Episode
Episode: 296 – You Can Live Forever Here at Bevmo
Description
Jeff returns briefly to flex his vocal chords after surgery. Legendary SNL alum Laraine Newman shares Groundlings and Coneheads behind the scenes stories. Steve Levy explains a new dating app. Featuring Dan Harmon, Rob Schrab, Spencer Crittenden, Jeff Bryan Davis and Laraine Newman.
Transcript
oh yeah
you know what this means
this means that I’m controlling tonight
let me hear you say Ciara
play the gentleman harmontown is now in session freak out
thank you so much for coming down to Tonight Show let’s give it up for our resident dungeon master printer Crittenton
girls
how do I get to sit down with his bag I got you got stuff I got gift you got gifts just my presence no no no animated gif animated gifs yeah why you guys are so without any further harm man
thank you
yes
there was a
oh yeah
thank you so much
what an improvement from last week we got to be filled in some seats it’s nice we filled it said you didn’t have a lot of seats filled last week who was who wasn’t there
oh wow so that always like takes that we get the racist yet I’ve been I’ve been here when the place has been packed and Brandon’s or so I mean I don’t know what else was missing
all right baby but I guess maybe people like you I don’t have a problem with people not liking me
which really is counterintuitive being made trolling we have some interesting guests to talk to me
I’ve known you said you were nineteen that you’re warming up to me I can come up around at any time what what what kind of weird weird kind of talk is that to somebody who’s your best man at your wedding up to you do you guys are you supposed to are you supposed to like people too are you supposed to suck your gut in the all the time because it feels like that’s a lie but then people like Fitness people tell you suck it in cuz that’s like helping but it’s like I heard that sucking in your gut can cause problems because it’s like it’s stretching it for way too long but realistically we probably won’t keep it held for that long
well I want belly supposed to inflate like a balloon that’s good that’s good right there I was at I can’t remember it how I ended up there but I started learning about posture and there were all these guys that were talking about nerd neck like they’re like take demonstrating a nerd neck I definitely have it it’s like when the 45 degree you earn it has to do with it starts with your shoulders moving forward and then it’s something to do with your head like is like heavy so that seems like compensate and then you get nerd neck neck neck neck neck so I can stick in your chest out yeah that was watching all these videos are about like Alpha posture and and how you’re supposed to send a signal it’s all about
fooling them because no one’s attacking us so I guess it’s not a lie if you’re like I’m confident cuz you might as well be but but like it’s more of your ventral surface to injury which proves to the woman unconsciously the you know I’m having to worry about and that mentoring means like maybe you have more fiefdoms or something like biologically you know you know these guys yeah I like to know do you know what the most popular guys are giant fat guys with targets painted on their bellies like that guy in the in the stock footage shot with the cannon ball right exactly everyone loves him you were going to say Cannonball shot
cannibal like after the footage
and if people would like to look at it like Get over yourself I know I want to know and people are being really and reasonable budget for that
also is it’s it’s it’s it’s like a high-speed camera and it’s like it doesn’t look I mean he looks like a large man but does he really look like someone who’s who’s who’s wheelhouse is getting shot unalakleet he doesn’t I wonder if they’re just like it was basically just like I like a little bit of explosives behind the camera yeah like it was like a MythBusters thing like I would want your belly like jiggle I heard that he’s actually laying on the table and they dropped a bowling ball on on his stomach it was the first
how do you practice for that how do you warm up do you think they just started with like a small Cannonball and just work their way up or how did how do you practice how do you do deserve it looking at Cannon how about you let me take my shirt off first he took his shirt off why you taking a shirt off like we’re going to go you probably got some cardboard underneath
what is a thinking about for the over something that was watching it was like how you practice this without dying and I can’t remember what it was like a robot can you get the net underneath the brain-eating like the Rope is like a stick is like a barrel like you just robes
remember that guy that was he fat french guy that walked between the World Trade Centers and now I’m just went up there and just did it yeah after he stepped on a nail
blows you just debt yeah I don’t get that it wasn’t a white bother
that’s like it’s like this is making problems to solve lake lake lake lake lake if you lose the stickers because like what do you do with the stick all well you know a little bit of this a little bit of that
lake lake lake lake I would lose the stick but I guess that’s why I let you know I’m not a tightrope Walker no I just did Death Valley t-shirt booze swelling cowboy
Spencer would it would it where you been doing lately doing any doing anything lately oh yeah I was at Comic-Con did you get recognized yay I got recognized it’s weird I I clocked how many times I got recognized and how many times I just got like a hey how long you been growing that beard and it was like about the same
which is interesting how many about 6 on the highest a human beard is so strange like people really just go oh yeah beard that’s something I’m allowed to like talk to you about except can I give you a little cynical Fame 101 hell yeah yeah back 30% of those people that are talking to you about your beard they know what’s up. I’ll be interesting so they’ll buy you a drink and then we’ll talk about the economy and then on their way out to be like by the way big fan I thought you were a nice person like Patton Oswald and in like Bryan Cranston like they wear the mask and they walk through so they could be with the people account with Spencer
I didn’t see that
it’s funny cuz he give me reference like you know he’s like I know I’m a little short for this past you and it’s cute just kept saying that over and over are you asking to be going you’re out like I like I like when we were I think I must’ve when we were doing a community and we were picking I guess we ended up with Luis Guzman is the statue in the courtyard and we were going through people like there should be a statue of someone must have talked about this I don’t want another one of the one of the people was The Proposal was what about Mark Hamill cuz he’s like it’s like he’s Luke Skywalker but he’s Mark Hamill and like what if he was like the statue of a man he was the most famous alumnus of the of the of Greendale and I and I and I sent him an email or
