Episode: 110 – Dana Carvey Has Never Done Anything Wrong (feat. Tenacious D)

Episode

Episode: 110 – Dana Carvey Has Never Done Anything Wrong (feat. Tenacious D)

Description

Mayor Harmon welcomes Dana Carvey to Harmontown who for some reason apologizes for Wayne’s World two and out of nowhere, Tenacious D of www.festivalsupreme.com appear out of thin air! In D&D, someone dies.

Transcript

ladies and gentlemen harmontown is down sex
Please welcome the mayor of harmontown at home
I know
alright thank you so much for a last-minute controlling oh thank you for having me then your ear all had at this now like I love controlling it’s like my favorite thing I’m sorry I didn’t I didn’t even hear that you called my name I thought people just excited that the show is happening I usually wait to see if they’re excited to for me to be here
this fucking guy BJ black this fucking guy is here too
that’s a huge compliment do not take that the wrong way you are very handsome very handsome
you look like Duke Nukem is related to BJ blazkowicz from the in the Canon of a video game stuff okay this is very deep. I just want to say a couple of things we talked about last week so the sexual harassment cosplay thing yes and I don’t think we touched upon it last week and I don’t know
the touched upon it there but is that your joke
you guys are worse than sexual harassers
I don’t I don’t I don’t know if he mentions a young lady who’s become the poster child of Cosplay I want to sidestep like because I don’t like whether or not she I don’t know what that other package which is a thermos what article on a country road publication it was one of the Rick and Morty writers pulled it out and said that is a huge article about Cosplay and sexual assault and harassment terrible article outlining the outlining the whole thing and terrible dark Darkness Darkness cosplay sexual assault cosplay sexual assault class Play Sexual Assault and at the bottom of the stock photography of some people cosplaying it’s it was the it was the couple that dressed as Mr meeseeks at the
no such thing as bad press
it’s just great to have stuff out there
you can’t control how it gets out there it was the weirdest sensation of my life cuz I like I’m a nerd of this girl got hurt or didn’t she or whatever with that it’s going to pump us up like 1.7
is a franc
I don’t think that’s his name nope it’s not like I just ran out with the Starbucks parking lot. Apparently end I was really bummed out because I was working late at starbirds the animation studio and writers assistant Adam got a call from a PA who said I walked out there was a guy he’s parked on the spot and he’s got a blanket over him and I don’t know what’s going on so I called the non-emergency police line which is for 311 I don’t know what 910 okay I don’t know less than one I don’t know and I always watch out the back and they were three squad cars and I was a homeless kid who obviously just wanted a safe place to sleep and I’m part of the problem
I just and I’m living with that and I thought if I said it to these kids I can somehow games and you’re not going to get this message cuz he’s probably doesn’t listen to maybe could have with one night safe sleep in my parking around he could have fucking like gained a foothold and I came down on him like a fucking like I didn’t even know I was doing it I’m up I’m part of the problem all right for that wedding planning is fun is it
70 Segways a rough done
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering if I can smell food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes related my own life so there’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker it myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
when you went when you when you waiting time you get to make a whole list of all the people you’ve ever known in your entire life and do nothing with the person you love but talk shit about all of them
it’s almost worth it’s almost worth getting married even if you don’t really love someone but I recommend getting married because there’s so much that you could get get to do like I just deciding like I don’t know these people just make a list of everyone you’ve ever known in your whole life and be like them
satisfying Silverman’s party warning shit-faced warning symptomatic of what I’m reading my Evernote notepad this is when I was at a party with a friend of ours on a rooftop overlooking Los Angeles this is what I typed it in my notepad yeah for you kids should should I get high Dan I don’t know do you want to think like this is this I want I’m not cutting and I couldn’t get it cuz I’m not saying any edges this is what I wrote hydrophilic and hydrophobic Duality between being good at being between people and being good at being between people and whatever is beyond
this is just a suggestion I don’t smoke part is a psf
please read that again next time I want to try to make sense of hydrophilic and hydrophobic okay Duality between I’m on work so far being being good at being between people I just left I think I know what I meant I can tell you what I meant and being good at being so one side is being good at being between people the other side is being good at being between people and whatever is beyond so you’re either that or not either the membrane of a cell or your the plasmic reticulum your and you didn’t feel like the memory last night I was a membrane cuz I was out in the fucking rail I was like looking out over LA and I was like
I don’t know what happened to one of the guys from Entourage was there probably know I saw him and you were there and I didn’t see you but a guy from Futurama we did we spoke for a while
I are you tonight apologize to you for walking away from you and you must have thought it was a crazy person cuz you don’t remember talking to me at all there are people walking up to all night I was up against the rail there were people constantly walking up to me and saying the nicest things to me and I would talk for five minutes and then they would go I’m going to go talk to Bill Maher like I was Charles Manson at that part I thought I was just bragging all right
I was Charles Mash I don’t want to but here’s the other paragraph I wrote and then I have a little birthday present for you I know it’s not your birthday but you’re getting older like all of us
is that the present reminder of mortality is the next paragraph over a rail to the point where people were tweeting I think Dan Harmon is going to kill himself tonight I’m flattered I wrote this into my Evernote pad a question of significance. A topographic map of significance.
