Episode: 276 – Cheapy Peepy


Episode: 276 – Cheapy Peepy


Steve Levy and Rob Schrab share an intimate physical moment, Dan shows off his Dave Matthews impression, and we discuss the hot button political issue on everyone’s mind: Spiro Agnew. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Spencer Crittenden, Rob Schr…


hello one and all returning in for vehicle of town Burbank Hermantown is now in session
don’t bug him to chase the game master
Spencer Crittenden
trying to debate nimbly like a mountain goat
with a bag of holding finger
Melania Trump, Jeff Davis could be back in town with you all for your mayor of Hermantown mr. Jan Harmon
yeah I’m at the top of my head like butter Top bread coming out at the top of the show after I saw your mama’s ass and blasted her with my penis too but it was consensual and it was more than that it was sent you I took her out to Great America it’s a theme park we had a good time we had a pretty good time
oh crap I cut the music Travis just her hanging from the background and I think he’s bringing someone else is so loudly that it sounded like he was running the show sensual that it was actually achieved sensual it rhyme wise but not politically I got I got into the Uber to come here tonight and you still taking Ubers
cry I got to work on that I got to take lyft’s I don’t know what it is it’s like a weird I don’t know
I don’t know what I’m pulling into I think it’s just that I think it’s the Ubers in Los Angeles is there like big vehicles with guys that are like yeah it’s the it’s the social thing it’s the distance like the way I took it I took the last time I took a Lyft I told the story I think at least I know I told it on Twitter it like that guy didn’t hit it with my foot tucked under my but the guy was like he spent the first half of the ride complaining about how the area was being gentrified and then the second half of the ride was consumed by this weird moment where he asked me to not put my foot on his upholstery it was like a like a it was like a not a good car you taking regular list yeah it wasn’t like a lift lift asshole or if you should get you should be taking Lyft HotShots it was that mean that this guy was accepted the fare from regular left maybe he’s
the only available till this Hotshot but it was probably an LA take it just seems like uber continues to be basically Armenian limo limo drivers who are like making money in their spare time and it’s not that there if you get black car or do you get like regular Uber I get I get I get I get the I get the I get to fancy thing as I just I just the distance is the emotional distance I just wherever I’m going I just want to be left alone for the right you know I just I put my earphones in and there’s a little small talk you know like tonight halfway halfway there how did he phrase it the guy said
take a look here
he said
you go to the Starbucks
but I know it’s him making small talk like you had you like Gigi what do you like to do things like yeah I think he was probably saying like why are you driving 15 miles to a Starbucks that aren’t there nine of them around your house is like not the star Burns
did he did he make a fire starts and you had either write like the only time I can pick up your phone and you’re going to you’re going to call a ride and then you have to go through this like deposition about your last ride which was probably two days ago did did did Armand do a good job leg did you get a now there’s like tipping and all his shit and I’m not complaining about anything that’s the good news like I’m so I’m so I’m so low and I was not the word I’m sure Rob like I’m like you know remember how he has two weeks ago RhymeZone a little bit of a funk and came over today a good thing right from John Mayer
how about that show let’s talk about let’s talk about our show oh yeah and all the sudden you have John Mayer Is a Wonderland
did you listen to the to the episode like probably half of it
it has the speed limit feeling approval I leave he’s leaving me feels and I don’t know who’s supposed to be insulted by this but I can tell he thinks like now that John Mayer has been on like we’re six months from book a DMV coming on yeah
maybe we could get advice on the on how to make a Wikipedia from them embarrass myself which DMV Dave Matthews Band I didn’t embarrass myself and I don’t want to insult me like that I don’t have I don’t care about music I really like John Mayer he was a Jew I wasn’t I was making I was just Levy is leave you as a very big Dave Matthews Band so much so that he calls them the DMV and before you make fun of him for it every week to go to with his dad and his brother and now his dad’s dead so fuck you anyway this guy’s a fan and then it’s like oh cuz his dad died and then Dave Matthews is like wet so it’s not my cords somebody’s somebody hung me a Dave Matthews Band song on TV
let’s play la la la
if you don’t know
they look like donkey Matthews bands that sound like it’s just kind of like an emotional donkey
that’s a way to put emotions then you have people can connect them self to bands because of sentimental value to it because you’re you went to the show with your father or you grew up listening to it and yet you know you’re you’re a step mom’s house or whatever and you have the emotional connections to things that maybe you wouldn’t have otherwise like sports prison so I can people get patriotic about like how do you spell cuz I’m from LA and they’re getting their assholes about it or Yankees fans or whoever wherever you’re from but some people can get to love the San Francisco Giants because that’s where their father took them when they were little before then for the father died so I don’t know if you have any special emotional connections to any sports team so I just wish the Eagles would finally get a Super Bowl win
North Korea is going to break it down for you if you’re throwing up or it’s obviously not going to pretend I didn’t hear about it and you can’t you can’t you can’t avoid it the Eagles won it was their first win ever literally ever their first Super Bowl win in the history of the franchise a franchise that has got to be who knows how old is it out for you watching the game most like what was the most capital Y Yardage like so much that’s how they want if you if you go back play by play the Eagles had more yardage that’s how they want the Patriots were short on yardage they didn’t ice their knees and they came in overconfident why do they thought they had more yard in from previous game yardage only camps game for Game yeah you
you tabulated throughout the season you’re trying to figure out like what teams have a better chance of winning but that can be a blessing or a curse in my opinion Jeff and I am I am I’m sorry this is just one man’s opinion I think that the Patriots came in fucking thinking we got the yardage date but do what they fail to understand is that every team starts every game with zero yardage that’s a technical fact
what do you think this loss this last for the Patriots memes for Tom Brady going for Tom Brady’s going to have a lot of recovery to do his many injuries throughout the game like I just the beginning of it he’s also now got injuries related to his leadership I don’t know if you saw his press conference after the game but he cited practice and coaching and team and ship and you know but what people wanted to hear from him really was leadership first which he did mention but he mentioned in the wrong order and sew Breeze going to circle back and he’s going to have to think you might a person that needs to leave these Patriots and he’s only five years younger than you are right now he might be the oldest quarterback in the NFL Super Bowl history like what do you know anything about sports of course Tom Brady the quarterback of the Patriots I was saying do you think that what does it mean for him he’s famous for wearing a glove
like a weird color Glover. That’s a different player okay hang up his glove or shity shity bring it back next season I think I take it out look this is a dangerous sport you know no matter how many times you ice your knee you’re still going out there and not even risking concussion to actually statistically just accumulating concussion and spine injury on behalf of a corporation that’s going to spend the offseason deciding whether there should be a rule against you kneeling during the national anthem which is kind of an insult so let’s go and I said all right
yeah how is that I took great like really sick of the irony of that imagine being a football player and knowing that the NFL commissioner is going to is going to spend this offseason thinking about rules against protest on the field Club remove always the the anti-protest rule hadn’t thought of that these are currently like is it all this that concussion information is coming out like like not that it’s never been there but it’s just it’s right there in the Zeitgeist right next to the fact that these are people who are not allowed to express in a completely peaceful way that arguably deference still to the national anthem of the fact that while they were lucky enough and talented enough to end up where they are with everyone paying attention to them they’d like to risk their entire career and reputation saying yeah but I’m not comfortable with going on back in my hometown
