cake KTLA or something you could buy used helicopters out with no you’re talking about this is pre-apocalypse purchasing Okemos are you guys are ya thank you lady
I don’t know why you’re acting that way but I don’t know why anything that happened tonight happened tonight
do you do you think the bug bites are Aubrey Plaza do you think of bug bites are I can can heal or not he’ll based on the psychological health of a person actually when I was when you were talking about that back there I was thinking about that time when I had a lot of bug bites
oh well that’s good cuz I like my therapist and I don’t want to stress
okay that’s what I was saying I think I’m under a lot of stress.
do not bed bugs bite bites Seattle
these are bed bugs like they would be all over my bed bug bites body it would be like
Idaho
are you sure I feel funny because I didn’t know if I would say definitely bed but I just I’ve never heard that asked about any bite ever like I had a real like psychological like people see strange Magellan
yeah it’s a psychological illusion that you see a powerful strings out of their little bites I got a head hat in the front row they see them right
why you not on your head like that.
Everybody’s doing a terrible job tonight but why strings
you know it’s a cosmic DNA I would I would think
give a reason that the cosmic serpent is about a guy goes and does Ayahuasca in the Amazon and he realizes that plants have always been talking to people and that’s why the amazonians have aspirin and why why they know how to make like kirari without dying cuz like you could you could never just trial and error curare cuz it would like kill you like statistically so they think that guy cuz he’s tripping on Amazon acid-like realizes that it’s because plans can talk to people on a cellular level through like photonic rays
I had a theory like that one time I did a lot of nitrous oxide and I went under and when I came back up I had the recognition that the world had a code you know like a programming code and it was base for in the four things that could be where the four colors green red blue and yellow and everything exists as combinations of these green red blue and yellow and so like you know happiness is like a color and sadness is a color in anything that anyone can do can be represented in these Freeport colors and I had to write it down and I couldn’t figure it out and it took me like about a week of nitrous to figure out what I was talking about
and that’s and that’s all I got is just bad pretty disappointing but a fruitful research project there’s something to it though I think there might be I never knew that you did that I mean it’s very occasionally it’s like a spiritual thing you know it’s like I’ll go on sabbatical and do some nitrous
were you just doing whippets like you can make a ton of whipped cream you know you can also make you can make cupcakes using whipped cream Chargers you just put the the nitrous into the cupcakes and then you could just put them in the microwave the sounds like I’m on nitrous right now but also you should really go eat your tots you telling us how to use it properly tonight yeah yeah yeah oh yeah if you make any any any cake like thing brownies but you infuse it with nitrous oxide a little cook right up in a microwave real fast. Texture moist
you name it I got all sorts of things for all sorts of kinds of people do you have any opinions about a substances like straight edge person and you enjoy drugs and alcohol or one and not the other weed license
thank you
you’re supported
my mind keeps expiring I said I feel like they figured out the solution to that they’re they’re like oh well like they’re arguing about whether to legalize weed and then somebody in the room that pushed it through that guy’s guys will just make it you have to renew it every year like it but it was like like these people don’t even get their driver’s license renewed but it’s going to be hard for them out of control situation is there ever a moment cuz in my mind I’m always like waiting for like a moment where I can just whip it out and I feel like there’s never really is that ever really will just when you get a license I’m like in my head like thinking you know like imagining myself on the street now it looks like you’re smoking a bit of a reefer
but you really got to do this in the privacy of your home just a cop
well I think you better cop somewhere else
swinging me
find hue with me I can still hear you
the other side of the street
do the loudest the worst wrestler ever
40% are
not even a song
well this is the police station I’ve if you keep following me then you’re being the weird one I’m going inside to talk to my friends
hey you want to come to my house and hang out.
get out of here at my house has Christ
I’m obligated by an unknown Stadium here.
