Episode
Episode: 251 – Brothers Killing Brothers for Some Dank Memes
Description
Dan dives into his writing process, we go deep into the meme wars, before wrapping the show up with some role playing. Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Davis, Spencer Crittenden and Steve Levy.
Transcript
yeah
my beautiful Uptown Burbank harmontown but now it’s session
Spencer Crittenden
cuz he probably has him a role in
thank you thank you very much
coming out happy summer happy birthday to you are you a dude do you need a better chair we can get you a chair and let’s put that on my vision board
are you getting sore buns over there and your plastic chair have in the past so I figured it out you know these plaid pillows we got them from from harmonquest season 2 tapings they were as mostly I think a joke by the people who furnished the the the green rooms and then they just gave it to me afterwards because they only bought them as a joke
are you mad that they that came out of the budget for your show yeah it’s really wasteful on my opinion of these pillows I don’t really have anywhere to put them when I put them on my ass
in the eighties especially in animation there was a heavy tradition of characters that could turn into other things and then they they would like I can turn into anything but he always had those belts at a little outfit but that would be stretched around the middle of the car and there was a Rubik the amazing Cube it could turn into things but he always had this whole new decaying ET head because someone said well it’s just a Rubik’s Cube we have to make it adorable and they put this fucking weird ET had on it and just any alien head for a for a cute and it was really disturbing and then not at all Rubik oriented really drifted from Rubik’s original vision
3 people only known for his cute but he saw a world of order he never intended people to mess those things up he wanted he was racist but he didn’t look at it with all white
but he saw that he met and married a wonderful Latino lady and as a result he became little less racist and that he was like oh all the let’s make this Cube like six different colors but still like so into like a separation of them and he threaded it himself with being more open-minded but he said he would pop up in the bottom of the screen and go don’t forget to separate all the races separate but equal! On the box and he thought he just thought he wasn’t racist and because that’s what white people are good at fooling themselves into thinking that all kinds of racism
is in our blood do we were good at it. That’s that’s also a harmontown I think it brings out a plan pillow that good that would be great if we were like the Super Friends and we’re just like hanging out and then turn into pillows and stuff. So it would be like Steven Universe damn where you turn into an adderal
yeah I did I mean I didn’t know this was bit was an opportunity to take shots at each other
what you would turn into an old tiny typewriter I think you would like a little little time for every time I kind of Wheels yeah I know anything like that’s why they have to retain those physical characteristic are his Super Friends is another one of them to turn into any kind of thing that involved water which included ice and a bucket to hold the water yeah and at one point I swear to God while he turned into a giant and it was like all right we’ll wait a minute and I was Superman and I can’t remember if he did that or if I was in my just bitching about it
yeah you’re not a one thats got a nice helicopter where is the verisimilitude Wonder Twins
yeah that’s my guy I know we talked about this before whatever Super Friends comes up either that’s the thing that I think is so funny is that there was a there was obviously a to put a push for diversity 70 style and they from that cartoon and they added this guy but I can’t remember the superheroes name was it El Diablo or El Dorado he was a lefty no gentleman the end but he like I just thought they just had him in the title sequence to just like maybe there was like protests happening outside of the SuperFriends building where they draw the cartoon and they’re just like
Eldorado protest right now on the streets we got to get some Mexicans on this some kind of a Darkly complected man and he just has this red cape and he and he just whips it over his face and disappears
did you never see him at the show with his he works he works for last time he’s going to walk again and Beach and there was six set of footprints labor force was carrying you sending money home and boy
say I’m a California and I mean I know him better than than the rest of the country that you know this concept that you know my heart bleeds for our for our for our wonderful friends from down south and then it must be a terrifying time for them what a great show
and it’s a project you know where it’s crazy that thing right now they’re fucking with journalists of course they started with immigrants into a bit like that you are a dozen at your next your next like you’re either going to like put on the jumpsuit and getting to the honeycomb in the Mars base or you’re going to be I mean there’s not I don’t know what people keep thinking they keep thinking like if we just are polite enough if we just like are we just stayed here to our own rules of what makes good people enough this is going to this is going to blow over it’s it’s hard to say these words but it’s just not it’s not going to stop until until it’s they have to stop stalking because then your what are you encouraging I don’t know we all have to like just sit cross-legged in the street and just eat Twinkies until the world stops turning or something I don’t know is that they can’t put all of us in prison that I don’t know what to do
I put the guest here in there that they can come in and maybe they can give us some guidance and stuff but I miss the days when the show could go for an hour without talking about Trump would suck my dick
again and then the people on the Instagram like a photo of a fuck with his face put it on a hot dog or something it’s not a fucking meme is 15 year olds going to let your meme game is weak your the losing side of a meme War motherfuker it’s called photography
people that you just came into our world larva I just like think that everything is just like these horrible and brings the size of papers they just like bad bad people and you can’t you can’t humanize them anymore and I know you’re not supposed to side with a split you’re supposed to like supposed to be the good guys were supposed to believe but I know you’re a fucking dumbass you’re terrible and your ID you make up apparently at least enough of the country just barely enough of the country that yeah the now this is all with your liberal tears mug and I just like fucking go fuck yourself I just I was going to buy a Tesla to retirement I was going to slide in the bathroom and pull you back
it’s just that you know everything’s going to Payless you know I’m going to get blacklisted you know I’m like 4 years or people are going to be like having hearings or like mr. harmony with the Mexicans like yeah yeah I tried proudly do I have that honor will drag me away
I left my house
energy El Salvadoran
she looked at me weird when I did what I did
but you invited to the wedding
I can’t talk to her why I can’t I can’t talk to her talk to her because we have the same housekeeper is Sophie and she’s the fucking keys MacGyver she fixes and she’s really good damn I mean she fixed you fix broken English language super badass hard-working when she can wear it talk about Harvey when she first started working for you. I am the guy who is in every conversation is always going to like the 5th time you say what you feel like a dick like so then I just like
riddled with social anxiety like I admit I made up my mind at some point I guess and then go ahead laugh it up when I say this that I could get through this life without offending anyone hahaha hahaha but your Dan Harmon you’re like a pariah you only offend people put my foot in my mouth or whatever I just I just riddled I’m riddled with social anxiety I just don’t want to be the bad guy. I want to say no to people with jet ski and I just did I just
because I don’t want to I don’t want to because I don’t want to tell the third person they wants to get a photo after the shelter talk for 2 hours and I don’t want what do you say no what are you doing say no to somebody that’s crazy you don’t think I was so instead I was rude Behavior I just fucking throw down ninja balls and testicles
when you when they hit the floor and they admit us sound it’s the it’s the it’s the sound of the of the Ninjas heart dying and it’s so spiritually distracting that you don’t notice someone running away in the movies they characterize at the smoke
but now people know if they want to get get to you after the show to hang out by the jetski that’s a threat it’s a Tesla jet ski
you saw mr. must tweeting about it they’re here just for us like feeling part of a white glove program on check it out