like the policies I’m so I’m going to kneel during the national anthem is if in deference to my Fallen Brethren because I don’t want to be privileged to turn me into someone who turns their back on on their fellow man and and then that’s caused such a stir because we love to shop and watch these guys injure themselves until they’re like basically dead at 40 physically because they’ve their brain has been concussed so many times their spine slowly mangled to keep talking to you Tom Brady
especially when the two teams in the Super Bowl are they Patriots and the eagle Star Spangled Banner yeah alright well I don’t have anything but supposably Trenton apple pies I don’t know
well shit Feedly we just came down hard on time braided yeah I don’t I don’t I don’t know who Tom Brady is in case that wasn’t on there wasn’t he in Mad Max he was Mad Max
alright well let’s bring up tonight’s gas I can’t think of a better way to follow up our award-winning show just a visit from the always surprising find your find your camera find your camera for $5 a month so you can see the creepiest entrance of all time it’s certainly something I have I have a question everybody trapped in the house in the house I question I have is speculation about like the kneeling during the sports how do I have a question okay so Republicans don’t like it when the black people in the overhead. They can’t make me okay
things that we liked like option welfare
come on let me know we are already kneeling what do they what what I’m curious I would like to if I had one of them here or like okay we’re going to kneel during that what would you kneel I think it would be very telling I’m eating do you know their answer would be would be amazing. But the but the general class-warfare truth is that of course no one no one cares when an old white man meals like that the Aveda be does it think about it this is this is this is like seeds for a would think they should kneel during because it’ll be a list of racist shit that because they’ll be like what do black people like I’m going to go there in that black people like no I don’t
year named it just play it safe just name it like the top of 100 things you think black people with like I got the cast of wine that just puts free things in there that you said it said bring the Oscars you know like they are Republicans don’t like he’s off on that track so the Republicans Republicans not like they like me getting as a gay marriage certificate in your welder pouring Carrie Coffey I don’t take old white people at the again the reason why young athletic black men kneeling is causing of Hysteria
is because they’re doing it in front of everybody who might get bad ideas because everyone’s watching them because they have the power to go out and get another thing
besides sports that everybody’s watching
another name for the news in Oscars Oscars pilot that’s about to Riverdale Riverdale Riverdale on Netflix Game of Thrones Make It kneel during that stuff the fuck this is hilarious or a Crocodile Dundee looks pretty good
call Danny McBride be like fuck me that is the kiss of death he’s working on the highway I couldn’t tell if it was a Toyota commercial or a or the tourism ad which it was for Australia but it also was a tie into the to promoting this film was there making a Dundee movie they’re doing a runt did Paul Hogan isn’t it they’re doing a Dundee reboot I can’t wait you putting bibs under his eyes now what I’m going to do what if he goes to the movie and there’s a Kenny Powers
not a hero what are goes to the movie and he could end in the movie Danny McBride comes out of a river and he wrestles a crocodile and then why is wrestling at he says like I do I’m trying to I’m trying to rip a joke that would be like in a comedy movie that would like like like the crocodile like bites him and runs away and then he goes like oh so you’re vote results huh I like so there is Donald Trump jr. going to then get back on Twitter and go I’d like to recant like I was very disappointed he wouldn’t Express that right cuz it would be an admission of weakness cuz it would mean that he was capable of being wrong about that you would say I was having a good time with my Bros watching Danny McBride Dundee and then they had to physically do this baloney about stuff during my Danny McBride and just ruined my evening me and my wife and my bras we have
get out of there and just we just had to go home and I had to put an ice pack on or something I just hated it almost you’re trying to enjoy yourself DJ Khaled, sweetheart below the down stupid and it’s in Titleist and it’s in it’s it is fucking GIF in appropriate I hate yes Eric
Johnny I’m just saying get back in the car where is thing yourself which is that were the least interesting point of all cuz I noticed that it’s like a lot like love the liberal media and the liberal entertainers in the comedians like oh we will we don’t like the thing and then I didn’t you notice all the scene there where it’s like that is exactly how we’d react react as if he was a real big to this movie and then and then and this is horrible Choice has been made that didn’t have to be made you didn’t have to go there with a shape which is exactly what kneeling before the anthem is it will why do they have to finish this game of football where my corporation owns these Gladiators who go out and mingle their spines for me I like it was it was perfect it’s already fine who cares that everyone doing it has this opinion just get rid of that opinion I think that’s so inconvenient
stupid of them like how how why would they want to do that to a great game like football they are the game of football what are you going to do without the worst football players that love the national area I didn’t I don’t want sports did they mean it did anybody and I don’t know why some people didn’t have their hands on their hearts but you’re probably the next to the legal thing and Pious NFL National Football League I found Justin Timberlake’s outfits with his band a little a little hobo a little racy a little hobo way too much skin
and the church were with your church
I’m glad you had a red one the red bandana and she was he a blood now or do you just come back from the group you think it would like yeah you come back with a red handkerchief on him about t Lakes
so I can get Jay Lakes jail a thousand years and the Philippine recycled costume was from the last Super Bowl cuz there’s a lot of people wearing primary colors but he did a good job with the rewind my podcast watch The Lady Gaga performance I mean he’s like that’s super shity I wouldn’t follow that shit yeah the Rena and then she again you know I don’t want to mess up if you’re a fan of the podcast and I want to bore you but she drove off
now many many artists have been on wires Garth Brooks Beyonce Peter Pan on a wire and then I came like creepy crawly in the air like she was like she was she was doing I was like that’s what I do if I was on a wire I think I’d like to know she was like panicking cuz I know she was acting like she was following you know is that the name of it was there a song is there a song that has to do with falling a pride and have to do with football I don’t know what is how do I get to get irritated with any of you guys tonight. I’m feeling funky why why are you in the truck right now. We should be in a sandbar we’re over 70 where we’ve been doing what we’ve been doing
to me and I had a good time Saturday
good time good time Saturday at Rob’s Rob’s house robbed by went to Rob’s Rob’s house I was playing Magic it was great Rob Trump went to bed very early
Kate Kate was like I’m going to go play magic cards over my friends at my other friend’s house and I said why don’t you want to play over here and she was like and I was like come on I’ll be the wife and I’ll make you know little finger sandwiches this is literally a King of Queens episode yeah yeah you know I’ll just do this you having friends over and I’ll just I’ll make I’ll make tacos and nachos I didn’t make nachos if we had chips that he made chips in a bowl and then once I was done with my part of it he went to other room and watch Blake 740 3 hours fell asleep
during one of the episodes okay
8:30 Saturday yeah what do I have to stay up for when I’m a grown person I can go to sleep anytime I want to stay up for me my life you sing rabbit you weren’t you weren’t excited up playing Magic know he do I get to belong he was doing the thing the 50s thing with the where the wife make sandwiches and had a little bell as a poker every time like those were done they have a Taco Bell that he would ring at Taco Bell do you think it was disappointed or happy know she was very happy I was like let’s do this from now on instead of you leaving better Damaris you post them have already said that you won the magic gathering we played two games he wins every time I went up there a Statue of Liberty I couldn’t tell I didn’t zoom in yeah I had just played five statues of Liberty which as you know gives you protection for flying Spencer so help me God
before the show this is ice cream I think
exhaust causing this I had a pint of ice cream I was eating ice cream see Travis having a problem is odf
me we have a question from Steve Levy it is not me hot is acquiring minds Beyond of meat beyond meat beyond meat crumbles what kind of cheese was it it was somewhere less almond cheese
somewhere this side of the state proof of the cheese is an artificial construct calm a quarter till 2. Is dairy-free cheese
is dairy-free cheese a real in love.
