Episode
Episode: 18 – Sand Pollution: The Journals of Young Morrisey
Description
Dan reads from his magical adolescent journals, casting a magical spell of adolescent depression over the entire audience and the dungeons and dragons session. So he brings up a depressed Harmenian and attempts to cure him. But by then he’s pretty drunk.
Transcript
harmontown is now in session
oh yes indeed
in Hollywood California
and you tell me you lucky people listening on your whatever the fuck you listen to things on please welcome the mayor of harmontown
thank you very much
okay
so that’s what they make it weird tonight I didn’t have anything and so I went through my office at home and I found this journal I wrote in the high school and it’s something that La people do a lot of special shows and things you know it said that you know you read your embarrassing adolescent journals and stuff I thought I was trying to be cool but being a nerd trying to be a good writer being a bad writer and I’ll Club mock my teenage self and Well for now which is how I think it usually works when you read these things or I thought I started reading it and I’m just I was I I want to say I was a vinyl person but I mean it’s just I don’t see the difference between this kid in myself
and accept that I just I stopped trying to talk like Frasier all the time which this kid at 15 is still doing and I also just stopped trying to impress other people including myself I got to stop posturing so it’s just it’s just interesting people that do the girl shows has Aaron said they always read the wrong entries they always get out because they don’t get it they don’t understand what about their injuries is you know is what we want to hear you know the schadenfreude whatever it is you’re holding it a spiral 27 Post-it notes like a little do you know
the first one I was obsessed with transition so there’s a lot of his last chapters that happen to bring the journal to a conclusion at 17 self-actualized that the title is sand pollution the journals of Dan Harman November 1989 to September 1990 sand pollution yes I’m glad you asked my voice at 15% really I won’t bother to start November 27th 1989 10:30 p.m. surrounded by like probably just a lot of my own,
I I cannot seem to recall and not being able to stop touching myself physically or mentally cuz no one else was going to do either job and a patch on my acid wash denim jacket sleeve cuz I was very intellectual was Amanda and exploring all religions and stuff I think that for the first time going to try not to read this voice because I I don’t want to I don’t want to like like I’m I’m just going to like just hurts really bad but I’m not going to
if you catch me starting to go like this like to make fun of myself. I think that’s for the first time in my life I consciously realized something today
November 27th comes and goes with each identical year
but today was the first and last 11 2789 I would ever experience
absolutely nothing extraordinary happened today for the day itself along with every other individual day of the year is gone now forever I suppose that’s what an optimist or a reborn Christian is someone who can appreciate every day as the only one of its kind and every person is something unrepeatable renewed Vision could only last so long before slowly decomposing whilst laying in it
wow wow she laying in bed or wait for a replacement philosophy I am an agnostic and I realize that philosophy is in the truest sense food for thought
hanging onto one bit for too long is silly it right so Michelle begins to stink no one gets to enjoy it you must consume philosophy perhaps after brief depreciation and how do you consume it by bringing out it’s opposite and exposing it is just more sand the Themis, it’ll be slowly revealed to you all recollection I’d have to give this day a Solid 5 why would I admit it’s pretty good. Maybe that’s what I wanted you to think I don’t say I don’t know if I think anyone’s ever going to read this I died but I got but I know that I’m trying to impress like myself for some unseen reader has been invented yet
Myspace play a typical I won’t read all the ones that are kind of typical like this as one of my sign up
will do I have to do the voice night and weariness whisper warnings of a Melancholy Morrow
alright I take it all back
the last may I look upon it with the usual neutral dreaded Dear Sir be with me from 6 till 6 on the special 28 for I predict it will be an ugly Dirksen for caca
you should be asking who is Max a lot of questions to the San Master you remember when I told you I told you that thank you for not calling out for the audience that’s partly true Jim Nightblade was a character I played in a game called Shadow run nice
never never let it be said that I did not find my crowd before I die for Shadowrun but if you get one you have found your Niche it was the Futures at new future in which the technology we both are awakened Magic Hat Brewery awakens and it said they were like ogres and dragons and stuff but there were also like hers and cyber things and and I played it with the ladies all of my eyes talking about role-playing and I suddenly realized who Max was Max was one of my what was my favorite actual D&D character actually he was a buddy of playing the game called
Middle-earth role-playing it was okay and if you ever wanted me to go cute I don’t know what it is but Zach has chewed up some of his hip hop so if you ever if you if you’re seeing or are ear hurt when your cheeks get to a maximum brightness feel free to pop the champagne crack with a little hip hop in December 12th 1989 10:40 p.m. tomorrow if one thing goes right I shall I shall have opportunity to partake