everything has an attribute, every attribute is numerical that means every society has a weighted numerical amount of significance in every element of that Society is significant to the extent that it affects the significance of that Society
good morning sober Dan
you have 1 message from hi Dan to 5:30 I have a special present for you I know you love music tell me you can’t have famous people at harmontown just isn’t a show for famous people to come out no show for famous people to come out this way you have anybody huge on the show tonight
Tenacious D get out of here
where am I
the first part of it
man let me hear you applaud he is more than the man flu
rocking and fucking rolling and fucking rocket
Jack Black in town gas
they’re leaving
there’s probably some stuff if your fans are there she should probably you might want to know about some stuff they’re doing I think and I don’t quite know what it is
Festival Supreme, they’re doing this Festival in October 25th downtown LA amazing people are on it obviously those guys are on it I’m on it but like this like you do you draw some people on it and I kind of think of one person right now you know when it is what it is. Com.org itsopto I just said all that but I’ll say it again I’m drunk October 25th to go to Festival supreme.com get tickets downtown LA amazing Festival like a Fred armisen’s doing something Bill Hader is doing something the Workaholics guys are going to be there are you I am I’m going to get yes I will be there
we spoke last night
it says I was this close to jumping down you want you to think about it sometimes I did Bill Maher Bill Maher last night and I literally got tongue-tied he said hi to me and I couldn’t get the words out cuz I’m so scared of him because you were afraid you’re going to be like no comment I was just hanging out and probably doesn’t care that I mention that he was smoking a joint like a weird
weird to see if Amos face
like a strfkr.
Do stars have intelligence
suffering because it has celebrities is that what you think no no I just want to hang out and talk to me you don’t think that famous people coming up on the show is important I think it really sells the show outs I hope you have nobody else is famous at what
isn’t that fucking special
23 Stayton you’re bitching
I’m trying to get him where do ice it wasn’t Mike for every share thank you very much this is in the way when I should have anyway thanks for coming and Dan Harmon thank you Camille could we could you guys get a little closer is there any way to get them a little closer cuz I don’t feel as connected as I would have been that far away is there any way to scoop you up just a little bit like the space shuttle in the new stages with rotating sitting in a chair like this if we’re not properly placed and you had to improvise are you nervous yet
that was thinking how do I look this good I think I love you people ever been fortunate enough to have a career path where I have friends who have written an SNL and have been and I sent out and it’s like okay institutional, Tina is stupid bullshit right there ever be funny at the same time it’s like holy shit and walking down the halls with his poster of Jared is the only comedic institution that we have in this country that’s lasted as long as it has what I did Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell the guys familiar Dana Carvey Scott show was really considered corny and a hack to have a character with a catchphrase that you
repeat you know but they’re hard to come by or they will isn’t that special
for a people pleaser like you why want to destroy the audience in a condescension is still funny to me even though the character is so half notice it was you know I didn’t have fake tits or anything he was very specific and it’s still very very funny
condescension is funny and she’s the ultimate patronizing it starts with we we like ourselves don’t we can we do the show called pretty now it’s on a thing called Pooh
now it’s just it’s a it’s a Sausage Factory that you can work through any other two later than passive aggressive you know so like houses Bronson and friends are passive aggressive I’m on Arnold. Dennis Miller is Arnold Schwarzenegger everything is organized value on the road and you get to the hotel I just quoting you can you take a shower and you can you put on a light white cotton shirt and and you’re ready for the evening
weeks and weeks and then we came up with the sort of mentally deficient cousins and when we first came out with the padding the audience expects us to be super strong and they found out we were never going to just wait we were paranoid and delusional and we’re fighting imaginary enemies who is imaginary enemy if you think that we cannot properly pumped up men we could cause that’s we’re losers nails
so that was the whole don’t have a cartoon artifice but they’re in active they are cartoon Adventure movie on and
Camille why so quiet from excitement
Clinton County events
you sitting over there with all of your impressions are everyone flocks to do them no one knew how to do an impression of George Bush until you did it I went to school the next day I told you backstage like I I was in sophomore year I remember I could tell you the color of the wall I could tell you what was on the jock straps on the floor when I gained respect from the guys that would have otherwise been beating me up because I did my huge air quotes my impression of Jimmy Stewart Jimmy Stewart and then the Jacksonville right I knew that you what you told me
absolutely, I hear your version.
If I worked for 20 years there’s nothing funnier and a visceral comic sense and Jimmy Stewart swearing so
my first bit ever in the seventies in college you know doing stand-up voxxclub something familiar anyway I am I’m doing what I can you start as a waiter.
