Episode
Description
Harmon experiences true virtual reality and makes soup, Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel join us for the first time, chimpanzees are monsters and ideal ways to die. Watch the video in HD at harmontown.com/live!
Transcript
Hollywood California is a secret confines meltdown coming back rim
Hermantown
if Naruto
you pronounce RJ Mass services printer Christmas
I just for good measure heart Mayer miss your dad
again
Spencer Orchard check to Jeff for a second hey Jeff, is that your musical choice that was really good
did you drop a chicken tanks you drop the chickens are right now what geopolitical is bothering you the most right now
oh man in the world is bothering Spencer right now the violent gang violence in Mexico for real not a joke
I will prepare the appropriate team music
violence in Mexico
yeah get us up-to-date with what’s going on in Mexico right now shooting everyone all the time there’s just shootouts in the streets I mean it’s just violence non-stop drug wars War on Drugs war on crime you know our War on Drugs isn’t helping I’ll tell you that right now I don’t think stopping the War on Drugs would solve the problem though I’ll be honest
I’ve always said when Anna Warren spiders drugs don’t do your mouth while you’re sleeping
they don’t need only a million eggs and and crawl around with them on their body and its scattered they don’t have tiny green Reflections in their eyes that you can see if you shine a flashlight I’ve been reading a lot this weekend because I was I was supposed to keep from writing are like so like I would our avowed like investigating going down to the rabbit hole of Sandy Hook conspiracy theories I when I was like I was like you’d rather you just your your your in your you’re surrounded by dead children like like in your mind rather than working like what is the latest what was the leading conspiracy theory on Sandy Hook I’m sorry but you’re bad people
here’s the thing some people love their guns so much that you did earlier like the 20 kids for your gun in there like they’re like well that’s a lot of kids too bad that hasn’t happened just happened there like show me a picture
show me a picture of the 20 kids and we’re like that’s gross and they’re like no gun like a conspiracy or traded by 2 because the end result is like anything that would service ultimately for instance anti-gun agenda then you can just write backwards your conspiracy you can Rube Goldberg to even need to do that because you can just go hi how come this woman’s name is Cheerio but when you look at the Cheerios box it says no trans fat bad but then look at what this guy and CNN is saying like there’s a fine line between conspiracy theory passion and just absolute schizophrenia-like just just noticing connect it’s connecting. Slick do you do you have a conspiracy that you a thing that you think that there might be a conspiracy because I haven’t researched
idea that was the original plan was actually a terrorist William Randolph Hearst and the DuPont company that the reason hot was vilified was because hemp would have made paper cheaper and didn’t need to be chemically treated by Dupont the right way and I was like the pot I like the pot stuff by I believe that stuff like the real conspiracy is that you can track all drug legislation in the United States to like there was a crazy depressing documentary about it the the the drug policy is linked like kind of inexorably throughout our history to racial politics so like if you have a lot of Chinese labor in your country it’s like it’s you know opium becomes illegal because there’s a culture to this drug that they bring in with them it’s something that there that they’re using that they brought with them you you make it illegal to you’re effectively making it possible to kick in their doors anytime you want
or do anything you want like like that the drug policy May has always made a handy like like leash on any group that we wanted to to like just have extra power over give it you have a pet conspiracy theory no no I mean not that I would imagine is outlandish enough to be entitled that but yeah I know I’m sorry if I don’t know what do you think that we’re getting away with right now
but yet I feel like I don’t worry for the cameras are you saying that you think that everything’s fine that that that that that there’s no there’s no conspiracies in the world that we’re not getting away with anything I mean I’m sure there’s lots of conspiracy I just don’t know about him corruption all over Asia right just in the government
Blake do on be called conspiracies I mean I don’t have witness it fixed but if you can give me some options play some Asian Kryptonite
I just bribed people they do housing projects and that means there’s just a legal stuff like you read about it
I’m a syllable guy I like syllables I like to notice when things will fit in GameChanger I already talked about in The Green Room here’s a new segment called I talked about in The Green Room
Ida VR technology is here Jeff it’s here it’s here it’s here it’s the valve valve has one they have crossed the Finish Line in the first leg of the race to have consumer-level VR be amazing like I just finished I came from Justin Roiland house and he has like the one of those valves things he’s like a developer or a valve valve valve is a valve is a video game company that that that they’ve always been like on the bleeding edge Jeff the Killer anything at the bleeding edge of their their their their age was was was razor sharp and caused a lot of bleeding now
do we have gotten to the point cuz of Virtual Technology their edges now bleeding like they don’t even need to cut things anymore
Captain I trust him with my life that’s hot that’s the ship they’re running at valve
they’ve always been there I I said this is not if this is that a paid statement like I
about daddy’s face of Walter Mitty
I know episode title Toto I’m just saying like like okay I’ve tried all the other shit like like the like. I’m not going to name names because like there’s going to be a fucking Sugg like war between these VR companies in Lake valves going to win I put on the goddamn helmet and I was tucking into a virtual reality
it’s not what you got me do you evolve put on the things where you’re kind of like how it hurts my brain but I guess I’m kind of in a Swiss Villa like 8 it’s like you and I like I’ve tried everything and I walk out to just feeling awkward and embarrassed because it hasn’t it’s like still like the 90s and it’s like okay yeah I guess I guess what you’ve accomplished here is you have figured out a way to make a plastic helmet that that has the equivalent of a iPhone in front of my face when I look through it I could experience an app that you can you create a terrible feeling really sad really sad for all the people spend billions of dollars there’s children Starving in probably Asia for sure right yeah
all the officials are taking their food then you put this shit on it’s like putting a sock on your head but if it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s over Jeff it’s over with crosses the threshold and I’m telling you you make soup that’s not that’s not a lie I’m telling you that’s what you do you make soup and the whole time you’re making soup you like the fridge in the microwave and you’re like you’re like just fucking jam and shit with your hands and it’s just like the other and they’re like others like a thing that’s like you need to make soup and it’s like two carrots got to go in and you look there’s the carrots in another chair that you can like fucking open the fridge of the other hand can’t catch Harry you drop it in the pot you make soup can you make soup wrong or right like there’s a way to measure with you made the suit right in a row you’ve put the right ingredients into the into the
whatever container requires that thing we met but then after a while you take the pot you try throwing it at the robot that’s telling you to make soup but it’s like it hits it in your like Jesus
not even a game there’s no score there’s no countdown there’s no pressure on an iPad and I play games where I’m like like you know Natalie is 4 in the morning
this is like a verifiable way that they say okay you made it the best Reuben of all time or are you just eventually or what I’m saying is if the reality of making up sandwiches like they’re it’s not your ability to interact with an actual virtual environment that is only previously good. I like movies like a stack of bread
