Episode: 189 – Monster Man

Episode

Episode: 189 – Monster Man

Description

The gang tries to come up with a song and Weird Al each other then an instant Harmontown classic moment happens. Watch the video at harmontown.com! Become a member! Opening song by Babes. feat. Dan Harmon, Jeff Davis, Spencer Crittenden, Rob Schrab, Andrew Weinberg, Steve Levy and DeMorge Brown

Transcript

Hollywood California downtown comics
Frederick written that everybody is
The Manor Apartments
thank you yeah yeah yeah yeah mine are we allowed to know what this character is about my play Dan Harmon that you but I was just finished shooting with Sarah Silverman as Betsy Ross
yesterday was Ron funches as a media meme
and he’s I mean I was there is fantastic I can sing her Praises Lots but runs brand new to our family I might my life I I I I knew he was adorable and cuddly and giggly and we work with him on harmonquest play yesterday he’s playing video of me and he revealed the gaps of dramatic chops that was some really looking for I think that it’s going to be great he’s like a great dramatic actor and I’m obviously a terrible comedy writer if if you’ll find out he’s a great dramatic actor okay so here’s some thoughts that I had I have not in this podcast if I talked about the Uber rate data leak
okay it seems like I would
first of all if your company just strategically don’t have rape data
but sometimes apparently it’s if you’re going to
how can I have a big company it’s been going pretty quickly and they have a customer service database there was something they were so kind of hope that a no semi whistleblower customer service person who gave they leaked images screenshots of of of of the Uber customer service database with examples of things that you would type in how many Emmy results you get if you type in the word rape you get 5583 something like that I think it says how many feet is there are in a mile but we were released as a rebuttal there’s no good way to her but this and they did not find the keys anywhere they said that that is so misleading what if what if the driver or passenger is named Jason rape
that’s the example that you’re they said what they said is like some people some drivers or users might have that word in their last name of the two examples take used in this order were like Jason rape or Don Draper
if we should have started. Draper
Marvel villain
I don’t care if he exists and is driving for Uber to bury that leadership in the Uber PR War Room promote that guy send them home early cuz you’re done with that plank of your debate don’t then go
I would have got it I would have started with Don Draper and then Alexander the grape The Otter Pop flavor you raped my wallet are you making that up with a date and they said they have your company I mean I know Donald Trump I don’t have a book on how to run a business I’m just saying don’t have a great day too
just consider that consider the existence of it at all to be a crisis deal with it very quickly do you think the person who came up with the name Don Draper for Mad Men thought of a John Deere a per night to do Noah’s but but but but the other end of that Spectrum as we said at the end of the quarter episode you know our friend of the Uber driver I bet it is you know it seems to me I don’t want to speculate too widely or too quickly but it’s just sounds like he’s the he’s a victim of some kind of crazy entrapment sting operation which which must surely start from something and you know as much as we want to feel if I Uber in the in the Press probably because they target the present because of the rape data a butt butt butt butt like like Blake also on the other side of that it’s like well where are we coming from we’re coming from this crazy system we’re just like like cities are in charge of medallions and I like crap
send text to Spencer Uber Abed met his goal and yeah we watch the live awhile just live stream and people who knew about it like just that day I saw your Facebook post about that and I went on to do it and you had not met the goal when I was putting information in and by the end of it was way over I guess how fast it was coming at me and you know the kindness of all the people donated
no but he means like you put you made it easy for them to do it and I opened the door so kindness can pour through and bathe David and compassion yet it doesn’t nothing nothing I wouldn’t I wouldn’t have to do it I I wasn’t I didn’t think about it and I was so happy to listen to episode because that happened and then Rob corddry we find out that he is in love with everybody wasn’t here yet is there a way to turn off comments on Instagram and if so would you you could delete comments how do I delete no comment stuff like reading wedge who were who who hurt your feelings or was it paint with light I just have to sleep in that sentence you paint with words
my words are worth a thousand pictures
but each of them so so so if I take a picture it’s worth
what’s 1000 * a thousand words don’t know how we’re going to Gold Bond powder
like shit like she supposed to picture of herself like sleeping and just waking up or black I’m not waking up and then. The top, it’ll just be like slut there something I don’t have that problem people are trying to hurt me and it generally ended than the ones that are at the boy I just you know what it’s the funny people I don’t I just like the picture I’ll take a picture of a of a silly thing and I’ll go like this is why this is silly and then and then it’s just like like not even like people pointing out the joke that you told that joke but I’m not going to I’m not going to quickly and it and I don’t know why that makes me angry it makes me angry
it’s not a popular Santa me this is likely it’s always the exact same comment every time and it just
what people don’t know if we have a where turkey
have turkey Half Half Men to spread his his turkey eggs of of renewed life and I just want to balance the scales and say that person that person’s timing and nature of that laugh I’m going to say it was in mockery I thought I felt a little bit of that that person had like a like a half hour Five Hour Energy down their throat and then laughed at the same time people who like to say
my eyes are like so what is this the Grandpa Grandpa show or oh I always I always type in gobble gobble you know what it might have been it’s six people who came together the person who laughed is the friend of a friend of a friend who does that do I owe yeah yeah yeah yes yes
but that. The friend of a friend of the person that laugh just like I was just complaining about Steve and oh my God turkey went went to Trisha let’s bounce to the story has the same here tonight in Endo Damien the weird turkey went up to Tricia and said are you really bringing Steven he he he he he might know he might know comments on Instagram he said he’s an Instagram model, jerk just think about friendship and no one shares that point of view in the clouds away from the Moon and the moon comes out here
that’s it you’re just that I mean this as yeah yeah any animal can have like anthropy I want to see a movie about a wire turkey
but I want to know is it always a person that gets bit by by something in the air before you even get into the biting like is it always a person that turns into a sardine is it different when a sardine turns into a person like like a sardine them have their own version of how are things in the animal part sorry what
so it was a Native American like reservation siggno
Kemal was an old house has like a where man wouldn’t that be like he was a lizard turns into a guy
all right
well you know me I’m not pitching stuff up here
I’ve asked a question I was going to run out the door and make a movie has there been aware turkey today
okay so you guys see spot like this movie I think they are there’s a lot of money but did you guys watch all the way to the end of the credits
yeah well there’s a whole thing after the credits if you don’t call them at Wallace and Gromit you know how the guy in the bar that scene where they did Michael Keaton goes this is how it works and got leaves on a guy and then all the sudden remember that seen that guy and that guy says like to do you know Marty Baron he does this a Miami does this in Cleveland sitting out here now he’s going to be gone in a couple years where you going to go something to think about and they leave remember that scene after the credits he keep watching all Spotlight all the way through the credits