I’m going to make you a pie you better use enough nitrous oxide to make it go fast
or I’ll just take it by the Scruff of your neck down to that I always think about that scenario and I don’t think I will ever happen just like when you buy them I didn’t have the paper that certificate excited the first time I was like like like I did it in the afternoon but it took all afternoon and I had to like go through this dumb like it’s like California the most backward State cuz there’s like four other states that are just like yeah it’s just weed is legal recreationally and now we’re the ones that did it first but you now is still have to talk to a guy in a Cuban shirt with a stethoscope around his neck and a ponytail what is this stuff is good for
surveillance is what it’s for people taking pictures of you and you leave work yeah and you know I wish I felt like I felt like they were trying to trick me into like admitting I just wanted pot Play Click Click them of all people they’re the ones selling it but it was like I felt like I had to lie. It’s humiliating the whole process and I don’t want to have to go see my lasting lobbies we have to sit and watch those
insomnia I’m not going to lie but I was like I guess I’m fucked up enough that it was like fun to me why are you being like that like why are you acting so weird the whole point of legalizing this is to try to eliminate this heinous man not to enhance it
we’ll get there we’re good right nothing happened in Oregon and Colorado and wherever else it’s illegal like those those States haven’t collapsed Colorado’s more money than he knows what to do with you going to how can I help from Dave Klein would you like to be a good start to your energy that come up here
how to cite a gown like that Carson cut that’s good that’s nice
that’s good that’s that’s nice nice hey Dave
into a strange basement we’re all familiar with it you’re not we got a bunch of creeps out here but here’s the thing about creature that creeps have gone deep
alright creep creeps of going deep to some interesting places and my thing is I’m a positive creep all right I mean Community, super creepy
which requires creepiness because to get down to the darkest bowels of like
most people most people don’t make it back and are able to like make something creative Dan was able to make something in Aubrey you were able to come down to this decrepit Crypt where we all have like made our own space
for having
let me say this
when it is used is crazy way. I’m kind of verifying how bad I think the show is going with your
I got like no I think it’s going great you know it like not in the role playing games right you don’t just start in like the Dragon’s Lair of creeps you could
that’s what is the Gamemaster all I can say is just Aubrey like thanks for putting up with a bunch of creeps in a bunch of hay Dave Klein.
How is Justin’s sister
no no absolutely creep cuz here’s the thing about creep
there’s not a tongue and in any cheek and that in response to very sincere
genius is creep and so here’s the thing about like most most Kris deines on a compliment
Genesis ivy league like Masters courses like Geniuses or creep so you can kind of track like the creeps with the genius like pretty effectively but but genius
alright I’m going to rap battle you you going to beat your ass off the stage shit no rap beat Fair know shit Jeff not here so bad show Ryan has some rap beats Creepshow tenitra creep Shadow to a starter Creepshow 2 Heidegger professional creep creep shout-out to Nicolas Cage creep shout out shout out to my actual Idol James Turrell
is there a visual artist who actually took place at LACMA call the ganzfeld effect I’ve done some time and some friends and redeck deprivation tanks I’ve done a lot of like in studies and working that I believe in it and this guy’s a mastermind with it he creates the thing where he says my my motherfuking medium is not color not paint so fucking perception to challenges you to like essentially go beyond the rim of like what you can do perceptually so if you stand at the edge of this guy’s thing at LACMA you literally lose your perceptual self and I think you’re looking at a you’re looking at a exhibit imagine literally looking into the void okay got it got it
okay no time no space No and then like literally were like plunged into a pink like Abyss can’t find a way out and then like finally realize the liquor perception is like something beyond our body it’s a revelatory gift that were given and we walk out of the experience little bit different at Dave may I shout out to Gary Glitter creep in your attitude Jeffrey Jones character actor from Beetlejuice created what what else did Flavor Flav and creep
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo it’s like a spider on the wall like a fly on the web the fuck your mama
like a spider on the wall I put your mama eight legs two fangs eight eyes I fuck your mama I wasn’t too surprised cuz that would technically be called rape
I fuck your mama great
fruit grape fruit grape fruit fruit grape grapefruit fruit bowl grapes to the fruit put your mama on my titties put your daddy on the flute music flute tips for the Philharmonic book your mama so hard she needed pussy tonic to my sugar rise after my dick was done I fucked your dad just for measure cuz he was a bun on my hot dog and went in and out
and it’s button is mouth affect your dad twice as long as I fucked your mom equal-opportunity dong talk to your parents I fucked your parents affect both of your parents it’s a parent I thought your parents
I thought your parents and I’m staring at you
the lines on the stomach that’s where I came from call the cesarean
no. She’s got a couple of her fucking students
listen in and they going to say yo mama coach how you get into this game she said the same way everybody going to go you got to get rid of your brain
follow your spirit follow your heart within you will do the same mother client video spiders flying spiders
MomoCon went down the hill
if you’re welcome she said no
he said I got unfinished business you sent my son to David Klein yo
he said he’s handsome she said he’s smart she said he’s stinky she said he farts out his mouth cuz it’s wrong so damn damn damn damn stinky
spiders surprise
spider realize spider web is slow
yeah happy Halloween Halloween
Mommy
I didn’t know that where that was Sample was coming from
all right
all right well
what’s the address
I didn’t give her that sample that was a fucking flow
thank you Dave
sometimes it sometimes we rap in the show and also audience people can come to you know who I thought you were just be on the show talk to say the say tell it tell us the arrangement why are you racist tell us I’m not racist cuz you hate black people give me the mic.