so you’ve decided against getting the Tesla now or I just got to go to Tesco okay unlike the one of the one I’ve definitely money comes into the harm in Empire and I definitely like I put it back out into the fields you know like I plant more seeds I go like all well let’s let’s meet with these people on let’s let’s do this out-of-pocket let’s let’s start this or that I don’t know it just kind of like what what moreover it’s not about me being philosophical it’s about me to like instead of taking jobs that pay I kind of told her I’d use this project that’s kind of will pay off later so I am kind of largely what you you are a rich person would call broke
I don’t really look at the actual bank statements but I believe he’s like the blood leaves his face is like a thermometer like fake like he looks at it and I’m like how you doing what’s going on pretty good and it sounds like treatments I learned how to write this weekend so I can finally
I mean I really I was like I can’t cuz I are you going to therapy and and and and you know I look like I’ve said in the past and Dylan can you please help me out I don’t know why I sometimes write very slowly and and and
like like for a while. Just breathe and then and then like what just like I’ll take you through meditation and just you know yeah I mean he is but or she but it’s like and she’s like just say to God like you take care of the quality I’ll take care of the quantity and I was like okay that’s good I’ll take care of the Quan
just saying what everyone keeps saying to me which is right faster
through God under the bus and just like so then I didn’t bring it up for a couple weeks but then I went into that was a really jammed up on this treatment and I and I was just that you just torture was like have these modes of operation where you you’ve seen if you if you’re a fan of mine that you you know I can like I can like I’ll do a thing around 10 unless I go look up fast and that’s pretty good for a snake typing and then also collaborate with other people to collaborate with writers and then I had to let go of this Terror I had of letting people see my process and it is so I was explaining that to her and she said it goes to a cafe cuz you know you want to be seen riding
and she’s like well I don’t know if those people are facts or not but it is it is it can’t be good to be seen riding it like make them feel like they got to keep writing or something I’m like okay all right they’re not they’re the good people but no that’s not me I’ve never done that which is interesting data like next to Cody if I was on an airplane like because she wouldn’t be part of the process so but I work good with collaborators at and performances I was like oh okay so there’s something going on here but I used to know or the people for the people providing and let me off the hook cuz they’re kind of like get out there if they’re okay with whatever is going on and she’s like you’re using your performing you can listen to everyone’s looking up your skirt and they’re saying I like that
I was like okay yeah
and she’s like I’m so Wednesday and so it’s these times when you say okay I’ll go do that a load and then I’ll bring my work back that it’s like I was like yeah I guess it’s like saying okay let me go away for three hours and I’m going to really do something great under my skirt and then come back and lift it up and it’s like what are you supposed to do that she’s like yeah I see so
peace out
I know you guys are going to go like oh that doesn’t help me write it all fuck you is my $200 I’m just telling you what I learned
she’s as she goes
you don’t tell me like I was like a like a like a like a memory of you writing I have told you guys a story brother got caught playing with matches and I was with him and and then wait till your dad gets home and then my my my mom said while your dad’s coming home why don’t you write one of those stories you be right and about a boy that gets caught playing with matches and and then lives to regret it and I wrote the story and then I got mad and I was like at the end of the story of the little boy like write such a good story that the moms like you know your dad doesn’t have to spank you now and that was a story I gave it to my mom and she was like
this is amazing I Do by the endings
I think that’s kind of like a you know I’ve been salvaged eyes that story but I do also think that that is truly she’s like yeah when you’re weren’t you working and she said so tell me about God in your work and I said okay this is going to be hard to explain but it’s the cosmos its life itself whatever the Dow it’s Isis that’s what Isis worship Isis that’s why they’re called Isis they worshipped the Greek Goddess Isis
better be amazing that you could see how they would be alright
are you chat burglars is that knowing we hurt people real bad okay well then it’s not funny I guess it was real funny
go to
well I love that loved and have a shot at Sam’s Town
get out of here Isis
everyone’s everyone’s at the theater recommender
Patron
so you talk about God so I said what has been my standard answer which is you have to you have to do you have to be there you have to put a hole in your chest and like God comes through and because God can’t write he’s like
you know you can write on Stone with lightning
well I mean you going to like bringing the stone or something
did that happen in the Bible and Moses my for forever is making an omelet
I got that if the Piezo getting tired of walking up and down the mountain with your tablet says it can we can we streamline this process
I think God finally like this is like it we’re we’re rolling in an hour and got goes down the hill and like David Mills just lays on the set and Shout dialog out What actors perform
so I said you know you can put a you put a hole in yourself so that God comes through you don’t want to impede it and you know you want that hole is wide and as as as as as possible and like it’s going to scrape the edges of your whole
and that’s your voice that’s your style but like people mistake that for meeting I know you going to make that whole cookies shaped you can tell that I wrote the shit out of it looks like that’s somebody that’s like their whole isn’t circular it’s not like pure you know so will you please let God just do his work here he’s trying to and he can’t write because he has to use tablets otherwise that’s not part of it
so she said so what I’m hearing is this process involves the removal of your heart and that you that you can fuck up by being too there the moment when God is there and you to the extent that he’s there you have to not be there as part of the process all right. Your therapy and she’s like so what do you think the other people are for my like do you do you do believe you really believe in God do you think he crashed it and I believe the nothingness / infinity has a hundred percent chance of deciding to explode into everything makes sense
I dropped out of college make sense to me how do I watch to Nova so I think there’s an Impulse to all of existence is that it was just that that prefers existence overnight existence has a tendency there’s a Consciousness and yet it’s so vast and we’re all part of it but yeah I think there’s something ineffable that like if you kind of like if you’re if you’re on its side or if it sees benefit in letting you do your thing than you you have better luck I guess like you call it karma or something or you just sort of like or maybe just look at it like there’s a there’s a balance to the universe so if you’re out of the moment you $10 I have shity days because you’re trying too hard and then when you’re in the moment if you let you know you have those days are you feel like you’re in the zone and that’s cuz you just surrender to nothingness your cuz that’s like now is none like you just kind of like
been a long and your your tooting your horn and your you’re blowing your friends and you’re just having
exercise
and you’re and you’re telling me with your laughter you’re saying it doesn’t matter you can fuck up and say to your horn blow your friends we like that we like everything that you do because we know that it’s happening in the moment and we like when you widen your whole so much that we don’t scrape its edges
so she’s like well don’t you think that what it is because I was like I don’t know how to collaborate community and I think I kind of came up with this one I’m going to get myself credit I was like I think that what that means is that I lacked something that I gained from collaboration and I didn’t go back to writing a loan because it would be like going off of heroin you know back to just cold turkey but neither thing was actually what you’re supposed to be doing you’re supposed to somehow be generating the Adoration are you supposed to like love yourself and self-care you’re supposed to a tone with a guide that actually is glad that you exist and is thankful that you are writing it doesn’t share it doesn’t think that there’s any way for you to fuck up because good writer bad writer whatever it’s like God’s like Jeff Bridges in Star man he’s just hanging out he’s going like
it’s like it was the show.
