Episode: 32 – Harmoncountry: Arlington, VA

Episode

Episode: 32 – Harmoncountry: Arlington, VA

Description

The mayor and comptroller spend their night in the X Files capitol investigating ghosts, aliens, incest and 9-11 before playing D&D with all black people.

Transcript

hello Arlington guess what I’ve got very good news Hermantown just now it says, what does the Arlington Drafthouse once you please welcome the mayor of Hermantown Jan Harmon, he’s got a camera on his head that’s a camera on his head he got a camera on his head, you all have to sign a release form later goes he has over camera on his head he’s got a camera on his head, welcome, 10 minutes for the front door of the forces than a fresh us, but these guys in Washington DC from the White House I don’t know there’s no traffic, you guys in this town you want to talk about politics tonight right like, are you want to do you want to talk about politics or that camera on your head the whole show iCloud Woods Way whatever is whatever is in there and I’ll run out and I’ll take it off pretty soon aren’t you concerned about like brain cancer and its concern of a perfect man is wearing a sling forward data show them I can only be described as a jock strap on your head, it’s like a biker helmet without the protection and end all the capacity to film your impending doom, Let’s do an experiment let’s get Spencer out here immediately we’ve never done it then we’ve never brought him up this earlier if I Can Shed bring the queen out too early they warned you not to bring your clean out too early and chest in uc400 Spencer if he has an apple sweatshirt on that a full beard full of beer Dennis he takes his speech way too early in the show he is Spencer thank you for turning in Spencer Spencer, again for those of you, that possibly don’t know who Spencer is Spencer is our dungeon master we’ve been traveling with it some point in the show we play we played dungeons dragons with Spencer who is that truly been a wonderful companion on the road Spencer Bowl Spencer it doesn’t matter winterbock and a windscreen for, my check that’s better thank you, town is the place to be to start your member with an antenna beef Colony I saw your mama mama, that was just gibberish confession a couple of those last words weren’t real words, but that they are the art of form of it is that how insects talk that was Triple axis it was vomit drop, insect trap, how about a real rap, here in Arlington, boshen boshen boshen yo yo Arlington Yo Yo Gotti momma in this rain in the show I’m like a mailman do it in Weathers, you’re not ready, would you that you’re like a weird show like we don’t know anything for those of you and we’ve got a perfect storm of comfort and alienation we’re looking at here is there a Captain Picard they’ve all got this beautiful every single audience member of the Arlington Drafthouse gets a cat flushing Enterprise Bridge cam, any any one of you could tell us whether or not to engage in any point, then basket of fries like like, temperate literally has not chosen, Clayton Clayton close of 2000, audio humor for you, everyone is in a resident is in a state-of-the-art Ikea rolling office chair has a and a wonderful formica table full loaded with the appetizers and beverages of their choices and I just feel like we might be the only comedy show to ever be the headliner for a Twilight movie, was anyone here didn’t even have to come in watch a Twilight movie then leave and see who is here and watch Twilight and came back for us thank you thank you know Billy thank God for that, I’m not joking I’ve never seen it try like I don’t know what a trial and I Know It Twilight is I know it says the thing between light and night but is it is it vampires or chupacabras or werewolves or vampires, vampires and werewolves is there’s a few werewolves yeah but they’re like Native Americans, wait the werewolves are like Native American yeah they’re not true they’re not afflicted by lycanthropy their Native Americans who are more, they can shape-shift into these CG wolf creatures, KT no hiding place, I don’t know shut up, Arlington Drafthouse number one and accommodations for the talent coming through I will say that right we’re not going to offend anybody was saying that certainly not a job it is to kick your ass if you get out of line is is all so he’ll bring you chicken fingers and he’ll do both with equal facility I believe and with and with pride and his job he who your ass before the show by by I love the guy that name Jesse’s I get it let me know if I can anybody in the audience gets to Wild and wooly or to interactive you know like I’ll take care of it when I call your name at Jesse that mean it’s only every other day, he is not Beetlejuice we have if I say his name three times what is Jesse turned out to be the problem Mac special security smack so I go a black bag that says Security on it enough, yeah so first and accommodations of the talent I got a belly full of deep fried chicken fingers got to be some nine days this is our only show where we didn’t have a hotel we are our tour bus is like a block and a half away and we week we landed at 5 p.m. it’s now 10:00 or 6:30 p.m. and we just like got dressed in the bus and I’ve been wandering Columbia Pike wherever the fuck we are, and this is the least together you’re going to see us, the guy speaking the documentary where we’re at this time food restaurant and one of them said fine and I said are you going to be able to give me the name of a monster out of your own imagination, the wet the toothpaste the toothpaste you hear the gnashing and grinding of ivory against ivory, I’m going to fucking die I’m going to die, should I even go on at that point or weekend I’m going to die I’m going to die of happiness, you hear the fishing in Michigan, I wish I was pretty sure I love you the moment we met you at meltdown now when it’s it’s grown and grown by a very logical geometrical you know why do we call a direct correlation, that’s just that you up you only you only making it more exponential, do your edges, I start I start I start setting to Grant it’s very articulate very specific and precise if you say so, I do can we unveil my my my personal bridge to the chicken noodle Dick song I want to, I don’t know if Jeff approves of it yet but this is what I came up with, here I am I ain’t got to do. I got a chicken noodle can my life but you can do the chicken noodle Mountain big chicken noodle mad you got to work all day drinking with the magic spoon to the you going to get well soon as I got to the bowl bowl to the spoon spoon to the Matthew going to get well soon, we we need a musician to write us like we need to move truck, who built our nation’s railroads didn’t go to music College, they went by Instinct and God like God with through them under