Episode: 202 – A Lady Who Is Famous For Killing Her Baby


Episode: 202 – A Lady Who Is Famous For Killing Her Baby


An all-star hunk episode of Harmontown with humanitarian beefcake Daniel Gillies, the mouth watering Duncan Trussell and the cut from marble stone greek god Kumail Nanjiani. Watch the video at harmontown.com/live! Become a member, support our show.


Spencer Crittenden
how did Herman’s comptroller role from last week I heard my phone I feel like I can’t for a moment Dan Harmon
all right yeah you left me hanging with a high-five over here man I’m out of it man I’ve been up all night I got to go back to work after this so I can run it on chewable Adderalls do you know they’re not chewables
You’re Just chillin on them
are there any pills to avoid a really really put your heart into it if you really put your heart into it have teeth made of a stronger diamonds that’s what sparked a lot of success like you could you could chew a locomotive
or does it imply that your your jaws go all the way together and you do it like a rotating mastication motion as it is an otherwise it just biting
I think shooting shooting Appliance something’s being accomplished by your biting I think she was certainly more than bite does imply success I was wrong
choo choo choo is like a bike Plus
it’s like a Prestige by hot under the collar over here
Bayou boys Spencer prestigious he becomes controller and I become and I just stand in the back and let people know that you’ll eventually we will go from performing at nerdmelt to just melt that I love that go check it out it’s hot as blazes so I’m glad I miss that I think it’s I think it’s been a bit of a cooker or is that just the friction from the UK leaving the EU should or shouldn’t I live right. I love when you worked on a couple weeks is a great time loads of Herman and I were there for the brexit I was there I exited Britain before Britain exited
but first of all exit it just as they were exiting I wonder if you would have liked gun faster than the speed of light
I think the the real the real bummer for me is that I think I got paid in pounds and I don’t think I’ve been paid yet so I think I just lost a few thousand
Don’t Cry For Me Argentina you know I mean I don’t even know what that’s what I just said there’s a part of my brain that’s like what what what is what is the EU
what problems did he solve by you know there’s a Chase was going and seeing what’s going on how I felt when one of the I think one of the palins had an illegitimate kid or something like that for like a couple days I was like voicemail bit but it felt like I just felt like what the whole Trump saying like the brexit was sort of like America got to kind of take a weekend for a while the UK has lost its moral High Ground on America’s stupid yeah however we’re going to reclaim that in November I think
no because they are smart friends are smart cousins are stupid to we have to prove that we’re more stupid than that because we fucking are it’s going to be bad
it doesn’t really matter if people don’t vote until I listen to sound bites they don’t listen to information they don’t even know what the EU is not like the number one Google search the day after it was at what is the EU vote for they thought they were being protesters 30% of a said fuck this shit and I know 60% or 51% or whatever like they didn’t realize that they actually were part of a movement
well I mean thanks for the language
is it to her friends over there I don’t know I’m trying to put a just if I don’t feel better yes yes thanks for the language what what do they call the first floor this is your a tooth you’re up your upper floor you’re looking at the window down at the street on the first floor. You press the button and then you go up to the first floor works like that a lot of places it’s fucked up don’t get me wrong are you fucking kidding me you never seen an elevator that has an L at the bottom floor
the second floor explore one it’s fucked up you guys are fucking whoever’s calling out back there. That’s not see elevators in this weekend let me don’t even get me started man elevators and it writes it with a G and then pee and then there’s an Ellen Abby and then like like give it give a brother a number all right all right okay so that was the end of the show is bring it bring them out like a bullet train but I also don’t want to do all compete with each other so it’s bring them out one at a time so let’s let’s keep the international business going
let’s bring out your kiwi friend might my friend to your kiwi friends
Eminem to you but he’s your friend too yeah he’s he’s sexy he’s just he just has that kind of good-looking but it’s a little a little bit of a distraction for the fact that he’s a great he’s a great actor and he plays a vampire on television let’s bring out.
hello Daniel
hey hello I thought your beard I just I just kitchen to take your beard smells great in your beard or so you just got picked up for your 4th season of The Originals
which is a spin-off of Vampire Diaries Vampire Diaries started right next to the community they were in the same time slot we are a little little sister shows now it’s still chugging along and it’s got a kid of its own weight on a half-season this time we’re doing that I would it were only doing 15 so I can actually see my family know what kind of stuff happens in a serialized object after after 10 years of vampire storylines what is
what are the word remains to be resolved
why isn’t the town that they’re in either fully vampire or
it seems like an untenable conflict I never I never watched the what was it called blood blood simple blood blood blood man blood people who aren’t that was like the most popular like like like at the height of a I just asked the question I don’t know if they got your show will it start with
I do All the Right Moves you want to bring this trailer you got to come on down here and all of the wrong things
doesn’t know it has a little bit of a vampire
what the fuck
what days are the vampires in the black people are the townspeople
weather cuz what happens is while the vampires and the people are fighting the brexit happens or something so the economy collapses and then the marriage worked in the third Act of the pilot is it says like vampires need blood people have blood knowing what to get for a bit by vampires vampires don’t run out of people
I know you never close your eyes and I was thinking of Tom Skerritt too for real
Tom Skerritt alive kristofferson’s the fucking mare is that they’re able to say is I need a couple more days
you took time out of your Burt Reynolds assassination to come here and they’re having a half-day that is what a cool generosity beautiful if you’re stopping here and now you’re going to go kill Burt Reynolds was your character been killed brought back to life
are you talkin about exhausted narratives yeah it’s it’s it’s a bone of contention I got to tread carefully to this fucking Widefield I won’t have a job you can say anything you want about your show Fallout yeah yeah perfect 11 I think I believe it’s 11 it might be 14 that’s right so we did so in addition to normal can’t kill you miss you also are a vampire that can’t be killed is it just can’t be killed is so much is it magic or other Wizards invoking their will upon you
is it like they miss your heart I didn’t know Spencer was here yeah
he’s so fucking beautiful I’ll thanks my love but it did you like the eclipse lovingly I mean I love him like everybody comes for Karl Pilkington come on. Talker Brothers nope are you coming back
enjoy yourself you forbade me to watch it you said I love the way I love the way you as my ex and I felt it as I wouldn’t I wouldn’t wash it anyway but we should bring up more of our friends Duncan Trussell
is this the sexiest show we’ve done yet is cuz already the sexiest bunch of where can I buy restaurant
oh my God
why did you know that I gave him a I gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek and I went to an astral plane
I was going to take he said astral plane this is a really obscure reference I was going to what is that Stephen King book that he wrote with another horror movie writer where the Talisman and you know when the date for those of you is so basically you drink that shity like vomit tasting stuff and he transported to another dimension where everything smells the way it’s supposed to smell is it supposed to get there anyway your your beard smells like the right way beard should smile.