from him in response to a casting director reaching out to him so I was the
smart to the the the cigar-chomping get me Mark Hamill and got this like lovingly crafted letter from Mark Hamill that was like deer Dan Harmon pleased to meet you I’m Mark Hamill and I shipped my pants and then keep reading the letter it in in in he’s like I’m so flattered I got the script very funny and end but you know I think we both know the joke’s on me a little bit like he wasn’t defensive about it wasn’t like Gene Simmons interview with Terry Gross it was like it was like Mark Hamill like that he got you have a joke is kind of like I’m a snook you know like I do agree it’s funny but also like I kind of like I’m not ready to just be like that yet or something like that he’s just very politely and empathically and then it was like also I’m a director so if you want to give me a serious job fucking asshole
wrote me a letter U Save It
you know your move and I moved you say hello you say goodbye. In the alley like like a la is like it’s a wasteland of talent like there are people people come here that they they they could come here on a carpet of dreams they they sell the carpet
let’s let’s bring up before kid did that Jeff Davis
yay
so Jeff I tie-dye heard his terrible story The Alley like he’s just had vocal surgery so he’s drinking hot tea and he can’t talk that much yet so that’s why he’s not normally I just make a kid from The Alley a comptroller
you did
I’m just here to listen to night then
yeah
I’m already paying for myself Dan
can we hear a little bit about I’ve never known a human being so jet Jeff is a human being lizards and no ghosts and minotaurs I’ve never known a human being you sir will be his first human being
Naked Gun
what is it like to not be able to talk for 2 weeks 3 weeks it was two weeks of total vocal silence I think my left vocal fold and I had some doctors go down my throat and they were very good and I was asleep for like an hour and a half and they did you wake up during during the and see if they were talking shit about you
I woke up and I was just covered in Dixon Ball drawings would it cut open your Colin didn’t you go in with Colin Hanks and get an endoscopy
how to be when they start with him you kind of sounded like Colin Hanks I wasn’t trying to time what do you want this week we got we got a couple things better that we haven’t talked about when is a shooting and the other is a dear friend that departed my groceries
I’m not going to be able to button tonight you guys are you guys you guys do all the time, I was just going to say that since I was able to talk this amazing story happened to me which I cannot tell you because I’m on vocal rest I really hope it doesn’t get Church in trouble because I heard because of such a funny joke that’s a church says that even though Jeff can’t talk at all he still figures out ways to interrupt her
because I’m a Showman
speaking of of the glass ceiling and and Alpha neck
the answer is that the glass ceiling
it’s like you can wear it like a hell mad well happened
expect you to die
that is this sound is cool as it sounds yeah it sounds awesome
Rob told the plexiglass container on his head
I was going to say speaking of the trash can
I was going to say when I might just bring her out and I want to bring her out and it’s my chance to do my Don Pardo impression he was in an answer in the 70s please
thank you thanks for coming it’s been a rough week and has made of course you do you know cuz you were out of metal Metalocalypse that we lost our friends on Snapchat I don’t know how many of you are familiar with them where in LA
I don’t know what kind of host brings you out and then just drop xan on you I don’t know how are you doing I just feel like I’m a little bit cuz I haven’t I always feel like sociopathic when I remember the color of the floor when I found out that this that the that he had just boom like crazy can okay it does feel like life turns on a dime because I was just saying that I saw hereditary within 3 weeks ago and I haven’t distributed guilt now you’re talking about someone
in the past tense in the end but I think it’s just it you everything I’m going to feel awful so I don’t know what I what I thought that was podcasting Dynamite but I don’t know what my job is but but but but but just because you know I see people’s Instagrams and stuff and I just wanted a lender voice to his but I guess I can’t believe that he passed away he was so vibrant and you know but so that’s I think the difference I mean I think he epitomized workaholism right I’d only have a city driven by Workaholics and I’m trying to get over that therapy but it’s like John was John was book cautionary tale and a role model and I mean he just he just he just kept working and working and I just love sitting in front of his avidan like making crazy shit and like every anecdote about him
it from Adult Swim two everywhere else he’s worked at like an editor like like it’s every anecdote is about coming into the office at 9 a.m. and he’s been there all night and he’s created some ridiculous elaborate thing that they can’t even use in the show live to create art and I hope I hope you’re listening I hope that’s how the universe works unless unless you’re just listening to shit in your local area for forever
and then the plant a whole planet goes away and you just like hello and you can’t even hear the other people you gave it look forward to your friends are you only just get the intros to the podcast just the intros people Vamp for 20 minutes and you want to kill yourself
yeah on the off chance that you listening John I think it on her part and parcel of it is narcissistic to feel guilty about whatever I don’t think it’s a narcissistic it’s just kind of regret that we don’t value people while they’re here no I’m totally kidding and it really wasn’t worth it if you weren’t kidding what would your warning to me or a
for I know things Dad I know that your threat I think she was saying that you didn’t have a feeling I make that Wonder with just about everybody I meant Rob certainly
no I just learned to appreciate you know I’ll just think of someone and I’ll text them that I’m thinking of them and that in itself I think in terms of technology and people while they’re here you know I think it’s just so nice to do that now and it’s because well just to you honey yeah I have started a new policy friends unexpectedly passing is in this town your friends blow up they like the super famous they they’re they’re like on the cover of Time magazine or something one day and you the other day you were like having coffee with them in like