I ate I ate a few why didn’t look too close at cuz it’s just a game when you can’t hard to zoom and see the thing but it looks like little little Statue of Liberty heads they had spikes on them they were hellions hellions yeah they’re like big worms that butthole mouths they got butthole butthole
free straight math well so you’re not a but you’re not feeling better right go up and down you know I don’t I don’t I don’t want to advertise my my state of mind can a person and then a lot of your wonderful fans like writing to help hey I hope you feel better and at it and it’s nice and you get like a little jolt of all that feels good and being cared about I don’t want to be addicted to that I don’t want to be addicted to the to the to the pep talk so I’m I’m I’m I’m going to try to be a little bit more private about it I wouldn’t want to receive that I would die would taste it at all like poison not because of that would be like I’m so embarrassed I accidentally I got so drunk I tweeted I want out all I want is out Courtney Love
yeah so she can take you out that’s why I could be there in 20 minutes
she has a nice meal
or have you seen where the other take is that she’s been through enough and you are a Jew raised her alarm Bells has an incredibly irresponsible waste of her empathy it in any case it was very embarrassing I have died that hits me is like ocean I fucked up and 45 years old. Don’t don’t ever make people think that they have to waste their energy on you that way when you went in there it’s already hard enough to give it to other people like you know I like I like throwing a pity party for myself but it’s more like you know it’s a it’s a pity party and I ate I did it and I was just honest about it but I don’t want to get into a habit of a big DM it it becomes a snowball you become addicted to the pep talk and and you don’t you move forward to be me I just I have to live through this I have to find some way to get out of it
and I know that and I’ll be fine I’m you know what I thank everybody for being concerned but I’m going to be okay strap came over today and he’s going to he’s going to test drive my iPad Pro to see if he wants to get one himself I have a 2 of them to I got the big one and just said it was too heavy I like the smaller one but maybe if I like it I could buy one of yours off of you I could buy one he needs both of them and I don’t have enough respect for my money to my brother had my iPad Pro back and you go get your own okay when I get to do with that fair market price for a 12.9 inch iPad Pro that I charge my friend I’m going to have like a stack of $20 bills that I do what with the not going to be karmically damaging to me to come on what do you mean
stack of money
you could buy a bunch of Apple pencils at your dog eats are you could you could fucking I don’t know if that’s what I’m saying monies for blowing out your ass for money is a river or a sea monkey needs a river look up a cup of water from them like in exchange for something for some of Rock Lake to go get your own rock fucking II cheat me out there everywhere again to buy me anything I probably do that before I don’t I don’t want your gifts he’s good at he’s at he’s at he’s at he’s a he’s a little cheapy cheapy cheapy call me if I’m not a cheap Epp Dan fucking take it back your kind of attack tppp I wanted to know if it worked
we were talking on the plane and you said well I could let you borrow it I let me try it out and I’ll give it back and I’ll buy my own it’s not a cheap Epp that’s being smart anyways he came over to get it and I was in my underwear and he’s like so I got the iPad at 8 and then he’s like he’s like is like
how bad you want to be just leave so bad he walked it outside got out of his house and when I don’t know how we got upstairs and I sat down and he came into the room was like
so disgusted that I took a load off she’ll beep n n n n n n n n n n n e poured me a drink to make conversation and memo and I got to go as far as I can tell the memo is and Cody comes in Cody’s been sick for 3 Days in my emergency like with a banana and an aspirin or something what did you tell me I was interrupting something and Cody’s like Naruto you’re not interrupting anything I want to hear about the memo to
I don’t get the fucking memo that was the funny part of my days I am myself in the position of explaining the memo to people that were like the rest of us all seeking Clarity on the fucking stupid ass memo and if you’re listening to this three years in the future cuz you’re catching up on 500 episodes of harmontown Father trying to park there was there was this point during the fucking six-year remake of the Nixon Administration where did this fucking Sub Sub sub plot about some dude in the woods in the north of the wall called the Nunes memo is happening and end the end and it was it was dumb but yeah I can’t I can’t really expect in the future this is 2018 this is back in a time when money was still frothy and for that reason like listen again to Slow Burn it’s the it takes you through the Nixon
and it’s not the cheeky way it’s just it’s just it’s very it’s a little bit comforting sometimes it’s a little sometimes it’s kind of bums you out but it’s like its it just it just walks you through the six-year administration of an Administration kind of
destined to
impeached and it’s interesting how long it takes and how many Bee stories are reminded in like the second to last episode that Spiro Agnew was the vice president and he had to step down because of a completely unrelated Scandal that he just had going on on the side he was just like he was like a money launderer and a bribe take her and stuff and he he got caught doing it and he just had to step down from the vice presidency amid the Watergate shit like it just happened as a side order of potatoes some rice balls that came to the to the table would have it shipped together around any mistake he might like you he would be the most
reliable person have a cybernetic hand spirit
surrogate to be Spiro Agnew I have 10 spears in my egg new deposition to the compliance of my Spiros okay I will see you in 10 9 8 7 6 5 Action News live to Spiro 4321 you have been in defiance of the sparrow I do a double Rosa Iowa now authorized to use lethal force that you were knocked over my cup
I am the more Superior version of unrelated but parallel Scandal involving a White House
anything to do with space to Gerald Ford and then after Dan explaining me all this he goes well sounds like you’re going through a really hard time right now and you probably want to talk about this but I got to hang out with my girlfriend I said it sounds like you’re mad because you were taking his iPad Pro or does he just don’t know what he do. You look like you’re having a hard time right now wish I could help you but get out Sunday that is not I don’t know how I phrase it but that’s not how it was my way out of his he’s like
knocking on on my on my card hey we don’t have a guest tonight no no okay send it to you. By the way I’m a guest tonight when you come on harmontown and and and and and you could barely release your white-knuckled grip on your free p p p p iPad what get to your voice box so you can admit the most begrudging you reacted to being a guest on harmontown a show that has given you start
this does not feel free
feels like I’m paying for this iPad one way or another
I mean if you get rest of my life people are going to be calling me tppp the rest of my life Steve make me pee pee pee pee pee pee and iPad Pro please I want those who contribute to be rewarded
I feel like John Mayer’s Arlo plays himself but he handles it by having the voice of a fucking angel and insightful interesting, they are out of what a Wonderland I don’t think it was do you think he was a little I mean I know from talking to him over Pizza I mean he that he he doesn’t hate that song. Just think it’s weird and random that that’s how do you how do you make them because it was it randomly or he came to the Rick and Morty, Terry. Okay which was kind of random as it was in the audience there wasn’t an audience knows somebody he excited
that was a good thing Matthew
when is season 4 coming out now where are you going in what way was it what he’s got them. They’re going to find something with his throat tea he did after after hours of me being a goofball trotting all over what may or may not have been his boundaries he did at one point just for one moment in the entire podcast keep as it as a placeholder within a joke is like for instance I did say like
so what and he’s like saying he just saying that phrase and I I had Shivers and I think I think that maybe just a professional vocalist that you should have asked him to can you do my voicemail message you know you didn’t though I never did it I never do that you never do and what would he have said they only do people use voicemail anymore if you were John Mayer voicemail I think it would go a little something because you use your voicemail so much rob you have twenty seconds to pull up the ability for someone to leave your outgoing message on your voicemail which is going to be totally second nature to you
voicemail my voicemail record your new outdoor cord at 6 because you know how to bring it up I like my voicemail message I don’t want to erase it with this this pull it up and down cuz what you need to do is put put me in my place get down there I take take take take me down and I know you have reached the offices of Chibi people chasing the moth that has came for my coin purse right now because they might be worth money I think they have copper in their veins
r h e p p p
I’m turning a penny into wire right now in an adaptation of an anti-semitic joke I heard on the playground my wife’s doing so thank you call you back after I get through slicing this Bean
I don’t appreciate any of this
look at Rob’s muscle arms look at that he’s got some real muscles going on
what’s your secret rub
what you out what are your secret to those muscle A-Arms how do you say sunrise and sinewy planking planking how long to eat links
I can do 8 planks in 6 notes
gave client comes over at the only thing I’ve Done Right in 2018 is every every other day since January 1st and now we are well into February I have been working at an ATM and you can watch me do it on Instagram live and Dave Klein is my personal trainer and that sounds great that sounds great and this is free I’m expressing yeah it is free yeah it is free I don’t know what I want to do I wasn’t telling you guys to watch me as to expressing pride and I’ll see you at like 9 or 8:30 or 3 p.m. and I’ll see that but does not way to scrub through it you have to watch the whole Camp you can go for like 5 minutes at a time
taba taba stop for you guys but you know what is for you guys as my friendship and the self-actualize version of me that would make the best friend possible be one who’s escaped from his toxic shame to therapy working out self-improvement confronting their demons making amends with numerous people he’s hurt over the last decade cool sunglasses ads and I just trying to take care of sick girlfriends and
