Episode
Episode: 275 – We Could Disappear Up Each Other’s Asses
Description
Guest Comptroller Brandon Johnson and Spencer question Dan’s retirement requirements. Singer-songwriter John Mayer comes on to really get inside Dan’s wonderland of a mind. Dan and John debate the pros and cons of Googling yourself. The show wraps up b…
Transcript
welcome to this installment of harmontown I know you’re so upset that you’re not listen to Jeff Davis right now shouldn’t be here I will be guest counseling big shoes to fill my name is Brandi Johnson we are so glad to see you again let’s get started blazing Gentlemen please welcome to the stage mr. Spencer Crittenden
the docket master
king of all Kings restaurant Martin Luther King Day celebration you still drunk
what can I say
yeah rap rap rap it to the beat is an easy George didn’t tuck Weezy without some effort he had to put it in and he had to get up in the morning and go to the gym and say I want to wrap today I got to put my effort in and make it my way I’m I’m going to wrap at the top of the show it’s just a thing I do so you know I got to get the energy up got to keep me on my toes so the show is good suck yo yo yo yo yo rapper yo rap yep that part to the a to the P that sells wrap at least to me it’s a word that means to rap
rap rap rapping rapping everybody’s wrapping yo-yo rapping rattikin going to spell it another time again Rappin going to fuck your mama like my name was
thank you we like to I like to wrap at the top of the show it’s not because they think I’m good at rapping is not because I think it’s a good way to start the show it’s because I want to be flat-footed as they say in D&D dexterity off-guard if I come up here knowing what I’m going to do then it’s it’s death for everybody welcome to the show thank you for paying $5 if you were watching it right now thank you for nothing if you’re listening to it for free thank you for your judgment to take if you’re judging me I make a convenient Target you’re welcome I’m not complaining about that 45 all I want to do is get out I just wanna get out
I watched the post it’s bad it’s a bad movie Steven Spielberg is no longer a good director
I don’t know when he was good last four I know he was good for a good long time and that he deserves all the credit in the world for being a wonderful wonderful director who did such things as for instance adapting a book about sharks the into anything with empathy it was me he would add a couple shots in it so it’s there’s a shark in the water but this guy loves his kid terrific Empire on this I watch the post you do you suck
it’s a bad movie
terrible performances performances bad directors Paul good actors got to be the director said I don’t like awful Tom Hanks is acting like he’s doing dinner theater he’s doing a character I don’t know what’s happening that movie looks like an impression I look like a crazy person showed up on your doorstep having seen five minutes of all the presidents men and he’s just like outside your house like kicking at the door it’s it’s it’s a horrible horrible movie and if you like it you’re stupid and if you nominated for an award you’re dumb and you don’t deserve that vote you got your you get your vote wrong you cheated someone out of it it’s a dumb movie is terrible I couldn’t finish watching it’s awful what’s next Florida project ripped off totally snubbed with your using kids kids are fucking monsters their animals are directing cat you get a performance on a kid you’re automatically nominated for best
director. It’s not it’s not nominated I don’t understand but I don’t think you anymore you’re an academy you have one job
what what else was nominated you finally figured out get out I enjoyed very much I saw it I’m not racist I saw it
I liked it
call me by your name all right she’s the same kid for storytelling I get it like I act like I apparently movies or just hanging out that’s fine I kind of like call me by your name just because it’s like you can tell the director is good 3 hours to show me that I don’t I don’t know right just look fine, I just want to share and Spielberg his head it go you should know better you like like like fuck you what what what is your camera fucking like like what but why did you lay down track for a shot in a restaurant why would you use Credence in a fucking Vietnam seen are you dead
stop it but everybody goes to work everyday yeah well then don’t go to work at all all I want is to get out and there are people that have so much money that could have been out decades ago and they just hang out and making shit I don’t like you’re mocking me I want to die I just want to draw the blanket of retirement over my body I need one thing a hundred and fifty million dollars I’ve calculated it okay if I put that in the bank don’t mock me for my goals I’ve done the mat how did you do the math was this what the sklar brothers a hundred and fifty million dollars I’ve crunched the numbers that means that even if I spend two million dollars a year I can live another seventy-five million dollar 75 years
that’s my math
yeah that man so you bought a cry for you thank you I know you’re being sarcastic but thank you sorry I was Brandon saying I wasn’t being sarcastic if you were I thought I was going to cry or chamber
275 more years is ambitious I don’t want to I want the Rings podcast to start shoot or calling you out shooting over at me it just look I saw Steven I saw I saw the shot where Street come to the restaurant she’s meeting Tom Hanks for the first time
what was the camera go all the way to the right and then all the way to laugh and other out of your out of your mind you’ve lost your mind if it is a scene about two people having breakfast you should have worked with Tom Hanks is is he’s gone off the rails at which is ironic because your camera is on fucking railroad tracks that Hill is none of its three days to just pulled into the floor of the restaurant you probably put out of business or at Four Walls set that you created at it in Uganda because the the sound sounds more restaurant either like like pay attention to your actors the guys get cotton balls in his lips or something he’s doing like a weird impression of Tommy Lasorda I don’t I don’t know what he’s doing I don’t know what Meryl Streep I was walking around I got the Bible are not going to take it like this I don’t understand it it’s a weird weird weird movie and if anyone had any objectivity that go what is happening why is this movie happening I don’t know why I’m supposed to be watching this this is
good movie but we don’t have any objectivity we’re just like o this was designed to win an Oscar so we’re going out later for an Oscar it doesn’t deserve an Oscar your fucking insane it’s a terrible movie I shut it off after half an hour I can’t stand it couldn’t I couldn’t hear it over me jerking off I had to masturbate during your movie to make me interested in it it just got real Argo up in here
you are. Do you think it is Spielberg’s attempt to make a Scorsese type of film I think they’re on the goals of that movie because they would be like the people would walk into a New York newspaper office or so they can there be a fire hydrant that would have leaked woodspring and then someone is it going to be today in the end of every one is a little weird will there be like a little girl I don’t care though it’s at this not my job I don’t care anymore I just want out if you’re hearing the sound of my voice and you like oh damn I don’t like you try not to Club
I don’t I don’t want I don’t want to be here anymore I don’t want to be talking to you I don’t want you listening to me I don’t want to have an opinion I don’t want me to pick it up matter I just want money I just want enough money to get a fuck like break if I had been born with the amount of money that that that that normal people have when they’re born I would think I would never have been doing this I would be under a rock somewhere minding my own business I made myself out of dirt without permission what else are we talkin about it real quick real quick I don’t have no show I’m trying to leave home public controversy where the fuck would you go where would I go where are you trying to escape too right now cuz I got you got some in the bed except Blues which a real it’s totally real to be like super well fed and happy and have lost the thing that made you run through the jungle
so now you can’t depressed on some new shit you know what I mean it’s like if you would had stay like your appendix out and you worried about that for two months and then they took it out and you weren’t in pain anymore you might have a rash that bothered you like your appendix used to cuz we used to live in some sort of crazy fear right where would you go to to escape you bed yeah why don’t you think like there’s no other country like a nickname for now know I like I like the United States I like that when you take a shit it’s in a bucket of water that makes a ship disappear I like to hear that big in Japan do you dare highroad me about some dopeshit we have
you know when people talk about you I love it and Norway or Amsterdam whenever I assume I think those people are lying right it’s got to be better here than anywhere what do you think two or three until like kicking it at like 2 or 3 you want Brazil you want France if you until like Stacy when you walk home as drunk as you want you want like Norway Amsterdam like we know you can do a different kind of party all over the planet all right well if you make it sound like not getting stabbed when you’re walking home is like a menu item will think about it like this if you get drunk in New York or Chicago or are you going to the club like you just made a mistake you could get stabbed but if you’re in a foreign country like the places where they’re kind of decent right but the place you’re just worried as shity right or it’s one of three places that is open and I don’t know that’s what I’m saying is understanding off the trade-off is you can get you can get a little Clarity in those places
but, are you comfortable making the assumption that for everybody’s like mocking us that America is probably the best to make an easy target and we got like did you know in Sweden that you can leave your bike on the sidewalk and just jerk off on it and like roll into the storm drain in the storm drain will take you to the nearest hospital for free like you hear you hear these things and I’m not saying they’re not true but I’m just assuming that that probably means that like there’s got to be some trade-off like me or our cable sucks I don’t know but that’s true but the visit is the thing the thing is to like sort of go someplace look at things differently get that perspective want me to fall into the Trap where I used the only money I do have traveling around going like a while
take the Yukon I like the the the the weed patch I like the I like the turkey farm I got to tell you that that’s the route when you had no money you would if you had like a thousand bucks you spent a hundred bucks on a trip you would and then you like fucking when I get back I’ll figure out how to manage these two hundred bucks and another eight hundred bucks but now you got cash you got nervous and shit you stop taking risks I feel you like seriously like maybe take the trips life dream life. His bed