I feel like our Instinct probably not yours you seem like you’re more grounded I’m a saint but you’re used to be like texting on this and remember it back here that’s that so narcissistic like that’s just ego like oh they don’t want to hear me saying good job on that music video it’s afraid of being vulnerable but I think any chance to acknowledge people under your appreciation of their work is not wasted and it’s not about you you know you don’t look foolish you don’t look you’re not open to some sort of you know put down just because you’ve acknowledged you know a congratulations to someone or something like that do you ever have you coped with
whatever have you ever given me a sand box of cat turns to play with I made it sanded do and now you’re going to knock it over when they’re like the job I’m all I’m trying to say is don’t be too cool to let people know that you appreciate it so I can hear from you I’m warming up to you I told you at the time of the show
am I on mute is that did you mute my my handle no more so busted
I have you have you have you where are you at with mortality I am sorry I keep handing you the gyms
and it’s a safe safe bet I’m 4 days away
the I can’t talk a lot so I just had to be short and stupid
where am I with mortality complete denial about it that’s refreshing thank you yeah I just I’m never I’m not going to die I’m not going to get old even though I hurt like hell every morning and what could that be what year old friendship where we back each other up on this you’re never going to die laraine Newman I owe fucking got your back like now would lie to me and let’s be best friends about us we’re going to be the one exception
and what a joy it would be to hang out here forever and Dynasty typewriter money if you could if you’re within a perimeter of 500 ft 4 if you could be like I’m going to live forever but everyone has to come visit me at BevMo available for 14 minutes
either you’re going to die of prostate cancer in a random guy or you’re going to live forever here at BevMo yeah that sounds like he’ll pass it up right would you go okay I can have seen enough movies to know I’m at the vampires they get tired they get bored they get lonely too tired of seeing people they love get old and die I would want to kill myself a person cuz I don’t know if vampires can can I owe ya
hey guys they just walk outside
yeah if vampires couldn’t commit suicide than the sunlight thing wouldn’t be yeah yeah yeah cuz I want this I want it then he’ll say I think this is great I have no I mean that the whole Lord has gotten so you know blown up but they can reconstitute themselves I mean you name it they just don’t die train did you see the song oh my God was anybody as crazy
he walks around in the day he’s he’s the day while they’re not human he’s half human cuz why would you please do your Kris Kristofferson as was his name Whistler Whistler could you give me one line as Kris Kristofferson as blade sidekick in Blade
did I catch you fuckers in a bad time
what movie was it that I saw I saw it it was from Blaine
I saw two vampire I think it was like a vampire couple and they they held hands and they sat on a beach and they watch the sunrise together and they were cuz they wanted to die
and that’s the one with Wesley Snipes thank you
oh sorry what
Only Lovers Left Alive crap I got her that I might have forgot the title but it might have happened to vampire movies what was the one where the other the other guy he was he can Frost know like a vampire movie where in the future everyone’s a vampire that’s a break who’s that who’s that guy sorry you’ve been easy to use yes and I think they both simultaneously.
I think Stephen Dorff gets the better of that deal I agree in that movie we learned that you can be cured of vampirism because if you daylight I’ll kill you but no one ever thought of this if you drive a car really fast when you smashed through the windshield in to daylight but shortly after while you’re still on fire you land in water cured that’s the first thing I would try firewood ever try called science easier than escaping killer bees
fish that you’re not even allowed to do when you’re running from me so you can do if you’re dying vampire then I’ll give you immortality or mortality I guess is what they’re after it does the car and the windshield have to do with helping so why is it going to have a windshield and they have like black Audi black out you can you can go meet Mortals under a tree in the shade and unhatched schemes but then the vampire cops who have like head-to-toe body armor to be shielded from the sun’ll come out and go series
and it but then he finds out quite an accident like Yeah by zombie which I really loved where somebody got cured of being a zombie remember that I typed I don’t know how they did it I got to be in the trunk of that car I would have been have you seen Santa Clarita give it another shot and I tell you that I’m a snob the pilot I was like me
Cody was up for a job on it so she’s at the watch the whole season I was like my hands were tied that shit got funny like I’m excited to wire yeah then I walked away and then I hear everybody going what the fuck going on
turns out that’s what they were doing on purpose or something Fargo I’d watch the first one I was like you just do in Fargo
haha more like more like fired you
I turned it off never watched again so it’s so good yeah you got to give it a shot Atlanta you haven’t seen how I check fucking on the worst I’ve seen it in meme submissions and it’s it’s great but I don’t watch it I like crime drama and horror crime of what am I prime non-fiction Forensic Files
everything except kind of found footage found footage is just a quiet place
I thought sound bookings said that is because everyone and hadn’t told them it was the best movie ever
is my doctor told me that’s one of the nicest sounds you can say when you’re recovering from vocal surgery
stay away mail so what about hereditary but it what do you think I haven’t seen her in a while so I’m like a puppet on some show teaching you manners
name Daniel Crabtree
it’s you know what it it was amazing about it is once you realize what the story is it’s like movies about this have been made before but not like this movie or show hereditary the movie that Eric their Lorraine do you like Pinhead
in Hellraiser I hate I hate the Clive Barker stuff bores me to death even the even the even the first Pinhead well that’s I never got past that one
well here’s the here’s the trick that’s on you Lorraine would you watch a Clive Barker movie and you hate it you are suffering is your pleasure
that’s what he want. That’s all I really know that reference everything I want you to call charger I call a chicken parm sandwich
and my flash such a text to see what
talking about that when we were on ghost
stayed like Ryan Ridley and I would like we would do impressions of Pinhead as done by Ted Knight
yeah the only 55 year old person
when was he knighted dumb secret secret all day lately like a rash
you read signs to read out loud in the car more likely to get that far.
