Episode: 203 – Pubic Hairs Travel Or Migrate


Episode: 203 – Pubic Hairs Travel Or Migrate


Power trio Dan Harmon, Jeff Davis and Spencer Crittenden lay down another classic episode of Harmon. Watch the video at harmontown.com/live


Hollywood California Meltdown Comics in the North Mount veeder Hermantown is now in session
Spencer Crittenden
Dan Harmon
thank you thank you
put some Jets my shirt
Danny do you know that tomorrow would be our fourth anniversary of the first Hermantown the 4th anniversary Dan
how do we keep it so fresh after all these years I have no idea relaxing weekend and you know how it gets you know your energy Flags a little bit you start playing your cookies and like that’s sucking Transformers game your plan
Transformers Earth Wars
It’s Clash of Clans with Transformers
Jeff playing it
you don’t have to play it then are you also playing Clash of Clans or you think I’m starting to Trail off on The Clash of Clans because now I get to be an Optimus Prime or Bumblebee
I wanted to tell you guys all I can really share with you or is the result of good 7 hours of Forensic Files viewing today
I can tell you that pubic hairs travel or migrate by their own volition because they said either travel or migrate the first time by itself and then they’re like that people are going to think they’re like a live like worms so they but I saw the episode where they really walked you through finding out the pubic hairs travel or migrate to different rooms
tell me more about pubic hair migration your weird friend
you saw him to a fella what what is your name a bottle of fernet branca to what I say hooray and harappa
what time will not drink on podcast form
so there was a case where there are these dead children
don’t mention dead children around Jeff
there are these dead children and they wouldn’t know who killed them and end their pubic hairs of course everywhere and the pubic hairs match this guy who lived with the family is not laughing at the death of the children was like desensitization like you keep like making these jokes about people’s haircuts and stuff on there like crying and they lived with them like they’re like dude we found your pubic hairs in the kids room and the guys like so fucken I lived there for the kids get around he’s got to be right right then
forensic guy is like he’s like he’s doing his interview and you guys are so we had to come up with a new a new science and I so I went home and I vacuumed my whole house really well head tell you how is it never been cleaner to vacuum this whole house and then he vacuumed it regular times and counted the pubic hairs
bring a murderer to Justice and it’s like I need to make sure that I don’t while eating breakfast or or watching television or anyting I never engage in any activities that are that go beyond the average amount of pubic hair affect a city. Like I don’t have a crazy like a dance party and I take off my pants and shake my ass around because what if they find that out and and like that lie and then they’re like it cuz he had to find out how far is the average pubic hair go you know and it turns out pubic hairs travel or migrate primarily on stock surfaces
but more than more than the than that hairs off your head or hair dye off your armor is it is all here no no no more than here is no just added just enough that there’s some pubic hairs if you have a kid there’s some some of your pubic hairs are in your kids bedroom but but not but not so many and that they
but those tickets Sox brother in the NFL
try and had been bitten by a hair was holding a picture of today’s New York Times
this guy get offered a guy that works for the forensics I think that he went to jail after the whole thing was over his kids like
Save a Life know you’re everyone’s dead you’re just trying to be the best pubic hair detector you need to stop like a beautiful mind I think
the world’s best pubic hair to Texas migration he was like black and white footage of people their heads were out of frame but they just thought I’d like it was like a lockdown camera shot and then just like different family members a different age people putting on socks and taking them off in like walking around and like just walking through frame and there was another case that it was Reliant and until they say they use that footage again and Cody and I are alike
vacuum cleaner bag stopped at Frederick files when a new murder happens and it uses all the elements of their stock footage cleaner salesman a producer I was about to get fired and he starts committing pubic hair murders
yeah the forensic I don’t have the Forensic Files budget is too high I don’t know about
they said he tried committing 9 cubic a murders that’s what it is that the network says like I can do it take the bloody knife you take the lady coming home from shopping I need to put this thing together you say murder and then he got his own pool so he removes all of his pubic hair and becomes the the alopecia Strangler
and then there’s an episode about it and he’s like yeah like like like you know it’s like a cool movie about about that guys double life
and you’re on his side cuz it’s like a black comedy and I like a dark like Aunt I kind of think how do you catch the alopecia Strangler what was that Forensic Files like you could buy some people by the way they never get caught by the cops there’s always received a call that they’ve been waiting for her at least received the people before you caught a jaywalking
and then they let the three people they put in prison for the crime at the end of the old and gray and they fall down and they are leaving the prison from the weight of the $8 they get from the state
Dan if you ever had a crazy one where I was like I kept rewinding it cuz I was like wait are they trying to do this
Forensic Files of trying to get away with murder because because there was a woman in it who went to police and said I think I like I work in a massage parlor in a lot of these guys get pretty chatty like they like and I think I know this is guys like saying some weird shit like I’d wear a wire for you if you wanted and they’re like no that’s too dangerous and then she called him later and was like yeah that guy just confessed I should have been wearing a wire and they’re like okay well can you record them and get them to do it again
and she tried and it didn’t work and then the guy came and stabbed her after work
it too when she was at like that’s why they made that big weird deal about how she came to that was like we told her is to dangerous like that you didn’t I fucking jumped on it and made her as an amateur sleuth or what does iOS like like like come on man Forensic Files not friends at files the police involved Forensic Files I’m sure they kill people too
you know if it made the difference between I’m going to do more Forensic Files and nnnn getting canceled that they kill somebody
did you you you you you released release the beast
that we watch The Purge movies this weekend I’ll to all two of the ones available at home Purge 2 definitely better than Purge one that’s a lot like a peanuts in a more better than regular turds but I don’t know what your by peanuts I want to think about it but technically speaking out Spencer if you had to choose me in church or Church of peanuts what do you want what are you thinking how do you tell the difference between any other thing that was in your poop
I know it tastes like pain I get you to say it’s like
Isaiah said Corrinne Corrinne the cellulose it doesn’t die with a man that’s what I’m saying whatever I didn’t get a lot of sleep let me tell you what happened when I was trying to go to sleep last night a great I was going to go to sleep I’m laying down laying down on my bed I’m real relaxing I got a fart and I fart and I just shit all over the place just so much shit I’m like lightheaded in I’m getting dizzy from all this shit and I can’t move and I’m just paralyzed you depleted your your blood flow to your brain yeah it was terrifying and then I woke up and it was sleep paralysis and I was completely dry but it was really terrified because I thought I liked was literally sitting my brains out
and then I couldn’t get back to sleep for like an hour but you had not checked yourself no I didn’t even have to shit
is part of the confusion in the fear as soon as you’re able to move you started for the bathroom hair like wait why it’s all good I guess I’ll lay down and what I was convinced was my shit yeah I really had to convince myself it was a shit
it was not in that it was not a deal from that point onward
thinking a lot of snow
I had another dream where I was like walking through dogshit to I don’t know my butt’s fine