could you want to go slow and going to tell you this. You sell your don’t know what you want to order so you’re going to make me wait
a wild fox
it’s always a million of those things and like we fucking stood on your shoulders I would go to high school everyday and I would be the funny guy in high school because I didn’t pressions of your impression Jimmy Carter from a relationship with SNL when you were like how old were you I need some Peppa know I was 20 21 22 23 24 or whatever and it was just new shows of rain over here these Pirates to me you know John Belushi and Bill Murray and those guys that they would beat you up or make you laugh so
you guys out there and win over trying to get on the show meeting the two times you went out there to New York on the stage in front of me though was one of the worst ever get this okay The Comedy Store Saturday Night Live people are out there so I gave you for two years before I got the show one, after another no MC just in time Sam Kinison goes up in his prime who I thought was maybe the best stand-up ever arguably the best and if ever just Roy’s dismantles levitates the room I’m off to the side and I go up I’m going in that special things that you dead silence I’ll never be on Saturday Night Live I’m an ass-whole
and I still didn’t get the show so I didn’t you know
give me in the middle of that like that you go out when you audition for SNL there’s absolutely no from what I’ve heard there are eight people sitting in the back of a dark room they’re instructed not to laugh their video cameras pointed at you everywhere and yet you know because you’ve walked past the writers room on your way to the audition you fully know that there is a feed to the writers room you could see that there is a room full of sarcastic narky writers who are watching every audition in their own room if you walk past that reality and walk out onto a dark stage yes I do it thrust playing the piano and doing these things and then there was a pause in like nor done and three other people and Lawrence at all you have anything else that we could see the real thing or are you just going to do that
I realize I’m going to keep chopping broccoli broccoli chopped. Chopped broccoli the broccoli would be diced at this point you so much that you just cry and go off it would be that you would stumble bum cuz they’re flipping Credit Union credit card reading for people who are good at it as opposed to people who could be part of a yeah you know it was the first three ores it’s just ridiculous I mean you see how people go out there you don’t really know that it’s in the card you don’t know you’re like the shows under rehearse you don’t want to look like you’re reading the cue card so if I was doing a scene with you and it’s like hey let’s go get some milk I know there’s a card over there so I didn’t want to just do this for bed
rabbits come back and fill her they were testing for that in any store in The Improv always bummed I didn’t get us now it came around again in 86 Rosie O’Donnell was playing on the west side I can I go there an audition for the show cuz Lorne Michaels was going to see me so she allowed me to come in and do like 40 minutes in a room like this and Lauren showed up remember I’m not on TV I’m scared with Cher and the president of the network at the time it okay that really helped me get the shell back to talk to share
I never really liked her. I don’t have like a really good Sharon pression I don’t know
it’s based on someone else’s oh yeah you want me to how about Jimmy explains the banking crisis
cuz all I ever knew he was from It’s a Wonderful Life mr. Potter look around and they package. Mendel investment vehicle kind of like a security said now and then after but they knew they were bad
so they did a thing they shorted them today so they win if they win
can you put together well
okay now this is the first time making Jimmy Stewart contemporary it really is kind of that simple it feels like you’re going to take a request mode so I’ll do it I’ll do it but I would happen if Ted Kennedy
when I returned Mary Jo and the car was on
if Ted Kennedy when it got got into a hotel room and found out that Kirk Douglas had the same hotel room and that they because they both over but I deal with Burt Lancaster and I don’t really like blue humor and the sense of anal penetration and the old-fashioned vernacular apply to sexual situations to mail Macho Superstar icons as lovers here we go this is what may Jon Lovitz throw up in a parking lot
the meaning of each other this you mean cuz you was laughing so hard I want you I want you very bad it doesn’t mean one or two men having fun
I’m inside you now
I want you inside me
and I know you do I want I don’t want you
I want it all all right son slow down
don’t keep walking around like that you keep talking around like that I got to pull out and splurge
can’t do this on Fallon because choppin broccoli is the comedic version of Dancing in the Dark Bruce Springsteen up, do I have to do it with an orchestra or this last time I don’t know if you saw it but I only did it once on SNL and I did it the very first show right before the end of special right in this is probably I think the median age is probably 25 and I think that probably was out doing a lot of math I think that puts them around the age when I was 10 years old Martin Short was like yeah that’s how I learned about, I think the irony is that actually in SML terms
Lord Michaels wasn’t even there every salt used grade school and I would do everything with Martin Short did that at my happiness extended to high school I was still doing you not going to do it I’m not going to drop at the church earlier and being a date with me and it was
I’m Robin Leach and I’m yelling and I don’t know why that is really an 80s reference probably the later on
hahaha
very good let me tell you this is Regis Philbin Tai Baby 7 you’re the best I love Regis I love what you have going on here Jack slaven or whatever you and I love you all your slow it down
stop over the kids are enjoying these got it got it.
I don’t want to keep you better in the good part obviously some people better than others are fantastic when did you realize you could do that I could alter my voice literally really it was when we had a The Beatles came on at Sullivan I was nine years old and we had a Colliers encyclopedia LP at where the Beatles are being interviewed so the first altering of my voice when I was 9 years old I have three older brothers and younger sister was I was I was able to my mom so that was the first boy you been getting fucking pancakes ever since I don’t know
you know it’s really who we all know you have a little Gooby gooby I mean it’s cuz McCartney is the most humble genius in the world you know he won’t go if you go potty I just want to say you’re sitting here as you know I want to look at him he’s looking at me I’m a punk in a while and that’s how we came up with Ivy Road
what is the comfortable yeah I do it for myself this is not a monosyllabic thing is comforting for me because I tend toward anxiety but like he would say he go there I just saw this comment area Dan Harmon writer superb Community money