you can walk over and grab and care of the fucking care if you chop the care of it I bet you could but I didn’t feel that you’re you’re you’re investigating a soup simulator as if like are like like wait if you can’t chop it up yet whatever the reason I do what I want to know why I’m telling you the thing that’s going to blow your mind is too has nothing to do with how accurately it simulates making soup I’m saying you make soup you did like a doesn’t matter if it’s not like like making soup looks like you make soup but dude and word
first of all done dropping it by my house Pacific do you get an onion and you cut the onion. I’m telling you it’s no more sophisticated on the love rubbing an onion in a pot
this is the crazy thing about it is it’s not it’s no Minecraft is like Lo-Fi and high function that’s exactly it okay for proving my point for wandering into my demons out anyways whatever roller is it your body right now it’s still just like we sticks basically like but they have their own but they can easily it’s just a matter of expenditure you know like like they can easily make like you know that easily you like based on what you’re doing like it’s a really cheap like fighting gloves that you could like crap
dropping a carrot
what if it would have blood flies I can you try and I bet that’s possible I didn’t try I was under 5 minutes
if you have a real life you hold it to your truck you just pass out and die right
virtual reality is loopable suicide
I mean believe me where we’re coming up on crazy days like like we’re going to we’re going to go right talk about Whiplash we’re going to go from the days of and I’m not making fun of anybody for I’m not I’m not I’m not one of these the guys it’s like I was one of these guys and now I’m not I’m old and I’m tired I accept your triggers in your and your sensitivities and everything I love you I support you in in watching a TV show and being affected by the way I got her making fun of you
you know what you turned myself you said you wouldn’t make it a little bit but that’s good my dad hit me
I didn’t notice I was like I don’t watch cheers and I never mind
I’m sure your dad will you ever hit in front of like I kind of TV is down in the basement like the end that’s why I said I tried in French history I didn’t complain so
we’re going to go I’m just saying we’re going to do this like with things because it’s like it’s like holy shit dear dear Hannibal season 2 like I was triggered by the staying above and then it’s going to be like listen man like you can do one of eight things of that would you put this helmet out of like it you can use their there’s if there’s like going to be lots of ways to just hang out in there just be like I’m a big belly but then it’s bad you know there’s going to be a lot of just stab stab stab or like here’s a map of my school I don’t like when people are like
that’s what I’m saying to you you’re not reacting to me we’re reacting to the Future just to make that clear. Should I stir crazy as the kids say they did a day’s now we’re super driver ever over over corner
I can’t play
okay
I can’t work like this is just a bad Uber driver and I can’t I can’t just be about you I was standing outside the oyster bar and because I was I walked from Justin’s construction all over Sherman Oaks so I walked to a place where there was no construction to call an Uber to make anybody navigate construction with their Uber that wasn’t that wasn’t my goal I took the hit I walk to a place I sat down I ordered a drink only Footprints I don’t I don’t loiter I don’t have use Uber drivers I don’t do anything to make anyone’s life difficult I float on the Wind
I’m on Forrest Gump feather and word again the second the second time that was necessary
so I called the guy and then I got your says your Uber is here I go out on the sidewalk and by the way the fact that I had to go to the side when I had to pay $20 cuz I had to he came so fast
that I was like oh shit I will just have to leave a 20 let him keep the change $20 drink so I’m already all revved up
I’m out I’m out at Moorpark and it’s hot and I’m like and then like will it said he’s here but he’s not here I mean there’s like it’s nothing but fucking because of the construction like it’s easy and it just like you just hear music in the background
not doing any ethnicity of Music at all like like I was just like a blanket just like fucked up like unmarketable mish-mosh
I could have been a white guy at the end
and and and
okay I’ll be be well but when you left me last night left me last night because of Habibi
call BB beautiful
certainly by way of Syrian racist so
I say Habibi when there’s a fish special a fucking them white privilege conqueror that simulate everybody I might I might go high on fuck it
salute yeah fuck you you fucking Saloon Saloon Salu like an Italian can’t tell if it’s like I can’t there you at the Oyster Bar & Oyster Bar on Moorpark I know I’m standing in Moorpark
you’re not here you’re not here
born on the 4th of July
argue with a guy is like forever and a day and I look at the map and it’s like Mission Impossible and like I’m zooming in on your location sir I can see your car to car are you situated behind all the way behind the oyster bar and he’s like he’s like
North Park lake lake mad at me like like like he’s like trying to get through to me and I’m like I am on Moorpark I’m outside the oyster bar I see your car I think you’re in the parking lot behind Oyster Bar I want that would not normally be an issue it’s basically a block away from me because you’re in the fucking parking lot and it’s like it’s Sherman Oaks like they did their best I can’t just a cut around I do I’ve just trust me go there take pictures show Adventure Time
I don’t have a car to walk out on the Moor Park call an Uber
start driving in construction and it was cuz there’s no construction
why is cheese so good
I’ve never heard that character before you eat chocolate
say something with my whole mouth what do you want to say
play one of these
the new one for me is like he’s driving a sure I just pulled a Jodie Foster around and I live by that I mean I looked out the window at a world more important than him
nnnn nnnn chose to a tone with it for all the pain I’ve been through like like like rather than I’m not going to stoop there give me your journey Fosters outside my car window
okay
now let me do it again let me know the guy that looked like somebody set up a cherry bomb outside the car
okay
can we move on and not the Oyster Bar know before yes that’s what he said and I said I said I said maybe your bald like I don’t know I don’t know what to go by and he’s got enemies like and many times from there and I’m like no not that waster varno and he’s like yeah yeah
will you pick me up at the oyster bar lottie’s I can get yeah yeah
how do people get to get through this debate
am I a doctor and he’s like what
I didn’t say it like that it was I was like I am sorry but I am sorry I felt like in The Wire he’s going to kill me
I’m scared of Eastern Europeans racist fine but fine I would rather I would rather be killed by any other ethnically identifiable group in the world before at Eastern European why the wire
from my extensive experience as a what what kind of person would you would you like I go to Fashion Market
Drake in my feelings are not described as you look like a simulator of if you’re getting killed by an ethnic person like a choir you like I’ve what is that death-like consisting of I’m going to go with the black guy over the Eastern European is like way like I don’t want to ask you what your house at like like according to everything I’ve seen the first you wake up and they’re like and I like Hello hello big boy
I don’t like what the fuck what the fuck is going on are there like you take my fucking money ready yours is like looks like crocodiles eat
2
okay if you don’t want to be you don’t want to die by Eastern European guy but you wanted what’s the best way to get killed I’m here trying to you’re trying to make me sound racist so I’m going to try to escape that men die in movies take one of the the answer is if there’s probably a chart like is killed by black man in movies white man dies how machete it’s not fair I like like like he’s like we do Redwood forest and he hears his wife’s voice that he’s in there she’s been dead for ten years and then he has to like to see Satan and his fucking pours explode with Heroin like if you could statistically on a on a bar graph of One race killing another and movies if a white guy dies by a black guy it’s like a stray bullet
a stray ball like Patrick Swayze look at easy it’s easy as pasta neezy if I could die six.
