Episode: 311 – Twenty Sides of Booty


Episode: 311 – Twenty Sides of Booty


Dan and Spencer swap roles, with Dan taking the role of Dungeon Master. Spencer auto-tunes himself, becoming a robot from a magical land. Jeff immerses himself in a Vietnam era character. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis and Spencer Crittenden.


catch a how do you get a gun
thank you give me my plugin
how’s things it’s not always like awesome popcorn inheriting love
what you say we love it
all right
exactly keep her up there in the booth how’s it going man giving up his back to man with
the guy who make the sound good if it’s not good it’s not Zach fault
because Zach rules
today’s date May 19th
from nearby downtown Los Angeles
please give it up for the hardest-working game master in town Spencer Crittenden
LMAO, Tabitha Jan Harmon
456 Center building door
Perez Raymond I was still on Ford do you want on 2626
fuck your mama with dicks
ain’t no hate
when I fucking your mom
my name is Talking Tom like the fuc
always when I’m hard
with yarn
so I can your mom heart
summer in the front yard I’m going to fuck her in the street can’t be beat
purpose of the son fucking mom has his job number one everybody’s mom
the 10
fuck your mama
all right I was going to take phlegm and then I was like that it’s going to get gross and then aren’t you thankful to me you could see on my face he’s not enjoying this and then you think like probably wise do is not very entertaining but then the last spot should be
look at them look at them but it was like it was kind of a half baby kicking down
treasure treasure treasure season
this is going to be a fucking awesome season because Spencer has it all the hard work and all we did was just goof off its and I think the guests for amazing it’s going to have you been moved backwards I’ve been every week I’ve been withdrawing one in so just like I’ll be announced and I’ll just walk in and then walk out and take my place
you got your ear further afield than you normally are ya want me to update myself we’re just sure there’s a there’s a rhyme to the reason I’m sure in a reason for the season I’m sure the president committed treason I’m sure diseases cause lesions
Thanksgiving can’t be beat the fuck your mama and her feet put the turkey on a plate Indians Pilgrim hate
put it aside sit down at a table make it wide eat the gravy
weave wavy
every time like you were lose before the beat came on you were you were you were Spitting Fire before that we came on you you don’t listen to that beat it’s like a little but you got to be my what don’t call my bluff would he keep One in the Chamber as soon as I can five-point you were then we’re ready to go
I was so exhausted I saw I saw you at the drawing room today I went in there to get my work done for Rick and Morty for the 4 before we eat with James whatever his name is that one of the writers from the show and sat down there and completely like work on a script but you actually were doing hard Rick and Morty work there at a bar I would like to fix it a little bit and I wasn’t that I wasn’t so I mean I don’t I don’t actually experienced a great deal of it I only had one drink and then and then and then I open the laptop when I was like I’m so I’d like you should do this as a professional
it’s kind of like tired
and then I and then I and then I finished up and I had a couple more drinks Cody came by and then I went home and I went to bed and I woke up like an hour ago and and I’m just a little tired
one of only got 65 more episodes to go yeah what are we grateful for I got my health I got my career I got Cody I got Cody I got you got a new video game that you spend more time with anybody else I got I got no man’s sky is what you’re referring to
I meant I got mixed feelings you know I’m enjoying playing no man’s sky right now
I’m concerned that I’m going to stop enjoying it but that doesn’t seem like a fair thing did not enjoy about a game
that’s not fair to the game you can’t call that a negative thing I’m enjoying it right now and keep playing it but I looked ahead as it were I kind of like I typed in no man’s Sky automation cuz I was like what am I doing all this crap where I’m going over to be did get get to watch it to itself and I answered no no you can run around collecting minerals forever
you’re never going to get to just like make a machine that feeds into another machine and then puts it all into it. Chaste I want to play Minecraft again
it sounds like fancy Minecraft Minecraft in space it’s like taking a lot of boxes that should excite me a lot it does excite me a lot of Minecraft in space I want to understand that I just want a game where you can you just go into an infinite universe and you you would go around and you could you use mine resources and then you you you you you craft stuff and then you can store it in in chest like what why is that game 15 years old now. How come nobody can replicate it I play all these kind of like Minecraft ask games they just they don’t compare I don’t get it
did you miss your Minecraft that guy still know where it is I can find it a little tired of it after a while I’ll take six months off of it but then I’ll end up going back to it eventually it’s weird to me I don’t know like a relationship
all right well so if you didn’t answer that before you asked are you
play guy I like the times when people ask are you okay like that they mean you’re not okay or something like like so I simply just fatigued yeah I couldn’t even more transparent forthcoming with that information I like LED with it is it at the risk of bringing the entire audience came out here paid good money risks robbery on the sidewalk and and so I tried to be honest that’s all I have is my truth so I’m like yeah I’m a little tired little exhausted don’t let you know I don’t want to say that I don’t feel like being here that would be a rude thing to say to people that felt like being here but we have a surprise because tonight is it too early to announce what we’re going to do for the finale of the show when we got to win them back we’re going to get these people because I was in the mood to play some D&D for it for all y’all and
but for the first time because Spencer has also exhausted and rightfully so from doing harmonquest he didn’t bring any with materials so it tonight Dan is going to be dungeon master and Spencer and I are going to play that d and e together
do you think you got what it takes right now to go to to be a dungeon master
where is Spencer theme
I just wanted to sit down yeah is this how you usually keep the microphone what do you mean is it likely you taller than me I’m Hunter
I’m kind of doing that yeah
don’t you ever wanted to be a little lower I do that’s why I bend it down lower right it’s this is a silly way to have a mic it’s blocking half your face that’s what I like about it
you know what I got going on back there most of the time a hard-on an AIDS ants
my faith a little bit of a backpack
Spencer what are you grateful for you I’m grateful for friends and fun and food
a food oh man you guys holy shit we were in New York I got this banana pudding at this place called Magnolia Bakery it was so good I went back I bought two more banana pudding it was so good I went back home there is a Magnolia Bakery in LA and I went back to more
does so good in the fridge
yeah and there was two banana puddings and one for me and one for church maybe there was two in every for a church that was very sweet of you. It’s so good and you can make it yourself because I have the recipe
next next harmontown I want you to bring enough banana pudding for everybody all right that’s easy enough all right what kind of characters are you interested in playing today gentleman what is Jeff one you’re the game master and yeah Spencer your what kind of class are fans all had died in the old days I mean I’ll just I’ll just roll them in my mind
I’ll be rolling in my mind that’s Billy Ocean
Giants and I’m Rollin Rollin in my mind
every time