you can all smell it after the show
Virginia. Smith after the show tell me $12 like I know it’s hard to come and do a show and then like you’re realizing people are relying on you for the leaves and you just kind of stand outside your you realize you’ve been hunched over and speaking in a monotone and like a shity rider terrible shity person masturbating in the amount of like it’s just so fucking sad
play I know I’m not a I’m not a professional I’m really just really like I’ll be handed opportunities that are like absolutely fantastic and easy to knock out and fun and something I’m passionate about and then the minute that it entered the zone of like like oh you know there be no way to fuck this up or yeah looks like I’ll just figure out how could you got you got the book you have 9000 TV shows you get you got a million deal pictures of going on like how do you even organize your time between all those things I just let Steve do it
I have another question like what what’s your what’s your version of this all working like what is your terms of like having to write original stuff like Blake and it but it’s been awhile that’s it cuz I like Community taught me how to like work with psych people at in and out of things that needed to get done I went when there’s like when there’s like a lot of people involved you can’t fuck up that much leg leg leg but but when it gets down to like do this is up to me to do a thing on and no one’s around to yell at me so it’s not like I’ll just like it’s just abuse is kind of amazing but I don’t know my therapist said she said we should do that.
what the heck the show is already texting
are we starting a sexy calendar what’s going on I know there’s not a lot of gender balance on stage but I don’t think the ladies will be complaining I mean we all look at fine but if you could guess who’s playing a vampire on TV
is it very easy
what what month should you be in a sexy hunk comedians of a calendar what a horrible idea
you had to do it what do I have to do and I’d like to like it’s something that you and part of the answer and we just got two months
please get a holiday months and a Leica free for free for 6 months cuz I go to San Bruno or realize that there was a month people wanted in
bullshittin I just don’t want that. I thought you were like I was thinking pile of leaves
a shadow whoever it is his breath for the firefighter
you’re in a pile of leaves in a in a swimsuit and like you got your glasses on the bridge of your nose but if you like zoom in
not cool dude
I don’t know as it to me it’s
to me it’s a tragic events and what is Santa today
did you find yourself as a as a as a as a liberal guy on the internet kind of legs or just in regular life do you find yourself kind of like going to that muscle that used to use to be like of course I didn’t mean to your speaking correctly rip yeah I think it’s good to just let that muscle atrophy and whatever comes out comes out as most of us here know that Trump is going to be exactly what this country needs and I’m not afraid of saying it anymore
I think it’s good to sweat it I think it’s good to let it come out if you could have sailed or attacked for it or whatever you know that’s a thing man. Just stuck in my head and the more I think the more I think about it the more I think that pretty much sums it all up which is just say tell the truth how you feel right then in the moment let it come out if that’s who you are and someone gets angry at you for that thing didn’t I think you said it to me it’s like they’re angry at nature and that you know they’re angry at the wind or something are you actually I haven’t seen you in a little while are you actually supporting Trump okay I was like oh my gosh there’s going to be supporting Trump always say it’s like he always speaks his mind well so two children and we don’t make them president
be a great movie but he doesn’t some weird simulation of Tom Cruise and his head I think you and I know a lot of people say is in like maybe he’s in a shit ton of dad or whatever but it does seem to have somehow manifested a lot of massive skyscrapers and in usually that indicate not some lunatic who just Rambles but some kind of very manipulative person so I think part of his deception on one level is to seem just like some loose cannon or something like that went underneath it is just a classic All American huckster like that which is a really old American tradition
American con artists the guy was like comes into town with a bunch of bullshit medicine gives it to people
Grimm comes into town Hilton monorail at a snake oil and then rides it away from Robert Preston The Music Man Without but without the catchy Tunes is not that he’s like oh shit he’s just a big baby big baby is if it’s a very very intelligent manipulative being anything but a complete emotional and intellectual immaturity like I was kind of waiting for the for the near the floor and I couldn’t I can’t see that I mean maybe I’m not smart enough to see how just how smart he is better
that’s what you getting may you can’t you can’t you can’t wear a ball cap and and stand behind the podium and run for president he’s proving you can I read an article about this guy’s I read this article about the hair he wears the cap because his famously ridiculous hair that’s always caught looking like fucking cotton candy you know on an autumn day it’s like someone told him it’s like this can’t be part of the campaign you have to take this out of the equation in the ball cap literally does that there’s no more of these pictures of him getting out of airplanes we looks like a fucking retard Jesus Christ I really felt