Norm’s Chick-fil-A Dollar General Hardware I would they really be like that though
dads
it’s true
what were you telling me about the judge James Franklin Jamestown saying well here’s another reference nobody will know does anybody know who Lucille Ball was well her hometown is Jamestown Upstate New York Buffalo and they approached her when she was still living obviously and said we want to do a museum dedicated to you and she said I would much prefer if you do a museum celebrating comedy
wow so the National Comedy Center was built they started on an eight years ago and I took a tour of a week ago and it is mind-blowing it is out if anybody’s a comedy nerd you will weep it’s absolutely Mecca know because I’m from the west coast and I do not know my way around there Buffalo is the biggest do I have to contribute
we still haven’t been inducted I mean this chair alone like there’s the words to the song Comfortable I’ve been saying it for years and they’re still here brought these chairs yes because they were at the castle but did you cut the disease really comfortable chairs in the alley way we can throughout conehead stories go Coneheads
one time we wanted to kill off the Coneheads and send them back to remulak so we did some actual outside filming where Dan Aykroyd Jane Curtin and I were in a convertible of course and we were just driving around I think New Jersey or something and the thing that they attached the cone with with something that’s not used anymore called spirit gum and we’d only been at it for like 5 minutes and we did a sketch but this was like several hours and it started to burn like fuck you know and I don’t know I think I’m not speaking out of school when I say the Danny and Jane smoked weed to deal with the pain really was phone rang, Dear God
well yeah I mean this is Still Waters
the Rolling Stones hosted the show Jane curtains dressing rooms next to mine and I remember opening the door and Jane was in a bathrobe in curlers smoking and Mick Jagger was there just the two of us this he should be in my dressing room why is he
she was very cool and like pretend I had legal in New York she wanted some edibles she was freaking out cuz she had bed bugs
and she was sure that you was finding them all over the house it’s kind of like Coke bugs but she said God I could use some edibles I said go out and get some illegal in New York and I had no idea cuz if you’re like it always seemed legal When I Was Your Man
I think we got a little sidetracked on the Conan story well it’s it’s not hard but it is firm and well I don’t remember
what was the weather like at another act to the spirit gum story when you rub burning to death since we didn’t need to pump gas at one point which is fun do you remember back when the conehead movie was coming out and we at ComedySportz had to wear Coneheads and we played the game doctor Kona because we were I was hoping we would get on a local commercial I can you remember that was so tell that story and heads I mean I’m kind of just repeating what you said but we worked in ComedySportz Comedy Club took it and they were like oh that means that we could get some promotion like no they’re not
that’s so sad that we like we like perverted our show to like like instead it was used to play Doctor knowing all you know that theater sports game or Mister know-it-all where you do three people and then you answered one word at a time let’s do around hey somebody ask a question
I heard why is the sky blue you fucking slowpokes here’s the thing it doesn’t matter what the fucking question is okay sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
I was thinking of you as the referee
alright okay you going to get the suggestions from the audience Direction four months so we all do work Coneheads because the idea was that that we could send the tapes that they they religiously taped every show from the back of the sound booth where we
Milwaukee I hated it and I’m going to go out of our way to screw it up so I did what you do wear the cone on their lives after that you and I were not allowed on stage together
yeah Rob and I were forbidden to be on stage together
I’m kind of a kind of a fun part of our friendship
I guess like we are too powerful to immediately that’s how we chose to look at it when you were doing like just improv like on like what’s up where you doing before I send out like what kind of crazy stuff and from that Workshop reform the Groundlings yeah
you are a you are a foundling, foundling who is okay here’s the original people and nobody here is going to know who these people are Tim Matheson Pat Morita Jack Soo and a Valerie Curtin who was married to Barry Levinson and his writing partner at the time and she’s also Jane’s cousin because now everything is connect that
and I guess so you know I think I don’t think you know the other people but there are a lot of them turned out to be showrunners in the 80s and 90s
Lawrence my kind of came and saw you and scoop you up or what at whatever he he saw me I was doing characters and he came with Lily Tomlin he was producing her special they hired me for that and then later Lauren came back and saw me doing new characters new material and hired me for SNL what’s the characters were you doing
is there anything that we might like recognizer was the valley girl in the Stuart as Prince on SNL an angry Jewish poetess name Saraland who had one appearance on SNL you know who she thought was really weird but one of Arizona SNL
I got a million of them
that’s amazing how is Holy, she was great and this was in the seventies and you know tapings can go on forever we went till 3 in the morning and she was out there doing stand-up to keep the audience going I really admire that so much they actually were looking for men but they hired me
that is a double achievement cuz all you ladies know
who is the original grandma that we might know when he was 4 years old I was at the Groundlings theater I met Paul Rubens at calarts I was there for three 3 months and he was architecture student his hair was this long
ringless and that we didn’t improve show there and then I left to join the same progress that became the Groundlings and then when I got SNL Paul asked me if he should go to the Groundlings and I said yes you still actively do improv every once in awhile the alumni shows of the Groundlings but I also do improv classes taught by the sky Bill steinkellner who is a showrunner for cheers and lots of other sitcoms and they actually the most fun I can recall is when we’re doing with workshops ComedySportz cuz it was like you just do the crazy scenes if you had a cool teacher you would just do this like nothing here in like in the middle of here in the back room of a bar at 3 in the afternoon you’re drinking beer and like a scene might go for 90 minutes and just because
all very very old and so it’s like what George couldn’t make it he had knee replacement and it’s not like oh I hope I get into the AAA bill has created are so sophisticated and wonderful and so fun and you’re nothing like the the viola spolin games he’s just like growing it to a I hate using that word exponential but you black out like like as a Rob and I have talked about this like it’s bad as we are at improv people that we see or like such a great listeners and maybe it’s like like disciplined and all the stuff but I don’t like