now we’re talking about shit
oh thank you sir what’s your name
Greg everybody Greg a stoner I know this is my this is my first time here really are you a game master or just a game player just a game player Edition game with my friends and I’m going to join us Wednesday game like coming up next week
I mean we are using your number right now we should keep you up here what kind of character do you like to play or would you like to play I could be a cleric okay damn what do you want to be Jeff I never do this I want to go I’ve never done this like a straight-up fighter I want to go Warrior Spencer can I be a thief yes oh yeah oh yeah right
me as a warrior
Spencer as a thief Rogue dramatic tension during your campaign in my head it’s now loading compiling you tip if if you attack an enemy you gain experience
oh it’s I did that’s a load screen
alcohol whenever you’re ready I’ll give you the expense of seemed so you can you can do the thing or do you want to do you want to talk this out for a bit but it’s probably best to just before I can really think about this I think cuz what am I going to do but make it good throughout history were in famine
this war-torn famous Realm
the hazard center of population in the dead middle of it bustling thriving City
call Sid topless
men and women and non-binary do unicorns and clothes from clotheslines and a Pursuit other acts of happiness
berendo middle of two mission to Horizon for this normally peaceful realm for Tribbles find themselves locked in a dungeon in the town hall for crimes which they can’t even talk about yet
Blue Apron
oh yeah
okay yeah so basically you guys are in your in our man you’re in this jail cell
there’s like bars and stuff looks like so many bars it’s like it’s like so Jaylee helmet how many bars man
used to juice that there’s about 12 bars
it’s easier right I am a warrior and I go up to the bars and see if I can try to bend them with what with my strength okay see you guys see that the other big Warriors it’s going up to the bars and he’s just as he’s trying to bend the bars but you guys don’t know each other you you you you all three just woke up about 20 minutes ago
and now this this this orc Fighters just bending at the at the bars you find them and movable
my name is Tom
hum tum
Tom Tom Tom Tom Tom Tom just call me Tom
These Bars removable
hi Tom I’m Lars
Laura Stevens and I’m a cleric
use some of your magic to get me out of this day off I have a baby to feed oh wow that’s crazy
my name is Trace but
Tres but yeah
Trace button you you you notice
with your the jail cell with your Thief chasing you you see at the bottom of every other one of the bars is it is a tiny Rune at the bottom of these bars are runes
Mystique guys he says that
can I use my knowledge of magics to determine if their magical rooms you detect so much
Peter standard room Sprout from the magic Guild of the of the Lord’s over this realm of magic activities they’re basically like just start of containment ruins so basically like the song that still sell people whether or not to turn invisible in here it would it would it would it or not let you or it would alert somebody or like maybe like in a pool when you try to pee and it it was there with you like stained you yeah you just get their security ruins that’s no good
oh man what are you doing we can’t use magic to get out of here I think or if I we do it’ll alert the guards okay I can try though
what if one of these locks look like one of the locks look like on the on the bar on the door or the
The Lox new look like nothing to you because they lock from the other side damn clever know you’ve been in jail cells before and you you you you you you you like like the casing for it you kind of know it’s it’s it’s pretty heavy-duty stuff it’s like good Aunt I see flock this is my worst enemy hey good lookin
okay this guy comes over this guy comes over he’s like he’s got Fox pelts all over his shoulders he’s got a wooden Crown let’s blood-stained he’s wearing spectacles what are the lenses in his spectacles is a dark green the other is is no glass at all it’s just it’s just a hole there she is wearing high-heeled shoes and entering two swords and he’s got he’s going to key ring on his belt and gravy all over his chin he gives you a very intimidating look at you you remember once he looks at you as your memory comes back that this is the this is the guy that sentenced you his name is Judge Doom I don’t know
don’t look at that locks beef or I’ll put you in a cell that you’ll never get out of
what what why what cell would say it’s a cell called death but you asked I thought that’s where you were headed but I wasn’t sure so we do have strictly like a harder to get out of cells here but that’s for like a class criminals for El Chapo is attacked the way you acted last night how was that
oh I do owe you answers
I’m trying to talk talking about where’s the where’s the where’s the squid where’s the squid ink if you don’t know where you’re an outsider if you’re asking about splitting can you run outside of that means you’re an investigator
and he starts and he saying that he reaches for a nap in a pouch and he pulls out you guys see that there’s a free visit and you won’t need to save for mental magic no no okay

nearest seafood sticks to the side and hold your breath did you hear this isn’t your first time at the at the at the gas attack Rodeo but Tom Tom Tom and shyt what was her most control your thoughts anymore you start you start you start thinking a weird shit about you see you see an image of a ship you see a mountain with a with a with a church on top of it inside the church ostensibly although you know you can’t you don’t know you just using the kind of eisenstein principles of your memories as a cookie the inside of a completely different church but you saw as the church and then you’d now you see me inside
how do you see blood and you see this judge Doom at the front of it laughing and then you treat but these guys just like they fall down and they’re unconscious and then they don’t wake up for at least an hour or so if there’s things you want to do while they’re asleep so what’s the judge doing them is he still hanging out I mean you know what I should
I mean he okay he can well now he he he he he notices that it doesn’t affect you but it didn’t take with you I’m holding my breath and then he’s like he’s like you’re not worth it and you walks away sorry
sorry it’s fine
got to go refill this squid now a Hitman and he and he hallway lined with stone and he goes through of what you can hear you can’t see it from here but you’re using your Thief chasing and sticks to notice it’s probably a very large wooden door with many locks on it all of them remaining unlocks but you can just hear the like the clanging and you know your your teeth ears are going like right now there’s a lot of fun and I’m trying to count of steps to to you you put them in about you put that door in about 30 feet away from the from the cell door just around a kind of jagged Corner as if there’s like so all you know is that there’s a there’s a hallway and then it comes around and then there’s this the cell there’s no cells next to it and then they did that Hall
play that would it ends at a dead-end like right out in front of yourself there’s a table there with candles on it is a torch above that weird redundancy but and there’s a there’s some there’s some stuff on the on the table but is there anything in the cellar anyting the cell has two benches
and no windows and so like I don’t have any tools or anything cuz I’m prison burlap a robes there it seemed like standard issue but Lars and I are still asleep for an hour right yeah so that you did all that to do anything else you want to know I’m saying I mean I can’t really try and pick the lock of my hands I’ve assumed the crazy I mean you can get you you know you you you try to do you have we revealed what races we are I’m an orc Warrior
I’m an elf can I be a warforged a robot man
got it. Said that I sound like a robot.