you can hang out all night as far as I’m concerned but already but you taking requests Little Owl very quickly
curling iron
Mike Myers came in with with Wayne and then he asked me to be a sidekick you said his name is Garth that’s the way any Diggs Wayne and I thought I saw where those kind of Peter Sellers glasses and then really have a construct for the surfer dude nerd kind of thing which is how I wake up and pushing too hard yeah I don’t feel guilty that I was in the movie that Garth just Garth just got puke so and I’m 38 playing the character and so the attack was we got to cover my 5:00 shadow I’m not Richard Nixon but if you watch
first movie I was very light makeup so they tried to cover my shadow by the time they did that then they kicked it on so I look I look like an orange Buddy Davis in the second movie and then my performance but what does that have to do with this is what’s fascinating to me about you self-effacement your self-awareness your accountability in right in the face of being a fucking icon who is this guy doesn’t like like I did Jim Carrey you haven’t come out here yet but I think there’s a kind of architect that we have in our heads were like oh this guy that comes out and makes it really happy this clown at but you’re right smart and so hungry and so almost to the point of like that you say stuff like that there was really good stuff that I like that I did here and there but most of it was disappointing your fault
first movie I mean I did I trusted the Rhythm in the first movie based on my brother my brother who does I took the Rhythm from my brother week he would love to come he’s welcome to he’s great at it and he had this rhythm in this was the best rhythm of Garth and then the second movie you know it just became more cartoony and I just lost that thread and I was pushing and blame yourself for fucking with you too I do too I guess I am orange I am orange and I’m pushing and I’m in the first movie I had some very nice moments where I stayed in this Rhythm I think this is the core of Garth and I look at what the fuck happened to me that I pushed in the second movie maybe it was the
I know you said in the greater are you sleeping will you stay for just a little bit
yeah can I bring my
Jeff
what strike has fucker Jeff

play Imagine you driving here reading what the fuck is going on Tenacious D champ we started without you know what I was going to say is
naked naked happens to podcast you can talk to
before you leave Dana I wanted you to talk to the love of my life like yourself deprecation it’s it’s too far it’s too much on Facebook that I destroyed Wayne’s World 2
it was this is Mike Myers has been telling you I was at here’s a story okay if you get something they’re going to spend the budget so the first movie we had 12 million and 36 days so she was a president should be babraham Lincoln right now so we can make fun of corporate profiteering and never mind the second movie we have
are suddenly have a loft that is a $500,000 lie member walking into a what happened to The Humble little to write the movie I’m basically an another thing I regret I did the ark with Kim Basinger I did not not the movie the guards the guards parts for the most part but you have never done anything wrong
you are the first to understand that you’ve never done anything wrong the first one was really good I mean inflation-adjusted like a 275 million inflation-adjusted Carly why do you think did it why did feel different making that movie you said it’s a bigger budget my face was orange I mean the first timer on the car we had an hour to shoot that Abraham Lincoln Mike’s laughing on laughing it’s just like you know almost a full day to shoot us hanging out on the car with like 55 takes of different camera angles so I mean that’s all.
looking back on Wayne’s World do a bad day I cannot apologize for any other regrets I have lights what’s up baby
losing my fucking mind I like my hero I just I can’t deal with Myers Street Lancaster
menu famous people I can’t so
there are I’m not completely sure it’s not start the price of the car since I did with Phil there’s a lot of stuff I did like and I like the first Wayne’s World but second one
uh oh
backdate I told you I really like you and I said the words I don’t care about how you feel about this emotionally I don’t but I like you so much
Utah to my woman backstage
oh yeah I really want you to email account
Krispy Kreme Dana High School
and I told Dana backstage that when when his first HBO special came out in 95
yeah I recorded it with my little tape player kids are used to be these boxes with tape inside them I recorded it and me and my brother both had copies of it and when we would walk to school we look at each other for two years we would look at each other and be like you listen to Dana Carvey special on the way to school together and I was like I feel like I may have written in your diary
do all that makes me feel like I wish I’d tried harder to derail the overwhelming feeling I have when I hear you talk about yourself cuz I don’t think you’re fishing for it I think your guy that worked really really hard from it cuz we didn’t even talk about the fact that you were on this Meg Ryan sitcom with you are public Consciousness was like oh you were an SNL and then you were in SML and then they were you worked your entire life you tried to make people laugh the entire time and you never stopped and I do I think that there’s a million people that we look at publicly and we go do that guy that he thought he was something and then that’s why he did this it was like you were church lady and you were humming Franz and you were doing the shit and then everyone loved you America love you
and then there were a couple of movies where you were like with Nicolas Cage and you were going to hang out I’m a cat burglar and it was sad movies on some clean slate is a fucking great movie
being is good
I was told him I I just was disappointed in my I did not I grew up very humble High School teacher 586 when I was doing stand-up I took everything they gave me and because I have the reverse dumb blonde affect like I had a little teen I don’t think going I had blond hair and I thought I was a kid I don’t like although I will say if I’m going to lose my fiance to anybody what is this with my Yahoo mail account I would email myself and you guys have done this before I like set yourself for you to shake your head
I’m not really looking for people like you and looking for other people they’re like yes I don’t need you to say no
I’m glad I’m glad they’re getting married but I just kind of got to know this Dynamic and it seems like Perfection it’s really like immediately jumped into couples counseling us upon meeting us at 4:30 has the key
I am with my Yahoo mail account and an account I’ll mail myself a diary entries basically it just like I had a feeling that maybe I talked about David Harvey in one of these entries that I searched his name in my Yahoo mail and an email and it’s very short and I would like to Rita this is you as a teenager I feel like this is your cousin why I’m so sick 17 years ago 16 years after the special to do anything when 9/11 happened