I’m talking about Trump his hair looks crazy it doesn’t look like someone who can touch their hair
the politician that is recognized a demographic in the world which is a demographic that maybe isn’t the smartest demographic ever Maybe
I truly think that if you support Trump your other stupid or evil
what would it be one of the blood people
I’m telling you you’re looking you’re looking at the new politician it’s all versions of this brand new kind of politician graphic crazy Smokey orange watch like resale Furniture commercials or car commercials in front of some cars cuz they keep doing it it’s the presidential political version of that where they figured out if I get in front of the mattress came they figured out that that works
but I still don’t I mean killing me you anyways you listen to a different podcast find out it’s a bad idea for everybody but so let’s let me pick things up a notch with my energy
how do you how do you how do you chew an adderal has low energy what song is the first adderal take a little nap
take me to the 12 fucking time another hunky guy or a show I’m just I don’t know I don’t think anybody said yes like I’m kind of a bad dude you’re following me and my brothers Shenanigans I just haven’t watched it but it’s like no no
no I have not great and when you go to New Orleans that place seems like there should be vampires there it would make sense that you’d run into vampires I don’t want it sitting isn’t is Diaries based on Anne and rice property alright alright thank you you know what happened to me I’m at Obama 2 days ago
if you cannot reach them
yeah I meant weather tell us more why so
there was a conference and is a very serious conference and Barack Obama was going to speak at it and they were like which is a terrible idea they were like Silicon Valley guys should go and do 10 minutes before like open for the president
we went on in this very serious conference for people from Rwanda in Jamaica van talking about how they’re trying to get entrepreneurship going in their countries I’m the second and could you tell me if the Pakistan up or tape a story
they were like if you swear on stage you won’t get to meet the president that’s literally what they told us we were on stage and then we got to pick that’s his rule like he said that I don’t want to meet anyone who curse is what what what what what what was the stage manager or one of the organizers of the summit was like how did he say it was his exact contacts. She said she would as soon as a terrifying woman she’s representing the land say hey
one more thing if you swear on stage you won’t get to meet the president get to be one more thing and the first thing I don’t know this was like two hours into the brief the meeting that we had organized was this Summit organised Barack Obama
so she lays down the law that sound like a harmontown when I get see who shows up
it’s not like he texted him that they hate your room tonight I’m going to stop by and blow your minds with a 20-minute speech that’s going to make you cry and laugh and so we saw him speaking to give this great then he then he hosted a panel and then we met him afterwards he hadn’t seen the show Benjamin 6 months for real I kind of made a bad joke and then he was like he was funny people don’t turn into Shooters that’s what everybody’s laughing
I think it’s just sad that the problem is that severe that he’s thinking of something and he was just like it’s good to be here I got to go pick up Shooters and everybody laughed and I said but that doesn’t mean that unfunny people are all shooters that it was a silent for 5 minutes and he said yeah that’s not what I meant.
Valentine I am so sorry if I’m going to go my ears turn red when I saw him like Cross of the con Valley office Binger
I got that The Last Ship went up one notch.
He was very nice to see that Last Ship
the show about is it about all the ships are gone and there’s only one ship left
I really honestly don’t know I think there’s some kind of like there’s there’s explosions on the shore and there’s a ship I don’t know is and explosions it’s like a quarantine anything it’s a quarantine Drama Oh and then the ship is on the ocean and they’re the only ones they don’t know what’s happening on those and maybe a picture of baby and Space is really small and shine
there’s no holiday.
That didn’t last more than four episodes today Preppers I talk to somebody that does new people that like producers on it that the first couple are actual people that doomsday prep the rest was completely just fabricated they just they got people that like they just found people I bet I know I hear your kind of passionate about the poles reversing do you like macaroni yeah I do would you be willing to hold these giant prop bags of macaroni and say where we go when the pole shift I’m going to have all the macaroni I can eat
there’s not three seasons worth of people that are awesomely prepping for the Doom of the lifetime Network’s website to get a bunch of shipping containers they’re super cheap they’re bulletproof there tornado proof they’re everything proof I think they’re even do you know they’re there closer to being Fallout proof If you do that then say I don’t know.