what do you think all that shit related dreams signifies really weird I’ve never had that before it is a really weird situation in my life well there you go I ate a whole pizza
my body might a large or medium size pizza large Hawaiian pizza my body was just terrified
a lot of I ate something that that really had me going in the front Department which I refuse to call the department because
I don’t want to get too used to this stuff you know I do it but I was like really I went to Cliff’s Edge over and over doesn’t matter where I went, you seen Cody all weekend or like for a long time with the holiday weekend together so we’re not in the back patio one of LA’s find Summer Breeze restaurants and I had some silly food liquid farts and and something in a one of them like like must’ve I don’t know if I’m lactose intolerant and there was like a milk fish or something and
but I was like I was like farting so much and I am like like with Cody I’m I’m like new I went through a hole like with with McGaughey we kind of decided at the outset we’re like us not fart front of each other and I’ve kind of been doing that for a couple of girlfriends like like you know a 05 who was in when I was working with her she said at one point like I don’t fart like a front of Jimmy and vice-versa we don’t do that and I was like really why don’t you think that’s kind of dishonest of the natural she’s like like like like not like fart all over the person you say you love like I said, I figured your toilet what are you telling them with that expression you know that they’re they’re like your hillbilly brother or like a shock of the sex goes away or whatever
back at previous relationship and I was like yeah man you really get programmed by your kind of families like class system like like like you know they get their aesthetic you know and you don’t even like second-guessing like man I really like what I was like celebrate becoming intimate with a woman by like really starting to fart a lot. Like I kind of get off and I’m thinking like that why don’t you just go in the other room is going to fart so bad like what’s so funny about poopy farts like stop it so you and Cody are like Blake Blake because she was like yeah just like a pendulum you know like with McGaughey and I don’t think it was like mcgathys demand she just likes the idea too and like we I think we can. We really never fart in front of each other and like a little bit
name name a key F sharp
what was that thing I don’t think I mouse was moving in a dresser
does back to the 50s kind of like I think it’s duck season has long enough for the sex life or so far still I’m still creepy
yeah I know that’s it hasn’t really I don’t think it’s changing everything right but but I think. Something like it’s not about whether or not they don’t throw anything at you it should be if they stop laughing then maybe wait until it’s funny again I like I got a couple nights ago I was like like like I’m always more awake than her until then I like I do one that’s a sharp
only talked about it for a little bit Yeah I was really sharp and then like 10 minutes later to do another one and it’s like
does the Gear that yeah all right so then you pull back when you go you go in the basement
finisterra Blue Sky fart where you fart in a completely makes everything that I do you want it I got it was like I was sitting up in bed playing so my iPad game and was like I was like building in like and then I kind of laid down for a bit and was like snuggling in and then I was just like I was going to I’m going to see what’s what’s going on here
and I swear this is my actual estimate of the length like and I got bit maybe it won’t sound identical but this is my actual not exaggerating estimate of the banks of the duration
no no
and then I just kind of like hung there like I’m styling we will you marry me and I was like I love you I love you too
so she didn’t hear it
Stockholm Syndrome
that’s an amazing fart there was a guy on Forensic Files who pronounce the word personality person Natalie
people are so crazy with their crazy hair there should be there and it’s also fun to watch classic Forensic Files because like today we saw one where they fucking they took 25 minutes cuz they were so scared we would know what GPS was
Guy they’re like but the police didn’t have to follow Andrew kessinger they didn’t have to commercial break when I was like high above the Earth 30 miles an outer space I didn’t mean to but they didn’t know we knew what it was they called it the global positioning system or GPS and they took the first letters of each word and animated them going up into the word GPS this is a first-time thing for them they they were explaining it how they were using it to catch a killer and the cops say to you
do you and they say like they are going to look congratulations we know you killed that little girl and you got away with it for now but you know that Graves to shallow you know animals are going to dig it up and then it’s just a matter of time don’t go drive to the shallow grave
dig it up take the body put it in your trunk rub the fibers around drive it to another place to dig a big deep tray to put a flower on it and come back home and measure twice
there’s a good chance but cops are busting out the that shallow Graves going to give you your kids body to the dingo soon so you know it takes three years I don’t change that body I think part of the fun of Killing Children is like riding that wave of how how shallow should I make his grave just for the fucking action again what we’re saying is if you do you’re not doing it to become senator
your money if you’re going to do it 6 in underneath of boots if Point Break as a patient causes your worst fears to come true. I’m saying. Kid just 3 in
and hey while we’re at it same topic kind of related if you’re running for president or a fascist like let go ahead use the original artwork from the meme like with the anti-semitic Star of David on the
I miss the whole thing with there was a thing I mean like through the last one he drove her that he just finds them and then he he’s like he has no help with his Twitter account he has no staff I have to say I think he does I think this is all they can’t be that on prefinished strategy how he test stuff you use the internet to test up so it’s true what if there were multiple tiers to his testing so like what if he did have people like posting crazy I can’t do some men act like racist shit into like super right of right-wing like Message Board seeing how it played with the Hustler magazine crowd then like like Flo pump in a little air into it bump it up subreddit by Subway and then all of a sudden he throws it out there and everyone’s like these statistics are all wrong about black people in crime and he’s and he’s like oh sorry about that like
my face because it’s been like built up on likes layers of sediment I don’t know whatever the case is he tweeted a meme he tweeted a meme it was like a historic Hillary history and then there was a there was her head cut out not cut off like I was like over it just a big pile of money he was just money in the background and then there was a big red star of David David it said most corrupt something like that candidate ever something like that it was like it was like the Star of David and people were like what the fuc
nnnn like deleted that and like switched it and it was a red circle but and then everyone would like you can still see two of the six points of the star underneath the peeking out from under the red circle
I don’t know I just I mean just a as I overheard lady say in a candle store once Amasia balls
amazing eyeball amazing balls
she I guess she’s only succeeded in print the word
amazing balls she thought I was Italian she had she had Natalie
so if you’re going to kill a little girl very or shallow if you’re going to run for president and being nasty to have Hitler speeches next to your bed and if I can start start tweeting of anti-Semitic tweets
get the Wayback machine Goins 1932 that’s what we start making money by the way
who does the America during fucking big ass Wars cuz we’ve gotten so good at Manufacturing in his country after the war’s already running isolationist America during World War fucking Ching yeah but we’re not isolation if anyone at all
we’re currently at war with the rest of the universe right now
either way of saying isolationism fighting a war on all fronts
where am I on trial there’s a Nazi running for president focus on it
he’s not Hitler he’s he’s he’s Mussolini he’s a blowhard asshole