California King
Cody me comforter the dogs that’s fine we’ll deal with them
Forensic Files Netflix everything everything available to watch I’m going to complain about Spielberg you heard me
keeping your shit I’ll keep fucking shooting it back in your face what have you done
you parked it on me a barf it right back at you I enjoy it you enjoyed it you didn’t suffer during that movie I could tell I want to use this if you if you if you if you if you if you if you were hurting what you made that movie I’ll give you a million dollars you were definitely happy you were in a hammock in bed with Kodi
laptop tray for just want to learn Maya I’m learning Maya right now or you modeling and just watching things in it and then I want to wake up the next morning and I don’t want to have to go to work I want to stay in bed with Cody and then I want to stay in bed and then go to sleep again and then wake up the next day and just keep doing that I don’t you can that’s what I’m saying I think you can God knows I’ve tried we’re trying but I I don’t
but you can’t lie call you you live in a house in the house is a mortgage and then and then the water and the water is got is got water comes from a place and they do it like we need her money for the water and the dirt people they’re like oh you have dirt you going to pay your dirt rent I said that they’d the dogs have chips in their brains of theirs make iron outside your fence to keep people from getting into spread their poor germs on you but the iron if you don’t replace it it gets Rusty there’s cameras and a camera got to be upgraded in the stereo system is Never Enough you can’t just listen to Phil Collins you can’t just press play and listen to fucking Phil Collins everything cost $200,000 to $300,000 for it. I know the guy that tells you all this cost 50 Grand a month and your publicist job is to keep you less famous than you are cuz I just keep me how does the new
3 Grand a month I got people paying people to pay people to pay people to count money I don’t care if I have I just want to die. Really literally die I want to go to sleep know what I want I want to hang out you got those new money Blues it’s not it’s a real thing I’m only saying
during the time between forty-five and fifty I’m going to spend the next five years working as hard as I can I’m going to try to bring the kids quality entertainment during that 5 years mr. Spielberg could you please stop making films or actively start making them this difference you’ve split is offensive I can tell you weren’t on set shows I can tell baby I’m psychic I’ve got hacked. I know when you weren’t on set it for it to be shipped in a pneumatic tube from your fucking asshole to the academy fucking is bullshit because if you shot that an iPhone and you were never like I made a movie about The Washington Post and it looks so he be like damn I got a lawn and I got water and there’s a rusty fence and I got a house that got to pay for it I got up some shit to ya
well I’m not. It’s just that he’s got a small army as get you’re going to pay for the laser. You can see all over my head right now those are those are cheap I like it out those good good good what do you like about it alright let’s not say what you like about it was great I love that it was the guy that got out that sounds real
I live on the guy got out spoilers but did the guy truly get out well do you know I didn’t see the movie what happens
spoiler alert it’s America
I like that
play I Tonya I like I Tonya did I time to get nominated for anything I don’t think so see
it’s no concern for Harmons I like I’ll bother to watch these young people’s movies are going to be hard to direct a bunch of fucking kids running around with Willem Dafoe you add him to your being silly then any love for adding it all at what the Billboards
no okay no I watched it I like all the actors I don’t look I’m sorry I don’t know why I thought it was right
I thought it was trite I was Spencer got those Bulls but you loved it I couldn’t get enough those performances to Billboards does Billboards and I think there could have been five easy
I thought you know what are we go
I don’t like that fucking Netflix show that the end of the fucking world and I don’t know anything about that show and I hate it
I don’t know how like the look on that guy’s I I don’t like anything anything
Olive’s ice cream has mullet
Minecraft is the one that’s if they were something threatens to be good I don’t watch it I might watch it landed yet I will watch Black Mirror it would make you so happy you looking for so many reasons the right up your alley you don’t love that show me happy because I do know you’ll be mad you’ll be like damn why didn’t you like the show I got to get going Five Seasons or anyone of what am I going to do go do this shows good numbers going to go Dan likes that show it doesn’t matter what so you get the enjoyment of the show and then what happened I’m trying to tell you to help me stay in bed
yeah that’s what you got to do is
Forensic Files the big sick
I won’t watch it how I don’t want it I don’t understand the chance of anybody making me feel good
I want to I want to I want to drown and hatred will just focus on the part where she gets sick
yeah you can watch that over and over to the I bet she gets sick 30 minutes in the sick part I’m really here just for the sick part in front of me on this side I’m not I’m not actively exposing myself to things that I have reason to believe will be good so why am I complaining about things that I I just left the post would be good and and Steven can I call you Steven
I don’t think he’d like that I’m pretty sure the ugly industry all right and watch the big sick on PornHub
that’s what I heard
is true you guys think it’s Randy Johnson for subbing in for Jeff Davis yeah it’s a very very hard job but I’m so so psyched to be here thanks man I’m still unsure of whether or not I want it you know like a do we want the people in the house to be
laughing and clapping her yeah no no right now poppy was just wait my turn in Vietnam if he is I got a whip and I could whip up a nice Vietnam score for you know Creedence Creedence man
we could always do we go to shift gears and maybe and bring up our guest is here. I heard all right maybe I rub you the wrong way tonight Steven Spielberg
or is that a song title
I just want to get her and everybody’s good side and you know maybe I don’t have the the personality of a reputation for that so why don’t I bring up our guest is he really here is really cool. Let’s bring up John Mayer a special harmontown
Yo Gabba Gabba Gabba blues rock pop doll fucking Mama on a donut donut donut rolls I get my love I’m getting nervous cuz you’re the greatest lyricist
guy marries here let’s talk with John Mayer
oh yeah the guy I want to be the guy who hears the other rapper wrap and then like quickly Associates other words to shout out answer to it that’s the hardest part I try to do that every night so hard sometimes I’m like MC knobs and it’s like the best I can pull out it’s not easy and there’s so many rap songs that don’t have that you can go back in time and just add it to all the songs out of there and people do and re release something I do it I think that I think that we’ve put out a glass for you with a lemon wedge I got this in my hotel room all right what is that what you got there a kombucha oh nice do you like that I haven’t had a type of like so far but I’m still open to it I quit drinking and so I find that this takes the place of a curiously strange bubbly drink that sure if I like curiosity as to what the fuck
can I swear we prefer it sometimes and I’ll hear that it’s my kombucha bottle where the cap wasn’t totally on it it scares me
I got his permit right overtime started I started washing a bottle out in my sink that’s like a drinking bottle and I put like I have a thing on my sink that emits boiling water as I fill the thing with boiling water cuz I don’t like I’m getting an end-run around watching things and I fill the cup with a with boiling water and I seal it shut and then I shake it and it’s got boiling water in it and then when I unscrew it how come it goes
like what happened in that short. Of time steam I don’t understand it’s sizzling like it sounded like you were like making the sound like when you open a bottle of soda kind of Hesse yeah it’s like a just a little one that’s what is that what did you what were you keeping from me yeah it’s just got to be like pressurized somehow I would guess when you poured it in there that are was not warm has nothing to do with me shaking it is probably just hot water steaming already you seal it up it didn’t matter what I did and then steam steam pressure 7 time Grammy winner looked it up
you’re welcome good host good house to get interviewer how did we meet tell let’s tell the story we like everyone else is and I tend to dive deep when I like something you don’t want to be the friend of my life who likes something and then turns me on to it because I will swiftly just railroad you with my being into it 20 times more do you want within a short. Of time and I did that and I became a big fan and I reached out to somebody from your show or what I usually do is I just makes such a big whoop on social media you know I tend to sort manifest my desires by way of Twitter and just creating a stir and one of your producers reached out I think I did and I think it was Mike call Mike Mandell Mike Mendel
fix that and really sweet guy and you’re on your cruise is one of the artist’s name is Corey Corey Corey never met him yet he invited me to the taping of the season 3 DVD commentary and I came availed myself to actually sitting in the room talking on a DVD with you guys here’s the fun part is like I’m already aware that that I’m behind the eight-ball to comes to my name and certain people enjoy Rick and Morty because of the fact that does not contain any John Mayer elements in it a lot of them from being involved in it anyway and I like to close that Gap and there I was and I wasn’t on the first I wasn’t the first commentary that they did today but I was on what ended up what will end up being a very first episode on the commissary in the sequence of it which makes me look even nervy or than I already am but we got to talkin and I think I found a certain familiarity in both your
your intelligence and your unhappiness
I mean it really is true I had a great day today cuz I met John Mayer and I was like I’m not miserable but like I don’t get to complain about the things that I have to complain about to anybody but John may bring them through eating pepperoni pizza at talking about how hard Google autofill can be yeah I was saying that merciless well I don’t know that anybody searches does anybody Google just Google searched celebrity name and find out what’s going on if it’s unless you’re the celebrity like this Google has anybody here like I like the what’s going on with that guy and just oh yeah throw in Lady Gaga in the two years I think what makes a kind of friend I mean my family ton of people so I catch up I mean I was looking at like aerobics icons from the 80s before I got here
where they announce like Cynthia kereluk Denise Austin sure that’s how I discovered the Jacksons because Can you feel it was the song for the Jane Fonda and she would say one vertebra to time lift it up one.