This is really weird. That’s my go-to reference at
I think it’s cuz that my wga orientation there was a they were on the table and like tell the story of how you got to the wga and somebody was like I wrote a Nash Bridges and I just thought that was so funny cuz they worked at Nash Bridges and then someone got sick and then they’re like I can write Nash Bridges and I was like this story does not like reflect well on Nash Bridges to the Nash Bridges office and wheel fell on someone from the salt truck and I just they said he would do if he was in Texas I don’t know where pepper experience was like maybe he sneezes and I won an Emmy on here I am
now I have a dental plan is but the pepper industry that they act like it’s an honor to work for that is like Hollywood’s Fair
so the bottom line is you do and you’re like oh I’m a Dan Harmon fan easiest I hate God you’re smart I love you you’re fine because I am God I love you
because I believe in God because how old would you be this special if there was nothing out there like what do you think is coursing through me fucking Magnets
you think I was just born on a rock that had like a weird angle to it you don’t believe in it cuz you’re like damn then that means he hates me
be holy then
no but I like I’m not like some people get so triggered by this fucking G word lily like oh is a dance like a man like it is Tom Hanks volleyball it’s like it’s like you need you need a mythology you’re a primate you have your born with equipment that spontaneously generate mythology why would you I’m not saying why would you but you also it also generates the science and that’s like very we need way more atheists in Skeptics and we need way more science right now then we do we need the other thing but but I’m just saying you do have the software and Hardware in your head that like you you actually have to like suppress it like you tend to invent shit in your head when you’re looking for a parking spot in your life man I missed that spot because I should have been a dick to that Barista like you just you viewed always do it like you and enjoy your visit with you while you watch stories and movies and TV that you like they they’re all like circling
round like this concept that there’s an order to the universe because you’re a sentient monkey and it’s really fucked up like we we we got we got mentally ill when we became conscious like we were just animals and we were like running around and their other animals reading us we’re eating them and it was like this is great it’s a game of Monopoly like who cares it’s fun like like it’s not fun for us cuz we don’t have claws and we’re just like getting their ass kicked cuz we’re like she came up with this idea of being a monkey that can’t be in a tree and then and then we we just kind of exploded one day who knows maybe since your brain gets to a certain size maybe if you eat enough muscles I don’t know but but did you get enough Vitamin B or something and they were like
you just do your born and then you die and then we like to look down at the gazelle brain
Jesus Christ
and then we calm down enough to get through the day but we’re just like you Kate you know or has so much less complicated than talia’s had something to do with Jerusalem now it’s goes back to thirty thousand BC and it’s like a off of if you’re enjoying it or this thing was freaking out if you’re not in the signal is the nothing you know you can’t do anything till I like like like make the bad things not happen to good people you can’t you don’t know when an eyeballs are going to fall out of my head or weird Czechoslovakia and Company is going to print business cards that allows the people to be a secret Harry Potter Society for the blowtorches people’s faces when
stuff that people can do
where can I buy that lady that just wants to lay in a bath and likes to use their sights on the what are you talking about I have no idea
I fell off
train like it’s one of those hostile movies
a whole tub there she had don’t you know that I like that’s pretty how many how many women has she bathed in the blood of and change it up like she did she think it makes her strong is is in that movie is that what other day there’s no magic in that movie as if she like a jump higher when she did it then I’d be like okay well that’s what happened like slick how high she can jump if she doesn’t want to jump lower that’s that’s that’s what happened she’s dependent on the blood but I would assume that after a while she’d like helping me
so I’m going to try just yogurt and sitting at home and save 500 Grand
okay so anyways I’m just saying I’m just saying life is like like we are like God to us like like like when he doesn’t exist is like Eli Roth like like like it’s like he’s like for the hands of a Maniac like log could fall on on my caveman friend and then it’s like not his fault was not my fault I just fell in love oh now I feel a lump in my baby in lake lake lake lake you just you just run all the shity things that you do you like I’d I killed the tiger for killing my baby another tiger likes its heart looks like my heart and like I can’t take it I can’t take it there’s no cocaine invented yet I can’t like deal with this I got a guy just running around my cave I’m going to freak out freaking out
accidents on smartypants caveman was like you know like while look here’s the thing I mean Thunder happens that’s Angels bowling and the guys that go on go on
you singing my tune that tiger killed your baby you got baby points you’re going to get those back later
when you become a tiger in the next life
and the angels are going to know that’s just a cosmetology that’s like they don’t even know what’s going on
okay you just explaining Thunder ya don’t let the Thunder freak out on your tiger points
where do you redeem your tiger baby points in the in the afterlife or innocent in this life you go to confession and you say bless you father caveman for I died had died had bad diabetic and the Titleist thoughts I have two tiger points and one baby point and the end of the fighter caveman says like what you might as well just say one Tiger Point because baby point is the opposite of a tiger fight okay I’ve been told that but your your your your ruling class doesn’t let us learn math so well there’s a reason for that we don’t want everybody just starting a random religion about every animal they see you got to keep this fucking shit out under your team hat
I understand
all right well I can’t we do each have an invented hinges or slides or knobs yet so we’re just sitting in a rock at a booth
so why are you telling me that I don’t know I just did get I start I guess I’m feeling like plagued with guilt being again. I’ve caveman priest like I died I don’t I don’t I don’t provide any food are you unloading who’s confessing here
he’s laying this on me I don’t even know maths I’m a caveman I’m going to start a religion of Peace of shit
and that caveman name was Martin Luther Martin Luther King senior presents peel Rock up a rope what are you doing
bulle Rock
didn’t want to say stoneberg
to Jewish on the
I got away with it hatched it back then the not The Flintstones movie the show it was like it was all based took like a character was like a comic book that they were just rip off their act and they make him in the animals
all that Phil Silvers is a really funny why don’t we just make him a dolphin and
I don’t know
I don’t know what I’m talking about Phil Silvers was on everything him and Don Adams run every cartoon in some form or other Korman
I guess but I guess they didn’t expect it to run as long as it did because gas hasn’t been invented yet because not enough dinosaurs who died to create gas
to just be alive back then like
I just did it again I don’t know none of us could have jobs you know the television less power louder than Consolidated I would have been just like I would have been a welder
cuz I lived it I was born in Milwaukee out of been a welder
Arabic like City sculpture in the backyard people try to get out of Milwaukee
leave me alone
welding of a bicycle rim do a x-ray sculptured to prove to my mom’s now I’ve learned my lesson about playing with matches
all right so I said I says to the therapist guy says that’s how it works as well just be there and let the guy to hit you in the back and going to your body and then you’ll be like it’s fun to write a review soccer you’re slow I was like you’re right so I can write on a right now
Spencer what’s going on in politics oh let me tell you
all right you guys hear about this Tower fire and now London Town was a while ago
that happens it was a real mess health and safety is a big part of governmental responsibilities towards society and they really did not hold up their end of the bargain and you see the results of that is very tragic and man it makes you wonder what it what you think when people are value the safety of the American people
Plaza capitalism
that was the end of Spencer’s politan I really deliver
capitalism needs to be it’s a great system it’s worked very well it needs to be augmented as in all of your pocket apps with a additional Mana currency something about this country from the App Store not just something you can generate internally because then you can cheat at the game you don’t have to pay anything I think we should flog yourself I know you can get you you can get away those crystals does that that alternate currency is political influence isn’t it so high right now man what you high no way man before it’s Joe. Professional I thought I know I mean is he chasing the dragon, it’s too real to your point back to you you think we use the highest you’ve ever been really say too.