You are up here over warforged of crazy too intricate Clockwork man from those tracks are made of metal and cigs so you do have powers that other humans don’t have even when you’re naked to make it a lot
you do that and a button and you if you successfully you are functioning but it you’re unable to pick this lock with your finger a locksmith
only for the time being though it says it’s just a failure in that sense the door immediately as soon as you start leaving looking at that lock let alone pick in the shed and judge Doom comes comes back because I
I told you the first time not to fuck with that lot yeah I know I’m not yeah
what are you doing with your finger this is just normal oh man you must have really broke my finger you know how these models can be yeah well that’s sad totally convincing
for the mother hen like people up these guys up you successfully wake Tom Tom Tom up earlier than he would have woken up where at where is Lars continues to sleep
I don’t know what to do that cuz I feel like you know we could just wait it out
seriously I have a I have sensed a weakness in the one of the walls and then in this cell
she successfully convinces you that that’s true
used metal punch
and I punch the West Wall of it because I feel I’ve been scratching it like riding kicking off the days that we’ve been there and I and I feel like if it does the plaster or the wood it would have used to make that walls little weaker than the other walls and I use metal punch I believe in him I give it everything I have you hurt your hand
Lori says keep it up long as you are now awake you had a dream about a bloody Church yeah but don’t pay attention
will you mentions that Bloody Church Trace but you you because you didn’t sleep good because he had the the image you start putting something together you feel like maybe you actually know these guys do you remember that you came to this town together and that you were you were you were coming here for some reason to that had to do cuz when he says bloody church do you like what man oh man oh man you guys hear the distant crowds cheering against so distant they might have been there the whole time doing things other than cheering but now they’re cheering so loud that you hear them for the first time the door opens the same door as before a Judge Judy come out all right
Fox you’re ready to feed the head know if you were ready hahaha Jiggles these these squid headed like priests come in and they’re wearing robes they kind of look like you you time time time you you recognize them you recognize them his mind flayers there a psychic monsters Ascension though they’re not monsters in the sense that they can’t vote and stuff like there there there there there there people there they just look horrible and they like to kill people
they’re probably the heroes of their own stories but you know their works are terrified of them because they they’re particularly susceptible to their psychic attacks but you know that you’re not operating in a penalty or anything like that but you know they can fuck you up so judge Doom is like all right time and he nods at one of the Mind flayer guys and they gesture at the Lock and it clicks in the cell door opens this is sold or can open your open so if you guys want to do we run for it
can we run for it
I think we run for it but we run together how many my players are there
how many hours to inject it to him he can see you guys thinking about running I got to hide in the corner
you’re going to in the sound yeah you do a passable job of hiding in the corner of a cell so I know you’re over there
it’s pretty impressive how concealed you are over there thank you for showing me your skills are you I’m glad you’re in there yeah just our prison Garb you just wearing burlap sacks you have you have what’s called a holdout dagger in your rectum it’s very dull but it’s like you come from a tribe of Warriors that you at puberty that was inserted it stays up there for most of your life it’s it’s honestly more of a ceremony and also use my knife sharpened to toothbrush overtime and how to hack attack on one of the one of the guards I can’t let you pretend that you created a toothbrush I’m not going to let
you got spent one night but that brown but I just I’m calling the toothbrush out of balance and I kind of like well hold on cuz it was one it’s one action to do that and then I rolled for it and you do such a bad job of know but it’s actually kind of good news because you’re such a bad job of getting the dagger out of your ass and that you just he doesn’t know you have one yet so you just like digging all the way up your ass and it looks like your agency he’s like Orcs
are perfect I am racist
I hate all Races and then and then you see him look over at one of his mind players who didn’t seem to react but he’s like he’s like whatever
I’m getting politics
I hate identity politics
all right so I’m going to run for it cuz he wants to get a rise out of people I guess
identity politics paletas dagger or try to act like it’s like he’s like his own puppet but she bites your hand is still up your ass so I would actually let you dig another hole Brian you I pretend that I’m sleep I think the video
no sleep and get up you feel a stab of Otherworldly pain in your frontal lobe
you got the psychic attacked I got psychic attacks and your brain constitution of hurts voice Whispers in your brain there will be more pain with these guys
you hear a voice from a from a from a mostly concealed shadow in the corner of the cell saying that I trust them
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limit to that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film looks like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
I cast inflict light wounds on one of the Mind flayers
the ancient holy you you never lay your hands upon the nearest buying flare and it reacts with searing pain as you cook it like so much calamari
the Mind flayer fall back to the wall spewing blood from its nose which is underneath its tentacle mouth but you as soon as I know is under there is blood coming out
I think we can win and you’re next if you don’t back off
psychic squid people do you want something done right, he comes he comes at Lars with drawing his sword he’s doing a too-short attack
oh shit my message with one antenna grazes your arm with the other
doing a moderate amount of damage your arm so it’s not that big a deal in the grand scheme cuz it’s like if your arm was a body it would be it would have been hitting its arm your arms arm is hurt but you’re okay. Keep your ass out of the box so I can take out my ticket poop weapon and describe a rather blunt for four and a half inch ceremonial dagger that was inserted into your ass hole when you turn the 12 in your orchard Village
it was sharper back then
but it was never so sharp that it tore flash so it’s really like it so it’s a weapon that is mostly used by the Elders of your tribe to terrorize the children because adolescent words are very difficult to manage so they have these rituals that they use to focus your aggression on the outside world weapon focus and throw it at the what’s his name he will make it worse Target because again is a very ones nice I’ll just tell you that like your lure in your tribe understands it in a few stories where and work actually has to use these things the most effective use of them is as is as an assist in melee like like a punching cuz it’s so dull but it’s it’s it’s sharper than a
fighter I would let you throw it but I’m just recommend you don’t throw it in a guy with any armor but the Mind flayer just squid people in Rhode I appreciate your top to the throat in a stab with my blunt poop weapon into his life into his midsection do you karate chop with one hand and then midsection with the outfit is very so well
your your your your chop goes wide and so and then your your your bluntness tab mrs. I’m sorry as I wanted to. I want you to be rolling better it’s hard to show you you you you miss myself at the Mind flayer hoping to tackle his ass yes it’s not a critical fail but you do a poor job of Leaping from the shadowy corner
yeah that is a robot FIFA kind of clumsily Jangles out of the corner and lands at the feet of the Mind flayer say it was a trick I was on your side now you guys are going to die shut up no one of the main players you see him squint and look at Tom Tom Tom but nothing happens the remembered his his his ex-girlfriend is massively wounded and against the wall but he’s you see him like doing some it looks like he’s healing himself a thing
he does a really good job of attacking TomTom time but you better subtract 7 from that he owed am okay alright you guys can go ahead start with Tom Tom Tom I do a Power Attack at my clothes at you right now you are closest to judge Doom straight didn’t try to check him out okay his throat with the with the efficiency of a
animal at Bay from the stories of animals with hands from your childhood
Guided by special magnets in a novelty sculpture though of someone’s choking someone in his windpipe with with with with with with magic like Efficiency do you realize you have his life at your mercy you need only please doodle snuff him out for a tech squeezed his windpipe