And my mother was there is any way to get your doctor made it into the love of the Jackson I came of pubescents in it if its height of the aerobics movement and that was my girlfriend shifting uncomfortable that suggests it could serve the purpose Beyond aerobic yeah I wasn’t the most fit a 13 year old boy in the world and yet I watched a lot of syndicated programs sometimes I get upset when I watch porn that I can see everything I remember not seeing everything and fighting with my eyes what does that mean fully clothed and stuff like wanting to see beyond things is very erotic or wanting to it could be a creepy or thing
are you want to see what you see everyday and you want a sexual his that and corrective is just available I got it yeah I I found myself like typing in like there I found I found out there’s an abbreviation it’s it’s a huge honor of pouring its say it with us c a n f a n n m a close female and male know he’s into it I think it I think it’s exactly to your point it has this sense of extreme he’s the idea that it really it really is a manifestation of what you see a lot going on in the news right now apparently that’s how most people want to work in the office he’s just nothing
that kind of sexual ization of the idea that I’m going to turn what seems to be a very matter-of-fact moment into something sexual with rank is where the root of see you have to work it out really do every time boys eBay for a later most of the stuff in that folder that I hope no one finds it it really resembles things that don’t they don’t hardly recognizable is as pouring into the sleight-of-hand of it as well no fun I enjoy enjoy this subtle like the little Matthew I don’t see my freaking love it I freaking love it with your besties like a girls trip family gathering if I can smell food do you miss me need a parent so I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a date
is the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little t and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker at myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film Earth-like ever you’re always in good hands adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platform
alright well let’s pull back out to the to the bigger picture of Fame the difficulty with it I was there was a certain point where it’s like you got to come on the podcast I’m going to have this conversation because why I don’t know because I’m a narcissist and I don’t want to continue to have it privately cuz it might accidentally make a front I just want it like but but it was like we were both like as long as we don’t take a woe-is-me stance it would be really funny to talk about like how I think I think there’s a lot to work with in it as your therapist might say it’s a lot to work with your father I thought you actively are you in therapy how long have you been in therapy for years but my current relationship of man versus therapist has been since like 2009 and I don’t really think about it in the to the overall imaginations of Fame the way you would normally think about I don’t I don’t really have that
ad hoc relationship anymore with the world like I am subject thing I do is famous I think I’ve sort of particle eyes it in a good way like overtime with kind of going up and down so many times are changing my name means or musically changing my name I feel like I carry like six musical passports and like the perfect backdrop for this is that as we speak like the Grammy After parties are taking place in New York City and I’m not there and that’s something that’s that’s a thing that’s alright I put a record out this year I made a record and thought the one I was making it there’s there’s no way this can’t hit and that’s what you’re supposed to think when you make something don’t you think that when you’re making something every time it is it’s going to head not being a musician I just want to make sure
that we understand what we’re talking about cuz like me putting something out versus you putting something out can be a totally different thing but what if so not being at the grammy after-party in New York means very carefully not invited didn’t attend or I did not get nominated didn’t didn’t break through with my record and I find that actually like I used to find it really sad and I find it really empowering somehow or another I feel like it like drives me pretty hard the idea that at least that’s taken off the table or not to put words in your mouth but this is where I’m trying to find a parallel like stop me when I divers improve and I want to go to every party I’m greedy I want everything every possible way I can have it I want both obscurity and also great great mainstream success
pretty eyes but I want the adulation that mainstream success has and I find myself bouncing back and forth between those two needs always a little bit upset in the middle of those to take me to obscurity a little personally that you’re not nominated for this or this didn’t hit that or this charts as much as you know is an intellectual person that these these metric need nothing you know you’re supposed to know that your therapist knows it you’ve arrived at all these things you’re at you’re a grown man you get all that stuff but and then I guess visceral cuz you’re on Instagram and then and then something happens at triggers you got people don’t like me I’m not approved of Ida Thai lifetime not anymore like I don’t need I don’t need that, I don’t need that call this is a great opportunity for me to now not be like that one if you want insight into the world and how the world must work look at what I have and I metabolize success so fast and I know this about myself I can’t hold on to it
but I have a lot of it that I can point to if I needed to I’m sure it’s always at work whether I realize it or not I’m sure that defense mechanisms of great success are always humming along even if I can’t hear it and then I say to myself if I feel this way if I feel a little beat down today by this by this thing imagine how someone who is 22 feels who doesn’t have anything to their name that must make them like a straw house in the Wind of that stuff where they need likes in the than that yeah it doesn’t that that my heart breaks for that like I did it I did this I sat in in the in the interim between Craig Ferguson and James Corden doing Late Late Show I did a guest host thing for 3 days I did Wednesday Thursday and Friday and I literally cried on Thursday night it made me cry because the question and this might be sort of overlap into television was
I asked one simple question of the world isn’t a good with that good that was the question was I good the answer told over Twitter just kept prolonging it just kept pulling in the question I couldn’t find the answer and it drove me crazy now you got the East Coast are time and you got the West Coast air time so you actually two laps around every broadcast you do the East Coast Live tween you read it at every answer just gets further away from you as you keep reading and it drove me mad because I couldn’t answer the question then I realized retroactively this is what
the friends I’ve had the girls I’ve tried to love forever like this is what people in this industry have to deal with is this ever escaping answer to the simplest the questions which is did anybody like that yeah how many did I do good are you ever going to kick me out will you just set me up and if in a branch of the street where I can chill. I like I like I like like because you get early
early encouragement for doing special things
and before you realize that special things are special because they’re not normal
and you even actually enter a world where you realize that those special things they’re not that special you just you just be normal like like like they’re not that special they’re not so special that you can be an asshole they’re not so special that someone else isn’t better at it and where’s that they’re not so special that its definitive at all they’re just special enough that your mom says I love you when you do it and it might be showing a fucking seemed it might be your eyesight is better than 20/20 it might be jumping over a bush I might be catching a ball it is for me it was reading and writing I was reading and I was writing and I was reading and I was writing and like I it
it’s like you you you start you just like like you’re swallowing This Thread is going along at you’re going and it’s all too late when you go I don’t I don’t want approval anymore I want safety I want comforting and then you look around and go oh I don’t have as much safety and comfort as someone who whose mom patted on the head for being a mailman that a little bit for me because I have lost what I was trying to say I’m a little and started ripping and I totally get it all fell apart so bright you can even make you late so bright you can even articulate stuff you you’re not even thinking you don’t say My Mind Is a Wonderland I won’t let you say it have it I won’t have it or not an expert on it and you know
I won’t I won’t I won’t sing it to you okay I have I have I have fans let music fans you know what songs are repeatable people live inside them forever so I have that part of it and I feel stable there however
most of my childhood upbringing I’ve decided it’s redacted but part of the way that I got out of Fairfield Connecticut was by weaponizing my ability to focus on things and write songs and play guitar and get better getting better was what I did to defeat monsters that’s how I beat monsters literally defeated Monsters by getting better I got hit in the arm by the bully I wouldn’t hit back I would say to myself you’ll see the day you want to buy tickets to my show and I won’t let you write course to say nothing of the fact that’s impossible commercially but you know what I’m saying and then you got to eat someone says you can’t do it you say you go silent you know I learned how to go deadly silent I don’t act out I just go deadly sign and then go off in a room and do something and it works but now I’m 40 and I think I’ve driven this pattern into my life where every time I feel lonely every time I feel like I don’t have enough
to keep me company literally to keep me company I’ll just if I can build another house build another weapon and the weapon is the music and that’s great but over time and I think this is where we connect on this is like nobody tells you when to stop punching you don’t you have you literally have no concept of what the finish line is because no one no one really knows what it is a therapist will tell you my therapist told me I’m still catching up to it she said you’ve you’re covered in weapons you know then armor and you know you just you just going to have to let it go it’s not doing anything for anybody yeah it’s there for a fine reason but you got to let it go but but but
I get the sense from you that like I mean 7 Grammys your John Mayer whatever man get to John but I know where it first name last name correct me if I’m wrong cuz this is like it sounds like you’re at least willing to admit that you’re you’re scrolling through comments and you’re looking for you may not be looking for validation there but you’re like it’s like a ticker and I’m very curious just in your inner Clockwork like it when someone tries to say someone tries to take a shot at me they can say you’re fat and I’m like yeah that means that just means I’m twice as talented as I’d have to be if I was they say your untalented and I’m like