Enter the Dragon February 24th Episode Bach was there but he was a hero from martial arts films I think this record high
why are you trying to ask me to remember an episode in which I was high
yeah this flawed logic then I guess yeah and I feel like on that can I delivered reasonably well
I’m not it’s fine you guys are fine you’re more than living up to your side of the bargain audience
the drunkest show had to be Nashville maybe for you and then for me probably San Francisco towards the end of that too right I did I don’t remember being in San Francisco for that check I was just at its up during Island
surface kitchen
sure she brings up the drinking like like like she knows she can tell she has to use his family guy as a as a reference to a deal-breaker the second time she did it
therapist
if you if you use Family Guy as common ground to Tatanka me about our therapist
I have a cartoon you could watch
a n n n n g set I saw I saw an episode of it somebody was puking everywhere
my mother
but she knows she knows she knows the minute that I would come in and she beg how’s your day by the way first thing I got to say is that show is amazing I feel like three weeks later I’d be like gone
sick as I got there is something sick about it I think she knows that she sees a lot of writers and people work in TV and stuff so I think she knows I don’t know if I don’t think she’s lying when she said she’s going to become a fan of this windbag you know because Heatley all is because of his hole for all his problems stem from his ability to like manipulate and control sacrificing of the status that she needs to have in that room for me to listen to her about like I tried to watch Family Guy three times because people kept telling me how good it is that show sucks
it sucks not funny it’s not you can see every joke coming a mile away is so whacked out of this animation
I’ll say is I’ve heard about the show I know if I have lots of people that worked on it and I know that that your objection to Rick and Morty can’t be a guy was puking I’ve heard voices on that shower top yeah people even puke on that show Rob’s Rob’s been sending me those little voice messages you could do A9 messages and their impressions of Peter Griffin hey Spencer it’s me and it’s just like he’s just a hope you have a good morning
can you play on your phone do you have any handy let me see stretch
I really need you to cover for me
I was listening to Daft Punk today while I was riding with Mike McMahon who is that we’re working on his treatment that we’ve been spending all this time by Daft Punk was on he likes Daft Punk I don’t know anything about Daft Punk and I and it was a
and it was an album like they just say I don’t know how recent it is but they didn’t album those kind of like outfitted them making music with fans or something like that so there’s like an interview on the album with like a guy who invented the drum machine or the metronome or something like that this is a there’s a guy talking in robot voice there are like a robot a robot voice like not share auto tune voice but just like take me to funky town robot voice like like old-school cylons that take it I will make you 40
before I’m 50 I’m going to retire and you’re going to take over and I’m going to be I’m going to be in the Caymans
counting my Michael Jackson Chimp movie money
$100 from Netflix
I really going to iron grip on this industry
I’m sure they pay very fairly haven’t closed my deal of Life can you catch me up in the filter is that is that the Daft Punk man is he like as it is is it is there like at lead singer and does he does he do a lot of robot singing and end makes it less like they’re largely a instrumental in their French so I don’t think they would want to sing because it would just sound weird cuz they be like you must listen to the robots and I thought that was really funny
we must listen to serova
I wrote it down fuck you
I knew it wasn’t going to I knew it was somewhere tonight moment we have there was a robot antithetical French stuff is to robot stuff it’s not like something you think about but then you got like each other on the color wheel no good reason but just kind of funny the idea of a French robot or a French French robotics I’m sure they’re very capable emergency that thing of purchase I think about the way that I asked Danny a girl robotics team that couldn’t get in the country and could both be like like like like like
when be concerned you just turned away a bunch of people that were like oh I know why I’m not going to cause any trouble is because I don’t want to be the world of technology and all this shit in the back to back to Afghanistan with you but but but one thing has changed about you on this trip you now hate America
and if your ankle is that it was that we don’t want to have gained any robot robot ladies here because they’re against the American way we put us on the moon like like I don’t understand what is what is what is the mentality I don’t understand what is coming next week do we have the guys I think it was a guy thing
Daddy, can we have the other members of your hair last week with Dan been a little little Daft Punk stutter and not knowing that was a sweetheart I don’t know if I want to hear it
all right I’ll tell you like I’ll take I’ll take the time off I’ll listen to a listen to the show it’s kind of long that is it
ok Google hair benefit in the morning and we had enough for saying look I’ve said it before, and so who am I talking to there’s some racist listening who’s like that’s what I needed to hear Let me just try let me just try racist who’s listening
racist harmontown fan white racist Hartmann jump at like like like okay so right now you are proud of your race right, I’m hearing you say yes
the reason you’re proud of your race is because it’s better than other races you’re an idiot you are do you know you’re dumb don’t you
we go talk to you think you’re going to have a job in the white racist Empire and where they’re going to they’re going to Outsource like they get so fucking Secretary of Defense position you’re not special the reason you’re proud of your races because it’s the only thing Republicans couldn’t take from you before you were born it’s your you’re proud of the only thing that they can’t be stripped off of your body and put in the mail to the government like just realize that what you think is being proud of your race as you actually been proud of being poor and proud of being a working-class person and then look around you and understand that you’re wrong about everything you’re wrong about it only takes five seconds to beat to I forgot to hurt it’s just going to hurt for 5 seconds no one’s going to crawl in jeepers creepers and can come take your eyes cuz you’re wrong about everything
he wants your pants you don’t even have any it doesn’t you don’t have anything that’s why you’re mad and you’re not going to get a jet ski or a jet ski. How these people work or you can Google it you can look back they don’t help the Working Man they don’t do it they don’t turn around and thank you so much thank you for helping us you were pretty racist that’s how we got to the top of a racist here’s your money here’s your money they’d never do that last part they never make it raining on racists
be just like fucking they go secretly have sex with exotic women in some dungeon somewhere and while they spend all of your labor doing wars that won’t work because all I really want is to justify their own emergency like they just got out of there they played the big Donald Trump knows that everywhere he goes and things start falling apart and he knows when things start falling apart you have to be to start making rules go out the window so he’s at and he doesn’t understand rules so he’s just going to stand in the middle of America and go like here I am and he’s just like we did here at Buckle and he loves it and we keep going you’re making it but he’s like nah
do you know who he is he loves that he’s never going to be shamed into submission someone go arrest him
go arrest him or don’t I’m 44 I live in a big hill in a blue State I got a gun and a bunch of water
I’m not telling this to you racist person to to to the lake help me you’re going to wash my car no matter what you’re a you’re a racist
when I get a title after you lost a little higher ground on that one cuz I’m cool like Alec Baldwin
no I’m not doing it reason I’m not doing it is because I know I got a big mouth and I’m going to be dead but I’ll just say this and then the races can stop listening I got a gun like stop saying shit in my Instagram and like a zero-sum like you’re not going to make me change like you got to come get me and I got a gun
you know
maybe maybe don’t
maybe I’ll put that hook in the water
and how much how much water did you say you have
I need an image of the one guy I think I’m going to be home cuz I’ve been watching likely is Jan-Michael Vincent movies like defiance
you just put nails in boards underneath all the windows and then when they come in there like it’s kind of like Home Alone original
five nights at the original home alone it said it like
exact
I was working for other people
the Orion right weather
somebody make that remix
who made that exact question or something
is it the Russia thing it’s like a it’s like a white country right that’s like the unspoken the saying like that’s why everyone’s like who cares if they’re the people on the badminton spoken raisin identity thing the Russians are the true eurasians there’s stuff out there
like that so it’s like it’s like oh yeah I mean it’s like man alright let’s just do it let’s dance white people can’t dance
Civil War
with drones
Toys R Us drones
there’s going to be like funking hand grenades falling off of your roof inside somebody’s drone in you’re going to be like that sounds like that sounds like a Rick and Morty drone from topic
for some memes for some dank memes
I hope they were real dank
how dank do you think your memes currently
I bought a iPad 10.5 inch pro with Pro motion technology embedded in the glass that has a variable refresh rate
variable not like random I think this might be selectively variable
systematic I didn’t exist for that guess
it was I wasn’t it wasn’t a bad guess but it was that was so kind for that for just like really is it just like saying it was an okay guy. You should have said at this lab systematic
and you should have you should have had your hand on the end like a systematic
is that what it was worth it
I’ve got
I don’t handle this I mean everything is systematic
except love
wow
who’s that guy. It was that guy doing what was that guy was he doing so you got the messages has Peter Griffin Peter Griffin would see if this works huh it’s not going to
I can plug into mine if you want if you want to I’ve been we all can
when I was very young
is it making any sound I guess I would hear it if it were give it to you wait 5
oh okay sorry everybody let’s cut this whole episode
I’ve been on fire know you’ve been on fire
that’s an assault plug that that it was with Britney Spears
it is likely that the volume is up can you play it from the town that can we even maybe raise the volume a little bit more
hey Spencer
and I wanted to remind you to watch Family Guy on Fox
I want forty of those you have another one he leaves multiple there was one other one but they get disappeared sync to save it so it’s still satisfying I love those pretty good
he had a wife when he was on the show too old that’s just what he says I don’t know I don’t leave them but yeah
what was what was Rob misbehaving during Norman Lear how much more can I burn
how much God can I let through me
I’ll see us find out
women be Shoppin but you got passes through you and what was my therapy story about it’s I’m saying I’d I used to let God go through the whole now God comes in he don’t get out until 4.
