Episode
Episode: 172 – LIVE at The Gramercy, NY Comedy Festival 2015: Night 1
Description
Get ready for two nights of the craziest Harmontowns ever.
Transcript
I haven’t had a good feeling about this gentleman from New York City in the great state of New York harvestowne but now it’s session
what’s playing at the marathon
yeah yeah yeah
what what
drive to Dutch Bakery
Surfer that was gifted
is a real pad not your Nintendo bulshit
fuck is going on hello New York thank you so much for
I couldn’t be happier that you’re wonderful people I hope you’re very much I hope you’re comfortable and so honored and flattered I particularly like we we we we are sold out tonight or tomorrow night I hope so
is really really really I mean you know it’s like it’s crazy here is cool.
Obviously flattering so I can get used to this the capital of the world do you know so they people when they’re excited that you’re coming to visit them it feels legitimizing we’re very happy that People Like Us in Los Angeles but let’s face it was people there fucking nincompoops you guys are like fucking dealing with reality is happening over your shoulder and that’s a huge compliment but I like getting to work without being stabbed is a big deal for you guys I like you you have going on
you have to show did you give me the play cats
they make more cats
I’m going to guess I swear to God I bet I’m right I bet there’s a Knight Rider show on Broadway right now because if they want it so be it there’s a Spider-Man Potter show on Broadway these guys what I’m saying they can do whatever they want and a hug from you really is twice as valuable as everyone that we’ve ever said we let I am a really big dick we’ve been to Austin and we’ve all been a lie
Even in our own home we don’t like those people as much as we like you and you guys are good good good good people so thank you glad we got that out of the way in which we don’t have there’s no show I don’t know I never had a job I just scribble some notes I got some notes
all right so I try to understand it
I thought you knew you thought that was CG HD audio remix
No it’s real
are you stuck that’s beautiful and that’s another thing about New York by the way
you’re the nicest fucking town every day
your lesson is I came out and looked at my phone whatever you call it and it was the best place in the city do you think it’s the one where everyone’s stacked on top of each other and if the lights go out there 5 seconds from cannibalism do you think those people know their p’s and q’s the Martian would go get my money on that I would think that the people of Nebraska but you’re not to be racist what was the year was everybody had a million babies
377
going out with
Cassini power to do what they do their their wonderful the lights are controlled by big condom
where was that night that yeah I was like well more versed in politeness it’s official we love her here and we accept her
and she could be the senator of New York tomorrow if we if we showed shows that I spilled some chili on my shirt
and I found out chilling
JetBlue’s you need to know what do crawdad coming out Osha Thai and I only brought one shirt for 5 days
because you’re a professional so I took some salt and I put it away but there was chilly all over my aunt worked at the abrasion and then I was talking to Jeff about it and so do you
I didn’t know that for 42 years
sodium soda water I didn’t know that I I I ons
I think they want they’re hungry for chili but didn’t
learn things didn’t you learn this in the same table at the same restaurant where you had other epiphanies about stuff that you didn’t think it was up so we can call this a segment do you want to give it a theme song
open my iPad tonight are they going to give it a theme song for me and Harmon learning things that he should have learned when he was younger
the crowd has gone wild I thought that was terrible
I think if it comes to a different city we should the world’s coolest guy
when is that that saw it said that that song is a wall of I know it’s I know I try to turn it down it’s very loud well it’s not about lowering the volume it’s about taking a song that has a hold your horses the beginning Dan Harmon
sometimes you learn things even though you’ve been alive for 40 years
that’s not too late to learn mammals brains Harden that’s why sometimes you have to choose and then you tell your friend my cat play scratch and then the cat doesn’t fetch anymore because it’s brain gets hard
and that’s most mammals but
Ben Franklin was 75 going on in the rain in like what will happen is we are eternally children and our brains are soft and that also resulted in racism and what would happen if I hated that guy cuz he’s black
but also what would happen if I flew a kite in the rain
babe you like these lights maybe you should hate black people
yeah. That was that went wrong
I’m going to assume Ben Franklin was racist because you didn’t know any better but that you know if you’re black and you’re listening and you like electricity don’t be complected
there’s room in the world for all of us and there’s not I don’t think we should accept I think I implied that if you like electricity and that’s not the case at all but the opposite is the case if you like electricity you should love what are you guys up for New York you do know this don’t let don’t love people because of the color of their skin that’s fucked up
like there are bad people who are different skin wise and if you just love them for their skin you’re a racist
and you will pay the price just don’t come to your house and go I’m purple and everyone hates me can I come in your house and stab stab
you deserved it
I got you running for the Republican nomination right now
well
I’m saying what they’re thinking is that going to win