you go trying to take care of soap girlfriend’s house in Winters
it was a mess episode like you don’t want it we don’t want to Garner a reputation for like at Olympic breaststroke we want to like confuse people at Splash around in the pool is he political its political I mean he said he should run for mayor
yeah yeah I’m four pound Mayer for mayor John Mayer I’m John Mayer
I think this town could use a new mayor
Golda Meir
Enemy but every man John Mayer hello mister mayor debates tonight are you sure you want to go over your platform I’ve just did okay read all the cards here we go or do we call you mayor mayor yes what are their last names candidates are at Senator gold Zach Goldman Sachs and congressmen they’re both there are a lot of people say oh they’re on the down slope they think they got it but what’s their last name isn’t what they’re trying to be it’s true gold so I can get me a glass a call you want
hey why don’t you be a goldsack and 1/2 hours later at the debates
what is your last name my last name
I’ll take that question for what it’s worth with my time but I can make a few made I have been a gold sack as I have proven effective business man the private sector and I do believe that as much as government is a business please mayor mayor

please rolls off the tongue please give Congressman the goldsack it’s time to open up the back I was just saying
many of the areas from which we suffer in a public government could be
even a question what’s in the sack do I get extra time in the sack goldsack more like mold sack I believe my candidates as sums up the expression he who has no Spiros in his canoe boasts a tough game
it’s called soap
look it up
I’m not dirty mobile back don’t talk about my hygiene so I paid when it’s appropriate that a moldy sack your jeans are moldy flashback to John Gould tax 6th grade playground
hey girl you want to go play some kickball again I would love to thank you it’s about time I was invited to participate in a man with a green my hygiene should be of no concern to Pho 6th graders I failed us understand how it affects our friendship and can’t keep those balls dry man your sack is all moldy and I get it I’ve heard every permutation of this for me like I care about them in myself when I feel more like cold sack this is the irony suffering the slings and arrows from the fellow man of course it’s not meant to hurt you but it will be my eternal plagg I have rewired my heart to avoid abuse and incest
should become a form of abuser for that I am sorry Elizabeth and I will be sorry to every woman I will ever meet or my name’s not Senator John goldsack abuser
fuck you don’t ever call me dirty he Pig
the Bulls are in everybody wants to vote for for mayor John for his for his bold statement I got to agree with you there pickles I thought that John Muir bursting into sobs during his candidacy was the wrong move at the wrong time for the wrong Administration back to you Rebecca
hey come on down to Rebecca Peevy you’re going to get a free TV if you come on down and get a loaf of bread with your free TV free TV for a man Trask I’m Rebecca and this is my TV store
well in other news birds are falling from the sky suffering from some kind of mercury poisoning that they’ve absorbed in the clouds Rodger Harmon as the story
this is Rodger home it’s done
the expression is birds of a feather flock together but these birds will only fall together as long as they keep inhaling Mercury it seems droplets of the formerly celebrated substance known as quicksilver have been poisoned by noxious fumes reportedly coming from this Factory behind me is we burned every thermometer in the building bill bill is the proprietor of bills that mercury burners a factory that claims it is not responsible for the mercury in the clouds yes we take we make thermometers here and we realize that that’s probably where is Mercury’s comes home so we took all the thermometers that we have when we burn them we burned every thermometer and all that all the Mercury got burned up and went and went away went away when I went up the chimney what do you say to the American people when they say thermometers have mercury in them
I think when you burn them the Mercury goes up into the clouds
Bill continues to be good at business for CNBC I’m I’m Rodger harmer some breaking news from the Mercury Bird crisis we are sitting out here in a field full of dying young chicks that young birds who are suffering from alcohol alcohol can you pour mercury poisoning again
we go now live to UCB workshops were basically probably being taught I’m standing outside the headquarters on Sunset Boulevard or inside a 25 year old students from around the country are learning given take denial and question asking design for 6th graders Candice what
there’s no Candice here you see be in Burbank
they’re here to comment Matt besser
I’ve got a penguin. My head don’t say no
stop. Yeah I mean worst when people don’t they were too good for this
I mean your ear your New England Patriots lost today I can’t imagine the state that you’re in Spencer yeah it’s okay because we have all that other wins
remember all those times we cheated will always have those
you cheated that I see Donald Glover in a commercial for a big ass movie like is he going to be in Huggies Lando Calrissian direct now now because because our old friends got fired and replaced with my new friend Ron Howard hell yeah
who are the old friends Lord Miller Regis never met him but they’re great young Lando Calrissian you think he’s going to call him hand like it doesn’t the movies and you look pirate hand everyone else comes up on you must hurt my my little maneuver back to the Battle of Han Solo you old pirate Williams is fantastic of me doing Lando Calrissian is a bad impression of Howard Cosell Jeff Davis Highway cut sales sounds like Katharine Hepburn
Rob could you do this is a tough ask you can say no this is not how you see me class do you think you could do Dave Matthews Band but song as Katharine Hepburn I could you combine those two things
I mean it’s not the song but it’s an actual song I believe he said he hell yeah the bus took a puff poop off a bridge
DMV DMV DMV Roberto DMV I’m not being a jerk or provocative right now leaving talk me into Give Me Your Eyes into my possible love or at least interest in Dave Matthews Band and after you do that cuz you please book 6 black women for next week’s Show Jesus Christ trying to book diverse guests and Steve keeps telling us it’s not going to happen crazy at this point it’s crazy it’s been two years it’s crazy it’s not our fault it’s Steve leaving because of how how many Church you and I were at work emailing him all day long about getting some diapers if you have any says that he says he’s not getting them but he can’t hear you
first of all
now tell us about what you have to go back to the gym a broken record at my gym this weekend PR for 2 minutes straight with a 45-pound weight on my back so cool y pound weight plate on my back and plank for two minutes of Planks on your elbows or elbow allowed to do this as constitutional Steve I’m getting into South care so I need you to get fat and beasts live only because otherwise we’re what what is this just actually looking like today in 45 years I feel like a bag of smashed assholes I’m fucking a rap that you don’t go for a while it’s it’s it’s thirsty work
but you complained with 45lb on your back yes could you cuddle me
in a plane go like a back and cuddle you okay good for one push up cuz I’m a complaint on you on you
I’m going to be the 45-pound weight this isn’t why is this song to be doing well he’s an Arab tribe spooning on stage
all I wanted they got nappy time light okay when microphone probably very comfy I love you very much. You make me laugh a lot I appreciate you make me laugh thank you for helping Kate and I out on Thursday oh yeah that was fun Cairo to good script much better too if she deserves that movie if she wrote a great script out what do you mean it’s going to get much better will she she we gave her a bunch of notes and let’s look what you doing what are you doing up here supervising and I I needed to grab Mike I gave you such an easy target easy to look over them like like like like like Odin
or I what’s your biggest fear my biggest fear being forgotten
no that’s why I’m here tonight on the stage with you guys you okay
going that’s quite as I know you okay yeah I’m fine this is amazing what do you thinking of that color you ever see it did you see that Armie Hammer movie was really good
I didn’t Caicos hey I kind of like okay well we’ve seen seeing what would we have left and she just lets go watch this could call me by your name and I like what’s it about she’s like I don’t know and I’m like okay alright Armie Hammer is in it and he’s good and okay let’s check it out you know and it’s about this this older man like falling in love with this young boy actually I think and and and and I’m like okay
all right fine all right whatever it’s I’m a little uncomfortable because the kids under age and it’s very romantic and then when it gets to the child fucking
17 I’m not defending job I could keep going keep going just I’m sitting there watching it I turn turn to Kate on the couch she’s fast asleep so now I’m just me sitting alone in a bit in the living room watching this
man romanticize this chat this boy and it’s all romantic and it’s all like indie film with good reason not going to say it’s all good and it’s fun but it’s it’s already thought you told me that story of the funny thing about it I’m just saying because it’s like when you were explaining it to me you’re like you were so you so wanted Kate to to to know that you are a thoughtful Academy Award considering advocate of of progress in the future and that you weren’t you were afraid to like you were like your eyes are glued on the screen and she’s behind you on the couch and like and so you’re like you don’t you’re afraid that I kind of like send any overtures of like like looking at your washer a bathroom but I held it in because I was like well if I get up now I’m I’m homophobic or whatever
comfortable and I’m just like you know and I know the funny thing about the movie was that Cody and I kept going like what part of this exercise might be the straight people are supposed to like experience like getting frustrated that gay people haven’t gotten down yet cuz cuz we were like it we are like if this was
the brokeback guys would be on their third brokeback by now it takes them 2 hours to to make a back to do it I don’t want to spoil your name there’s absolutely no question once in a while a movie comes on while you’re like Jesus Christ obviously the directors reach out to the actors are amazing the kid is giving like the performance of a lifetime like I’m taking that’s not funny that’s funny
is that
do cuz that’s the fastest rate since he’s giving a performance of the lifetime and he’s taking the performance of a lifetime that’s not funny well because I’m smiling cuz you’re yelling at me.