they have doors shipping container if you’re going to be fine I just make a little like a little instant instant dungeon knee I I don’t want to be a name I can’t just bury him though like I got to tell you I’ve been looking this up since I was in high school and according to Leading Structural Engineers you bury one of those things it crunches in words like a can it’s not designed to store weight will you could do it you just got to reinforce it in at that point just build a bunker I wasn’t reading for write in a box under the fucking ground it would be the best you’re going to end up
that’s what I meant
I interviewed a guy who bought a Lyme’s. Like the United States military hollowed-out this massive I think it was a lie
is mountain and he put all these RVs inside of it so and you can basically you can lease a space in it drive your RV under the mountain and then when the apocalypse happens you got to make it to the mountain but then you have a place to stay until we went on a tour of this place and up in this Limestone cave in next to one of them I guess the indicate the prospective clients that is a kid friendly place he’s put some AstroTurf and a little kids bike like a like a ball

we’ve ever seen and Mikey realize this guy was giving me the tour he’s going to be God under this mountain when they seal the door he was the overseer was really creepy but under seer
now I meant we’ll see. I don’t remember how much it was pretty reasonable I remember was like for like same for like the end of the world having a place to go to or the fantasy that you have a place to go to cuz he’s taking care of all the prep shit right so I was feeling the Jukebox with I Think We’re Alone Now
theme songs like in the beginning it was gold or on apocalypse theme
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes related my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema with Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
years ago I had to do some Uso tours would you carry or didn’t profit for the troops around and we did one show up in Stavanger Norway for NATO troops and like highfalutin Fancy Pants is that work for NATO and we went and visited Hitler’s Northern bunker which was a giant complex carved into a mountain like an actual superhero he knows I’ve had how I’m straight-up super villain Lex Luthor
a picture of giant mountain with giant Tunnel built Engineers it looked exactly like dr. evil should be shot that Hitler’s bunker wasn’t fun I would have thought that’s the real truth
I think it’s kind of funny that like think we’ve talked about this before you know the old the meme of Hitler from that movie and you know it’s been everything’s been done with the subtitles and then there was a guy like we had talked about this as I was there was some guy who looks like a bit like that they have no idea what Corporation company or something like I don’t know tried using that Hitler meme to like do it like a little thing about their butter or something and I don’t know why your butter and he’s like
it’s kind of funny how our our S&P is kind of projected inward or outward from some weird core of our body that’s actually just we’re just thinking like like no one no one is offended by that buy that in relation to butter but everyone was like you can’t sell butter and do that
because if you do then is like like like it’s more like we monitor each other for like a flickering LED you know they were just like scumpit when is flickering too much like it doesn’t have anything to do with that actually being offended it’s just like if you don’t if you haven’t gotten the part if you can’t figure out that what was Hitler’s Angela I haven’t seen a quit subtitles to Hitler losing a shit when he realizes that the Russians are coming he’s losing the war and so it’ll be about that the Dallas Cowboys are having another Bad season usually like people don’t like off and make it in there
some some guy who was technically like accountable to some company like that end in bins with something like that you know it was like remember what was it I can’t remember if it was a girl
there was a time now I’m laughing because what I have to now say after laughing this much there was a lady who was famous for killing her baby
you’re right that is where Casey is the trending topic was not guilty and so some like kid that worked in Entenmann’s I think it was was like who’s guilty of eating delicious
I was just thinking like like I got to get up on this trained guilty for some reason
specifically I punished one so I just kind of looked like they were like
I’m trying to do that obviously they were actually making it they didn’t know they were probably like oh it’s a trending topic one more customer
anyways I like that stuff I love the triumvirate of trump Casey Anthony and Hitler documentary
no not right now so it’s it’s amazing cuz it’s about like the LAPD and so do the racial inequality 60 seventies eighties and then with OJ’s Korea and then 90s obviously you know he killed two people and did he represent if I did it if I did it would be the cover of that book now everyone’s like oh yeah if I didn’t get a big joke but if you actually see the cover in Big Red Letters it said I did it and then inside and yeah if you know why cuz I can see that it looks like
and so they probably went to steal his Heisman Trophy check back but it was a crazy story cuz he gets his friends together and he’s going to go get some of the stuff back but CC the hotel footage of him and his friends but they get lost so you see the footage of them like going up and down elevator is like going here and then coming back it’s like Keystone Cops and it’s it’s it’s such a great documentary you would love it and that that stuff isn’t it at the end like him getting arrested because I don’t know what he did before he got arrested for this he was making like he was releasing rap albums and shit while doing cocaine in Vegas like the videos of him like it’s amazing
Vegas does a restaurant called the Golden Steer it’s like a famous old steak restaurant where was John Wayne’s like Winchester rifles are up there in this is Sinatra boots and Joey Bishop
Dave Kline has two things freestyle rap and Natalie Wood but there is a table if you want so you could call the last supper table as if you have a big group and that’s what AJ had his last dinner before he turned himself in for the go to jail for the kidnapping break in listen to me you still the juice juice
if you been to that steak out with him at Steakhouse in Vegas this got all the like sad cow paintings all over the wall looks kind of like John Wayne Gacy painting of the creepiest fucking place amazing. That’s special like wagyu beef or they like they rub soap into the cows for a year or whatever
nice flavor into the marble but I swear to God I was sitting in there eating and all the sudden it underneath the music it was like they were playing the sound of cows being slaughtered yeah yeah that sounds like