there’s a bonus scene I haven’t watched it again and it’s that guy again he comes up to Michael Keaton in the bar and he goes well where are you going to go cuz I asked cuz you know how did Michael Keaton goes Rome and and the guys like good one and I wouldn’t be surprised if any any way other than that that the camera stays intact and he starts a double-take is walking away and what you thought was his napkin you places in his head and it’s a giant white hat
honey turns to the camera and he pulls to cords in his suit jacket which turns into long robes and then in a move I can only describe I can’t imitate and I don’t know if they didn’t use CG to like make this possible but he doesn’t genuflect that where the crop the horizontal part of the crosses him removing a mask say I can’t do it quite right what it’s like
when I doing it just looks like I went like this and then removed them ass but I guess Michael Keaton study anyways revealing that Michael Keaton was the pope the whole movie
and raising a ton more questions for spotlight 2 so you should be watching them anyway like I would like the grip the grip worked hard on that that’s your little reward is now you know that the Pope in that movie
Mark Ruffalo is like a ruffolo like level 10 in that movie so he’s making his little ruffolo kissy faces like I’ve had that movie is as it seems markovic comes into him sit down and and hunches and puts his head at the ruffolo angle and Nae Nae
tell us the weather for the children Marty in how do you say you just want to make love to this man cuz he’s doing an impression of some real guy who must be like Friday in that guy date wisely, let’s go see a movie oh oh oh I forgot this movie this movie is about me oh yeah
I am yelling at Michael Keaton Kramer how many degrees is the is the sexiest Mark Ruffalo angle I got like 30 degrees all the time but standing face when he’s not like making love kisses or talking and his standing face in Spotlight is mommy just finished giving me medicine
he just he just licked the spoon just left frame that had like Dimetapp on it
I need to get you. He doesn’t know if it’s good or bad yet but
described as you can see the space
how to live stream
boy that’s a lot that that that that those priests that’s all that’s a lot that’s a lot of fucking
at the end of the movie there’s no spoilers as you know the spoilers are
up here no shit I thought there’d be phones ringing
reset the phone answer is downstairs downstairs
the phones were ringing
Chucky’s girlfriend
I have the screen or sitting on my dining room table Barrel franchise
that’s the Generation X I’m sorry you you Millennial that was that was just a new lady do you think we’re using the word turkey is just dating some regular regular woman of the Marvel Universe I’m sure she’s got a tail or I don’t know she threw hate or something
tell me the worst Power in today’s society I can see through their hate like well that’s the problem
Trevor tried to detect that they hate no I got it seems to be like everything’s fine
are you sure that you have a superpower I think you might be blind to crime
well yeah but I can see any crime that doesn’t involve cuz it was like in the guy comes up and it goes like they’re lowers the phone for a second there all victims all of them and I just thought well tell him thanks but that ship it kind of sale we already did the story I
wait wait wait wait wait until we get it if we know we exposed it
Western Union. You’re reading the paper you want to tell the world I told the world
but then it says the in the next five years they did six hundred more stories in
I guess that’s how the newspapers work I don’t know why do you keep doing it go yeah I look at them legs look like but I don’t know I don’t know anything about that shitt I don’t like the shocking thing was like how Catholic people still are likely in the modern world likely are you here that stuff and it just seems like I kind of like 50s stickball on the street and like kind of thing but this is a story that takes place in the modern world in the church is a part of their lives and it is honestly like I don’t know nothing about nothing all right so Amazon package mix up I got a dog sitter she does very well she’s there all the time that’s what makes Rick a dog sitter and very busy so you know and I’m also ordering on Amazon stuff
I’m in a new relationship and I’ll put a pin in that
will try I mean I’d let the thing is like a man act like I see an Amazon package of my goal cuz it might be where do they what are these gold Nikes and it’s like oh it’s my gosh I just open some of your place rather that but that that to me is a sign that she’s your dogs are has gold Nikes my dog sitters dog sitter has gold necklace fan if somebody told you 25 years ago when you were in a city apartment in Milwaukee that you had a dog sitter to start that be one thing
you never cared weiner dogs you let him just hang out you buy them food sounds like I’ll be stuck at home walking these dogs and picking up their poop all the time. Someone paid to hang out with your dog when you buy her food she probably just walking around in some flip-flops
her feet never touch the Earth
she was raised above ground in a harness surrounded by images of well-fed dogs and told that was the Ordinary World and then periodically there would be a dog that needed to be fed during which she get electric shock when she was dropped to the earth a door opened and it turned out she was in my backyard in the tent and now she goes into my home with Sheena. But she doesn’t even touch the metaphor so glad he likes you can’t even really walk a dog anymore
3% if you really make it get your dog some gold Nikes they walk themselves dog shame me
give me the Facebook Camera face after the body shaming comedy shame me
he’s not making a face that joke was that funny
all right politics corner
I never going to bring out her friends so tell me
for a second this was on Harvey fierstein Facebook page I found it kind of like uplifting and an apolitical way I saw this. I found this third fourth fifth hand but but it said it said this was on his Facebook page is where he shared it but I mean he is a playwright and then he has fire in his name I don’t know he’s telling people why you’re going to share it share it
watching our people protest Trump today I have to say that I don’t understand what we’re doing I understand that we must always speak out against intolerance and bigotry and anyone who would destroy American values to ensure their own profits but at this moment why are we doing the Republicans job for them they created Trump they earned him as if they’re hateful rhetoric wasn’t enough Justin how they treated our president they earned Trump with every race has slight every homophobic slander every manufactured semi-automatic weapon an oil spill and fracking disaster and shuttered women’s clinic in Attack of the fordable health care the Republican leadership built this Frankenstein monster let the monster they created and nurtured destroy them
what do you think what do you think they’ll do if we managed to dump truck the only turn around and give us the next horror from their arsenal of selfish intolerant look who they have to offer America next up is Ted Cruz who would care Spencer Moore
Wichita I mean you can be ugly and be president that’s fine
there was a neurologist to to the study of why his face instantly makes you unhappy when is waves of sound when he smiles his eyebrows do the opposite of what Pappy people eyebrows do and his house as an old colleague said why do people instantly hit Ted Cruz and his answer was because it saves time
that’s great I like that guy really they’re mostly just about Ted Cruz is a piece of shit but it’s a new revelation about trip it’s actually a revelation about lady that we hate people that incite violence at the presidential campaign rally and then eat themselves why wouldn’t I mean I guess I could be a sliver over to a different side of it it I mean it it that party it was that was that that that lady said on that panel thing like you resisting the show and she it almost looks like she stumbled into saying something that is already made