even if you let go you can’t breathe he’s she’s so sad and in such pain this is what your actions have brought
crawling to you large like
what do you say something I’m just punishing him verbally
does he have any items that looks billable times have the Jaguars you can you can go see Trace by if you want to do something what does he see any items on his person that I could like immediately grab like within a short. Of time visible objects are he has a pair of shimmering slightly glowing gloves made of a very fine chainmail that are draped over his belt he has an extra sword on the on the on the back he man style he’s got those Fox pelts that you noticed upon closer inspection the kind of life
take the sword and throw it to TomTom some you grabbed the sword off the back of the dying man and robots do this this or do you want to try to catch it I tried to catch you do so with like a Globetrotter
hell yeah I’m going to go grab a Coke I’ll be right back the sword that I use them a matter of catching a sword and swing around and kill the final mind flayer okay
also this sword has like some strange Magic Properties you you hear a voice in your head as you strike saying Flash and there’s like the wounds that you caused that you cleave the
mother mine player in half at the it is at his hips it is at the wound is is cauterized with a strange orange glow but it’s it’s not a healthy thing cuz it starts to eat the flesh away the body continues to start disintegrating it and it has both halves as it as it as you watch it you still have time to grab any is like his robes but it hasn’t it’s just he’s slowly just disappearing so yeah I know he’s at a disadvantage he’s only just a live my player what’s your God
if I get your fingers out in a manual display of the symbol from your fingertips and feet and legs pattern dancing through the air and connecting with the face and genitals of the Mind flayer he shrieks and Agony is through all of your brains trying as hard as he can to hurt you with his thoughts as you get all you successfully does his share with you what he’s thinking is he dies which is all got Daphne gaslighting that’s what they called castling is what it was doing to her and he dies
nice job guys I loot the bodies you find yourself wondering what what was that relationship about
why’s it got a bad I mean to the east technically alive the judge Doom but he’s not he’s not he’s not going to finish him off he’s going to continue living and he can barely speak he’s turning purple he’s dying what did you have against us in the first place
I give him a pen and paper
can I heal him like a little bit just so we can talk to his normal later okay he’s like cure light wounds okay you do that you carried that just a just a tip of his light wounds
is what I was saying I was saying I am I guess you trying to Grapple him are you grab them okay I mean you’ve got you’ve got them Securities now. You did a good job of a just he just he focused his healing on his trachea. But he’s like you even even done a kind of cruel thing where he’s he’s he’s he’s he’s been able to draw in like 5% less oxygen with each breath that it will take him to tell you to keep him alive so he’s like still in a Perpetual state of Suffocation play Dying agencies keys keys do torturing him he’s tortured that guys don’t know we’re good
anyone that imprison somebody without due process has a very good person truly anyone who allies with mine flares needs to be killed and he faces and stuff so we’re here. I got I want to die but I don’t want to lose you I’ll just hang out at the High
the robot pokes out his eye with his middle finger
please stop playing anymore I hate dying in pain but I don’t know if you’re going to kill me please if you’re not going to kill me please heal me more so I can when I pick him up by the ankle hold him upside down and
look I am trying to get in my black eye to eye but my arm is long enough to buy the belt by the belt so now he’s upside down.
how do I say where is the squid ink
you know that I would I know that
who is this tank out of his pouch like Rising around you remember that or maybe you don’t remember and maybe your better role-player then I am cuz you eat if you have a faint memory of he’s got a little wriggling squid in that in that bag Brandy squeeze it in his mouth that could be useful my world mine tells me the pouch is quitting the squid ink of knockout knockout is there anything on that desk that’s a scandal to hats and a drawer
1 Hat is like a tall hat like two foot tall hat I take off what’s his name
do I take out Judge Doom’s outfit like I’m going to like dress up like him to sneak out but then I just got you know it’s just funny if I leave him naked and I just and I like his clothes on fire so he’s not just naked you could have had him be naked and also take his clothes I gave him I gave him my to Goodberry’s
no thank you
did you get good berries
they were there in the secret compartment in the hilt of the anal dagger yeah ritual is a desert village practices it in its roots it’s actually a really wonderful thing but it’s just become so corrupted and it’s just about oppression or a like it’s it’s really just about scaring kids are there other prisoners in the jail so yeah so we got what we wait we look for the are you guys you guys took those took those hats the candles are in your work sack or no you don’t have an exact you just scooped them up in your arms and they they kind of go out and burn you with wax but you’re holding Six Candles hell yeah
all right you guys head around that that hallway and they said there’s a 8 ft tall 4 ft wide giant door with six laps on it but all of them unfastened oh hell yeah this is our lucky day yeah let’s continue onward Trace but goes to the door you open it yeah she opens the door the door is it room it’s white with white walls in a white ceiling there’s a hole in the ceiling that’s a square below the square is a beach wood table finally containing all of your items in three separate piles one for each of you and there’s a there’s a door in the north wall oozing with green slime it it it’s got out of the little doorway a little love
watching it and yeah there’s dead by daylight that’s a skylight above the door nice all your items you you have them all right I sent on top of the Beech wood tables Lars Trace but I will use my like my own strength to get myself here I’ll be on the bottom cuz I’m the most sturdy I’ll lock my joints
all right so I got on top of that race but Laura’s you want to climb on top of me I climb up to the top and I can’t reach the the hole on top of you can reach the whole tube of it you can do that it’s like it’s like a whole to a beach is it big enough for me to get the square hole climb up and look for a rope to a beautiful is it there is a notion it’s a crystal clear blue ocean and yeah you pull yourself up there’s a you hear seagulls and a strange distant sound but you’ve never heard before in the distance so I guess just a strange kind of like humming or sirs or something there’s a there’s a big forest and end up in a road
Pebbles you remember they looking for like a rope or something is that stuff I throw you the Rope OK robot throws that throws a real pop around will just hold it for you it’s not polite to ask what are you are you having the clearance pull you up or is that he’s looking for a tree to tie the top of a transport to I climb up the Rope you you you do that
I got to find a rock you secure the Rope to it and you pull Trace but you’re hot when you’re finally able to pinpoint the source of the sound you look and you see the strangest sight it’s a dragonfly made of armor and glass but it’s wings are are not wings at all there if they’re like us they’re like javelins that are rotating around its a helicopter
please come flooding back to you when you see it the three of you met in Vietnam
you’re having flashbacks you remembering what happened to you you weren’t you were part of an experimental drug torture operation adopted by the Vietcong financed by the Soviet Union you were prisoners of war and end and you were you were you were you were you were these things are drifting your eyeballs and and and that’s the last thing you remember what do you not realize that your your captain captain dander pants is in the helicopter and your future your pilot Murdock is is is it is it the stick their their lowering a ladder down here you can you should come on come on kiddo Dandy paint play what the fuk happened to you what the fuck you’re a real
oh I don’t know I guess you feel like you’ve had this whole life is a cleric and that you don’t know what the helicopters but you have more memories from a life where you know what a helicopter is more of a relationship with that identity this is the soldier from Vietnam but I can detect magic still yeah you can totally and there’s no magic on his helicopter it’s like technological ready you you feel you feel the large part of you kind of receding almost as if it’s it it requires you to believe it’s real in order to be real but it’s like currently still pretty real cuz you just spent all this time of this jail cell but you Captain Danny Pants his face is he’s like he’s looking at you guys like he’s actually deeply unsettled he recognizes your face is but he’s he’s like he did not expect to see what he’s seeing