we’re like hot God like a leprechaun that I wished for the gold of good writing but just God want to get out he probably wants to get out Miss his old life from time to time but he wanted to see what it’s like to be me
I can’t I can’t I can’t let him out I’m not God I went through our Garden of the Gods inside you I can’t easy egg is nothing I can do about it
thank God you just don’t want God to get out cuz he’s not going to be got any more than I should have gotten there is not coming back in 4 weeks the devil now you’re making it sound like I really tricked God because I was really the devil and I trapped him and now I have all God’s power and I’m actually the devil here are two people with my liberal virtue signaling
into an antichrist movement that appears on its face to be a holy cult that’s how I can get you and then you have the number Harmon on your head
and then it’s like Doomsday and it turns out Trump was Christ
for the children think about it
like would you or you would you if you were the Antichrist would you come back as a person who looked exactly like the Antichrist at the acted like him as it is Jesus is come back in the form of Donald Trump and because he’s a he’s we’re literally going to crucify him but you need a reason
nothing working Siri I
I had another series that he’s he’s eight seats weirdest today’s it were in his dream because he’s just like he’s the old he’s like we’re all just like we just took us this long to start realizing I guess he’s about to die and his dream will ever hold a blessing like like we walked around thinking we’re a part of this like regular world but we didn’t know we were just like in the rent in the Jacob’s Ladder the scenario I guess so but we’re all Macaulay Culkin
oh yeah we’re back at home alone again
sounds like a joke but it is if I tell you who he is kind of a spoiler cuz he’s Tim Robbins dead son
news guy that owns a lot like a spoiler it sounds a lot like it
where is Macaulay Culkin season all right I think he would say yes but I think like I’m ejected reports and then he seems like he he’s not well
crack that he is if you see him out that he’s so he could use a hug and maybe like some broccoli
but you know who hang out with him Seth Green we could have sat down and we can ask him how is Macaulay going to look it up or call me I’m bringing some broccoli
hug the shit out of him
but when McCauley comes we’re going to put boards with nails and all the windows
if I can get that guy
you guys saw the Theory online that Macaulay Culkin’s character in home alone and grows up to become jigsaw
it’s pretty well-thought-out the time works it works really well in that Home Alone happened before some movies I can tell from the tone of your voice that you’re about to prove me wrong so I think that’s very sound if you’re saying that whole point of sable vastika high-fiving you know the comments on your comment because I might be right or I might be wrong but of course the timing works what movie is set up a 1 carat he’s a kid and then presumably jigsaws older so yeah that works out perfectly
how would it not how would that not work stay down down stay down there’s a lot of flashbacks to like he works at a soup kitchen in the eighties or something so maybe it doesn’t work so there
but then there’s that Flash Forward in Home Alone 3 where he’s working at that soup kitchen
what is that what is that talk boy say what’s the filthy animal kids that’s the only one I remember someone says that it’s in the commercial and it says that in the commercial I hate kids were home early and they kids were home early and then my boyfriend he gets uncomfortable cuz he was getting a little close so you know
Oso in the commercial using it to freak out. Sounds like yeah it’s 91111 remember that video we saw only a part of the audience cheers for 911
I was hotter up here that I was down there but probably not as probably going to go but you guys are on top of each other no roaches love the they they’re the same word for it they love their more comfortable when they’re on top of each other that’s nice feels the way you feel when you see a roach hear a Jewish man from New York to be interesting to find out wait hold on let’s go to a break-in attempt
all right let’s go to a break for a while word from one of our sponsors that you don’t have to listen to if you paid $5 a month gray and I’m going to show you some special things and if he didn’t pay five dollars you can fast-forward like everybody else does a special deal with it what are you guys going to his iPad
we really are taking a break will the thing is this isn’t actually going to get kicked out of these people are actually still human beings sweating in front of a break a roach but as Walter Matthau
dried photos milk
so this is obviously this is the photo app manager and chief for the greatest greatest photo editing app for the iPad but yeah I was I was doing this thing with
you’re going to like
I spent a long time looking this like I made like his his dad Nick creepy it’s almost as creepy as this
I think it’s going to be a new like a new a new hobby or fetish of my leg like a racing people’s faces and just leave it like like like like what their head would look like if the skin was just there just a skinhead pic he looks like a like a thumb with a fungal thing going on
I didn’t I didn’t like spinach you know I was just doing this backstage and whatever I’m not going to do it in front of you guys I do want you in on this process but I don’t know maybe this could be an app the app that lets you swap your face I’m a square with the president have to be a square is always a square just trying to have fun I don’t I’m not making dank memes
and I’m not trying to offend you if I really I really I really resent that I like the idea that I’m like I’m like you make me so mad because it’s a little little urchins these little fucking monster boys like that they make dank memes and that’s how we packed the presidency of the old what are you trying to do cuz all I put Trump’s head on a naked lady was like is that supposed to hurt us know I don’t think about you hate you like I’m in the fucking like President head of a naked lady cuz I’m cool on HUB alert pop-ups
power is down or back until like pantyhose and tights and things and I stumbled into this this this this new branch of porn and sometimes I think it’s driven by a bike if you’re like riding in a deadline I found that Cody has found this too cuz she was like she’s writing it off she’s in self-imposed Lake Retreat right now writing and she she was like damn 5-hour Energy’s and I was like wait did you combine with adderal cuz
fat 5-hour Energy Plus adderal is like foreign folder like you’re going to make some discoveries
you hear that you’re going to do you’re going to you’re going to you’re going to boldly go some days I like I ended up that there’s this whole like it’s it’s strapped on the lesbian strap-on porn like it’s like starts with like two women in pantyhose and then one of one of them puts it but it’s not it’s strapless strapless because there’s a little thing was a little dildo part that goes into the vagina of the woman that’s going to do the the the the endowment
the Testaments are with the with the dildo but then also a lot of them they have like a money shot because they have like a it’s like a special effect dildo and then the woman pulls out in like since I guess since they know you know it’s fake they they they they can just go with a copious amount so it’s like a like a weird art piece since it’s like slow motion
how do they what’s the trigger system on a late like maybe the guy has like a tube under the deck or something and then like cut to a different angle and then I’ll be like I just like well that doesn’t really I mean year you jump the shark here like it doesn’t really you should give you just did that but showed up on the bat like I didn’t know women like like like beautiful women in there in there and then there is high def and then there I don’t have to I got like eight or nine videos now that I’m like I feel so Cosmopolitan I’m I’m in the lake lesbian strap-on action
weather weather crazy Rick Baker special effects come shot that is so kind of you I love that I feel like I should
I listen to MPR
and we’re back public radio I am so is there is there are with the with the handle for that ironic that I felt so just a little bit of judgment from you but you’re writing this down the cap is on my pain you can’t wait
to hear this cuz you want to know I’m just curious not to you admit it
it had me to remember it says like I want to say strapless dildo cam
Trotter’s field field do is the name of the of what those things are right
hahaha feel do field while you’re doing the strap on that just like I make sense it’s kind of like a progressive
what are the potentially everyone’s a winner yeah everyone’s a wiener
everyone has a wiener inside them
everyone is a window ever
I’m going to get back to you on this one let me know it’s not about whether you win or lose