I was never good I always did character monologues at the Groundlings I was never good at provisor processor I want to ask at things like that sometimes I have me and I’m like what the difference between the actual discipline I don’t even like denying it all the shit like that that I learned his rules like all the only way through a scene as if you apply all these fucking rules and then maybe something good will come out of it but like you CB it’s like they teach just like this like crazy like no this is how you do a sketch in 3 minutes which I guess is how they kind of Rose nice for them really hard shows never show call the crazy Uncle Joe show and assault you know suggestions from the audience and what they do is they do like short little scenes and they go back and forth in time so they have
remember what they established and the characters they established in each scene that’s hard that is really hard, it’s mostly short stuff like you have a gaming stuff watching other people to improve scares the shit out of my stomach hurts absolutely watching other people do you roll your eyes back and just bite like a shark
my big limitations is I was always like a bad listener like yeah I don’t know if you should be biting
like I already I wish I was like wait offstage I’d see you soon again like okay I think I’ll be the plumber there they are clearly they need a plumber here and then I got this great idea and I come in and I just sort of like I don’t fucking are the ijn better like where they are like even though they’re talkin they’re still listening and they’re and they’re like able to but I think Trav and I are the same category it’s like you come in as a plumber you already decided you’re a plumber that the reason your plumbers cuz voltron’s parked outside and if somebody’s like learn and that’s maybe I don’t know if that’s like like like a writer’s mind or vs. or you want that person to feel heard and understood but you really just waiting to for them to stop talking to you can go ahead and say the thing you already made up your mind yet but that’s a problem in improv has a problem
Rider dies as soon as possible make a butt or a titty or addictive that’s a groundling shit
I would you mind if we brought up my friend Steve Levy to the stage
speaking of speaking of Levy I’m not allowed to talk on my voice gets tired of starting to get tired so I will take my leave e as you welcome a new Leaf
and let’s all welcome just replacement no pressures OG’s man
what’s going on and tell me whenever I’m being forward and totally what’s going on are you dating or whatever like like but we don’t have to know is that I’m slowly I’m not dating anybody why did you make him do that sexy sexy listening to
you’re not dating anybody know it’s hard out there in the streets like I’m on the I’m on those bumbles and I’m even on those riyas but you got on those sorry for yelling. In Terraria famous people but I’m not
meanwhile I’m sitting over here I’m on Bumble what I got to get you a ride or do you want
what the fuck are you guys talking about riyah is I’ll try to explain it to Lorain cuz I heard that way maybe it’s it’s it’s one of the dating apps but it’s like it’s selective for famous people also we could that could be construed as rich people I die it’s basically like Elite people or but it also turns out to be based on some algorithm that has to do with Instagram followers and that’s it references and to submit an application for nobody on it is complaining but like I’m sure none of them want anyone else to know it exists because it makes such an easy target it’s such a thing
only brought your vision from anyone that isn’t able to get into it you’d be like oh my God don’t people have trouble admitting they’re on a dating site to begin with, it just says like connecting it doesn’t even go into it like this is a dating app it says it’s for a professional seeking other professional Craigslist that’s not a don’t most people U of U of young daughters like don’t they isn’t it part of like youthful Society to just like everybody’s on two or three of these things now they’re on a lot of them a lot of different ones I think my kids are without that all right well maybe for the Newmans
and binders that’s their name
anyway hope that was a driver station stopper matches but on Raya so many match why can’t I get on the Raya did you famous weight you have to try let me let me pull some strings you know ya no pull some strings I’ll get you on that ride he got me first class the Boston I did yes I have to cost way more money than joining a nap so go ahead and yes didn’t you stick you say something by Mariah being so exclusive that
if they just that they have to match you with people that are like an international it’s not just the lead singer of the Icelandic rock band hook up one day
yeah okay I think it’s kind of exciting talking to people from other places yeah cuz they’re famous yeah that’s why I could guarantee I mean
so it’s exceedingly gross I should have explained before I said look it’s kind of gross what I was going to say before saying anyway
Play It’s kind of gross my decks on there it’s a web to theirs so it so like all the other dating apps you get a profile and there’s a play button and you hit the play button and if there’s a really nice like a like a like a company logo like a like a like a picture it’s like a picture presentation with whatever song you choose which gives you a lot of it is it is terrible you find a Google real
oil is like you lifting a weight Wind video dating first happen before it was death might just be leaving because yeah
have you been back there
we love you Dad video do before computer dating it was video dating his middle and the end that you I was a kid but you the idea was the modern and everyone was like is this going to ruin love it’s so systematized because you go to a place and then check out videos and take him into a private room and watch candidates them against a backdrop the same backdrop you like I got my name is Maggie and I like walks on the beach and how many posted those old videos on I think Facebook they are hilarious there really are it’s like bad family photos is that kind of thing there’s a big long has she had like a dating app kind of I don’t know specialist expertise sound like somebody was talking about like profiles that get
wiped or whatever the fuck interesting questions like whether you’re supposed to lie to people trick people what the truth is like what is charisma what it what you know like it it’s it’s so Primal it’s so ridiculous still we got this whole new generation of kids they’re using these apps but you can clearly from what I’m hearing from their conversation it’s like oh it’s just a bunch of morons doing the same things that we always did like like like OS guys thinking that if you just treat a girl mean at all like so she’ll be like if I can match made in hell and then you can have a serial killer in anybody anybody watch Nikki Glaser show she had this bit where she would create a card for me to see if I can say the same thing it would be like an online dating thing but we would see the chat and the chat from her and would be so agree
I just felt horrible and the guess was how long were the guy stay on and it was hilarious and is that a good story reality of like it is like your average guy and how how clueless like the average guy is burnt-out feeling socialized for like I’ll make anything work and also I have a million ways out of this like that the women who are as likely to socialize to tolerate this shit like that like by 17 you can see it like that the guys are just like hammerhead sharks I don’t know if that’s how hammerhead sharks work I just picture hammerhead sharks is like beating against the boat until it sinks
otherwise why would you say poor shark like that I mean drowning into a scene
talking to you God Cheston up with my aunt a nerd neck
what are you a nerd
I was bad when I said drowning in pussy right I couldn’t resist like that was so funny