yes I’m good ideas I wanted this podcast as far as Hitler had a plan but he wasn’t just freaking winging it like Mussolini was more of a kind of winging it appealing to Lewis, is not been elected yet come up with a plan Taylor World we’re getting a little bit in the way like there’s more people go and there’s more internet we’re going out to be a Hitler and he’s like no one huge low level Hitler is not praising Hitler it’s it’s it’s it’s not freezing Hitler praising shrimp or whatever at the important thing is that fascist dictator’s they are it’s like
you put your bread out on the counter like is the is the mold that grows on it a genius cuz it’s found the bread it’s like like opportunity breeds fascism like coming countries are laid low when the economy’s focht when cultures start to shift so fast that there’s a huge section of the population that’s like kind of getting disoriented and starting to worry you look like they revert to to this Instinct for tarianism and economic depression recession all these things it’s a potting soil for dictators in particular Fashions to nationalize everything they pick a scapegoat they go like what about these guys were or where they’re coming in there they’re eating all our food stamps or whatever you pick somebody and you got like what if we were at what if we all think
eating food stamps food stamps actual food and I was just another reason to go to to build a wall he going to hire man the important thing to know is that look like when we have this conversation for like you got to hand it to him or like it’s working it’s like it’s working because of us like we need to like really make sure that we don’t blow this story off after he loses the election and they’re crazy like race gangs running it out in the street going like I don’t know about this no more
like like like like like we need to understand like it’s us what did the orange guy with the hair he’s been spending points has been running for president for 38 years like he’s like taking one for my brother he’s always been saying someone pay attention to me and then stick infection you have a gaping wound on your arm of the country is where we all are worldwide like the economy is like we’re we’re invulnerable places and so it’s happening this sentiment is like like I don’t want these people with the towels and these things with the Browns and then they are they taking the jobs in the the taxes in the things and it’s like it’s starting is like those rumbles is like like it’s going to turn into who you could turn it to turn it to ugliness could turn into I believe it
but what was it what was that
I was thinking I guess this is going to sound like a bit but it’s like this is as far as the ratio between how much like a bet it sounds and how actually scary I think it is it’s like I’ve never said anything with this phrase the question
how how am I at what percentage of like Hitler being able to come into power like do you think might have been your average like like kind of on the bubble like constantly putting his foot in his mouth straight white like like Jim Belushi Dan Harmon, play clay clay clay clay Trump Sanders thinking about that starred David think it was like the thought went through my head of like it’s good to know I’m not as racist as somebody
you know like it’s good to say it’s good to know I’m not the biggest fucking doofus in the world in the 90s being feminist for instance was as easy as expecting more from women
it’s changed over the years
girl that was like a fucking like you were like you can do it and then you get like like so I wonder how many people are like the with the tram phenomenon I wonder is that it was something that could happen in like Germany like back in those days where people were like finally somebody that makes me sound like I like Jews
finally my daughter all stops rolling her eyes and everything I say at the dinner table shutter I was like wait is that the fucking tyranny is that what it is is that what is that that is that the wildfire that catches fire and burns up King’s Landing like is that the is that is that it’s the actual just like it’s the it’s the it’s the oxygen it’s the Styrofoam peanuts it’s the ship that coats the film in the Inglorious Bastards it’s the the actual accelerant isn’t like the king likes hard to be a fucking redneck stumps humping fucking like active racist or that guy is committed
the lake lake lake lake what about the fucking mob around that person that’s like that’s like I know that’s bad
Blake Blake Blake what is the phenomenon that might happen you know like like we have to be on guard against that cuz like I just feel that in my soul into these things eating away at the edges from like why am I trying so hard why why do I try why it will be like like like I really like that you know what it’s like to be theirs is important answers to those questions we don’t have to ask so when you put on your pants next time
please join me at these Heights of thought
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes related my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like ever you’re always in good hands
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just asking specific questions are recap the question how many people in three Nazi Germany do you think we’re a little bit like where it became Hitler supporters were anti-hitler in their conversation but then in some weird pyloric valve part of them where like they were like that guy’s a goofball he’ll take all the pressure off you do like there was a lot of parties vying for power and divine Republic was falling to pieces and there’s no supervision with so many parties vying for power that they had to call it the Republic
cuz they’re like buying is like he hasn’t been here in a minute

there was a bunch of assholes Meathead bully thugs that were running around with brown shirt on a kicking everybody’s ass and blaming the economy is The Congos fact that there’s a depression going on and they’re blaming it all on foreigners which is what do you see going on all over Europe I was over here and then at some point I think like when certain really radical party start saying like will kick your ass if you don’t agree with us that Jews of the problem all the shit and like like really extreme stuff like the economy to get back on track and will start following anybody that really has answers to getting the economy going as immigration like leaving the EU it’s a good crazy talk but I think people want simple answers when the economy is fucked and they’re working class people and they will listen to lunatic billionaire
on your side. There’s nothing to do you know who you are will will average people start becoming okay with radical ideas yes absolutely they do and then what’s happening all over the world right nun major democracies including cars and Oliver like like France and England like fascism right wing extremism racism is on the rise and the other is all over the banks are closing while then there’s a swastika Lake like five feet from there you know they can grease and stuff like the national socialism as yeah Chris was okay with like like kind of going along with the flow and also like
at some point fear comes into it. Did that speaking up for what you believe actually becomes a legal and that’s the scary thing is that right now we’re still like we can still talk shit about Trump and sit and talk shit about what like the direction things are going and it can still be comedy that might go away before too long like that’s a real danger that it’s actually illegal to figure out of the fridge in your friends is paid. I don’t know if that boy that was all that lady who is painting Trump with a little dick or whatever some guy runs up how much I mean it’s like like like like like so what’s the what’s the takeaway I think it’s in the coming years I don’t think that Trump is going to get elected but I don’t I don’t think that you should be very very likely Jesus Christ people hate Hillary so much for whatever their reasons are right or wrong people despise her and will vote against somebody for whatever they build
leave about her and they will also vote for this incredible quack they will vote for him but I think the easiest thing to say though because it is is disregard what you think the results of the election might be because in either case like what’s clear from this process like this fat orange manic bullet that shot for like spino squirted out of a volcano like like like represents like magma underneath and it and it’s and it’s not well this is where my my lack of a geology degree will probably break this metaphor it down but