how you play the game now
Amazon that good let’s bring Steve Levy up to the stage
hey
what do we have playback on that sound like a chair that was squeaking so I can use mine I thought it was you what’s the weirdest we can out on legal meth legal mess I don’t take that all I know will just roll with this
I don’t have you ever done any drugs any illegal substance know what are you to drink at all Steve Levy I don’t have never had a drink in my life really able to think about checking doesn’t count to to get me basted which is where they they take vodka in a turkey baster and shove it up your ass and squeeze it out and get drunk really fast you find out who your friends are
no, I don’t always hurt you feel better. That’s called a slow Thanksgiving
it’s like a slow news day
that’s fucking basting is that what you’re saying it’s all about the thrill Chuck Yeager of getting drunk it gets here drunk. I’m sure it’s the same
squeeze squeeze it is near the Mount of bobcat side you gettin basted it sounds great
it’s amazing that idea I didn’t have friendships like that where it was like like okay put this in my but like I’m not like that like like like at an age when you’re most defensive and all that stuff but then you hear stories like peoples of sexual development like Blake people summer camp stories and things was like different like everybody has like a weird story from their life like there’s nobody got through with it would anyone would describe as a normal sexual development like the everyone has like one thing that would make other people go wait what wow but like I told you guys what the humping the pillows with my friend but this is like
I think it might have been our first year of college we were hanging out in our friends from high schools house and we’re hanging out and I won’t say his name but it’s a good friend of mine to this day interesting sexually active at a very young age guy like having sex with like married women when he was like in high school and stuff like that and that we’re sitting around drinking and the guy whose house it was father was like a sheriff we’re going to Wake County Sheriff from the we’re just hanging around and they had a Cocker Spaniel and my friend just call him
Dale goes to the kitchen takes peanut butter puts it all over his dick and calls the Cocker Spaniel and the dog loved it mixed team tool they all seem to love it
he won’t care if I can happen if I can let it go
my friend Mick all right how do you watch the dog lick peanut butter off his balls and he was like if you knew him for 5 seconds to pick 3 times he was weird like we’re leaving we’re going somewhere else so this reminds me of the conversation I had with Rob schrab last weekend I was trying to put it up on the I don’t know but that’s okay I’ll just I’ll just try
damn I know that I get I get
person that happens I get a random text from shrub I’ll show it to Harmon it’s a it’s a picture looks like it’s a picture of a uncircumcised guy naked with a Cheeto in his mouth
no I mean we should show this to everybody
we’re sharing the photo of chi.
This is going to be alright podcast Paradise
that’s a cheese puff bigger than a Cheeto
so yeah I guess I conversation
I said why and he said sorry and I said haha and he said did you see that soccer player to a Rick and Morty reference and I said I miss you hope you’re doing well I said hi no I didn’t know about I can’t I can’t believe he hasn’t said anything and I said send me the clip I don’t know if it’s whatever you sent it to me right
yeah
Spencer you want to explain for the people who leave the $5 this one and it played tattoo in an old man or woman lying watching a man’s dick is like my towel down to the field and soccer
10 / 3 * 3 seconds is a clip of a about to hit a baseball and then videos like that where it’s like your sense of anticipation as a viewer is because something’s about to happen like a baseball is about to get hit or somebody’s about to impact and then I will cut to like a crazy porn clips cuz I got a woman getting hit in the face with a giant dick or something and this one was a soccer game and a guy’s about to kick what will either be a goal or not so now you’re interested you leaned in and it cuts to as his foot in packs the Bali cut to a man laying in a field with multiple cows around him kissing a ZR1 County Schools kissing his ear no nipple play
but why the main, I’ll call him is
is is just a it looked I mean it’s on his penis I guess I hope I hope I hope he thinks it’s an honor not a not a field it was it’s just her because the cows like going up and down and that’s just it was an unfortunate Clips are received and I did send it to you I didn’t send you the guys that he sent it to me if you got to be so relaxed and he was so still have to stay still do for the kids to get the cows the car that’s like seagull seagull hunting right did I tell you guys about the time that I scared a bunch of buffaloes
no though like I was camping on catalytic lines you scared the whole Buffalo then your I got a camping in Catalina Island and there is just a bunch of Buffalo had wandered in and so I snuck into the middle of the the pile of Buffalo or whatever not a pile it was like a group and then I played a really loud sound like an emergency siren and then all the Buffalo like scattered in all directions but I didn’t realize it One Direction and ran me over that I could have just been murdered on an island that you just before Stampy that you were could have been right in the middle of it is what it is really dumb way to die I think I’m dumb sure I said we need to like we need to hire like a person who’s just in charge of Talia we can go like I’m sure I’ve said this before and then that person could go yes you did leave alcoholic like a deputy
but as I was sitting with Dino and talking about Buffalo is buffalo meat or something like that in like buffalo meat Buffalo and he’s like yeah they’re fine there’s like a million of them or whatever I might be safe Buffalo that fast is always endangered species that any any said well if you ever seen a female buffalo and he and he he whistled he did though I can’t whistle is a whistle while his hands formed the perfect outline of a buffalo
I mean it’s like
there was a hieroglyphic of a buffalo he just traded it with his hands while making that whistle that was the funniest
and then Trump got elected
are the place in DNA before we have to get the hell out of here
all right sure memes
all right last time on harmontown you guys were entering or breaking and entering the fill household you were trying to get inside because the local prior had told you to do so Junior climbed in the window and subdued Tom and everyone broke in the house and started a fire in there was a pretty simple underneath the beds definite ankles shanking at your legs but you overcame that was holy water on the demon and purged it from the body of clip
call DeYoung Styx
saving the day and leaving the family in disarray you put out the fire and watched as the ghost left the house beaming to beckon you as it did so that’s where we are
I like that I give do I have any money I give them like four gold pieces for the trouble with Mark is Mark it down on my sheet
I’m not going to pretend we did everything right with your with your situation
we rolled in we improvised there was collateral damage but your son’s no longer goes to fight and we’re going to we’re going to continue to try to make this Countryside safe for good people
yeah okay the guys did that goes outside that just left Clips body is beckoning I said we follow that ghost we’re going to follow archers ghost I’m already here earlier because it’s son that’s true that we can’t hurt him so is it is it the demons dead demon got killed too. It’s so sorry our daughter I mean it’s not a big deal
didn’t you
all right so where are you at work
we run downstairs so I ran downstairs and then they go off in pursuit of the ghosts are a it’s a it seems to be going a bit north towards the edge of town the location of the graveyard even though I don’t need it because I’m following it goes I use no Direction so I can just turn north oh it’s that way all right
why do you use that
level 0 spell yes good while we’re walking notes diarrhea how do you think that went down what would we do right would we avoid I wasn’t you know I got caught up in the moment and
I wasn’t really paying attention to what you guys are doing is Woody Woodpecker’s or I’m really ashamed of myself and I let fear take over I should just talk to that woman before acting so violently you know it wasn’t very Church lie of me
well we’re a different kind of church around here to kick butt and you know
Texas
diarrhea I said I don’t I think that it’s this is what this is what it’s all about it’s about penitence and after the fact like it’s not whether you make mistakes to buy how you repair so good job like I’ll tell you what I did wrong everything like I I I ran my mouth I got to hang back and I got to slow my roll I haven’t been out of the place that I was before the adventure started in awhile I’m taking some classes at my sliced ankles and I also got you some class the band DJ up to