in a Shadowrun with Neil
Seattle in the year 2050
your copy is so strong such a pleasant place to escape to
where is where are prepositions in sentences, don’t bully anybody where Jim Bounty Hunter streets without fear for him nothing goes wrong that can’t be fixed by next gaming session
and how I long to control you again for an hour or two of ours this to Lorraine usage
play John Anderson Williams also so that I might add to my treasure chest in fantastic experiences which I share with myself alone after the game has been done for today’s world has perfect screenplay potential earlier that life has no screenplay potential
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses a lot but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the theme to like to my own life so there’s always a little t and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker at myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blackstone, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
this is another one day earlier I don’t even know what to write but I feel a surge of pathetic feelings I know them in a matter of hours something will go wrong or right and for the rest of my life some things will just keep going wrong right real life sucks as absolutely no screenplay potential
when is hairball
life is a monotonous hairball
that’s right I’m happy then sad right than wrong
what was that it I don’t know I’m happy then sad right than wrong early than late than young these drops and Pete are tightly adhered to a steady flat line that is my boring existence the problem is these are normal teenage claims
but I’m not supposed to be a teenager in fact I’m not I sense that
my roots run deeper than any adults my branches puncture the farthest layer of sky but my roots have yet to drink freely and Miley have yet to even Bud leaves but I don’t even know
so anyways I talked about going to play in the role playing game and then at Deborah has proved extremely potential as the characters I played I created in played in various role-playing game as does milk into cups and of course Maxwell art fall Maxwell art fall was my big that was my guy who is who is he a ladies man
a strangely enough
I mean it gets it gets dark I become I become more and more of a dick as like my my sexual frustration kind of like that music again I think I might I might just right
there’s a side I’ll be dipped in dogshit if I didn’t pass my road test on Friday I’m a licensed driver
that’s a real journal entry about the particulars of the Gestalt and remind me at 40 of what are you doing Saturday I just had to throw them under the bus I guess go to the snow ball dance at school I didn’t go to the company Christmas party at Ground Round I didn’t go to ComedySportz on Sunday Gina moved in with some guy by UWM Gina would be some girl I had a crush on somebody but never talks to me
actually she let me kiss her under the mistletoe this is December 17th and 89th and I think I’m 15 my car insurance Shelby costing me about $100 a month or is it 15 years old job half my pay it anyway I was a dishwasher god-knows-what gasoline costs funny thing is these are my only problems few more I got to see you in a bit with paper and I’m 8 and 1/2 stories behind in that class I have to clean my room no Christmas shopping done no girl to spend the remaining 40 per cent of my money on ladies don’t weep for me I ice views a misogynist shed
I guess the bottom line is that I need a little excitement or a little order to my life I wish I had a few friends who didn’t laugh at everything I said
rather had a reply that Mike silently amuse me give me the confidence I feel I need to be more successful with the checkers
December 18th January 3rd transitional movement
Phase 2 begins
Cass Tech High Vis jacket
next up is vodka and reads
in reference to the dealings of my Phase 1 South in fact I’m afraid that no more involvement in the Affairs of others
no extracurricular attempt set hobnobbing
go to spoken to and win which is unavoidable
you know sometimes you don’t know your own strength
think before speaking no reflexive speech that wears a Groove in your brain like grew into the master of should have listen to No More sombre thoughts of existentialism that aren’t properly coated with wit and or humor
number for no unsolicited criticism outside the presence of the subject Sandler face number five constant quest for adventure… When offered two choices take the less routine sticks an 80% reduction of all negative humor
which is easier to execute than the more enjoyable refreshing positive humor that will replace it hints
well anyways it’s supposed to say that the policy in general dictates of War light Carefree image including in my class.
set a beauty sleep
all right
cool music this is this is the point where I started to go this is fucked up like this is really fucked up and I don’t know what to say to mitigate that before reading this I don’t know what to do to protect myself from your judgment reading this because as explaining Aaron I I don’t I don’t know enough differences between me and this person except that this person to write this down and end like I I mean I I know I know that this person is lying to himself but I I don’t be saying that is not a mess
Tuesday January 23rd 1990 11:14 p.m.