you should love them
shameful you should be ashamed of yourself and the fact that you won’t even admit it that’s the fuck up then I had to drag it out of you
I got to be honest about how racist you are a guy in the front row
yeah hold on a second just give me a second
okay so we did that
I think we should all right let’s I mean the next thing that we do is we play that game that you played with us are kind of like how you played on harmonquest yeah well he’ll like anything you want us to look out for when you’re as old as you leave us like if we wanted to consume or Aubrey Plaza any book or comic book or anime or or a special orthopedic shoe or or short film
what you said you had work in the morning so
I’m going to be in a movie that comes on January called Dirty Grandpa
all right we’ll have sex with Robert De Niro
is that what he doesn’t the intern or does he just to hang out and he just didn’t see that but there’s a threshold like in the trailer it would be like oh it’s an old guy and he’s like yeah but then he just gets food and he’s old
right but he said he doesn’t just play a grandpa dirty Grandpa okay what is that called radiant love making scene with Robert De Niro I don’t think you get that opportunity very often I’m assuming alright well it’s been asked him if you want to answer it Aubrey before you go
she’s going to say I don’t know
I know
you know is very interesting
at one point I put in his entire nose in my mouth and I sucked on a really hard and I threw him down on the bed and it’s just started gushing blood all over me
that’s not the movie though
is it going to be in a blooper reel and credit I don’t know his nose ended up in your mouth on an accident scene I was just trying to be creative and then and then some unexpected movement happen in his nose like broke in your mouth or something
don’t say I don’t think it broke it just I set some kind of guys are off by a freak out cuz I would do it was weird it was awkward and then he and then he can I get a icecube dragon I can I can I get an ice cube please thank you can I get an ice cube is that what did he say it like that but he repeated it a lot of guys profusely really why I mean it wasn’t maybe it was my fault maybe I should have apologized
I I don’t know I was just you know in character but he wasn’t he was he was probably grateful just for the experience I’m sure he’s a sweet sweet older man with the kids
and if this does the story he has now as long as he didn’t injure any permanent harm he’s he’s probably happy it happened
yeah I don’t know probably didn’t even hurt I get nosebleeds all the time
you should let yourself off the hook
come up with some interesting you know anecdote about it just you know did you make it okay I should have like I should have picked a peak of their reaction instead of Rapunzel latest I’m going to leave since I just thought I’d tell you about it. It’s the kind of thing you talk about on the talk show right yeah yeah like right now with it
I don’t know
you know that’s not going to hurt me you saying that I don’t consider myself a competition with him I I think that what I do is more art than science think he’s more of a scientist
did he like what did you have any interactions with with with DeNiro I mean even before you bite his nose and have it stop blood in your mouth like it’s already weird just to meet him on a satellite dish liquid first interaction with him like does he like come out in a bathrobe and go
and then you said yes
like I didn’t we didn’t like braid each other’s hair did you see his nose is a cartoon roast chicken when you first met him all right but is it in in the movie is that the only seen so it was literally like he met you and then you guys were doing the scene or character in the movie the whole like throughout the movie it’s just like his character is like I’m going to fuck you and I’m like I’m going to fuck you too and then we don’t until the very end so it’s like A build-up kind of thing is that a spoiler I don’t know dirty Grandpa from the title find out what are you supposed to not think it’s really going to happen cuz like come on that’s I don’t know I’m not sure I I don’t have perspective on that but nobody was
The Green Room you’re going to be on a Criminal Minds which you are also my share of everything they’re loud to say or not it’s not like I care but I don’t want to ruin their show or any television works the bank gives you a serial killer on Criminal Minds which is the show that Paget Brewster was on apparently play Murder serial killer that’s that’s that’s it that’s the alarm that’s her heart out you do you do an amazing Sarah Silverman impression that I won’t make you do cuz you don’t like