Pine animal sounds like underneath it off like you get the feeling whoever that she hates his mom was trampled by cows or something cuz I need a genocide and I’m going to first of all make sure it’s the best steak you can get your delicious show you the picture of the cow dying slowly being beaten with a shoe and they’re like they just it’s like they know something’s not quite right and the painting to make a painting of you days are numbered
turn off. I don’t know I don’t know if this is real slaughterhouse oil painter
Duncan and I were talking about this is podcast I was just two hundred guests and we briefly and we both agreed that what if you were going to get eaten by cannibals like like like the saying they let just let’s just centralized it and say it’s like traditional like like movie no not no not my actual just like I’m trying to ground it’s a like an 80s like thing where it’s like you’re you’re you’re in the jungle and you’ve been caught by an indigenous tribe of people that eat human flesh and so you are to them you’re you’re you’re you’re praying you’re you’re you’re you’re getting like prepared to be cooked and then you’re going to get eaten
do you want them to enjoy you
but you know that the pain is it
you know I ain’t no God what is this because I taste funny
Obama’s law is your back of the watch list since you asked that question anything about it but I’m thinking about it like cuz I’m trying to think like like like like I’m picturing like okay so I’m long gone and then they’re like they’re talking about work and stuff and then like like they’re eating me wait wait what are they are they are you a hamburger eaten in by the way
because I’m just trying to create like a cannibal
but why hasn’t he mad cuz I’m trying to I’m trying to make it as much as possible like it is just people are eating just a palatable I’m not sure I’m trying to remove so that’s why I’m going with like a weird cartoonish like tribe of cannibals because they’re like of theirs is like this mythical people that eat people on this Earth for them it’s ever it’s just we just Wednesday and then and then I don’t want to get into like try not to like write like all the like to Coconut Robinson Crusoe technology that they used to eat me some just picturing like my my relatives like Easter or something I just like a banquet table and then I was like chunks of me and like macaroni and like and like a savings of my a son like a deranged in a fan with like two Mentos and
let’s leave the ladies out of it tonight like good just to let us commit to it and step count chap chap chap captain captain captain captain cannibal
so what did you do yesterday I ate some people to go hunting for people trying to grow people but that’s so you know that’s like they’ve been chewing on me for a little bit it’s not like oh let’s try this it’s like like like they got there they were busy the guy that cooked me is like still cooking me see if there’s trace of talk to you until like like like I mean it doesn’t matter if you can’t tell it doesn’t matter so it’s like late but then selling one of these guys is like yeah well you got to you got to worry about that cuz if you don’t
this is so good I want to think about it I’m dying is that like a picture of the other thing where they’re like they’re like yeah I don’t like that I don’t like that you like which one do you want no I don’t know it’s going to be a rejection lightly spotting the
you and you want it’s nice you want to feel now that you’re going to be aware of it but you want to be like so am I so I’m thinking about it more like no I hope they choke on it like likely because it’s somehow maybe if they choke hard enough they won’t be eating me God I don’t want to get eaten by cats like forcing you into a realm we have two already accept the beginning of the scenario that your dad and your being eaten where this guy is hippie guy fight throws a rock at a jungle chicken any granny take jungle chicken chicken
are there any I think it was working
I’m pretty sure it was a chicken maybe planting easy to hunt animals
when he wakes up he picks up the jungle bird and he he’s like and it’s not he’s stunned it is I think you may be trapped her throw a rock at and stunned it he picks it up and he brings it up to his face and he’s like I am so sorry I need your life energy right now I need you I need you in any snaps its neck and I was thinking that’s the most fucked-up chicken doesn’t speak English and
a right and then inches
yeah you’re going to eat this is an HP Lovecraft tell me something is like there’s another contrast that with another of my favorite episode of naked and afraid is Suze Orman dude who the Mormons like they refused to Lake huddle for warmth.
if my memory this was it and I’ve seen it before is a Mormon person who 5:00 that he was kind of lost his mind in the Heat and he started trying to get this lizard and I’d like the first day of hunting a lizard he grabbed the lizard by the tail the lizard king size of a goddamn like you’re on your pinky that’s like like like like
everyday it comes out and it mocks me and I thought he started losing his mind and if I seem like lizard came out I were at a certain point he wasn’t even patient it was just like you just turned and I think the lizard came out he grabbed it in his hands and it ended it just went
NFL face so that the lizard could make eye contact with him
and and with no irony no no poetry no glibness outs actual fucking Hemingway level like like just me and the lizard like I said you like that lizard to head off
it was a piece of Hubba Bubba I get to eat
more excited about how much suffering with a geyser
side of religion do that’s what happens when you go out and you biting heads off when I get back to the great guy I was wondering how much they get paid to do it so they don’t have nothing to go out there for 21 days it’s like 4000 probably whatever the test there there that’s what they say about the bility good ideas you are strangers die all the time what if they were strangers
it’s a contest you want a contest where the reward is you get to spend 21 days in an exotic location trying to survive while being filmed by a camera crew but that’s a great shot whatever country you go to date we just declare war on it and they said you over there and you’re an enemy combatant cell
don’t laugh
are you wearing the
currently I smoke kush I woke up from a nap and I was in a rush and I think I’m okay
you pull it off you pull it off I think it’s tough for dudes to pull off and on face ball hats I think so but you could definitely be like a spokes he could be the logo for like a spot spot spot garage door openers on our dearly departed friend Sam Simon I went to his house one time I hear I had a party and I walked in wearing a hat and and I had like a Spector Gadget
I don’t think it’s I think it’s more like it’s a William Burroughs like you seem like you would you would you might be you might shoot heroin and some some but not like the normal likes like you know normal like white trash shooting heroin like heroin and a nice beautiful beautiful like Opium Den fireplace reason why I would never do heroin