I will probably never forget tonight for two reasons one big one small the small reason is that I lost my virginity in the back of my mother’s 83 Firebird
then I realized what a complete scumbag I am I am the worst shade of evil you can get tonight I played the role of the heroic superstud to the last time
boy did I do good
I said get your hands off of her what a macho one I was referring to the story that I’ve told him at least another podcast about this one where the girl I lost my virginity until I met her online and I went to her place and we were a couple dates we kind of weird. I went to her place and we made out then her crazy mom came home started yelling at her about a New Kids on the Block fan club check that she had taped together after being disposed of his punishment for not doing her chores she was Twenty-One and had a kid and was really in the New Kids on the Block of a drawer and started yelling drunk and like I stepped in between this Elizabeth girls mom and her and with my acrylic sweater in my little rat tail in my eyes than my chest and and and and said
like I said so she had so afterward we went under the hoan bridge in Milwaukee and we had sex in the back of my mom’s car and I’m really feeling my oats feeling your oats
is that what’s up with you
would you love I would stop at 16 and it all works I was partly responsible for patching up a family tonight
people were happy and safe because of Dan Harmon
I even got the Ultimate Prize I’m stuck here in the freezing cold weather in a cramped car she came twice
here’s here’s the punch line I don’t give a shit about any of them I’m not even going to write her name on papers so if my parents read this I can pretend it was someone respectable
why am I talking like Andrew McCarthy
I was lower-middle-class she lived she live on her name is Tammy said I sound like she was in that everything I did tonight that made it look like I cared for her with some realistic Sherrod from my mother’s soap operas some half-assed reflex something in me that needed to play Life just like on TV was perfect all the wild in my mind I was up at ComedySportz again strutting my stuff on the AstroTurf stage
the light of the Rabid audience that demanded to see the new game called the romance
strut your stuff on AstroTurf
God knows I don’t give a shit about anyone but me I drew a stick figure that is I know is Maxwell art fall cuz he has a bandana around his head there are three stick figure women flocking towards him he is brandishing a little stick figure store it and I labeled it sort of charm
and he’s holding a rope as if to email about to swing away like Errol Flynn then it says it says a rope of apathy
60 girls don’t know how to take I’ll let you for the compliment it is
Tuesday February 13th is a little less than a month later that never ends
oh he’s good
Tammy was taken away to a mental hospital
real
the brains out of her
Sammy was taken away.
Attempted suicide is illegal you see
my dad was at Jeff I factor into the pits of Despair at
I guess I didn’t have to deal with her after all my hero after I got off the phone with her when I realized she was a manic-depressive schizophrenic who thought she was a Satanist Satanist that’s the true story I felt bad about not giving a shit about her so I wrote this eulogy and it says Tammy by Dan Harmon
show me
like like I’ll do it later man roses are red violets are blue I’m so sorry I put my wiener or anywhere near you
try not try to Buck up wherever you are and and I also apologize for the size of my mom’s car and just as the poem suggests she’s dead to me now blah blah blah and I can’t deal with the idea the only person that would let me do it as like this you know this person I met online and she was kind of thinking she was mentally unstable and she did I don’t know what I don’t even know exactly what I’m doing something some energy larger than myself by being a woman hating it Like A pompous ass hole at like it acting like whatever and I just really uncomfortable sing me it’s not like you haven’t a toned enough with the fact that this is your sixteen-year-old sell that that you were like why is it embarrassing if it’s not you anymore I like
it’s been a million years but it’s just like it’s just too uncomfortable seeing that has a kind of core of your personality like kind of laid out by someone who doesn’t know how to how to how to dress it up right yet but his dress is like a special dress that belies the really gross shit underneath I’m sure he could come up with a much better metaphor for what I’m trying to say
I’m not just getting the same things out of life as everyone else so another entry later I’m only talking to myself on this paper so I’ll just be honest look at everybody else they are so weird because of the way they talk the way they write the way they think they’re not like me at all the only similarity is I have are the things I picked up acquired his habit like a foreigner in America I need a cat-scan maybe I have a tumor what the fuck happened to me like Fraser anymore it was like I needed that first orgasm so I can get out of the Shakespeare good thing I am like the perfect person
everything goes swell for me I have so much to be thankful for maybe the problem is I don’t know who they think I remember I had a saying when I was around twelve or thirteen that used to amuse people I’d say thank something one would think it was a malicious Canta way of wanting my then fledgling agnosticism towards God but it wasn’t was a genuine played an honest praised A desperate attempt by me to show my appreciation to whoever was in charge without offending anyone by using the wrong name and I don’t mean anyone down here nothing is changed I’m so confused I’m so confused there is nothing to latch onto it’s like an equation in algebra with no numbers just variables you’ll never solve it and don’t think that confuses therapeutic because it doesn’t do a thing for me to be depressed introverted observant ambidextrous funny
young prepared afraid apathetic there’s no one to ask there never was never will be anyone like me on this planet and who cares if there was the blind leading the blind no one knows no one understands the simultaneous pain and pleasure I live with
Italy on the brink of the insanity I swam in when I was younger somewhere between 7th and 8th Grade Center
who did who did who did the cut themselves when they’re going to do this kind of damage I’m always finding a new excuse to postpone spot list I go Bonkers is that nuts have allergic to my own mind I am so confused I am so confused what will become of me everyone else has this determined look on their face this purpose in life what do I have where the fuck am I who am I and how did I end up in the body of a seventeen-year-old