hey none of us were that’s true everything changed everything changed
Usher
good point Canal we were all children before then we were all 16 16 yeah all right
read it read it what the fuck is my heart and I would only feel comfortable reading this on stage
what Dana Carvey
subject in a car be my fiance I’m not going to I’m just going to read I’m taking this to myself because I’m going to read through this and I’m not going to editorialize because I will feel compelled to do so because I don’t think I sound very smart just just presented and will will judges
that’s that tradition As Old As Time
really thought that we were friends but isn’t very excited
oh God
but I’m working I’m working thought things
can I get you right now here is personal and real thought to be an artist
in all caps
some old Jamal Dean artifacts like play the noble end of create Joy
did it kindness and performance absence of personal need but because you sacrifice your pride for the audience’s joy to make people laugh and all caps this is what I asked if this is what is important this is what I aspire to this is what I promised
that’s it
please let him know when you see him
how does sidewalk that
but nothing bad was ever his fault all he ever wanted to do is make everyone happy that’s all he ever wanted
I think they succeeded so you
forgot email that email was about you wrote that about Dana Carvey in Wayne’s World
you know he really fucked that movie yet
holidays gone home I blame it all I’m coming down there tomorrow but I mean I just wanted more Wayne and less guard to add Jeff is Jeff is Jeff you you you realize you got here late
all right brother that is not true Tenacious D was here
it’s all honesty very inspiring to hear him talk like that being as you know done so much amazing stuff if he has and he still has so much I will get oh I don’t know people come traipsing out here at what is there music playing this music play I had a great nap
I thought that was just in my head there is no it’s it’s it’s a really big for me I don’t think like Martin sure if Martin sure Trevor to come by and I think I would like but like 10 presents like for me my adolescent years that represents the idea that we’ve all had that all we want to do we get up in the morning if there’s there’s those of us who decide I just want to write do makeup make chairs build the build decks to design dump trucks act to start coordinate whatever I want to make other people happy and make so many people laugh without hurting any better he’s not a Kumail as I stay in the bed
funny is a sharp sword I feel like what I’m laughing at Kumail I’m a laughing at me like I’m laughing at a fear for me I really take on the cripples
how do you spell PC know I would say that you’re tough but
just means they’re like ants hurt it does
does Kimber Hall
well she she she sprained her ankle partying people identify themselves so I don’t think anybody’s PC crippled
no she’s not no one would call and be like hey do you have an elevator I’m a cripple nobody would say that you have a rabbit say I’m crippled know I’m just here like you say I am crippled all right well it’s like midget it was it was okay for a while and then it gets I’d like like you know it’s not because he’s offended because he’s walking out professional experts Spencer Crittenden
hey hey hey guys hey Spencer you’re probably the youngest guy up here do you what’s your relationship with Dana Carvey I don’t know him I mean he was in the car using the back room for a while I said a couple of words to Jesus he’s obviously my use of the word crippled people who are in wheelchairs and that’s inappropriate the best way is across the line now it was yeah it was a Charles Dickens thing but that was a long time ago 1809
I want the society for the advancement of handicapped people is not the name for the Society of trying to talk about
you talk about I’m trying to talk about it it used to be called like the international Society for cripples and they changed it like it definitely used to be like that, specially abled person differently
I’m at last I’m the last person who puts Tasker that’s obviously have made myself a Target but if we do it for the best reason in the world why we we are all against as human beings were all against humanization so the minute that you would come up with a word that can sum up anybody and people start to use it to refer to people at like as a group as an object then we start to get uncomfortable so we move the goalposts, go to like things out and more work does referring to like when you can’t move temporarily then your crippled ass have a problem differently-abled people that I’m sorry I’m sorry everybody started was fine for a long it’s also technically accurate is just not the right one to use National Association for the advancement of colored people at my grandma calls black people colored people
to the extent that there is a institution or institutions move more slowly you can’t what are you going to do and going to change the NAACP it’s it it’s and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the word colored but the words take on it just like like like they they adhere to social customs and so my grandma looks out the window and she goes there’s a colored fellow corner at a dead end they know better
it’s people were temporarily disabled crap I didn’t realize the policing language we keep changing our language and we keep not changing the class system we keep not changing the way we live our fucking life we keep not changing the way things are yeah my grandma looks out the window goes as a colored guy on the corner of oh well let’s make the word colored bad that’ll change my fucking grandma know it will not change my grandma death will change my grandma
colored colored let’s kill your grandma Reed person
and now it’s over problem solved but nothing other than that will solve the fucking problem and nothing other than violence have ever solved any fucking problem ever since he’s yelling at me
powerful he would be illegal
that being said I’m a millionaire and I would really like to die in peace
homeless guy out of your parking lot
and I felt terrible I like better right right I just sleep in the fucking parking lot wrong
do we invade every four years old guy with the blue hair while call the fucking Empire we we we play a game in this country we finally have that we have a great time for that guy
I fucken love that guy he never did anything wrong to anybody I’m going to go home tonight broken-hearted because he’s thinking about Wayne’s World 2
man who never did anything wrong I heard that he stopped someone getting arrested in the parking lot as I handsome Pakistani are you know when you when you do a lot of stuff you equate that with a lot of money but that’s rude
it’s a fucking fundamental lie
have you ever talked to anybody job is to tell other people what to do those people acid test talk to everybody that you’ve ever talked to what’s your fucking job if it’s only telling other people what to do fuck you fuck that person governments bulshit all right now though you’re telling people I’m telling him to go running be flipped over