you and you break a man down to his fundamentals he becomes bethoven like I didn’t need to know that the bridge or the or the chorus I don’t fucking know it like put a put another fucking railroad hinge in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the real real real real pocket Spencer railroad monster, you hear the sound of far-off Pistons firing steam Rises to the east, you hear the horrendous grinding of teeth and then you see it half man half locomotive, all monster he’s fucking so good,56, what is the testing that he’s a National Treasure and he’s in there, children whose parents dropped him off at the bus picture of Spencer and his mom and dad they look like your mom was in my chemistry class my mom’s like 20 years older than you opening the door to your room you quickly turn off your computer screen, stretch, why are we up here and why are you back there this whole thing is it’s running back for me I have the cape, super power sitting in the front section which I I called The Forecastle of them are best for Castle is what it’s called., which planets are nation’s capital of Maryland, no it’s it’s her minions, off the port bow, you see a spout of rising water, I don’t know that’s all I got that time, it’s alright it’s alright, I’m pretty sure that was Moby Dick, her black ass no help there she blows queequeg cried let me tell you about how knots work, let me know how they work I just don’t have the time any of them I think they all work on the principle of making you know being aboard a ship read a book people, here with me monster, you see it stumbling towards you it looks at the sign standing in front of you, it falls into the pit that was clearly labeled, I’m going to fucking die of a goddamn pleasure attack on a stage here in Arlington I’m going to die of happiness, I have met we going to start we stop putting me on the spot just that this whole thing is that you and I are going to leave the stage like we’re going to leave and then I just going to leave and come out dressed like Dolly Parton that he’s going to sing a song by naked tap dance you can do anything and then the usurpation will be complete, early exit Arlington facts Jeff visibility to what while he’s drinking his responsibilities for a screenplay sit or is that a TV show Scrubs Wikipedia is the town that we’ve just dropped into so let’s hear what you got then did you know that early in Virginia is the rape state, so-called by senator Joseph McCarthy in 1910, who is Vin 6 years old and had been raped by his own mother, let me finish invented the typewriter, we will we will we are in a fascinating historical cheap state to leave the union and the 14th state to join the union thereby creating a Time Paradox and which if wanted self in 1920, which resulted in the development of copper wire and the telephone and the typewriter and marshmallow cream and license plates and the movie Jaws was shot here, and I didn’t I didn’t look anything up and then they lead the nation in internal flame technology so yeah there’s a lot of yes Cemetery Cemetery culture here is more advanced than than Ancient Maya and Azteca combined, the word Azteca was invented here by Carl Reiner, in 1940 Thomas Edison choked to death here on a hooker, and that’s where he got the idea for the flux capacitor, Virginia was originally a non Virginia but they felt the name was too braggy, so it changed it to Virginia who do you like better Virginia West Virginia or East Virginia the best the secret Virginia developed by NASA scientist that is in geosynchronous orbit with the other five Virginia’s, and watches down and all of you are from Virginia, what what question for you guys what is Virginia is it a county Estates to say okay, I’ve been everywhere I’m like an astronaut now I’m I’m walking in here with a Swagger, do you know where I am now we’re at 10 minutes from the white house looks screenshot my time Jeff, which are you push it, when is it going to be white, why do I have to take my shoes off every time I go to the airport stupid how many how many how many 911 have you stopped was shoes, which shoe absence for all we know that a hundred window it wasn’t for all we know none and we do know because they get excited about but but if somebody else blew up some heavy shit they wouldn’t call that 911 they probably Call It Whatever date that happened on they caught a 4:14 or something like that, 12 or 10:11, good night, what event happened in the spring, in September I just got that, I just got that, I thought it was like 911, every day since I was like in Middle School you’ve loved me, I looked at the clock is very young and I see 911 on a clock once or twice a day it’s constant I can wake up out of my sleep and pick up my phone look at it 911 now I see all the time now I do there’s a nice talk today I saw it today once that’s a phenomenon I read about it on the Internet it’s your brain of tribute significance to 911 of your brain works backwards way before 9/11 you remember seeing 911 a lot before 9/11 happen to know you’ve always wanted it got to the point where it used to scare me but now I see 911 I would get into a friend’s car and if I’d pop in and it would look at a digital clock in at 9:11 and I would see it it was like seeing the face of a friend so now I see I got a buddy and then when 9/11 happened then I’ll change is now it’s a whole different thing well moving on with her facts about Arlington, highest probability of anyone in the audience having lost a loved one during 9/11, yeah, and wherever at work we’re doing better about it, yo sensitive stuff marshmallow fluff invented in Summerville but here’s where you invented 9/11, it’s a little less appetizing a claim to fame but you did it congratulations Wisconsin what it was to choose, they’ve been to Dan Harmon as this dumbass s all right, hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, never misses a lot but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes are the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerves like a verb you’re always in good hands, adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms, do we have a representative of Arlington Virginia to anybody who feels they have something to believe in ghosts, is it is it is it has a big ghost state is anybody ever hear it at an encounter with a ghost or real one, holy shit nobody I think we just just proved ghosts, to get up and get on with your name sir Adams coming up, I’ll be with you in a second I like him I thought maybe cuz we’re on the East Coast like there’s a ghost in the east coast East Coast that’s how it got its name, Adam ghostwrite I was like eight or nine years old and I was in my parents bedroom like early on I like a Sunday morning that was no ghost Adam, it’s called an erection then it was hunting but natural, and