help
June 20th 1990
haven’t written in a while I think I’m going to write a short story Loosely based on my recent experiences in life and love
I’ll call it
Twinkies of Inferno
that’s not the whole title
there’s a colon and then there’s more
Squinkies of Inferno The Adventures of Dapper Dan
city of love
I think I am in love but she hardly knows me surprise
and she’s going to college in September she is beautiful intelligent witty here’s the best part she only laughs at my really good jokes and when she does she lights up the whole room had better put her name down for future reference I put her full name and address
enter phone number
so future historians can track her down at what was it like to be loved by Maxwell art fall for give myself when she’s gone and never time for a poetry break I say
I don’t think that that song will work with them to come to the Demeter of this poem what do you want but you feeling kind of yeah there’s not a place that you can go there’s no one here you need to know there’s not a thing by Doctor Seuss
it occurs to me
someone had some inspiration here I will not talk to you in a car
really I just trying to make it work with whatever you think will be more of its it’ll be like a doctor’s response there’s not a place that you can go there’s no one here you need to know there’s not a thing that you can be there’s no such thing as symmetry there is no balance right or wrong there are no words there is no song There Is No pleasure without paying there is no sunshine while it rains there’s not a deed that you can do there’s no one else there’s only you you’re on your own do what you will you had your fill and then you’ll see who will share the answers you and me when you were when you were not I split you up and now you seek to interrupt go back go back and tend your own you’ll die you’ll die you’re not alone I think that’s God writing a sippy cup
there’s a complete the story book bring up Spencer I mean this is been a full thing that you watch this the ending of me reading my pretentious Journal buddy but you know what this guy wouldn’t care what you think of this lie are you straight
I use the rope to get away from the women who are drawn in by my sort of charm Jeff
what
second to last entry
August 1st 1990 12:51 a.m.
I got that that indicates that I’ve started drinking and think I’m coming home later I ran into some old friends tonight
I was at a stoplight in my 83 Firebird
when a car pulled up next to me I noticed it contained shin’ar Dern Dave Harrison Mike must Crow
I rolled down my car window and said hello strangely enough the first words out of Mike’s mouth were smooth grip LubeTube what I then remembered the two years ago I had to use that term in a speech on birth control to our oral communications class
Mike and Dave were in that class they were seniors and I was a sophomore now I was a senior sitting next to them once again at a red light they were drunk conversation was slacking so I mentioned the fact that Andy Luciano the sports guy on TV 6 News was at White Hen Pantry I said he looked like Don Ho I added that his wife was a Don Ho herself agache Don Ho
and he doesn’t really look like that Andy looks Hawaiian on the only Hawaiian I know is ho
there is a little little tipsy go to the journal that night I think feeling a little alright final entry
Sunday September 30th 1990 11:44 p.m. I will not bother to do well I have become senior class vice president
the class of 91 has failed in their last chance to win homecoming week we are truly the victims of an administrative conspiracy
my experience has continued to push me up the ladder towards self-actualization spiritual Unity with sought and body and deed as I progressed I begin to realize that the top run is connected to the goddamn Bottom Rung so it’s not so much climbing to the top as it is learning to deal with this round ladder
Story Circle birth of a model this journal seems so incomplete without its gaps and ambiguities there’s enough buddy but I sense that this is it for this journal I just had a funny feeling but maybe I’m speaking over a decade or more to My Future Self
in My Wife and Kids
Dan Old Dan
take a walk once in a while
I may be young but I do not lack and wisdom
I don’t know what to tell you this but at this point I was reading this in the green room and I started crying Aaron was watching. Could you saw how upset I was with the previous injuries and I’m I’m like reading this and crying and kind of smiling a little as you like what it what it what is it what is it I’m not crying because it’s it’s good I’m I’m just crying because my 17 year old self like like like landed the perfect closer to a segment I can’t believe that perhaps you have turned to this book in a moment of need
sure I had no bits
if so try to remember the spark that we share and listen to me when I say that you should hang on
I wonder who that shit in your life is
is she pretty
I know you don’t care but I’m 17
I know you’ve loosened your staff
you must love her it must be awesome YouTube probably fight a little
but I’ll bet she’s the type that knows how to handle your little mind tricks
I hope some rainy night you two have a fight and she kicks you out of the house or you storm out take a walk or a ride in your Corvette
and she finds this notebook on the coffee table open to this page and she reads it and realizes that you really are capable of love but you don’t show it sometimes and I hope you really did mean your child Max
because you’re both Woody Allen fan and I hope that she he or she is what you always dreamed of and I hope someday here she achieves what it seems you were not born to do they are give my love to your loved ones try to realize that your parents if alive feel the same way and would love a call from you on the visit phone
which now exists
with that I leave this the last entry in the first volume of my journals
it would have been nice if it would have been a whole year long but only the calendar runs on 12 months Cycles people do not
the sunsets once again on this crazy Beach
the people continue to construct their strange shapes in the sand
will the tide rolls in and out
if you will Spencer Crittenden rgm
alright hope it really it really is a the positive word for it is catharsis the bad word would be absolute draining like like just the crippling sadness 17 I think we would all be embarrassed by anything we did that’s it’s it’s it’s pretty embarrassing because you really stuck the landing on it on Hancock and also you asked your other self to that’s that’s narcissistic
