Episode: 97 – Long Brown Blood

Episode

Episode: 97 – Long Brown Blood

Description

Preparing for its first month hiatus, Harmontown goes for a big blow out that tackles the usual; racism, censorship, health, mortality etc. Spencer returns for D&D to promote Friendship & Cigarettes.

Transcript

Butcher of Hollywood California harmontown is now in session
while we’re at it what’s going on this date in the mayor of the town jail
thank you nothing really to talk about tonight very busy very sleepy version of the several months ago will it it it is Thursday
get a couple more GI Joes to draw
wish you an animated episode of community that is supposed to be like in a properly functioning I don’t know Studio Network driven Universe when was it supposed to be in I don’t I don’t I don’t months ago said that her dad I’m trying to involve these people in it and in the end the crisis that is your life right now and I don’t know I’m not staying the night
8
the it’s all my fault cuz I you know I took too long to write the script and I know it’s tough but so shrubs kind of doing his tribe thing and
you guys being an asshole
16 stuff on Twitter and playing like I should be there instead of being here you know if I went out to go do wedding plans with Aaron and then Rob was queening like like you know hope you having fun while I’m over here and I’m eating this stuff and I might have in my mail do you want me to run over there is it will it will it then play on the on the fritz on their speakers are better let’s see if I have to do is record the vocals of the for the GI Joe theme we had Jonathan Kimmel who is Jimmy’s brother who actually we use him for some vocal stuff on the Sarah Silverman show back in the day and he’s a great singer and he’s particularly good at this GI Joe register for that for that for that one that leaves.
that’s so close that you guys are in Jeopardy of copyright infringement of our universe with their permission as Hasbro’s been very yeah we’re at we’re Cottage GI Joe and then
are sharks play The Beatles this is this is this is Lee being leaked it’s like the Chevy voicemails Isley it’s a leak I don’t know who’s doing this.
DMZ get your get your camera so they can you do when we’re taking this do these alternate lyrics for so I can bring them back to the office to a shrub that you turned into a nice working around the clock
he tweet some bullshit whenever he’s busy all of humanity cleaning things all day you’ll never be nice eating his own poop
tribe tribe assholes it’s the code name for America’s biggest dumbest poof eating asshole his purpose to tweet mean things that Dan Harmon a TV writer determined to entertain nice people I also suspect he hits his wife he makes you feel bad when you write a script and Rob is an asshole
xxxx
it’s a good song it’s it’s accurate every day it is
very very close to a deadline and then he’s like oh I hate you I hate you for you know not turning the script on time or whatever makes him feel better get going you know what you know what it’s not healthy for me is a satisfied confidence Rob that that that’s that’s that feels sorry for me or his loyal to me that’s dangerous for him running around out there I don’t know why is that I don’t know he’s a devious guy
now remember when Sarah fired me is that I was always a little of that underneath everything I was supposed was the state of the union leaders were really actually not talking to each other like we’re actually mad following the in the wake of the Sarah thing like I actually spent the year like kind of not liking him and stuff for real but then we made up when my cash Guide Channel 101. We were at a memorial service for a guy who’s to the end of his life doing Channel 101 and it just felt like we’re both in there and it just felt nagash to continue to not like each other
kind of made up there
will you put in your bio pic
that you wrote that song today
all right I don’t have anything to give me a pop culture news
I smell Bieber and there’s a hashtag you can use hashtags to cancel TV shows that the firm for being racist you can you can pick which do you think is racist and you can hashtag cancel and the name of the show and then and then voila racism will go away, he will become incredibly sophisticated the whole for really smart material to to figure out me to their heads like we as a nation here, for instance hashtag on your mind well I would like I would like to submit hashtag cancel Teen Wolf I think Teen Wolf traces
Mondays at 10:30
aren’t you racist, it’s racist as the day is long
I am so pleased why why is Brian Davis not the creator of Teen Wolf people still are convinced that I created the goddamn show but I have never seen nor would under any fucking circumstance every time I tell him that more I get more followers and for some reason in Portuguese please again about how I’d I didn’t create it but I start doing t n a r t n a
I got to get advice off my people think that I am Jeff Davis creator of Criminal Minds and Teen Wolf and I just keep saying what a racist I haven’t
that’s my secret agenda Teen Wolf Teen Wolf is the only show that gets higher ratings in Rick and Morty in our time slot is the modern TV shows music and stuff like that it makes me very happy good show it’s really
like she tracked my friendship with you and knowing Justin and knowing everybody involved with it I think I would like that show on a vacuum just as much as I like she’s around that I can watch those never did it like the animated show that this is talking goody I never really watched you drive my truck. I heard it was really good I should go back to the trip is going to be huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through the New Black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so there’s always a little teeny the flight that is embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
okay so I want to say I wanted to bring out some special friends and kind of have a special show tonight because we’re going to take a little break for April were there they were I had a little chance and a lot of shit going on is that what that’s not really why I can be busy and keep doing harmontown sand I’ll miss it as soon as we don’t do it for a week but we’re just going to take April off cuz it’s a show that never takes a Hiatus of my customer I’ll have a drink with you and and then someone else’s I’m coming in from Texas and then I can have a drink with you I would have to have a busy or months because I have taken it off but I also I just realized Aaron and I are in a scheduling like a trip to go to Cancun at some point I think it that might overlap with the arrival of Levi remember Levi with the bare feet in the business how could I forget
stop here and then I saw that guy’s not going to take take Levi to Cancun
I feel I feel like as long as as long as the the boat that takes to my car has at least one axle leave I will figure out a way to come down there Cape Fear reference wow okay I have moved what up does Sizzler The Tonight Show as most are we where are we going to have a lot of money
so in what order should we bring people up I say I say in alphabetical I say first week was is is is Duncan here yet oh okay, well then
thank you for nailing that
I have to say that the iPads been a little spotted today I got to say I’ve had that I cuz I was at Starbucks today for some other thing and you paid me that song stuck in my head it’s really catchy or something really really appreciate you email that to his wife and all his friends are fake lyrics to that Melody all day long
it was so funny cuz you guys please no, it was so funny to see his face as we’re listening to this he loves being the victim like it’s really fun to make fun of them it really is he makes it really fun is it at Paris
mind ya oh my God my parents in Los Angeles parents
are you not paying attention at all obvious they are still in town they’re in town for I scored
Lucky Devil we don’t see race at Hermantown Hermantown is it yes we’d yes we fucking to do harmontown is a Zone sounds bad
yeah only one rifle I will stand up because the rest of society gets Tangled try to try to visit you’re about to take the bus races thing yet but the beacons of light
