Episode: 38 – Harmoncountry: Kansas City, KS

Episode

Episode: 38 – Harmoncountry: Kansas City, KS

Description

Kansas finds itself at the center of the biggest disaster since Dorothy’s twister when Mayor Harmon and Erin McGathy conduct the worst town meeting of the tour. This episode is unedited because I have no idea what I’d cut without cutting the entire thing.

Transcript

I got to do a lightning-fast it’s good that they didn’t they didn’t send anybody down in the VIP the tuba section
all right for podcast listeners we are in a room that for the sake of description at 8 to feel it it it it it it’s kind of expensive Beachwood thrust has been placed
in the middle of a driver’s ed class
there’s like an orchestra pit with VIP Boos that are are nerdy audience could not afford to sit in
well that means I should I should be
pictures of puppy out of the light right I’ll be in the dark
for the listeners at the club has a runaway I just moved down the threats it’s like a Runway looks like a Katy Perry concert live at we have a limited time here at the strip mall we got to Kansas City
and it so that means the rest of you like traveled who drove the farthest I heard Omaha Tulsa is Tulsa further than Omaha
all right also got gas beat
I realize that’s a tough spot that I put you in and I’m like like like who drove the furthest there’s like an unspoken Edge to that question like like like like who’s who lives with her mom the most but I I think thank you so much anybody that lives that came even 5 minutes even if you walked here even if even if you were forced to be here thank you for being here for you that dinosaur place is pretty badass. I forgot to get before I bring like I know a lot of people like probably smoke a lot of pain and go to the dinosaur place in and probably a lot of people try to take mushrooms to go to the dinosaur place but I kept wondering because they never do Coke are like like like at executive lunch in like cuz I like meat in the in the bathroom there and kind of like do a bump under a Stegosaurus Taylor
ocean
bulshit rapper. Cook ocean
oh by the way
City rap Kansas City rap
all about that but your mama’s house
half of it is it
if your mama is out to Jerry happy mom has been
happy about
half of it is in the state of Kansas half of your mama took down my pants and suck a dick licker nut fingered my nose put it in my butt so I had a booger in my but it was just it was gross sorry
sorry about that
yeah thank you
I don’t know if I’m supposed supposed to be distracted by this or not but I keep Imagining the show from the perspective of the people that work here you guys don’t seem like regular clients of this particular place and they don’t see it look like I keep wondering I keep putting myself in their shoes and going what is he what is what is a podcast what is this show what is going on it was the door that it’s a nationally televised podcast
funny Anansi levels not just National
but can I ask this question like 60 of you bought tickets online which I assume in 60 of you listen to the podcast how many of you buy applies are in that other category of people that wandered in here wondering what kind of, date of nerds and then there’s a there’s a Sesame Street brick wall with with Comics that are doing the next show and people from Kansas City but welcome welcome
is there anybody that that works in that local government here that can explain how the city split down the middle and a half of its in one state and have any other so what is there anybody that can fit that is kind of like a expert on how that works and why they like it wants to come up and explain that to me or we don’t you just hate it you just beleaguered by the Civil War that is happening in and and the city all right fine I don’t guess what I don’t care I pretended to care for a second and I don’t care that your city split down the middle between Tuesday I grew up thinking that there were two Kansas Cities that that’s why there was a Kansas City Missouri and Kansas City Kansas I thought that there was actually just to place is called Kansas City and I found out I think today is that okay
all right so there’s a lot of there’s a lot of tension between the two halves of the Cities
and what I’ve done is I’ve made the mistake of calling at 1 City I should call it to you guys are the separatists you’re the you’re the people who believe that the other Kansas City should should should should get up and walk away most of you drove from Omaha