but yeah I don’t know what it is but I just guess I just brought that up I had nothing that doesn’t land anywhere but oh yeah yeah yeah I forgot to finish that I interrupt a million years ago it’s probably going to suck anyway but look the profile Instagram you can click on it you can see if they’re a cool person or not but like the thing I always clock is how many Instagram followers they have because they make it a requirement sort of for the app and I call this person seems extra famous maybe I do and maybe that is attractive what do you have
thanks man yeah right on there
why what do you have to say I mean as you want then you go through like
essentially Spotify and pick whatever song you want what song did you pick I pick Good Times bad times by Led Zeppelin hey yeah me a smorgasbord yeah I mean I didn’t really need anything, you know I want to know I like classic rock and Misty away from Dave Matthews Led Zeppelin write your dogs the first one dirty Secret
I love them but I don’t want people judging me you’re aware of the stigma of course it’s a fucking stick at least it’s not Nickelback why people bag on that Banda I don’t understand I don’t need her I’m sure but they are lunch at their punchline at least I’m not who’s in Frozen and then I’ll be like what I got to stay away from the square per share
Nickelback is just a funny sounding name it’s like Pennywise that could be it’s got a bunch of keys in it
what’s that it is like Pennywise Pennywise fan since you don’t like me and how did you like the new Pennywise I did did you like the old Pennywise I did oh God yeah Tim Curry the best damn Tim Curry did you like that damn
I thought it was a little long original Aunt yeah I have always get through the whole thing whenever we watch it that and Langoliers did you like Langoliers langolier yeah I think it’s safe to say now cuz I don’t want I don’t want to like you know like I don’t know I get the so Stephen King’s son which I’m sure he does not want to be known as cuz he’s an author great writer
have you seen a photo of him what the fuck is that Stephen King Jean
how much other people do you have to add to Stephen King’s come I like before her an answer cuz he brought his kids and his kids were like I was like okay now now we’re cooling down a little here and see all the more likely to be described as specific as we going to call you something different
would like to I would like to do that are your kids do your do due to do you feel like you thrust that under a deer do your daughters look like little Lorraine clowns or my other one does feel so guilty know they both are ready says that about their kids but mine really are a man just a little adults is it is it is it is it apotheosis or you like I don’t know what that word was Jesus this is Dan you know when you smoke a person that you which is nothing like it Jesus like like 23 it’s kind of like like it must be like if their life becomes a mess at that point it’s almost funny, you know you are so silly
22 and then you saw him at 23 and they like what happened to me I didn’t
and at this point I’m just kind of interested to see this parallel version of me that has got too much into Alex Jones or whatever it is as the difference like you’re always so that way I can you tell me your mom I did not understand your point and I’m fucked up I’d I made a huge mistake or I didn’t think they of course part of you is going to be I want to help you in any way I can come your mom but also you’re telling me right now is part of you is going to be like this is my fault maybe a little bit always yeah but you know that’s nice
do you think that might be like like a mom thing or is that a parent thing it’s a parent thing absolutely especially with moms and I don’t know like I come from a very nice long line with parents Jewish Family
about the RISD what is it called we never got to hear about it we keep interrupting at all what time is ATO what’s the video you had to make I just put a bunch of pictures have you met up with anybody that’s fantastic I love that long-distance friends oh yeah
I guess famous people should be more poised and globalists and and friend friendly name is people should be more friendly yeah they’re famous there Fortune right I’m not going to be famous by being grouchy towards some Icelandic guitarist
good practice for bigger levels of Fame
take me home by Phil Collins
take me home cuz that go well the important part of the lyrics that I would want a prospective mate to hear is I can turn off my feelings like I’m turning off a light
yeah I feel like it’s important to know
wake up like a result of a certain amount of responsibility
okay not as funny as I thought no
because you detected or not as untrue as I would like to believe it is good advice of the old reversal of okay Spencer theme song 30000 Dave Matthews I think that Steve made a grave error by not going with Dave Matthews shows bright you know that Teen Titan song There’s this song not funny to explain there’s a song called night begins to shine it’s it’s fun to listen to on repeat like for 2 hours straight
it’s really good and he’s done it I’ve been there all he’s just he’s been there but Spencer’s version of it’s great you can you give us a little bit of it I don’t know are we going to get sued know what are you now we’re going to court that’s true each of them is bigger than you and their teens
I got a fast forward
I love this song The Night begins to shine on the road and there’s silence and Spencer I’ll just
initial same loaded Lorraine and you can lie if you want but you’re 23 year old is she single
she doesn’t tell me he doesn’t need any help get me on Raya Jesus Christ I was trying to ease up to I’m too. Go off half-cocked and about my legacy
all right well who was affected by this horrible shooting live at Trader Joe’s has anyone traumatized her out of town we were out of town anyway
I like very close to where I live we are on Doug Loves movies while this is all happening nobody
well
your present he said in case nobody heard he’s your partner went to the other Trader Joe’s at that moment so in other it was like a fluke like like
and oh my God I almost went to the other one
now you know why I solicited it and I I mean it was good everyone wins I don’t want him to feel bad
all right let Lorraine you have a choice I don’t want to put you on the spot you can you can you can you can you can exude or I’ll be leaving don’t know anything about it and let’s all think that fabulous and honest laraine Newman
thank you so much for coming
fantastic I’ll pass out the thing
friend of the podcast laraine Newman who would have thought that was so good that’s kind of like living in a crazy dream Los Angeles if you end up end up rubbing elbows with the with the people that you watched on the magic box so fun
then after a while
you’ve done enough
get tired
you start to go this box was never manager I was controlling it the whole time
remember what I tell you weren’t here the last
cuz I love this tradition
The Fabulous laraine Newman second exit
Newman
we should switch to sit around and do that we would do that impression I do that impression
Spencer going to hit us
Jackie I thought DND music cute up hell yeah spent tennis for the recap bro
last year music yeah I was going to say that but that seemed to want to nose
this is his Dave Matthews cry
last time on Harmon time our heroes were escaping from town after they tried to kidnap drove and drove got away they gave up and left the town but DJ went back to the town and got kidnapped so the gang had to rescue them and they did and then they got in a fight where they found some clues that led them to find Patches jab after killing some vampires they went to go help with a fire and then when they were helping with the fire they cause more fire or something I think they put out the fire and then restarted the fire.