but it’s never too late to start fresh that’s what I wanted to say to you that we got off to a bouncy start mistakes were made lessons were learned let’s be professional about this let’s look under every bed and every room a go into from now on when we encounter other people let’s not assume that they’re monsters and that they’re hiding something that’s what I’m talking to myself
I think the the silver flame is shining on us in a world where a bouncy Mission can result in a child being freed of an evil spirit
don’t know cats it was beautiful there were no deaths on that
hey brother hey what’s up it’s me Jeff Davis and Spencer Crittenden from harmontown or sitting around in a nice lounge and we’re going to talk to you about Underpants yeah man I got to tell you I just I just you know where is this ever happened to you hear you’re going out and you run into like my cry you or Ken from Street Fighter and they punch you in the face and the next thing you know your underwear fly off because they’re low quality I’m not in kind of that specific circumstances but I can see where you’re coming from right I think that what you’re talking about is the fact that there’s a superior level of underwear quality that comes with a great Mandy Corporation I’m I’m wearing my Mandy’s right now and it stays on even in a fight with Street Fighter video games right if your underpants won’t fly off your so much I believe in the Manuel Corporation Spencer this morning
we woke up with my girlfriend and I church and she couldn’t find her underwear so she wore my undies my me on these new undies she wore my own do I had to go buy her some other under me and these are the softest underwear is I never ever encountered yeah I mean it seems like maybe you shouldn’t have bought her more Mondays you should have just bought more me on Sunday to all I have is the mailman and he’s at my place you know every pair of me and he’s is sustainably-sourced and made from micro modal fabric that’s three slime softer than cotton if you used to By changes everything because they have they got very Whimsical patterns on them if they got my little panda bears and little green army men that they are good fun yeah man they come in all kinds of colors and patterns and they release new limited-edition patterns each month. Always sell out and never fly off in a fight with digital video game characters as a secret between you and your genitals that you keep all day long
all night long I sleep them sometimes because I taking them off seems like I’m doing my my ball to the service I’m going to have to sleep in them all the time in case you know anyone it sneaks up on me in the night the months patterns were designed by the legendary 80s clothing brand cross Colours with names that live up to their bold design and bright colors such as increased do peace you dig and the OG I think it’s pronounced the piece by piece by piece only at Mandy’s.com harmontown how to take off my pants right now so you can see my meundies right now Spencer in splendor as you’re taking them off I can see that there’s a reason meundies has sold over 5 million pairs to date and I’ll feel it when I put them on and if you don’t love you first pair of me and he’s guess what they’re totally free I can see that on your body
you can see the free yeah I’m so clear it 20% off your first pair of plus free shipping at me and these.com harmontown is meundies.com harmontown Mandy’s.com harmontown me and don’t lose your underwear in a fight with fictional enemies it’s like Underpants that kiss you on the dick
if it goes to leave or we have here where we still want to talk how close are we to the graveyard you’re there
alright Bob the graveyards on the edge of this little this this Forest the forest and stick is it and opposing looms over the buildings of the Tiny Town kind of like like like an ominous Horizon of clouds there’s air coming from the forest it’s feels a bit more fresh than like the stale town are but you make your way to the graveyard it’s a little rickety graveyard for a small little town but there’s a lot of graves in it more than you’d expect for a town of this size which is about 10 people conservatively it’s a little gravy just full of graves you see some Graves yeah I examine the dates of the deceased dates
it’s as if someone didn’t write them down
I have no idea when these people died
maybe they didn’t want us to know
who do you think we could tell just from looking at the freshness of the graves like what’s the ratio of fresh Graves to Old Graves you see you see there’s maybe about three Graves that seemed pretty fresh like like less than a month fresh where did the ghost go the ghost it went over to the to the thing and it kind of went like above the graveyard and kind of faded out
so it didn’t go to any specific grave not at the moment you think that sound do you think that’s the sound of it do you think it was like I think I think you’re projecting I think I make weird scary sounds as if that’s what you’re being needlessly you know at the same time is starting to break you’ve been up all night read the other names on the graves of the freshest ones the freshest ones the freshest ones are are are okay Ving Rhames blazing banzon and Archer fill those are the three grades that seem freshest guys we need to focus on this Ving Rhames character
Google who was the second one after he died by the way like within a month after raising he was related to Jerry Lewis I think okay
I think we might want to examine the grave of Archer to maybe see how he died share some friends I can I get some money should I take my shovel out and dick well I mean I feel like we’re in the black with the family or was it you know like what yeah let’s just read The Headstone so regular headstone
alright Jake it up
pick it up like I just want to I want to do right by you guys you know sometimes I might suggest stupid things just got to tell me right I’m going to dig up this grave though
I take out my foldable shovel folded Out start digging okay yeah wait you dig a hole in the ground you digging you dig and you find you find the coffin the wooden sheep cop in the coffin of a peasant it has it has a what do you call it like you see slightly curved scuff mark divots on at like like things have been hitting the outside of out of the cop cop and recently
jco smart I mean is that normal marks for when you put the shovel marks
I compared the Shovelhead of diarrhea Junior shoveled they matches up now it’s just it’s just it’s a different shovel it’s amore amore worksman shovel Steve shovel is like a little trenching shovel it’s kind of like a little compact I’m sure he
yeah let’s see which Eva Green speeds yeah I’m sure you use it very well
the the the vibe that that’s important to me this is where we just exhume to weary exhuming a grave that’s data the kennel it’s it’s it’s mostly still covered you’re just seeing like to take some work if you want to get the cough and out of the ground out of the ground or just into an open oval state or what are you trying to do that most of the nails are gone and inside you just see the corpse of a dog like a riding dog
this is fucked up I call out to there to Archer if archery spirit is still present no response
all right oh at this point it’s like say about 8 in the morning it’s past Donna cuz it takes a while to dig up a grave
it takes a community to what now that’s just cuz that’s all it takes a Rick and Morty first six seasons we have it takes what I’m going to say it’s it’s morning I think we should we should cover this back up as quickly as possible and and and because we’re at the rest of our mission is going to have to do with finding facts from people that might not be willing to talk to us I just examine the rest of the constant to see if there’s anything interesting on the like at like like like a identify it or anything like that no nothing on the dog or anyting I think nothing else in common besides the corpse of the dog know there’s nothing like remaining it just seems kind of like it was Disturbed
how old I mean how long do you think this dog has been buried here the dog seems like it’s been riding for a while I guess he’s mostly decayed like it was the king before they tossed it in there’s another show that involves to exhumations the second being ours is that the dog was put in the coffin for weight as part of a fake funeral the boy was never in it and then the girl I don’t see gender the either the family or maybe the other family that was burnt to death or who knows Scott suspicious dug it up found out the truth paid for it with their life I mean there’s that scenario 2
she should we dig up Ving Rhames or he was like
I think I think you’re right you want to go ahead and to town this morning yeah well let’s let’s put the diarrhea and I’ll many hands make a make a move dirt spells
that’s okay you cast use hands
I start bearing the dog again.