it doesn’t want to say to the kids like like that is that is where Batman’s chestplate is like but you don’t really like are you kidding me you heard my name because I like this is what I do like I I I cannot be killed there you could you could you could Dynamite that chest plate and there wouldn’t be a heart behind it and it to kill but then there’s this but it’s like there’s other shit that fux you up right and it’s weird because like someone could call you and talented and you could know it and it’s like I can go like I don’t I’m not worried about being untalented I’m John Mayer but what I’m hearing you say is that they’re there is it’s because I won’t stay still so because I don’t like a unanimous vote I don’t like you. I miss both took me forty years to realize I don’t like golf claps it don’t like agreed-upon one
hundred percent approval for some reason things go invisible it’s not very punk rock they just go invisible in my nightmare not say you are I’m saying that’s your nightmare security know I like obscurity there’s some depth to it my nightmare is being placed off to the side where everybody goes got it he’s indexed labeled barcode RF labeled we know who he is off you go that that to me I can’t ditch I feel like I disappear and so what I purposefully of Don I think I can look back on it with some clarity is diversify so that things can never get that way I don’t know why I do it that way so the only reason up I went play the show and came I came back your right nobody could say that I didn’t know how to play the guitar but it’s the fact that I’m trying to diversify into situations that are so foreign like how do people feel about me posting a talk show you know I’m going into such enemy territory that
Dave Chappelle my stuff with Dave Chappelle going off and doing a tour with Dave I I you know after enough times of getting thrown in jail you have to say to yourself there must be something about the clothes in here that I like there must be something in here that I like I’m am taking that look at myself at 40 like take a look at the patterns when things go well for you you tend it’s like your hand disappear as new store going where am I and you do these things as markers to feel as if you matter in the world because you’re trying to Houdini into new stuff is it an over-simplification to say okay our family God bless them they let’s not call them good people bad people it’s not blaming for anything they weren’t filling they they weren’t paying off the credit card bill maybe they gave birth to people with bigger needs that they could fill but in any case everybody that I talk to that in our line of work in general they seem to come back around to their early memories of the parents weren’t feeling the the the the bucket
and then company would come over and all of my friends were the kids that would run out their pajamas and they would they would make an ass of themselves and they just loved its is it a tension is it is an oversimplification to say that what you’re talking about is that attention is needed I’ll take you one deeper distinction
I need distinction of Distinction is defined by strangers or not because it seems like you could be in your garage knowing your distinct your you have trophies and end the ego and the self-confidence to know you could sit on a desert island and know that you’re better that you could win a guitar kind of attitude that I always tell people when they say to ask about like empirical Talent level I’m like if I If This Were tennis I don’t know the ranking but I would definitely be at the open I know it is far as I can understand it is that I’d be at the US Open I don’t know where I come in I don’t know if I buy place I don’t think so you know that so what’s that distinction that that’s what you’re talkin about being distinct is that I got it now I mean I when I was a kid that’s what I wanted and I mean a thing about music is this the same thing with animating not trying to like put in your class too much I know you’re not animated with a lot of Liberty’s comparing us so you can do whatever you want you can hear yourself for me it came a lot
resembled very much the sort of alter ego the superhero Thing training in your room you’ll see I have a great great great sense memory of tonight being like everyone at this party and I was told maybe there’d be room in the Jetta someone’s Brian has a Jetta and then Ryan said sorry I got no more seats in the Jetta and I’m like cool cool and I know right now that everybody’s at the party and I imagine if I weren’t sitting here talking to you I would be in my bathroom playing guitar pretending I was at the party because I like it there’s something about it I like I related in the 80s to Teen Wolf differentiation distinction he’s the only one except that no forgetting it a Teen Wolf for it to be honest to talk I didn’t say what I don’t quite get I want to go by want to go back over that the Jetta metaphor it that didn’t happen tonight you’re talkin about a liberal
I’m not a manifestation this evening you in the bathroom by yourself when you’re not at the party playing guitar that’s an important because
I don’t know like like I can’t get maybe a year 5 years younger than me so I don’t know like a lot of shit can change in a couple years but and I know that I was prolific I know that I would fucking right for no reason I remember that but like
I look at musician’s because it just looks your involves a piece of lumber and like lessons and things in like when you say that you would really do it by yourself I’m so curious about that because are you searching for something when you do it by yourself when you when you do plunk out little Melodies and like you do it I do it to make sure that it’s still there if you could fly okay why why in the comic books and this is a new thought is Superman occasionally not just levitating a little bit if you were Superman when you figure out a way to just like one just but just look at it like to see if Mike can you please not do that I’m trying to talk to you like maybe it’s the thing he does when he’s bored with the story just goes up a foot-and-a-half and for me I feel like if I’m able if I was told by myself and others that I’m able to perform this act on I am I have a system inside of me
that does it I need to do it every once in awhile to see the system at work so I can remember oh the reason that I’m in this whole Affair is because of that and that always sort of brings me back I mean we’re talking about the impetus for an idea for doing this with your hand take a note pick a place it’s total freedom play it. Self play it so you can play that you can sit down and play guitar from a lot of different angles so they can be like flog you know I don’t do that very often cuz I’m very blessed but sometimes sometimes I get in and I would if I were sitting in my hotel room tonight I might have made a little smirk in the mirror and pretended I was at whatever venue the Grammys are at tonight I don’t know but I think to stay in touch with that is what keeps you healthy and writing great music that you desperately want people to hear you know he’s doing Music Live also sort of keep those demons at bay oh yeah and they taught me how to make records
cuz I made it hard to argue with thousands of people if you feeling shity that day it sort of helps to be doing it live right so that’s why people stay on tour I don’t like you know they don’t like traveling I just I have internet so I’ll tell you about it a little bit about my life recently like I came off tour after a full year of touring and I decided no tour for a minute no plans for a minute to figure it out build a life you know and for didn’t freak me out but it was like okay there’s a real thing two real Benchmark and so I bought a house be a while before I move into it but I got that I’m living in a hotel and I realize that I have no life now you could say tiny violins but it’s a good life but I have no life outside of touring if I had a grid on a on a spiral-bound itinerary book we don’t even talk about life in time we talked about it in place we say things like that’s not until Dallas there’s no time to just Place well that’s not it’s okay if I go back in Denver and so
my life only lived inside of that framework and I took it away and I don’t have anything to do and it’s freaky it’s hard and I go good fight from their start from there that’s why I’m bumming around the city that’s why I ran into you today that’s why I went yeah I’m not doing anything I took an Uber here I wish we could help each other but maybe we could just come is there a difference between not that I was searching for symmetry but but like I think it’s important like cuz I’m searching myself I’m going like it makes me insecure to hear you talk about like being alone and working your craft at it it and it may I think musicians make me insecure for that reason because that is something they do and the Muse the part of them a musician’s career that I can relate to is the tour in part because that is a musician say
last Dorothy Parker said I don’t like writing I like having written and and and and a musician on tour is that are not going to say thank you ladies Jennifer coming to the stadium I’d like to write a song in front of their like they can they can have their own religion of a sock say Britain in the stuff they want to play for their own album, But ultimately it’s like they can date their just that’s what I can relate to I feel like that’s how I spend my life but there’s something fucked-up about that because and I worry about that like I go the fuck when’s the last time you actually tested yourself when’s the last time you sat in a bathroom will the Grammys party was happening I don’t I don’t go home and write a story I I play a video game is I watch Forensic Files I don’t want I don’t I don’t I look at writing is like this thing that I do like it’s like getting a fucking exits
Play the song writing disembodied guitar playing I just think it’s the greatest thing in the world and how long would you know what I don’t know like it’s this really difficult question to answer but
how long does your career really span Lake how old were you when you were there the first time someone said Jesus Christ what the fuck 14 so I feel like if I had spent that that that the you know like somewhere around there somebody said like you know you really good at writing essays you should do you should be on the high school paper or whatever like somewhere somewhere in in our lives somebody says hey you could get what you want by what you got and end it end it but I and II when I talk to musicians I get insecure cuz I feel like I’m not I don’t practice well I don’t know that I practice I think I just check up on it you know I mean you’re talking to your conversations going to just practice for the last 5 minutes straight. That’s why this you know maybe I think this is that I go in and do it to make sure that it’s still there because if it’s not