I just hope you get to write your own death to death by another person could be a man could be a woman is one person’s race you going to pick I get to pick the race yesterday how do you want that desk to have you dying because somebody else kills you could be a man or woman you already picked black man I deserve that you can pick it up
I deserve that more I like black women here’s my golf fund and then I know she comes in and she’s got a big afro and she’s like I like Olive jacket and she’s like yeah like like like like like like
pictures of 1970s nnnnnnnn like easy easy and then and then she’s like but then I can see like Humanity in her eyes like I like likely because because because because she gets fucked
she pulls a totally smooth robbery like she’s got it down to a science she’s like
that sounds terrible. I didn’t mean to do bad grammar
how much money is insured at does the yard is the plural in the oven sounded terrible
God damn Head Daddy won’t get blown off and she sounds like she knows what she’s doing and then she’s like the bad like like like
Anna and if I can eat it and he did it and he said she’s like why did you do that why did you do that I don’t know what happened to that boy lately she gets she gets shot gun gets shot with a happens and I don’t have time to read the whole thing but it’s like basically end up with me and her in the bank vault because I somehow it’s like it was kind of like a Dog Day Afternoon meets like a Cadillac Man like lake lake lake lake lake lake what do you call it to Stockholm syndrome kind of like thing but it’s like like he and I we we end up like we we solve everything in those dark days before we die together
I can see half the county picking this guy died by black woman so she had to kill me right reveal myself to be like I’m like I’m like I’m sorry you can’t trust me either and then she feels bad but I’d rather she had to show me because I like oh oh because because I helped her I aided and abetted her and like I don’t like there’s nothing in my insurance policy about treason
do it do it for my wife and kids and she’s like I can’t do it Mr Harmon I don’t you ever fucking call me mister anything you fucking awesome black woman
and she’s like so fucking
Atticus black and it’s just like a fucking Aaron Sorkin
I want that too I don’t want that to be misperceived as an invitation of any kind of two black women across America too late now it said I needed a way to be murdered by another human being how was your house to Grayson gender that’s what I’m going to keep an Asian I’m going to go with Sumo Sumo wrestler would be awesome but he just like he just ripped my head off my body I’m at the supermarket looking at frozen vegetables
and I I bumped into I put my card into someone’s car and I go oship sumo wrestler and he’s not having it and I’m like I’m sorry man I’m just trying to get some keys and he’s like I’m trying to get something and I asked what he says your head and then he just rips off my head
alright alright well our next guests are no strangers to racism these are actually really surprised a lot of people be surprised how long we’ve known these guys we don’t hang out everyday but but but are our connection goes way back to pre YouTube days and Channel 101 I hope they don’t want to know other than trying to keep their age secret right unless they were eleven back then New York steps to human giant the other guy was Aziz and he wanted I don’t know that that troop I could never goes like okay Simon & Garfunkel we’re going this way or that way we’re breaking up over reuniting it as far as I know they they kind of all have all individually like 10 amazing stuff we’ve got two of them here tonight promoting a
I make the same crap that they’re here promoting something they’re just here if they promote something it’s an accident but they’re there they just finished working on something at a concert movie that will talk about 2 so let’s watch some old friends of mine and some new friends of yours Mystic
that was good that was like that I’ve been looking for a standard
say it again but say it was like like throw it away. Rob huebel
hi
I’m watching the livestream backstage and just thinking it would be great if there was a thermometer reading on the livestream get to see how the temperature is that is treating everybody here when you have a couple of the equivalent of a Mercury earlier today I poured sweat I stopped and not come back to sports wet again in my workout for the week
I’m tired of having to explain to these guys it’s 6�� colder out there I’m not just I’m not just a Belushi or the reverse your the reverse Letterman Letterman keep the studio cool like 60�� do you jack it up to a hundred and seven degree
what you are at the Pickaway you’re going to die but Paul has to be the one that kills you you get to pick the circumstances and the way that he dispatches you how do you call Sheriff murder you a question
given this a lot of thought I’d actually is it something do I have to be aware of it before it happens or can it be sort of like a sneak attack when you were five years old do anything you want you have to die when he was 5 years old can go back in time and kill himself he gets to pick how he dies but it has to be at Paul shears and how do you like to go out all my time traveling back like a Terminator I just want to get that if he does time travel back is he totally nude like a see this is why I ask because I feel like that’s what you wants to go to pick it has to be nude in five years old what I mean yeah
I would love a five-year-old Terminator that would be the best version of the new Terminator just like a really bad ass kid child is my birthday when I was 7 years old at my parents had this really sort of home-grown birthday party for me where they had like my little friends come over and I don’t know why they did this they made a shit ton of like mashed potatoes and a can we are all like in our swimsuits and very erotic a birthday party with tons of mashed potatoes. I’m fucking hard as a fucking time and right now
so so we’re all in our little swimsuits and everyone had a spoon and you could just like a food fight like I was just like someone yelled like going through a shitload of food at each other and it was just like the simplest dumbest happiest I’ve ever been so I think that if Paul Scheer showed up at that moment kid naked as a five-year-old no as an adult call Full Throttle like super hard
well and I mean yeah as long as no metal was exposed I can probably time travel but now as an adult I do have a metal rod in my penis get hard all the time if it was like I was like because living with mechanical things she covered it up 11 you were like well but come on Will Smith’s last movie is handed ripped off his I got you I can’t time travel because now you can see it
I believe you really that’s the whole conceit is that he’s got to wait around for 30 years that’s how the Terminator gets older and he’s like not I’ll wait here until you get off of little girls in bathing suits with mashed potatoes can we go through the whole show or just a question
mashed potato birthday party I’m there the naked adult Flat Rock hard when I would like that not mean I would like I would like to not see it coming I would like for you to just sort of like materialize behind me with like a fucking huge like like Hatchet and just like just fucking slice me down the brain like my parents and I was like what
but it would be a service to me because like my life was going to get any better than that so thank you I was going to say they say I don’t know who they are but I heard someone current grade history teacher come up with so far this speed that it goes down all you feel is a feeling that if we ever did that though now it would be viewed as the most any looks terrible what they also don’t think that drowning is like pretty fucking cool like really yeah.