okay is that taught the salt in the sodium about me learning there’s an important so 42 soda is sodium sodium. So I always thought it meant you poop and then you flush twice how is that a courtesy to anyone that I never as a poop flakes in the water like as a courtesy like if you poop and then and then what you see in the toilet is one goes out to the ladies in the house
if what you did what you said to me at the second flush that’s out of courtesy and you should hate yourself. That’s what I thought courtesy courtesy flush as you already know and I just learned it means halfway through your boob
you reach back and flush your Boo Boo’s why you’re still pooping
I didn’t know that I just learned that and I had to go to New York to learn that because like space
for learning shit here at the Gramercy bathroom in the morning that have it but I’mma still am very Charmed
credit Concepts one more thing and then we’re done with this so here’s okay so this is going to blow your fucking money. Buckle your Holy Ship built to everybody I just found this out in the Rick and Morty writers room so I don’t know how to thank you thank you Jesus thank you yeah yeah
where is that right it’s right where we’re at we’re at we’re working at the same to me so I have no idea where nobody puts baby in a corner right show for the last
5/8 years I thought
line was from the movie Million Dollar Baby
he was in a corner a lot of it makes sense I’ve ever seen the movie that Clint Eastwood
a Million Dollar Baby to fight it and spoilers I’ve never seen the movie
I know she gets put in a corner and I know that you reasons a 10 when I walk you through this you’re going to go Dan I forgive you
and I’m actually kind of mad at a society that did this to you the first thing is I think this is just my perception because apparently that wine is from which I’ve seen the one and a half times that we’ve all seen it the first time the apparently I have her poem absolutely nothing Patrick Swayze walks up to Jennifer Grey and says nobody her father says what about her
okay you know what garbage moved by the drinks are on the House Bar
I think I think I think her dad says in the movie he says that I don’t want you dancing with that dirty dancer
I go in the corner he goes over to her to go take nobody answered and nobody puts baby in the corner and you can by the way your name is baby out of the corner and I saw that movie I don’t remember that line I don’t think it was a big deal it’s not like Macaulay Culkin going right no the crate today when you’re writing dirty dancing
it’s a dumb movie and I honestly anyone who wants to challenge me on that I will like like I do we have somebody strong enough to do the little we’re going to do that down this aisle you all right but that doesn’t somebody doing the Dirty Dancing lift
anything that happened remembered this is the end with Seth Rogen so his buddy in the movie is in that Million Dollar Baby movie right that’s Rogan says to his friend he says nobody puts baby in the corner and they got kind of Chuckles like it’s his way of seducing his friend isn’t going to the Hollywood party and $10 baby and then Seth does that joke and so that’s what
what was that guy in Million Dollar Baby picture please receive a box and then that guys like I love being in the corner it’s just that I thought you’d enjoy that you can learn things after 4. I think every time someone said nobody puts baby in the corner I’ve always pictured Clint Eastwood talking to Hilary Swank on a hospital bed
hi Christina. I never pictured Patrick Swayze what if he said that in that movie but he was dancing
both movies garbage
you know the game so bad
you fucking listen to me I was masturbating today and then Hotel
and I added that most of Dance Story start a conference call I want to masturbate and I and I
how to activate the Ice Bike I thought of the person that I wanted to masturbate to you and I and I googled I Googled around and an NFL image and I was like okay I’m going to okay I’m masturbating and then there was a conference call I was okay but I’m going to I’m going to masturbate for 5 minutes and then and then I’ll get on the conference call but they changed the dial-in number so then I was masturbating and there was an intern calling me
and she was on the phone and she’s going to hate number and I was like I had literally my penis in my hand and I was like okay well can you okay what’s the email it to you but I don’t really have a point to this
what it made me think of was like like like she didn’t know I was like she didn’t know she was talking to a man that was something already in your head she said you know the big part of her job was like you would answer the phone I got 1 800 dentist and then the guy would go yeah I don’t want to get it a dentist and it’s real bad
okay sure do you do you have an insurance provider what that that like there were guys are really clearly
masturbating when they at the idea of talking to a person
but is that the thing that I don’t like that kind of food cuz this happened to me and I was like like doesn’t know that I’m dealing out of New York Hotel bed looking at a photo of like a girl from a commercial
what was the commercial
I will get high with those records are sealed
a joey officially verify that she was born after 1980 whatever the cigarette date is but like believe me she’s on the bubble
should have said lots of stuff but I didn’t
the Wright brothers going to take a nap
what’s a horrible person to the front of the invention of flight
but how did they know when they were out there going like way Joe I would have a car could fly what how did they were driving by and going
Asian appropriate
I want to call out you know judge Taco Bell need to put her in the commercial for a reason
oh so you got it was talked about I made it up I’ll tell you I’ll tell you next week to tell us she’s 17
I thought I saw the commercial I made a mental note of it
I called her images
I am a grown man I’m in charge of my life nbcuniversal I’m powerless I’m a bad person it’s funny to me that there was a person who’s like an intern going like a hole.