all of a sudden I saw it like this dark sort of like shadow figure and I think like you just popped off and was like bouncing back and forth again sperm, oh my God I just had a realization oh my God what a break there’s no way I’m sorry bedroom on the bed together cuz that’s not weird it’s like eight or nine I slept with my mom a lot during my parents separation, hey Jared separate is he a dark figure into the room and my parents separated and and my mom moved to South Milwaukee we never pronounce the age there and she was living above her mom’s place my grandma and it’s you every night she would I would hear her like calling on the phone to my dad and coming, and it was like emotionally like put me in a bubble but I remember like I remember sleeping in my mom’s bed because I could have sworn my mom wanted me to I could have sworn it was not my choice I thought that like but I bet I was all fucked up to and but this is the most distinct emotional memory I have my dad came over to visit my mom they were separated and nnn my my dad came over and I was like I guess we’re going to go to the zoo taking that was my nickname and get back to that later my nickname is Chickie and then my mom said can I talk to you alone for a second to my dad and so that meant I had to leave so I left the room but I listen to the door because it’s like like what the fuck I guess they’re going to talk about me obviously they’re not going to talk about the stock market, really threw me under the bus like she she went and I got your license behind the door and I heard my mom do you know this is really fucking up your son you know he know he sleeps in bed with me every night you know that he know it’s traumatizing him and I remember thinking like you bitch you hit on me, you wanted it, I feel that way about my mom sometimes Dan for real yeah it’s like she’s constantly very really really like affectionate but almost to a point that it feels almost sexualize it for free or targeted I have one older brother we have different moms but I’m afraid his silent seduction where were a mother will pick one of the two or more male offspring and that one receives all of the love all the affection of all the craziness of the anger that’s absolutely true kinship dating relationship with this with this woman, yeah it’s it’s keeps me out sometimes that’s that’s why I don’t live near her anymore, a 12 or 13 and my mom coming up behind me and kind of like, give me like a shoulder rub and kind of a tenant and then me going like anything right like you, I think I think the reason I remember it is because I was like I decided okay no more affection like I don’t you know I’m a man now I don’t want my mom or did she see you going through puberty, I don’t know man. Damn it we need we need more open books on this stuff going to take our shoes off at the airport and start figuring out her mom’s brains why do they want to fuck I’m so bad with a lightning rod for all your mother’s like attention and when it comes to the craziness definitely like my parents got divorced like four years ago which you know I was surprised by like it usually doesn’t happen that much later in a person’s life like I was 21 when it happened and basically whenever you’re in a bar that it’s not your fault anything real for that matter I remember my dad trying to talk to me about our parents separation and be getting so embarrassed I was reading it like a Spider-Man comic in the front seat of her station wagon to my dad finally started to broach the subject, like that way too late way too late like everything was luggage was moved everything was topsy-turvy and I was reading a Spider-Man comic I had already figured out how to deal with it which was the shutdown and become autistic my network commit to an already prevalent autism, you know your mother and I are going through some changes when me and you know it’s not your fault or not, Jesus artificial to focus and how old are you in 11 or 9:11, disaffected emotional parent monster, trying to get her attention your mother looks over with a lazy glazed-over look she seems exhausted as if the weight of the world when I stand on her shoulders, you think that this might not be the best time to ask for ice cream, I’m going to fucking die, I sent out of your ghost the ghost comes into head popping about I couldn’t read at all that’s a thing you couldn’t breathe couldn’t move in your brain that paralyzes you when you’re asleep right so that you don’t weep you have a dream that you’re like a fucking a hot dog that you don’t get up and fucking hot dog and nnn show me the ironing board and you’ll get it you’ll hurt your family is supposed to be your body can’t move into your brain go to the state where it no matter how much flailing around you doing in your sleep you can’t you’re not actually moving but then there’s this weird thing that happens we’ve all had this experience everyone in this room where you you, wake up and you’re fully awake but that chemical is still paralyzed your body and you can’t move that you’re awake and you can’t move and I like like something you can’t breathe that hasn’t happened I’ve never had that for Alice’s yeah that has that your brain like knowing that there is a good the chemicals you’re brain-dead administers while you sleep to make you really just fall asleep in your eyelid shut and lock everything work and shut down your brain knows that so you’re kind of paralyzed during your dreams I’ve never had that my waking State sometimes a year that paralysis chemical is not working right which is sleepwalking, sound in the head popping back and forth and I kept wanting to say something like wake my parents you want to scream and I couldn’t and then I could explain disappeared did you then go, even though it’s too late I remember it like waking up I remember being in my bed when I was like 17 and I remember the full-on perfectly Vivid image of an absolute like corporeal woman like I wish in a black robe starting from the corner of my bedroom behind my bedroom door taking full stride over to my bed and like like like like covering they like getting in my face like he was doing it and then it kind of like disappeared in a cloud but I was wide awake and cold sweats and then as soon as I regain my faculties I went, 17 is so embarrassing what is it, real nice job, stop giving me shoulder rubs and get to the real deal like for real I guess my applies only cuz we can’t see you is there anybody who is believes in Alien Abduction like mythology like like like the idea that there aliens, what are the Flies, anybody want to come over and talk about it is there anybody willing to come up and talk about it a little bit you believe there’s no reason we can’t understand everybody, treasure alien monster is that a circular beam of light, floating