happened to us down there
Jesus Jesus the drop song
I speak my text I was in marine boats when they are Mama’s diapers were Jenny fucking you just come I don’t want to hear your shit it’s hard to be a supervisor soldiers like you it makes your mind slips if it’s been a strenuous for this country’s fight itself wasn’t expecting the enemy we don’t even know how I got one job at Focus house so I can get through the day without putting a gun in my mouth take care of my voice and you’re The Hardy Boys ever had to take care of and I love the fuck out of you but what the fuck are you going to turn into a robot getting the helicopter come on Murdoch Murdoch go like like shit fuck yeah let’s go
he’s like the helicopter start storing there’s there’s there’s there’s a roaring sound you here to your right you see baby dragons is coming out of a palm tree palm-tree his there was a hinge on the giant palm tree and turn over to Laura’s and Trace button go I think I think Captain Danny passes on DMT right now you’re not respectful it is to dismiss what we’re doing over here is some kind of trip. You’re having a bad trip man. You’re freaking out the drift you’re the one that’s book looks like a fucking pig monster in the weird armor what the fuck happened to you man we don’t know
you got well you guys don’t know no I didn’t think so and you just you just remembering that you were in Vietnam I mean like you’re like yeah I just all I remember is being in Vietnam and then but then we woke up in the cell but we kind of had to have this this these identities everything that you do
I cast guidance on Murdock so he can escape from the dragons you’re you’re you’re it’s like the best I can describe it as like you know lactating mothers like
Lynx Lake as you continue to breastfeed the casting of spells like it you can tell that it’s important to keep it it it keeps you it keeps you remembering Lars is life and kind of like in this weird halfway spot where you’re like half this Vietnam soldier named Diggins and Lars
I remember but you’re if you’re able to cast the spell is very clearly where do you guys see like magic energy come out of his hands of Captain tuck your head good picture coming out of it and but it clearly makes Murdock a magnificent pilot and he sees flies through these like canyons and his invading is baby dragon
what the fuck are you the captain Danny Pence gets on a heavy machine gun mounted in the back of the helicopter finish it with Justin fucking North Korea what the fuck is going on
if it’s a good move then it’s a copy something shit god dammit I love America for the real life I should have got you love my children
what’s project Omega
I’ll take it
okay he should he shoots the baby dragons baby dragons kind of received that was kind of a strange thing like the baby the baby dragon attack didn’t seem very confident over the it doesn’t look like Vietnam it looks like Palm Beach and it just takes you across along the shoreline and then it takes you to this looks like an American Military Base Circa 1970 and your land
man this is not right didn’t do everybody think so far
did Joey Lawrence you remember me you’re still like floating halfway between like being Diggins and being Lara’s you like you you can equally remember being born in this like little Hamlet of in this like Middle Earth type realm or where your parents were persecuted for being witches and so you swore revenge and you ran away and you were raised by this weird coven of all women like that were like super progressives and resented your maleness but also knew that in a in a in a misogynistic World their greatest weapon would be like a male like kind of priests that could say that they could send out on secret missions so they did love you but they also today relax in a weird ironic going to Judi Dench James Bond relationship there like not intimate mother’s to you so so it’s crazy

did you were raised by all like super powerful confident women but they were very like distant like they didn’t want to like attached to you as a person so you’re really kind of fucked up but you’re also like super powerful that you’re really good at focusing what would have been your male rage and your misogyny until like these like likes powerful magic attacks and like that you hate yourself for having a penis a butt head back but it’s like really effective than and you’re you’re able to climb walls and and you if you if you meditate for an hour you can turn into a bat and and it’s also clear to you it’s like that’s your whole life but then you also remember being Diggins you’re like you were born in New Hampshire you you came out when you were thirteen
it was it was Nineteen sixty-three that was not that was not well-received and so you ran away from home you went to New York you you started working in the diner you lied about your age you still you didn’t have to get a work permit and you work to the bakery and then you know the the draft came along and you you actually volunteered to see or like fuk making cookies and you you you you wanted to do something meaningful with your life part of it is like proving that you’re trying to be obviously can’t you can’t tell your fellow soldiers that you’re gay but you like inside your like I’m going to fucking be a hero I’m going to save this country if not for my future gay children then at least for myself like cuz I can’t wait till I be it’s a big dramatic like war and like come home alive and then to take my purple heart and be like by the way this is I’m a gay I’m a gay Soldier like you
your kind of looking forward to that but you ended up getting assigned to this like weird special ops team because you’re afraid of death cuz you’re like why do I even want to go home where people hate me for something I can’t control as fucking gross but you love America cuz you love freedom but it’s like so hypocritical and so you’re going to die a hero you have a note sewn into your underwear that says by the way I died fucking gay fuck you America
but you hope no one ever finds it be could bite but you’re like fuk it like I kind of like it’s a win-win that’s your that’s your that’s your catchphrases it’s a win-win it’s like that’s your that’s your Lock and Load and you’re and you’re like you’re like this guy that you’re the guy that likes scrambles into the lake booby trap holes with two guns like like what’s his name in Splatoon and you don’t give a fuck man you’re like they call you the weasel and but it’s like really affectionate cuz they’re like they’re they’re they’re like fuck man we got the weasel like and they don’t they don’t they don’t have this guy hun so you actually feel a fraternity with your brother’s here Duke and nuke in Diggins like you guys are you guys you guys used to be part of what they called The Fantastic Four but why you guys went on this one Mission with Lieutenant ham
and he got his arms blown off when he fell for the oldest trick in the book baby carriage like coming home and then he heard this baby crying went up to the carriage if I can lose arms off and he was like you know doing the whole thing where he’s like you hear this high-pitched ringing in your ears while you’re like watching him look as like where my arms and fell down and and and then you held them and you had to like overdose on morphine and date and tell him I promised him that you won the war and any fucking died and that was weird like like kind of like a Pirate Cove kind of town that you guys have been sent to off the coast of Vietnam you guys were not you guys were sent out of Vietnam from a military base into into a place like a somewhere in the in the ocean where you’re not supposed to be where America is not sanction to be having a war but like who cares right cuz
that’s a Vietnam was all about man but you you you you you you so you were be remembering all that stuff like like at the same time at the same time
I bet you guys are on the tarmac you’re getting out of the helicopter at like like Captain Danny Pants like like he’s got this look on his face he’s like a gentleman and he’s like looking at his eyes he’s like he’s like looking at you guys in like he’s is looking you up and down and he just doesn’t fucken understand what’s happening what is what is it a man in the High Castle situation where you see the show can I get a I can’t get another drink I kind of talk for a while the user has this guy’s oh I’m sure it’s based on a book that was available back then but I can’t answer that question as your dungeon master am I going to have any trouble from you gentlemen he’s like he’s General is really scared
I think I need to sit down that’s a lot to process okay well yeah I think you need to be sat down I just want to make sure this isn’t some kind of trick or something name name rank and serial number tell me who tell me you are who I think you are before I take you Into the Bunker cuz you know you could be like Terminators or something
my name is Tom Duke Thompson
First Sergeant Marine
tell me tell me what
tell me what happened to us at the Battle of of of of of of of lumpy lumpy bratwurst
good to have you back dude