oh water in Aransas like what what about the
that part up your butt with a coconut have you ever seen penguin Squad footage of people dying because for the LA me at your head the other way around there’s a blank that that there might have got it.
you shot him in the shoulder you asshole you and you always get to go home at night from your work a day job on the firing squad. How is work today honey I love you sweetie that’s great because please stop telling your parents what I do for a living they all have the blank days since the last Fatality and all of them say 500000 because they all keep insisting they have been super lucky is one of them you got to go to pfchangs afterward they just like big joke about you
YouTube The Bullet fairy visits one of them in the middle of the night if A Christmas Carol before executioner and it like you did kill all these people let’s look at their lives and you were but you know when you kill yourself at the end it’s a really sharp Christmas Carol
forever a great way to die would be packin would be like documentaries what you would like those squirrel suits just go in like six hundred miles an hour. Well they look sort of like a guy that just it’s just like fucking pink mist is just like
refreshing pink mist of an extreme Sportsman
aerosol misting I don’t shoot your head right off right now if you could if you can either die or kill somebody but you get to kill Dan Harmon because you have to because maybe that he’s going to do some terrible that he’s okay when do Hitler you have to kill Dan Harmon because he is going to draft history be one of the worst people that ever existed about how I want to get killed by a black woman for instance, what does magic you have his spells you can do anything you want or you can meet me at crude it could be it could be a nighttime attack with it was it was it was a bottle of you do anything you wanted or the magic spells if you were my first and say I’m going to go with my first instinct you when you said magic I said voodoo dolls don’t get enough play in this world and I think that would be a real fun way to
and someone’s head where they don’t know what’s going on with their heads on fire at science out with it thinking the Disney movies and they eventually they taking the dog out like that and how come every time you move it around
activated
Udall and you can prolong it a little bit might make a little bit how do you start towing with the Buddha. And how do you finally finish the job I think in the beginning it would just be simple slaps in the face and just general a total Adam Sandler movie
hahaha oh then I would get a remote control that would control your life on fast-forward rewind
that was the weirdest part of my life something bad happened in Haiti they don’t even know that the years ago and then for every day lately I mean who’s who’s who’s going to Haiti this week
talk about Heritage way they reacted to it like it was like a building 7 or something
so yeah I think I do I think you would start to build the craziness in with the slaps weird things like all of a sudden you’re laying in bed in his I shoot up and I don’t know why I can’t lay down and I kind of just funny weird slapstick and then need a walk and then I think it would be the fire that I put it on ice and I think the station that goes to sensationalize the station and then and then to talk about Dragon torture mean
what we’re talking about your pretty evil guy and I want to make sure you get your just deserve I don’t want to make sure that you know I don’t want to make it easy on you if you were like I have to kill you to save the life of a child but if you’re going to be like the next whatever you know boko-haram I need to make sure that you take guitar
I said yes and then I think the final thing would submerge submerged me to suffer longer
I want to suffer first of all how do you how do you how do you say it’s hard to not just do another router. Let him know so that whenever I feel like my knee get hot I can pull out it and go like the exact yank out his dick or something
slow down that yanking and make it more gentle to accept that
is Con haters going to hate
how many grow in that
be a company that does that I don’t get why there isn’t like if you find out that your dying like there should be a company that says okay it will like how do you want to die like you want to get buck and eaten by a bear. Like whatever you want you want to be shot and like I said I like but when you want it like in a way I think this is maybe a Dennis Leary bit so Denis Leary sex drugs and rock and roll I’ll give this to you but that why don’t you think people were you just doing a shout-out to a minute to FX show
I think of name of that show is like Steve rock and roll it’s really pretty amazing. I would do it like you just got like Anna Sun from Fast and Furious like that would be great let you sell your body to a movie back yet you fucking get to drive Vin Diesel’s car through those buildings in Abu Dhabi like I will be out like that have it on screen fatality like I put it in the exact
jumping out of cars and it’s just like a loop or the fucking light
because they had to kill like a million dollars in cash to make that movie little be at the story of two old people crossing the country to get back to their owner and then it’s just like an old lady in a box for a down a river and you can see the different actors in each cut in a shop it’s like wow 45 everyone or whatever the Vin Diesel about me fucking braving the Rapids
were there really a lot of cats and dogs killed in the making of like like production or something like that is anybody who’s going to be at Milo and Otis expert
strangle a dog every time he did voice over work for it
Verizon one was it even right by the other you know like will let you will let you mean Jean and like a professional wrestler chair from your beard to heartless get everybody’s name
Japanese company is taking Catherine just wrote it off as Cliff see what they did was they just took live Cass and threw him off a cliff cuz I got this for you heard that I just want to track. Yeah I heard the same thing but do you do you know how credible is that information is definitely more did the voiceover for it and made it that is one of his biggest regret to do as part of the project when that came out like it is cold as same as I was because he wasn’t there
and by the way over there by the way
I think if he was to look back at the mass execution of cats and dogs and Arthur to maybe he would care to on the ride today they are Hey brother can you spare a billion dollars to find on the post investigate or debunk you I’m just curious like cuz I I hear it and then I go like I never know that every time you work for like the ASPCA shelter you know how do I use a production company killing me for defaming their credibility I don’t know how many but I just feel like yeah they didn’t care there’s no way of that Legend
whatever it is it it’s true or not okay we got a bunch I would have took a town meeting me at we our research Department lie on his films and TV shows or hurt animals what killed a bunch of an elephant
of course that was a stagecoach in Ben Hur as you might imagine Jesse James okay I just heard that you know this is a comedy show
it used to be we just we went down after dead animals so hard
you are going to talk
Ministries naked man killing a five-year-old with a hatchet though
fact-checking saving there’s no relevance to my buddies relationship because you look up look up by rumors of animal cruelty with the rumor