tempted to do Impressions right it’s so weird that that is still like because the time I wish I did that it was I was like preparing for my SNL like audition like years ago and at that time when I was doing like you know and I would make like a dumb video or do whatever comedy I would like put it on YouTube just to like had it on there but in my mind it wasn’t like I’m putting it on here so that it goes viral or like it was like not. Impression on your Tumblr you could take it as like how do I take it but that’s where I saw it I was like a kid’s linked videos they’re just they’re around but yeah that’s right
urge people to just go look for it because it’s a really good Sarah Silverman I’m sure it’s from I Didn’t Know Her obviously at the time and I never thought in my head that eventually I would like you know know her so yeah it’s a total like she’s the coolest
guy she’s being taken to the harmontown helicopter on the roof
where she will be out of

rifle range
all right so now is the most exciting part of the show we get to spend the next seven minutes figuring out who’s going to play Shadowrun with us now we don’t have to base it on gender balance cuz as you’ve noticed with the show I’ve had a lot of female guests solve that problem remember when that was an issue
oh now we can just base it on what hey what’s up what were you know you’re in a hurry but I feel like it’s so sorry you have to now other I get back to work and Rick and Morty season 3 and we hired for the first time after two seasons all male writing staff we hired female writers write
and there’s a little bit of it adjustment. The other day you remember this for you in the room the other day we were talking and and one of the few my Riders said very innocent play in varied naively as if she was talking about a furry or someone who has sex with can openers like she goes out what if he’s like one of those weird guys who likes to come on women’s faces and tits and there’s a long beat that was ingesting ghost weird
I’m at his face turned seven Shades rather than that Solo Cup
that’s when you realize there’s some communication that’s going to have to be bridged differences in perspective and
first day of work I really cuz I’ve never is there something there’s something interesting about a gender balance writers room specifically it cuz it’s like you don’t spend your you’re you know what you fall in love with a woman you don’t like as a guy there’s never a point where you well there might be you don’t do a big Q&A about tampons like the stuff you can get to 42 as I discovered Without Really knowing that I was just kind of like a field day I was I was like I explained that we were taught we were talking a story about summer like a summer the possibility of Summer doing a vodka soaked
the possibility the possibility she’s a 17 year old girl was show and we’re very Hands-On about cuz it’s easier to do for guy riders with a 14 year old guy character is just like we’ve shown Morty is very much an authentic 14 year old boy like sexually speaking with summer is kind of like you know she’s with we I think we were smart to do this and judicious like we kind of cheese do we haven’t touched her like intimate sides at all if we just shouldn’t I was just I was never going to go there like with a seventeen-year-old girl character it’ll be like a course you know that after and humping a pillow not going to get a lot of Comedy but now we have like half and half it’s like a full representation of everything that’s nice it was like syrup talking about it’s not like we could do an episode of a vodka tampon
the conversation came up and that it was like that led to holy shit I have 95 questions about tampons and I got them all answered within five minutes
one of them came out and I was like I like I like I poke my finger in the thing came out like I thought I was like why is the little head shaped like a little penis head oh that’s just an accident that’s not
imagine all the questions you can ask your sex doll
I mean we also talked about other stuff too
that’s not why we hired for women got good ideas
but it’s not all they wanted to talk about it was a two-way was a collaboration balance that gender-wise was always kind of show relatively mainstream Rick and Morty obviously is like it’s more of a adult hat there’s a there’s a there’s a boyish energy to it I’m not saying that anyone that’s that’s not boyish isn’t allowed to watch it over to sing like there’s definitely a a boyish energy to the to the to the show and has always been an all male writers room but I never thought it’s very interesting to have some ladies in there
chocolate chip
but you brought it up you wanted to tell you that I’m so fucking fast is going to turn it to turn it to Charlie Rose Jesus city of cable steel you get Lily
world I bet they had like eight Bad episodes the last in the last 12 weeks
unless you talking about there’s a show called The Jets the new wings or something
I’m just saying like give me a goddamn break I’m going through a divorce I’m going to fucking mannequins I can’t come here and have a shity show fuck you people
like what are you what are you what are you going to do fire me arrest me the word fire me caught in my throat I was
happened so I don’t don’t say that again.