but it doesn’t mean I’ll go look at that really scary volcano that we have to deal with so it seems to have gone dormant like that’s why I that’s why I keep that’s why I really want people to understand like like like like it’s it it starts with hero-worship it’s in politics it starts with this idea that we’re waiting for somebody to get a lead us or say the right things are the president’s office is like so important and valuable and it changes so much that’s why we need the right person at office if we could do that really Noble thought like end somewhere with a clique somehow you’re making a pact with the devil real like I’m not worth anything and I can’t do anything at all the stuff and then where this really dangerous time where we finally for the first time we’ve gotten this voice it was first generation to be raised in front of a keyboard with a blinking cursor in front of it they’ve mastered the hashtag in the linguistic acrobatics that represent like not getting to all fucking bent out of shape when a girl says she just wants to be friends like they’re there their they’re advancing the species
he’s like by Leaps and Bounds because they’re able to to to interface with machines and psychologically keep a lid on shit however like the scary thing about that is that now we’re all just like we’re like talking and we’re talking and were talking about about what’s right and what’s wrong and I hope we don’t get a tailspin until I see that racist TV show last night so racist did you hashtag it yeah I did it while this shit continues to happen to it like push may come to shove it a certain point and it may not be the people that are saying the most eloquent most Progressive sounding things are the people who at the bottom line of it all or just people who want power to leave the hands of a few and go into the hands of the many weeks you may have to fight fucking fascism with Anarchy I don’t know what else you fight at West I put water on a fire myself like the fact that anarchy to us means explosions and chaos is part of a 70-year indoctrination that started with like let’s make that work
terrorism that doesn’t it means no hierarchy of needs Nobody has a right to tell you what to do. We may have to because it means that like what I hear is the silence between each Milky Milky Way level anarchism the idea that we hate being told what to do that that that the absence of rule doesn’t mean chaotic Anarchy means you don’t you don’t you don’t think you have a right to tell other people to do you don’t really respect the right to tell you what to do you don’t really see that as if you might see that as a way to put out a fire or get health insurance or get shipped
but you know what keep people from getting hurt in a crowd situation like that but but it’s not an inherent need you don’t believe that people are need animals that left to their own devices are going to like start running around and doing fuckedupshit unless there’s an elite class that we’d get paid them self to do nothing but think about how we should be mitigated you just think that shit works the way it works and then whether you like Hillary or you hate Trump or like Trump or whatever the fuck you think of your Bernie supporting you’re all disappointed about that the idea that one human being is going to come along and make everything okay is crazy it’s it’s really out of lesson and really dumb idea that we need leadership from one person holding one office that used to be a shit fucking gig a little paid crap clerical gig in our constitutional government it’s really crazy the right now wouldn’t we be really happy if anybody came along that thoughtful sentence together and not irritate
that’s the danger of what’s going on right now with what’s with this it’s going to be Hillary and Trump and we’re going to do I just wish somebody could talk and I would like to hear them finish the goddamn fine we shouldn’t care about one person’s fucking idea that should be getting together Community should fucking operate together family should operate the eyes and like like like switch that goes like it actually is just like oh shit we got these apps we got this internet we got it going we can we can think and act locally and we can give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s like because like instead of just letting it the we just came on I think all we’re doing right now is voting for the next best Caesar like everybody is like
I do but they also watched Community you know like they can
damn it. That’s not true it means that you can stay like it when I when I’m interested in who’s going to be the best singer in this season of the best singer show I don’t necessarily have to let that thought process trickled down into how I pass the salt to my friend over dinner I don’t have to lay when they go I don’t know how good are you asking for passing the salt is like don’t look good on you I think it’s smart look as stupid one of you take them off and ask for the salt that’s what I’m talking about because I watch American Idol that you can watch American Idol you could go that’s for that you can elect a president and go that’s a person that if a Supreme Court Justice guys they have the power to like not like there are certain things that are important that were voting for these people for but it doesn’t have anything to do with like whether your street has potholes on it and all that shit I’m old and I’m busy so good luck
but I do think I mean yeah I mean looks like like what if we did interfere in an age when we were just voted for the least expensive person what if that was their job you know and they didn’t you know like what if you built like a from the ground up like you built like the sort of like there was a word for it there was a phrase for it and it was Anarchy because it didn’t have leadership cuz it didn’t need it cuz it did take advantage of Technology faster than these people at the top could end the end so that they found themselves in the most powerful position of the world but it was in charge of a fucking slab of marble that couldn’t be cracked couldn’t be lifted and couldn’t be moved that are like I’m on top of it kind of lonely up here and windy I get to jump off in four years or staying on for another four and the people that don’t fuk up get to stay up there and we’re down here going like we figured it out we are we we we don’t have to do it on a molecular level going like I think our biggest challenge right now is where we’ve been so stoked about how much of cleaning needs to be done around the apartment that you never get on with one of those Tantrums where you’re like you’re like
throwing away like Bibles and like new pens money like
Lego nearly cleaning your painting your office or whatever and you’re likely to go to the fucking like that is like
I think we’ve hit the peak of that with the whole woke kind of thing like we were calling out racism we’re calling out negative thought we’re we’re we’re exposing like like like we’re like what the fuck is this
another prison women no big surprise and everything have to go in the garbage right now cleaning out our space but like we we we are going to have to get to a point when it that space is going to be of any use we’re going to have to be like well not everything that goes in this room needs to be the Mona Lisa because this isn’t a museum this is an office or a living room or a parlor you know it like my friend has some Progressive thoughts about women he’s he hasn’t scratch that off on his bingo card yet he’s really really like super amazing about race he really hates women like I’m not going to like like like like like like just like record him over lunch and then post it on Facebook and expose him as it as it as they like I’m going to I’m going to like actually but like work with him and like like like like like with my water you know I’m going to
I’m going to go ahead and strangers that I find out a regressive I’m going to ignorant and deaf because they took a haven’t talked to his many people that look like me yet I’m going to I’m going to do something really difficult which is like I’m just going to like this be the billboard for people that this person is never talk to and I’m going to make every experience a positive one or like or I’m just I don’t know what the definition is but it’s like harder than it away way harder than finger-pointing and shaming and like and chanting and like to put pushing down another pillar and watching another thing that was resting on a collapse like I think that we’ve got a good six months left of that before it gets like I do when the guy running over to one of the two people running is just like this turd person like he’s just he’s not going to do anything with that rabble like he’s not going to let go thank you very much and now I’m going to take that or going to build a big Monument two women with it like he’s not going he’s going to go like what’s make mussels with this Rubble
is it going to be up to us like how we interior decorate the nation