Jimmy’s white people with different accents are there was no pushing, like but that’s not that you don’t do that by chance Elaine shows that you don’t cancel shows with hashtags funny going to be Snappy and cancel SNL are the two hashtags that I think James is your phone service to things in a row
Twitter account for Colbert so there was a joke on there that was the first free joke and what 20 years that that should have been out of Twitter account I guess because I don’t know what the joke was but it was like it really doesn’t matter it was it was it was urgent, I know where the joke wasn’t it was just a quote from the show the night before and it was taken out of context and quote it at the point of it was the owner of the Redskins there like he should have and then he said in the show he says I can we have the feel horrible saying it to help Asian Americans that was cancelled
I talked to the races coming our way
that’s racist
that’s right
do something like that even if you don’t start nothing
do you have don’t a good joke is funny you at least get what they’re going for is not nearly 95% of humanity my Jana Cain again but it’s just like did we did we did we go through some kind of censorship war that we so we understand that it’s always a bad idea to start telling people what’s right and wrong to say for free on the internet I also would I hate when this was happening there were people sort of Defending know everybody gets to talk about it why isn’t and also, he doesn’t suffer any discussion at all but it doesn’t brilliant Trucking sophisticated, D is going to come out of these these these these these Arbiters of, day like people in the world
bad jokes with they’re not going to replace him with good ones are we going to see if you can’t do Japanese I understand not you guys got that to her if I wish there was a way to describe this likely going to ronic ironic racial humor where it’s like oh I’m using the boomerang the wrong way on purpose blah blah blah like racially
boring isn’t about people who actually it’s not even talking about the greatest jokes in the world and then we’re talking about people who actually don’t seem to get them to actually actually parse language in a joke word forward and like a spell check like see a word that they then connect the dot to offensiveness with and then categorize the joke at there for a fence is actually not getting the joke and I’m not saying you are used to say go if you don’t get the joke than that means that the joke is so much more sophisticated than you now we’re talking about knock knock joke knock knock who’s there black guy black guy who hey I’m sorry I’m late cuz that black people time stereotype
text Dan Harmon
Play That’s that that’s a bad dumb unsophisticated let him let him stop getting laughs at hurting anybody it’s not a vision is going to somehow like you’re good at working to control television and make ourselves less racist because then the things that we watch on the magic box won’t make us racist anymore all these racist people are just going to go outside and make the outdoors racist if there’s nothing to watch on TV anymore they’re just going to the problem that he’s just like watching Big Bang Theory and I got that I hate Jews
play lately cuz I mean don’t you want that guy glued to the tube like you want them in the woods yeah you don’t want him out there by crosses and because your race bad but lately I’ve done done done done
Japanese Australian I was now the Chinese what
you guys are racist
again
Tina okay so there is there you go there is the so where is this during this realm where where it where trading like examples of why can’t you make Chinese cavemen I’m sure that what I mean I don’t sound like that
what do you mean they didn’t speak English for the Chinese visa
I’m sorry why does my career what would a Chinese caveman sound like I think you did that great
there is a movie I can be racist if I’m allowed to play I make it look good
sorry for allowing people that qualify as minority are are are allowed to be a little bit more listen Pakistani people are very very racist I’m not saying this to be glib I have a like a friend who’s a Syrian and his like what will you call it your Polack jokes that there is are a certain that neighboring countries I forget what it is and that country has the Turkish oh yeah buddy else Los Angeles I didn’t know any pull with people if they were polished they were a v polish in Polish
the we called the part on but it’s basically the ethnicity that sort of lives in Afghanistan in the area of Pakistan bordering Afghanistan it would be like how did Oprah time sheet ties shoelaces and it would be that do you know that thing or cuz you’re supposed to sit there and I can’t reach it.
play unintelligent it sounds like a Star Wars creature that you would like right around yeah I was too cold so I killed it for Todd and crawled inside what were those filthy patch on
your grounds are too late
I should have grown to the beginning of the Empire Strikes Back I got it I got Grayson let’s talk about race again on a positive note don’t tell me what to do don’t tell people what to say bubba it’s slippery slope you can have this planet fuck off but also I think like if you want to clean up the planet like this but it even if you just want to clean up comedy that’s fucking good but that’s called being a snob then you should like I don’t know read some books that make you laugh or like like Alan movies I don’t know lately like to come to fucking comedy millennials
start telling people with jokes are funny and which ones aren’t I let the let the whole you know the crotch that is Rachel comedy the hot-button you know cuz if I had one leg and I came out on stage and I said I got know what you guys are thinking something about my one leg and I like I would I would learn as a one-legged comic to get I would have the choice of like there be a temptation to go to that well and whether you belong to the minority in question or we’re not like Rachel, D has a kind of like other people cuz it’s on our minds and stuff like that and there’s intelligent Rachel comedy and there’s and there’s lowbrow trace of comedy and they’re downright racist racial comedy and there’s there’s everything in between but if if you want a police, they’d like great lately like here’s your blast Shield like like what you just took your first step into a world where you’re not going to get a lot of jokes for a while because if you’re starting your comedy analyzation career being so dumb that you say
did show should be cancelled at a Camby wood on Twitter to find out that that you don’t want your jokes to be too much smarter if somebody writes the canceled as a who started that thing well the one for ya it was you started it I think I’ll bear it was a lady so we park
don’t you didn’t I read an article that she wrote today right yeah she was not playing she’s not playing
for the record Adam Goldberg also races
but I’ve been accusing accusing others racism and everybody wants as many retweets and likes and you know like all they want as much feedback as possible I’d like people just do things that are clearly going to create energy and taking any bulbs or anything but you seem very serious about it
a little bit
yeah it was it was a vegetable
oh yeah
sure
Colbert’s with millionaire why do dogs will be fine sort of this start this thing no I’m not saying she asked for it I’m not a god
this show brought to you by Chinese caveman
I can’t be racist but that goes well with this color
I wish there was a machine that could actually measure genuine defensiveness actual offense that a person is actually taking that way weird because because we were now there was a part of your meal that you’re just like I’m not hungry anymore but and I think the desert of culture is that it has become like we’re sitting in our chairs that are laptops tweeting and hashtag intellectual desert talking about what’s a fence
I wish there was a way to actually get out of a yardstick and really measure like like genuine off of peas and queues like like like violations that were technical violations yeah he fouls if you will