I have my entire argument for life is fail like the someone said to me one time and a great lady worked at work in publishing she said to me John can you imagine being famous and knowing you’re not talented and I just went but I’ll never forget to put the fear of God into me and then when things get a little pear-shaped are they get airport it’s not even any more like anybody famous knows that they’re not talented those what those people would be self-actualized like I think it makes you feel really good question where is the where is the awareness if I can’t figure it out then How Could An untalented person for you for that believe everyone is chanting at you Donald Donald Donald
but I think the entire nobody else nobody else that you like likes you that’s how you know musical you could give you told me Smash my fucking crate fuckyous knob I got you like okay John Mayer like like like like to know where whatever to keep in the musical round like and they’re like oh my God they’re amazing is that they got a hit on the Billboard charts and like we all go or like my music snob friends go there not shit they’re not talented that’s 3 power cords or whatever do you think those guys are like they know they’re untalented I don’t think they know they’re untalented I think they’re like Ho Lee fuk it we fucking hit it we’re talkin about varying degrees of knowing your own town I think these are all shades of the same thing by the way the way your mind works very interesting because it was kind of like a Wonderland
you say it before the end of the show it’ll be a quote I will is it is there a drinking game going on tonight. I think it’s just more of an achievement. Can I do it now and get it out of the way I didn’t push for it but if you want I could be a singer is just like not singing right now is just talking like the same thing here is the ability to sing at any moment and I’m not I’m just talkin 80 thought about this before I’ve been thinking this whole time it’s pretty weird how he’s not singing voice is not doing its thing it’s just it’s just talking I guess I hadn’t thought about that so I think about it all the time are you are you right now thinking it’s weird yeah
what is a person would think you were teeing up I kind of want to do it’ll be fun it’ll be like that’s right that was in that guy’s throat the whole time well what do we do do we have here I am talking I’m a person who’s talking and at any moment that I want I can go and his wife and then all the sudden I just start talking again you would people wouldn’t know that you’re talk about me so if I was in the lyrics to set the Dan Harmon to Red Hawk Dan Harmon’s mine is a y okay what happened
thank you and I’m talking and I think it’s kind of strange things to do at any moment I just choose not to visit a little Robert Clyde
what is the what are the things that hurt you like in in terms of this cloud of of people you know like I get the sense from you that I don’t know I like like like like what what are the adjectives that you you wish it is forget about whether or not you’ve come to terms with the fact that you can’t control other people but like what are the adjectives about you to get used it really sting
womanizer douchebag
you know like anything from the past I find that right now especially with the ability to consolidate tons of information really quickly the thing the blind spot is how we deal with past
and I think everyone should be allowed a past but as a blanket statement right I’m not defending anything over all but things as they exist in the past are the are the puppet is the sort of spam that’s a gun to my head in the hostage standoff between my happiness and feeling like I got to take out of the hole and I find that the internet is fantastic at compiling a dossier on you fast it was one comment all it is is someone who just won’t let something go or the last
big signifying piece of information I had about you is negative you know if I asked you if we don’t know unless we Google them to find out what their news is we don’t know the goings-on of everybody all day and that’s the mistake we make some time so people might not have had an updated take on me since 2010 and I find it so disorienting I find it such a distortion field of reality when I’m living my life in a way that I know is fair and kind and good and advanced and improved and finally together to have your past
I sort of brought to you again in in in what feels like really Stark current Clarity you have to really go that’s not true not so you know the saying to build their website something up from somewhere in the comments saying you do and you’ll go you’ll go and it’ll just in the middle of a great thing great picture and a great thing and having a great moment and it took me a really long time to get to the point where I can be like get over it not true get over it grow up it’s not true and it but that’s how you can get me is show me what feels like a threatening re-emergence of my past and it’ll it’ll stop me although lately I found a way to just practice looking at it and going long time ago Dude Looks like this might be your fault now that you’re still bringing this up this might actually not be on you you know I had a thing a couple days ago
not to embarrass my girlfriend but you know she was she was doing something and I haven’t done in five years which is Peru’s the harmontown subreddit and I had this me to surfing Expedition recently I’m giving my master classes and apologies as we speak but I live I survived whatever and my girlfriend was like in this subreddit where I know I haven’t gone since way before that because no matter what I’m not going to see anything that’s going to make me happy I got a million things that might make me happy but I’ll be numb to those things and then and then one person will be like I wonder if I could really see fucking black this guy’s I from the from this far and I that should be their domain but the weird thing is and and and and it’s like you think your resolve this shit and then
I had I have this little it was just a little episode with Cody got upset she she said she sent me a screen grab of a exchange was having with a troll in that group and I have to do with all the shit I got upset with her and that now we are seeing is broken we’re not on the same page and like and and then I’m expressing to write a friend of mine who I’m working with in that room explaining the story door I’m like like how this is happening and it’s bad and like and that writer Leslie is going on I understand where she’s coming from cuz I did this and that and I’m telling you this is all back straight to this moment that was actually genuinely like weird for me like a world where I keep thinking that I am done learning and I just want to die I I like this writer that I respect who is like talking to me she goes like she does well you know and we all Google
and I exploded I was like I was like no we don’t all the Google are so I literally cannot Google myself do you understand do any of you people understand what it’s like to be unable to Google yourself yes I do it’s guilty pleasure for you when you wish you were famous when you hope maybe when you think about how shity might be when you get to the point where you were choking on your own name when you don’t want to see your own face like I eat I do not Google myself and have not stopped putting me in that drill and I and I won’t down my OSHA it I got unresolved nobody accused you of masturbating is a kid and you really weren’t
hell yeah hell yeah it like
Sprint to on doing my own laundry and I come upstairs to my mom goes reading please play my magazines must get out of my pants I was drying my clothes are we what it is. Yep yep it was because she was confusing me with someone who loves them so I think a lot of celebrities a quick Googling it doesn’t offer any really good information it gives you a really bad cross-section of what’s happening it’s like you’re not really pulling out with really in the river it’s only the money making headlines I want to make sure we talked about before whatever this thing is over is over you made it sound a little bit like you’re not enjoying your know I am but what I do know I have a Google Myself and I
but when I told you today when I want to see something specific a certain guitar that I’m coming out with us and I’ll put the name of the guitar in first and then my name because I can’t even bear to watch the autofill happened yeah yeah so and if I do I just go because I can’t see what comes up like that it might be one of the words that I mentioned autofill or not I don’t know well that I will literally people think I’m joking though close my eyes if there’s some reason he was my stand because the past thing should fucking happened on line is that every year everything that it ever been posted to the internet that is not
sort of textual in a reference sense should blur every year should blur 10% so that when you see an old story when you see someone’s old point of view and go yeah but it’s pretty blurry I couldn’t make most of it out because that’s what happens in people’s minds and their hearts things blur overtime we’re not complaining they were not saying what was bait we’re not that look like we’re talking about an island that you don’t even know if you’re listening like whether or not you want to get there and I never I never signed up for a I guess I always just thought the more attention you get the better the more Myspace friends you have the better that every every metric is just like what do you want more not less I want to go back in time and go know I’m artisanal I want to squeeze it off and go
don’t know me I don’t want strangers to know my name well I do and I think it’s important to square up with that and I think it’s also important for anybody watching who’s a fan of either of ours I think the one thing we haven’t sort of laid out as to what extent that we wrestle with this everyday I don’t we haven’t really given people a context as to what fraction of Our Lives do we deal with this is a very small I want to say that I am magnifying a very small experience if it’s a 15% of the experience and most of it I almost want to say to the world like don’t worry I’ll handle it and it’s really handleable what I find is interesting and sort of universal is how much we hand off to this this this voracious sort of invisible boa constrictor that just keeps consuming our thoughts are that don’t have a purpose like waking up I know you do the same thing if you wake up and you read Twitter and something seems to you to be so cognitively wrong
not a bad opinion not a bad idea but cognitively empirically wrong and you stare at the blinds until it’s seared into your eyes to slats of Lights do you haven’t even gotten a coffee yet and you’re already trying to you’re going and you’re trying to get out the knot in the necklace that is this whole thing and the question is how much are you willing to trade of your life to do that which seemingly has no real actionable outcome verses I’m just going to live a life to scale so that I can at least enjoy some of this stuff on it that’s certainly what I started I came off Twitter I got to enjoy my life I can’t I feel like what Twitter is trying to do right now are basically like a full-court trick shots instead of just like let’s just work off of basketball fundamentals and everyday is a failure to throw the ball off what the McDonald’s commercial and it’s like well we’ll get him again tomorrow is really interested