down from the heavens is a green ghastly figure with a large oversized head, it’s a like an alien all right it was the message is simple if it’s happening to go to Hot Topic if you want this kind of crap I cater to a specific crowd go fuck yourself if you believe in aliens alien encounters abductions or I mean is it based on what do you base that belief on that would be rad, better be rad do that that’s why I believe in hunting parties, I was writing a screenplay when I was like 23 ish something of that it was a alien abduction comedy Ghostbusters and I I started researching it and it really freaked out because I I got frequent nosebleeds as a kid and I handled his you know they can we step in your head I thought that I I really thought aliens were, I mean that dummy people have instances where they have blacked out or something weird has happened in the next morning you wake up and there’s a physiological difference when you lost some hair or any or something aliens may have occurred is anyone in the audience think they’ve been abducted by an alien applied if you can if you can overcome your telepathic chip nobody need to send your mind is open to that possibility that you think that people are you want to believe that that people have been interacted with by aliens my mind is unencumbered but in that way, that’s real groovy Jackson’s, mine too and I wouldn’t rule it out I don’t know what my skeptical mind I don’t believe that ghosts come around and fuck with you and go buy an extra plate across the room however I had an apartment that is now our friend Rob schrab Department of Drivers how I Know Dan Harmon partners and I had to move out of an apartment in La Casey and it was a great apartment but I couldn’t afford is my roommate moved out and I was broke but the day that my friend and I moved in Halloween but it wouldn’t think about that and also the number that does the prefix for the phone number that the telephone company wanted to give us what 666 because I’m at – 665 but a that’s like six six four six six three that’s that neighborhood but they can’t get rid of the 666 is because people are Catholic and she let you know whatever so my roommate was Irish Catholic, call me to call another number but the permit was built in the fifties the first resident a LAPD homicide detective and then an old married couple and the husband died not in that apartment at a hospital rather and the wife moved to a one bedroom in the building is a great place and every time the two of us were out of the house out of the apartment something crazy happened we’ve got a brand new clock every time we left we come back the clock up we stopped at a certain time and all of the pictures in the wall will be off the wall but thrown across the hallway to the opposite side of broken, so this is where the painting was on the right side of the highway it would be thrown to the left side of the hallway and smashed and left to right and smash and things to be tipped over and broken so we thought somebody has our keys the and they’re coming in the wrecking our place so we asked Helene the Widow of the dead guy who lived there for 35 years does anybody else have these Keys yours no we just put new locks on I don’t even have the keys you in the landlord he’s an 80 year old guy like only you guys have the keys so usually one or the other of me and Paula be at the apartment at one time cuz we had very different schedules cuz I was an alcoholic and he was an animator so he was up early and I went out dancing and the two of us went to the market together we come home and everything was busted the pictures are all thrown around Foxwood stop and the bathtub with the matter everywhere, like if the drain spout stuff or not if it backed up that was just a random like splatter pattern of stuff all over the bathtub and we just that someone’s fucking with us like what’s going on that kind of goes away a little bit we going to an act with Ryan as an addict and it would go up into the attic and we look up and it’s 78° out always in the Attic it should be hotter cuz this is the heat rises I get up into the attic and I see some old Christmas decorations and stuff and instantly the temperature drops to like what feels like 55 degrees like outside the the draft house right now and it’s crazy chill comes over me I kind of get this weird feeling and I don’t think I just like to get a real reading on this and he, all right so time passes little bit I’m in my bedroom I had the bedroom with a husband slapped cuz they were an old married couple I think you find it off and they sleep in different rooms cuz my husband snores and farts in the woman wants to get a night’s sleep and I had his room and I was in those getting undressed I’m down to my boxers and I just have a feeling absolutely somebody’s behind me like somebody’s on the carpet behind me and I turn around you’re dead, you literally more I live here now so fucking stop it., and nothing ever happened again so I still need my roommate goes what the hell is going on I just exercised my bedroom as a fungi weird ever happens I never thought the place was haunted items I used it was just weird activity that kept behind me and planted with this knowledge I didn’t really care about it so I’m strapped moves in a year later when I move out and stories halfway done, oh no this is like page 2 of a bartender another drinks a straight that Vanessa has a girlfriend, what you think about the crime and what the heck is going on, weird ever happened there to you and I was like what you mean I’d still again, you slept in the bedroom I slept in right I sleep when I got this haunted I got so yeah totally, Iraq, I left the place and there was nobody in there I will come back and all the paintings were off the walls they’re all broken anytime I hung a picture of somebody’s face all the pictures are gone with smashed across the room and the last night like a chicken but last night was laying in bed and I heard my bedroom door open and I thought I heard somebody walking across the carpet in my room and I felt the weight of a person’s body getting onto my bed and I are you awake or are you sleeping I was on my stomach which is rare for me but I looked at the clock and it was 4:10 a.m. and I thought Dan and Jeff still here then watch a movie together like another not here he’s a person get on top of me and I thought I was in my room or rapist, certainly not until tonight and weight of a body on top of him and he heard a voice in this era going in the voice said what are you doing in my room and Robert jumped up across the room and nothing was there so I went with Rob to the department again I don’t know, Spider-Man, your dad., This is been a Halloween Halloween Arlington Arlington National Cemetery, Jesus Christ I think you’ve told that