yeah it was like I want all of the name wrong Republicans are the female Republican Senators who has a lot of media quotes like Trump is forcing the Republican party to re-examine its core beliefs and that’s something we definitely don’t want to have happen is The China Syndrome which I think that is a beautiful thing because it’s like I don’t know how much scrutiny of the democratic party would represent like nothing that big would hold up to any scrutiny in terms of core beliefs but my God I mean you know that there’s a lesser of evils or you know it stinks more than piss I don’t know what to say but but but it is funny cuz he was Mordred the king is born out of this like weird slime that drips out of the machine that they’ve been cranking on it and the Machine is
we built on dishonesty because you can’t be Financial elitist and expect a majority vote so you have to do all these weird and gears and Rube Goldberg kind of contraption that link Financial elitism to homophobia I wish I doesn’t make any sense first of all gay people are rich beyond belief whatever I’m not going to listen to The Daily podcast
Sarah Harvey fierstein where is cuz that’s I found it was it was strange kind of strength a little spoonful of Dimetapp for the Mark Ruffalo kissy face so good going down to ask questions about of a fucking kid
are you auditioning for Mad TV this week what’s going on
what up what are the celebrity impressions are you going to show you going to show Jeff harried shopper
all right let’s go let’s play Let’s Play let’s bring out our next guest we keep having a back because the audience seems to like him please.
just like your mother you have a louder chair
he brought the vodka
we didn’t realize it wasn’t any of our conversation to wrap came out
the reason that we got rid of the Spider-Man bucket was because it was rested and you guys were drinking that
until we have like this this this lovely dish right here full of ice and cut
little bit of Backstage trivia
do you think you can get tetanus from ice out of a rusty bucket, what happens if you drink recipes they make flasks on a metal one
Rob do you know what a rusty bucket is that’s what I poop on your chest why don’t you save 50 bucks
$20 a person to settle down
dance dance going to say something here we go I came up with that I think he’ll enjoy
sometimes I come up with the little fox and things and then I hear myself say
Aya. What that’s like something from a that’s you go on like a Dave Barry calendar to look too long to tweet to Goods in that chair
I was Charming the ladies the ladies like that
who’s the ladies like that Chevrolet and ladies like apostrophe or anybody I told him to die by saying you know I plan to it he’s in mind control
so best reason to go to therapy if for no other reason that you do you know mental health great that’s way up there on the list but I came up with a new one good good reason to go to therapy
if you pay for therapy
Let it shine let me start over
if you’re if you’re not if you’re not paying for therapy you can’t complain about how crazy you are
if you are you can so I got to go pee so if I go hey Rob fuck you you piece of shit I know right
the rip-off are you think you got problems you fucking turd I’m getting ripped off at therapy
I can’t believe I just said that to you you monster cock noblin plastic
this is a cock knobling just blasting fuck that is that what it is what are you spending your money on the starboard side
can you explain to me what a cock knobler does like like give me a day in the life of a novelist do
what you do the regular knobler is
tell me what is just your work at they knobler does and I’ll connect the dots after that
I know I know what a just blaster.
I think I got through and I don’t know when
cobblers make shoes Cooper’s make barrels makes adore poplars make shoes Cooper’s make barrels
am I right guilty as charged
how do you say flower balls with a scissors today
I’m sorry would you please repeat that
no okay
where do you trim your balls I was doing some pubic maintenance
where are my glasses
Benedictine figured I never had to you know really keep up you know with the Joneses
go to GG no I’m 46 and you know
I mean it’s interesting like you know I mean I’ve been involved since I was 19 but you do everybody she’s a

where to eat
but… Sad really really painful to go through my lovely wife that I would you know keep up appearances and and
you know I was just asking did you make that agreement I officiated your wedding
you left that part out well I don’t know just recently everything just kind of went into overdrive
more weight recently like I have this to look for next yeah yeah yeah will you know back how is pubic hair going to talk novel does a door and the back door opens more options everything
shoulders back to Jack Jack Jack as I do right now so you don’t have to worry I think there’s only one way to find out
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no limits is that but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the themes would like to my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
all right go straight things started going into overdrive so much that there was a family meeting about it can you do me a favor if I’m getting a wax can you get okay
thank you Dan I appreciate that damn like this specific at this wasn’t a matter of we’ve been married this long get together this lying and I’d like to now make this new request just based on like like all time you know why not let’s make a change this was really specifically like there’s a new problem and here’s a new solution
I want to know about the timeline of like I want to know what the plot point of this monster house is like like like what like when did the kids run across never practice law and I was in a little box and she was like I’d love to hang out and chat about your fucking day but I got to go go get some stuff and also I can get it Lego 2 is hard I’m going to go I’m going to go oh by the way you know what are the places I’m stopping by is Brazilian wax so here’s the card
you might want to think about it and then like like any or like wait is this something that you always wanted and she said no this is something that needs to be done as of 3 weeks ago it wasn’t something that was like
retroactive like she would she didn’t like say like yeah I’ve been waiting
12 years to tell you this I think it’s just I said she just letting you know it wasn’t it wasn’t an embarrassing because that you have been one to collect full of that or because your body has gone into overdrive and you’re producing more Shrubbery down there maybe maybe maybe a better boat
oh well if there’s been previous am I a bad person I’ve never done anything yeah yeah you’re a bad person
no I know your ass ain’t that saved because you don’t jr. You did it so you can see yourself in it
his him not to like the top of the Chrysler Building I shave my balls once when I was like 32 all that’s painful
it was like a week later that’s when it sucked. Yeah that’s what I mean yeah yeah yeah
but
is it braided is it like a notes to course
don’t sell your pubes short I texted my girlfriend do you want me to trim my pubic hair
and he only fucked invertebrates
wait what yeah yeah plugs those are invertebrates right bollocks bollocks yeah well my dick goes like a corkscrews
dispenser dick 300 miles per hour
no response in response to your wife’s suggestion did you did you get to work
I forgot I forgot what they did and then you get a little bit of shit I got to get going. Enough until I mean like
didn’t you do stupid things I won’t do that again
and then I just put the scissors down I have a team of young Korean boys to come over while I’m sleeping I would like to my wife left me
you want to wait for a week if you didn’t wash your butt hole
I remember you’re not going to wash your butt hole
I do wash my butthole when is the last time be honest when was the last time be honest that’s today right now yeah I thought today was Tuesday when I said that so do the math.