I’m and I have to it’s an opportunity to I believe that strenuous labor is a punishment that will make me happier
you believe that all right you do the thing it’s buried its it looks pretty fresh but what are you going to do right maybe put some pitchforks number
I just need to die
the pitchforks are straight reference of freshness as Urban culture from the 80s questions you guys maybe get something to eat and we just did a lot of calorie burning burying that dead dog is that a euphemism for eating out there we have an actual wagon somewhere on the fell far more energy to fill Farm before you first went in I can walk back getting the wagon then ride back to where we were hungry
how far a walk is in the town you’re pretty close it’s a small town question given that as a cleric I am like my skills are knowledge categories one of which is knowledge of our answer to that question what what would you typically do assuming necromancy possibly with the Dead kid like like why would you want a dead kid
okay good for what’s your what’s your knowledge arkana or knowledge religion it’s just checked off I do it it would be us your wisdom tiene it would be intelligence that’s what it says okay what’s your intelligence
Necromancer really have knowledge of art I have intelligence I don’t know what 5 is it I’ll just I’ll take a bunch
what were those numbers again Jim intelligence and a plus for knowledge Arcana you realize that necromancy is a branch of magic involving death
Jeff you realize that the rest of the living especially of Innocence can be used as a powerful magical region of you for what just the flash only the Flesh of the children the very powerful magical agent so they might be using that for some of their spouse
that’s brutal
it’s enough to make a kid haunt the world wonder what they’re trying to reanimate reanimate is no you said you said reagent region means like magical Catalyst got it or something
like I’m I’m only at 12 and told him so smarter than me
alright was walking to town boys let’s get breakfast what do you write for
well certainly not dog alright like a big town it’s like it’s literally like six or seven buildings you see a building that looks kind of like a half dome like made out of clay you see a couple buildings that just look like little small wooden buildings one of them has two stories the other end has one story you see like the one-story building has a little garden outside of it and then there’s just two more regular looking homes and then another Farmhouse other than Tom’s and then there’s the church so I don’t want that is a big building with a giant fiberglass hot dog on signage that would indicate like in the taverns hotels East Rose boutiques
to treat
we’re waiting for a half hour to say that there’s not a lot of signs but as you enter you kind of walk towards the center of town which is like a little Hill you see the old one of the only signs you’ve seen so far which is a sign that just says Dairy Hill and there’s like a tree on the top of the hill and you see a woman kind of just standing around just looking around and then she sits on the ground except then she sees uses it stands back up
maybe she has some cheese
what.
So it’s spelled D e r r y o u who
yeah, you kind of the mouthpiece I wanted you to go make make her acquaintance
young woman who are you you look Church Lee
I’m Carlos the unimaginative from the church of the silver flame yes I’m new here you have me at a disadvantage
I’m right and you’re right right right Rhonda Rhonda of the watch
keep watch
over the town someone what do you watch for trouble seeing any well lately no just recently there’s been a lot of livestock being mutilated and murdered like three or four cows by now it’s been ramping up it’s pretty it’s it’s a lot you know your whole life we passed a couple of cows and an old guy out in the field recently seem to be doing all right
I need any dogs missing
I can think of but I don’t really keep track there’s just been a while. Sometimes come in and out of town the real trouble.
No I do wash your logs and you do watch tag I thought you said nevermind
I am I go back to where I was standing before I walked up and said that
so livestock gone missing will be mutilated found it
it takes you to Tom Fels Farm
scene of the crime
I’m not going to give us any food here
you don’t like I I thought
I would have stopped her halfway through this journey but here we are. Just kind of like you don’t have to you could stop we don’t have to go all the way to farm yeah I was say we are doing that right before we leave so is the bulk of the strangeness to happening at Tom Thumb Farm I’d say maybe after the cows that are killed were his but that’s because we basically have to Farmers
so he lives in the other farmer Donovan McNeil
where does he live over there do they have a business rivalry
yeah I guess I hadn’t really thought about it to be honest but they must I mean they can’t be price-fixing that would be a violation of antitrust legislation
they’re supposed to compete with each other unlike Airlines who who makes a better breakfast burrito cuz Carlos he loves those breakfast burritos well we don’t really do Food Service here like I got some cheese you want some cheese you take us to Darrin McLaren Farm Jonathan who is Donovan McNeill McNeill of course
yeah you wrote down that strap on site to
all right, Neil houses is pretty pretty close to Donovan’s house has the door he seems to be in a weird mood he’s like what do you guys want I’m busy my problem farmer my man
word around town is your cattle problems are nothing normal at all
all normal normal is what you make of it a world with ghosts and demons and monsters and stuff like cattle mutilations are shity but that’s just part of being a farmer I mean I lost a couple Cal here there but you don’t see me making a big stink of it not like Tom fell bitching and moaning like his kid getting sick some big-deal kids get sick my kid got sick it just happened I didn’t go bitching around you got better it’s fine
did the ghosts and demons mutilate your calves I mean let’s just say no
I mean I guess it’s time to sense motive
do you sense that he doesn’t like Tom
I I try my sense motive as well what’s your perception is just wisdom wisdom all right you sense that he’s mad at Tom like he doesn’t like him or something you do it too I just want everyone to gather around over that I don’t have I don’t have sense about it but also are you going to try to kill Isis motive he seems hungry
I offered him some adverbs some snacks
Chris
we different picking up Andre burying a dog for 6 hours you’ve been holding that snacks
you keep referring to this asshole misperceived him
what kind of snacks do you don’t see a cheese stick
I don’t have any minor all butchered you know I got the meat find me have no complaints other than the fact that you live in a crazy time and place with Coastal go see activities and stuff I got two complaints but you don’t see me complaining about him
I go around and do I have to do a finger just checking
call Beth lose a lot of dust
he returns to the jaundiced eye
sir do you mind if I come inside your home it’s a bit is a bit dirty but yeah come on in
I have examined the house look under furniture for tonight ladies
remember you see no knife ladies I take my magnifying glass and just start looking around through it like Sherlock Holmes is like right now. You just wanted to get into my house tell you the truth has come to this town and nobody really wants to tell us much of anything anybody knows is that everything’s gone pear-shaped by the way I too bad about your dog
what are you talking about
shot in the dark that I got to commend you it seems very brave dogs that come in and out but I don’t think too much about all right I go back to dust on the table and I’m not a politician the church is run by those fux and it’s and it’s 10:01 p.m. question game
all I want to say is we come to this town we’re getting the runaround for a and what you are is someone who’s going to do one of two things be like everyone else or be the person that’s different if you’re the person that’s different we can start to unravel this whole thing we can get Justice for your family we could be heroes just as for my family
my family is great
did I say justice for your family I think I just meant like justice in the sense of like we told you we destroyed tell him Phil’s house and we punched his kid and he takes he takes the snacks from your all right
thank you for coming gang Steve Levy
Spencer Crittenden Jeff Davis 6 to Chris Sarah Church Zach everybody back here and doing everything Kevin day I’m just save it to your mayor Dan Harmon everybody thank you so much for coming this
drive fast take chances to see you next time