because it would be I would really I think I really get into it because I think like I mean I wouldn’t do it because I’d like mature when you’re a teenager of smoking I never did it cuz I would like to have the lighter the tapping of the thing and they have reason to leave the room and go outside and have a cigarette but also if I were to smoke or I would probably be fancy about it and I would like to make my friend that goes to a tobacconist in Seattle it has its own numbered blend of tobacco and if they make him his own cigarettes like I’ll be one of those old vintage 1920s set that was used by Greta Garbo is uncle or whatever like
you don’t want to do heroin as you like spend too much money on the approved amount
because I would die doing heroin but the reason why I never get into it is because I would like to see you guys you guys
just to pick things up a notch his tent what when did the when I was weeks ago I was going from the airport to the hotel and then Steve Levy called and he was in tears and was he sick I mean other than are you a sociopath why is he crying
from their eyes what is this song I mean I’ve I’ve been prepared for it forever psychologically cuz I’ve had cats of the gun down before and then it was like of indeterminate age but will you at least 10 and she was at 5 positive and she’d had a whole slew of lately last couple years she had like to know when they gave me the big bags of fluid with the big large gauge needle I was like look great. Like lay here we go let you get out I was ready and the but she was fine I mean I think they might have had like kind of a kitty Alzheimers kind of thing going on because towards the end she she she did she really stopped caring about the dogs as much
sad the dogs are kind of terrorizing her and I tried to and she was sort of like she didn’t really care where she was and what she has like a weird wiggle to her head that was happening and I kept wondering why she wasn’t thyroid medication I was like I wonder if that’s like the thyroid medications like jacking up a little too much would take her take her in and routinely and a lot of shit going on and so after I left for Canada two weeks ago apparently the cat sitter came over and she was like meowing in pain and it’s like walking funny so she took her to the vet and welcome to the best podcast ever if you’re never more than a trump observation away from a dead cat story
but by time she text you she took her to the vet and she had she had she had a pancreatitis and it was in such bad shape that they started prepping her for an emergency like saying like they were going to like send her to a facility or something like that while they were prepping her for surgery she had a stroke Spencer was there I got there a stroke and so she was essentially like I had to like authorized the first I had to verify who is the idea that I’m supposed to give her missions but yeah it seem like she was like she was like essentially they were keeping her alive and she was like that’s a door of Eternity and I had to
hey lake so II to end it right yeah she probably but yeah she probably wouldn’t have
like you said $750 cap but you just like Rubio’s so my policy I had about
they said what they said with the with the insulin it would have been like 750-800 to you about it this is an interesting to me I was telling my therapist about it and I was expressing all this kind of self-loathing about it lately which I would tonight except like I think she stepped in because I was I was like oh man I just hit the deadbeat the cat owners jackpot because I was felt really guilty about how this she was she and I were like buddies and partners and I just kind of like the dogs came into the picture and I got super busy and her last years were not the same as you know the Benjamin Button twenty-five-year-old years with the mattress on the floor and she and I just like fucking you know painting the room and and her coming up with ideas for my screenplays and me letting her help my arms as she wasn’t Spade yet you know
relationship and she traveled with me through several homes and intimate others all of whom he adored her and everyone that met her loved her and I just felt agonizingly guilty in general cuz I was like oh she was neglected like interlac you know she just became like like a big house and she just kind of started hanging out it was like I’m busy and I was expressing my therapist and she said no
sounds like you have a lot of issues about neglected like your cat you know has is going to bring a lot of that stuff up but first and foremost while she’s still your cat that just died wanted to make sure that you mourn her because what you’re doing right now is actually taking away from that process which was kind of profound me I was like oh I was like making her death about me and making it sad which is like the opposite of a cannibal going like this is delicious Dan Harmon like I really do think that you didn’t eat the cat in the midst of all this stuff like she might die if she does what do you want to do with the body should I put it in the freezer
you said Spencer was all busted up
are you being sarcastic no not at all
hardest Mandarin uses really tough
Dan your assistant Steve it was more than just was not diminish him he’s he’s he’s not summed it all the way around but he’s such a good assistant he he let me know about that he actually that signal let let your friends know about Phil it’s pretty amazing weed in Canada right now like he didn’t like I don’t know how much he knew about what your grief
Jump Jump party the first song in my head that seems like the opposite of what you should be listening to if your cat dies
that story was so sad it made that man throw up into a back don’t call about just fine
yeah somebody’s brats in the room will be fine wow
are you alright sir prop is not it is is it he’s unconscious do you need
how can we help how can I help you somewhere at the house I’ll call Diana Lewis
what was happening
I guess Wallace from The Originals
Jen is over there helping Empire that’s a sick World sitting here like a awesome hilarious a wonderful father and husband and everything is used when the Katrina happened he was like working but he was eating he had stuff going on he just he’s from New Zealand but he was living here he just picked up shit told us why I’m going to fucking go and he went to let me tell the humanity rap he went there and Jesse’s like I can’t watch the news and watch what’s going on here without helping so he goes to New Orleans and he
hey I’m here I want to help people and I you can’t help people that you work with the Red Cross is on this red tape and all the stuff so he commandeered a fucking bulldozer or some shit stole a Red Cross sticker I hear you looked right into the construction workers eyes and cast a spell over
all right
very briefly a werewolf from Amnesty International
who is Joy there cuz he knows there’s blood banks wasn’t going there to help you
surrounded them would Garlic’s I was real tough he he actually like he actually is a good person that like would sacrifice his own time livelihood and safety I just went out there and said like like to let me hop I’m just going to pretend I’m just going to like go around like the red tape and just get shit done and if it’s amazing why couldn’t you save my cat