it’s like Looper I hope he killed himself cuz he keeps fake threatening to and all his dramatic journal entries meanest of you know adolescence that you know kind of stinks up the giant but still whilst I was like Shakespeare like like but bad until like a good girl let me touch your boobies
bad Kerouac actualize Rider by John fante I love you already 9 so should we grab our character sheets do you want me to give him this is a character sheet distribution music
catfish ate a cross the stage like so many pieces of written upon paper Spencer if he will answer to the Stars
bring us up-to-date if you would in the last adventure Our Heroes Guided by the Barbarian Karen Bradley finally arrived and yellow and the first of three bucks a lot in Canton noticing something amiss the game came to discover that the bus electribe had formed an uneasy alliance with Ash tail and his black pine Knolls in a bid to gain control of the entire bus Peninsula Sharpie single-mindedly sought out his father only to find that he was in blue Camp gathering with advisers to discuss the doors possible surrender but when the game got to Blue Camp they were told Barbarian Lord left the red Camp the Gathering Place of Warriors eventually Sharpie met with an old rifle Deadeye Duncan who revealed that the Lord’s last night with a retinue of elite Warriors from the tribe where were they headed that have I was pretty in the back by then I think I think I might have been during a blackout
you met him so he said that my dad left with a retinue of Barbarian Warriors it was presumably a secret mission of sorts a few Barbarian stand staring and muttering to one another any left in the dead of night the most mysterious part of night
cork
I’m no wizard that this but I am a wizard
and I think we need a Tracker that experienced Ranger of sorts
do we have do we have a 20 on Donna do you have a 20 like a location in a very cool manner stands mo’reen sadhana I sauntered over to her approach to Human
role-player Erin mcgathy
surprising her role is mo’reen sadhana
it is so poppers when I was a kid my mom is doing a Guiding Light and it’s so proper as they I don’t know if they still do this but because they shoot one everyday and so you can’t avoid like some peasant main character gets really sick and I have no choice. They said they very often like a guile what they’re going to do where is Clifford and then like this guy that you’ve been watching for 25 years of Clifford comes in what is a totally different guy wearing the same sweater and then this voice ever would just come into the Parlour Clifford Johnson will be played by Daniel villagra the coolest thing in the world
hello
sorry we forgot that you were with us or that you disappeared in the last chapter of our campaign Adventure tell us about joining the different what was the name Suri Cruise and there’s a late are you lying are you lying to us right now, but I’ll look as fate would have it we have a use for you
Chris you fate
my dad’s missing he we left didn’t tell anybody where he went I don’t think I’ve seen the worst part of the night the dead of night I don’t know how tracking Works to find a broken Branch to Donna knows exactly how tracking works I do
describe them briefly
search for signs of presence you are present that’s true she tracked her own present
using your Keen sense of smell you detect the distinct Aroma of butts a lot Warriors out the door smells do
because I’m a gentleman
your token is accepted gratefully
you wouldn’t you wouldn’t notice that
I did a pretty quiet about it self-involved murderer
or I
that place to buy your own petard Sharpie
take a quick break or over the evening with my journals it just raise your hand if you’re my biggest fan in the world like if you think it’s maybe like like like really you have a super claim like you really really adored me really really like you could you felt like I was really a magnificent human being
change to the journalism really just concerned I like you more okay. You you really are the same but we don’t change it until afterwards
Jubilee journaling for having sex right now
all right doing it wrong
pressing play on the Spencer DVR outside of red camp now it is evening you can’t see far in the Rolling Hills
still track on those smells you lose track of the smells
EDD
all set that traffic but all it did was get it out of the ground and see several pairs of tracks it looks like they’ve been attempted to be covered up your Keen eyes see through the illusion
I suggest that we follow the tracks that are most fun it’s a lot like
all right
yeah we better if we better let him up gentleman lighting your torches you shed light on the path it’s just I’m so awkward you guys like like like we’re we’re all feeling like a sand dune
is many shapes as I intend to create on this and I know the tide will next robley come
I was 15 to you guys I wish I wish I could have found you headed to punch up on my journal
the guy with the band night with Maxwell arkfall pussy
it was a terrible his rope of apathy could not get him this whole Court
the all-new 2050 Corvette
Vizio phone
examine our surroundings about a Spencer you fail to see the footprints that does this does crudely covered up Footprints footprints
East West Fargo Southwest
I say that every day it’ll be awesome if you were sick last week you said
have you been licking your dice again
how to draw a number two
okay sorry Spencer where we are concerned about your health steadily poisoning my body with like processed in fast food so you know just combines to make me feel terrible all the time
you’re like a plus-15 at faking 1911
111 lb Southeast you
make very little progress you track about a mile and a half before losing the trail it seems like it either beat veers to the southeast of the Southwest but you’re not sure which the southeast you can see mountains in the distance the Southwest you can’t make much out of the mountains you guys
guys going to meet with doors and drawers like being taller
he’ll do anything will probably have this much
anachronisms much I’m speaking up for what seems like hours you know we got a lot of down time on this Earth I’m So Perfect
wish I could find a woman who who only last when I’m really funny then then I would give her my penis
she would love it or I am 17
nice
weird
goodnight the comfort for a good five or six hours in the evening I mean you could make hamper you could press on you don’t know where these tracks lead so there’s not really a good timing to it I think it’s a little something like that like
all right. Where was that where is technology made these magic Shadowrun
I don’t see how this is constructed
Littleton close to home it’s very clever and very expressive ultimately I think it’s Thursday of that fear for its future I think I think it should