story before the podcast building is last with a camera on your head what do you want, but I mean that no actual not the passive aggressive sensing what do you really want, simple whatever that is you’re drinking let me know I don’t care if it’s a noun and adjective a sentence that phrase a thought of what do you want to go home tonight and tell your loved ones something happens and what would that be joy joy joy, am I going to be like 10 minutes late if I did cakes and pancakes in case he wants to join pancakes can we just real quick Jeff, so it’s a wrap be like iMovie like I look a quick movie and pancakes with me is Casey Casey of you now Casey’s out of here talk to everybody, the year is 1939 Hitler’s armies have crossed into Poland, World War II has begun, she reported for two t-shirt or a my pancake Soldier, sure I tried to get them as far as before done but I need to send a text with him front of your commanding officer, what gun was World War 1, Domino’s near future trick question that was Korea, DJ, DJ Stanford delicious I don’t know. I’ll send you the even though we’re not in the Navy, I’m just just, Shannon bream, I need more don’t know what place to shoot are duck Germans and both Wars don’t give a fuk, I speak a little English I am a German pancake my son I thought you would be tossing forgive me I am from the future, dissing just was needless destruction in Annihilation then separation between the people the lines are connected auchubon from another human being I always had that since, can I tell you a simple story, 11 years ago, before Rob schrab live in the supply of and I lived in an apartment with an Irish roommate, and it was Halloween and the phone company’s hours later, Susan I climb up into the attic and it look around I get the weirder the temperature to changes so I go back down, 12 years later, and the Cold War is Over, I’m beginning actually kind of in the middle of a cold war right now, Johann Sebastian, KC for short, I don’t have much time left on 93 I feel like I wasted about 24 years old story about a ghost it’s okay a recipe for pancakes that could have stopped both World War 1 and World War II I am a Timeless pancake Meister yes I was there at the Battle of Valley Forge, yes I was there, my name is George Washington a train across Missouri you need to get closer get clear I would give you a George Washington the recipe to my secret driven future pancakes however if I did that war would end but I cannot do that you see I’m here to cast a blight on Humanity you see what is a Perpetual state of humanity I don’t have time for this to hippopotamus bone, look forward to the spine of the yeah you are at Valley Forge, so anyway I dropped time I could I could have given Alexander the Great Napoleon pancakes and I withhold pancakes because war is a part is a part of who we are as breakfast of humanity is part of this nutritious breakfast and the milk is don’t worry about wore themselves with you should worry yourself most with, is aliens, current to Manhattan 2019 D not a dirty word anymore language is changing postage stamps or the new bottle caps, good morning corn is corn is a potato, you got you got new shoes and my shoes I mean sleeves, 2019 hello this is recognized opening, using you were having recognized you, General Casey reporting for Duty sir I have bad news for you, we thought that we had mastered War but we haven’t had turns out we are under attack by a pancake monster, slowly it rises Over the Horizon 127 full pancakes covered in butter, it opens its juicy mine leaks glistening syrup, any charges, yes pancakes of evolved, kissing you okay in here, it’s going to take your friend hey you you hear a gunshot credits, Baby Alive, movie credits, make up your own ending at the seventies like Omega Man with Charlton Heston good night, are the ghostery so long, I could have sworn you told that before I don’t know I told you before no politics goes to raise aliens race race we should we should we try to break a record because it shows with two black people do we have more than two tonight I got home I got it wait why is that white guy raising both his hands, Casey’s have a black person’s have a black person he was already up here, to do it again Mega black man much, yes, I went all black people live on the stage as possible if you’re a black person and you are selling out your race all right 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 and 1/2 and 1/2, and the Rihanna chorus the dino hook for the hell yeah the visual oh my God, go back in Hermantown is getting more and more sophisticated, where the hell is yellow, yo, what did they mean girl from, Blue Jackets, allowed to do a flying kite maneuver over the city I punch your mama cuz I love you to the milk come out in the milk with white but did that give it more, I don’t know whatever milk was black wouldn’t that give your white ass a heart attack would it be worth more or worth left what if your mama’s milk is purple Herman have to turn that frown upside down in the city and pick me up in the air and do it like Keith for Sutherland, he was a famous person that loved seeing me sorry sorry starting over your mama Mars rover, minions everybody’s going from Norman Lear straight to me the new representative of their voice another Choice you’re not allowed to get hired as a writer if you’re black so it’s come to me I’m like spider stance on the Peter Parker of the new generation I’m going to speak for the black people in the order of this they like carrots and lettuce and pissed, it goes like that don’t ask them you got to come through Migos rap battle rap battle, rather be sitting down having a chat about me right now I don’t know, during that time and temp complications melanin molecules little tiny pigs, ignition new phrase it means your kids will explode I thought your mama so hungry generated load to Steven all across your chest, turn that frown upside down, everyone is different. Everyone is different a picture, it’s really really stupid that we come up with different names in our culture and the capital on a sign up for all I’m so fucking sick and tired of all of these fucking assholes took my phone. I could like go home and my house is burned to the ground because I’m a criminal, let’s hear it for the nation capital dead people, Coronavirus, Arapahoe Indian to the stage please nope none left but that up already this show could have existed 300 years ago we could have we could have done something, let’s do a movie with everybody up here right now, I thought we were going to play Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon & Dragons with all black people tonight, there’s a new character, Grace Spencer right all right, I mean is that possible Spencer is it possible to have this many people just like spring on you for the