where was he when my cat was dying
I was thinking of Fosters
throwing a beer is not the best idea tap it it’s going to blow
princess listening Dave client just passed Daniel Gillies their largest can of beer
my tiny Trump hands couldn’t catch it
how long were you in New Orleans and got a bulldozer or so to help him move debris and believe me I went down there was no rent anything if a vehicle in Louisiana and I ended up looking around in Mississippi to try and find something like a truck I knew I’d need something as some sort of vehicle if I was going to be helping people and
and that’s a name-dropper 8 it’s okay if you hang out with her so where is my pal the Ryan Gosling and I really got
you’ve got that you drop that might like that name
dropping mics and name that’s so cool that’s so cool so cool
I forgot this part of the story
so you called movie star Ryan Gosling

we’re not behaving like people that want the rest of the story which I do
I put it up in the word symmetrical
and there will be soon sorry
I love making a call to Ryan and I said hey should we go at the week we should go and do something about this I’m I’m going to the airport tonight to try and get to it to Mississippi cuz that’s where I can rent a car because all the vehicles are gone in Louisiana and I he said he was already on his way
he’s obviously driving obviously he’s already packed to take us to suitcases he has ever run
you know I never I never dreamed that this story would sound as fabricated as it does amazing and like what every part of life should be like everyone should see a movie going to be watching disabled, like yeah and I said I said I said I’m on my way to the airport actually done some Mississippi I got hired as a bull shit moving truck and then I drove to Louisiana and Ryan was already saying it’s saying to meet him in the walk since we went to I went to come in and Block C but we couldn’t get past a certain
security area so I said that we should steal some some Red Cross stickers because the Red Cross actually about the way that they were approaching everything like that the way in which they were Distributing when they were the red swastika
I didn’t tell you they had to change that. That was enough I like a boy but a couple of days before we before I stole the stickers I was getting bummed out working with the red car I don’t want to sound disparaging. But they would do it being super regulated about it was so now it’s in the day that you could work and you can help and it was like sort of 10 to 4 and we were like what we want to see the gun to the heart of things in Biloxi was the most fucked-up so we ended up I’m stealing some stickers from the Red Cross the we could get through the m security in and we ended up
sitting up at it like a temple there the Hindu soda Temple things are there says there’s a huge population there actually and then we ended up we met up with some guys who had bulldozer bulldozers that exists and and we will see the clearing debris from the street
barely but you are no I’m not I don’t know what do you mean you set up a nice Refuge you and Ryan Gosling built the Hindu temple
Serena that’s what I thought their City’s Revenue by 10% it’s like a profitable Temple Ryan Gosling to the coolest thing I’ve ever seen as a gift that’s what hotel does a few rooms have awesome balconies of big
like this look dining room in it like a full-on
Natalie Wood and dining rooms for those of you playing bingo tonight
didn’t care nothing for the dining room’s mine blown and in walks a seven-piece band 10704 East La Mariachi band in like a silver embroidery and it came in and they’re singing Cielito Lindo him he went to eat
turn the balcony and they fucking serenaded us and then they found out and it was like that’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life I like $300 but you’re partying like
gifts that’s really good well how do we get to be friends with this guy and I am friends with him can I tell you my story
you’ve been waiting by race
no eyes when I was when I was think when I was in college I went we went to India and we were taking a boat down the Ganges River so we’re on the country’s river river of death floating floating down the river bloated and and birds are riding on its back and I look at my phone and like I just don’t think I can handle all this death Gosling explodes any he says death is just a part of the cycle of life
that’s amazing that he’s so cool
Arena Daniel I don’t know if he’s going to beat us up or
please do a joke to Obama Ryan Gosling drop from the ceiling was that that wasn’t that bad
he dropped down in front of Obama as a bubble walked away and whispering to Obama and Obama came back to you until like I’m second thought given my joke yours wasn’t that bad hahaha
I think that’s the coolest thing ever do to imagine that when disasters are happening there are
beautiful famous symmetrical men
on the way to help that’s a really cool fucking think it’s amazing kids
Daniel this is your worst nightmare
because okay so Mike Rivera was obviously escorted amount
I was still talking to Daniel he was onstage Daniels already invested in action bring me don’t Point em out
how do you know what did you do anything about his wife Ryan Gosling to it with the guy just called and Uber and Gosling is coming and then a helicopter shows up and hanging off the ladder
there’s the Dark Montage of of stories are like a brush with the Interpol and then we started freaking shiting on him at the end of that credit sequence
sing after 2 years years years years and then you go to this the Gosling cave and he’s doing push-ups music 3000 okay
to be sitting in there like like like late that would be a sad moment cuz I think now he’s ready I mean I mean Hindu deities and I’ve been sitting in front of them
Sundown on the 2nd and then he’s like he’s like he’s in a bizarre and he’s a finishing he’s going to do and there’s all these people climbing him and kissing him
I kind of like British colonial office building where he’s a detective
how do you play soccer with some kids on the way back but that kid on page 70 blows up car on the back at the cigar bar in a few stores that information later on but he finds out there’s a guy that left a burn kids of cigars and shit like that in it
we were making a fun detective sexual like I’m like Pepper Potts kind of like it’s too it’s too hot to be sexualized until the end of the movie kind of relationship and and she’s like what’s going on out there he’s like I got to come all the way to Jakarta and there’s a kid out there’s going to fucking cigar burn in the back of his head Ryan you can’t save everybody wherever you go it’s like what are the cases I have another
the Jakarta walrus poaching trade e Burns kids sometime
to really be part of a murder mystery on a real train into his responsibility for figuring it out but I feel like if there’s a murder on a train let’s stop that train with all get off if you stop at your house I think the trains it needs are using that track I don’t think you can just stop a train I’d prefer to have it stopped in that instead of the quickest way to get to a place where there’s cops and stuff is to keep the train moving if you stop the train who can get there but the truck is already occupied there’s there’s been a murder on a closed but you’re inside. The trains going through Siberia it’s like it and if it’ll help who are you oh man