and then they made of the Hasty retreat but they were followed by a couple farmers and as they escaped the farmers Pursuit them and then they started cutting the farmers down to size it was pretty much over killed because they were just farmers and they were poorly armed and so then they just kind of I think like you guys convince them to just go away and you’re like we’re just going to leave and then you just kind of left and then you got to Raven telling you to go on a new Mission which you were going to do and then you did it we’re going towards the new Mission place and then you saw a cult and it sounded like you were going to attack the cold now harmontown
what do you eat in either I forgot to take my Adderall this morning or is just going to get cray cray
but you know what it taste like attention
that’s why I love to go to bed until 4 tonight was his Chad attacking the the people no one’s playing in right now right or do you want to play chat instead of instead of the shambling mound Gary gave a look like
when we get it okay we got a lot of volunteers wait wait
wait a minute
I’m hearing room podcast Dynamite how blind are you
legally my eyelashes look up albinism is that you’re living with albinism
I know and someone help him
I think the chairs are on the other side out what there are still starting with is the word albino cuz where is it is that it has the stuff in there two different things but I don’t get offended by it there’s if there’s too many groups getting pissed about us playing villains and we’re all we’re actually all bill I have a friend Victor Varnado he was with his other Channel 101 guy and he’s like yeah he’s been cast as villains like like like like Angels fallen angels are pedophiles are so so so is the word is the suit you’re wearing a beautiful pinstripe suit like are you are you a hitman
OT the shittiest Hitman ever unless it was night time do you are you compensated for exotic good looks that cuz you don’t want because you’re likely I’m going to fucking suit like like respect me as a human being don’t like I don’t know I just always liked them and also that covers it there is no they breathe more than than church do you know the sun doesn’t touch as much of my skin Kaelyn Kaelyn and Chase I don’t know what happened I am DB sorry I didn’t try to protect them
I’m just saying take Keaton chase sounds like a badass
that’s it thanks it does kailin Chase Mister Jace will you please I would love one
leaves on it I have followed a child to fire like her a little bit so I’ll just ask Spencer what I can throw it out of spells right now basically too so it’s I’ll just use my poison cunning yeah wait as long as I have you so I have this chance cuz I just want to know
like I said that the language of it all like is it like like so is it is it rude to call someone albino to tutor me just sitting at the albino’s like from the like that movie with Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn where the guy with the pink eyes albinos have 20/20 vision pink eye eyes and they’re a little more pale and Alvin estate people usually have ocular do I have a pigment in the front of my eyes but I have vision problems when I shake and stuff like that but I look more normal so it’s much more funny when I bump into things and then things are good there like a Scandinavian who’s clumsy
complicated there’s a Minefield there cuz you you can be caught so it’s because it’s not even like oh yeah yeah I know is it seems like with language the key is let’s not call people things so calling someone an autistic is like it’s like okay this is a bad idea and so calling someone an albino I would assume is like bad but but I’m hearing the butt that you can’t say oh that person with albinism because that would be you instead and you love me and with that fucking pink I generally if if somebody’s really interested if they asked me I said I’m sorry to ask are you technically yes and if you’d like to know the reason you have a minute I’ll tell you but it’s like most healers like he has no pigment in that’s fine we don’t have the pink eyes I can’t drive
the Romulan
I bet you take more events than I do but I’m pretty easy-going I suppose
how often do stuff how often do strangers in a public place do they do they do they inquire about that a most mostly it’s way less around here if you can handle David Duchovny sitting near you without acknowledging that you were trained to like respect people by treating them like the moms the tourists are going to look at me could you tell me
angel
angels work you got to rub the lamp
how come your eyes a pink you got to rub the lamp you check out yeah you take advantage of you thank you for answering all those questions and not being like I cuz I know that’s got to be like whatever I don’t know what could be irritating I don’t know if I now go forth into the world a little a little more educated you do with their the East Coast thing I was more funny by the way I could I could Google it if I really had empathy
instead I just wait and abuse strangers in front of it like a bad but thank you thank you for joining is alright so Kaitlin Chase what we found it out that’s all right
now that I know he’s an actor that’s your mind last we left off Chad was attacking these cultists will certainly was announcing he was attacking and seemingly charging towards I have no spells I’d like to stop in my tracks swiftly and look back at my crew OSHA you do that they’re looking at you as if maybe for guidance or what what a false alarm or someone who knows more has failed that’s a good instinct
they were doing a Robux what were they doing they were doing aerobic seemingly they were very far away I I mean I love aerobics I I will we could join them
I think that actually is ridiculous as your pitches usually are compared to attacking them
I’d be willing to yeah let’s just enjoy didn’t he use that he did a Robux with those aerobics called this like many episodes ago and I like you got all that it mats to lay down or can we just let me know I’m asking we need Maps
he’ll lay down to lay down like is it dirt floor are they doing yoga you’re on or like a Tana on an expansive planes and it’s like a flat part in an otherwise rolling landscape of Hills okay do we need I need like Matt’s I use my I unroll my bedroll and use it as a as a yoga mat okay alright well you’re very far away so you’re going to have to approach them and then yeah we’re sure cuz I’m caring you it’s great just don’t sweat too much okay you’re a big monster and so as you approach the cult kind of looks at you and they stop doing their things that they just all kind of turned to look like
who’s Tita something don’t be don’t be afraid don’t be afraid he’s a good guy are you okay are you being harangued by that monster friend okay okay you guys he’s not a monster he’s a good person yoga