Could get naked figure out how to fire you
people doing at Twitter what do they mean when they go like your be at your bad person you tweeted wrong you did a bad thing look what are you going to do what do you do what what you going to do now I don’t understand what you’re going to do I just don’t like why would you why what what how small is your brain that you would be like hey I wanted to let you know that you’re that you’re you morally disappointed me like you that you that you are a pedicure person and I’m letting you know through Twitter because I’m an Arbiter of Twitter cat
you don’t you don’t get it like I mean I don’t know I get why someone would just be anonymously log on and go to Tom Hanks like fuck you fuck face
does my dad like a box of chocolates bitch I get that that’s vandalism that’s like that’s like so if I could just get through to somebody but it’s like these people like really honestly if you hook them up to a lie detector and said are you just doing that they would say no I’m not just doing that and the lie detector would not go off they would they would be telling the truth it would be like no I’m I’m like I’m a good person and I I’m I’m good at life and I I like I like this person I read about him on a hashtag or a or a…. And and I clicked over here and I’m just giving him $0.02 and there it is there’s my two cents
I just don’t get it yeah man I’ve never done that in my life like YouTube comments it’s like I mean sure you’re not the guy is writing the YouTube comments but you can’t say you don’t understand the impulse for anyone who’s a fucking idiot to put those words up there just because that’s what they feel like doing it in a certain amount of the cases do I can absolutely say I don’t understand I do not understand they got spots they got I think I shoot him out because they don’t have other people that I understand of
why are no they’re not honest and all their lives like they’re they’re so self-deluded looks like it’s like that’s the thing is like if I was that dumb I would just like one around the street and go like shoes his lunch box sky blue cookies and asphalt people do that too though I don’t know is I was thinking the other day that there’s this thing you know it’s like when you exercise you get all those endorphins going your body is like I’m doing a good thing in like you go on rides on an amusement park and it’s like adrenaline is good I’m having fun in like you get in a fight in like your blood is rushing and you know you run this hyar like really intense I feel like the internet and yelling at people on the Internet is giving people like a tiny hit of that like I’m going out to beat the shit out of someone except there’s no harm in it and there’s no danger in it so it’s like why would you if if you could pick any fight and never get her why would
you pick fights you know and I feel like maybe some people are just fine the next day type Boo and it takes them like they think yeah that’s how they talk it’s like they wouldn’t just say boo they’d be like actually you know what you’re saying saying is it’s wrong if your in Spain so keep a note of that next time you’re in Spain that’s just like that’s what their thought processes it’s your thought process but it’s theirs is bad probably but not a healthy person aside from going nowhere near Twitter which is like okay conversation over cuz what the fuck do I have laughed cuz I already go nowhere near that area. Nowhere near Tumblr I go nowhere near anyting so aside from just this thing of life don’t just don’t don’t get online and go fly a kite go climb a rock OK Google
White Lake Lakewood I’m like throwing a football in the yard
and dying of old age with my dogs are not online because lately yeah that’s great that’s helping the rules so that means okay I know what that looks like that looks like me going every 3 hours cisos coming up and then and then I just hire a publicist to just do that for me just go like so then I’m just another account that just goes like
I’m about to eat a chocolate bar hashtag me if you love chocolate so then the publicist is just ignoring they don’t care and everybody I shouldn’t get mad about the idea that I was like born on the internet and watching it turn into the sewer I shouldn’t like I should never have like a fit of rage about this that’s not healthy. That you should always be unaffected by everything you should just lie to people you should never tell anyone your feelings you should never express your feelings you shouldn’t feel you’re feeling you should hate the internet you should all use the internet but you should all hate it we should all there for simultaneously everything that we constantly do what’s all live a fucking life what’s all twister cells into a balloon animal where we constantly think one thing and say another I will enforce it amongst yourselves by judging everyone
accidentally says like this is fucking retarded this isn’t saying you’re being rude you’re a rude person I don’t like you I’m having a bad day I fucking hate you you’re stupid you’re stupid person you shouldn’t value television this much and you shouldn’t think that I’m an elected official to the point where you can like tweet me and let me know that I’m a bad person and then like I think that something’s going to happen