hurting anybody in anyway and you could be a valid topic of conversation we want to be so high-minded comedy snobs and talk about what’s proper comedy or not because if that’s the other thing is like like I mean a woman who’s being tweeted hundreds of thousands of rape and death threats that. That’s how possibly just started like like a hundred I can’t even picture a hundred thousand rape and death threats like like I’m scrolling through them but but but but I’m I’m certain that it that that there’s a lot of idiots in the world that that that react that that are having the same unease that I’m feeling but I really terrible people and who are take that like then go want to go like I want to hit you in the face with a rock because because you’re a bad person and I’m a bad person of the terrible shit like like like it it it it it is offensive for somebody that liked tweet at you that they’re going to murder you or or sexually assault you to Humble you and put you back in your place
people think I created Teen Wolf I’m getting raped by the way lot of people really like people
I’m sure it’s a great show if I go by the vitriolic praise and as a wrong person I did not create team up I don’t know how that came to be but it’s really a television reporter can I come clean all but I actually did you finally figured out a way to get my and you have my guarantee of a crate of a television show that you love and adore that they will be no pathan I’m a racist I want to be a part on it so it doesn’t sound so sci-fi like this
give me one more time tonight so destiny
a great extent of time to change a lightbulb it’ll be like you know like what the fuc
I just changed your timing is leather-bound I mean
let me look like you know that joke the poet like how does a how does a part on the turn page is opening
exactly is licking one finger as if in preparation to turn the page while his other hand definitely turns the pages because that also and I forget which Marx Brothers films when I think it’s Tan in Alexa’s right, just deals is left in the old enough to have been around when Dan Quayle was vice president when he was just finally relaxed to break we found an actual
and he’s our vice president directed with his own hamburger nails and I saw him throwing several of the nails are kept looking at it at them eyes and throw in some of the nails away and he says the point is that the wrong side
please cross cross reference the earlier I’m at Android and can’t tell a joke
I can’t tell jokes either like I just beat you up
guy walks and Harmon can’t tell. I’m not trying to miss you like a field goal kicker right now did you tell the joke a bunch of times I want you to non ironically tell it a straight and a simple and going to get Dan Harmon now present the death joke
the matron of the
I need want a horror for money and he says I only I only have a dollar
is that enough time for a horror and nnn
Brevard and Harmon, st. Charles
the owner of the whorehouse says the matron says duck you get this duck okay that’s all you get
any guys that okay at a takes it upstairs and he comes back down later and with with the duck and he gives the deck back on because I had a wonderful time I was that was a great duck that was a great text sex session and and and and he and he leaves and any who may mutter something about the next day no matter what are you said but come now
shocking conclusion as Dan Hartman
tell the doctor
comes back he comes back the next day and I didn’t even know that.
And then I tell you what when I say conclusion I mean
how do you get a sec I’ll have the duck please and she gives him the duck and he didn’t I fucked one thing up he didn’t give her a dollar yet
he just came he just did that you just came bounding in its nature and give him the key goes upstairs he comes back and she said that’ll be seven dollars and adding a $7 and the and the prostitute matron says
yesterday’s duck god dammit
what does discretion mean
as you’re telling it and also learning the English flag
he comes down he gives back the dock and said she says that’ll be $7 and he says he says this

who does this this TV comedy for a living and what do you mean he took it upstairs he had sex with it the second day $7 pay afterward whorehouses
do you give the check back processing Industries based on trust you’ll be blacklisted for about like
what time this is a region of the country at a time in our history when prostitution isn’t like it’s not it’s not respectful to women but it’s also not like as like like frowned upon as an industry and therefore there is
okay so do so he brings the duck down on the second day this is that he went upstairs with it he brings it down he gives it to the woman that’ll be $7 and he says that 7 times as much as yesterday’s duck and she says that duck didn’t have AIDS
hahaha that was Dan Harmon
you should have said this.
All right right right you don’t want to fuck the egg done but you don’t want to talk to you I got to go to her house to get my since she has them at. Can you look at this truck doesn’t have a
well congratulations you’re good at something silly just so you know Jay Johnston and Dino stamatopoulos 3 the funniest people I know cannot tell jokes does it help that in my head the whole time all the characters were Asian in this joke what does that say about me
racist typical Asian but at the end and I just going to have to like the most nervous I think I ever get in the year is telling a joke and even doing that just now the joke I know it would raise his butt like my heart rate goes up I hit the wrong thing cuz I’m like I’m trying not to drive wrong and I get really nervous but you got miscellaneous an extraneous details when you said I think the for money detail was brought by a well I wasn’t yeah
but I figured you’re new to the karaoke karaoke with a free hand like I don’t I don’t feel comfortable okay I’m not good at it and I tell jokes but only if I’ve written I can’t do other people’s songs or tell somebody else
okay I’m going to the whorehouse and there’s only one in the whorehouse
the matron are English language option
hahaha I mean that joke telling is so many gifts to go half as long as you did the last time you told there was a guy on the harmontown she had a t-shirt that I had made that is filled with tax that is me trying to tell the duck jokes about us
okay
all right you know I haven’t seen in a long long time and haven’t checked in on him and he has a dramatic update our good friend speak Donnelly
speak for those who don’t know is multiple aneurysm Survivor who we establish last time he because of his strange condition his proclivity for something that is catastrophic to anyone when it occurs randomly he has a proclivity for aneurysms and doctors like we’re cutting you a deal where they said well because that’s so weird we can will give you free kind of treatment but it’s for our purposes it’s for our studying and stuff like that and you got your own neurologist as well but you were just telling me in the Green Room do you want to take it from there and Usher Yeah so
one of the things I lost that I think I said on previous shows was my visual memory and so what does it cut down on my short-term memory a lot and it also makes it really hard on the artist that makes really hard to create artwork so you like the pieces I did for harmontown to where you guys are all Mega Man characters actually had a nosebleed trying to create a tart so it’s not a thank you I had fun doing an indoor Kids 1 review and Emily and so so it takes a lot out of me to to create things but I I don’t like being told I can’t do stuff so these doctors that I’ve been seeing for a couple years now they I had another coiling procedure done in November and since then it’s kind of laid off some of the test they normally do on me and and in that time. Where it was a long period longer. Then I usually have between test I started at least I thought having some visual sense coming back so I had a dream one night and I have
I dream in in a long time and so
and if that’s not how you sound just stop doing that
visual memory visual what is the procedure that were they like they put like a dago it depends on where they where they sell the best is but sometimes they they go up when your inner thigh and they run a catheter up your entire body start up here or we could do this I got to go straight up and then they put these the coils into like a kind of slipped and pin in direct lick you know the aneurysm in case I’d like to enter drain and sometimes too so they’ll put them in in like that hold them in place and listen to have multiple ones I keep growing they have to do the procedure you know more often the next one comes