you question what would it what are you guys doing oh we’re just amplifying our bodies we know all about that can we join oh yeah camplify your bodies and purify your mind they hand you a white robe with gold trim that’s what they’re wearing until it’s a little small on me it’s very heavy it feels like it’s waited and I like very very heavy but like heavier than clothes sorry what are you doing up at this sounds important it’s like waited like I know it’s the clothes so this is like extra it’s like when you’re hiking and you decide to put on a weighted vest and you’re just getting back in that little extra I let you know I holding them in your hand it reminds you of that exactly oh man
I tie the sleeves around my waist like a badass grunge guy
it’s bad ass like a grunge guy I put the robe on how does it feel is it like it’s heavy know but like it is soft like a Greek cloth but in terms of like robes it’s nice not like a fine robe like Hotel bathrobe like yeah like a hotel but no not quite but let’s say yes doesn’t quite know what does it have pockets when does it become blasphemy for the church is what I want to know is legally blind
I asked I was guides guides I’m like exercising near Chad and I’m like a chant would like cuz honestly I’m part of the problem too because the ideal but now we’re trying to dress like I’m the seems like eventually this is going to go too far do you remember what why we came here where we are on our way to do a mission there was two different ones there’s a pageant jam and then we’re supposed to go from the church to the other place is going to happen first and now we’re doing now we’re wearing heels and robes and this is bad news right now
dude I mean yeah but look I’m getting Jack’s only hit that mining town I’m going to be ready for the fight fight you be fighting is bad guys I think we’re both want to fight the good guy I think we’re supposed to be here like like is it like an episode of Night Ride Theory consultant okay I look at the note again hope this note finds you well not in a position to reassign you but you’re being reassigned head to the mining town of funchess there’s a dispute between the miners Bureau that is to say the Guild of minors and the church’s District prelate which is to say a guy at the church call it the hunch but from what I’ve been hearing you’re just the man to blow up this logjam and help funchess get back to mining okay funchess is the guy that we’re supposed to help against the union has the town conscience is the
I call faccia miniature Liberty we should go there and the union that were upset with Dan
wow this guy’s crazy
well at where’s the hey this is great exercise where’s the mine is one of them hold you hold hands you a big kettlebell and as like purify those abs purify those abs and are we going to do this all day or I purify a couple apps when kettlebell you feel this sin leaving your body
it’s great
hey Jamie I know where the mines are yeah I know you were on your way there there just down this road you were traveling on already come Ciara branch office in Blade Glen sometime what’s it called the branch office of the Church of the body Temple hahaha
you thought I was a monster I’m actually hilarious OU that’s right you are funny all right there we go all right you been walking for one more day you’re almost there but now you see a different called completely different different robes and everything has its rival rival Colts I mean the punchline is you guys run into culture so special
they grow on trees is random Cults these ones aren’t wearing right white robes they’re wearing like black robes that have a bloody colored rooms on them like cool people I take my robe off and I put it in my my my my sack and I got whatever you’re doing
that robe looks pretty pretty freaking cool
okay so you’re really far off again like the last time when you’re seeing this. I just got done kicking the shit out of these white robe guys think I think I wipe my ass a little bit with his white robe because I don’t like it that much and you guys look cool huh yeah they see these guys seem very busy there’s about six of them yeah and most of them are chanting and in like kind of involved an incantation that doesn’t seem to involve you they do notice you’re approaching one of them who is enchanting he walks you over and kind of points that at somewhere to stand because you you seem cool and then and then he hands you like a big black candle
workbook do we get Robux no no candles alright well they’re chanting it’s like a ritual you see there’s all sorts of magical reagents on the floor forming a sort of spell circle or summoning ritual before this gets out of hand I think you might have detect magic I like to do that I’m going to say you’re about 80 feet off unless you want to like exuberance I’m just going to sneak behind and see if this is as bad as it sounds alright you rolled it like with bonuses the 25 so you’re real stealth in right now
so you’re sneaking out
I forgot the other what you trying to do once you’re snuck up I would like to detect like I don’t I don’t know all those the things I want to find out if this is really shity or cool you detect some magic and it seems like serious demon gate opening Magic
okay
the kind that makes demons come to earth I don’t want to don’t want to say that I don’t have any spells out loud right that you already remembered that so at this point I was looking up Rico’s I was looking back at Carlos can’t imagine saying yeah just bonding about how we don’t have any spells left so you don’t either I like your style yeah by the way Cole T-Town
no look hey I’m over here
what are you even trying to open a gate to hell we we need to rest and we need to get on with our mission what do you do what do you even know what you’re doing to find some leads we’re getting some sick close bro what you plan like like like it’s like stardew Valley like you just run into people and you just fucking interact with a ride I go up to the guy who gave me the candle and I give it back and I said I’m really sorry man it’s like stardew Valley here and it’s not what I signed up for I hope I don’t let you know you can’t I didn’t like it yet so but you know it’s the stardew valley shit that’s really bumming us out so we’re going to just like take off
okay cool just not our thing you see a blot of Shadow white in at the center of the circle in the ground forms a scar rip in the earth out of which a massive clawed hand thrust itself like I said we got to get out of here
thanks for joining us
alright challenge Chase
show me how many picture I want you I want you a skirted
yeah you help me get Kaelyn and Jenna with Halo take a link to the Jon schnepp GoFundMe page up on me because they even though it’s like like like it hurt her mom recently died stuff too so that was as soon as it go on me that like to do it again right now we’re sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I don’t know how to cope with death sorry
he’s a good guy and I’ll miss him and we could go at any time
and there’s no shame in that it should actually be an invitation wait for it
those we never go into the single one music
all right
thank you all for coming out to see you next week
I’m not coming out tonight we want to thank Jack Nolan Chris Sarah Kevin Spencer Lorain Rob job and you’re scared