we should do a word with him and he’ll like did you give us a to make things okay like we’re going to have to start like making colony is a of like-minded people here and actually let that become revolutionary the people that let get to help us at the Comic-Con harmontown show
play are you talking about the one July 22nd
Balboa theater the one who apparently our ticket sales are so shit that we have to shoot our own show apparently the show that’s got showrunners so worried that they’re calling Steve Levy and saying you guys got to sell tickets or we’re going to have to mix this whole thing not me that run the shows having stage Peoples Peoples Peoples Peoples ohyeah big-time you know what else happened how many seats at the Balboa theater so many
$1,000 we can do ourselves near me I mean we don’t even have to what we aren’t even doing not even a thousand how much at what’s what’s the ticket price at the Balboa theater
what’s the problem
to the tune of 2 to $4 also you have to be in San Diego which is what you should have to get $24 back just for entering San Diego
that well that is true it sucks is a terrible terrible sitting right by it. Didn’t get a fucking rapper tacos at leaving get to get out of San Diego to get Mexican food you’d be fucked to try to get a taco I know the Santee San Diego you tell me where to go get Tacos San Diego you’re just outside of town
you have to get out you have to go so it’s not a walk from Comic-Con you to get into a car to get fucking food there
I’m saying don’t go to Comic-Con don’t go to the Balboa theater on July 22nd
I don’t think you have the guts to prove me wrong
finding your city’s town at the, you’re if you if you’re walking into an establishment in the bouncer at the wallet chain on your at a terrible place
let’s figure out if this wire tattoos nope nope nope dollar show me what a $12 show is which is easy as raising this one 20% Then turn the quality and then doubling that for San Diego right now
respect for anybody that pays to see our show in San Diego I will be mad at everybody that comes there and had put $24 in the Balboa theater on July 22nd
and not just because Dan and I are going to do an all-nude review just start the show I was saying it’s not a reason to go see it and we’d also be really mad if you made a website using Squarespace
even though they used an intuitive design that works across all platforms to audible.com
I don’t care how reasonable the prices are still listen to your favorite novels online or even if you get a free book with sign up
and I don’t care if you wearing my undies the softest underwear glasses
which we also don’t want you to get and I know when you get them don’t use them to look at full screen. Comms content as much as a cup of coffee, Kobe Bryant copy of my yeah
but I think the reverse that has to work but I think you have to say to them like don’t don’t come or if you do this you to death
oh no no no no no it won’t you won’t be able to do not record it
Master Blaster runs Bartertown
no more pictures
are you threatening or are they if that’s right
I want I want I want everyone to take me to get to the best taco place in San Diego so I can not be mad at San Diego
Eduardo El Gordo El Dorado El Dorado I’ll tell you after the show me fat fat Gordo Gordo Alabama do something like that
who’s that who’s a huge me
who is a huge harmontown fan and I was going to say has like a degree in marketing but
but maybe in your own head you do like you yeah you know like you’re sitting here young lady raised her hand there like week would you like to come up and just know you don’t want to eat it yeah and I will keep will keep him in my it will put them on Deck
she’s trying to say what’s your name
Savannah Savannah have a safe travel Mike
I think they’re here
here you use the bike
alright okay I switch to Mike’s for those of you in the control booth
are made of pennies I throw away pennies when you’re cleaning your office or the rumors I just like I don’t know I don’t know because I would feel too guilty about okay well what is that guilt into a book I think God I couldn’t even if I hate the book we don’t treat it as the physical thing that it is we treated as the idea is it represents like when you work in books you’re like this fucking garbage in your whip and covers it it’s like a really weird harrowing experience I’d assume it’s a lot like working in the meat industry you know
we’re still not if you’re just banging tabs against the walls and shit yeah look it up I used like you’re like all my really committed and throwing away the barbell and also the garbage man to be like Jesus Christ
Savanna biome where the where they wear a tape supposedly started walking upright to see over the tall grass and then to free their hands for Tool use but not true the Savannah Theory by virtue of finding a new semi human that had the nutrients and its bones that could not have been the result of eating food on the Savannah so we’re living in a world where we don’t know where humans came from aquatic ate all right so
but I’m sure it’s a beautiful name. So what are you thinking like when you apply your mind to how we could get people to show up to the Balboa theater on Friday oh yeah you didn’t know I was going to twist it to that what did you think I was going to the prizes
the cash giveaways alcohol
what what’s a thing put it this way so say I’m like I’m like I’m like a businessman that like bought harmontown and I’m like I want to make harmontown if I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to give it to the people are going to do something like I won’t get specific but like you’ve been called in as like a harmontown expert like all the other harmontown listeners have been wiped out in some like a pretzel factory explosion or like dollar tours because they’re Frugal their practical they love sodium my demographic is the stuff at the polls don’t lie
you guys love pretzels so they’re all wiped out your kind of like the way you’re sort of like the person who’s in charge of like representing the demographic that that is like that listens to the show and says something like suit is like calling you in and going like what’s the deal with it why don’t I just get rid of it and what what’s the what it what parts of it do I preserve what’s the point and like what kind of things would you
the other harmontown fans were gone but I think they would probably if they were still there would like maybe some of James alcohol merchandised will bring some I have some at my house we could bring it to give away to the fan.
you figured that out an Instagram contest if you want to get the young people Snapchat Snapchat contest whatever platform you going to use for Snapchat if you create like a filter for your show it’s $5 for just the evening for just the area that you’re doing it in the big old dick
but I see you’re in Larchmont bitch
no just just just large tomorrow
I actually don’t understand as it can you cuz I want to understand I have not make any money off of it and those are free if you get them approved and they meet the community guidelines but I’m not sure if you’re a great I know a guy Snapchat harmontown Snapchat thing that puts a dick on your head or whatever for 20,000 square feet you can do $5 for the day you can you can do it
Instagram cuz not a trend of them have a limit you don’t just have to do square footage can do that like vertical lines and then they could throw that on there so you would have them send it to you like create like a harmontown Snapchat account and then everyone take photos and then send it on their story but also send it to the Snapchat account for harmontown and you pick the favorite one you could broadcast them on the screen I think maybe we could use one of those hashtags
all right so how can I prevent this into a way to cuz I do the only thing I need help with his getting people into the Balboa theater on the 22nd I’m saying don’t come. So put on the Snapchat filter anyone in the area will know
if they were in that
and if you have to take a photo with the filter are they have to like themselves there if it take a picture of me with someone you know something that shows that they were at the event but there’s some people who has the age-old thing of like anyone who comes to this thing is eligible maybe for a thing that’s like at the top of that is like a big deal like that I’m going to decide they like do that where you have to go and you take a photo with their Snapchat filter and then they give you free swag with the Habit on it which is not like maybe some people are really into the Habit so you want to have it hatch but for the people on harmontown swag they could take a photo and then if there’s evidence they do that then you can get something for you when I check in with their ticket have you as a friend