they go in and take care of it I didn’t get one at a time I got like two or three so it’s sort of like the last time I went and I got 14 coils put in and then they stay there for a while and I’m over time they ate some of them dissolve so I had this dream and then I was trying to explain the dream in their life because I have trouble thing thing visually I was having trouble explaining the dream but I knew I had one for the near like how it’s probably nothing you know whatever so I said okay so then in like a week or two later I could have sworn I had another dream and then I said okay now I’m starting to connect a really major. Here after my aneurysm there was a time when I was like writing stuff again that I would draw like do do a little bit
and then sent that I’ve been under this program and that whole time it’s been really hard for me to draw and I felt neutered by the medication the stuff they’ve been doing to me I felt like it was stopping me from creating so I basically told him he look before we running more tests I’d like some time off to see if I have more dreams if I get more visual sent and then so what ended up happening in that time off was I sculpted something I started writing a song and I started painting and and I’m still having trouble with the visual sense so hard for me to do these things but the neat thing is at or not the song so much but there but the neat thing is is that I’m conquering it like I’m beating I think whatever this wall was that I was hitting so recently I told those doctors okay I appreciate all the help but I want out of this program and and they’re like well we advise against it because you know because they paid for a lot of my medical treatment they’re like you know you make no money at all and even less than a normal artist because because none of my stuff
bells and it’s all for charity so they’re getting jobs I don’t know how to pay my own bills why are you hurting me to pay your bills so I so I I just like creating and that’s it so I feel like that’s my purpose so I’ve made the decision will even if it kills me not having you doctors around I want to create this project I started this project has inspired by harmontown because it’s the only I listen to podcast religiously at even I see I heard every episode like 10 or 20 times and I feel like this is my family that’s my homeys people who understand me who don’t judge me a negative way and so and and who also help me create art akritas Prince for you guys and so I wanted to do a bid Love Letter to that and type of people have come up here like like Jane you know who you are or shine friend who you know who’s I have some birth sign kit follow him on Twitter to tell you about it and then we have like Levi
these people who are really great people and they are searched and searched for an identity and I feel like that’s what I’m in search for because my memories of childhood are gone you know that I remember look up to about seven years ago and then yeah yeah if you don’t have any memories of when you were a kid I have some knowledge of them but they’re most of them are gone so let me know know where are my mom is such a weird relationship now is because she always says do don’t remember when you do this don’t you ever do that and I I it breaks my heart every time you tell her that I don’t cuz then I see the look on her face you feel that now. Just kind of trickling back in like your visual sense that that maybe memories might come I’m hoping that’s why I want to explore
if anything’s worth dying for it it’s to find out who you are you know so I said well okay so I don’t want to die do I have my Wonder ologist but everyone else I would like you can all go away like let me explore the thermacell deepest pool is amazing I mean there’s also like they do care for my well-being their doctors you know they think they’re trying to make me a better me obviously but but I I don’t want to help now I want to find out who seek is and I want to find out what kind of artist he is so mean I heard you talk to Katie at South by Southwest and she said I’m trying to figure out what an artist I am I want to paint I want to draw when I let you know create music and you’re like do them all so I expect you know what I’m going to do the mall too and so I’m releasing a book called along the towel that I which meat which is French for a vital force and it’s a book about the first robot tickets a soul and that in order to prove that he has a soul he creates a bunch of
Smart Styles in so I’m creating your style is like as a robot obviously and to every page in different art style so I do. Some surrealism Body Sculpting you know I teach I choreograph a dance like I’ve literally doing every Arts all I can think of him putting it all in one book as of paying a big Love Letter to to Art but also a big love letter to the people that inspired it which is pretty much everyone who’s ever heard or listen to or come to the show and you guys obviously
but there’s this
there’s this sobering Schilling Edge to the whole thing where your you know your your your gambling like like you know you’re this thing that we sometimes take for granted but also are imprisoned by which is like your well-being your your year year year year already you already have to deal with that being at risk all the time and you now made this decision that you’re these guys to put coils up there and build levees and things and stuff you there you’re going to get you know that you view your associating there are tests and treatments and things with a mitigation of of your true self I’m so you’re just going to like the guy in Into the Wild kind of funny. You’re going to give me to go off and do it as Julie Alaska of not getting these coils anymore and there could be poison berries are there could be amazing buses that you get to live in
nobody gets to live his life and then he he he he he does die in the end yeah I don’t know if I would ever have the courage to do to make myself I want to make sure that the that I’ve had an equal shot at inspiring you to let you know have you have you have you do you have a neurologist in your life you and you got these crazy sci-fi scientist in your life do you have a do you have a counselor of some kind in your life somebody that you can talk to about this gigantic decision was maybe a little more qualified than me I mean not currently I had right when I after I had my aneurysm rupture I met with us like a psychology
and we talked out getting stuff and I know you guys were talked about that last week it was really cool to have someone to talk to you but I also suffers like I said some emotional damage from where they rupture happen so I’m also like the most robotic person to talk to you at times like I feel happy and stuff when I get that and then there are times when I feel sad but in the middle there it’s like that’s where it gets weird so so that’s why I wanted to write a book about a robot because I’m like I identify you have people up here that identify when their men they identify as women and women who identified as men and vice versa but it’s identify is not human if that makes any sense and enter tile of humanity like I I want to be a part of humanity so much that I’m willing to cut that tether because I think that’s what’s going to make me rejoin Humanity that’s what they make me feel the most human before I if I do die in and I don’t know I mean I’ve been told twice now that I know you got this much time to live and I’m still here four years later and I feel like I’m doing okay like I’m walking I’m talking pretty good so
I mean I’m not saying doctors don’t know anything I have utmost respect for doctors of the reason I’m here but I I think I have to just trust myself for once and I know I have given it a lot of thought and I talked about was a lot of friends but ultimately it’s my decision and and I’m going to stand by it I think it’s the right one I’m solutely of course stand by you your friend thank you so much for