Thursday
Friday Friday I wash my butthole early early showing is also didn’t mean you can bleach you can just get it as clean as possible you can really get in there thank you and I bacterial but if your shit right afterwards it’s going to be dirty still very Howard Hughes fucking shit that ended with you scalding your ass hole with hot water I am the other side of the I didn’t I didn’t I was going to go to Pharr RV ously on Friday Friday I took a shower and yes Saturday and Sunday if it’s 7 in the morning call times till till wraps and then
oh my God that’s why I hear it here this time I’m the villain my girlfriends response was why don’t we should bring Andrew Weinberg out here is very gassy but we will be back in 20 more minutes have I read this first as well bring them out first or just is a co-creator of iglehart one of my favorite shows on Adult Swim it’s at one of my favorite shows. And it’s on Adult Swim
sorry he’s also the heart he’s the Chris McKenna of of this History Channel thing I’m doing the great minds Andrew Weinberg
hello Andrew hello here before this time yes yes but couldn’t right now come on Spencer I love it
whoa
whoa whoa
all right the showings for the ladies at the Mount Rushmore secrets from Men
what she asking let me finish the most inappropriate questions like that Spencer I’m assuming she’s okay with Jeff for sure does haha I think that
I think it’s an educated guess. Not have you searched my house like a zen garden it’s like
through the waves and told me you don’t need to for me being never been an issue I mean I would be fine either way that means I’m supposed to that means I’m supposed to tell you don’t ask if we have we have an answer
every six weeks I don’t fuck around sun
who sang laser you’re fucking tonight and if you were a flea market then you didn’t you know I’m like Archie Bunker I don’t I don’t like Bill Maher with that much has Steve Steve unfortunate yeah yeah I have to I have to shave completely or what I have a a in autoimmune skin disorder and it’s really fucking bad down there so in order to apply the fucking medication you got to you got to be too smooth smooth you got to be
did you see that it’s really bad down there it’s a mess those pills that knock me out every week though Co
we have the full the full rainbow appear that we haven’t heard from you by the way you don’t have to participate in our talking about you know gardening no I don’t not at all well then why does it matter what area
I guess I guess the answer to either would have been no but I didn’t know if you might like butthole maintenance cuz someone was talking about that definitely have started realizing that
you know where this is going I have no idea why I started realizing that you’re as you put it you had an Awakening
to the fact that little it had to be earlier than 30 it had to be earlier this River at a certain point you started becoming obsessed with how dirty your ass hole was
your ear but it is crazy that people accept that much shit in them and on them if you like. Bee sees on your arm and just took a piece of paper and find out going a song about my day now
the private thing you don’t see it you don’t see like in detail in in in movies or they don’t show you on car to and I and it it on Saturday morning or anything and your parents just don’t want to deal with it and it’s just yours to find out in did you know thank God I was in in the Improv Comedy scene in back of the nineties because I never would have found out I never would have found out if I want have been constantly drop showing my balls and a beef stick to my friends said you’re supposed to clean it and it made so much sense made so much sense there was a click that happened in my brain that happened and now
beautiful it’s so good it’s so it’s like it’s like surgeons call I promised I wouldn’t call myself a foodie but it’s not
it’s like the same thing you’re a booty. Yeah yeah yeah very important to me but yeah for sure with his way of the pothole stuff cuz he said himself he scalded his anus in a quest for cleanliness that turns really into it more higher level of of what do you call it a Septa SEPTA city is it you know like our alimentary canal technically is outside her body you know that shape the Taurus it’s like a donut you know that’s like a multicellular organisms for him and that’s why then they turn into worms I know I’ve been through this and this podcast before but it’s like like the reason why worms look like that’s the earliest kind of multicellular or like like like saying it’s like and it’s like what
thing is it’s like a donut this extruded that still outside the body with the stuff that goes in her mouth and eventually comes out there but all it is is do it is rubbing up against the outside of a collective of cells the way that sells eat they rub up against a thing as to when you eat a donut the dog you just sending it into the part of your body that you rub up against the outside world so that’s why it’s really dangerous when you I was imagining myself in a highway rest stop for the last like that’s why it’s really dangerous like septic shock and stuff is like windows are perforated you know Crohn’s disease any anything that involves that that barrier between what’s going on in that canal and what’s going on inside your body where there’s blood but you get poop in your blood
aubergine what what do
we’ve got a lot of dudes up here you know what what do the women think did you buy a plus a little bit of trimming what were you think anybody here guys should do that yeah yeah yeah
you know like a twelve-year-old
something like that I don’t really like it like that
about shots fired
clarification
and you’re a cut but I love you like new rules or whatever like completely like shaven and and not at all I got to try to sweep up between like prepubescent and dr. Livingstone I presume
the reference for people that are old scissors you pull the ball hair and then you cut it
bullets because it’s
get up in there and stuff
I’m your future man you don’t want to do that
Dad said that there is a lot that you don’t want to do that don’t do it. Like like like you know I don’t know I guess I was I was not thinking about it I wasn’t really thinking about adjectives lie and I am the beneficiary of of of people thinking about that stuff for themselves about how much would a woman’s pubic hair should be like
Brentwood requested that’s like that’s that’s the snow though that would be that would be closer to a quality than kind of like if I was your girlfriend I would say start washing your butt more then we’ll get to the pubis with it with a companion without without fully play cleaning my areas except in in in occasions of of the few know of a rapturous silliness perhaps to wash your butt
yeah man what’s your fucking Dubrow never going to get you a good day
I got one I fucking love it a separate no no no no no toilet
or your money back
press the button
get one that has a fan and I’ll dry it off
birthday paper
I said I wasn’t a Joel McHale had a hotel room in Las Vegas once and I tried it and what you mean
he was doing stent is that an issue
what’s the temperature mine has three settings