Can I hack it’s brilliant It’s the funniest joke ever never been find your camera I’ve never I’ve never I’ve never wanted more gay sex to happen more quickly in my in a movie in my life board that’s what I’m saying have you ever been on a nude beach
just topless just topless just a minute I think I am vacation went I’m kind of stumbled upon one in Hawaii and we just kind of hung are you turn today I was in La Jolla La Jolla Spanish for the Jolla but yet that’s correct Minds state park has this like a big it’s on the top of this big
cliff and they do gliders like people are paragliding in parachuting off this Cliff where the top of the cliff watching people jump off the mountain and it’s pretty cool would it be cooler if we went to the bottom of this Cliff to see the people jump off the hill and we are like sure we we we hiked down this Cliff to the beach as soon as I got on the beach realize everyone was naked even though hand gliders I’ve been thinking about it the important thing about the movie is that it is just the emotional aspect of the fact that I’m straight and I’m going like hurry up and fuck each other already I want to Define the Act because then we defined by the act and then we criminalize the actor I say this like people can be in love they are every day without anybody admitting it or knowing it or all those things like everybody I love that movie now
it was early lunch
yeah I mean I’m not I’m not going to say anything cuz yeah but it’s France I did find that kind of fascinating though because I like I’m very happy to be done with Milo yiannopoulos be out of the picture but isn’t that kind of what he was explaining on the Rogan show or whatever like when he finally like we found his off switch and is off switch was that he was technically in favor of whatever because I wasn’t his whole monologue just about the fact that when you’re gay because you’re already taboo and you’re not there is no prom night for you and there is no like rigorously set up real close to your sexuality that the way that you often encounter your your your sexuality is through the indoctrination vote by the people at so happy that something brought him down I just find it ironic that
that’s not funny videos of people skydiving that naked is pretty funny cuz it’s everything just flipping and flopping and why wouldn’t I
your your giant balls skydiving yeah it would be a spectacle I could use them as a parachute
you think your friends did you talk to anybody down there like one of the Flying Squirrel like like Red Bull like like like wingsuits you can make it also stretch it over my whole body
my privates it’s a normal room to look like a big big pair of balls and then at the top of them it’s just a little just a little nipple coming out this Funtime Harry hey look I’m not going to make a fuss if anybody wants me out here in your dick a disservice by putting that your dick into that the higher contrast living isn’t that big yeah I can’t tell if the if it’s an illusion that’s like wow those are big balls or but I’ve seen the photo of Zack and Cody take a few of your balls hanging out that we would let me keep torturing Steve Levy with your balls the size of like like like lemons like that big I was a big for a guy whose dick is a nipple
yeah then what is the point of this what is being generated in those balls of like it always feels weird it’s like if the fire department came up and they had like a giant water tank on their fire truck going to make sure I got all the presents Tron they’re like don’t worry man will have your love your house safe and second I appreciate the effort but
write something like that I don’t know what the metaphor I know it breaks down cuz it’s like it’s not a Dick’s job just like poor a bunch of, do it all right let’s go
he’s smiling like a hose that’s not want to know more than ever we don’t get a bunch of black women on our shows a perfect platform to discuss I will for sure if next week the week after I will have a great black always the week after I bet I can wear this chair.
I don’t want this can be so we’re going to have to call the fire department
yeah we’re going to need one I’d strap and shoved his head to the back of a folding chair and for real like I saw that go through and I you can tell it won’t come out and I come off because his ears are like the hope that that that’s how arrows are designed like this you can’t you’re not supposed to be able to pull an arrow out the metal tubing that’s used to form the structural frame of the chair is not strong enough like it’ll be easy to cut but it wouldn’t be comfortable to do so but also what you can’t see even in photographs is the fact that everyone I am to photograph it and it because it was clearly an act that was done for today guys I there was no reason for him to do it it just
he’s drinking a cup that was placed on the chair like a cup holder
for sure though that would be crazy
it’ll be just like this I think
but that’s okay cuz you can put your drink down right by your face it would make sense I get an apocalyptic world because there would be no place for anyone to sit down right before the apocalypse and then they would be like a bunch of empty chairs cuz the apocalypse happen but there’ll be nobody making clothes and that’s everyone’s walking around wearing chairs and couches and stuff you guys if you guys are laughing at me but I’m all ready for for like Mad Max Road Warrior like yeah
I think everybody’s like yeah like I’m like the gyrocopter guy I think your Mad Men will be called the chairman grab your primary
Rock a rock a web
I gave you thank you I’m going to be taking a cold from you down there, haha.
I want to buy a tension what do we have going on over here
he makes up for in blood on your head you don’t go for real we have no work order we table this meeting until tomorrow.