why can’t you piece this out and the answer is because there’s too many said why can’t you leave single file in an arena if something if someone screams fire because they’re very off but you can get everybody out like that if you just went Row 1 your outro 203 and so everyday I watch the pylon I don’t know. And it’s four things I’m alive I’m alive with you know what I watch the the the course in which it takes and I and I watch it every day every day you wake up it’s a possibility that we might get it and within seconds you find out when you find out there’s a there’s people getting trampled the only thing that we know the difference between getting over 40 and realizing that self-care is important and becoming old Benz and get off my lawn I don’t understand why the kids spend all the time online I think the word that we’re trying to get at is fatigue there is fatigued with each cycle with each cycle
going to our bathrooms and play guitar and put stuff out because if you say get off Twitter kids or I’m not on Twitter do whatever the fuck you want and you put on a single every month or whatever it’s like if you’re shooting shit on people that are on Twitter are not exhibiting shit except for tweets that that’s my the answer to my question there’s fatiguing that you do 40 is not about some you know some celebration of the ordaining how long how many years you’ve been alive for its how long you been doing how your memory begins to the memory of being alive the access you have the there’s a certain fatigue or a Keynesian we all say to myself just about life in general we still doing this ever find yourself you go will you still have this and it’s not like us at all
okay but yeah it’s like you see you see all the day’s lineup and you’re like yeah I’m at 60000 of 140000 just checking in with you do you do you have to look at it in that numerical the way you could just feel it yeah you know you can kind of count cards without really counting on you just kind of feel it it’s like we still have to okay what am I about to do you make another record what is so we’re going to fight from scratch to have skip okay and we’re going to come home three out of four times with nothing with an empty-net we’re going to have to live off of something else that night yeah yeah we’re still at that skip why it’s got to be that way it has to be that way because otherwise we won’t sleep tonight we can’t it won’t work like I have to risk everything I have to have everyone hate me I have to do it I can prove something to myself you
and where I think it gets really tricky is in relationship and family getting a wife getting a girlfriend that takes a certain
determination that might not exist in my life like it should anymore because my determination is taking a natural dip testosterone determination and starts to just go down a little bit old Jazz horn players don’t play as long a line you know vocalist
everyone loves them and everyone goes down to the guy who used to burn and I used to burn I’m trying to still burn I think I’ve got two more burning things and that’s why I want to make sure I do on my on my way to you mother fuckers wish you know we don’t get to we don’t get to say that you know we wish we had like one or two Burns but the truth is that the universe will ever gave it the shit is going to tell us to get to stop by to find out midday failed burn how many birds you got I wish I could retire I don’t we don’t get to you know that you yeah yeah but like burning things we like you listen to like Twenty One Pilots that shit is burning that’s a 21 22 year old kid who’s got so many syllables when you’re young you have two syllables
I think too much and I had those thoughts I wish somebody could bottle the smell and then I had those. I went that close to the wallpaper and convince to their brains are in fire and we go yeah fuck you till I get your a child did you need you need to be but I did I went from Welcome to the Real what you said to me they don’t have to fight it out and do the verse I know you’re halfway through the first place that’s what happens when you get through those actions and you dial them in enough and getting a focus you go at the end of that Nitro burn I ended up with a wonderful wife 3 kids I got a house I got a career I got to think the stages through which my career the booster rocket worked in the way of burning stick with this burn that for until it dies out is that I have incredible career I have incredible mindset I got to where I needed to get to Anna
there’s nobody I forgot to pick someone up you know and then add to that the trauma that everybody feels through the way that they lived through the twenties for dating and 30 speed dating and I have that times a hundred because I chose in many ways without knowing it to do that in a very visible way that in a way my brain is fried from it you know that’s the part that scares me everything else is Joyride part that scares me is that like I might have missed the boat and in which case would still be cool cuz I would just be like Rich Uncle John if you could come to his Island and a drone comes out to get you first and you like you start running after the drowning to the Drone first like War Games war games do you have to run after it cuz you’re going to get off the boat
7 years and I’ll give her the Drone it’s $50
I’m doing an impression of people doing your present to do the white noise just all white nothing in my next album
we hear that you are Rick and Morty fan is that true huge Rick and Morty fan I’m such a big fan of Rick and Morty that as I watch it I Lament The minutes I’ve already watched it for what what’s the I mean that seem like a Segway we could talk about Rick and Morty but I actually enter I wanted to hear like I asked you you said douchebag and womanizer these are things that that Stig which I look at it as light with I’ve just marveling am I must be nice to have been called a womanizer your Kryptonite I like maybe it’s because when you talk I want to fuck your brains out I put but I always tell people if you think that I thought that I was good-looking growing up why do you think I would have played guitar 6 hours a day where is my there’s your answer I played guitar 6 hours a day if I had any inclination or belief in myself that I was good-looking Irish or I don’t have the will to have done that
to hear what are the things you wish to hear or when you hear them that it’s like fucking secretly like a God damn it I love hearing your my Clapton I like cuz I can use that that’s a good clean linear line item way to be like that’s what’s going on cuz you do want proof that you’re living your life in the format of your dreams as a kid I tried to be I got I got to it because I was trying to be Eric Clapton and an incredible mix of Blues guitar and mainstream music which not to get super technical but blues music isn’t really an idiom of music it’s a style of writing it’s a it’s a it’s a compositional form you know and there’s not a lot of money in blues not a lot of audience and blues and that’s part of me thinks it’s because Blues needs to be mixed with another compound to come to life and and you can say for everybody to kick in
around the kind of dick out of were they mixed with Stevie Ray Vaughan sort of did the same thing at the same thing Jimi Hendrix did the same thing you know and Clapton is is the guy who used really incredibly prestigious Blues playing with pop music and that’s incredibly hard to do to get through it to get this is what you know to get those two organisms to live together or not reject each other and just turn into a blob in a Petri dish like it’s really hard like nine out of 10 attempts to do it you just end up with nothing so I mean that’s that’s it that like that guy stands in his own Universe you know not many men do you think that’s a cool song
I only thing I think is funny about it is that it’s the only thing I’ve ever heard that starts midriff rain yet there’s a couple things like that should start with sometimes you use things that are you building building and you’re waiting for me but he was just like like I just think it’s funny that the needle drops on their record is like
to see the way that you use it eventually come around to proving that that was the refrain that’s not the first built the refrig that came from 80s producer mindset which was like go ahead with the hook just no time no time for the snowtime that’s the way it is you got to hit him with the mixtape in one small one don’t pick up the phone you know he’s only wanted to Highway cone to don’t poop in your shoes I got the rules to tell to you three times this is the whole record one song I don’t know I was just thinking of that song reminds me of a buzzfeed article
I always feel like a listicle song I would make it up and I’ll be like I went skydiving I went rocky mountain climbing I walked fifty thousand miles across the river I walked across the gator but there is one thing that I’ll never understand and in a completely different work bike was praised that just like lands like it like that on balance into the title how do we get there where all this was just a misdirection your back pocket that’s right I got your one hole in it
taking your wallet I wrote a can handle it I wouldn’t put it but you’re like a metaphor I’ve never heard before and I went that so cyclical because no one really has her that metaphor before and if you wanted to just John Mayer have a theoretical limit to how poetic somebody can be yes that would I will never make the cat but I did think the verse where you compare you would you say your nipples are like Epcot Center it was didn’t have to go to every part of the body as you can and compare it to a theme park your toes are like a quick past little little little shrimp and then I said you have a
langoustine pinky toe of a woman just tell her you love her a lot of time step good enough when you love a woman that was a direct response to your body is a Bryan Adams wrote when you really loved a woman is a way to tell me to shut the fuk up if anybody is going to call tonight while Ava is like the haunted hotel before they were using a tablet
so I’m going to eat at your navel restaurant you have to take a fast pass to your titties it was very Western to use a FastPass to your titties do Bodhi because people just have pipes right so is that genetic you yeah and it actually is as I got older and I realized I can’t take it personally if someone says I can’t sing or I got to go like this is the shape my voice is in I literally can’t change it whatever my pharynx is whatever the larynx is it’s a shape and it’s like a the shape of a wind instrument so I’m very good at singing low and I’m very bad at singing high is that worse than ever because I had some vocal issues with surgery yeah it back thank you I look at it like Kobe would look at it which is like yeah if you need to go into the knee going to go into the knee if I can’t play this season I want to championship