call George S3 warm hot and me Vida Loca
you know it’s like ordering Thai food you know it’s like
it’s like the mildly spicy thank you for writing a description to great minds I’m so busy and I don’t know if anybody out there has been watching right now
thank you and thank you for being here on a very special all poop episode of her poop so bad
poop poop yeah that’s trying to get out of your body but if you’d been listening to my biological dad that it’s a donut that’s been turned into poop by you rubbing against it like a cat no I wasn’t listening
I was by the way
where the poop of stars your
Carl Sagan funeral weird poopy agenda when I please
the donut-shaped Weinberg sentence for creating eagleheart love you very much and can’t you can’t do that now oh yeah long gone
yeah you had your chance
I was willing to take a significant financial hit to prove a point to you you’re a lifesaver on that show cuz you don’t like that you needed like a I needed somebody to be there in a few. I guess since I was like I’m going to I’m going to Wikipedia him I don’t want to accidentally trigger him or anything like maybe he’s a Quaker or actually just looked at your Wikipedia entry
I don’t know who made who makes I I did not make it so late but yeah I was thinking you were calling in but you know at both places you cross the cone and threshold and him too so so so when does this section of your Wikipedia there’s a headache I’ve never even seen it just says Association and then like an association with the Tommy Hilfiger that post and threw that organizations Irving literary Society what’s that mean I know I’m Anna’s well I don’t know I don’t know what the Irving literary Society is but probably some apparently we could
experts say that makes me think someone from the fraternity made this industrial and Labor Relations ilr School
when was to be like my therapist told me in my last session that she’s she’s worried about Steve Levy
she should be she’s never she’s never spoken to him I’ve never had a conversation with a voicemail. Like are you guys busy or yeah I guess I think she made me think that I’m chilling Steve that’s that important but then, you know I mean it was just working real hard until you die it’s all based on what you tell her he’s not also giving his side of the story right now but you seriously just going like I’m pleased he’s just how he sounds like he’s worn down that’s what I mean it wasn’t like about I wasn’t like oh I’d say it’ll go in there and tell stories about how hard it is to make stuff with you miserable so I need therapy
we work the rest of your life it’s good working real hard
Carmen
all right Steve as an example of your sacrifices because I do feel like such a sausage party up here and obviously what we need to talk about is the pubic hair in the butt holes on the other than the balls we need a woman up here or some of the presence of such at so it could you go and pull the car around and give it to say just a just a just a light like buff like I’m not a waxing and I have to get wax 911 and then warm it up like 5 minutes before I hope you know I would if you had a car
all right all right
is that
Steve our thoughts and prayers go to your weird pubic situation
I haven’t hit GoFundMe is a GoFundMe at Steve’s pubes well that’s that’s part of his Allure yeah but you think I’m a good person
how do I get fresh eyes and something didn’t know you was already having a good day to you as well get used to it did you say
the closing again I guess words the closer you are the more you reach a net worth
have an Exit Plan
I have enough in the bank that you can leave and walk out at anytime just have an exit plan it gets worse it gets worse it gets worse not only do I need item and somebody put that to a beats and some music I want that to be my ringtone on my alarm clock every very well I don’t know that it could be put to do with me that’s why you need me I always provided the Rhythm right he was the lyrics and I was the U of a sudden I have a move like that there has to be a script when I show up and then I’m like somebody’s in their jokes and then I got like if I don’t if I don’t know how to do the thing and then I’ll go do this thing where I’m like I caught myself I realized what I was doing
grego like oh and I don’t know how to deliver this line cuz I’m not really an actor and then cuz I get nervous I feel like I don’t know how to do this I’m doing this wrong and I can’t remember it and then it must be poorly written the line of questioning the line and I’ve experienced worse experience where is a different writer on writer cruelty
so but yeah from when I started knowing what I thought I knew about you I think at some point he’s going to explode at me over something and knock it never happened and there like week after week and then yeah one or two little things but I think about like explode it exactly of like like exploding makes me sound like some kind of like like that who you actually are that was what I was kind of me is it like I’m fine with it like circulating the time I always hard to work for but I wish is that one thing it’s like that that idea because that sounds like such a pretentious like throwing a water bottle of your screaming that’s all I really do know something probably worse which is like I kind of like
I’m like it’s like because you have a milk
I’m sorry about him by the way and it’s like the thing is it’s like everybody goes I got to drive back the kids love Robin it’s like it hurts but I bring them back for them and then he doesn’t like he’s doing worse things that I’m accused of doing it but I feel like I was giving you the the same response that you got if I should you shave your pubes like I’d be fine if you have you cooled your personality I have been with people with more pubes in your butt was a gorilla ok now like edit this into something Dan’s going to love
and go and then he’s going to come in at like f-zero involvement for like 5 days and on the 6th Day come in and judge it
yeah and it’s been fine sorry just point your bloodthirsty audient 755
that aspect has been fine overall it has been graced the enjoyment was a fine what I’m saying I went to see a movie and walked out it was fine. How is that sex you had last night did you enjoy and are you said you said quite enough
all right can I just write currently texting how to fire Andrew I was at least pushed into whenever I ended up my right foot is still asleep
how to change the fuse broke
good man
choking choking that put off
is there a just because I feel like if if I want to get anybody from the from from from the other side cuz we are talking about a gendered thing like like just want to get a a lady type person up here
Cube it’ll just be a check in just because I don’t want to feel I don’t have to commit the crime of under Benderson to be representative that you’re willing to share about the welcome to specific thing and time
what’s your name Young all right thank you thank you for your bravery we will not betray you or hurt you would it be really pushing the limits on that what if you were about the Dallas game I mean supposed to trim with a scissors