leave my Mansion alone I was on your side I have a Goldendoodle and I love him
I just I’m 41 leave me out of it but you’re 25 burn down the fucking white house go do it
Santa. Yeah it’s decent Maricela I would put him in the poet laureate of the Moon, day would come out and then I would go now the church lady I need to come out and go that’s coming from right now
this is this couples counseling stuff I’m excited
Camille always comes to her sessions by the way yeah I kind of I kind of am like the height man for their sessions like tell me how you feel
all right what were you you were asking Kemal have his career was going to government
what are the going to do and I’m very excited I was I was just wondering how come males travels were and then I also ask Dan where his asked I asked Dan were his anger was coming from I remember that I have a question for Jeff I saw I’m bringing up a different thing I saw throwback Thursday picture that you posted of you at 11. Most of everything you are a gorgeous kid and you’re a gorgeous man but like at 11 you look like that no wonder you’re going around talking to strangers honestly I don’t mean that in a bad way my mom told him I had my nose look like an eggplant and I didn’t know what it was until she took me to the store and pointed it out
you are ready to leave it with your origin story so I don’t want to talk to anybody
if his eyes his eyes are like sapphires Mountain for pedophiles and cheekbones I don’t want this to sound weird by the way modeling as other New York doing a pleasant and play it was The King and I
he’s doing it right now in New York Times magazine your smile and your eyes are puffy photos is at their sexual because it looks like you’re looking through the camera and you’re like yeah
Super Shadow child
I know you’re an adult now so if that’s okay
please don’t have an eleven-year-old me
I do think that when Spencer comes that’s how it sounds I’m coming
that happened when he goes to the fridge other than violence is just
that happened I’m coming that happened
and you do some sort of action with your hands which symbolizes rolling a diet are like not effective
I’d like she’s like my parents are coming here like your Medicare man right now
get your gear but you’re better coming if it is I would you like it and he goes like yeah I know what are the some of the times when I was just a jewelry had sex with that it for years old
20 show Girls
what do you mean I’ve never put my penis inside a woman if I was 24 years old
icon Casanova I was a late bloomer I I know we saw you as an 11 year old
I look at that picture of you at 8 and I’m like I want to sit on that eight year olds fake I felt the same way
just text reality at 8 surpasses sexuality is that when I see if that happened the judge would be like
pretty please wear that windbreaker
also hashtag rape culture yay harmontown goodnight
I’m very glad you were right now I wouldn’t wear those eyelashes
I talked about the eyelashes as seen Jeff Davis at 8 years old
11:11 wish this was the picture I saw was 11 years old I mean there’s a reason
there is a reward I wasn’t

when I was 4 I think I’m not even quite not quite for like the baby may be like almost 4 I went to preschool and the first day of pre-school. It’s the first time as it as a human being I was around other kids that you didn’t know you went to a building there was a killer and I remember Dr vividly and when when the class was over we took a nap so major on chalkboards a good visit and then went was over we all ran out and they was over all the parents are outside and there’s a big guy grass lawn and all the kids we all ran out with bats coming out of a cave cuz you’re so wound up being around other human beings are you have to have a popsicle able to grab her by the back of the head leaned over and kissed her Gone With the Wind style and then pushed her down in the grass
and that’s kind of it my MOS is left
that’s your dating history
play night Romance
20 years between the kissing and the pushing down but that’s basically what we’re all doing
I thought of the adults and then I can I started when I was 9 when I when I got into the King and I know you’ve been doing it for years you did that I did it for her from 9 to 11 was close I was 11 years old and I are at the Pantages here in La when I was nine and there were seven girls that were the the kids in the show like Asian girls that was a King’s Daughters there 7 days in a row and then we went on tour
where did you fall into that I was an Asian kid there’s one white kid in the king and Isaac the son of Anna or you’re the one white kid to her everything
is it going to be in that year and a half because it’s hard to keep the kids up to be like the white kid had to put on really bad Asian makeup every every night like they admit they made it look orange really and then the eye makeup and she was really shity move on from this was still here but he had to plan Asian kid why because they had a free kid on the sets and they were just so he could be anybody there can be white for a narrative reason or the story of The King and I is a is a British woman goes to Siam it was not Thailand to instruct the King of Siam in like modern like Western Way
I’m sorry that it’s now the story red
no it’s like it’s like a boring guy dinner scene in the kids like 6 and 7 years old up to 13 that the intellect we traveled with seven kids and we would go to town to be seven new girls every city he went don’t derail so we go to town and the girls wouldn’t travel with you but the boys were seven kids traveled three of them were boys for the girls and then we would get like 14 new kids half of which were boys and go and we went to play Truth or Dare we invented the game and I want to taught us this week
thank you for the game for the world order Bolt
good like you do what you want man you know who you are you going to the bathroom
he’s going to get some gas you hurt your leg skateboarding
you ran into a stare so he’s a cripple cuz it’s a temporary thing we really know that how it works
I want to go back I was talking to somebody else we would make a Kissing Bandit all throughout my life I kissed every but I was like like and then I just never had sex with 24 however when I was 4 years old in preschool take it easy he got the chips that he said he was going to get and now he’s opening up and what’s expected surprise
did the might do the Mike pick that up those are allowed to spit that out loud I thought that that was just I’m so sorry please continue the story
jalapeno jalapeno no more for this kid this kid he lived his life open chips allowed to pick up users hit people’s feet
I work now please good rest area was there and they’re like this is just a hallway just ran into the it was like Looney to someone who floor on the stairs and he just ran into it
really when you say I ran into a spare that’s not acceptable information otherwise next week
There’s Only 8 people with crutches opening chip bags really loud like my friend they got to put the prints they had the Asian dude there’s two kids leads in The King and I can’t talk about it anymore I met this guy is like a Pringles commercial so loud what flavor are there jalapeno he still is he still has a child