but I want this to be contingent that all thousand seats build
we can give them free habit prizes whatever whatever the contest is the prizes that you and a friend cuz technically an Abduction the they come home with with me and my friends on the party bus that I booked to go back and then they come and they live in my house and and they just come to work with me but it’s like the fine print is like you’re getting up at like 7 a.m. sometimes I’m like like my dogs are going to like like like like like like Harvey or roll over and do a submissive peeing on you
like I don’t make breakfast like I will be drinking Soylent like food in the house really and then like I’m like like like if I could put you in a backpack I would like but likely you just like or handcuff you to me and like you just I was just right Rick and Morty and you’d be there and you were some people
even the team in the chance at it might make a thousand people show up but maybe that’s the contingency is like a thousand people didn’t show up so the top prize as a t-shirt
all right we’ll figure something like that when I go home at night like look at like I don’t have a shoe box of polarized anything so that’s like a resource I have where I can just like just like half a person this is an invitation to stalk me but I’m just saying I my life is compatible with like just a person like walking around that’s what Spencer and Steve Levy are they leave their family so Dad at like Rick and Morty like they’re going to be sorry Jeff to the thing is great
all right and Morty did an AIDS thing
yeah where you could like eating the more you donate your eligible for a thing or you do a voice in Rick and Morty and then I think you hang out but yeah like maybe it’ll be like
right yeah yeah yeah you can’t you can’t about hanging out and party space what are we what do we have like a little like our own little will be hanging out at The Geek and Sundry Lounge
but yeah just go there will be fine
what are they going to do
alright Savannah you want to see those other guy has to say maybe you know who you are
no that was Luke
that was another that was another guy that was bald with a beer there are many of us here tonight oh yeah I’m among my people
and it’s just it’s just you know it’s to beat the heat you’re not you’re not a Neo-Nazi
that’s better sorry I didn’t hear that
oh starts with David on your shirts in Chicago start doing Zack and we’re welcoming him in that terrorizing I don’t want to now that I know that all right well I’ll fill you in more carefully around him he’s he’s he’s he’s a he’s he’s in a good mood I think that you guys are comfortable if we want you to feel that way as long as I’m with you and Dan and Jeff uncomfortable talking in your life apparently say you said because it just cuz I’m curious because I said I made the dumb Nazi joke about your shaved head for those were listening has a shaved head and you said it’s not to beat the heat and you didn’t finish what is it
simply because I don’t want to have a receding hairline and I’ve got like a little bald spot back here actually like about the three days past the last time I shaved my head so you can start to see you in a little bit and I didn’t know that Barbara rizzardi just do it yourself now no I just I just put shaving cream on a smok 17 blade irelia you pick it like really every fucking considerable I’ve got something but it’s got like a like a like a rotating ball that has a bunch of the Phantasm
comes in and terrorizes going to Soul II ball kidnaps you
were there other strawberry there were three of them I only ever saw Phantasm 2 adults meaning like my brothers friends and like I didn’t know whether the word Phantasm I was confusing it with Fantasia
does Broomsticks
don’t play with magic when the Wizards gone I know I think that lesson is learned and I was like what the hell’s going on but I just want to fit in and if there was a crazy really cool horror movie Phantasm man had one of the head like the the outfit that Mickey was wearing with the hat would have been even better how is that their animated golems and shit out of brooms had a book I think he just touched the wait maybe he did all right that’s cracked
I thought that was like high-level magic used to having it too hard to believe it’s always more than what you bargained for that book like an endless and bonus points for if you have thought about taking it in to the Balboa specificity how do I how do I move asses into seats for 4th July 22nd I’m in advertising and digital advertising so I designed think it’ll add some fingers digital fingers digits 11
digital advertising of essentially
they are there all here at all 10 of them
is a shave your head but you leaves a beard
okay this is how I produce a jawline and I don’t have to do when there’s no defining line underneath but that’s good I mean if you have a good strong jawline if you like Jay Cutler from the right you couldn’t even do that and then get away with it when it’s bad it looks kind of like I mean like like you’re just a fat lion
like it’s really it’s not a beard on your chin it’s like this hairy ring around your neck that’s like the failure of the neck beard I think you doing the beard is that all razor are you doing electric around the Blazer precise plaything for the has a picture that I’ve had a beard since I was about three years old so I’ve been able to track the grooming of Johnny Depp used car sales people here I think is for people that are kind of ashamed of their face
like I am
you’re a very handsome guys and I’ve got I’ve got a great beer you say if you said you have great hair and I saw you without that beer that we were going to get a little mad last week he had a beard like what a handsome guy like you can tell them that it’s weird it’s like it’s like it’s like they’re in Disguise it’s the whole like Lumberjack Lumber sexual thing that goes on the way I kind of have dived I invited them to into mannequins I’m kind of a lumbersexual
you guys are so right now
larrykingnow TV Guide magazine webisodes of what used to be TV and and I got I got I thought I was a great haircut and then Cody was laughing cuz she said that in the back he made me look like a Lego
I saw that it’s a little too it’s a little too precise
seems like taking pictures of me from behind if you want to do a split screen with like a Lego guy
I got yeah I guess I looked at it and I was like yeah I guess I was pretty straight but he did that but I mean I would I would have never alright
digital advertising what do you think what do we do to get some about to the Balboa’s my initial instincts are still think visually when advertising and you’ve got three strapping young men up here that are part of the podcast that I think we just do a shot with you guys in the same outfits that they’re wearing and now you see me I don’t think it’s going to I mean it’s you listen to it so podcast bus stop at all I can think of is bribery like lately show up this morning saying sorry
sometimes you get you know sometimes the traveling shows of the drunkest a ball like maybe what if what if he’s like okay I promise you like what are some features of a show I got to be drunk but I will say I won’t be blackout drunk when I take the stage and I have and approve that I’ll prepare your bits like a savannah if I were to do bits like a top 10 list like like like what kind of like what could come out of the harmontown psyche that you think would be like a good like kind of sure that you feel like you don’t like like Harmons Harmons thoughts or or or I’m putting you on the spot last year like kind of going over some of the things you thought, that maybe you could you know that talk about 4
an extended. Of time so maybe your top 10 worst moments at Comic-Con are the moments that made you cringe or moments that really make
but then again that’s not me they’re going to be like maybe I’ll look that up enough that people want me to tell ya that you just you just we just say that we have an awesome guy Star Wars 8 is going to make an appearance

Curtis Armstrong will text it will text Curtis Armstrong I heard it was like yeah he said some racist shit to me in the parking lot and I know I was like dude that’s cool but like people should know your yes you do
people with different colored skin from me less people
I don’t know if anyone could hear you saying this right now they’ll be so broken-hearted and he said that’s the point baby
Malachi and Christopher Walken send exact same do you have any Impressions I had a party like a slight walk in and I’ll pay him tell him he’s got us over a barrel
and then if you come all right if you come to the Balboa show which you shouldn’t guaranteed photographs and parking lot.