how big are your scissors I was talking to him orders to maintain borders from the from the from outside eyes then so looking at the mail like when you when there’s been the pants are coming off to give me some guidelines about you don’t like a queer eye for the straight guy went to they said The Sideburns like they had some rules about like where your ears are at your side but should be rules about if I if I’m going to go down there by your ears man
if I’m going to like what am I how do I know when I’m finished
well I would get your girlfriend involved and do it what do you think about this
because it’s really more for her comfort and you guys are the presidents of the high road Club but I am now getting back since we have you up here would you be willing to I don’t want to pry into your but you you knew why you’re coming up can you tell about your personal taste so that just as a yardstick
why do you think you were coming up here
I prefer it to be
shaft

pre-clearance usually that’s what got me into trouble
that’s cuz I I can see that is right I’d like to slow you down because it’s like this is like every you every word is worth a thousand pictures here
the shaft needs to be free and clear I said that I could have got her but that is a lot of different like I’m off of it meaning like it’s like I don’t have hair on the shaft of my texts are we talking about your way home that’s fine when you look at my dick if I’m laying down and you looked down at me naked from a helicopter
is there sister circle of baldness around his haircut looks like a blast radius
play cash app used to be free and couldn’t do you mean it’s a base or do you mean like the encroaching kind of like brushing the hair on it right
where her lips might touch your teeth is different from me freaking out but I didn’t think that these are places where they would could be hair like it’s the touching in that the affecting wait for natural like like Bush down there like do you have like like a big old fat I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t know I’m a male or I get every year from the fire department about brush clearing
ffff specific about two areas now and then
I want to see any any hairs off the shaft right just accept it
Jesus Christ I know what you’re talkin about I know you probably have wires in the base of the shaft of your dick you probably don’t take a look and I might not everyone’s different Dan that might be that might not be an issue for you might have a clear and free shots already
play duckling story what if I have a beautiful perfect froze on the tip of your dick I don’t have that I have alopecia on my penis like to pay about seeing no wonder you guys thought I was weird for not doing anything her preference because if she’s doing stuff with your balls I would keep it trimmed down keep it keep it classy
have you named this imaginary third-party what she would like
that goes without saying and that’s why I try to actually liberate cuz I don’t want her to have to be an ambassador of anything I wanted to like like like like wanted to have representation of here but she shouldn’t what if she think somebody’s they treated her like you you got arrested like she’s an individual I just want to hear what her preference is are so we could do that just because I know I’m going to go talk to my girlfriend and I’ll work it out with her but I’m curious what you have you up here like what the terminology what what I’ve heard you would like I like it a lot of the grass is getting a little long I’m going to I’m going to feel like you guys are mad at me for not knowing how to trim my dick hair it’s a simple you make the hair shorter than it is
I love you Spencer
with your glasses on
and preferably with glasses on the phone if you ever tried it
tell me amazing was just like I don’t do shit are you kidding me really looks like Leo Sayer 888i to what extent is outside help fundamental to this whole thing’s is the you know it’s like and to what extent
what you caught with your cat stop hissing and whining at me like you’re such a Sprouts I know I’m asking a question about about a curiosity to the women’s side of the fence because I’ve heard the things about like how I’m going to get laser and going to do these things and I’m serious about the amount the amount of Maintenance that we currently considered to be fundamental like or default whatever you would call it like kind of like a cultural average or whatever how much of that involves third parties for women and how much for mad because she would have been taken out here thinking about you it’s never occurred to you to pay someone to do it you’re thinking about things you do yourself right well but is very possible that a woman go somewhere and pays someone to do that for her
know that from the audience maybe their leading in there like wait a minute I don’t know who knows that might be like oh yeah cuz that’s how we like it and we were but it’s also like to do men go to places and get it done like a lottery some definite you can
that’s not fair that’s not fair. I bet you have a bad a bad experience with Nair
does Nair
nearest like acid that goes down in your follicles and I burned out the root right that’s basically it and just for some reason your penis is more sensitive to ask to the shoulders were you supposed to start my talk to him intimidate intimidate you know just friends that we’ve talked about this before and they’re they’re feeling is like a guy sometimes demands that they want women to be Brazilian wax like all the way across the board and I think it’s fair to say you fucking do it to let you go in there and have somebody put some hot ass wax on your balls and have some stranger’s rip it off you she goes to place I said you guys go in and do it just yeah but it has to be a referral because you can’t
I just you know just a regular person with a customer to them that’s important like the intense we did this because we’re doing a service that you’re just here to use of the Sexes like operation if you’re one of these people that gets a hard-on when you pump gas take it down the fucking road and look at your dick
did you have any books to plug or anything
the first day of our honeymoon
what’s your husband’s name is like he doesn’t himself what did you guys do is really just get married the sad reality is like like likely I went I went to work the day after I was married and I was like yeah we’ll honeymoon and Christmas and you guys had to wait 3 years
so fuck you in so you could really do plan that or just lay over and then and then fly out here to that’s wow that’s the kudos to Skype. I couldn’t manage that kind of schedule I will will schedule and then I’ll be over to the show that’s crazy that’s the kind you are totally like you know sculpted and and and and consumable by the public
meet me at Savage Darryl finish shambling mound of consumable if you consume a season of House of Cards like you don’t eat it but it’s accepted $0.01 which is that I was willing to occupy that position and in such n such shut up and down to run an idiot you so much for being brave enough to share your
your private life with that said congratulations to your husband and I said thank you very much thank you