going to happen it’s never been sad such a sad thing get mad about that nothing will ever happen if you just type in fuck you and Tom Hanks cuz you saw a TV Guide that offended you did you just what they want to stop it get mad kill yourself
not if it anyone is listening a suicidal depressed I’ve been talking to
don’t talk to somebody but I’m talking with the people that are never going to kill himself
telling Doug kill yourself
before you even get there to put Tippy Toe. Just tweet like fucking like at yourself all the shit like scrutinize yourself say like I’m a shity person
legally Legally go you just got that type instead of like look scanning and going like oh that’s racist you racist
just like how about like an easier source of like hours ago like I’m racist I’m racist
look what you just did you contributed I want to edit something pretty biting at Ted Cruz nice I hate that guy me to Spade purse at it looks like it does stuff to kids
have any of you seen him are you fucking kidding me
I mean I’m not saying he does but that’s what he looks like well and I look like I do stuff to kid
a lot a lot I look like I love it I do look at me a ground Shoot Me based on what I look like I mean that that happens
I just want to swing and just want to swing so we’re going to play Shadowrun we need three helpers
hey you wave man
hey lady how’s your mouth it’s okay I can’t really move it much
oral surgery he doesn’t sound funny like a used to nice and pretty funny at first but I still don’t have full muscle has the Vicodin it’s great to see some Vicodin and drugs but today I was in pain and I didn’t eat anything I wasn’t thinking cuz I don’t do drugs and Emily swings Vicodin
he’s fit for like 2 weeks do they like everything he says I laugh cuz he’s like he’s been on the show before but you don’t ever hear him everyday so I was like okay so here’s the thing and I got to go do we have time for that I think we absolutely do and I got I think I’m a terrible piece of shit and I should kill myself I don’t think you should do that Dan I think the world is counting on you
Anna Anna
steps that Steve’s room in my life ever receding gums and you had gum surgery where they like Blake but they did things to his mouth and and he’s like I just like healing and it’s like putting a jake he talks like
the world the world is counting on you
I thought you said that a cute voice better than you know yourself I love you guys ever have a friend who likes like because of some surgery or something like that can’t laugh and I like to eat never like this really selfish of us like like we don’t we don’t actively become a new funny when that happens regulate like it’s amazing when somebody is like like they can’t laugh at me I got to literally killing
play is it is it just me or is it like there’s no in sticking your head that goes like okay alright all I’ll do is really hard Spencer’s the next to Spencer makes me laugh all day and then you came out with a grand slams all week tell me about some of it’s all it’s all foggy but I was really hard I tried so hard not to I think I broke a couple stitches deadly tasted blood a couple times
I just when you got it you got it
I’m sorry I’m sorry I don’t know that’s what it’s like working for one of the changes so I have
no I mean I needed that after that I mean the world’s their histories first guest just left like at the middle is that there’s like I got to go she said she
whatever don’t know I just I’m being self-deprecating I’m just saying it was a joke you’re so good Dan she’s going to email later be like I had a great time guys do you make me feel bad for fishing for somebody always have to kill yourself.
It didn’t it didn’t land the audience felt the same obviously is what we learned in that moment it was a bit alright so let’s get let’s get to more people or less base it on what should we base it on a pilgrimage
Maple Donuts
sometimes there’s a guy in the back that’s like
we’re at we’re going to be in New York this week I got my ticket for Friday
oh sweet alright so when you’re not writing 40 Years of classic horror novels
actually actually the compensation for the fact that without any props you look identical to a lesser author
Dan lesser author mad at me for saying he was bummed out
that’s what I do I burn Bridges home now I’ll never work with Stephen King It has pictures so this just like the regular side out of the graphic novel for fear loathing Las Vegas
are you truly a little yeah okay it’s for a little look Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and where the comic book store so I’m assuming it’s out there somewhere maybe if you walk out there you may find it okay to me that way but you’ll come back next week and yeah cool wow that’s interesting what a tough job
that must have been hard to get you drew it and wrote it teaching job on the writer side like that’s pretty that’s pretty amazing this looks like impressive what do I know but this looks great did you like the movie movie is good yeah movies good we’re actually doing a little miniature here we’ve got the red convertible out front and we’re driving to Vegas on Wednesday, doing a recreation of the whole guns are to her I really want to play Shadowrun with do you know you were waving your hand and lose in the both of them.