I never I never really do this accepted this show anyway but it’s not like when we go out of town I usually have been entering a phase where I’m kind of like yeah for sure no matter how many of you show up at the Balboa if you paid to get in then part of that prices you’re guaranteed will have to figure out where to go possibly maybe they’ll we need to do need the theater but I’ll I’ll do a whole line thing or a picture attached to me is like a basic thing like oh it’s $24 for driving to San Diego I’m definitely going to go to photograph for sure in good lighting
why are you why are you shaking your head Steve cuz there’s a thousand people and
it’ll take technically until Monday to do it
well I’ve done it done it before Justice League trailer and and do something right that you bring like a Rick and Morty clip again Secret
because it’s right before we drop all the harmonquest episode list show all the harmonquest I will be it’ll be after we drop on a quest begin with we just wrapped harmonquest
eleven days eleven days until you got to get see so
Balboa theater on July 22nd July 22nd I will be there on stage do you think they have like are playing like capability like how do you think we could get them to look like a projection thing
all right well we can look into that. Will do that I will alright
special Comic-Con episode of Rick and Morty
live now it should be more like alright alright the community movie like like or like the First Act of it watch start but you’ll just be the final drafts like the screen yeah yeah and I will yeah if you’re going to Savannah’s going to be there like doing like a Cirque du Soleil thing
she said she’ll do her Ariel rebennack’s it’s amazing you have to see it all right well thanks to our PR department Savannah
all right thank you thank you
thank you thank you
put a great generation Jeff you know they say these Millennials that their pieces of shit
I don’t see it but you you use fundamentally disagree with that yeah I do what do you think separates Our Generation I think we’re just honest about how racist they are they found new ways to tap dance around it there they’re the baryshnikov’s of actual racism
they’re their there they come to the table more Apple compatible for sure that’s always good I don’t think they’re worried about Y2K as much as My Generation Dead
what do you want to come up there
all right
is it a Dyson is Edson actually where’s the silent yeah well he’s often Tahoe for Fourth of July there have been very sad that it wasn’t here whose name I just learned isn’t his partner’s name Nick or really selling that I’m a co-worker here he’s a we sold the idea to FX called happy city which is going to be like it’s like a Thomas the Tank Engine kind of saying but it’s like it’s friends and they’re hanging out that’s a taxi and a helicopter in an ambulance and another Taxi
yeah they hang out there Millennial vehicle these are sold out already I know in the big city happy City and it’s hard it’s hard to be in the happy City especially when like one of the characters and I’m not going to spoil its Tyler the taxi you’re not that happy
oh shit but really it’s just it’s what we’ve been calling it friends or Seinfeld without arms but can’t pick things up
you wouldn’t believe how many how many fucking conversations we had like that is but it seems like people don’t understand like tonality in television is like this totally fractal Continuum Bayside like there is no like oh is it going to be like like funny like Chappelle Show is there going to be funny like like like Larry Sanders it’s like no it’s likely you get those questions that you don’t know that you don’t have the answers to until you ask them legs for instance and Rick and Morty the whole big decision we had to make when we were writing the pilot for Rick and Morty just in the three-hour conversation and the the the end of it all was just saying look I don’t know how to define the rules of the universe but we’re just going to say if a kid comes through a portal into his high school cafeteria it doesn’t change his social status within the high school it’s more like he came in on a skateboard like he became a
the portal but he fell down like the the the the the cute girl that has it that he has a crush on says did you just come through a portal like did you just do that but she doesn’t mean like is there a god like sheet and are you the Messiah and it does this change everything it’s not even like pulling up in a Ferrari in the eighties it’s like it’s it’s just like like we had to make the decision they should be easier cars and helicopters and fire trucks shit but and everything is alive but they have to have apartments and also have to have personalities if you if you come to the show with questions about internal logic you’re you’re you’re purposely leave your logic at the door
are other things than humans and vehicles alive like yeah the whole city is alive and yeah it’s kind of like flu Reserve brushing them off drop them off if you want some people yeah I do that’s my job and then like he pulls up or like put throw some people from the yell at you about that later cuz you’re not supposed to do that like an ambulance is supposed to take the people to the hospital you’re not supposed to just because your taxi take people out of an and in the hospital also being a car is hanging out like best friends do they do they go out to a restaurant and sit in a car restaurant yes but it’s not a car
I just pull up to the table. Like well I think that person might be gay but they’re not admitting it yet and then there’s these two people have been talking about it but this person says something at this person this car and this is the helicopters like like saying something but then you pan over to the other Taxi and they don’t have arms so there’s just a knife and fork floating in front of them but their eyes are going
universal language is it is it like a shot of a card is laying in bed like like I was wondering if he’s sick of a car is sick does he is in bed we haven’t I guess so I feel like we’re going to have to get back to you on that one of them going into houses and apartments and then going to their rooms and they have a little garage inside of their room that they going to became a little too cute I think he’s so no intersection plague are we going to do and how much of a twenty-five-year-old life is about cohabitation in about landlord conflict in about property value in like
aren’t they going to get taxed in like I do for a while I was like well maybe they don’t get texts let’s rise above it and like but it’s like there’s no fucking way like I said in front of them and then they should text each other and they live in apartment if a car is the car when they go to a rock concert and went there too or just car there be people like if you squint or freeze frame there’ll be people climbing all over the place that goes like there is a plane of the universe where this show is actually about the people who don’t understand why they’re doing all this
but we time we had a long time ago I went I was saying all you have to hold it up to both realities where every episode of you watch every frame like everything makes sense in some weird way that like
like they were controlled by brain chemicals sounds like why did that guy take a hatchet to his family well like like because he’s schizophrenic but also had a little bit of it was Tuesday but the truth is like I’m Forensic Files what is the difference between Destiny and we just feel like we’re making these choices so why wouldn’t these cars just feel like they’re having me stories where they’re like fuck you button and then they drive away but in the reality on the people’s side if you look at it you can see two tiny people that are like mad at each other as well and like but I think we let that go to go to a rock concert probably are doing but ultimately I think it’s kind of that maybe the team America thing of how did the cars play basketball
who made the basketball players are like I know it’s just a car is proportionate to the car so like so if a person got out of that car that be a giant basketball game they have no arm deal with it if anyone knows I’m in between scenes we’d like to just go back to the mayor’s office and have asked a lot of the questions that you were about to ask and then answer them with like I don’t know being married doesn’t mean I’m in control you know like I does it I don’t like like all I know is it when two friends are jealous of a third friend like that shitt goes down let the stories are held together by emotional
turn turn your back to the camera. It’s just as a Naturals if everyone was cars
why everything is so fucking weird and you have like Mater on Cars maybe we are all cars that have you put into that
then ask your question to watch that show and wonder I want to have a lot of questions about it and I want to find out that there’s not going to be answered or they’re going to be answered very slowly or I remember ABC’s cavemen that it was fucked up with which was way more racist the cavemen were really good dancers and have big dicks and like like head like lots of Rhythm that’s like that like everyday like it’s like they drop that for the unerring pilot Balboa theater July 22nd
even sadder than that I do a lot of people that audition for cavemen and didn’t get the job done with the glasses and I asked him 500k my questions he answered every single one was the first time I’d ever met him and I was like that guy’s cool man like he did not like his worth of look it’s worth watching the episode do they make I think like for aired
I don’t know I think the troll hair Rider 2006 sounds good my playlist hits please come over and watch it with me it’s really good all thousand people so John tell everybody that I’m fun to work with
I wasn’t done with mr. Ed that it’s amazing to work with me it’s so amazing for example