this one this is harmontown I created this
you created Sarah Silverman a community to
there’s no way
we are a family
I’m single I probably will go into a Berserker rage
that might actually help me to get to some of these issues I’m really feeling really like ineffective right now I’m trying to track my dad and I left him in the first place because I didn’t feel like I was enough of a man now I can’t even find the guy destroys about your dad you can tell us where I can hit me with a magic belt
what sort of magic
heart like more rain but it’s not it’s not sensitivity that I need to get my shit together
too hard on yourself smells is my dad
I used enough you helped enough this is the father-son bond May Jagger and I make a tiny painless cut on my hand
haven’t had a dream I hold my fist out by the Torchlight squeeze a little drop of blood at my feet and I say
father father find well divination isn’t your strong suit, but you do get the sense that he’s to the southeast the Southwest the mountains are to the Southwest assuming you are right it is evening 4 a.m. then we go to the southeast of the cover of night safer to travel without lights at night right
you are incredibly convincing in your argument the others are one of them
slowly but surely you had to the southeast the more the break of dawn
examine our surroundings now you see off in the distance smoke Rising as it from some sort of encampment or small village
try me I say we hide
action English let’s head toward the encampment last night while you were sleeping
you talk a lot of trash when you were 16 years old then and think I went through some shit I know a sharp nose and passes it really moved me when you talk to your current self and you got the date exactly right and you wish that you would you start acting like a like an adult so you you assume that you already would be here you are just hiding in a bush for a rest of your life the 15 year olds hidden that journal
hang out by Magic
all right here right now you can cut the tension with a knife
where is 6 you know what all that having been said I think we head towards the enchantment triumphantly you raise yourself for the bushes they enjoy progress
people liking people like hitting play more than pause I just meant we’re left-wingers the unmistakable Aroma of no hide smell it
Knowles of don’t knows are bad I mean I don’t know what it means
all right I think this section of the Indy has been the bringing Adam Goldberg up on stage of D&D session
and I think we got to know when to when you meet exciting and eliminated
we should probably set set up set up a set of champion and not do anything you don’t have to you can pause before actions like I don’t like a cliffhanger jump I start get up up into the air freeze freeze frame
it’s me it’s not you really think it’s him I don’t know what he did wrong but maybe he wasn’t supportive enough of my journal
is there a UPS jacket
Canary fun of it because I love D&D playing stupor as your friend famous friend to come and play with us we couldn’t bag another gas so that Spencer was like is he coming no sorry so now we didn’t have it you know now where it were walking on a path for a whole week it’s my fault the whole thing is my fault when I was sixteen but a person who over apologize
that is a coping mechanism that I spent thirty years developing in place of math
Clinton state park because I personally am I am concerned about this growing anxiety permit you to come up on stage and sit in this chair and grab the mic so the audio PA
do you need a drink and I know things iety how you out like a agoraphobic or it just weird
I bet you even sound like a m everyone I know they’re so heard the podcast our people to come to the show that gets it Ken is pretty unanimous that people really enjoy you in the show and like they they love what you do do not feel welcome here come here but it’s like I’m just anxious like it doesn’t make sense it’s not like there’s things that are happening there like making me anxious it’s like I’m making me feel weird about things that are happening I’ve had that because of this because of Hermantown or not cause of stress both good and bad like I mean it just does that I didn’t even know it I was getting light-headed and it was it was because I enjoyed the San Diego Zoo or something I don’t know it doesn’t matter
anxious stuff are you feeling anxious right now kind of like now that you just brought it up but
like what if I really focus hard on it right now in the high relief just my anxiety I think I’m definitely pressing it down now I don’t know if you feel safe here is it because I will but I feel safer having you up here on stage like I think you create a very calming blanket and harmontown is that you’re you’re very good at what you do I’m glad if that changes let me know gracefully take my exit so I’m good it’s fine you guys I think you’re better at what you do them by our at what we do whatever it is we do I don’t you you get up here next to get up and do a specific job quite well I would likely you’ve defined it for me so we have to be anxious what do you like dream-pop Spencer
is cannabis Cincy aesthetic typically Melancholy emotionally yet but kind of has more tone than Melody sometimes I would say Mazzy Star would be like a dream pop playlist item M83 particularly fond of Wikipedia to find out the rest do you have any do you have any other other than the iPhone or iPod that we can play
I don’t think it would be I’m just curious I think my mood is all ready to dream poppy that’s the right now and we would need something more Bluegrass 82 to bring the show to the station is there is there anybody here tonight that feels like they are going through a particularly troubling. In their lives somewhere that has a terrible problem. Jesus is and is already going up here and talk about it a little bit
Central take his dungeon master seat Jesus will come after Jesus I remember it was in the front row I think second row the night we did we interviewed everyone of all Races and he was one of the Latino people but you’re the one week I missed pretty races wow
different Latino
okay okay Jesus action that’s called racism
or Alzheimer’s as an ambassador of Mexican people I forgive you think you know about Juliet
night when we get a different sort of in my mind all that episode 4 that’s at 1:14 so that’s why I know what’s the problem it’s one of those things I feel like things I’m not allowed to complain about I have a great job I get paid around people problems people that are like 40 year old Mexican men are like outside Home Depot waiting for a job but I mean it’s a lot of lot of time I hate it even though it means I told you about it’s basic drilling holes in a spaceship parts.