everybody hates with her phone nobody ever everybody wants to be a hero everybody wants to just go away and given that kill themselves are like rescue the family or friends from a fire in the one no one no one wants to just be where they’re from and like nobody nobody out in the audience is waving a giant foam finger for anything I’m worried tonight that because I was looking at my story Circle for those of you who are familiar with that for the for the back row I’m I’m only famous for making it TV show that I got fired off of and then just barely who are there only three million people watch that so that a famous getting fired off of it and then during the time that I was making it this story Circle that I had developed years ago kind of came to light like that and I’m kind of obsessed with it like what makes a story and stuff and we’re doing the tour documentary about the show about me going on the road talking about nothing and not having an a
and and and I’m I’m kind of placing myself on the circle and the truth of the matter is that on my circle on my story Circle according to my arithmetic tonight is is represents a horrible death leg leg there tonight is a night of horrible like like something bad is going to happen so the beds are really happening yes thank you, I understand that it compared to what you what you do this is already dead like that you would have already gone okay I did a bad job I’m fired but podcasting is different it’s more like NPR it’s not you know you know you know so 20 minutes of silence goes by it might be it might be a captivating it maybe it’s not hilarious
more brightly than anywhere I’ve ever been in my entire life with scarf over there I like that also the cloud and the back I like that you can we do it without ya I got you cuz we can see that we can see the ghost of of of of impending doom hanging over a standing in the bag is shaking his head give me a thumbs down because we can see all the way we don’t like it and that’s no good either but anyways what was the title in Tarrant
you were talking about
yo yo yo
rapping rapping about that hold your breath good and go Six Feet Under the fuck your mama like I was wondering
Hickory Stick instead of my penis but your mama like it was a character from the 80s I thought your mama was like she was just another
but she wasn’t her ass was fine I fuck your mama down the county line I got Roscoe Coltrane going
all right
yeah
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film earth like a verb you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
Fred Fred Fred for the guys in the back of done with the show that’s not part of the show
we’re only doing that cuz we’re in Kansas City we heard you like barbecue in freestyle rapping
that’s so we’re just doing it to make you comfortable these these these guys are like what you doing why is he doing that he’s selling out the shop. Rapping about Venus
a couple Dukes of Hazzard references in there I apologize everyone’s 25 I didn’t mean to do that there was a movie maybe you can Google it
death
tonight is going to happen it’s going to happen you’re going to witness the transformation hopefully I think it’s going to come at the hands of Spencer because I was thinking about it but we should bring them out
Kansas City right now like party Jesus are at you’re letting it letting it Loose for Kansas City on stage Spencer is the podcast dungeon master sold you yet
told you yet
sound a little more marketable we have a dungeon master who played Dungeons & Dragons on the show
The Spencer I’m starting to think chords with my story Model he is the hero of the of the tour because unlike me he is actually going through changes aren’t you Spencer yeah I hit puberty a couple days ago
it was 51 fast yeah the but you have been wish to cross a threshold by a horrible wealthy fat guy and stuck in a tour bus of that that he rented so he could go out and masturbate on stage and you yourselves are experiencing new things and adapting and changing and I’m we’re almost done with the tour and I haven’t changed in a way so it occurred to me this morning that I must be the villain in Spencer must be the hero which means that Spencer Must Die
or that I must die and that must either happen in Dungeons & Dragons or it will happen like just in the show so Spencer like let me have it fucking lay waste to me what that’s not fun to me at the seams like tell me what tell me what my problem is tell me why I’m a piece of shit you want to know what your problem is you’re so generous that you bought me a Dave & Buster’s card
but it was only for that was that was the
okay so when you come into the ticket window do they go okay your seats in the room but do you want it to be in the front cuz that’ll cost $5 extra What would
and it would just do the do the do they do they offer it or that was just offered online and you just didn’t check the box that said I would like the luxury coach booth
all right cuz it’s such a waste of space like I wanted to have just one person in each of these booths looks look without me weird
okay I got a VIP there
you came to harmontown and you thought that your way
couples like you look like you came here by yourself no offense can I help you up when we don’t we don’t bring people to pick on him what’s your name sir my name is Kyle are you want you to one of the people that you not familiar with the podcast now I’m very familiar with all you all you are okay all right but I couldn’t get my wife to come after she listens