so what do you say you don’t have like the members is there is it like you do stuff and then sometimes you don’t remember you’ve done it lately it’s been happening a lot more but I have that it doesn’t change nothing of the duct you all right it’s real quick I hate traveling I think it’s cuz my dad used to beat me with a globe
decedent
thanks so much if I can plug it real quick the book I was talking about laundry towel the kickstarter starts tomorrow and I’m looking to raise $5,000 to make a a limited 500 print run of it would like to donate I would appreciate
holy smoke that guy asked to actually deal with one of the most expensive things in the world which is our relationship with an unforgiving unpredictable God hashtag cancel Humanity your problem with a joke on Colbert and the ice caps are melting describes an injury or illness whatever that you feel physically the thing like I have this thing where it starts hurting like crazy operation and then make my abdomen starts hurting I don’t know if anyone else has that was like like he’s up there and my head I don’t like
I think I can so much like like like has an injury is like a God damn it
oh yeah I can’t watch other people get hurt like like Tasha whatever and sweet little just people getting Rex like the idea of someone who’s like that bear the terrible knowledge of the wrong parts of the Earth
is that important
you know it buddy you’re catching on but
found it. Just standing up
strange thing in the Green Room suck my dick
when does not very strange Place sure you said you you said you often think about how much you would enjoy fighting a pack of coyote oh yeah
yeah okay
I have follow-up questions so you live in LA you can make this dream come true Moorpark would just kind of like a farming Town seriously check it look it up on Urban Dictionary if it has an injury but there’s a lot of farmland and stuff and you can go out and sometimes we go out hiking just in the fields and stuff at night you’d be able to hear coyotes or even just not hiking like in my bed I’d be able to hear coyotes like all the time and you hear a lot of them but like when we go on night hike sometimes they sound really close and you’ll be like holy shit sounds like 6 or 7 I’ll probably be fine
that when you picture yourself fighting a pack of coyotes is it barehanded if you have a weapon of some stuff and I mean the only thing I can ever imagine is like having a bag with me like a backpack that I’m hiking with cuz hiking so you know maybe swing have to bag around but yeah mostly bare hand do you think you could take a pack of coyote I mean
six or seven they’re very cowardly scavengers I mean they’re not talking about you pissed off like I don’t know what’s supposed to happen he traveling down the road or park when you here
the red cleaning eyes from the bushes are all the information you need to realize what’s upon you a 12-pack of slightly timid coyote
so if you have an issue today
take six or seven in my travels I think you could do it but not because if the six coyote actually is the plural coyote I don’t care
what do you do if somebody Sam that made their whatever that made them like like physically Endeavor as a unit of six coyote I think my dog could take me out like I might know a man takes is one blow to the throat
I mean picture so you throw out your left on your left arm as a sacrifice the less it clamped on you just a quick me in the throne you’re done wonders and literally never hear them going for the throat. What could the stories isn’t good aren’t going to be like the guy we were they trying to wedge the job that’s not what you do you just go for the throat if they can’t breathe or not going to be be biting you but did you read where did you read this what is this information technology services in My Tribe to 11
Harvard Medical coyote Edition I’m just saying I mean have you guys seen coyotes to look at anything yeah that’s probably more likely yeah we’re talking about going to be super timid that’s why I’m saying me
No I don’t want
Spectrum we have great memories
or a Rottweiler because I mean honestly if you’re talking like a coyote vs. Pitbull like a crazy dog that I’d feel more confident me do fighting against Rottweilers and pitbulls probably aren’t up there I mean
yeah see this is the whole thing you can do when they’re small enough and I think you could pull this off with a coyote all you have to do is spin around kicking
Street Fighter it’s not John back kick it is quite literally been down and backwards
is somebody the face of Madness right now I’m going to kill all of us
it is such a bummer that this is an audio podcast. Jam it and I don’t see any of those pics doing major damage I mean okay does it does it looks uncomfortable called low life
Moorpark is a America there are things I can put like a hundred or two hundred racks in there and it was busy and you had to stop them because they would come attack you but what’s the sport you would bet rat or a man could these were prisoners and their bathing and dogs versus Bears you would bet you would bet money on dogs for dogs or bear
dispensary like you might have thought you might have taken to that rat stuff in. And you know the zoo like like like really like those are adorable first time I saw those I was just like man don’t you just me
Learning to Fly
we’re getting to the heart of the matter here coyote fight fetish dreams are you are you dilating there are you at your are you breaking their necks and no no I mean will you break a couple next shirt but not I mean just trying to pack without breaking a call if you want to make a coyote coyote I think the first thing to do if you break the biggest ones that can send a message to the rest of the week
spin around circles you kick about half the coyotes they freaked out and leave about you Spencer a lot less threatening than you think it is to be efficient design to take you know I like Jordans like a big Denny Dog bigger than she too or any K9 like their objective is to get you down on the ground and you’re in trouble again with coyotes they’re very light so if you have three or four coyotes on you just jump right up but sometimes Vonage
what I just sounds dangerous but he’s 6-5 coyotes they have their mouth full of little 32 caliber bullets take it they could tell you man it’s sometimes I lay in bed with this guy and rubbing his belly and he’s just like and I look at it I could kill my gas my left butt cheek that is what I got a good size of a like a like a shark tooth I could try and go about your butthole
when you when you when you push the button and pull the chain does that where the chocolate choo-choo train comes out cuz that’s that’s a butthole
start making a little too lightly of of my actual injuries that I have never fucking 19 and any time I walked out but I have a swim I just make sure that they’re done that to German Shepherds when was named Guinness remember his name cuz he’s in your childhood
this is an actual fact brother has a dog and a parakeet named salmon
call Kayla
I hope you’re guarding that was a bad joke
I think about him taking somebody thinking that we’re having a good time play Katy Perry glad you don’t know how to make a joke funny joke tell me what your spotty Bible sometimes sometimes
you’re not good at that’s maybe why you cannot make it funny I don’t know I just trying to help you with your bulletproof premise you showed us that our premise maybe isn’t so but it proved to be locked up we got up there the Ducks are not locked up in there were two giant German Shepherds and Guinness of all people comes running straight at me and I had like a little bathing suit on
I’m defenseless as Barefoot I got a really really low caliber Wrestling Federation and brown blood
navigate to Scorpions The Zoo. Me and my brother ever the dog picks me the smaller than a good pack animal instincts are the essentials might have been any took a piece out of my ass and took a big chance for your nuts that’s what I was going to say okay they go for your crotch and it doesn’t matter how much fruit punch
more than one there’s a lot of them yeah but they don’t jump at the same time that be silly
yeah
I trained under text I do have a video in it so I can even if you happen to have it documented they can’t cry while I do it.