I was just thinking about what would happen if you continue in my head but he has over 17 years old
you’re the bad person because what I was thinking was oh this is interesting because I remember when she work for 1 800 dentist Howard there were the people who call her off on the interesting thing to me is like the question of the Jewish of people who are there getting off on the idea that you
it’s an assault that that says they like that they that they want you to know and then I started I was like wait but what if you would have your thing was that they didn’t know what he just called people and we’re like hey I was wondering should I get a new swimming pool well sir I am looking through my things in the whole time you’re jerking off the is the is that a fetish and how would you ever know you wouldn’t think that would be the whole point is the guy would be like
how many lists do we get on harmontown in a month or a week do you know 5 million women and you say we just a locksmith no I’m saying if it is over a million is over
how many people here at the Gramercy theater currently jerking off in the shadow
alright doesn’t matter it doesn’t matter that matters more than anything
somebody brought me drink soda is sodium nobody puts baby in the corner poopy pants put it says poop pants Let’s Dance Bowie last night and you were in a blackout drunk at a bar and let’s dance I know you were certain that tonight if we sang the song Let’s Dance but you have the lyrics to poop pants that it would be podcast Dynamite
sounds like I would
sounds like on paper I was right though let boo-boo when I say run that means I have the runs
put on your special brown shoes so no one sees and no one will know we were we were doing that drunkenly at a bar last night and you know that means the word sandwich
the inventor of the sandwich sandwich sandwich
how are you wrote it down I’m not going to tell you what it is good for a second just let me get one more thing I wish I had my back to the guy and he came out of the bathroom and in the spring lounge and he came out of the bathroom and he stopped me from behind wearing this jacket and and he went mr. Grossman
even if your name mr. Grossman cartoonist from The New Yorker
I’ll take it I’ll take it I like it I was at you Google you’re a terrible person now I didn’t because I don’t I’m not narcissistic
hey do miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one misses that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
I don’t care I don’t care what I look like I just thought it was fun you know in your ear you know you’re racist and and and that everyone’s made of light
here we go
I love Millennials now and I’ll tell you why what do you like most about me like I’ve come around I’m like oh my God these poor kids like I fucking love you like I’m so sorry like I actually want to help you like I like try to make the world right because I took me awhile please try to understand that I for the first 10 years that we met like I thought you were just an asshole but cuz you wanted all this stuff and then I realized you’re never going to get it that makes me love you I’m so sorry I let I love you and I really have your head in the right spot my generation was just like oh let’s just look at the floor as long as we don’t land on the moon or be the Beatles will be cool but you guys are like you should
do everything different
you should do it there a difference and I was like but nothing nothing different is happening
are you little you little Dickens
sad and beautiful like I’m on your side now that I know you’ll never win
your Rudy to me now how old is the oldest Millennial if it’s going to be made good it’s going to be like corporations are going to be making it like Nikes going to make TV Colgate going to make TV you might you like it you like your TV
you like your free TV TV today
I like Orange is the New Black but I like the episode last too much orange in it
cuz I’m a orange person and I don’t want no no no no called no one gives up
thanks for your money
I got sidetracked
truthfully the truth is like Netflix is a corporation they may as well be Nike or Pepsi like that they’re just the first corporation that noticed what you guys like and they’re giving it to you in that good thing she is very very capable of making great like fucking television is that sir
adult comedy show
you’re ever thought of temerity to get remember when Seinfeld told her we would have stuff like that
Kramer was racist and the truthettes the betterment
a trailer with sucks I’m sorry I couldn’t stop laughing
it’s not funny
what the fucking fuck is happening trimmers apologizing for being racist on Letterman Seinfeld out there
what happen if a person or anything
let me know when my involuntary reactions are appropriate
it’s funny if I left.