a-minus AV Club episodes
Kitty – they can’t give it up. They’re very hard to grade
alright particular emphasis on the climate 20 kittens were killed in the course of filming the other so the rumors were never substantiated animal rights activists at the film’s end credits don’t use the standard American clay works but instead of more vague the animals were used were filmed under strict supervision with the utmost care for their safety and well-being and and their internment regardless of our street abuse a lot a lot of what made it into the film meet any reasonable definition of animal cruelty. It’s like Jesus Christ man working that hard well some of the more harrowing scenes were cut for you is how to use others remained like the one in which the cat punches more than a hundred feet off a cliff into the ocean other controversial but there’s not there’s no no one knows dying with those Japanese filmmaker
where the kidnapper I’ve only been able to see images of an online Benji at Marine World and they put Benji in a wetsuit and then submerged him made him dive what so you like wearing these like wearing like an old-school a 20000 Leagues Under the Sea kind of a helmet like a circular so I can fish bowl helmet and he’s in his own wetsuit diving and I’m like well I know this dog is under water and I don’t think that wet food for dogs are a thing so I’m guessing this is inhumane
the laser is there do you have do you think you have a line to any more information than Adam had them
okay so still unsubstantiated but what was your name just so we can then alright well thank you Ben and Adam for being are Milo and Otis correspondent team
shang-chi
I wouldn’t put that I wouldn’t put that credit on your resume though harmontown Milo and Otis expert
well let’s hope let’s hope pointed out I think it was one of the animals train a puppy with a hammer is how I have worked
I work with numerous animals and none of them can be trained I will say they are all they only have owners that promise you that they will be able to be drained and then they’re doing it now a jacket out of the jail cell because there’s a German Shepherd in The Jug is he so smart he can talk German Shepherd through the guy comes with the script at the doctor’s all the shit and then in the guys like I’ve been working with him all weekend that one thing but nope nope nope nope I’m in front of the dog and I have my hand on his head and I’m in the shop so that we know absolutely not because that’s not the way filming goes we can have this on this dude who just appears to be training the dog in the sand
got a thing on the league with a monkey and the guy I was in a car a monkey got loose in a car and he goes don’t worry if the monkey starts biting they are one of the sun visor he likes that we’re all right because but if he starts biting you just give him these gummy bears and they will be fine
and my reward I wouldn’t do that to a child is being hyper why would I then like a monkey and a human what I want to say don’t defend myself following no programming whatsoever give him a elevate my understanding of everything in the universe and like not react with a baboon and a big things and they they brought her in and she was dressed up like like Megan Mullally scared her she’s wearing like a little lab coat and glasses and so they had her in this chair and she was just at this desk and she was supposed to type like what the joke was that we didn’t know that that was not Megan Mullally like we thought
cheap Bubba and we start talking to her we just didn’t know and so the trainer they they put her in the chair and they would she would just type should just go like on a typewriter but like a fucking Maniac I just like like with such like fucking hatred and anger at the world and like and and they told us like right before we roll is me an offer made me an offer in her supposed to be questioning the monkey like leaving right in your face and they don’t look at her because that’s that’s aggressive so don’t look at her you can look at don’t look at her another what is the difference between fucking looking towards this animal and looking at it because like I don’t want to get my fucking face like ripped off in like shat in and hand it back to me back in New York we used to do something New York I believe Seth Herzog brought a monkey on stage for a bit like at a car
play showing the monkey ripped his earlobe off
they look like people that their animals
parks
you’re fucking nuts but I’ll be right back like I know exactly what you are I have 99% that you feel me low-hanging fruit if it’s like blob face and your fingers and your genitals because you’re with them I was when my my trainer my my master trainer had an orangutan and he and he goes you have to you once they become older they get more stubborn and you have to start to watch out for the sign because I he was missing his Mark he wasn’t doing his thing and they used to live together and he said you know I’d always say he’d always tell the monkey like get me a beer in the monkey would get him a beer and then the monkey would have a beer
one day to get me a beer and a monkey didn’t get him a beer and it’s now it’s time no no he said that because I believe it was an orangutan that when I get to a certain age like the their headaches like actually grow apart a bone in their head kind of pops out and then they cannot be trained anymore then they’re not they are they are off the grid so your life and everything because they are domesticated and Off the Grid they’re doubling Fox are like the only main thing was to shoot the murder of an orangutan and pop
I’m not because he didn’t break his leg in a horse race I got sad enough it’s like thank you for racing and make sure that you became sentient you are not my slave anymore so I can get the bag that you started to evolve you were evolving master trainer that he has he apprenticed under this guy and told the story very casually it wasn’t like a it was like oh and he told me like 10 other amazing story that I shove a walk them out the back with a gun in
so I imagine that means she knows yeah that could mean a lot of things though that would mean a lot
so hot in the toilet I loved Lancelot Link that I share with the chimpanzees and I think it was Joe Hudson right now who told us that he knows that and there’s a chimpanzee if you don’t know Lancelot Link Secret Chimp it was a show where that it’s like a James Bond kind of thing it’s very funny however we found out from my friend Joel Hansen from Mystery Science Theater same that training those chimps was daily taking them out behind the fucking set beating him with a pipe beating them into submission because I don’t want to do this anymore and they’re very muscular very aggressive when they want to be and like all the time to get them to go put a tuxedo on and pretend that
their wardrobe just kept getting more and more elaborate to cover up all of the
they’re like God damn it I told him to tell Cindy to take this in makes me look like a fat ass one less time
I don’t know where that baby alone in a trailer to go
collapsible bags a painting of an elephant that is fucking a better that you could draw and paint brush and its trunk and draw a fucking perfect elephant and doing it turns out the way they do that is through that torture into lots of like what the people I got to them and hold us they hold in their hands with a nail and if they have it doesn’t look like it but what they’re doing is a just jabbing them with like it’s all through pain because they learn to do this shit lately are the paintings good