for the DND I mean they could exist in the game World all right I don’t have character on stage in the background like, a group of people to stand up here like I’m waiting to find out if they’re involved metaphorical, well then you do it with it head-on all right go ahead go ahead, I say Jeff here’s what I say we break a pool cue in half and we put in the floor, no sorry that’s not that’s not that’s that’s the way we’ve been handling it all black people represent all black people in the whole nation and they can and they can play a character that will make up on the fly so did you say one character for all of them, what do you want us to do, I didn’t know this wasn’t my problem, I inherited this, I I think I’m being pretty heroic by providing them with one DND character, he can be super strong and won’t be a touch of Maniac or have a stutter he’ll be the dentist or the next door neighbor stuff, Kathy, yes yes, Phil, . When we last met, you guys coming yeah I’m I’m all good you guys, on the last episode Our Heroes had defeated Dave Airship pilot and gain control of the ship after tormenting some crew members the group had to find the engine room and Enlisted the help of slash through into a wall a couple of imps who are tasked with servicing the ship’s engines after finding some Sovereign glue the ship seemed prepared Sharpie decided that they should press onward an attempt to take the fight to Admiral Darkstar it was just then that a calamitous impact shook the entire ship before casting everything into darkness, all right you were all knocked unconscious, you wake up in the whole of the black ship or what’s left of it at any rate you can see that the whole has been ripped into two halves through the records you can see dual red walls slick with slime surrounding you you seem to be at the bottom of a pit as above use stretches in Black expanse go, all right I didn’t we meet like some people are going to walk us down the road yeah okay so like that I didn’t write because I thought we just do it right now but okay do you want to just look around and see if there’s any people that will help us down the road you see three white figure three white clothes figures approaching, this isn’t you you guys are Elsewhere for the quick appropriate 7 and 1/2 black figures approached, why can’t it just be a full eight black person he said he was half black I’m just making a joke okay., 7 black people at a black half like I brush, alright so right now you guys that you Casey, all right so you guys have been living in the belly of this great Beast for quite some time you’re quite used to it but you just saw this ship crash down to the floor it’s quite a new occurrence for you guys I mean stowaways and shipwrecks occasionally happen but it’s quite rare so that’s your motivation as you’re approaching this wreck in Jeff that your Crystal I’m sorry now your Crystal your healing pendant shatters into a billion piles of little crystals as this happens you feel some of the crystals dissolving healing you to full health small pile of crystals remaining yeah 40 hit points motherfuker can we get can we get our character sheets, and if I find out who a person that seems to be the leader and she has a red and blue feather pink and blue feather in her ear and I can you please help us, that if if we can help you we help ourselves we’re still we’re stuck here like I don’t know what you want us to do how long you been stuck here, I don’t know it only cost for calendars it’s felt like years so a long time is awesome, that’s all we do get ice, the wife is great I thought I had to handle this metaphor but it’s totally convoluted, well so you guys, you guys if you knew how to get out of here you do you would have gotten out of here huh, cutting off song of the the beats his mouth and making soup isn’t really enjoyable I’d rather you know some thing else where where do all the cheese wow wow I pick something else to look at, and II Roll versus blushing, you save where did you black figures are they figures, where where are you from, your mama, what was Spencer where are they from where are you guys from, you were okay they mentioned that they were actually the third generation of people born in this fish all my God the metaphors back, I like it, so you don’t know any different you’ve been born inside the belly of the Savage Beast this is your Ordinary World and you have an instinctive sense that is not a healthy place but it’s all you know, I examine our surroundings to look for exits or or portals across through to the what I’m going to call South for you know sake of directionality you see what appears to be a Dracula only reason to college, I got a drama map we know for my reference and they can’t eat like there’s no south of the fish but, but there’s down on a paper Okay Annie way you see a curtain it appears to be made out of some sort of flashing meat like substance a meat curtain I meet her at a wizard sleeve, a portable hole for the meat curtains, are you straight traveler no one has gone to that curtain has come back these last many siblings are you saying that, are you saying that once you go through this particular meat curtain you never go back, is that what I’m hearing, Heelys ever warning I press myself through the fleshy Souls with a meat curtain, you see what appears to be a snake-like appendage whip out of the curtain, is a dick inside a pussy, you got me, the tentacle whips at you but misses by a hair, come on in guys if it’s okay, sea serpent and I tend to comment down or maybe just make it straighter, the curtain opens three more tendrils reveal themselves whipping themselves, they also miss, you guys are actually armed with daggers and Spears sorry you guys Spencer it’s not his fault they’re going to be really useful as you’ll see later, I can’t do anything right, guys you’ve been here for three generations if we don’t go through this beat curtain together we’ve got no chance of getting out I say follow me with your Spears and daggers I said we said one of the black people in first is that called, you already went in for more arrows to, one of the arrows strikes the meat curtain it shutters violently, shattered, are we all are we all through the curtain right now no one’s even tried to go through it, cautious, I lead my Army of black people through the meter, failing to regard, combination of daggers and Spears brandishing their weapons dangerously you charge through the curtain the tentacles whip back and forth but you managed to subdue them and make it through mix reaction, what will be on the tentacles now you are beyond the tentacles what are we see you see a blue round tunnel it seems to get smaller and smaller, I can’t I tried to summon Scrolls it but there’s no squirrels inside the infinite fish I’ve already tried that and