so I don’t I don’t trust you guys there’s a generation New York I love New York
everybody stop it stop laughing not funny
what’s a bachelor pad show
what’s Brianna’s brother Springer
rrrr next gas station
10 years
departamento de Taylor
it’s about to get slapping my best friend is
I’m sorry I’m not Spencer
yeah I mean we’re allowed to talk about Spencer right cuz we do karaoke at one of those are you at you do karaoke at 5 and we deal you only did songs with that was shrieking was well as far as I know
absolutely the worst lyrics first written song lyrics don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t like I’m doing my impression of the of the song
is in my pad pink is a combination of yellow and red like lately like that’s the lyrics kind of a flamingo
princess my kind of lingo very close just very good
you’re rich buy a gun and kill yourself
no I don’t I don’t care I don’t care if you’re William Goldman in their defense they were really trying to kill yourself if you wrote all the trigger for Aerosmith kill yourself
because you’re never going to Mike’s challenge Yu-Gi-Oh my mind do the right thing
and right in your suicide note I wrote Pink Aerosmith I heard it and you know what thank you because thank you Dan Harmon first staying with Society wouldn’t say it to hurt people because there’s little kids listening is a kind of color
I like pink too cuz I don’t like that color when your paint color color of vaginas and penises
how to say all kinds of cool Beast of Burden by Rolling Stones last night thank you heard those lyrics a long time ago that you thought about something else now lyrics
I think I think that was Weird Al Yankovic
trying to sing the actual song you just an idiot
today I don’t know if you got another backlog of harmontown episodes but Dan is notoriously bad at telling jokes
the welder’s mask. I told you the joke about the guy that delivers shirt today you promised you would try to tell the jokes you laugh very hard at the car you promised that you would say. I’m going to fucking do it
wild an conscious discipline his memory and tries to get the guy to finish off any and the guy and he goes or how I can’t go home looking like this pregnancy Theater New York City you have my absolute firm conviction without fear of contradiction is going to tell you this job
what are beginning or more years old
okay I will take you to a bar where a joke starts where they’re going
bar and he goes I will be right back
I guess give me a drink and a bite in because he’s your drink and and end of the guy keeps drinking and my wife cuz I love her and I’m the bartender ghosts are you going to be in trouble for going home late and then it got to see if she’ll take a take a $20 bill
it’s weird that he would give it to him
is it seems like a guy after all if he profited from the guy that we think is so stupid in the store I think he profited so the bartender says take the $20 bill that’s that’s the take 8:20 take your own $20 bill I don’t know why but it’s a pullover
it is part of a joke do you know he says part of it it’s folded neatly and put it in your pocket like stalking know it’s part of it it is part of it is no it is part of it
we still haven’t found out why he gave I got the drinking and I’ve I’m not I’m going home late to my wife and the bartender says let me tell you what to do pink it take a $20 bill out of your own and Fold It neatly neatly when you go home to your wife and she goes why were you home so late amazing seder her say I was at a bar and a guy puked on me
and and said that the joke is progresses linearly you doing great then say to your wife a guy puked on me and he felt so bad
that he gave me this neatly folded $20 bill
to get to go to a dry cleaner to get the puke wash out of my shirt and that’s why I’m late it’s because of the amount of time it takes to get a shirt clean into the drain cleaner for some reason I didn’t use the $20
which makes no sense but that’s not my fault. It’s not it’s not a joke and storytelling has revealed that I’m bad at telling jokes I didn’t get to the punchline
what happens next
I said this fella goes home and here’s the thing about the joke is that you’re cutting around a thing that happened that says sometimes to have to happen, I just tell it by 12 cuz he goes home and he goes so the bartender told him all that stuff said take the $20 and fold it and stay the story I took a ticket to go in the joke you have to cut from that to the guy going home because you’re cutting around your cutting around stuff
but the guy you cut to the guy going home like a hard cut but you’re supposed to not know how much time I got to community
so he goes to take a half hour to tell one joke
but that’s yeah that’s why
that’s what I was famous for
The Big Bang Theory just told me 20 jokes of the same amount of time
since it’s so the guy goes home and he says to his when his wife says okay so I’m glad your home day 3 of the joke he’s glad he’s home why are you so late and he goes well there was this thing that happened and he looked at me and I had to take my shirt to the dry cleaner but and for some reason I still have the neatly folded money that represents what happened and she goes why is there $40 here and he says he also shitted my pants