you’re selfish. You’re selfish okay what have you ever done for me
everything for the last year but lately what’s what’s your name my name is Aaron Aaron
I got that but that’s not what am I supposed to do while you’re out of the bubble from New York New York
turn on all great OK Google thanks for joining us guys with hand out these character sheets and was really let’s let’s really knock this one out of the park now it’s been it’s been a bad show
you guys can you guys just fight it out just figure out what you doing there that file of Thailand. Turn it out sweet oh man you guys got to see it Aubrey Plaza was on it and he was great you got an idiot it’ll be great it was great it is great great great all right
Spencer’s really risen to the role of executive producer
yeah yeah yeah I got to go without music just in case Dustin is looking for music he should stop all right last time from Peter’s Peter Smith Peter Smith thanks Peter Smith last time on the Martin go go go go.
Found themselves on the run from the law or the murder of a security guard tail turn left there was the talk of a trip to Tacoma but instead the car screeched its way back to Hank’s Last Stand Back of the bar over the price of digital music but due to the possibility of seafood she heard 8 wanting to get a asses and all seat Hank agreed in the team was rewarded with the job done where will the runners had next will the budding love between Brandon Nightblade Blossom will they find the man who tried to pay them with a Google magnet find out now on Harmon thing I got to say I listen to the last week’s episode on the way here
and that kind of seems like kind of an old knife blade went to the bathroom Florida guard lathered now we’re caught up and then he said he founded a map on the back of the soap I mean allegedly he might have heard that he’s not allowed to do that stuff that’s what I said I said are you saying is the Gamemaster that there’s no map why don’t know let’s escort agard he’s the one looking at the soap which one of you is where to God hello hello hello
what are you looking at that soap dispenser so intently I have a sense about it it’s feels
important
you were so chatty a minute ago and yeah it is a very engaging soap dispenser I’m I’m All About It
can I attempt to mind link with the soap dispenser it does not have a mind
well now we know you found that out I really I really want to start our next shower on
I did this guy who are you I’m evil ever team
all right when I leave the bathroom when I go find Eva libertine he’s steamed or she’s standing saying someone give me a mission someone give me a mission you want to talk about something for ya go ahead we we need to make money
nll Steve I accidentally killed a person I think in the last mission and then I real taste for for blood
alright well you know typically we don’t like make our own missions you know we we get we get called called with one and all these cookie characters come out of the woodwork and just throw it can we solicit Avengers we go around the bar and ask anybody if they needed aventurat ask her anything and come over that’s that’s that’s his professional you guys you guys are currently the only people at the bar other than Teddy and Hank I leave the bathroom and suggest we may be call hot guy and see if he knows of anyone in need
all right who’s going to call him but I think I I think I think all right you have a the comlink it’s like a phone all right let’s do it, link
who am I talking to Ted 2. What do you want
I’m still the same and I’m sitting at the bar 5 feet away
is this Vicodin do you know anyone that wants to take us out to kill bunch of people and make some money
no no I don’t know about that
yes I’m outside you hear a car you hear a car pull up a car pulls up and into the bar walk some middle-aged grab uniform the uniform of a corporate wage slave she appears tired from The Daily Grind and seems to have gone a few days without sleep she pulls up a chair and holds up a hand and Hank gives her a drink see that’s how you get a Shadowrun
I gymnastics over to her
you somersault that’s that’s that’s the title I think that’s the title
meet Lee over to her to your feet at her side is she impressed or startled
what’s your name you don’t know don’t you try talking to her
hey hey I’m real nervous why what’s your name my name is Peggy
alright sounds good to me yeah I have not seen you around this far before this is our local watering hole and we could be a pretty drunk your old-time yeah well I come here a lot so I don’t I don’t I love you
I really want to fucking the help you with something give me like secret mission
Corvette
that’s just that’s just on canning
you know I’ve been I’ve been busy lately I’ve been staying late at work and also my daughter is missing it’s just a rough all over 3414 you know your daughter’s age that’s a little suspicious you know it’s been it’s been a couple months not since I’ve seen her since their birthday it’s hard to keep track I can’t I’m not following that I cussed at Eliza’s truth on her to see if she’s telling the truth cuz that’s a little weird she’s she’s clearly like she’s clearly Gone without sleep she’s a bit loopy or something something’s off about her aura