give me a beautiful paintings of The Fugitive with a monkey trainer and he’s like I I had wrongly accused monkey saying she said I was trying to guess I killed my trailer but the price entertainment June my wife is very adamant about monkey hear monkey rights because she doesn’t like that monkeys are portrayed in a way that they have no control over so in the movie called monkey shot a monkey is a killer and she said well that’s not fair to the monkey cuz he can’t choose his roles and so he shouldn’t you shouldn’t be betraying his race he shouldn’t be betraying his race by doing this like I’m forcing him into a
roll that is maybe not as is a defamatory to his right is paranormally empathic I’ll take it as much as you like Jack Frost with Michael Keaton like she there was a point where she was crying a lot and she gets touched by these things but as a monkey debate the monkey debate was was pretty amazing she’s not believe it dogs monkeys whatever autonomy over the rules that they are a few things I like black fish in such a great mood because you’re its you just rooting for the killer whale you’re like a cool man
seventeen-year-old interns that are like I got there. But I mean you do feel for the killer whale like you know they’ve been fucking prisoners for their whole you could come out of high school and be like I want to work at SeaWorld laughing so hard right now and you don’t have to have been on the boat where you’re at and you just like oh my God I love this well as you’re told or Not Top scientists that are in the pool going by levels shit you know they’re not one of them is the scientist
stick that there was a chip that was in the lab at new new fluid sign language and it was like just allowed to wander around the lab and then there was a male head of the department and then there was like a funding guy who came in and took him into his office and was yelling at him and I’m sure it was the other way around if maybe the female was the female scientist was the head of the research department and she was being yelled at by a by a male who has like a like a money guy I’m sure I got the story right I was going to really think about Boat Trip wrong so just you always have to operate on my memory I remember is that the monkey is at a chimp is sitting out there signing with the with a male who was like I think is superior to the female I have no idea of of monkey chimps are inherently sexist and he couldn’t understand the hierarchy but he better get his head and was signing to the male scientists like that that guys in there like like fucking up your shit lately he’s like mistreating her like you need to go in there and bite him
and and and that guys like while we don’t we don’t we don’t bite each other that’s not what we do and and The Chimps like you got to buy them he’s he’s
look what it is in there dissing your your woman like he’s he’s in there like fucking with your whole thing and if you don’t bite him I’ll bite you
the scientist was like it was like we don’t bite each other’s Ralph so and then like this thing about it I think it was a woman of signing with the chip and the guy with the chip was saying to the woman tell him to bite him or I’m going to bite him later in any case there was like this elaborate conversation and looks like a alarming and then they end then like some time went by and the mail scientist was like sitting in his office
ship was like allowed to just go over and wanted to do and I like like like the the the chimp I mean and he just came in the guys off and came across his desk and bit his hand is so hard that he lost like three fingers after they just kept going like where is where Steve where is he where is it is that he doesn’t want to work with you anymore you bit his hand you fucking cock sucker
well I mean I had to like that’s what you do if you would like to apologize to him and he was like I don’t know what that means or whatever like the conversation was like he didn’t know what it was or he was like I’m not sorry though either case it was like late but I had to and then I went by and he kept on like where Steve and they’re like dude you’re a fucking dick like you didn’t think you know that you remember Steve so you remember what you did and then after a while he apparently was like okay bring Steven here and he gave him a hug like
now let’s get to work all right bring me a snack
can chimpanzees rip your truck at their there they are trying to put Savage but they have no compassion but they’re monsters when you put a cowboy hat on anybody they seem more friendly you know it again. Because that’s what they do to US ship Behavior to dress up a chip that makes sense that track nice to animals eating I’m at every meal these monkeys to talk because I feel like the plan is everything you want some too
yeah I think the plan is to make them soldiers right shows you how dangerous that is build up an alarm for a minute so I can shoot like a Jim Henson chimp like I’m going through a military base killing people because it’s been trained to do it in a video game
you forget me I talked I talked to today
do I want to think of a monkeys are so dumb they like a Terminator like a five-year-old Terminator with a rock hard dick
monkeys do eat baby monkeys just like for fun I mean not for fun they do for war but they’ll just like monkeys all get up at like 3 in the morning in like high five each other and then go into the jungle and just eat a bunch of baby monkeys from Another Monkey Village by the way it’s been for the way that you are position right now and what you just said I want to watch it just going to Andy Rudy segment them just The Melancholy about monkey cold hard facts about monkeys like we should know we should not know I mean we shouldn’t know about monkeys we shouldn’t see might not know about them know they should just be away from us because they do people’s faces off why I feel like that’s pretty cool let’s figure out why that happens they’re ripping people’s cooking phases
I guess this show is this your thing of beauty
Cosmic monkey monkey facts monkey effect
I thought you were more taken with his know I just wanted to be alone on the road of life
resigned it is backed up yeah they kill kids anyway
the bonobos I don’t know why would you name your company bonobos would like their assholes are like pink and Rosie like it’s like a Target
you’re asking about their ass from their assholes look like you guys have seen what they do with frogs right now in pansey frog they fuck up and hit enter the fuck up and and be amazing like I’ve heard so they’ve got they’ve got like this for a second and then they played with the mouths of their finger and then they just go MailChimp I mean I don’t think it’s as if they just do it and then throw the fucking frog away and then there’s some videos where you watch the Frog like limping away
comedy show
they suck them out if they say Spencer bring up Google chimpanzee and then I don’t know why
trying to Front Road where we have no tomorrow
get the fuck out here
where’s round trap at
what a my tribe is that
when I Rob is at yeah yeah I tried to be to the shop I fuck your mom so hard it was my job and the resultant the Rob going to go out in the street and I got a lot my tennis ball
other jobs on the side jobs over here hello everybody
glad I wore my jacket
nice and chilly in here but what’s up rap trap