still like a joke still a good job
he’s been there all day all night he’s had so much to drink he barfed all over the front of his shirt and you just start crying the birth of Jesus Christ what the fuck I just have been drinking all day I told my wife I’d be home I was a guy I puked all over myself I can’t go home looking like this what do I do cuz I’ll tell you what you do you have a $20 bill with a genius he walks her mom is coming up the steps the whites opens up the door so she even covered in puke what the hell happened to you he’s just a friend and he puked all over my shirt here he gave me $20 for the dry cleaning my pants
the Jocasta start with a guy puking on himself
right right Story Circle about this Got That Dope
why would the money why were you so focused on meeting folding of the money I swear to God I wish I had a recording of you going to change it to so many details for the Barbies already there he gets so drunk he’s already there and he’s like been drinking all day and then he puked on himself and he goes like all got it picked up myself I can’t go home with puke on the other bartender says take this $20
urgent care take care of your own dollars and say to your wife like like like like me but he’s sorry and he gave me the $20 that’s good cut to
cuz you cuz he said he watch out but if you’re at the cameras are ejected the whole time then you’re not there when he should just pants
that’s your date on you if you can fix this
do it for the person that puked on my shirt gave me this money and she is okay why is there twice as much money as good as the amount of puke
I know he also wants you to watch that has to be taken care of as well
cuz he’s an affluent
why is there twice as much money as a soldier
to put $20 and then she said why is there $40 cuz I poop my pants cuz like I pooped in my pants
first kid
I actually don’t understand why I understand but I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, here’s my feeling that you’re not good at telling jokes but you can write good stories
you do want to come up here going to come up here and tell the joke
I was interrupted by people giving me alcohol
here’s why
I think that you’re bad at telling jokes Dan and it said
you get caught up not just a joke telling but I think like in your your interpersonal relationship is that you get hung up on details oh yeah they aren’t that they get in the way of the of the soup licity of a thing that you should be I always laugh at them when people tell them but the thing is when you look back on the joke everything is been about dishonesty because everybody I told you the joke book Brook Locker
there’s someone turn of phrase that you’re like oh if you if the hole is he does a good job everybody doesn’t exactly the right thing then the joke’s not funny and that’s bad craftsmanship
is that stuff called mr. Roper’s like fixing the toilet and he thinks he hears Chrissy she’s talking about a warrant that she has her 1979 and everything and then mr. Roper plunging the toilet and he can hear Chrissy and Jack Tripper never wants it though he’s a National Treasure and he’s dead now so yeah yeah yeah you feel as bad as you should
are there any got any here’s any here’s are going like what it’s so big and he thinks she’s talking about like a baby in her stomach and it’s so big and I don’t like his dick is every episode of of Three’s Company was like that was like somebody hearing something about a fictional big it won’t fit into a
is it harder to make someone’s in the outside
it’s so big I can’t I put some lube on it
I love you a whole episode and that’s bad right now bad rating because if you’re in you’re watching that you’re like what is going on just go in the room and confront them about their sexuality if you’re so concerned with it stop looking at the camera something about what you’re excited about don’t talk to them. That’s literally what he thought that’s the truth is the joke of the episode is the Mister Roberts thought that Chrissy was going to have an abortion because she’s got a John Jack trip is going well I heard a doctor said if you rub a lemon on it and then Mr Rivers like
I’m not bad right here just California law that says he’s not allowed to enter you shouldn’t be listening to them
comedy is based on word on misunderstanding words like it’s not good, if you guys like I I know I thought you said you laugh at the proper telling of a simple three-act play on a joke because you’re finally not good at something
you want to be able to tell a joke a lobster goes into a bar a lobster goes into a bar and it goes as I can I can before you even finish his charting the bartender goes get the fuck out of here get out of here in another guy at the bar who is there before the laughter came in and he said he saw the whole thing and he goes like what the fuk was that about
are the other bartender ghost that guy he always comes in here and it’s always like this