nuke if that is you tell me what your expertise is and what we always tease you for in the barracks Trace nuke but known for special ops sensor stealth deployments and shooting his pants when he laughs too hard but I’ll be a son of a bitch there’s no way the VC could hypnotize you into into pretending that hahaha that’s so funny sir
Diggins tell me anything sir
large dick answer Special Forces
I seen too much it sir I’m ready to go home my bad
alright well you know what if they’ve developed some ability to replicate your fucking personalities and that look in your fucking eyes Diggins
then they deserve to win let’s go see the commander
what what you thought were trees now reveal themselves to be half tree half human Marines
or are they just men in ghillie suits you don’t know but it’s if they are there like state of the fucking aren’t they look like they look like a costume from Wizard of Oz or something like they’re like they look like trees straight up trees but they’re like they got faces and they got like ammunition in their their bandolier strap why would you go to the trouble of tracking belts and shit out of but then you think hey anything can be in a tree what is a birdhouse like make people go it doesn’t that’s like Ayo what about a little kid like like they’re one of them has a kid
up in his branches Hoosier who doesn’t seem to even understand that he was climbing a marine and they they they they start moving like where is before they move like you didn’t even notice them they were just a just a copy of course there’s two trees on this beach at Jason’s 1970s Marine base in the tropical Vietnam Coast base they go over to these rocks and the rocks and he’s like panels open on them and they’re doing something they not at each other and they exist and they they press something at the same time and this big giant doors started opening and there’s like a klaxon sound looks like this is big door opens up and there’s staircase going down and dandy paint starts heading down and the helicopter starts taking off Murdoch’s goes like
talk to me sucks
I need Sandy takes off you too Daddy pants looks back at you
yeah man are you going to go down or throw it or what come on
let’s go think I find that offensive constantly calling each other Fagen gay and implying that they’re weak and all this stuff and it’s like a drives you fucking nuts but like it is what it is and I was in your in your diggings half you were you were just raised by a mom-and-pop kind of like fakes it was just a regular kind of stairs at Lake Norman Rockwell kind of upbringing if it weren’t for your gayness you it would have been a few privileged life
but you your your honesty your your compulsion to be who you really are and not put up with torture of of like like having to conform like where is no one else does is it made you it made you go like I’m not I’m not going to do this to my mom and dad say they love me no matter what like your mom told you once she said Sunday you know what love is when you were like 11 and you’re just having weird feelings like you didn’t know what if they were normally didn’t know who to talk to about it but your mom said to you once son I want you to know what the definition of love is like unconditional love means if you ever killed somebody I would help you bury the body wouldn’t matter to me if if if I if I thought you were right or wrong I don’t care if you turn out to be a serial killer I would still try to keep you alive as long as possible I would I would I would take a bullet for you you’re my son and I love you and then when you came out to her she acted like you were fucking monster and it broke your heart it was terrible like she obviously was either
lying about the the death thing or or or she really hates gay people but in any case it was just like you just fucking of course she ran away you had to like you didn’t either wasn’t even out of spite for them it was like out of pain like you had to like start a new life on your own as a child you were just a kid and so ignorant but
what are you going to see just like really wanted to be an accessory to murder are they going to be like like like maybe she was just disappointed but you’re not you’re not it’s literally against the rules you out of the army if you said that you were gay or if you like yes I think you hear you have you you’ve gotten away attach them to like keeping things away at a distance like you don’t even like flirt around with like your closest friends like knowing like there’s something that you have that but you do think after all the shit you’ve been through with these guys one thing that you refused to do is like when they talked about pussy and stuff like what you get back State side so I can take it and put it on my mouth and go like you you don’t you draw the line
talking to why you’re not going to live with this on his life so you’re you just kind of like 9 and stuff but these guys like they never they were never like they just like I think but you you wonder sometimes if they maybe they think that I could go and then it’s like there’s a part of you that thinks if if that’s the case if they know and they’re and they’re the fact that they’re not bothering to ask you about a quarter you about it in this fucked up sick world that’s like the that’s the love that your mom was trying to express to you in her hypothetical is other men that are that are that are agreeing to protect you unconditionally by going like I’m never going to ask you no like and it’s but it’s like it’s it’s a really fucked up think so yes you have a few that’s what it triggers you every time like
I can’t keep his mouth open
get down there and you’re like near like you’re used to it you’re numb but it’s like one of these days man one of these days
oh yeah
yeah you are offended you are offended by it
am I offended by it well I’ll tell you that
you eat you know that he’s gay and you’re not exactly on the Kinsey scale like fucking so far to the to the straight side that that that that you you you find that idea offenses like you’re you’re you you’re afraid to ask him about it because right you know you hate for this way you had some crazy experiences that even in your Midwestern in the fog that gets created by abuse and like experimentation in a society that doesn’t have conversations about it like you’re not even sure at this point what happened to went didn’t happen and that was before you pass of your identity with a robot from a magical and you kind of think it’s that you kind of feel like maybe you do you rub your the head of your dick on your best friend’s dick like at summer camp
it’s you too or into it but it was also like you were so you were just like you were it was like oh it’s so great to have a dick like it is easy to please talk to people that were like oh yeah I did that too and I’m straight as an arrow or whatever. It’s like fucking like you don’t know but but one thing’s for sure like as a very thoughtful like demolitions and stuff expert like you’re no stranger to self examination and like you like like you really admire Diggins because like it it’s like God damn if it’s if if what’s the case with him is what I’m thinking this fucking guy must have it really hard like this is a really strong bond between you guys and you actually curtailed some of your pussy eaten talk
you don’t you do do do heard of homosexuality but you do use the captain right now this isn’t the debriefing sorry sir we got a special mission for you boy
you gonna hide Enemy Lines are you familiar with the rising trend of disco music Village person
no no no that’s a different campaigns of the Vietnam soldier you you just so you know you don’t know any of that stuff that I was just talking about you didn’t you you’re oblivious you think that is you think he’s boyish like like like you know like he’s a boy scout that’s why he doesn’t like to talk about like clits and stuff like masculinity like like like you
Julie homophobic but it’s like I like the GoPro stick movie
I’ll be back at project Omega is behind you and just just before it would get pitch black these like fluorescent light side click on in the stairwell the stairwell goes down down down really far down like wow what a lot of stairs like you can’t you can’t you can’t help but imagine like wait when we get deployed do we have to go up all these stairs from the previous thing are we are we are you do you have all this equipment he’s still a robot or lips and there’s like tusks coming out of your lip like it’s you if you if you can cast spells like I don’t know what to tell you and you you know that it’s you know that it’s like somehow not normal okay I got you
and so does obviously your Superior officer but I will say that you you you too I guess this is maybe a little meta maybe I shouldn’t be telling you that I’m also kind of thinking out loud
you you guys are your your your American Soldier memories are very quickly your bodies aren’t but your minds are are getting more and more like you’re forgetting your life in this other misters realm like where you had your regular biographies like you since you you know you were abducted as a as a child and when you were still human and take him to a weird cave where a dragon that commanded a bunch of the golems that were like emancipated like they’re like like solo and they belong to some