I should not have let her listen to it was Pittsburgh she might have said or like reproduce ticket
yo yo yo yo yo hey bro heard you don’t like my show your mama and here’s how it goes what’s your mom’s name I put your mama Pat her she started to hit Northeast letting her out what she was a pancake what’s your first Pap gave her man takes better
how to take apart cat so hard to turn it to a different race with Dad at the altered faltered
okay all right here comes the April Master we heard the guard Kyle showers April approaches with a steady foot and clever hand you were sure that May flowers are soon to follow Kyle why don’t you sit in the VIP Booth to the right
I assume you should keep it like clean and set up for that they don’t make them don’t but don’t make a mad like like don’t don’t don’t don’t get popcorn everywhere everything action for people who weren’t able to get their friends to come because they don’t like a yes yes exactly because everyone but them hates the thing from the back cuz I know it’ll be okay what’s your name sir Tim, come on up
this is Tim song
your what Your are you okay coming up and talking to us okay come on up to your from Kansas City or I moved here in May so I got a job here but where were you before that I was in college okay so you would know where where did where did where were you going to college at the University of Missouri and Columbia
understand why you didn’t say anything
you’ll live it seems like it from Missouri I’ll buy it but you would know that I didn’t mean it like I would just be wandering into this like conflict you’re having at it from my perspective as the wandering hero it’s a Lilliputian conflict that doesn’t I don’t know what it means just like you like it I wish I wish I had something like that with the Kansas City Missouri to the kansas-missouri if you do start at the Civil War which is the favorite of harmontown you want to take the VIP Booth to the left to play and please keep it clean
don’t
so I got Tim and Kyle right all right
as we all must feel nice as I can. How much more would you pay for this booth
okay can’t put a price on it well you didn’t even buy the fucking Booth you guys were offered it you need shipped out but you’re getting a taste because you came here alone if we put a whole family in these boots
that would be stealing money from the venue but because you’re alone you won’t be able to share it with anybody so it’s like it didn’t happen
where’s that is already but there are four boots but it seemed like the only seat that we can tie her to put one person and then we have to leave lives then that’s the show like we only have a certain amount of time up here kind of like Statler and Waldorf
alright alright so we got some buddies up here they’re VIPs and couldn’t see VIPs of the show that’s good to see all right who who is in the most pain tonight like like like that most devastating maybe not physical maybe emotional my parents that I share your pain
oh you just quit smoking I quit smoking 8 years ago I used to smoke two packs a day do do you want me to hypnotize you
okay but let’s let’s can we find some Cosmic music are now we can we don’t have any dually
do it reserved is there is there a woman in the audience who who thinks she can pull off a reasonable and you
a reasonable copyright free
this is exactly how I dressed on prom night but I wasn’t going anywhere
your Jeff Davis is understanding what you doing you look like Jon Cryer in hiding out
all right okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it’s a little little little little little Broderick all all Jeff Davis and your name was I forgot already
yeah Ian okay where you hoping the smoke will come out in
alright we’re going to do and we’re going to take you now you just you just you just sit right there and just I just let you just get it you’re never going to smoke again after this okay all right okay I need I need if it if there’s anyone I’m not going to hold my breath but if anyone controlling the house lights we need to bring them down a little bit okay I didn’t realize last weekend and Brian okay start start and yeah but in the copyright freeway
who can save me lyrics to Me lyrics
dude like tones
I said something because he’s he’s dressed like Jeff Davis and he’s he’s just like his understudy can we just switch places I can be the eyes volunteered and said he can come tomorrow all right
that’s good Aaron thank you that’s smart thinking that’s good, trolling that realizing that he of course Jon Cryer should be comfortably and you should be the woman
well that sounds sexist of course I take it easy for a second Erin you start taking us on a cosmic Journey everyone else lower the house lights in your mind
and we’re going to help.