I need an alarm for you for you for you listening it says he’s making a claw right now I feel I feel you know when it’s okay to be bad between haunt ride pay with a ride and you through different spooky moments
he’s like his dad and I don’t like you said it set up to that I might know it just like I understood that the hayride was taking you through different spooky scenes I was thrown by the tonal incompatibility
this is that I’m not I’m not like I’m saying I was thrown by the tonal asymmetry in the middle of the haunted hayride which was Dan Vogel goblins and giblets in goobies middle of it in there and what was the most expensive scene because there was like a Cadillac and there was a 60 watt playing like The Supremes were playing speaking English and it was a period piece that’s weird because everyone that before and after it was like but they didn’t say that they weren’t speaking English
and then there was one guy going to occur
oh hey
Ginger likes so uncomfortable. Somebody in the back of the head
CoreLogic
obviously also societies of society’s Consciousness shift event One of Those ads cuz the end it’s a story about the Bloomingdale’s did you get you to Bloomingdale’s a thing is it’s in the cab is my favorite joke
it’s at the Bloomingdale’s holiday catalog it’s a klusterfuk of like like corporate kind of sales teams what thing is you’re going to have to earlier
I’ll tell you guys I swear to God tomorrow night I will tell you I’m going to Google her tonight and make sure she’s 18 and then I’ll tell you her name
it’s not a chance. I know that girl and I’m offended kind of her behalf
that is a friend of mine that lady is a human being
possibly underage girl I’m talking about is it from completely different commercial
the God damn it
just like someone’s job is to put copy and every page of the Bloomingdale’s catalog so it’s like there’s like a lady like in a champagne glass with new punks going on I would like cheers to the feeling alive communication between the Departments I was trying to send a signal but there was a page in the Bloomingdale’s Cadillac so it’s like a woman like going and she’s like she’s excited to be looking at something other than when the get anything other than the guy next to her another three feet from her is like this Robin Thicke like a stubble guy
they’re both in, a casual like like like like like business business holiday party where and the guys glaring at her copy or lady equal to equal to I’ll bet you any money like it’s just like a chupacabra look like stylized offset sexy copy of the picture but the problem is a spike your best friends eggnog when she’s not looking
what is the rate what what what am I why am I supposed to buy pants now
no heroes or villains of the story it’s just kind of interesting at least one bill
definitely guarantee you that nobody thought this is hilarious because someone’s going to have non consensual sex I bet you a million dollars nobody ever thought that I’m sure someone was like like like like I bet that person I got it I’ll bet you another million dollars on top of that the person wasn’t looking at the photos wasn’t looking at those photos the person whose job it is to write a bunch of copy just writing garbage that they’re just going like 50 things that are like naughty sexy holiday that. Hang your stockings where you where your sex pussy
hanger starting to another effort I think I assume it’s not that easy anyway the reason I brought it up as one of their bring it up because well because it’s like a week because we are living in a world where it’s like you use and I think this is a good thing for everybody’s like hyper focused on this stuff and it’s like yeah and it was my point I don’t I don’t know what stories do you want to tell this one or is that too personal to tell
what is it real
I got three interviews more Chevy Chase
he’s showing a picture go ahead what’s the story is that I sent you that picture you sent me this picture and I showed it to me when I said here’s Dan’s new girlfriend and she looked and she’s like wow that she is really hot wow looks a little slick look a little fake though it’s a mannequin
how to get a shot on who took the photo of banging right now it is a bit
how can I show mannequin
you never go through it like a Target and don’t scroll past any of it’s your funeral if you’re going to see a lot of dick pics really fucking do it
are there
what was the Mega cuz you were telling me like you were like oh I got to I got to delete some of my pictures because I have so many sex movies are some sprays like I don’t you know I I don’t like I do I do I have a lot of them fill up your whole phone yeah and I can’t remember if I was like did I say can I see why I think I deserve cuz I can I see one and
like really you want to see one of my not this good enough for you to be on your phone and
I guess I would like to see it okay for the phone and a woman that I know someone that slept with Dino and yeah just sex movie or no on your phone was going to be fair I can watch it
that you thought that I was asking to see the movie
do you know how can we talk about your upcoming
whatever do you know