give me a safety issue he’s trying to hold his ear enough against his head with his hand which is why I don’t help them don’t help him helping it was hurting him okay they might be inspired to subscribe
please pass the ear by the way this is front you buy quip toothbrushes the toothbrush that vibrates when you use it come with a charger they said it couldn’t be done and so are your teeth if you don’t use quip I want a shirt
that’s what it would be like if people Ward Furniture is closed because they ran out of clothes listen man I’ve been a listener two of your podcast for a long time yeah I have
I would like a refund
Rob’s got the mic oh shit that so it’s not talking to it hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello I just turned it all the way down and the result is Rob sounds like Paul Rudd
all right good with magic
you going to get John Mayer up here and fucking put furniture on it so I can do a mad Mexican
just sure
wearing a chair is a shirt I got him in that hot water in the first place and he’s now he he he doesn’t have the courage to do to start wearing Furniture on Van cab touched by your Envy I wish you could express it in a more healthy way than attacking him or me I think it’s nice that I had a brief moment of Friendship with a guy that you know like laugh all you want I think we’ll make more you guys are still friends I think yeah but I probably already smothering them by mentioning him too much during my workout yeah he hated that boy all you got lacquer all over your back
back like you got a car you got stool resin
I don’t think you guys really get my character still had the time to really flush that character out I think it was the highlight of the evening
I think we did a lot of things wrong tonight that was probably number 50 on the list I I don’t I don’t I don’t regret a goddamn bit of it I think people will NASCAR people go to NASCAR every week what’s that car is running in a circle you’re only really there in case there’s a crash like no one wants to admit it sometimes there’s a crash so there’s a crash is exciting you know what you going to watch a car go around in a circle faster whatever like I’m not being defensive saying to our subscribers I think this is worth it
I didn’t know this is been on fucking Japanese jet train to fucking Funtown what time is it usually hit the beat know if 19 if its 9:19 right now
as soon as I get a good salad time to play DND for fuses for real ocean
my sister got the Motts matzo
how do I add how do you guys celebrate the Jewish festivals like like in full Jewish fashioned you guys would like really get like keep the the Chivas in the Shabbos and then whatever you call Shiva the shit I’m making things up I don’t know what I’m talking about the reason why people die
but you guys did you mean the Jews
yeah yes leave me what’s the Maccabi The Maccabees for the Army
it’s extra are you keeping something from us what does he know that I don’t know I don’t know
well I don’t think we ever learned about Dave Matthews Band which was the whole premise of rain Steve-O
what are what are you doing
they got the name cuz so David the bartender at this bar in downtown Mall Charlottesville it’s called Matthews bar everyone knew Dave cuz he’s a friendly guy and I was a local establishments like the drawing room there and
people play live music there and he started playing and getting all these musicians to play with them and they didn’t have a name for people love Dave and the band and they’re like oh you going to see Dave Matthews Band
you know that the and then attracts and now it’s stuck cuz I don’t have a name is like yeah you know Dave Matthews from Miller’s he’s his band’s play Dave Matthews Band and then you don’t think it was his plan all along ever said like maybe we should call it laser heaters and he was like organic Jeremy he was 16 people keep contemplating players 16 a dropped out of high school
I can’t do that man well he’s a millionaire
does he know about geometry
call Good Luck Good Luck algorithm good luck because he’s licensed Ants Marching Dave Matthews Band song for the finale of season 5 community and it’s probably the best use of the director Dave Matthews Band song outside of maybe I think it’s better than crash into me and Lady Bird but it was amazing moment for for for Greendale Community College everybody coming together as a perfect perfect perfect drops remember I remember doing that episode Dan
little bit I have some flashbacks
I remember the day we were there rap was going like okay then we watched the episode where you guys reference does the price has gone up because number one you need us number to you’re making fun of us
so I think that will be $8 a song now thank you very much and we were like
well how is one of the ass crack Bandit to be Dave Matthews after you had Ben Folds in there
I think that’s what the it cannot actually was was Dave Matthews
do you think is it what if we if we if we title the episode worst episode ever will will it then become the best episode ever because if it looks like well then they called it the worst episode ever we should title of the episode I feel like a bag of smashed assholes how’s it going I was going to go a cheap Epp but she pee pee pee. I wrote money is a river is frothy and then right next to it I’m not a cheap Epp I’m not you not I not you yeah Jeff never called you a TV now what was all that warrants why do I take Church knows that Night Ranger
you’re motoring motoring what’s your price for flight motor and was a guy that they knew I can’t believe that you thought Warren wrote that because they’re famous Hershey’s much I love them but they’re the worst well how about the great thing about the past is it all runs together like a big fucking sad pudding hell yeah we are thinking about you could remember everything and then they those people that have like crazy memory like they can’t avoid their memory like I got a parent Lee Marilu Henner’s one of them they’re so fucking sad they hate their lives because they can never forget how it felt to be a shity boyfriend or a on that fifth relationship in
Marilu Henner you wanna forget a friend that’s like waking up

that’s what pts he is I think the reason she doesn’t have a podcast is because two weeks around should still be remembering this episode where is I’m going to be like I don’t know maybe let’s have Duncan Trussell back fucking on thing I do yeah piece of shit
but I’m just saying like we think that was the only time that we realize that we can’t remember stuff we feel weak it’s like not being able to lift something so we go I wish I could lift everything but there are people who can lift everything memory there it’s kind of a bummer from Spencer and shrinks down one all caps willing animal yeah
how do I know that there’s consent from an animal to shrink that animal down if you have to ask I mean nevermind fair enough no I mean you’re a druid you can sense of animals what if it’s one of my Nature’s allies that probably love to be reduced by I have another question as well it wasn’t I almost dead. I never really think I was down to to hit points when you were as we crawled out the window of that of that Pub
and then I’ll be at my house and then we dragged what was his name the guy who drove to there was a guy at shambling Gary scary day everybody took us to a crack in the wall I specially want to let her rip
what are the biologists do what do you want to give us a proper Captain I’ll do it
last time on Harmon time our heroes went to Door Nestor on the Quest for patching the gym they were searching for information and they went to the Church of the body Temple and then another church to look for Clues and acting upon those Clues they went to the theater where they heard the name of one person drove so they went in search of that person and they caught him out with his pants down literally cuz he was in the bathroom they burst in in the bathroom causing a scene immediately and a near Riot as enemy combatants flooded into the magically dark-skinned bathroom until our heroes beat a hasty retreat with their Quarry in tow trying to extricate themselves from the mob they didn’t try her
enough and the mob was on their heels but then Chad shot fire and started a fire and then Carlos uses Soul or used his solar flare to cover their escape which was also aided by the random addition of a shambling mound
together they traveled to a pig farm and add hiding behind a broken collection of bits of wall they hunkered down with their still unruly unwilling hostage what would happen if I don’t know find out
wow so I’m making some green tea
if you guys want anyting thanks Gary shambling okay I’ll put the kettle on for work for 4 cups work out but I would adore a cup of tea thank you got one cup
22 can we make it an even 3 alright alright shrove it is like what do we have what happened are we is he locked up busy I don’t think he’s locked up I think Dan has had him kind of grappled to some extent I wanted I feel like I remember and if it’s only in my head like that I want to secure him I want to take a look at your him
what on a time up deal on rope you can have mine thanks
are you good at tying with this
as good as anybody else I’ll probably better than me just what I haven’t spent 10 years in a library so well and all Carlos is holding him I tie him up with my rope all right you do that
hell yeah
alright shrove
we are on the Quest for pageants Jim