but they yeah they did like fuckedupshit Wolverine style obviously his kind of like you like they turned you into a robot not bad that’s why that’s why that’s why we thought you were human for a little bit in the Jeep until you took your Inspector Gadget finger off it’s helpful that way yeah alright well guys know that we also have alternate memories related to our fantasy backstories yes
I think remember when I cast spells I cast light not bad what the fuck Jesus God damn Mary and Joseph mission-critical you goddamn right it’s mission-critical I don’t know what the fuk happened if you guys have alternate backstories
what’s wrong with your voice you sound like a goddamn robot you’re telling me Sarge
alright open up in there is a weirdly primitive system for all of this to do that he yells open up in there and I kind of Submarine style door opens and you guys going to act like a bomb shelters is concrete haul painted like a drab green and there’s like a guard there with a gun and he sees you guys he starts freaking out Mama Mama oh Mama semen
I didn’t transfer from the Navy for this God damn it you know that all branches of the Armed Forces have to have equal claim on this is a unique Division and that we the Navy people have to guard this door I told you you’re going to see fuckedupshit why you acting like that you’re fired get out of here report to the firing office what do I tell him tell him tell him the truth, okay all right okay my trouble you’re fired Jesus submitted its dad said shouldn’t be a good thing for you okay well can I have one more chance would I be if I gave people Second Chances after they scream mama when they see robot people come through the door
just this once just this once you little faget you little gay faget you fucking homosexual guy contact with Diggins
you look like like like like I get it like don’t fucking like like Gabe even more subtle than that you can talk, call me Professor I catch you you you cast the calm emotions I know it’s amazing you keep early nineteenth-century time you cast a spell that you just like to do if I can like could you Return of the Jedi fucking gesture that that that nobody even knows in like the kids just like he just snaps to it and goes like sir we work in extraordinary circumstances I think it’s good for me to continue to have strange reactions to them I apologize I acknowledge my offense I commit to change and
and his chest is just like how you just like takes out as they going to like the Dandy pants like well alright then so I can wet pussy fucking men fucking women you know that’s the stuff I like to happen and knocks on the door the door opens and it’s just this big like office it’s like filing cabinets and fans oscillating fans and guys in white short sleeve shirts with ties to get sweat stains around their armpits really Smoky there’s a bad ventilation with everyone smokes totally accepted normal thing to just smoke and doors and Atlanta ashtrays lot of cigarettes duke it makes you want to smoke a cigarette
you’re a smoker I pulled out a cigarette
but you don’t have you don’t have any cigarettes on you cuz you got a cigarette out of somebody else’s mouth
that is exactly the kind of guy with glasses and wasted like you pull the cigarette I was mouthing me and then he was like hey don’t mess with the orc and an iced ice pick just one or two is out of my left like he looks at at Dandy pants and Danny Pants gives them those look just like you know just fucking roll with it you Bookworm another door opens on the other side of this like bass like kind of office pool is like the on the other side of it there’s this wooden door and and the door opens and this this like the general comes out if he’s a full General General General Lee salute everybody does except the yeah I skip forward four and a half Stars 4 and 1/2 and one of the Stars has killed over it like it’s like a special * 4
something like he’s maybe he’s bilingual or something I don’t know but everybody at all the military people like the guards and stuff by the water cooler they all snap to attention and salute so does you guys feel compelled like so you’re draining you like salute the white shirt at guys like they they they they’re scared of this guy so they but they had their civilians apparently cuz we don’t salute the steps he looks at Danny Pants gives him an odd daddy pants about faces and leaves through the door that he came he’s gone now and the general goes he looks up and down looks at you guys and goes so true obviously hot fucking but in a Mississippi nut
all right boys let’s start on time this monkey’s fist and he’d had knives used in his Direction
okay right I go in that direction OK Google watch you walk through the office like your roguelike instincts and also your stealth special forces training your kind of like looking around you see on pieces of paper or on his desk like this is his looks like a normal office but the materials on the on the desks like I have like really weird like kind of like the ruins and shit on them it’s like it’s like you just get the impression that these guys are in the business of studying like weird yet but they’re but that they’re technically normal people study so you get you get to that that end of the office area you go into this dark room and there’s a there’s a it’s just like a big vast empty like Onyx chamber
hell yeah yeah it’s really easy to describe and not a lot of detail to it I don’t want to make anything out of the box but it’s a big black room and there’s a it’s a it’s like like there’s like a couple chairs in the corner but at the far end of it in front of a big screen is this doing big desk and it’s there’s no one behind that desk there’s a names like on the desk that says general Hodge Hodge and but there’s a there’s a standing slightly to the side of that desk is a man in a three-piece suit with shock white hair
here are you free hair hair than you ever seen a big white eyebrows I guess it’s Matthew Modine in stranger things but he also has a little goatee it’s Colonel Sanders Colonel Sanders in a black suit with horn-rimmed glasses and he’s not smoking so it doesn’t bump with the Smoking Man in X-Files he’s got so he’s he’s kind of like Colonel Sanders in a black suit with glasses glasses glasses off is piercing green eyes and you can’t see them closely yet but if you ever look at his eyes closely there’s like this crazy thing
but he he says step forward into the light gentleman I go we we ran into mind flayers you know about mine players I know about seeing’s but you’ve only just begun to understand well then learn that might flare is that’s crazy huh that’s bad news what was what’s happening you for that information Soldier step forward into the light I do that then get a look at this project Omega Glory
it seems you whippersnappers just found yourselves of the frontlines of America’s Next brand of War
what is that I cast I cast finished thought
you do an amazing job but you’re an orc fighter so you’re just kind of like you just grunt at him
I’m suspicious of Colonel Sanders so from the darkness I’m going to cast detect magic him in the general actually Colonel Sanders sweeping around the room are you trying to disguise that or are you still doing the darkness sneakily be down so you’re okay taking a penalty for that reason so anyways you find magic and the general General charge is not magic nothing in this room is Magic except for a flowerpot by one of the chairs in the corner there’s a strange plant growing out of it and that screen behind the desk
it’s like like like the it’s it’s it’s that’s that magical and then there’s a there’s a plant this magical so glad you did that I was really hoping you did that when I designed this room
oh damn Aiello TomTom when I say that playing that screen Colonel Sanders way to the plants okay yeah I like the road should sneak over there though I’m going to do it well well Trace but Facebook
was it a nuke you’re going to distract Colonel Sanders while while the Rogue goes over there in and checks out the how are you distracting I drop a knife out of my butt you had but you would put the knife back in your butt using your kind of work instincts you summon otherworldly anal reflexes to eject the the Jaguar from your ass onto the annex floor of this strange room it’s definitely does a great job of distracting Colonel Sanders he’s like well I’ll be at Alabama sites Loper
sloper. He went he waves at the the general like Nike says stamp set on the general like it’s like wrestling a thing and it pulls out like a strange kind of like a bag that looks like it’s made out of like a chamois material like like when you be like shammi your car yeah but it’s like but it is but it’s like Leather & I by G-Eazy takes it over and he’s got like weird like four steps that he had no other pocket and he’s like he holds up the the but dagger-like you remember that being inserted in your anal cavity Soldier I have no memory of that sir I just know that it’s been there since time immemorial
what do you recall about your childhood Soldier