I feel right if you if you had to go toe-to-toe and have like the end like end of your life like a battle royale you had to fight another animal nether enemy another animal if you could look into The Nether if you could find another animal to be equally matched with a gorilla a gorilla for real no what do you mean you get to fight a girl as a weapon
a gorilla a gorilla in a ring I got to talking about Arrow or crossbow you get one melee weapon what do you what do you fight a gorilla with an i5 Hatchet no no kinda find me a happy little light subjects that are
you vs. gorilla what weapon is Gorilla what it what is the point of this
I got one let’s say we all left the building tonight
I got it I like this what’s up with this empty thing this is empty
drinking out of a dogo he can have mine. It was Travis and I know shop you want to go watch Nightmare on Elm Street West Craven today I guess Wes Craven is dead what was the weather a choice between anything like was it was it as far as were you saying like was it always going to be a nightmare or could it be in Scream 2
what do you mean like what you going to movie Nightmare on Elm Street tonight was that is there any other choice deadly friend friends great shocker shocker for entitle two in the pink
not too far is is what’s his face in that that’s the axe in shocker that’s when he was like a 18 year old actor came out that we’re both very similar and it was very confusing they were to horror movies that were both about guys who died in electric chairs I think through the electrical outlets are there was a terrifying there was always go great together like the lawnmower man perfect combination of both so scary the one thing about Wes Craven though I feel like is he really was able to keep a consistent reinvention of himself scream I don’t know if this is Scream Queen of the new show that in Scream Queen show anyone researchers
it’s who you know that’s Ryan Murphy and that’s American Horror Story we all have a tiny bit of information all of him
I don’t know
give me a bunch of a bunch of animals were killed in Nightmare on Elm Street I know I know it I know it the best weapon if you wanted to kill would be a gorilla all right Danny just died today a good joke well thank you
so what do you think I’m sad he’s dead no hanging out with her cuz they live right in between both of you guys.
What is Cleveland I date doesn’t return my text
you guys just call each other you can email it to me at all of these people and all of those people I was writing for the last like 3 weeks I’ve been writing since 1993
let’s be serious when is it going to stop when are you going to have time to hang out with me
going. I got to go to a marathon of something I did not. You’re coming out with this concert movie you did we did a comedy special in one take on a moving bus light on a glass bus yeah we just basically we meet you and I made the show called crash test where we just we got this fucking insane glass tube and we drove around all the Hollywoods face the driver miss one you faced the street and it’s like stadium seating and the the street becomes the stage so we just called all of our like comedy friends and said like, well at least we did give us permission to let you know that’s right through me
out in the front yard and did like a bit with us in the bus just keeps going into a special and it’s on but I know who do do taxes 911r Reno 911 reunions and Earl Sweatshirt who we’ve been doing comedy with God like the last 10 years you know the I’ll just pick her up with them and that person you’ve ever seen an Earl Sweatshirt
he’s awesome but it’s just like weird and your trailer it does like a like a Tarantino kind of fun with all the last names of black, but you you were the only like Paramount Little Chute on their back lot and basic yeah you can shoot anywhere you want on our back lot everything will be closed and we won’t turn on any lights for Dan was the one who let us at least open a stage door so you get to see the set of community and the amazing Banner that you had out in front of fish
not if it has criticisms of you because they’re all compliments like you’ve been writing since 1993 put down that you can go buy a copy of this banners has nominated for zero Emmy one of the funniest things that was the smartest investment that show ever made because I got to use that sign for 3 years in a row
different station that’s something Stony never appreciated I think so yeah it’s not our finest moment for feminism but you’re probably going to need to be a character cuz we need everybody that we got up here so no sound effect
we land on you guys getting together after the show Mike Trout I met my wife and I met my wife at Rob’s apartment introduced me to my wife no reaction
from from my wife is half Japanese so she’s half responsible for Milo and Otis wow how many cats did your wife there off of Cliff what’s half of 3618 Cup last great Wes Craven movie go
oh shit
scream is is like that he’s always on about that car for you say brought back our I think he brought it to a new level I mean it was like one of the first lady brought meta to like contemporary to the people you know like I mean it helped out this guy here with his shit that he does on television wow made him one of the really flying warmed up the room for him a little bit okay sound effect
now Paul and Rob did you guys understand how Shadowrun works
what what character what character do you have
I lost it are you are you not your friend my friend my friend I just hang out to guard a German doctor dwarf dwarf German
Denny’s. She doesn’t with it some kind of from Oslo Norwegian at it like I said you are a doctor friend who is a a i i strolled doctor would you mail troll Doctor Who has an armor jacket has like a like a like a black market doctor who travels with us and or to guard his listeners in your ear the audience to explain what I mean agreed. What’s the worst that could happen like I might have second swallowing
oh yeah previously on Harman run Shadow time at their Johnson and double-cross them with a cool magnatrac briefcase doctor friend and Eve Liberty decided to combine forces and seeking righteous retribution if some of the spirit Eagle for a delivery system for
how many spell Beauregard contributed with their work to the Revenge cocktail with General psychic fusion and Jim Nightblade not wanting to dampen the Synergy openly declared his sexuality because the only thing that is more powerful than a secret is the secret exposure the doctor quickly restored the drain the drain Diva allowing her to summon an additional spirit Sparrow to search after the Pain the game search their souls and evaluated their recent exploits and setbacks time to get paid or time to get some paid back work time to pay Shadowrun Style
all right can you say that
Spencer who wrote that for us that was by Pat sponaugle Patrick Pat. Man I know what has happened since the last time I did my did my Mystic Sparrow find anything reading office phone yeah we have we have guest writers for let’s see what we got to do
what are you test it better to my sparrow find the attitude the driver of the car that left us with it was holding the bag you just sent it out but not yet might take some time alright so we are at the arena parking lot all right there zombies ghouls the kind of just cruising around though they’re not mean you any harm how many Shadows there’s like seven Shadows I say we go our separate ways to wait for another Shadowrun to call us when we go back to that bar where the Johnsons drinks are on me I’ll have a drink I call an Uber and we all do and we go to Hank’s weather in 2000
52070 something so this is what monkeys are all gone right there’s no such thing as witches