We had we had some go out and this is to help god dammit Ryan was it what was your name can alright I’ve met a lot of people
you know what that they wouldn’t they wouldn’t ride my ass like this in Missouri
so
so just be careful cuz you might wake up with a different and different label on you you know they could switch the sides of the city like that overnight all right
Ian
Ian
you are losing control of your body
not in a creepy way just drifting your Consciousness is drifting out of your corporeal frame
you are rising again into the reaches of space
and there’s a giant cigarette in front of you
you reach for it
scorpions run out of it
shut up your hand no sound effects I don’t know you don’t have to be sorry just don’t do it again and try to relax your arm

the largest of them the mother
crawled over your ear at which point the babies on her underbelly all 8 million of them go into your inner ear canal
and lay eggs in your brain
that’s right baby scorpions lay eggs only in a smoker’s brain now they’re hatching in your brain is all scorpions you return to Earth craving nicotine bent on a murderous spree you sting your family you stink your friends you sting everyone it’s a metaphor for second-hand smoke
but now it now now you come to a giant apple pie
can you climb inside it and you eat the whole thing because you quit smoking and every time you quit smoking
do you get a giant apple pie
Ryan didn’t know he had sorry sorry sorry
there’s a monster truck coming up the street to the apple pie
close up outside the apple pie
Hulk Hogan gets out
he gives you one of his patented Hulk Hogan hand hand gestures
you could tell if you can tell you’re cool with him now he doesn’t smoke either did he die did Hulk Hogan die it’s cool if he has a ghost can you take Hulk Hogan by the hand and you go into a field again
and you play Frisbee
he takes you to a water fountain
drink cool fresh refreshing water with Hulk Hogan
and then you notice that you’re drinking and he’s touching you
I don’t care if you look around and you see from a nearby calendar sculpture that is to your 2080 and homosexuality is not taboo anymore
it’s a hologram. She has designed so that way you can look at it from any angle so it’s not coincidence that you see it it’s not bad story writing at my part it’s it’s it’s it’s just it’s just how it works you are in the year 2018 in Hulk Hogan is rubbing your crashes you drink cool water your belly full of apple pie and you have an orgasm
do you want a cigarette in
all right well pretend he’s up now
you want one but you know that baby scorpions are going to lay eggs in your brain
alright I’m glad I could help you in Spencer how we doing on time to wait to play Dungeons & Dragons ocean I’m sorry I said I should be asking Ryan 6:34 or so before yeah yeah yeah but we haven’t been up here for very long
usually usually time goes so much faster I don’t know why I said
if you if you can have anything or I mean what are you what do you want what is your dream my dream actually want to I want to do stand-up comedy and I want to do I want to be a writer for TV actually do you have a do you have a strong two minutes to an audience of Kansas City Comics
here I’ll do it I’ll do you the favor I’ll do I’ll give you a I’ll give you a horrible opener so that the bar is lowered for you
ladies and gentlemen welcome to Nickel the backers
will be here next week the star of sheeps sheeps to happen and punch you
you don’t have to do that it’s not it’s not we’re not proud of our policies here ma’am at nickel backers at you Ryan it’s just a different guy
you ever notice a Chinese people are inferior why do they eat me why don’t you come on now who’s there
I’m spraying it on the audience I’d like to settle it down for a minute and tell you about my wife Veronica she’s struggling with breast cancer and there’s a table of t-shirts in the back is really like you to buy them know thank you very much I’ve received a note that all your car’s been stolen and and and then wherever they are there’s people sleeping in them but the people sleeping in the bed with little tiny spikes filled with poison so let him be and and then you’ll be okay and you just need a new car and all your lives are ruined all right we’re going to bring a new guy he’s going to do two strong minutes
end up because he’s a he’s a well-respected stand-up comic he’s performed at clubs and colleges all over the thing about please welcome Ryan Sullivan
hey guys thanks for coming out here with great all I can think is how much better Ryan Gosling would have been and every time I kiss my wife all I can think is how much better Ryan Gosling would have been
I want to say that people usually ask me and by people I mean my wife do you mean you can’t help but think of how much better I got some would have been kissing you or how much better Ryan Gosling would have been at kissing your wife and the answer is either
in an Ideal World my wife and I would never kiss each other we’re just be to Ryan Gosling
sharing a tender Embrace I don’t have you guys are done something horrible like just so bad you just never wanted to tell anybody no good you’re perfect thank you for the rest of you need to do something like terrible you just don’t want to even bring up again like but you’re messing around with some friends in the woods and you push one and if he falls and breaks his nose and if so much blood that you should run away