prop them up so as to keep the blue tunnel wide like sorry I need to stop listening to people who fears and just like stick them up right so the tunnel can’t close, we have heard strange Legend of an exit which is stimulated properly expand oh my God, I’m having way too much fun, yeah well, that sounds that what is your secret a wise woman to to stimulate the the tunnel, sent to make it expand, American Elders tend to be very wise once told me you have a sacred dance that can only be performed when you have a seven and a half seven and a half African dark-skinned it being, three pale skin people can only create this dance to arouse the exit so we are together to coax the opening to widen for us to pass through, the three of us have I have only danced in the shape of square can you show us how to do fine when things get hotter than a hoochie coochie, we may proceed, are you there I’m just comfortable, that’s what’s making me it’s about the whole, I do not want to see the TMZ headlines, I’ll leave the church, I think this will actually be embarrassed, open up open up giant Lake open up got to open up that it stopped again I’m going to fuck your mama like I was snuggled up against going to take my truck is not imaginary I’m going to fuck your mama like an Aviary bird to birds of a feather the feather going to fuck your mom like my name was Carl Weathers going to soccer tennis shoes bucket Home Alone going to fuck her name but my name is Phillip Drummond fuck her like a Different Strokes come on on fuck your mom I like my dick was a joke you’ve got a set up on my nuts going to punch your momma and tell him him, open sesame, the rhythmic pounding of feet and limbs in the flailing of your body’s seems to do nothing at first but then you feel the expanding and Contracting muscular action Jesus, the esophageal tube opens and widens revealing a larger and a chamber so we’re going down the throat into the into the belly of this one down in esophageal tube it may or may not be a throat, it opens into a large chamber you can see several wooden constructions built together they seem to have been made out of parts of old ships or perhaps other crates and boxes but they they help hold together quite nicely and there seems to be about sixteen or Seventeen of the dwellings, this is where you guys have have lived your parents you know they came I guess if I said 3rd Generation so your parents came on ships and they built these into a village so that’s where you guys live, wait till they’ve lived here yeah, have they been here before they were three generations a different path alone dangerous they could have told us how to get home, okay we should have it on a price just Wi-Fi, so now what we are at the home of these people this is your guys home why you love it, Wiki fengshui the organs now that’s someone else’s jokes are you guys inside of an esophageal to before, I love what you’ve done with the the throat, Stewart Living on the Wi-Fi so we try to make it cozy you really started from the scraps of equally appealing and a testament to the environment that is this infant of fish, it seems like like like you did not land on this infinite fish it seems like listen to finish my landing on you, but I respect what you’ve done I think we can learn from it like I I I put Mirena side over to the wall of the esophageal too but I say mo’reen I don’t know if you’re watching this but it seems there’s some sort of spark of connection between this leader and and Sharpie whom you’ve been in love with you but I warn you be careful I know about these oesophageal people, yeah I saw that too but I can’t move like she can move, I can shoot arrows and I can wave my hair and I can giggle you know I I’m going to concede, don’t tell him that I have your talent for Passive aggression seduces me, passive-aggressive, I heard the sound of someone needing more of them than then, middle of DnD I was just expressing that I take I take our new host at 2 to lunch after local Burger Shack well these to sort out the relationship from the tour bus today, yeah alright alright Samantha at the Village of people who have a weird habit of making people go through a tentacle esophagus in order to get where they already lived we can’t do much more than that we’ve done this for like a half hour you should probably cut it off there, let’s hear it for America’s black people, the capitol steps, I’m going to give them a name Jeff the capitol steps we got Casey, Casey Casey you are, Italian nice to meet you, sorry nice to meet you soon again, Vanessa Vanessa Leah, Philip Philip, Andrew Andrew thank you so much for coming up our salvation, there’s nothing left we have nothing left, we have nothing left yet, when we were near Boston and Somerville I had a camper come up with upstairs cuz I was a camp counselor I have another camper here, show off, Sam is going to bring her up but fine, change of pace, or something, I wanted I wanted to hear about your, you want to be here by Alex Fox in Somerville Massachusetts so we don’t have Aaron’s campers come up and we talked about 10 minutes and I meant that her mother came on stage and she got bananas, it got weird did I spend any uncomfortable wisdom to you while you were at the camp I mean Erin, sexual education like up until I was about like what 1415 I went to a really strict school private Catholic school so I didn’t know what sex was in the Aaron really was really eager to talk about it with just our that are 14 year old selves, no but did she ever make you pass through her flat curtains, no but you did show me my first penis so like, totally fine you’re normal, how to peanuts would be fine and even more educated women have is the New Black what we did tonight was like we’re not really breaking down barriers this is DC like we should be we should have had transgender people up here black people yawn, what is this Gilligan’s Island, issued, Big Iron but Alex Alex you were cancelled by Erin when you were younger and now it was canceled. They had today which I know nothing about maybe you could cancel them right now through this maybe you could you get the kind of mediate through this crisis take them I can walk him through it we were in Summerville and then after the show I was talking to some fans it was due to fans about glass blowing very interesting, bull in the news, is in Rhode Island that you guys have my glass blowing signing autographs for going the opportunity to do right of the TV show does like having decided okay this is where I need to be being a hero really, my girlfriend comes up to me and she says you know the Vans leaving I don’t know if you wanted to go or if you don’t want to go but the man’s leaving and he said I’m not sure I don’t know I don’t know what follows is a 25-minute conversation about when the Vans leaving