I know you don’t know what his passion is Jim you probably just do it as a gym we got to go over this one more time and make no mistake about it there’s only one way you’re living through this and that’s if we get anything valuable from you at all
so you got to mix it up
if we’ve gone up and down the wrong road you going to just make shit up and you got to convince all of us and believe me that’s a lot of sense motive
that’s a lot of motive sensing
Gary Gary I think your tea is on
so here we go from the top
where’d you get that robe that Bloody robe it was in the theater it was in the prop box where a new new costumes and stuff are put in your opinion why would that make its way into the prop box at a theater
hey let’s go to one lemon lemon I’d love one another and get 5 cups
yeah yeah okay thanks maybe someone didn’t want it there like I do I don’t want this and then they didn’t know what to do with it who plays the new props in the prop box all just people it’s kind of like what people see in her people yeah but there’s not like distinguished Physicians let me let me just walk through a day in the life of a bloody robe I have a bloody rub I drop it off on the stoop of the theater Margaret grams it drops it in a box full of the mixture of clean half clean and blood encrusted close the people drop off on the stoop and of that box some of the actors pull it out used it as a scene in a in a theater performance some others pull it out and wash it so it could be used to the scene and then there’s guys like you prominent figures in the theater who decide to wear it and then sell it to a homeless
where you at now I gave it to a homeless guy who is notoriously naked in this town
I wasn’t wearing it I’m going to make some bread if you guys you guys hungry for bread drove do you like bread no no bread it’s okay I’m putting it on the nickel
yeah it is alright okay cool
I’m going to be going to take a sidebar with my with my friends
guys I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t know what I’m doing and I thought I think I do I need to talk to him now Gary thank you though thank you very can you give us a moment
Oh I thought you said we needed to talk my friends and I don’t I’m so appreciative of you so I’m not I’m not a front no it’s not that bread
you already made it even friend I gave you Brad this is my home ever give me for like work friends like this is a this is like the work issues that we have work work conversations to talk about urine urine urine drug to come talk to us thank you but away from I need to have a sidebar check pull the curtain what do you know about these townsfolk
what do I know yeah you know if they are okay when when they say they don’t really like like my kind of like the bread that I may take Carlos white what was the importance of the other buddy real because that was a real that maybe with being worn by one of the butcher who is Paddington Rowe shipped it off when they took his robe and then someone just took it back to the other day that you might be a collection box for the theater
alright well it didn’t give me a time for us to realize that says I thought you had a hot like you had a hot lead I didn’t I didn’t know what’s going on I thought I did to attend at the time not to be defensive but it seemed like everyone agreed I walked back out and torture of his and then I sit down with my tea and Ice a shrove like we’re sorry to get me to put you through the wringer on this one if if somebody was collecting any valuable gem is what where my where my the gym be taken in this town is it look like a like a place where the world like that might be fenced or taken to like soul in the black market or something like that if someone stole a jam it would they probably stole it for some reason like they had some plan of what to do with it no I haven’t I’m afraid I’m afraid I don’t listen for that so if you know anybody that we might be able to talk to that might know know the scoop on that I don’t know man I don’t know what you’re talkin about
donating a props
just you know the day players naked strip him naked to let you go but I’m looking at every fucking hot. Shows like the upper garments that bread is finished
what should be your friends making a bunch up your clothes around your waist cuz your hogtied or whatever you know like I don’t gamble in Maryland what are you there all of a sudden you’re how do I know what a dick looks like I had a hell of a sudden
what are you guys doing you didn’t meet us at a polo match we were dragging a bloody naked man down the street was good like let us finish our business or did you stop being a dick stop High Road okay well, at least he’s a coaster what is this goddamn start watering vigorously padding Down Show looking for anything on his body has broken his fucking but look at it is closed and is his stuff you find he’s he’s under his clothes he’s got a big tattoo on his back it looks like a crazy intricate like kind of like a Celtic tattoo like with you no symbols and an end kind of like glyphs and stuff but it kind of forms the crude shape of a dragon here we go here we go and also in his clothes he has a bag of
building full of beef jerky and a sack of some money and a harp I take that bag of holding
wait are you are you pissed are you a Bard I know I’m even my doctor I play music but you play the kind of music that raises the dead are you don’t raise the Dead with music I guess people could read it I’m not trained in The Bodyguard so much but I appreciate a nice harp to him can you can you what is the meaning of this dragon tattoo on your back o the system with Mark it’s just a birthmark you just happen to have a birthmark of a dragon on your back some people do
I’ve seen that symbol before tell us more Gary shambling it was I saw it in a book signing a book you find the book labeled the 13 dragonmarked houses here we go here we go b c d right here take a look at that the relevant law is that the members of the dragonmarked houses sometimes manifest dragonmarks are birthmarks in the shape of dragons that they they bestow magical Affinity but they they they’re like a bloodline sort of thing so they indicate a bloodline in these dragonmarked houses with run the Guild’s cuz he drew it at 2
if you could read at the house with his birthmark says you don’t know if he’s. So your dragon Mart know you speak the language of the guilds yeah well it’s like a code but yeah right if you can read this for us will give you read it for us all right it says the young one on the road outside of Rowan holds the purse top priorities the purse next top priority is killed them all Drop Point North 4 a.m. Polaroid 9 bowler and nines a day
did someone write this shit down Pearson realize I’m going to be parody of the younger one outside the road on Roan is the is the top priority the young one on the road outside the Rhone holds the purse now just for your memories were owns the starting Village right that’s what they’re there their this is the assignment that’s why they attacked us then we don’t want his passions so we have a document that told us that the thing was going to happen that already happened yeah and when they attack you you find a note to self go attack them all right keep going. Priority is the purse next top priority is killed them all got it drop point North like a location drop North
and you just 4 a.m. Oliver and I are just like a date and time and is it has that date and time come yet it’s that day and not that time
how far away is it from now where is Drop Point North
I’m not telling you what would it take for us to get you to tell us we got some nice bread
I’m not telling you guys will invest in your theater by any chance does your order have anything to do with Integrity honor that kind of thing yeah secrecy yeah so another words if if you were to betray your order you’d be a bad guy right generally yeah yeah so you’d rather get your throat slit protecting your order right
no are you lying no but you wouldn’t lie right because you have integrity right you’re not a common bunch of thugs you’re you’re you’re you’re genetically born like your your your your your your dragon born that’s it
did something marked Mart let me ask you this if it came to a choice between lying about flipping loyalties because some of your brethren had gone very bad and protecting your bread bad Brethren and paying for them with your life what would be the more honorable dragonmarks thing to do
all you want I just want to let you know hang out just live my life you want to hang out and not tell us who these guys are like we don’t know who these guys are innocent young man whose only job was to protect this gem you’re not on the right side of History here your be like I’m sorry but that’s why you have two gold pieces I have a good night and I got five you’ve done nothing but pretend to be someone else aren’t you tired of living a lie I belong to the Church of the silver flame I’m just trying to redeem this Countryside I’m trying to do something right for the purifying flame before I die I we we ran across this lad he had a gym he was supposed to protect it we were assassinated we were waylaid by horrible Baxter
dishonest Bandit steak do you Ally with them or the rest of the world yeah kind of that’s our whole town or a bunch of Ruffians and thieves and brigands and stuff it’s not great but that’s that’s what we got man I use intimidate really he has a check but no thing what’s your charisma.