on the train if you come into a stations you have to stop every so often on a train the cops are to the two visible on the platform they have the freaking you know he’s hiding in the bathroom
a little less easy to walk I was just going to say that
yeah you should not be able to walk out of a trained or climb up on the roof as an option
all the time is it going to rain so you going to make those tunnels higher murder is on top of trains aren’t they aren’t the people that kill people at the tunnels tunnels killed kill people on top of train tunnels kill people that the person that gets killed on top of a drink a train fight they’ve studied this as you’d expect contrary to what movies would have you believe half of the time the guy who gets taken out by the tunnel is the good guy half the time and you might as well flip a coin is Suman the two-man fight on top of a train
you know really register good good job if you have a weapon it’s more likely that you’re going to kill yourself with a weapon that you’re going to defend yourself with a weapon in the same way if you’re on a train it’s more likely that you’re going to kill yourself on the train for sure based on these videos you see knows where there’s a hole there’s a whole thing happening in the I think it’s in India where these kids hang out the side of the train for it till 4 thrill so they will hang themselves outside the train and then there’s a whole genre Now videos of the kids is getting smashed
I can’t get to sleep it’s I can’t get to sleep and I want to watch and I want him lie I mean I can’t get to sleep and then I go right out man you got good fortune plus China equals so I can crazy wanted one in the house cuz he realized that he knew how strong the magnetrons are and how it like how bad they are for our bodies Raymond tunnels are the Transformer
Burger truck
I’m always trying to
that would do a better job making ramen tired of your incompetence doesn’t have to sound like Megatron
one guy and one
Max raid responses
microwave at the inventor of microwave that’s what outrages you beautiful
15th time today that someone has gotten that wrong that was the vibe of him correctly
Medtronic not clocking Magna
the cavity magnetron microwaves is an interaction of a stream of the field has tried to go fuc yourself
we just want to play out this Saturday if you guys podcast forever cuz a magnetron is the tube that makes the microwave so he was more right cuz the thing that’s going around do the thing does the microwave magnetron in the microwave
who knows no more impressed by Dan Starscream
can you do
that’s great yes
Jackie got to be full of trouble
Roll Tide my chest and I fuck your mama cuz I don’t give a fuck I I got a blue head and blue v but they come on separately if you can’t put them on the list of things you want for Christmas since 1983 and your dad just pissed in this fruit punch
Optimus Prime bring a duck memories I got a I got a trailer that transforms into a combat platform there’s a little robot inside kind of like your mama’s pussy it’s wides
take it easy take it easy what are you guys doing I know it’s Megatron dance
Osha Thai iron sizes here
no nothing but hello my name is Mister Johnson
I’m here to mow your lawn son break the leaves going to do it in a pair of Greaves I also do LARPing
to give me a second
I’m walking down your lawn and I’m pulling a thread I found your mama she’s dead she’s buried underground under the sprinkler at the Dig Deeper I found Henry Winkler from happy days but I don’t know what to do without ways if it doesn’t tell me where to go I can’t drive Ryan Gosling starting Drive
Ryan Gosling Ryan track the Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling
beard the beard
yo yo yo yo yo yo
balloons how do you inflate them with their breath don’t hate them you’re going to need them for party celebrate them and put them on a string and let him fly and debate him a balloon that you possess or did you ever had the balloon when was it a dream is it while Fielding errors it would you use steam if you do it might expand and take you out across this glorious land you might come down in a field outside and find a prehistoric you got Stonehenge you got Columbus you got Plymouth Rock and I’m going to fucking pussy
Dan Harmon everybody
okay alright so balloons helium shortage
have you heard about that is a big problem all computers basically are made with helium and we’re just putting them in balloons
when balloons are like all but the problem
I can just pull it out of the sky
you can’t is all the helium living up on the edge of our atmosphere a lot of it is triple bonded hydrogen or is it at sure is Dan
I I don’t know I don’t think so it’s just I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I know so little
don’t lump me in with that bunch of helium I thought that was just a weird thing it’s not funny I’m not going to be able to make computers servation of helium say that we’re going to we’re not going to run out of helium is going to be floating up at the edge of the think they’re going to repeal that law
all right I will really running out of helium yeah yeah because it’s priced not what it’s worth because you can just buy a fucking balloon would cost a lot more to buy a balloon because of how much we could how much value there is in the amount of computers you can make with that helium balloon where is helium a liquid helium for this guy says that’s probably true I mean probably just something with electronic stuff it’s great for conducting chips or something like that
thank you. Sounds like push it sir
I don’t trust get out of here with your other vomiting friend tonight from France it and circulate that’s where we might hit from the clouds
what do I have Liam what was the other
as well or clouds okay
why is it a crowd tonight
girl so fatigued by global events like everyone is just like kind of going through the motions may be next Sunday where are you come true you are a suit t-shirt Lumberjack shirt and shorts and said yes
let’s do it I will finance this
I can’t believe we have another all right so I don’t know I did I did random research for a movie of doing so I know that’s what you just come stand for
it’s horrific yeah I know what do you want me to say for a living I want you to say I want you to talk to you about the waiter and I’ll come over and hello American gentleman was a Jedi
well it’s 9:59 and I’m wondering how to conclude this evening I’m grateful to all of you for sitting through are bullshit thank you so much we’re trying to decide how to conclude and we can take it away I lied I’m not going to do it
are they going to come on everybody
Camille nanjiani
figure out what kind of drive fast take chances this year brought to you by the Ryan Gosling Corporation


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