but it didn’t happen in college a bunch of girls run to your dorm room and I still want you to stuff so to get him back you take one of the flashlights that you’re buying from one of them and you just take a shit in it and then you give it to her
LOL I got a couple years later you still heading to merrier
yeah that did happen that could happen is going on a mission trip with a church when I was in high school and we were going to help in West Virginia and that three months prior a woman had tragically lost her son very own son in a car accident and he he he eats before it happened he thought he saw a bunny in the yard and there’s and his mom never saw it and after the horrible event she got this package in the Statue of a bunny and it wasn’t until he was from like where did this come from and why we on the trip after a particular Friday night at a pizza place we are riding back to where we’re staying and bus stop by and it turns out there was a bunny in the middle of the road and wouldn’t move I couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t move the most people on the bus
understood the significance of this funny and this poor woman who went through something that no parent should ever have to go through most most people on the bus realized the significance everybody knew what was going on some people just want to go back to where we’re staying
some people are just all hopped up on root beer and pizza didn’t really know what was going on why a bunny was stopping us some people said to chat maybe one person to chat my life just yell
do you think she heard me so thank you very much
don’t forget I’m rapist could be worse
Brian Solomon
Kathy Ryan
who’s going to stop the music then I realized my biggest flaw take my fucking head off man I can’t man you’re like my hero my shoot the other end tied bro
is that just the drunk lady in the back of head
you want to talk to you at all that saddle that is my biggest flaw somebody tap me off it’s it’s it’s good Mass hysteria here I need more ice first but that’s fine all right
death is the theme of Tonight Show in Kansas City
Ryan
Ryan Gosling joke
I got an still seem like you guys were really ready to at not like anything Ryan says no that’s not true they were bigger bigger show me under the bus and taglines and then he had that big one conceptual thing with the rabbit and a lost I said Ryan I’m I’m I’m I’m standing up here fucking crucified I’m going to get there like I’m not I am not I’m not jaded to don’t do not let that hurt your feelings at all I was very brave or really great
it was weird that you attacked Ryan for for for for for his jokes Aaron I meant I misunderstood the audience I’m sorry it seems like Sky’s I was on the playground whenever people would stick up for me that’s always when I would start to cry cuz I know you’re my audience so I know some of you know what it’s like to get picked on on the playground bully me to give you a face washes in the snow with swirlies in the toilet and Melvin’s in the in the new Honda you know I just punch you in a few white why don’t you shower why do you drop your pants all the way to the floor when you take a peek at the urinal like with why are those skid marks in your underwear when you do that why do you what do you eat paste what do you think a glue bottle is a rocket why is your why is your hair full of full of full of dandruff in Greece in an instant pot
credit where it would come up like in the midst of it it was somebody was like picking on me cuz that would just make me gird my loins I would just go like okay this is the way life is I’m going to I’m going to put the shields up I’m going to be a porcupine lake lake like this pain I’ll get numb to it and then some well-meaning fucker would come up and go like they leave them alone man just because he’s all fucked up and
normal person took for you to like him okay he’s maybe he’s special maybe has baby he’s so fucked up at something really weird about him is good you don’t know maybe some really specific situation will happen like like like a flood of chemicals that only freaks can breathe in it maybe maybe maybe bat creatures will attack that have I have I have a weird shaped face that that that there’s like a vulnerable to fucking gross stinky nerds and then he’ll be sticking up for me and the guy don’t want to start crying and then the bully that there the nerd protector would go like you know come on now he’s crying or a bad person don’t pick on people you shouldn’t pick on people that are gross stinky shity nerds well Ryan just so you know that’s not what I was doing it now it’s kind of what dance doing cuz he qualified at that way I don’t know
you and you you and I are fucking square I was just kidding I didn’t think you were doing anything wrong I did Jesus Christ have we learned one thing in Kansas City if not that we all must go through a valley of darkness beef beef beef beef Brian Heil Ryan like banana like GI Joe like if you were if you had a flamethrower on your back your name was barbecuing and I don’t like like if you had skis your name wasn’t Christmas.