I got to go he’s got to go I got to go at the theater
let’s all go
I bet they would have but they follow you. You’ve taken over my show but hey man thank you Robert Rob Robert Rob everybody
the Friendship forgot the gas that we have and it gets worse it gets worse
you’ll be letting me down if you don’t put that shit together I want mashups I want music videos I want the whole thing
well I bet you guys saw a conversation about about my pubic hair
but it was also what we call your pubic hair a sniper’s nest
low-hanging fruit
he’s getting old lady he’s getting old
but the truth is I cheated all up because that is all the better part of my master plan just because I’ve got an ace up my sleeve podcast wise expert on pubic management to Des Moines Brown is here
if you are sexy
hello you’re handsome you’re late as late as I think we’re roughly the same age they hitting you like your sexy Whaler saying and the patches you’re at your ear like a hot Collegiate kind of thing going on right now
who is the who is the black Jeep if you want to go to the Florida Keys I’m sure you’ll find somebody in publishing industry Ebony magazine and he’s down in the Florida Keys right now is just fishing office Millions
and you’re on the policies of about it you have and and about and what you demand and others in the sweater I suppose I have to be frank
I take care of my business clinics finger ship this small but you know I’m a runner and I’ll run by default or we can just
here’s our shears they have their own Avenue and I am a runner and I run long distances when I’m really in the swing and so I have to because the friction of it over tonight like over the course of two or three weeks and you can just run like this is too much abrasion friction whatever you know we’ve had breast cancer survivors up here but I’m really proud of us tonight
I think we’re very brave
good men men you need to check yourself a little bit but I’ll put a pin in it
cuz I’m going to keep it like to the point she said like talk to the person that you’re with that we are but what am I supposed to do talk I can’t talk I do a William hologramas of of my girlfriend to go project, wait what was I going to ask I was going to ask her being as compared to women who survived cancer
what are we talking about cuz like I got a 20 on my fingernails like I’ll be I’ll be like come on
again with you yeah I know what you mean we don’t need them to scratch and Claw our way to Survival anymore we don’t need them no more you should do if you drop a key on your nails for that they’re going to make cheese better put a little handle on them we’re praying makes
for the people that make the handles that go on keys are going to be fingernails to create the tools in the molds necessary
are you are you going to be so elitist that you want to create a super class of people don’t need fingernails and let the underclass have to have long fingernails and make them to make your weird key handle people wear glasses we didn’t just start killing people that couldn’t see
revolver culture and where has he gone
connective tissue the wait what was I going to answer saboteur
how how how how how often it would mean anything to me but it was like yeah what is it monthly weekly probably once every couple months oh really depends on how fast it goes but I don’t think it goes super fast heard my lover say every seven days she goes into a sci-fi flick with Laser Clinic laser at sound does it grow like arm hair doesn’t grow when I first moved here one of my first famous sightings with seal to notice seal Henry seal and I told a bunch of people this and one of my friends who have you having a stroke
play The Barber of our show look it up that’s a reference
I one of the friends I had been a grounding Source telling the story cuz I didn’t have many La stories and I was just he said my friend or my room and I can’t remember Works in a spa or salon on and seal comes in and gets the full body wax the entire body like his whole body he doesn’t want any hair on his body and she said it was once a week I think it’s over feeding that area because that’s where the spa was or something that seems like an all-or-nothing thing if you have any hair at all it’s no good that was my his house or his saying I’m not willing to touch it I mean like I’m just saying when I look at my body of the mirror I’m like holy fuck man like like like like like what what where would I start how would I know what I see how I don’t look like guys on TV you know and I don’t know what they’re like born different or if they do stuff but like when I fucking start man
what a cop looks like when he takes his shirt off if he’s going to fight terrorists
but then I was like to go down and then you look in the mirror that’s like so it looks like you took a paint brush with skin on it and paint it over a hair wall
do they wear how do I get a short of bringing another horrified victim into this process what am I supposed to do I’m like literally I would like I would like to try. I don’t do that I look like when I take my clothes off you put your eyes Jesus Christ how about where she puts her Integrity want to make sweeping generalizations about like they’re not visually stimulated but something is just stopping my girlfriend from from from from making decisions based on reality
said she somehow was able to live in some Neverending Story or something where they think I look like a hot dog or a
Spider-Man or is this part about being going through a full metamorphosis is about just a little bit of a little bit of groundskeeping just I mean like like so imagine my shirt so what you’re going to see if you guys have seen it Ron Jeremy territory like I wearing a black hairy shirt
and then unlike it doesn’t stop at my waist because it doesn’t know that it’s a black hairy shirt it’s keeps going down my thighs and everywhere it’s for some reason because I wear socks for too long when I was a kid but it stops right at my ankles in a reverse Hobbit thing so I have these beautiful Stuffle baby Smooth wireless feet did you know what a reverse habitus
$20 Amazon tablet keeps saying I’m not going to do it I’m not arguing about I’ve been inspired tonight I’m going to put steps I’m going to have Steve schedule Mia X at Steve out of it look if he doesn’t know what happened but I’m just picturing Miss Muffet rhyme standing at the foot of the bed and I’m like kind of greasy ursine fucking hair as a late like like like a Lego Tom Cruise is here
and it’s a it’s not there’s nothing for sale down there anyway it’s like a Hollywood Sign where can I get rid of this litter that will be Hollywood it’s like there’s no sign he know you’re going to pop man to be great is going to draw the eye right to it and
no tryna pop something I didn’t want to not really want a lie. You can’t stop
it’s going to want to make you reach a rabbit alright well I mean about timer Harvey fierstein
I was thinking that the ursine actually entered my head earlier today when you were looking at me where we last shot you were there that was a chair moving shows over no no no no no no no no Jeff went to where we shot the last shot today there was a like a pharmacy and they had a cartoon bear doctor on the wall and for some reason the word for sign and turn my head and you just said it