at his house you greeted by his dogs immediately did you get paid on just a little it’s a little full Harvey growls at me a lot but he doesn’t he doesn’t know what that means he’s playing with me I wasn’t selling as well enough the Apple TV thing like cuz I try to put up on the screen and then I the most embarrassing things pop up whenever Dan turns as Apple TV on started taking photos too damn shame of the Kelly Clarkson songs revealed yeah that was last played on the Apple TV that’s fun we have a good laugh about that for a while I like swearing and got a ticket technology fish tank that makes you stronger whatever the fuck it is
and it’s like his Nick pointed out the progress indicator is 5 seconds before the end of the side which means I
yeah there’s no I got hacked my account got hacked but you listen to the song You dance to it and your underwear and
then the doorbell rang and how are the fish doing at the picture of the fish drive has a hard time dealing with the the light that’s okay now yeah he’s important to the household
yeah I know I’m a dick to the aquarium guy steal the remote was up with this remote to open the cap hit in order for the remote for the light on the fish tank to work that means it’s not a remote
it’s a detachable button pad
because if you have to open the cabinet I’m not that I needed it to be remote I’d love a button under the cabinet that like just turns the light on for the so you can see the fish the fish have a light cycle let’s the fish live there natural life in a in a 2ft tank likely they would go crazy going like why is it morning yet goes around a cycle but like the only time people are going to come over to my place and see the fish is there and their night time so it’s a black tank so just want to they want to hit a button and go there’s the fish like being a prawn
so I went back and forth with this guy and I’m a huge dick I read one of my texts when I was going through the divorce I did this whole to the it was like I don’t worry about quoting Edward Albee and I said this was the most like like the remote not working for the light and then I I tagged it with a generic if you ever want to just like being a dick of it seems intellectualize I said I feel like I’m in an Edward Albee play
which one
who who’s turning the Tank on
and then he was like one at all and he called me and he’s like just going to open the door not a good way to end the show
that sounds like a lot of people are going to watch on FX when we have our happy City show
after they pick it up after we turn in the script and then we got some work to do I keep pushing the meetings were working within what’s the downside to working with Dan Harmon
his unavailability because you want more of me to make sense
a hard worker
you guys are all lucky to be getting his time right now before it sometimes I think that’s true it’s not a joke
it is delightful by the way I lick lick lick these guys like like they they they were YouTubers consummate good sports these guys like they’re still believe it would be terrifying for you guys but you guys are like fucking shit out you like we did what you said we don’t have you guys are doing shit that does not feel good for you to do because I asked you to do it and you’re getting punished for it but Skrill no absolute lack of getting to pitch Dan this idea that you liked enough to take out with us and we’ve been learning so much from you it’s been awesome and we went and watched Community from the beginning we watched all your stuff so you do learn twice
but yeah I know it’s great it’s been it’s been awesome I’m a good person
I got you I have a reputation for not but I don’t know why I’m not in a better mood because I usually work tomorrow when I come to the show I should be in a good mood tomorrow off for Mom at 1 honestly you were so excited like gracious to hear our idea what to think kind of surprised us cuz we weren’t
I urged him not to take that meeting I said these guys are YouTubers not worth it and never going to amount to anything I thought I would never wrote a script in their life forever and he shot down my skateboard TV show where everybody was skateboards
when we took the best parts of that is my skateboard had arms
it worked out before the running joke with these guys is like I keep pretending that I’m using them to get close to PewDiePie and you bring him up an awful lot and I was wondering like a week and a half give me price of big
speed of harmontown he can really Elevate his craft
he’s coming in Jeff doesn’t have a question. It’s just a phenomenon will move on to you I guess it might like to see it’s like he’s like the Beatles of YouTube
he’s a video game review
is that like the biggest fucking force on that entire place of YouTube
in night in 1998
I got yeah you makes noises as if he’s from foreign place
4in plates Europe
one of them
yeah he’s going to be at the Balboa theater
he’ll be doing on July 21st to take all those photos
apparently called the audience
and I started mad beef with that guy what he wants he wants to come on the show that he wants to tear me apart I don’t think so I think what he’ll do to me well I’m not in a racist when they have to have him on the show cuz he wants to come on the show would be amazing but I think he really just wants to take me to TASC in like I don’t get it it’s just rapping and I know someone was like that’s not very nice I love at lin-manuel Miranda
and then he follows me because he’s apparently a huge fan of harmontown and he sees me tweet and he gets real mad I don’t know I don’t know what happened maybe not real mad I know he gets so mad he gets teams we should have him do a rap battle with Dan oh no I know
I’m so sorry or is he too chicken
did come to the Balboa theater that’s a list guests for the Balboa obviously obviously
cuz I can get you Cheri Oteri
well what are we learned tonight
what do we learn tonight man a lot about the Forensic Files
do we learn everything we need to know about pubic hairs they they travel or migrate
okay murder they set out to do it if you want to get away with murder the best way to do is have a boat and I have your own boat I mean you can’t you can’t have a boat that you just teleport to so the docks just have cameras all over them so if you get on the boat with somebody you don’t like when you come back alone have a boat owners of the security cameras it like system also have a carpet business or you’re constantly rolling up carpets and putting them on your phone but you got to do that for like 4 3 3 4 years of rolling up carpet and put him on your boat in underwater night that I was talking about selfie sticks I was asking questions about him and how they work and then it came around to it will skip a couple steps is it came around to start looking it up and I saw that museums were
selfie sticks in Europe and I was like do you really want to be in the camera fight you know but I wouldn’t allow selfie sticks in my museum but I know I was like I know one reason why why you shouldn’t is because you could use them in like an elaborate like a crown what do you call it a fair like like yourself
I was testing it obviously it’s a high stool you can disguise a selfie stick you know you could use a selfie stick to do a lot of Hudson Hawk like like like like painting grabbing a question and then grab the sink where he said like I’ve I had a museum I would invite people I would say I would not allow selfie sticks but I would just make it clear that it wasn’t about that I would say go ahead Rob my museum answer then it started me thinking so here’s my pic show me what you got to try to get away with robbing my music this is how you make like a prophet Ali museum so you know every museum has like a gift shop with like keychains in like Chinese finger traps and like fans and like what you got a Chinese finger trap
on my way out
so you take that shit you put it on display in your Museum you fill the gift shop with incredibly expensive Heist items
oh welcome to my teddy bear keychain museum by the way we encourage you to rub it while you’re here can we interest you in a $5,000 can of laser spray
the spray you use to reveal where the lasers are
would you would you would you like would you like some night vision goggles for $48,000 England are and why are you sold them for $50,000 a foot snatch in your teddy bear that cost $3 to replace
I’m a genius wouldn’t they take your expensive house items and go to a museum that have expensive art they have to buy them
what does place is in return a profit alright
and by the way this isn’t but this isn’t for real burglars I mean they buy their shit wholesale from different people and they they rub rail Museum this is a way for America or wolf or the tourist to feel the joy of our burglar and and I like our Museum boasts like you steal what you want you know and then they go like they buy like the spandex outfits and they’re broke and then they robbed you for like a keychain it’s the it’s the carnival principal
it seems like a bad this is my life alright I’ll keep going keep making Thomas the Tank Engine spoofs
I don’t know what’s going on here it is faster
all right well make friends with Pewdiepie Maybe
we got we got in the show all right song about PewDiePie
Jay Jay turns in two weeks
anybody in the bucket but your body down the Chute is the bridge okay
these are the song lyrics to my song to 2. Stop giving up that Duke Duke lyrics Diego like this chip chip shop which one y’all get a vehicle but it is a song to be good but you might as well go eat a brick or a piece of wood and everybody needs music to be good but if you’re listening who’s making music good take those getting much out grab a microphone because the people Makin music run talented and alone
when you tested women get tested
your son just became unavailable
bring me to check themselves
if you don’t like this song
acquired immune deficiency syndrome in the room my name is acquiring Jones I don’t want to be here all of those infected white blood cells until they can’t help themselves they’re going to attack.
Define cash money
you’re allowed to leave now
I’m only saying that because my iPad is plugged in


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