GI Joe had really clear names you never had to tell men from James or just looked at their hat and that’s what they were if they were fat the name is Raymond Burr Perry Mason fuck you drive the casing fuck you keep thinking about April and Pat I fucked April and then I talked to Pat Pat and made April watch you listening April
back in April you unsupportive wife
April
listen to me April
I do this shit for free April knowing charges for it your husband came down here and you thought he was going to have a bad time he’s sitting in the fucking VIP booth
looking at tabletop that is that’s where Tim Allen sits when he comes down
like you know that if you ran your finger on the other side of that table and rub your gums you what you you could go in for dental surgery for half price in the VIP Booth April you drove him away if he comes home tonight you’re lucky
and it’s because he’s a harmontown listener that he’ll stay faithful to you April
because that is a nerd and he knows what it’s like to be like me and Ryan be unappreciated and so he’s going to he’s going to have a moment of compassion as as all these fellow harmontown fans there’s a lot of good-looking chicks out here in the audience tonight and they’re going to be all over is it cuz it kind of like an okay
a few people before the show who were either care where their Partners or had, without them who it says like what do you where do you stand on that like you and I kind of like the same things I would absolutely very supportive thing to say go ahead go to the show but I’m not going to go because I just not my cup of tea I think you’re fine April your mom also I think it’s fine
Alexis let’s call her who she is Pat I think I think she’s amazing
who is falling in love over harmontown
has anybody like anybody all right so let’s get back to April’s mom Pat so where is Pat from
probably Missouri
Central Missouri right in the middle of fucking the Death Star that piece of shit state
show me more like don’t show me I don’t want to see it keep that fridge door closed Missouri how weird that your state is a barely mispronounced misery
what a coincidence you sons of bitches fucking
all right
well my name is John Missouri
I went to my house and never hold for supper because I eat dogs and dirt and cigarettes and I wear peanut butter for a hat, big dumb fucking asshole my wife name is Pat um Kyles father hold on I’m sorry I lost my place sorry I deep. Deep down I do the dab do here we go second verse on Kyle’s father my wife’s name is Pat I gave birth to a child that could affect stop at that I have ever done anything good I live in a pile of leaves
I’m a big pizza pocket
I know right to have half of Kansas City
just leave your garbage on the lawn
I got
and half a hand I got
on the TiVo cuz I like his style but I have a big piece of fucking mother fucking shit from Missouri
I hate Missouri another piece of shit sorry I got
alright we get we can do anything together now I’m so curious to hear from somebody who is are you from Missouri sir OK Google, Missouri are you willing to come up
oh thank you thank you is that I know Amanda’s one of the servers where is that you oh okay cuz you have face blindness and you changed your hair or do it before Amanda and the other service don’t forget to tip them sometimes Believe It or Not people forget to do that
it also seems weird that people would forget that you always hear people say don’t forget so they must forget occasionally and basing it on that alone hello sir what’s your name Darren Darren the human being from Missouri is a human being how dare you
the song that you sang
self-loathing is his his his his pulse Beats at it Darren Darren I think it’s cuz we have a better baseball team
pick on Kansas Missouri they’re on the other side of the river of river of paint is an industrial thing
did you tell me what is the weather it’s a geological a chigger have ugly at the river that separates the two parts of the what the hell happened what what is going on I have no idea why I failed geography and all that stuff here tonight we should just stick with you
all right somebody’s calling out something it supports related
thank you for coming
fix this complex I want to know I want to know from Darren what his what his what is what what is your can you tell us like a wish that you have a big ambition or anything like that