next year so go into the knee this year and so would you have continued would you just continue to play guitar and how much I love singing cuz I did do that and they’re linked I didn’t think they were linked that’s like once I got my voice back is okay with what I have which is still mostly be capable of you know as a person who cannot sing and who occasionally then sings like in karaoke like the rest of us and you have these moments where he like you’re listening to yourself and you go I sound a little bit like George Michael for that one moment like sing or do you is there a dread if you’re in front of a stadium and you’re singing do you use every note like an Evil Knievel jump or are you just like I got some art when I okay so when I feel like I have my wife slapped acid reflexes and check I sleep on a medicated pillow prescription pillow it’s a
sit on a slant sleep on my side I hide it when company comes over but most the time I used to and I’m lounges author Abigail ration pillow singer but when I know that the facility is there it’s really really fun but singers are a notoriously sensitive hyper-focused neurotic Bunch because the voice is never the same way 2 days in a row it’s my voice has never been the same way to two any two days and it’s just a natural thing your voice changes their things you could go for on the record that don’t sound the same live and that’s another thing I’ve come to live with over the years but when you’re young and it’s the Showcase in your now let me tell you this when you’re in La for your showcase you starting out playing the clip you will get sick you just we’ll just we’ll get sick you wake up that day
and you live with that and you go crazy for the day take Prednisone every singer has prednisone stashed away every singer’s don’t and it’s because there are horror stories up here or what but if you do you experience these moments where it look like what is the worst case scenario it’s from the Layman’s perspective all we understand is like oh it’s like the Rockstar game where there’s eight notes and you hit the note right and then you professionals are like oh no it’s all this other shit in like but we look at it like oh Madonna canceled her gig sorry I’m dating myself she canceled our gigs she’s got a sore throat okay well that’s the big butts put to me the nightmare wouldn’t be canceling a gig it would be it is there this tonight there is canceling the cake because you just stare at your hotel we’re doing your body is a high but I’ve learned that they really most the time
and you interpret right most of them 98% of the time it’s not so it’s not just this empirical thing because I can hear it even though I don’t even like music I’m like
I get it or do you got I know your voice is special I can hear it like are you sure you’re listening to different shit and you’re going to shit I lost 5% of the mayor sound different between having a good performance and giving a good performance you can give a good performance which means you like that you liked it you liked it but I didn’t have a good performance and having a good performance is in the user experience of how it feels to have the automat arm go for the note pullet have the muscles gold like that at the air push to the right way have a microphone turned up loud enough and the monitors in the right way and the thing bouncing around the sound waves bouncing around the room the right way and they come back to you in a way that says you are bad people feel too when they accidentally hit a note that’s why we sing in the shower you’re saying because the shower makes us feel like that think that every normal person do you think your parlance do you think that every one of them has one like pet favorite
from the song that thing that they picked up in the shower cuz it’s not
it’s a it’s a commercial from Milwaukee still got it on that way if I can hit any like myself with any Philip Bailey falling apart as I get older and older but so did his right right right right I love those Isle of Wight I can listen to Easy Lover all the time so that’s all you do do do do do do do do do do do a big drum actually that also starts out with all your right with the front
give me head but I thought actually it myself there’s a real the sign of an amazingly good song you want to hear it and I wonder what it must have been like the night the artist finished it and sat back and played it for the manager at imagine being my Joel come here and there. I like you. Shut up
you look like a if you up that’s a Victorious moment I love the producer know if it’s like this is a documentary where they just knew it right away. But it’s interesting to note that like you feel the same feeling that my uncle feels in the shower it like they’re the it’s just that it’s just that when you’re feeling it it’s more in line with a bunch of people hearing it but we all feel it when we like like that sensation of fuck I’m nailing it and it’s a good weird to me as a person doesn’t understand a thing about music or singing with what ya what is that but it does not have different podcast player anybody to pick some guitar can feel the same way I feel it’s so scalable it’s the same feeling that’s what that’s what makes it a magic thing like you take it home and you learn Fire and Rain I promise you and has the same
experiential Bliss that my riding gravity does I’m sure of it it’s just a patch of being like hey Dan can I check this out here
going to be at the first time anybody’s heard it
do the strings have to start from the beginning of the year do I start a playlist for tomorrow this is for Colgate records they wanted minty
this doesn’t feel minty
you going to say River you going to feel you doing my field Bobby have you ever seen a thing on YouTube the young lady singing with jingles in the 80s for the bread company it’s patty patty cake patty cake it’s it’s like 40 minutes of her doing takes on this jingle at its heart goes out to her and she’s just like she’s the sweater it is the 80s that is VHS if she’s just in this booth it just like it’s just over and over again endless takes to like yeah
because clearly what they’re saying is like you more bread anything about it but she’s trying to get to the I guess you’d call it a bridge but it’s a jingle butt and if it that’s the amazing friends like 20 minutes into this real you get she finally gets all the way to the point where you get to hear the rest of the song and it’s like a bridge it’s just like
Valhalla you get to if you jump through all those Hoops you get to sing it’s good bread was bored with the voice of God as I ever want to go to the creatives are given this gift and then they’re like they’re they’re just putting the actual glass boxes you give us a little more raisin on the reason it’s amazing the realism of like hearing a little bit of what she hears on the track through her ear was just like a little bit of that little bit through through through
right back like you probably has lived his whole career like wondering when do I get an opportunity to sing like the improvised hook for an improvised rap about
is anything that I like when do I get to really let loose and just be John Mayer on The Dan Harmon rap I believe now that the way that I can speak to my abilities without sounding arrogant is to speak to my potential
I believe that I am a man of infinite potential I believe that my potential is far greater than anyone else’s potential and I believe that so I don’t even know what I’m capable of I’m also just discovering everyday I wake up if I choose to I can put my hand in a goldfish I feel wouldn’t allow that my thing knew something I didn’t know that I could do
you caught me on the same thing I’m feeling the same way and I don’t know if I can wrap and put them up with one might say that anything that’s come to me that has been deleterious and anyways, because of my belief in my potential is all just been an infinite potential and this is why I feel like I get flattened out in two-dimensional and things going my way because I lose the sight of my potential because my potential is realize and I don’t feel at home there so whatever song you have Dan Harmon I want you to believe that I’m going to drop into it with Vigor and dedication like it was my Patty Cakes
let us bring this bigger give me a beat
don’t give me time to think about it
oh shit yeah
yeah rap isn’t about thinking it’s the end of the Titanic sink and it’s about floating on the ocean with water rap is going from mothers to daughters the patriarchy got to come down I thought your mom was so hard at church of smile upside down but that doesn’t mean she started frowning it just being happiness was inverted for her yo my name is Dan Harmon I’m here to say that I’m here to say things in a wrapping way I like to wrap Weston rap to the east side I thought your mom would like a beast but let’s talk about the Earth in Horizon City your mama and it was surprised and I’m not trying to use the fuck your mama Krutch I’m I’m not star key or hush I’m rapping for real from the top of my head John Mayer’s here to help me, I’m going to respect his involvement and not be hacked I’m going to flow from my head down to my heart and Raph instead in a real way and rap from the soul and and do it
like rock and roll I’m going to wrap flicker stream rap like a mountain I thought your mom was like she was a fountain okay stop don’t no don’t stop I didn’t mean you stop I’m wrapping take it don’t you know it’s that I will never we can’t do it I’m so glad that we got to do it together we were we got to be as clever as pending on the weather when it’s warm out they go down to Miami if they fuck your mama like Sammy a friend of mine chance just give me a second but it didn’t wear okay to fail here rap rap you know it’s now or never
when we all get together when I went to put an issue I fuck your mama been shot my glue at 8 to 8. I put it on her envelope and then we went off and got married we awoke I proposed to her and she said yes and then we went and met Hermann Hesse he was a Nazi war criminal but he was fine he’s not a good person but he allowed us to dine it is our living room gave us that we went in the backyard and we looked at her hands they look like Cosmic shards and they were reflecting the moon like we said holyshit humanity is United like loaves of bread do shit we’re all
then we’re rising up to the west of the East and then how I meant is your daddy now he’s laying it with your mother and he likes to tell the world about it there is no harm and hide and what better time to let you know, there’s no harm and Robin different looks to choose from In the Mix I got my smoke odor over here I turned the knob and now I’m sitting up
Yo-Yo Yo-Yo Yo-Yo Yo-Yo Yo-Yo lunch one day and he saw your mama and he said hey and he said my name is John Mayer and she said hi and he said I’m going to take you to this guy and he sang Your Body Is a Wonderland but what about my dick and she said I’m not standing in line for it and he said you don’t have to I’ll take you to the front and she said yep you got a FastPass to my front
dad
give me a minute left. Now it’s called fast pass the fact that you can’t think of anything stop you from going that’s that that’s the virtue of Wednesday My Mind Is a Wonderland he did he already did well he said it but I got a new there’s no Hyundai Sonata yeah I said Siddhartha I dropped effect hard to do if you serious I was thinking that whole time you just busted I said either I could have do one that’s great what we have to do you have to be an open Channel but not to open to close my channels I try to keep the aperture just as gaping wide is