everybody be quiet and just eat one more chip just everybody be dead quiet
working a lot for their potato chips can you hear that in America as a podcast not answer yet he has a paper projecting the bound of the other kid and he was like he was thirteen and he he would be jerked off in front of us all right let’s do. Thanks for coming tonight but I hope you enjoyed last 4 years old how old were you
we have dressing rooms and we went all the way the truth or dare started it was I had like a Halls like men you were like what shall we do with our time I’ve got an idea I had a cough drop we just did they were there boys there were girls and then if we all knew we didn’t know what was going on we just knew that something must happen it was over there was something I could take a cough drop and Cathy is that the girls are in the show and it did say they were nine years old like I was a cough drop from 1 miles to the other Jesus Christ that these names are like from a math textbook
VI but you read cough drops
she can suck a menthol off a lozenge
our tutor our tutor who is a very beautiful woman named Bridget that she told our parents we have to give these kids sex education we’re all like the average age is 9 years old so you guys are just going around laying on each other
we didn’t tell them so when it gets a bit later on we are leaving Washington DC like was at about 11 we found a bunch of foreign mags under a bed in a hotel room and be like oh like you doing this wrong
call Rob Swift tiny desk without any instruction when I was 4 years old we played doctor and I guess what I was our teacher mrs. new house with leave the preschool room desk and Jeffrey and Craig we would take a girl I never did watch with all your clothes off why don’t you take your clothes off everyone will be watching the nurses and the rather doctor is the girl will take us to take our clothes off and I would I would touch her boobs and butt touch your pussy and I’ll touch everything
yeah these are all doctor Terrace
playing doctor Community are a resident pressure like when they check for the gallbladder to hurt hear it wasn’t sexy we just knew that there was boys and girls were different and we’re just old enough to recognize those differences so we invented for us playing doctor with the thing that kids do like two games now well I can understand the world
I invented Four Corners I don’t know if you’ve all played that what I don’t know if you later alligator
he told me he fucking invented it and I knew he was lying and I had no choice then after I mastered peanut butter I moved on to fruits and everybody Gloria naked on his desk and me and Jeffrey Kim and Craig where is 1969
really you guys are going to boo the use of the word trim it’s not a desirable at that age
okay, question but you can get 24 we’re hearing about all the sexual experiences that you had and you don’t have to answer this in a few sentences could you quantify the 21st because obviously you’re very sexy man
yes I I can tell me a really little late it was a little late Junior High and high school as times when if I knew what was going on and if I could have read the signals invented games
weren’t you Christian woman first it was me being like late bloomer and being terrified of girls and also let me go to use the wrong word
but I’m still a good guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah by the way she she she would have cheerleader and she was very beautiful and apples I was terrified of her
math math textbook show
I never wanted to know how long it would take to get we never even kissed I had girlfriends that I’ve never kissed because I thought my brother’s friends were two years older than me and then I said it was this guy it was his name really tall am I
I thought that you have sex with girls what would be the highest insult that they wouldn’t want it that’s really rude like now so I was I was a really really I don’t think of anything you could do to apologize every time he really is a true that shouldn’t happen thank you thank you very much and sorry I’m so late thank you sorry sorry
how did I walk backwards out of the room
so sorry I had to ask is that there’s no clock behind you what time what time is it
Big Show brought to you by 4 year old trim I’m sorry I use the word trim it’s a girl
I’m sorry I use the word and I want to apologize and part of the mail for using the c word why didn’t you make that was 800 Tylenol with codeine I just got mixed in there it did that’s why he disappeared he used his Amulet of shadow of War all day all right. Give me give me give me some quirks and again for a holla just the real quick just tell me the year and we won’t talk about it for years been with my family and do it I’ve never had sex I became abstinent but I was just standing or something that I accidentally abstain from a long time
I would date girls never like really like foreplay I got it that’s all you’re going to get I was I was asking and a similar program called True Love Waits and my excuse I never did she waited for amazing
I’m so sorry
thank you thank you all right
when we last met Our Heroes hit just fended off flaming goblins in the gym bugs in the purple Canyons after looting a power still activated who the game gang of logy due to its damage logic or the baby spoke of a place that it was designed to locate although it was not designed to locate it very effectively end the damage logic or prevented it from recalling what or where it was looking for but as they spoke Sharpie smelled up funky sack and realize his bag he emptied the contents of flaming Goblin named Justin and after some interrogation determined that the robot’s power cord was from the air City
Anderson flying machine the game was unsure of how to proceed but
but Justin suggested they get some Arrow Hawks then Tylenol with codeine piped up and disappeared right afterwards so it was off to Rosebrook if the nearby Village susceptible to pillage to plan their next move
the air City where was the set City the air city and what dangers might Rose
and one of the robot baby find out now on and all new harmontown
that’s good shift Spencer so I never was very good to me while I was riding it that is very hard to summarize all the weird shit that happens and it will actually listen to you guys is for I don’t know who it’s for to be honest I don’t know what’s going on I hope you’re holding on our way to Rosebrook
look like outside of the city you can see it you can see it
you’re right by a town that is as Rose booked cuz we’re having a babies walking with us I think so I think my is my mic working to a bit it did for a bit it’s good now you solve the problem I have the baby the babies
fucking Soupy Sales came out
Ricky Martin we had that you weren’t you slept in I said I have a great nap alright she got tired of the baby Christopher if she wants to hold the baby up until this point have been chaotic good has been my Scooby-Doo affiliation I’m feeling chaotic bad then you don’t want not going to give you the baby I just want to be selfish and do things in your argument after baby
I’m what I’m watching I’m watching this conversation when I push them jerking off