I wanted to hear it a second season of The Werewolf teenager show a person with Missouri and Kansas getting along at which all of us want to do that are you listening April
I really have done so
has a dream Libby Huey over there has a dream
I think she wants to be a musician we we’ve been dating for five years and I literally no no we’re going to organize create a movie for him and I want you to play Libby Huey in in the Darren and Libby story about about two star-crossed lovers from different sides of Kansas City to play Darren
a tale of two sides of the same city
what’s that sound from outside my shity Missouri apartment
I’m going to go out check it out almost fell in the river that’s right outside my door
I’m sorry I’m just tearing I was just in my apartment just wanting nothing and I couldn’t help but overhear this this sound what is what’s going on I’m playing the guitar musician I want to be
I’d love to hear some more but this damn River lies between us
would you would you meet me at the bridge who were there’s that that that that dinosaur Cafe

in Kansas City what if we met right in the middle of the bridge you know where neither of us were in either part of the city family will kill me and cut out my brain
okay 3 hours later
I’m not sure how this works but here we are in the middle of the bridge
hey I never touched the Kansas City girl’s face
I’m in a Kansas girl space I always have Kansas City we’re both for Kansas City and turn into an army of Nazis or destroy the planet
can I touch you yes I can says
should I feel you yes I should
you when you smile
when you lie
Missouri Kansas Kansas please stop interbreeding with that inferior Missouri woman and get back to your home or are you confused because I explain later but just sitting over that you guys are forbidden to do what you’re doing if we have to go to Omaha
go to the store it’ll take us straight there everything is mutual
Skyrim, can I set myself up there tonight
hey I should let you know now I have 5 years in me what does that mean I read it on a plate
when I was 15 years old that said that I would meet a man from the other side of the river we would start dating and then we would stop after 5 years and we would go to a comedy show and then one of us would the others face it 5 years from now
a lot of plate yes five five years from now your face
really but what if I hate your face
what is your face
put your blood
play
you
were you going to say me I was going to say milk your fucking weird I can’t do this relationship anymore
Engine intermingling with Kansas and Missouri people are coming in with her special futuristic
lasered settings
I’m out of here
twenty years later in Kansas City maximum-security future prison
Libby I’ve got good news you’re up for parole gave birth
I know this is Sarah’s here
sorry I have
no I didn’t get birth because I’ve been without my lunch you left this whole time but thanks for rubbing it in for you you know that in the time you’ve been incarcerated the laws have changed the river has dried up there’s no more
there’s no more River all the cities are united now East and West New Hampshire St Louis and Minneapolis or the same thing now it’s comes to steal your geography tinea thank you for letting me know I say go out there and go to that man that that betrayed you and left you
cuz it seems like an ending maybe not a good one but
you never close your eyes when I crawl through weeds and jump over fences
Jared
no one’s behind or in front of anyone anymore if those two River done
I’ve been behind you the whole time I went to prison to I was your parole officer
that’s fucked up why didn’t you say something I didn’t want you to get mad at me for taking a job at the place where you were in prison and I always knew that you loved me as someone who didn’t want to do anything I got you this guitar it’s made of shoes and
corn
I just want to have a happy ending
are the
Erin mcgathy what a great movie
you guys understand right you get it there was your lyrics There was a deleted scene in that movie where Kyle’s wife’s April’s mother’s Pat
look like a million Dick’s interface you hear that April
your mother your mother had to be cut out of the movie
cuz it was too dirty when she was in it
bird-x already order the club was giving us the light and I automatically assumed it was like a camcorder I was like 10.