yes yeah it’s a lot of time and a lot of the time listening to your show and while you’re working on the spaceship going to take us to the moon but let them know that you’re not saying these things cuz you’re schizophrenic actually have a job at where I mean I mean I don’t know what I can say what
in recorded history so like the first episode it was really liked you the first time I said you’re talking about how much I suck to be fired on the quote like you were really personal revelatory like this first the first thing I heard from you and I was depressed and I started slowly it became my favorite thing in the whole world satisfaction dissatisfaction in your job in a creative active kind of like
yeah and you want that career to progressed fried and it just so what are you saying you’re creative but you’ve ended up in a scientific going to call the fact in your career or you say yeah I mean I don’t get them completely I have no reason for myself out to be really risky I just read a Tumblr entry that that
I guess I’ll just say you you you believe your mom didn’t love you and no joke for kind of like they say they love me all the time I just don’t really I’m not really I don’t really feel that maybe on the reptile bipolarism anything that comes down the pike they could be broken inside me but anyways I bring that up because you feel like your mom didn’t love you I feel like I have no excuse to have all the stuff out beautiful little neighborhood and lower middle-class suburb of Milwaukee we play Kick the Can and then nnnn partook of the nectar of the of the pit pear trees I don’t know much about wildlife
but I took it for granted I I we threw rocks at cars and ran around lately cause trouble for the funk of it cuz we lived in Eaton you know he’s tied ropes across the street to try to get out of their cars and do what the fuck are you doing and we like a runaway juvenile they’re there there’s two there’s not enough pain in their life I was looking at photos today on Reddit of what’s going on in Syria is is blowing my mind that I could I was looking at pictures of it and is functioning as entertainment I wasn’t that word to usually mean like haha this is so fun but but you can also be being entertained by like holy shit that’s crazy y’all all fucked up and like like like just like everyone pointing guns out of Kohl’s in cement wall that each I can’t tell her the good guy the bad guys are who they think who’s fighting who
you complain they’re at where’s my where’s my bullets where’s Fred there self-actualize but we know that’s not the solution when I’m by myself the people who get to sit around and whine and have first world problems a key Ally of North America you might say who I think it’s a harmontown enough kind of what do you call it just claiming of whatever your complaints are so imagine that everyone forgives you imagine that everyone that no one’s going to be muttering under their coffee cups then that guy got up and he should be grateful but he’s not black
like what’s your pettiest complaint I told you my Gartner’s doing something wrong with lips ruin my day like what’s your what’s your what do you wish it was true that isn’t there it’s all the time on spending drilling holes in the stuff that I could be in a room with funny how some people making things I wish that was my job I wish I could just get drunk and high and make things like I haven’t ever seen an interview when you were talking about the Denville Farm of like all these ideas and people just add to it I was so excited and you don’t have a Twitter account verify but I don’t do anything on it I just got to be my job it’s just jealousy of other people that in high school I I thought that my dream was with
too grandiose and no I’m not going to be great after while blah but then like a dozen or so my friends in the same class focused and struggled and they succeeded there they’re doing what they traveling on the world doing the stuff and I are Creative Vision to go down like an engineering are they doing a creative thing as far as you’re concerned what you’re doing is drilling holes in space space flight I’m just I’m still there coronavirus Airlines on the line for their art and their craft meeting that they eat ramen noodles and me and I took a more sense
not your reward is it jelly me calls and you think about Tony who who may or may not be fucking Natalie Portman or or whatever it is that he’s doing whatever the fantasy is because she’s deep
the good news for the amount of time that creative spend doing nothing even remotely creative is like almost equal to the amount of time that nine creative do nothing at all like I could have spent that time writing but I didn’t I mean so I mean I guess what I’m saying is it’s not too late and you’re worried that I think you’re concerned might be that you would have to quit your job cuz you can’t you can’t drill a hole in a spaceship at the same time as you right in the middle of a notepad what if a pickle met a Bigfoot retaining people which has become like me drilling holes in space ships