has an ability to do things that I think we should all aspire to I think we are this is act one this is fade in on the story do you know has a threesome lined up any show me photos of one of the girls
fucking wow and like it’s going to be a nightmare
and you said that the one that’s a nightmare is going to be submissive to add the other girl I that’s what I’m hoping for looking to beat you I just going to be a very intricate
I’m not sure how it’s going to work out it’s a math problem
These Girls Aren’t you like you were you were you were you were you you were seen as sex sex worker cheap like a n n n n n n
what is happening you’re okay
sex worker was emailing Gino and saying oh wait no I want to start can you tell Eddie I think so I’m not a good Storyteller but you know what I think he’s nervous I think I’m a very gifted Storyteller number the story is Chef to me and I was like and then I remembered this dominatrix who wanted to have a baby with me and I’m like I’ve been there done that
35 years of college tuition believe me she got emotionally involved with me and and so I started dating this other girl and I said hey would you like to go see a dominatrix with me and she said yes and I said can I start a new email account and put your picture on it and pretend I’m you
and I don’t want to see you anymore
I’m not the worst guy in the world you’ll see
there’s the worst person in this cart
horse and everybody gets worse to I’ll pretend I’m you and you’re going to say to her you want to have a threesome with her and this other guy and you’re going to describe someone who looks very much like me and you say can you get this guy I like some guy like she like is a dominatrix you know it’s not any such person it’s like she’s just describing a guy that you would like in her fantasies and so I started emailing the dominatrix it cuz the girl said okay and I said and I said to ask her I’m looking you know to date this guy you know like at all kind of greasy you know kind of
generally feels swarthy with Autumn ruins
to be ionic
that’s not know why I disapprove I just a Brim
it was worth a chuckle not a plaza not about
right now he’s sleeping okay
highways for the rest of our lives. He says he writes me back but really the girl she’s going in the girl
You’ve Got Mail kids he’s typing to his former dominatrix so what you was saying I want to fuck an ugly guy do you know any I didn’t I don’t want to speculate and you did not survive but I thought maybe you know cuz she knew like I’m into experimenting and being into threesomes or do she wrote me back or wrote her back and said got the perfect guy.
send a picture opposite of like just no hairs you know really skinny bald guy
I’m not saying that’s gross
I know you’re you’re you’re making a comment that I’m from Queens
hey I learned from you in private
sounds like someone from Manhattan Island
actually actually I I I’m telling it in reverse that was the second picture she sent me the first picture was like a really good-looking guy really fit and I had that right back I know he’s way too good looking
I want I want to hear that you I’m here now it’s kind of out of shape guy I bet you sent me the other skinny ball gown I’m like too short all over myself now in order to try and pinpoint me
so the fun can begin yeah so I can start
like an invisible creature from Sesame Street
I want I want to I want I want to give this a like someone only big bird could see
set my alarm for
so the third picture is me from community
and I’m like this guy is perfect and I’m trying to let go at lol and you know just try not to talk like me this guy’s great doing your best impression of an unhealthy part of an idiot
mustering me if I can get into the head of a crazy person that’s her turn on
actually they go to ATMs and the transaction sideways they neatly folder ATM card
play perfect perfect perfect disguises perfect
so then I get an email Dino gets an email from the dominatrix saying
literally This girl wants a dab a fucking thing with someone like you you were the first person I thought of
the tip-off to the Redbox there’s more because I had to choose that she she said she wrote back to the girl me and said I’m going to need some money up front and I said I just got towed and everything I did my credit cards can I just send you cash that you said sure and then she wrote me back and said this person is asking for cash I think it’s a guy like this this this guy this guy doesn’t want to give I don’t think he’s going to send me cash you know I’ve got an instinct for this kind of thing
so I guess you know I’m actually at community and I can jump and I’m trying I’m trying to write the name on the envelope in like a really good female Rite Aid
and I’m like 10 because that look like a woman wrote it and he’s like yeah I guess so
I got why I told you that story yeah well like I said I don’t know
yeah I do anyway so I send the letter off in a couple days later she writes Dino back the Dominatrix and says good news. I got the money handwriting looks feminine
swear to God
gender roles good segue is Jane we have been busy with you she’s in New York and
text touch the Earth shine and glassblowing scientist