yeah well there’s dragons no there’s no we don’t lose any points for the date of mining that Uber will take from us right not these days you don’t even have any data safe reject me before I get to drive myself here
what weight is this it is Robert Schreiber is a character that you are a face man what why is it why is it some of these drivers rejection your mercy or Donald you later
as myself
11110 Louis to Mercy you’re so charming and you have the prettiest face in town and you’re so Charming that is true so many drivers rejected you think it didn’t happen to me and happened to Rob shroud
but that was like 55 years ago
60 years ago
it was longer than that the Hanks Last Stand is the Uber drone drives off you recognize some familiar faces you see Hank and Teddy and also hack I they’re all just chilling
Hank Teddy hey guy hey
how’d it go waiting for the third one
to answer
what
only only one person has been talking
I thought I was going to I was in the bathroom and
telling a guy he’s he’s right there
how come you guys took so long to sit down trying to pick a song Nightblade tell him, what happens
and the music industry taking a hit
is Riley increase Technologies anybody plays a power cord to get a record deal now and so popular that toe tapping bone at a wedding or funeral but no known makes the connection that the Beatles you say amen Amen to that
I drew my grandparents parents go to The Beatles in the Airtel Bill about it anyway LOL well by the Johnson it’s not worth going to the detail we got flipped over in the job we’re starting to think where I am rather won’t pretend I might have to take a shit
okay go for it I’ll hang out I’ll keep the door open there’s no mute there’s no music so we got to keep ourselves entertained by something
we just watched each other it’ll help this go faster
the job the job went with poorly
so now with the changing of this know in the bathroom
what does what was your other legs crossed
I’ve seen it I’ve Seen It All Before would you say what would you say if I had a job for you we job
close the door while you’re shitting all right Jesus Christ Jesus Christ I can’t believe all right fine go watch your enemies are they do they do I have a job
we walked out of the bathroom God damn it I’m done Doolittle what’s the job what do you have for a storage facility
is Paul Revere with a good stuff MP3s Beatles Cyrus I got them all Wiz Khalifa all of it in there you need to rent a storage facility for that I just know there’s a place where all the MP3 zor-el old music good music and whistles are those old MP3 there make the sound somehow better than those ones and zeros
oh my God I grew up on that way when I was fleeing the the government is living in the hills with the Native Americans we used to play MP3 and that was a death of stuff I grew up on that players in the size of their hand I know that’s what that’s almost eighty years ago I would do anything to get my hands on them I had none of those players are so big you could put water in a paper cup or more importantly so the customer so I can make money
will bring people back to Hank’s bar finally
hey what’s up man
a lot of money
bring a board more like a dollar 29 in the later days has it been so long since we’ve seen MP3 to all this great world music for so long and nobody’s had access to all this great stuff because it causes Revolution good music that you were going to revolt against the glare music leave us with this candy-coated bullshit right if you guys shadowrunners if we get our hands
I need a vote but it’ll take a while I named myself after a punk band from the 70s from Kraft like I feel like he’s right hand goes right if we get our hands with music is a chance that we can take this old music and bring bring Humanity bathroom where is Hillcrest
never heard of it I did now okay okay I don’t care what it takes at all cost I want to get my hands on this music and I want to make sure that everybody gets to hear that because that’s the stuff that might change people’s minds and bring us back to the humans that we used to be a men thank you thank you
we go back and then doctor friend uses his detox on you would you lousy School limping ate all the side effects to that terrible meet poison that look at that map of shit it’s like using a squatting yes
my day was
should I should I get everybody to checking this out okay I’m going to flush it
goodbye
Define ladyship where are these MP3
all I got is this data map
cardigan cardigan
schedule
I would also like to say that shadowrunners sounds to me more like a racist Disney movie
I am not so sure about the name shatal Runners as a nickname for the group is wait a second there’s one thing I got to tell you I hope one of you has musical ability because the break into this facility they don’t have key codes Mercy has musical ability I think right
Spencer sure they don’t have key codes music codes you have to play you didn’t come up with a better name for the music code I heard about as music music station and take care of the baby and I told you a little secret I have the data map I call an Uber
can you find you find yourself outside of a large building app
it’s not related is not related to the storage facility where you think guys that this is me. Your friend I meant where are you I just watching that whole scene at Hank’s bar I thought this was a cool Mission and I just kind of sit back and just let you guys handle it if you feel like there’s a reason for meet Andrew Jackson this perfect named Hank gave us a damn thing when I do I do I mean you know that my part of my character is just keeping it cool when I got something else I don’t speak to speak well no I actually plugged it in this is a musical Academy School of Rock
I think we need to practice
I looked I told you didn’t pick up there because I figured you guys would all be on board with it not your friend that’s a good idea but we can’t go into that building without knowing the music by we could try I walk mentally mentally through the front doors of the musical Academy building you do that you find several small children staring at you creepily
mashed potatoes at them
don’t worry cuz that’s a call back is what I call a call back
hey kids of Emma entering to hey kids I heard you could teach us how to sing that might be true we need to learn how to perform seven seven never did war bad War bad shadowrunners we we mostly just for yourself now we are we’ve done nothing but make mistakes to admit that maybe kids could teach us have if I can like in harmony together so kids maybe you should write it at your grounds are misplaced
I’m on their side. I feel like we need we need these children to Tisha so I asked I for one if we want this these MP3s to reunite Humanity through music to the good old days thank you for recapping thank you kids where do we start our education we should probably show him what we got
I didn’t let him adjust us yeah cuz you never know maybe maybe we could get it right the first time
when your shadows in my room if you want to roll roll roll roll roll
Sarah Rose moonshine
what are the what are the what are the kids think you’ll find out next time
has been brought to you by beer around here to download Don’t torrent crash that show, or you’ll go to video on demand and the price of a video I know that may seem daunting to you but it’s actually super easy
Burger King near me
I’m not going to post here romulo
your man versus Dan Harmon
Chris burrow for a director back there Dustin Marshall are producers Zack the audio maniac and all of the fine people at nerd we did it again