that makes sense why do guys get a room you know he’s not going to be back here next week I won’t be back I didn’t think you would be up to him like that he’s a guest I was trying to make him feel welcome in like you didn’t make a mistake to make me feel unwelcome I was saying I love you I’m on the night of the Grammys about the fact that he’s having copious amounts of sex with America’s mother his mother
now this list does Circle back to everything we talked about being disruptive being strange on Grammy night I showed up here and we jammed out and my fate is unclear will probably win a Grammy next year for this that’s the only reason I’m here so how do we put together and I was going to say the one thing I get to stand the way your mind works and I love being a mapmaker thunder on Dish Wonderland is this is so that’s why I could never get to it with the Wonderland smoke bomb went off you sub divide your brain Cleaves you take one thing you cut it into to go cuz it’s a and b it’s like being able to be with one and two and italic under that you build its kind of increasingly what’s the mathematical theorem or you just to keep cutting the distance between here in the wall you never get to the wall you have this thing where you continually keep cutting subdividing the idea she’s just and I like to do the opposite I like to lump the idea that I would like in the final five minutes to put things in the Box
a little bit how are things in general are you generally happy though cuz everybody wants to maintain and get to a healthier Place yeah you just need to be more in touch with what those things are you attended which might become gratitude like looking and going like oh here’s the Box I’ve been it’s pretty good pretty good and people in Lebanon in the boxes if I take them out like we have I think it’s important to put them back in and go like so what is a great fit what is something you love what’s a simple pleasure where you go, I love being on the timer friend that is that do you would you are you are you are you an alright guy you’re going to call me a cock now know cuz I never fully figure out how cock the term applied to politics and I don’t understand I love my girlfriend I’m really happy to be with her I’m so excited I found somebody instead just cuz she’s in a room I swear to God she’s not usually here and she might have left already but I really genuinely like it’s a thing that I found now
map of Jesus thing it’s about you being in a constant state of me I’m happy hey that’s what I think is important Down News just feel better
that made me feel better because I tend to wear the sympathetic residue of people’s problems the more you go into something I track it my brain has such attraction on things that I wear like if you ask me like what that word that starts with a P that’s not and I will I will text you for days later and be like are you sure it doesn’t start with an out not worried about being depressed cuz you can handle so you obviously here but I would probably have texted you other things to try to put in a context what I want for you did or did not truly truly happy happy I’m frustrated at this current time with the fact that the way out of this life is not as keep changing exit ramp keeps being updated it’s a frustrating thing but that’s called privilege it’s like it’s like well I just wanted I wanted to know that I could I could get five years I had a plan and it did you keep changing the exit ramp and I’m like
Izzy’s people inside my car it smells like Pine Phil Collins is playing very good there is nothing wrong if you that’s changing the plan that’s the good news. I think it’s that seems to be able to hold up against a lot of forces that normally Drive intelligent mind crazy I’ll probably be fine
I just I just didn’t want I just didn’t see myself a listing and he saying after 45 like I just want it I had this image in my head like I thought I’d be retired by now cuz I hit my dad worked hard until a certain age I was like that was dumb you should do it that earlier could you be retired it if if you had all the money in the world you’re going to could you do it yes could you wake up tomorrow. But yes you would be what you would be okay then without yes does you think that’s true
talk now know you could have no I couldn’t have no no Google since I was like nope can’t Google myself with what I can and can’t do it kind of is like an old post at this point around by the way I don’t know if you know you’re a fan of Rick and Morty do you know that Brandon does the voice of Mr goldenfold that’s great I like him very much because he’s drawn just a little differently than everyone else he’s drawn from a different kind of nomenclature than than everyone else on the show me much on a real-life math teacher I had some of the grade I can’t remember but he’s had some sort of Animation Exchange program does someone from Rick and Morty
my mother likes blue Fat Albert desk kind of show him his name is Mr goldenfold and the principal’s name is vagina right Phil Hendrie the great the great Phil Hendrie tartaro he’s he’s trying to start an actual Wonderland just just like me but you know what I would I would enjoy the couple, so I’ll probably go creeping around for more like this is the best I can do at this point my life it seems like you don’t love his music but I like funnier than I thought which is still letting me hear some relax music I just like when I like people have to put up a lot of disclaimers like I actually got to say like to put up like 6 or 7 just not a fan of his music
it is past is shady I wasn’t in this and that your body is Wonderland is dumb but I have to tell you in confidence that I do believe now after watching this podcast that I know nothing about John Mayer and waiting and waiting for something positive to come along I feel settled all that’s what the man will see what he comes up with next and I love Rick and Morty and I like I’ve been trained now when I see those two statements that’s so sounds like great things but I know no one would say that online if they weren’t about to fucking Tear Me Apart while I do love his music he’s a giant piece of shit in my trunk, but I’m super grateful for you kept coming by not just because you are super famous and it was like an interesting strfkr win but like the honestly the real I really really wanted to come to the show because I we had a moment of eating pepperoni pizza
like I I just exude an intelligence and an awareness that made me excited to talk to you and I I bet a lot of all listeners are are happy for it said then and it’s did it was you don’t do this a lot you’re not like on every pie have to right some friends who’ve asked me to be a cop and I said I wouldn’t I literally texted them on the way here literally I actually honestly text them on the way here and I was like just to let you know I’m going off to Dan Harmon’s podcast I told you know in the past but he cornered me and told me that I had to do it and and so I’m going to let you know so the I’ve lifted the Embargo for this cuz I find you far too interesting I think you are diseased with your own intelligence we could disappear up each other’s asses like as a title we have finally found the show title each other but I really want you to know how grateful I am. That’s so cool that you came out to the middle of Burbank on a Sunday night by yourself and King
Aaron shared your fears and insecurities and your your your pride and all and all the shit with us like I’ve love transparency and honesty and your soul is the opposite of a Wonderland it’s a deep Labyrinth deep level and also there’s other songs that he missed messages or anything you are the reason you kept hitting it is there anything you ever wanted to ask or say to John Mayer identify with a lot of stuff I have the slice of tiny internet Fame but a lot of stuff that I’ve wrestled with the dealt with that the past is very Illuminating and helpful module up for an hour and go into the the mechanics of like how to process what people say about you but
you know most people give their give themselves up in the way they write the first sentence you know that you start seeing vocabulary like they don’t realize that they follow a pattern we do we know they follow a pattern so most of the time people just out themselves as being lame in the first sentence occasionally someone get a good hit in and I’ll be like that’s a good hit. As far as like finding out like the Twitter account of the person who wrote the article and you just think about reaching out I I block all of them and I usually before I block them I’ll like send a snapshot of their profile with their follower numbers and then the fact that they were following me circled in red and then I’ll block up cuz I just like why are you following somebody and talkingshit you’re dumb you’re just going to tell you why I’ll tell you why the whole thing comes down
to an Acura Integra I knew it it all comes down to an Acura Integra beautiful car I’m sure it’s a great value
people want you to have one so that Acura keeps giving money to the people who want you to have won 50% of the articles that are written on these sites that try to sell you the Acura are very important
the meaning for the other 50% is absolute garbage not to drive you to just nothing but sales and clicks your responsibility is to figure out which 50% is which and block out the dumb shit that’s the challenge it all goes back to an Acura Integra is the show I am not going to monopolize it ladies and gentlemen thank him for coming at you very much the relatively important like going to bed with Cody I’m going to drive home
you shouldn’t do you going to run a whole transcript to that breaking call the praying and then you’re going to complain you going to ask if you can take it out the next time they put it up on the net to going to say on that thing I’d rather forget can we take the rap Star Trek do it yet I just don’t want to hear from people telling me that there was something I said that they can get the smell of me that I was trying too hard in the backyard how about the milkshake put it at large that it was all curdled yeah I don’t want to be that way so I think I did it right but now that I did that’s why I kept wrapping tonight when I get in the car I think about the rap this is the thing that I did that’s crap to make it off balance to make it to strain got to be strange though tomorrow is a new day I need directions to Nu-Way I got to approve I got a chance I did it too well tonight that racked my brain I got to get in the tub and wonder what I can write to tell you if can you take a couple things out tonight cuz I don’t like two legs I don’t like for like I don’t like even pegs I like shit missing
that’s going to bring those pleasant out up there in the tub if I can wrap good I’m embarrassed that I did it in front of you you can never come back again
that was amazing fuck you fuck you
that was awesome when you’re making it up me back real fast if I got my grandbaby I can’t I can’t freestyle a file that’s fucking crazy
Sonny Rollins Chippendale
what time is your massage schedule for yeah thanks to Steve Levy thanks to Chris Beau Rivage Zach the audio Maniacs Tara Hill knowing fabric is Kevin De bruyne and in our guest Comptroller of course Dan Harmon John Mayer thank you so much I drive fast take chances