I don’t know 7
-200 boy you don’t you don’t you’re not convincing well I mean it’s dark it’s dark and muddy it’s dark and muddy and a pig farm my hand up to catch fire bolt I think it look like it’s coming out of my mouth like a dragon tiger dragon fire Fireballs to make it look like it’s coming out of my mouth to impress him what does dragonmark Guild saying it looks like it’s coming out of your mouth or your shit yeah I thought you’d like that because I’m driving and I cuz well draconic whatever you fucking what it whatever you like I don’t like that I take I take Gary shambling us
okay if you’ve done you’ve done enough we just have to make sure we we knew everything you need and we’re just going to relax and have some tea okay do you want to give our friend and shrub some tea and do you have anything a little help them how well do you have anything a little help and tell the truth and or do you have anything at all just kill him I’ve got some vinegar and some solvents alright we can light some candles okay I thought maybe Chamblee mounts were more like I don’t know I thought for a second
might have some laxatives
I could mix it with my vinegar
all right let’s just kill this fucking guy you got none of my living room let’s just kill him while he’s if he’s if he’s left alive he’s going to go he’s counter to our mission to go warn the rest of that there’s no point in this note and that’s because he doesn’t side with us he sides with these people that will let me suggest something can’t leave them alive why don’t you just leave him here tied up until after the drop point time and date I don’t want to offend you Gary shambling but I I question your ability to maintain a hostage situation I don’t know if that’s what you’re going out for your shambling and your amount
ivarest monster I mean we’ve got a lot of work to do in a short amount of time and I think we should just step on his head until he’s dead he’s been a terrible pain in the ass he’s withheld information you’re a terrible pain in the ass. I was just taking a shit
listen you had your chance to assess things and judge people you’ve been bettered and now you’re about to die that’s how it is you have to listen to a stay out of it. You know you guys are nice I think you’re cool you drank my tea and he had some bread
made a little bit of a mess I guess I’ll clean it up but
you can’t kill him in my living room he can’t kill him my living room I don’t know haunted where is your type I summon nature that I summon Nature’s Allied summon squid thank you honey thank you very much. I think you haven’t you some of that nature Valley already put the I don’t think you have to do you going to take a giant squid shrink it down cuz I can shrink down animals I was going to put it like in his mouth around his butt and I met was going to make the worst right like Wrath of Khan live put the bug in the guy is here. Let me make a suggestion would you consider a shambling mound and animal Gambling Man on just like a it’s like an elemental or something exactly strike me down no no it doesn’t count as an animal
it’s pretty fucking called Morning Star
outside with the pigs I don’t want to I don’t want like a haunted theater person in my living room I have to I have to I have people over this is where I work I work out of my home it’s a my roommates about to come home who’s your roommate my breast monster
give me restaurants that have a rest monster
it’s part of my character that I’m unable to control myself at this point because I’ve I’ve I’ve got a lot of toxic shame in me I feel undermined by my own church and then why don’t you take some of your energy and your self plus one all right and he leaps up and tries to dodge out of the way and as he does so you realize that the ropes were tied really Loosely and he was kinda he wasn’t entirely bound so it kind of gets out of the Regals free of the Rope but in doing so is weighing in the head by you for three damaged by you pass the tests you passed the test
I open the window and I try to get out like a bird like trapped in the house sleep after getting hit in the stomach
my I start whacking him with my quarterstaff all right
but not legally we’re just right like you’re just trying to just trying to bruise him up some all right you hit them but not not substantially doesn’t take any damage
get out get out you don’t want to tell us where the Drop Point North is you guys are the worst in a round of the pig farm of the shambling mound with a guy that probably has nothing to do with it yeah we are the words to want us to try to keep you alive go run out the window I do really bad about firing here to talk about it later I have a really great play about horses and gold pieces that him
what what how many three really hard like at his head cuz I feel bad but I’m also don’t want to disrespect my Elder you miss it breaks it breaks the window broke the window water rings we got to go we have to go find Drop Point North right now is not the thing that pitch
we abandon the Quest for vengeance gem you guys do remember that crazy lady that burnt down the church originally is at home of the thing about Labor Banner the gargoyle has from the beginning don’t help me I don’t want it
wait a minute
I have an idea what was that one thing
I had no use for it but maybe you guys could that I found this map
I take the map it’s a it’s an old map it has like ripped edges and is like burnt edges like his from the past and I read it yet Britain and England I can only speak what language is in Guild speak again so I can read it can you read Guild speak know I’ve only can read shambling that’s why I’m giving it to you it’s pretty clear to me that we have fucked up in this town and we shouldn’t leave what should we just stake out the props box and see who’s dropping stuff are you out of your goddamn mind child we have fucked up in this sound wait like everyone knows what we look like we’ve attacked a popular man what where do we go back to two
I just wonder the fuck out of here I we fucked up we can’t do her is patches you hear whatever happened to the music and walking around trying to go back to Rome with our tail between our legs no Jam no nothing when we don’t even know what alternate pitch speaks to you it speaks through burning destruction is one man’s construction the silver flame burns from the center of the earth outward it creates inferno’s wherever you have constructed false realities perhaps we have spent this campaign learning that we need to wonder
the realm while he’s talking I close my eyes but I using my little eye mark on my forehead that I never use I I can still see him this is it this is an opportunity for us we can’t go back to work we fucked up we can’t we can’t even freelance we fucked up we could wander and we could do good for the church freelance
what does if we have to walk into maybe new dungeons that we didn’t fuck up and forget where we were going get on the road can I never look back who’s patch and headed to the Stars has Jim down the road maybe maybe we meet passions and find the gym but that’s not hard fucking for all we know we’re going to do something so cool give me one second that that that that that package is going to end up being wherever he is his guide oh my God I got my gym back I have a feeling that’s what we’re destined for bigger things bigger things well I can cancel a couple of meetings and I have this afternoon and and pack a bag you don’t fuck it let’s do it
what do you know what do it I got a broken window Winters, I’ll bring it back and I never been more excited in my life I’ve never felt more positive about someone else’s Janice about the adventure ahead
all right hats hats on all right everybody gets one everybody gets a hat felt it is now behind the Velvet
the evacuate earth right view vacuum cleaners
By Any Other Name
how about had Squad how about
Steelheads know yeah we got our whole adventure to come up with a big mistake by trying to come up with their whole brand do they find out what the brand new home for the silver flame leads us to a druidic trance and I try to talk and communicate with the with the god of the silver flame Spencer
what what’s the what’s the what’s the the the spirit we talked to the girl that’s kind of like the embodiment of the silver flame I forget are you talking about when you pray and then you kind of like communicate with with a certain voice of the silver flame
there’s that young woman that Ray originally like merged with the silver flame itself the flame
it’s Daphne the kidding I’m kidding I’m kidding that’s ice I do that sometimes we are but humble servants failed in our attempts to please you and to purify this land of evils
we seek
that was just at the shop waiting to see if I hear any guidance or give us give us like a first stop on this on this new like this new line and adventure and and and and conquest of evil food throughout your domain
do you don’t you don’t really get any sense out of here let’s just go away from the town where were wanted by then I was just in the pawn shop just let’s just get out of here just because it lets up hats on shambles we got we got the gem shops and then will we can meet you will meet you at the rub yeah let me just check them out sometime Steve’s try to pawn up there stuff you alright well we’ll meet you by the internet lesson in San Francisco will head north north okay I will meet you at will meet up with you go check those gem shops all right let’s go let’s get the fuck out of here
we’re in big trouble so we can we just we just left diarrhea Junior behind the pawn shop Spencer I’m going to the pawn shops all right he kept you go to the pawn shop there’s not a pawn shop so much as there is a guy with a guy scuse me
so much as there is a guy with a merchant stall full of garbage and ship hay Merchant guy do you got any gems
nah man gems are expensive and they’re not very useful that’s we don’t really get that kind of stuff around here who does get that kind of stuff
I don’t know man like
investors like rich people where do I find the rich people not here man this is Portersville but where’s the Bridgeville all over the universe site imagine
DJ or on the road or another place I could look for a someone selling gems
where do people go to sell their jams people can go wherever they want you know maybe they’ve maybe they make agreements with people to buy and sell germs and then they go in accordance with those arrangements very non-specific all right or is it very specific me to give any cool things I can buy yeah man it’s out what is it it’s a magical spray hell yeah what is it due and knocks you out these phrases into your eyes cheese
all right
thinking about you think everybody so much let’s hear me Steve Levy diarrhea Junior clearly going to be waylaid by some garbage dealer I wanted to thank I not just grab cash from a country music but also the music I’m playing right now by a fellow named Nick Vandenberg Who provided lots of music for a harmontown throughout the months and years when is it thank you for him again and give me a shout out of everybody
the one and only run across a shout out to about a shout out to the Happy New Union of crispr up and Sarah Hill are newly wed congratulations man. They got married at Temple of the Church of cars Chrysler Kevin Day the only got everybody here right I think so much dry fast take chances of Jeff Davis her, tell her you’re mayor Dan Herman Spencer Crittenden your game master see you all next time we love you Rod is going to dances out for sampling Mount know he’s a shambling mound got to get the channel in man and he’s going to come back on harmontown your cross Chapel child
he made himself a character on The Campaign Trail and Steve Levy got objected because he didn’t want to leave him here in San Leandro


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