boom boom boom
that’s how you fight off of this is the day that the podcast changed
is that the place where was it doesn’t matter how many of them
what’s it what’s it called
the mega need something
list of the whirling Liam, one by one. I think I speak for all of us when I say we missed you dearly man
is it now okay, can I call you as possible
you don’t just go into these situations half-cocked you prepare I also think if you’re sitting around in a circle you’re going to start like you know but yeah that’s why you know 637 know what you said 80 whatever is yeah yeah yeah you start stomping it be you’d save energy defense these are bloodthirsty violence against animals what’s wrong with these dogs are all racists and polish and polish Cortana bar handgun coyote
I held that she too is my pause but over to the side and it’s better they don’t know you can step in the photonic formula
seems like they just have bad spatial
can you do the joke that seek dead which is one line
oh god oh dear God
oh God damn quick disclaimer so-called it I was having fun when I’m talking about therapy and stuff and how much I don’t want to do it and I’m all self-righteous and then taking it and all that stuff and I never I never want anybody emulating me or taking anything I say seriously in that regard we apparently talks she got a vessel will help well yeah I mean that that he was like
God damn it where’s the I thought it was I thought it was one of my Tumblr whatever it doesn’t matter I guess their own words but I don’t think I can find them so whatever I I need I need help from professionals and I hope that nobody interpreted your screed is like being a recommendation against seeking help from others as the professional people stuff like that not only was I being ironic like II in the end like I felt deprecated going to give course the whole point of this is that I’m crazy I’m in denial nobody needs therapy more than me and I like to have fun and say I don’t need the therapy and therapists are full of bullshit
play Simon like having fun but but I don’t want any of you kids out there I don’t want to anybody that thinks that they need to talk to somebody to think that they shouldn’t like God for that that’s a bad choice that’s that’s crazy that’s that’s so crazy you should see a shrink going going going going to a shrink is not going to hurt you at all and could very well help you and and I was I’m only making fun of Myself by saying indignantly that I don’t need to go and I’m 41 and 5:00 so so funny
also races are good so I said if I said anything and made you think your race is bad
it’s a good one yeah I think I think we all have our functions you know Germans are there like this to the Swiss army knife of Races they can win
I call them the German shadow
what are the Dutch
tough but fair he’s tough but fair you know how do you spell Salvadorans of a bale of carrots
but what are what are peruvians a famously afraid of mosquitoes but they keep some making bug zappers the races to say that make great bug zappers but they do send it you go down there you do Mission work like I did
I’m I work with them I understand them and you work with them you learn to laugh at them
it becomes okay. You weren’t there.
Show him mosquitoes
country has no extradition policy
oh my God
I should be called until I can do as I say and as I do fight. Imitate mace Outlet
just a just a happy kids staring into a happy son
when was the is this a thing that you thought about since you were a kid fighting a coyote like outside my window and it’s like man is there going to be a time we’re going to be closer than outside my window
I don’t know I mean yeah I definitely thought about I I used to hike a shit ton like again we lived in like farmlands and like you just go if you got a 1-mile anywhere you’d be hiking you know you wouldn’t just be walking think about how do you say fall asleep when I was a little kid and test and it was like totally developed yeah it was so cool we heard one last year we went in and it was just a coyote out there I wish I’d known about this big dick move to the Hollywood Hills you can see this shit cougars I’m so sorry
please take that out just going to leave it it’s frickin enormous and it’s a it’s a huge Predator that just went across the 134 freeway somehow I don’t know how you get their kids we went to one of our vacations was like a different part of Pakistan to sort of go hiking and we all day took us to that getup this not me my family and their friends to put on Ville by digging a hole

yeah they can’t do a damn thing the right way and we finally got all the way up to the meet with a bread in between.
I saw they were airplanes for hats took us all day and soon as we got up there it was like a very Barren mountain-top we looked we got that and it was just one tree and under that tree was just sitting a big fucking lying like looking at we all walked outside and I just hiked backed out our whole day was going to be hanging out on top of that mountain we just saw this fucking yeah sounds taken a tough guy you got a little Adventure before we go to a month-long break but I still hate animals this type of thetical
the stage is so innocuous if someone’s not going to have a problem with it I love people and I want them to be happy and I don’t want them to be in pain that is it is it then there’s this other culture of like wow that was offensive technically you put your elbow on the table of language and it’s like I shouldn’t have done that because I know that that hurt somebody that’s why I’m saying like look like that’s not it it’s like we weibler the two and go like you you should apologize I thought Natasha Leggero is not an apology for her Pearl Harbor joke fuck are we doing you can you bring me some Joe got a New Year’s Eve show about like I was just like
are veterans being order something very innocuous just doing someone’s joke is not going to make it sound funny and blah blah blah it doesn’t matter.