you look like you were accepting anything
that is a weird and Garrett at the same time at the same time cuz that happens to you just now noticing it now on your radar you if you’ve heard that mathematically exact same amount of time is probably in the Uber to hear I for some reason thought of Weird Al Yankovic and right after that the eye of the tiger came on the radio and I can only hear the Wii
Rye or the Kaiser version of it I never heard that one dryer the kite yeah it’s on in 3D at The Ballad of Rock theme to Rocky 12 or so the deli man you want the Rye or the Kaiser is that grouping tonight. Kind of weird that he broke the parody barrier by which you can’t tell if someone reads you a title of a song whether it’s a Weird Al Yankovic song or a parody of a Weird Al Yankovic parody like like like how would you like write a joke where you’re like from reality popular song can you turn it make it about food in any by any means necessary
how to relieve a song called do you know hates hates Weird Al like really really truly hates them I don’t have it I met him once or twice two lovely lovely fellow he’s a he’s a good dude but I don’t like I don’t like go out of my way to hear a stop at Rye or the Kaiser there yeah I got here but those are the original a waste of money
do we have an instrumental track that’s good enough not a rap beat but like just anything or Jeff I’ll sing a song like a straight up the middle one and then you do the parody of it hard work
let me see if I have
start this has really improved
my son is the straight-line it’s not and I have to do the Weird Al’s version of it
you are my sweetie you are the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen today you are my sweetie and you are the best thing in the world I love my sweetie girl that is that all right
I weird Alibi that yeah
I love baked ziti that’s my favorite pasta at little world it’s a thick tubular pasta that you can put sauce of I love baked ziti right side dish with some meat or maybe some Vision also a squeeze your TT
right now I’m going to do one
inverse show ending Dynamics
turn the ground
I don’t trust it upon you but let’s keep it going and let’s pass the but now you the more juice traits you straight line this one Andrew you wear it out
I’m looking to eat if you don’t have it yet you’re allowed to say passing to do when one of my level of whatever the procedure is that’s what I’m doing
a real song
I like to go outside and look at the Sun and look at the stars that means I go out in the day and the Knights and I’m never inside I’m a monster
that’s a good sign
can I change the rules I want to know more in the second act of monster man
what we know about him so far as he goes in the daytime and the nighttime
we have every right to do these things happen the first one of the most amazing but it was like what the fuc
hello gorgeous I’m a monster man
the greatest hits of Frank Sinatra Jr Jr
that sounds good on its own
the ranch
it seemed like she knows what he likes
aside from the nighttime
I’m convinced that he can do it thank you
limited here. Doing his parody
I like to go in the bun and when I see that if you guys are the lobster can
the larger JoJo said I thought I should
what happened are you act like you forgot something so you can only know that’s not fair how tall is it got the job in touch with food
how tall is tell you I will show my work I’ll tell you exactly what I thought when the pressure was on and I was supposed to get your boards before everything gateway to holyshit this is a toe-tapper have a new Harry Connick jr. emerging I I was like I thought I said I was like well he said I like to go in the sun and I was like well that should be fun cuz that’s edible and then I and then I was like at the Enigma machine
translate everything into food for where I thought I saw a bun and I thought can Lobster came to me that’s good like fucking Joan of Arc Style
direct actually probably went through me dance from the top from the top I want to hear the song elastic
everybody out there is a champagne time
grab your dance partner then we’re doing something called to style dance I like to go in the bun and when I don’t have a phone. I like to go in the car I have so many things to eat but I don’t know what to do with my Lobster can
your cat is sick and will a lobster is fast you can why would you eat a lobster if it was so unimpressed and had to come in to go with the park and when it’s after dark I see the Elephant Man call Seafood South you can be one of them lay office and then matching the thing
but it’s not it wasn’t a parody
that’s how you want to give it a whirl you won’t be straight man or or punchline man I don’t know whatever you want I’ll do whatever anyway you want, to somebody or the one that brings it home because you’re still out and you got you never got that
Jeff that’s awful that’s awful now that’s not a Elephant Man
Hazel Aftercare there never was a sexy young Peter bogdanovich I’m not saying you’re out you’re attractive gentleman Last Picture Show Cybill Shepherd and Lucas window yeah he had a moment he wore glasses but he had them in those big and still the cravat always always are the Stratton sister after she was murdered have you seen * 80 Ghana vitelli my one goal for tonight
no he favors I mean that’s cool or is that he loves you know it’s like his his his I don’t want to spread it at but it’s against what his actress wife was the was the juice you know she was like she was she was she was Dorothy Stratten the Senate of the Playboy Playmate he was murdered and his girlfriend and then she was murdered and then he married her sister was at your house so he he loved his wife for you that I don’t know why that’s all I only have one
Harmon straight line at Spencer
but I will take up that mantle but if you got one if you if you if you’re listening to it you’ve got one you’re allowed to come in and do it like whoever between us has it okay fine like I’m not going to have one I spend the night on Weird Al’s version okay
oh look it’s the Sun and the Moon oh shit there’s a monster bad
got my new balance shoes now running as fast as I can
I got that and a lobster can go and eat this and lobster because I’m a I’m a monster
but now I’m now you’ve gone and put us into overtime we could have
alright so here’s some more from two more play a different song for tomorrow
tip Tip Tap do you hear that tapping it’s the Sleepy Man come to steal your sleep he’s going to go into your bedroom in your nightmares come that’s when he’ll cream ever stop but keep going to Sleepy man’s going to be in your head and if you don’t come home you’ll be in your bed sleeping man is a catch-all boogeyman he’s going to do things to you bad sleeping man’s always following you he’s a metaphor for mental illness
can I give her coming to Hermantown MN Lottery
Heather Weinberg taking Kelly for coming up on State Route trap is left of Steve Levy
Frederick retina time Jeff Davis
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