mine probe oh man
Visions you see Ghouls and support groups in therapy session and daughters and child toys all All In A Flash it seems this lady she’s lost her daughter who is the victim of hmh Vivi that means she’s a goal and has to eat flesh but she up and disappeared and it’s extra scary cuz she might be shot to death cuz you know zombie
well I got a lot to Matt but we don’t know none of this is horrifying I feel like my mind was just violated randomly not why I come to the bar lights like an episode of the Ninja Turtles like I’ll take your word for it
sorry that was probably me that you feel that way
next round’s on me
well we will happily help you out with this situation and he was a pro probably probe in your mind I don’t know what he saw but so he’s right wow that’s like you do seem like a troubled person and
we are a cracked roof of I guess what you’d call shadowrunners
I give Jim that laid the thumbs-up and I wink
yep those things happen so you have a missing daughter and again forgive me for prying but she is a goal always yeah we have some experience with that and Google magnets
so this one seems pretty cut and dry
I mean where did you last see her and let’s get the magnets
you guys he left Amanda back and I think it through the through the angry at the time cuz it was from in hindsight 20/20
regardless we’re good enough to do it without the cool magnet
do what it took to save your daughter lady
sorry this is very disorienting to have your mind read without saying anything whatever just happened to her brain what what what does she need like some what do you need an aspirin or something
Pusha T no space not have my mind read and then just have tons of people offering me all sorts of things we’re all at a bar alone together and give give the lady some space after that but did I say sorry Yet problem thank you did you did you say we’re going to save your daughter yeah I mean look how do you play darts anybody
oh what’s that and I just walk away cuz I’m not I’m not good at this and I just go and I got to get a drink and I got to go over to doctor friend and I got it running like they were terrible at it like I don’t know Donna walks in Sidle up next to her and water drink
Triad working long hours are you asking me a news about asking me if I’ve ever heard up to her but then again I don’t have any alternative suggestions I mean I’m literally like fucking mannequins what it what what if we just asked where was the last place you saw your daughter she used to be going to support groups for zombies I’m sorry I called hmhb these fibers it’s cool hope she used to be going you know she went every week’s a lot of good progress but she didn’t come back are they like in the basement of churches and stuff like that know they have their own storefronts like like like you know like a real businesslike Weight Watchers do you know who Jose sponsor of us
what if he goes there
excuse me for one second man not too many just going to all kinds of plushies is obvious who is your favorite one
she used to go to flash to Fresh but I can win over to see if she was still there you know obviously that’s the first place he goes the last place you saw her we said they didn’t she wasn’t there the next day plays disappears
not with you
overeager calming her down but I have the opposite of that we know that
I can impress her with a moderate egg allergy
alright what’s yet we don’t even know if she has any money is that what this is about man yeah
no it’s about to fucking do the what the fuck are you talk it’s goddamn 2078 there’s a dragon for a president should we save this lady’s daughter Jesus Christ everyone’s die and we’re all bad at this.
do you have any money I mean yeah I got all sorts of money I got I got weapons and arms dealer on the self how did I not see that one so it’s not you know in my common it’s not in the Forefront of my thoughts because my daughter is missing
enough will you pay us to find her I mean sure okay that sounds great let’s agree on a some listen here’s the deal we go to the building we find out who is the leaseholder
somebody up and left find out who is the leaseholder this now abandoned flesh to Fresh to whatever franchise that’s the right William giving you his what he’s giving you is called an estimate how about 10010000 and she’s not work out that sounds great
you’re the face man I am Eve libertine she’s the one that negotiates our jobs O’Donnell Stephen King’s Mercy Mercy Mercy g77 gender is anywhere
I mean is it guns or is a money I can pay you more in guns if you give us the guns we can to help better encounter any threats on the way to finding go. We all going up against schools here so yeah I’ve been slammed at work I can only give you a couple small side arms right now okay well we’ll take those and give us ten thousand after the job great let’s do it okay to put your hands in and we’re going to be good shadowrunners this time like for real for real like this one’s going to run like good but you want us to touch you in the game
okay
well
are we we’re not going to be here next week early or not here next week we’re going to be in New York for so we’ll see you in a little bit theater
shares in a raffle ticket to shows