But but hurt her non-apology like blah was great I don’t really believe that the world’s greatest generation was in any way threatened by a dumb joke about her lately lately
when was D-Day set for its day day it’s the stupidest shit in the world Dede like ATM machine or or Sierra mountains right ketologie I think they call it is it right I don’t know
payday your language Pearl Harbor assholes
I’m sorry
can we delete your gear
I hope so yeah. Aaron’s in Dragon was here I’d like her to DM me and Steph so much less work no I’m kidding I love it but yet no she was great it was great I really like listening to a terrible job of dungeon mastering some kind of a game at night I think I I I was too much of an ass call about warning her that was like you know there’s some rules to the game but you should read some of the books but you know it’s a lot harder when you have to abide by rules and stuff no offense the erring like I’ve not think she had me fall she didn’t do anything wrong she was great but just wanted this claim was great that she cheated willfully neglect the rules
are the hours of the blackout that I remember I can’t
Chestnut cat mad at me look at it I don’t know exactly why I go
in the night I heard I was pissed as a parent because it was great I don’t know the parents got drunk but I like that you know those wild parrots in Burbank I saw that I was like what the fuck is going on how would you defend yourself I was just turned off cuz they’re coming from the air and celebrate the imagine a flock of parrots attacking Spencer and he’s just going in a circle punching left punching bag punching letters
I mean it’s tough because the whole spin kick thing is your punching behind you in the hood
Target is more of a decoy that also flails you might have something I didn’t even notice that I was hoping this is not just bullshittin you’re like a magician man you’re a real look at the video Let’s rejoin her campaign
better than getting your kidneys
last time on harmontown bar Heroes with the help of a minotaur name Meredith in her crazy ladder the stuff that are going to put you on the floating Isle of paradise which was a loose in all directions in the past featureless Tundra the range and while the gang puzzled intubated over this app more took initiative and wept into the sack into an equally magical City the game followed suit and soon they were met with a no-name Fizz bulb Chris de Burgh quickly quickly Solve the Riddle granting them access to the magical City but before the game could enjoy Bill Maher to Kim’s device they were stricken by agonizing pain a symptom of their blood
stoker promises displayed Meredith their Newfound Ally and who was Bill Maher and Titi have anything to say about this will find out tonight on an all-new harmontown time
yay the agony of the Soul curse in our heads right now it was in your head and then you feel the burning in your soul is like
as is the norm still with us they have buffalo wings there that I wipe you out and I want Huntley appears in front of you I mean he doesn’t appear he he leaps out of the bucket that he was in and he introduces himself who does not supposed to help you get around
he comes out of a bucket out of a bucket
am I I want to get high right now I got to go
where are you are you know where my weight
do you work at Bill Maher on again I don’t I mean I don’t I have a job here mostly I’m just a bucket of the name of the city that that’s everywhere OK Google where is bull yeah we’re cursed we’re cursed with a cane for good people never been friends for being punished for the deal that we made that destroyed
okay well where you live it’s not a competition
how much is the mortgage on your bucket is a portal to portal or stick my head in his bucket you you pop your head out of a bucket in a bathroom it’s a bathroom
wait do you do poop in the bucket for travel in the bucket and just send it to another dimension out of the bucket and I look at it with bull you do you live in a bathroom I have a bathroom in my house
where I keep a bucket do you poop in that bucket
I feel like my life is so much weirder than I’ve always thought
I I I poked my head in a bucket and I look around for a toilet for confirmation and there’s a thing, I guess I don’t even understand I pop out. My head back out okay so you just keep the portal to this data dimension in your bathroom at your other crib yeah okay why do you keep it in the bathroom
I have to get out of the house is that what they call You Wiz
I know but that’s very clever question is there anybody in the great expanse that could help us with the lift this curse from his grill
I make a beeline for sale
okay so Chris de Burgh emerges from the bucket in a gnomish bathroom while Quark heads over a chimney like that bag that you guys came through okay I’m just I’m just throwing things out there is toilet but I don’t flash because you know what to say if it’s metal it’s brown Let It Go I don’t know what the power goes down if it’s brown let it drown
that’s what my mother said to me when I was born
in a carrot
I jump back out of different things
that’s why I wanted to knock that one out first
this is the one-room flat it’s got a very little it’s got a big table with chains on either end that’s just kind of dominating the center of the room and on that on that table sitting on it like it weird share something syllable is a specially because he has a name tag that says he’s got a big a big blue and orange beard which is weird even for gnomes and he’s sitting there he’s like hey what’s up
I heard about your Bungalow and look my name is a quark I am not new here in at Bill Maher against and what’s what’s what’s for sale here where I’m studying complex cigarette Museum hours
can I pick up Mondays and Tuesdays except Wednesdays
we made a deal to kill off this miniature here Emeritus and we didn’t want to because we took Mercy matter. He waves his arms in pokes his eyes with his hands and his eyes change color magically he’s like true vision and he looks that you guys like
detective mode in the Batman video games yeah it is kind of like that probably been broken or broken tired going to cost a pretty penny do you guys have any material wealth
call Alicia
you’re fucking broke right now we’ve killed a lot of people over here
when did we give them money we leave money in the corpses beef dollar signs appear in the in the corpses eyes the wrong eyes I can’t believe that’s pretty cool though cuz usually at museums they don’t sell the stuff that they guys I don’t know how to loot corpses from now on
that was that was a mistake we we we we we could have retired by now we’re always here, and I’ll stay closed for break into that thing still the sky is cigarettes I’ll be expecting men in white overalls to be going in and out of there was okay how about maybe we see if there’s a store that sells cigarettes before
where do I go to loot any corpses of a by on his cigarettes need to be like I don’t give up my goggles of carton cigarettes and probably this place is full of cigarettes I don’t know about Stephanie carton so it takes a long time to answer we can jump on the bucket or back at the back this didn’t make cigarettes that’s what does the city of smoking and riddles
we love smoking and riddles
I’ve come to rob a museum in the same town where you’re buying curse-breaker
if he makes a good point fellows 70 cartons North Carolina
sternum
guys with my head is killing me I don’t know about you guys but this whole curse is really taking its toll I did was not beat around the bush with his clothes Museum lots of battles is going there get these cigarettes pay the gun will get the soul Chris left it will get in them but I feel morally conflicted and it said we have to really keep it secret
I would like I would like you to think back on all of my behavior throughout this campaign and realize that I rational irrational word asshole monsters that try to leverage us yeah that’s not that’s not the same as Robin is no music
The Secret Museum it’s not good for the kids
but you think I’m museum is going to have 70 cartons of cigarettes cigarettes and we really want to see what we’re just big fans
you know it’s closed for renovations
there really ought to be
I can’t think of one but you just said you were the bad guy in a city that has everything everywhere I think I see the bread is buttered on this is God of the museum I got the old teleport tape in Onyx and like there’s going to be a breeze also yeah that’s great how about that we could give me the pocket of the we can climb through the bucket into the bathroom
I can teleport with the into the museum and then I can pay cash in the bathroom for the Museo I say it’s worth a try
I mean even if it’s better it’s better to have it at once and then not have it
alright alright alright
I got I didn’t we have a bag of holding or something right now I could just pop in there if I can I’ll do this all right away from the cigarettes right all right all right okay are there any you prefer yeah give me some Marlboro Marlboro
probably a famous man whose name is Lenora know alright I think we can figure out the best but you know that joke let’s move on
all right, right so you do that any Five-O shows up with some sort of signal that we can signal you if you’re in there like how does 500 what’s the signal don’t we have a lot of play my Luda Charming thing I could sing Lady In Red like that, okay okay all right over to the to the cigarette Museum you’re there so discreet spot where I’m out of view of the public
can I use the teleport tape to teleport myself through the wall of the museum over for the renovation but you see the biggest thing you see dominating the room next to posters of cigarettes and all sorts of breakdowns models cigarettes and diagrams bust of a gnome composed entirely of cigarette butts its eyes Boulder with the smoke and it seems to look at you as you as you enter
bro I think you just got five.