okay like for the baby for wedding to get the baby
jacking off like one of Jeff’s 13 year old friends
I am just saying that I am on your side when it comes to 1 and if you’re okay you’re something I know right I got that sounds like a trash can move around so
you you can be here if you’re good I’ll let you have the baby but but
I definitely hear something how does making Jello sound they’re making it and I like the smell of the thing that they’re making it in the trash can so I’m going to go to bed to get this but it’s moving in a different bush
look at the bushes empty we’re fine all right we’re fine I did what happened he didn’t hide very well you he was right in that same bush
what the fuck Sharpie
what is jumping on about the baby I’m making Jello what’s happening you don’t know how good are you the baby you’ll be sorry baby this is not about you logic is that the only voice you have what about my voice has he was making jail we’re looking at you I jerk off during plot points
that’s my fetish I’m get turned on by points when the story changes when we need you most as you’re jerking off. That’s what turns me on about it
because that wasn’t a plot point is they should have been avoiding the first time because I’m going to come in my fucking pants all right all right all right though I’m going to say is that’s what it’s all about for me is you jerking off in the threshold on here and I can finish I don’t know it wasn’t meant to be
can you get the baby I don’t want I don’t want to be a part of this okay find a beach let’s go to the Village to Village making Jello you just threw fluid in a bowl it sounds like metal spoon not intimate with Jenn Herman okay sure it’s all metal Middle School
it’s just a string of gelatinous fluid I take back that I was masturbating I’m sorry I want I want Spencer to take take let’s go I know there’s nothing important no don’t worry about it nothing to like I don’t know nothing
Village happy little butt on the path before you you see it looks like a stopped a horse and carriage surrounded by a green skin men on the top of the carriage there’s a little must be a no more halfling standing on top of it like I swing in a sack like a weapon is his expression friendly he’s back is toward these guys are it seems like these guys are robbing it was too we should I think run up and disrupt this and help the poor man who’s being attacked by the green skin men right don’t you guys are sneaky I’ll go out and cause a diversion you sneak up and flank flank the guys play in the sack I will take a look at what has watched going to do with me long time
don’t worry about logic
they have to wait what do we say what do you say should we don’t worry about that Jesus Christ so fucking horrible how large are you jerking off in the corner that’s not happening after jerking off in a bus
I go I go I go up to the to the to the left side of the sky isn’t like I kind of have an idea what goes on you see you see stixx works there they’re menacing a guy stand that little-known man standing atop his Carriage he’s like how do you say a tapas Carriage Carriage Place he’s a top I can’t risk the Orcs are attacking this if I could have told you that his own size and I’m also sure
that’s right there and I have the baby which is also about your size right recipe for your death
I can’t believe we made our play there’s a bunch of Orcs attacking America
what are your girls what your ass is kids or what I know you’re on your way. Been trying to pull yourself together
I don’t think he ever came can I can’t care I’m sorry it was okay so the biggest of the biggest of the Orcs he raises a large golden what is it an ax ax above his head and brings it down to the floor and his Orcs charge what you guys need to fucking learn how to approach a city how much days are in a can we come in Sharpie the off chance that there’s going to be bad guys I’m just roll up and go fuck your mother fuc everybody I didn’t exactly what happened
but we were Prix to them and they’re okay I’m going to kill them all now that neither charging if I’m getting the fight or get out answer
I mean I’m fine with that I like that better and I’m going to fire that as the head cork over the minions first right they’ll die easier minion is close to me closest to me
yellow arrow from your bow you blast two arrows from your bow the first one smashes them in the face dealing fix damaged we just got here we just got to New York going to be at work but you hit in the face it dies causing your second Arrow to miss
a feeling that I forgotten over this
someone else go and I go for the next closest are rib and Dagger Aruba not have the money Crystal Sword and then
sauerkraut thousand island in the city that we couldn’t where’s your dick you freaking raging about the government is you’re going off on a bush so I can I hear ya
when did you lose your nerve Sharpie
okay I lost my nerve
so yeah I might do that I might my character might go off and kill himself
what do you think about that I think that I don’t think you have the guts
I tell you to go I dare you to go kill yourself for you
what was the only way you can win is by killing yourself
I mean it’s better than they’re being a problem with everything that’s happening at every part you guys don’t you guys doing it works right now cuz we came up to the city am I in
right you still delivering Camille’s damn that’s what happened what do you think what do you think is happening right now in the game we came up to a city brand new city and we started attacking them all right this is out of turn when we walked up walked up there with a stagecoach with a paper Works attacking him and I and I came up and said hey what goes and we with Chris de Burgh blinking around the side and they turn to us and start attacking me I’m sorry
when we spoke last night for like 40 minutes on outside
and I didn’t I didn’t mean to cut Aronoff I just we went down this path so long it’s like way to go down and again when we can just send it to you stab that guy you need just the arm
and he almost instantly just falls down dead
I feel terrible I feel so there’s a letter
but I take out my sword I stabbed my eyes and I won’t drag the store this is what’s happening I take this to her that I dragged I said both of them hardly see it’s in the sword is in my left eye socket I dragged down to my heart cake mix Jello like I’m making jello
and then drag it down to my stomach and I open up my stomach and I take out my intestines and I make a necklace and I make a little like like goodbye goodbye in my intestine and I die I thought that we were at 2 and I dyed my only question here is my only question how hard are you trying to stab yourself in the eyes I get every letter in my pocket as you’re doing that I say to the baby she would have been a terrible mother
her maternal anything in McAllen
all right
what a cliffhanger rest in peace I really thought we were just coming up to a city I should probably drink Oscar micheaux
Kumail nanjiani Erin mcgathy and then Dana Carvey
I’m just sorry I was late dead harmonies a man thanks very much everybody we love you

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