when the man’s aren’t leaving but I know the whole time because I’m 40 I know the whole time that what she’s saying without saying it is she wants to leave she wants me to want to leave but she’s not saying I want you to want to leave she’s saying everything else and I’m agreeing with it because I don’t give a shit and I’m going like okay well you know if you want to take what you’re saying at face value if you want to, 25 minutes goes by by my drunk estimation and at one point she walks away goes then she comes back and because there is no van and there’s no law that says there is nothing I just because like what if there’s another van of the fan fan fan fan fan and schedule fan fan fan schedule again I don’t care I’m talking to guys in my class but I don’t care if she walks away and you love glassblowing I like my first question was do you just take a bunch of sand and heated up does it turn into glass the answer’s no Jeff, dancers no damn my van is leaving in a couple seconds soup, blown glass and so so so then what have the thing that really causes the fight or tops the champagne cork the beautiful frothy anger bottle that is our relationship the tour manager the guy whose job it is to tell you when it comes up to me and say hey dancer there’s a van leaving now there’s a van leaving in 15 minutes which one do you want to be on and I go I’ll take the one in 15 minutes okay to go over the bar and tell everybody and when I see him telling it to Aron III started I was drunk and I was an ass on I was going, jiggly my air and she said she’s like looking at me going what are you doing and she came over to me and I said I’m just saying it’s rude fuck you guys I lost 38 minutes of glass blowing talk I’ll try to make my reverse mellow starter, the 38-year Justin Timberlake arm read out has fucking a hundred of my minutes on it the front just because I spent all that time tighten up Vans is that a fucking I would have been I would have been up here tonight teaching motherfukers how to blow a bottle at a dirt, all I know is that is they were fighting Alex jump in meeting for fucksake what’s going on, guys talking to Dan about blowing glass super cool learned a lot from him I was also listening to that of about us and like lightning striking us and branches of retired sometimes having people have been left behind so I I was like I’m going to let you know that I’m going to go maybe he’ll want to go to 1111 Deer Lane in a little bit if you want to get on that van and you responded to me in a way that made me think that he was like that’s okay I’ll get on the van if you want me to get on the van like I had said hey do you want to be cool jet on the van and he responded to me like I had said it that way so it’s like I feel good and I walked away and because I can’t walk away from things I would like, that was rude and I walked back and I tried to explain it to him and he said he was very like snippy with me and then I walked back in with talking to more people and that was when the tour manager went over and told him about the 15 minutes but then afterwards he know he did this and then he yelled at me and then I went back to the hotel room and I was crying in the bathroom and he came in a shit, I don’t know I can’t see tears all I see is a close bathroom door I start with logic and I said I like what cuz I was sitting there crying I was like you know I’m I feel like I’m constantly that whole fight happened because I was worried he was going to get left behind because Mom is she was from earlier sometimes I’m dance mom a little bit I get his food together I take care of them as best I can, Alex Casey I just thought that guy earlier but I was going to ask elated and escalated from there and then Dan tour me a real good one and I was crying for a long time he left the hotel room he ran into Bobcat Goldthwait and they go to wait wait you come down and he said I’m sorry cuz you said a lot of mean things to me to seaward what which seaward, really cruel things to me and made me feel pretty were thought I did something wrong or at least realizing that you hurt her feelings in some capacity so I mean I think it was mostly miscommunication between the two of you you thought she was harassing you to get on this van but in reality she was just concerned about not leaving you behind the argument I don’t think Aaron would do that personally however you’re right so I don’t know so I’m just saying from an unbiased perspective however you know clearly her heart was in the right place if she’s saying that she thinks she was going to leave you behind and you admitted that you were wrong about something so, Stay Together, my vote is that was lovely, like I got to go I’m not I’m never going to leave her and if she leaves me I’ll kill myself, begin the problems when you realize that you can’t be without someone then you go like all right what the fuck are you doing why are you why do instead of thinking that I’m someone who could never go away think of me as someone who you want to take care of him because I’m never going to go away this perfect flower that you have to will you want to shine nourish this flower, sound counseling, let’s see if we can send this out by maybe we can heal these wounds via our new Anthem let’s try this one on, been a good night in Arlington, learn some things ohyeah, I told a pretty long story, everybody something wrong but I’m going to heal you with the tender song I’m so sorry to and spend all the black people I didn’t mean to do you bad I just want to know making happy not sad I just want to let go from town to town and say we’re pee is yellow man poop is brown, the nutria, GoNoodle, fuck your mom so hard that I swear I saw her and I’m sorry that she sings the glove fit, in the waiting process aside I got thrown off the rail I’m shy I’m going to start over again, but when your mama sucks dick, Baby Alive change Nick, Texas game that played the game shakers, it just works cuz you’re saying he’s dead, let’s fuk, empty Arlington Drafthouse in Virginia County, I’m glad your mom is so hot, play Sharknado Pokemon sweet, put it down, Max temperature, Pikachu, play ppap fuck your mama, I need to drive times, here it goes, let’s hear one more time, picture of Titan games, play Candy Candy World in the world, Frank is having an actual something finished, I’ll be here the rest of the night, good night thank you all, Danny okay if you bought anything else I guarantee if you’re black I’ll send it twice, if you’re half black I’ll send it 3 times that’s the weird thing, I don’t know what messages goes to get from that, I don’t know, I thought your mama threw the drinks tonight but your mama like a werewolf, cheerleader horn on her head, take a picture., apartments in Phenix City

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