all right when we last met are here at this are you okay yeah you don’t give me any time to set up beforehand you just randomly Q me and start the music will you could have said something to fight you and I are fighting you want to fight right now I don’t think we should play Dungeons & Dragons
I’m sorry Spencer now we’ve made up and we’ve been toned they are my sense of story structure is appeased journeying in the belly of the Beast that I don’t I don’t I don’t think that’s at the Crittenden I you know Spencer and I’ve been doing Merch this whole time and Spencer has been very thoughtful and very kind and very attentive
remain attentive I just mean he’s sensitive to the way I feel and he really sees me he really seems like your crotch and stuff
no not yet I mean I did
this is crazy
the saying he’s he’s he’s he’s very kind then and sensitive and you know you’ve been a bit of a bully and I think that that may be over the course of this trip Spencer and I Have Become
well that’s fine we only have like 6 minutes
JK right here go I don’t even know you guys are in a fish
dealer character you rejoined in entered a large cavity after fighting a mucousy spider slime and several spindly limb lightning creatures you defeated them you were left in Omaha
that’s where you guys are all right do you want characters right now or should we just go like we just go
what’s up what sound what what what did you say
oh yeah Pat yeah enter enter
oh yeah well I mean honestly now we have two minutes left that’s all right just go smoke a cigarette you’re killing us
don’t really I don’t even fucking think about it you could so easy don’t worry about it
all right if you recall you killed those things you’re now in a long and you start at IU you set some smoke to make a cough remember all right so now we’re like what we’re like almost out of those Fisher spasming we wait as the lung spasms and spasm so violently it threatens to shake apart and you get the Sensation that if you would only breach its membrane it could be torn asunder very quickly
I agree
there’s a very pretty drunk girl sitting next to be great we breach the membrane whatever you said that we get the sense we could do okay well I need you have a sore you don’t have a sore do you have a knife itel itel a cork to do it with his fire sword all right I got this sword let me just slice through he pulls out his sword and making a couple slices across the belly of the membrane that you guys are currently in it flashes open and then smoke pours out you feel the entire creature you’re surrounded by give a violent shutter as if it was hurt or wounded and then you feel yourself drop in the sky as if the entire thing it fell down a couple hundred yards before we gaining traction oh shit you’re definitely done something but it’s not dead yet okay well probably
weather
we don’t want to die with that planet to Earth and explode with us in it you know what meaning of final violent shutter in the entire longer inside of it falls apart and you fall down about 50 ft do you land on a pillow we could send back in the room you were in before I do nice convenient video game yeah alright thanks you can see you’re in a green room there’s three holes one of them you just came through the other two you haven’t been through back behind you is a small purple door that leads back towards the village
absolutely
where to take an acid before I have I’ve taken acid mushrooms and I haven’t heroin or vodka but somewhat of a fan gave us at the show and we should go take it now and in the tour bus and the and finish this evening
you guys have been great thank you for coming to the shop at 7:10 we’re going to be off the stage in 5 minutes so I don’t know we should we should do it listen to wrap up the Dungeons & Dragons you’re going to go some way I roll over I roll over on top of Sharpie wonderful
sometimes Dungeons & Dragons doesn’t last that long
so it’s over this this show is probably a pivotal pivotal sectionals
isn’t that your cheerleading Troopers are you just cheering for a team of yours or she doesn’t know this is an important Moment In Your Story Circle
the death perhaps
and take it easy just don’t smoke
Libby keep loving your gross Missouri man
and you’re gross misery man drunk lady keep drinking
I’ve seen a beautiful city
its name was Kansas City
is soft and creamy as it’s ready for me
Benny Hinn misogyny town
I’m sorry I was if I sucked but really who gives a fuck
the new day
in a shot
poop is brown I fucked your mama I fucked your good I fucked your mama and she turned to what I shaped her into a tree and their leaves touch the sky
I talked to her I
and she went blind
and when she couldn’t see
I told her about color
on what I told her made her sick twice no more race I fucked your mom fixed your brain I fucked your mama in the rain
I thought your mama down the street I thought your mama with my podcast meet
reflection of who you are
car you get a car
everybody that I looked under the seat and find gum gets a car
how to make sure the cover will be gone will be on the front line
show me Break of Dawn if you bought stuff outside it
that’s the way you go don’t go down those stairs cuz that’s the next audience for the next show they’ll beat you up I think we already know that my audience is
what has more money for these boots in the front
and April Europe countries
I just want to
they use that word okay thank you for coming
talk to your mama and I’ll see you later
but your mama like an alligator go out the back and keep your weight staffa but your mama’s so hard she was a giraffe I made her neck so long she couldn’t handle it a bunch of mama like a candle. Lit lit in the back saying get off the stage and given us a heart attack. Got to clean up the tables got to get the shit out got to go got to fuck your mouth
everybody Ryan forgetting his pants Tim Tim Tim
Kim yeah Ian for quitting smoking
turn on harmontown you got to settle your bills you got to eat all your hot wings I hope you got your pills, so hard she championed I gave her UTI gender up fuck your mama so hard she turned into a labrador pup Chaser change your fur change your face changed her species changed her race in back thank you thank you so much
Capuchin

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