so I have to talk to you because I’m going to take you through what I understand but maybe I’m going to be way off base because I’m an idiot but there was a time where it was like originally was like oh you’re our friend and your and your trans and you like you talk to us in like by the way I got to get sidetracked by this but you deserve a purple heart for all of the rule that you played like being a good kind person in all of my fracas and ups and downs with like just being a good time smart person and then being forgiving it on the stuff is like an abled like I think listeners of this show especially me to like work through the fucking confusing morass that we’ve been living through the last eight years of culture anyways but they’re not to be insensitive
I can’t believe your first question wasn’t did you find my story a turn on or what
nice call back just being a person who exists actually has her own life where you’re at like some kind of like James Bond of glassblowing where and stuff and we’re a local hero in your own industry and Community right times we talk frankly and probably ignorantly on my part about about about like this emerging tentatively and with the right questions
but we never talked before I know but then there was a proxy but it’s about like what you were tweeting and what you were saying made me think that there was something happening it was like a challenge and you balance in your professional life with what you were your transition toward it’s a very common thing that has to happen because a transition doesn’t it’s a transition it’s a time thing and when you were in between I’m in between you have to make some choices about
where are you going to be who you are and where are you going to be who you were because every single tax form bathroom sign everything is based we do this within a culture and that culture makes certain demands on about Toronto last year about society as a system in systems are all about reducing energy and about energy expenditure and in order to inspire
you get you heard it system system I hate system listen to this packing show
people listen to this package shipped and Hispanic people I don’t know why that’s not by choice and people is going to be three hundred people are they all going to be up at moon moon or VIP moon are you can have enough people for you to go to the taco cart
people that are harmontown fans still like I think we all agree on the idea that we all connect on and the possibility of something better whatever that might be intended to get a lot of it is it that it’s in its system free I mean it’s the idea that people down so you can exist without a system you can have a communal type of governance going on and an Argyll type of governments going on but you get to a certain size in order for you can get to a certain point where you have to start dealing with the lowest common denominators have rules to accommodate for people who start who aren’t going to fit and who are going to be dicks
and that’s what laws come in there about 8 or about reducing any individual is that jump but because in Mass we are at we’ve effectively become that statistics start to take over and people are allowed to drop down in a bed of his truck and Russia in that Mill wipe you out so I’ve had some.
springing out I mean I think that the feds are going to be honest
this is something new and shout out to Dustin was hoarding it is now the official Falconer of harmontown name is Anna Kendrick and Jenna is a homesteader up in the Adirondacks she lives alone and is trying to make it as a as a farmer at it if she’s got she’s got sheep she’s got Pig she’s got a hawk she goes that you go through transgender whiskey 2 minutes away.
oh yeah I can’t talk to Bill Burr I can’t believe I can’t believe I wasted time on that dumb joke. What’s going on with you cuz if I needed you what stage do you think you’re at and what do you think is at the end of that road what’s your goal so if
30 years ago so I’m 51034 secret 30 years ago the goal was totally thumb I mean I wanted I wanted to be Madonna 30 years ago okay I still try those Rebel socks but boing number changes and I found actually that where I’m sitting about right now
hello is actually really a comfortable spot I have I have a huge huge number of people that I know that I work with every day at my job who know me is Jane I have lots of friends online and who do me is Jane who I am accepted for who I am even though I don’t have I haven’t had bottom have surgery I’m not wearing women’s clothes I think that’s bulshit cuz I’m not
credit repair so much when we have to leave or so said let’s go hang out backstage and drink James wonderful moonshine
hey Jay will you come back tomorrow and come back come back tomorrow
jcook
everybody at The Gramercy all of the heroes alcohol throughout the show picture go to your car if these people and make them senseless with money everyone is already tonight you fucking assholes stop thinking you’re one thing or another and be whoever you are
play Shane Shane
come back tomorrow night but it’s a different show there’s actually believe it or not no script so it’s a different show come back tomorrow