Disguise myself as your casting the words you you noticed it it it definitely is looking at you get turns towards you a massive amount of the nation of cigarettes then opens its mouth and says I’m beautiful. Hard again with you in my music
well I am Sharpie butts a lot
which is sort of a good description for the what this person is and I am a I am a human sorcerer who is adventures and I am in your town because I am afflicted by an unfair curse that that that wants me to kill a friend which I cannot because it in my world friendship and cigarettes are the foundation of life
and I came in here to find cigarettes
that I could use to pay
have my curse lifted and those cards are on the table
I’m not a good liar
I don’t think I could beat you in a fight you’re made a cigarettes
even if I could even if I could I wouldn’t want to
cuz I’m here that he wouldn’t let you
bad at loading up my pocket side and I’ve never looted a single corpse in my life
that should tell you something that’s no excuse for trespassing even if you like friendship and cigarettes the two most important things to me
sounds like there’s some, you’re absolutely right and I didn’t think that I was I wasn’t thinking of it as trespassing I was thinking of it as I saw the sign that said if you’re under renovation yeah it’s a dangerous place you might get hurt I’ve done a lot of carpentry and things that is how I did it with my tiny nine cigarette brain has meaning that you needed help renovating and here I thought it was going to come in and help so I can come in and see the cigarettes sooner I fucked up
I’m admitting that’s who you are
lying
we’re outside we’re outside
he is his eyes seemed to Glow brighter as if someone’s taking a drag from his eyes when he opens his mouth and smoke billows out into the room surround you and consumes you and choking a hard to breathe but doesn’t feel too bad it feels smooth and flavorful.
can I can I get a warning label about this early explaining what it is or no
well are we fighting just way
what are we doing outside when you guys are looking for somewhere around 7:00.
I’m wearing my boots and price bringing does that mean I could like leap out of the smoke you can’t lie I say to the guy Hey listen I’m wearing these boots price bringing in
I might bleep out of a smoke just really still at 1 and they have an open dialogue with you and
don’t want to lose your trust and create a cycle of mistrust by avoiding the smoke but at the same time you’re not explaining the smoke and I asked you are you attacking me
you said just wait I could take that two ways okay can we go outside I think something is wrong you know I say we go in there and help right now is this is Bristow way into taking too long I’m going to go grab that P bucket that portal and just in case I go grab the portal bucket and I ended I just purchased with all my might to the front door
through the front door and into the area where a Sharpie managed to pull himself into many starts does Denny stay in all these weird things you don’t get what’s going on it’s very confusing me two cigarettes to enter into conflict while I take the buckets and I just I see the cigarette monster I see what’s going on here look so instinctively I think we can waive the bucket around and move all the smoke to that guy’s bathroom
I was going to push him into the bucket and send him to the fucking bathroom I feel like
yeah what if he doesn’t want to go to the bathroom and I’ll be in the bucket I think we could talk to fight this guy smoke pours through through the guy’s mouth and is now kind of consumed in this whole room and smoke you guys are overcome with smooth flavor a sense sense motive, maybe no
you think that he’s he doesn’t seem hostile but he does seem overwhelmingly powerful I don’t think I know please
alright I did I didn’t know I had two cops I have a buddy tow bar again
holyshit your name is everywhere he’s a true follower of the curling smoke cigarettes and friendship
how do you say that that’s very funny cuz I just went to the store I like Smooth flavors when I smoke torches
you like a big really hard core cigarette smoke all right all right that’s motive on him you don’t know you just said okay you’re going to regret me that lightens fuck around fire when it happened a lot and we end up fighting them and Redman sweet I wouldn’t put it past him to suppress research about long-term effects of what’s Happening Here this is Cliff Hanger I deeply in the hail the smoke you feel your curse being lifted
oh my God you guys you guys are you guys going to try this
I also deeply in hell I had I had an inhaled yet so I don’t know
the resisting sorry I was just I was talking but I was breathing the whole time I don’t know
the same happens to you Crystal Berger still possessed in general though maybe get your curse lifted we can bring him some cigarettes I don’t have a car so I’m doing great
what actresses are lifted you guys I mean I mean at least that’s all curse for the for the time being we’re good Meredith burst in carrying a long ladder what’s up we’re good we don’t have to kill you now I’ll put this away then
Chili’s
alright gang
if you’re crazy you go get professional help and if if your erase love yourself and each other if you’re a comedy writer embrace the challenge of writing non-offensive comedy if you if you love harmontown we’ll see you in May
thank you Dustin Marshall thank you melt down
nerdmelt I think you must have all the people that. Come here every week you guys are the best we love you will see you soon thank you Zak the audio maniac and

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