and I glazed over and realize I have no memories at all of my childhood a plant you’re going to go over to it physically you walking casually over to the plants and they are very distracted by the saying and so you walk over to the plan to deploy it looks like a like a like a like a giant version of a bamboo shoot in I like when bamboo is first growing just like this little like little pointy thing with Mike. Things I don’t know what a bamboo shoot looks like but it’s a giant version of that out of it coming out of a medium-sized pot and it’s like a very rich green with like a beautiful kind of like tropical orange too yellow like a accents on the edges of the leaves and it’s just it’s a vibrant plant
I reach out it’s growing in sand whatever you say what
okay when you when you touch it you feel like like incredibly rejuvenated like like like not in that in terms of health like any wounds that you sustained any fatiguing your muscles but you just feel like you feel like you could you could you could do like to take on the world like you just so you feel incredibly confident like it’s like a crazy otherworldly morale that you’ve taken on like you just feel fucking like messed out or
how big is this plan the growth is 3 ft tall coming out of a 11 inch pot chili. Divided by 13 in in diameter behind my back behind your back is okay but you just standing in front of the planet you walked over there are you going to have no memory of my childhood which childhood
exactly which child are you talking about Mike Mallorca childhood or the fake childhood that you planted in my memory project Omega your project Omega wait I I reach over and I pull off the the goatee at the goatee or goatee
you remind me of a certain judge that I remember
I’ll share and I see the green eyes of Judge Doom
you can’t do that you can’t you use your I statements are you judge Doom judge Doom yeah it looks General Reports say that the the VC battle that was one of his one of his right hands judge Jim sounds like you Tangled with some bad boys
I don’t know what you thinking right now young man but I give everybody to go teach hugs
that’s one
go ahead I use my second go to check
I don’t know why I do it why I give everybody to
I don’t give him a third as my point I hope you got all the goatee checking out of your system I turned General Hodge and I look at him does he have does he have any pictures
General Hodge has a pencil mustache but he’s currently looking over at Diggins and I see your
why feel good what is it Sir James finest vitamin
what is that
the Valor Al oh hell yeah that’s cool as hell and now that you’ve proven to be worthy test subjects it’s going to get worse and worse and worse and better and better and better you’re going to do so much for us
we should probably tell him exactly what’s been going on at this point using our magic screen
the screen lights up with imagery that elucidate the topic as they explain to you guys that
don’t fail me now
is that the the the the the the the Soviet Union when it when it dug into Vietnam and Korea it it it started realizing long before the Americans knew it was that that a cold war was a losing one for the Soviet Union that capitalism was probably going to work cuz I mean you know we all know that now. Happy we are
and it is but they knew that they were going to work in a in a square on fight so they started digging down into the Earth’s in the place is like Cuba and North Korea and the like and they Unearthed Subterranean Cavern when they dug down into North Korea and found a dragon egg and they heated up with the electric blanket and it started to crack and hatch and when it did something crazy started happening is that steady the search for extraterrestrial intelligence started reporting to them which was then a secret project no one knew that it was actually started by all the way back then and that they were started to report like weird like their equipment that they use to scan for
our intelligence in outer space was actually picking up this weird signal that they first mistook for like is there an alien presence like 2 feet outside of Earth’s atmosphere so that we can’t see but then over time you started realizing that there was this throbbing presents the signal that was previously unknown to mankind that was emanating from the Earth itself but something is happening so over time with a realizes there is some kind of like Awakening of magic energy that was happening at the point where this this dragon eggs started hatching so they they stopped incubating the egg I even took it to a secure facility I’m more on that in the third Adventure that will do a New Year’s now that’s that says that you know that magic is real and and they found life
end the end the end the end the end the end the Russians were oh there it is okay
I found out magic is real and has already been doing like these programs like in the American Military that we’re doing like remote viewing and then an MK Ultra and stuff like that experimenting with LSD and brainwashing and all the stuff so spies American spies with that that had access to the information of what the Soviets had uncovered they they used it to liberate some of this information and used it to dig down in Los Alamos because and Edwin find a a dragon egg of their own and it is they did not incubate it but they they started chiseling into it and when they did that the person that was chiseling it got struck with a bullet in his eyeballs and he flew back and his hair turned white and he became his Colonel Sanders guy so so that that that’s this guy he was like he’s like
add scientist from MIT that they didn’t trust it with his projects and his name is Colonel stag what we gave him the name before I can’t remember he isn’t and he he gained all this knowledge when he tried to like chisel into this Dragon egg in from his knowledge he started like dictating to like think tanks and stuff and they started writing up all of these like terms and things like us and storing them in got transistorized devices and analyzing them and America so since like the 1959 secret operation going where they’ve been like trying to like it’s a magical arms race that’s been going on between the Soviets and Anna in America all this time it’s because it was largely like not generating any results but they had been like training people to try to use this stuff cuz like like there that you don’t like oh it is like like what if you read this stuff
can you try to can you cast spells can you do stuff and it wasn’t really working that well but it was getting enough results those got massive funding and God forbid the Russians actually accomplish something before we do so that’s just been going on underground which is why the defense budgets are so enormous it’s like how could a nuclear missile cost that much it’s crazy you just take some nuclear shift put it in a fucking bullets and throw it like a huge invention the idea that it takes a lot of money to make a nuclear missile all that money goes into also schools it doesn’t cost that much to teach children to all of that money has been secretly funneled into an into these programs and so when you guys join the military if you went through basic training but then like through certain tests and things they detected kind of aptitude on your parts and then he started like someone telling you over into these programs where you were getting trained for this other stuff and the reason that we actually went to Vietnam
isn’t because we’re trying to protect the world from communism in the sense of like Vietnam being strategic it’s because they there’s a site in in in Vietnam where does the Soviets had found this like weird like Stonehenge like structure a but underground in this like Cavern and it was like this like it it it it it needs a more magic and so they sent you guys on a reconnaissance mission and and then you got captured but then they put they tried some weird shit on you and you had this whole Adventure that we don’t remember but you were anywhere in this different worlds and and then you woke up in that in that cell and then then now you’re now you’re remembering that this was all part of some crazy mission that started in in in Vietnam and you still don’t understand did you go through a portal I bet you did
I quite like the lake lake lake why were you on the other you know in this other world so they that’s these guys are like they’ve always suspected that the reason why these dragon eggs are creating this like magic energy is because they’re the only things from a different universe that that that exist in ours and that there must be some way to get to that Universe where magic is normal and Technology isn’t and if you could get there then you could take magic energy and use it for military purposes over here and so it seems like maybe the Russians have found a way to get to the other side and you guys must have been there and escaped I have one question for the for the cliffhanger
oh we did it we made it till 10 or is everybody all right
printer printing in your game master or not your game player the game master Dan Harmon
Zach McKeever Crest church not let everybody here at the exact by there tonight and mayor Dan Harmon
thank y’all for coming drive fast take chances
have a good Thanksgiving be grateful for for whatever. Don’t don’t don’t fight with your family just not worth it
Jackie got Beats


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