people have to talk like me to do I I assume that you seem so self-assured like I you give me a patch on a spaceship hasn’t shipped together Spencer nails and every time this is so funny to me that they like to look at you people and people don’t assume you guys haven’t got it all together you can look at them and have it all laid out as long as you just said so it’s eliminating crazy to like to find out that severe anxiety right now it’s deep down we believe in ourselves unbeliever great like you know
form-fitting around electron blah blah blah and I have my past memory since I think as a dungeon master
make no mistake
is very melancholy people has liked that too he listens to like Pink Floyd in like a really big really bitter dark sad depressing stuff are great lives at like we go like people who are happy have kind of been as happy as to be in quotes and sort of sad because we’ve all met people who are kind of what kind of enjoy being miserable and it’s hard to put a hopefully not a lot of us have them as friends but they’re like in your circle of friends and you just kind of say about them like he likes being he likes his on Wii
but that’s his thing that’s how he’s happy I don’t think that’s you I had a good news for you is you’re actually on the precipice of making yourself happy because what’s the first thing that’s going to happen before you make yourself happy it’s not going to be you being happy it’s going to be you not being happy otherwise of the things thing wouldn’t make any sense so you’re here you’re drilling holes in space ships here you’re raising your hand when someone says who feels this way or that way you’re you’re answering cuz of his writing pickle me to Bigfoot so is doing what you feel like you really want to do to go home and write something and actually stare at the paper like sitting in a room alone of God I think was a good metaphor you might have been blackout drunk
a jail cell when you write if you’re really good at it it’s like it’s a it’s a violet don’t feel like that like I got the idea I’ll have great aspirations but also I think that we’re not arrogant enough to assume that the world I was at to us you know I think it’s probably in his room to make up their mind power and the creativity to do something like absolutely stupendous in town like a colony looking at like the brainpower and the sensitivity in the eye and the sensibilities
such a Baptist Revival happening and 15 year olds journal for a while the fifteen-year-old aspirations of a Melancholy kind of Morrissey live going on I’m kind of a groovy way at the top of your lungs
create
who has the power to make
titled
I don’t blame you sir because I kind of lost track of my thought
the size of Montana
Jake will Reagan live across the paper of all the women in the recipe for biscuits that will make you shit yourself Rosa Parks had a pancake recipe what are the hours of the Civil Rights Movement she also had a recipe for peanut butter pancakes will wipe you out Rosa Parks
Robin Williams who can go to SeaWorld put his head in a whale tank
dolphin talk and have the
pain in his beard grows from his face when it has a detached only his fears and Thoughts with wrong with you young man sings
text Lee takes a lot of work and realize I thank you thank you
who’s this
go away
scrape the bottom may be a modern family back in his spare time between drilling holes with spaceships or or or even an original idea it would be really bad and then he showed it to his most trusted friends and they say this is stupid
is that right there is no way
I kind of wish I could I think that’s the nice thing about that that thing is
oh. You’re pretty embarrassing thing is like this is pretty good but one message is never too late to start the one messages it could happen overnight but not until you do it shity for a while another messages like it takes a long time blah blah blah I mean that the only things that you can control the things that you do the next day so I’m being creative as a Keurig doesn’t really learn that like people do because they have to do it like it doesn’t necessarily like you need that as fuel you could actually conceivably concerned about it you could maybe Grill some holes in some spaceship sound like Saturday or something like like like something like like chip away at it
running to I had a dream where I played a 16-bit video game design by you all right
alright 16-bit Jesus
Jesus everybody give him a hand
buy him a drink maybe
that’s how you feel any better I’m feeling a lot better you guys
I don’t like the right thing and mentally is there any way or they could do to make you feel spiritually or physically better tonight subscribing to the podcast on iTunes and writing incredible ratings like five star reviews enjoy it
all right well everybody listen cheap your feet
on the side of the tree
keep your hands on a dog keep your eyes looking at the stars while one of them keep your other eye looking at a like a lizard that that that will keep inspiring you to make your eyes able to point to different directions
go back to your feet because I should do me those up to
first three times in one of your feet is a 40 year old fat man with a hot girlfriend which which I really care about cuz I’m 17 and I know he doesn’t care about a bunch of people that like them and then I always laugh at everything.
Daniel Kramer Justin Marshall