Episode: 191 – Monochromophiliacs

Episode

Episode: 191 – Monochromophiliacs

Description

It’s a whodunit with Paul F. Tompkins on Harmontown!

Transcript

oh yeah just musical same it created by Jordy white from Marilyn Manson family who is joining us next week of principal on because the new show on Farrell audio hour of goon it’s also airing is so it has made us a lot of music so get ready for a lot of groovy
Smokey Robinson dirty way
I think it’s lyrics at some point too
Premier Apartments
yeah I did you explain that I was getting all ready to take a swing at it for Marilyn Manson made music
he’s going to be on the show in a couple weeks back I like Star Wars and comic books more than anybody in this room like he is the biggest like sci-fi geek in the universe is great I got I got I got Star Wars on my Apple TV I watch hateful eight instead and I like I said I can’t believe I’m proud and ashamed of it at the same time they’re just like every time I like open up the thing like I’m going to watch a movie and I see the new Star Wars I might have a side salad clip of you know Han Solo wanting to use the crossbow and then he’s like I like it I said it’s not for me right it’s not for me yeah I think I mentioned that I fell asleep on the theater then fell asleep in my dream of world
young people I never got into Star Wars man I saw it like a couple times as a kid but then anytime I’ve seen any part of it since then I was like what the fuck is this Darth Vader he’s in this one to is just really crazy to me so it’s just the same thing I’m excited about the fact that they’re what they’re doing industrially speaking I take it they might as well break that thing open and do what they’re doing at a post Marvel world that’s what let’s watch a million Star Wars movies I don’t mind that you know there’s a while instead of so some of that it’s going to be good all different writers and directors and stuff it’s going to be fun it’s not it’s not a secret that Adam Driver is playing Han Solo is am I getting any of this right or am I just sold
I do I think I could take them to the lot yeah I’m getting ready to let you know I’m just banking stuff for you know I’m just trying to put together a nest egg for my retirement now and I don’t need to take any more pop culture I’m going to be relevant 10 years from now when the stuff going to be funny to reference do you know like like when I was thirty-five if you’d bust out a Goonies Joe can people be like
so the equivalent of that right right now for this time I’d be like 70 going like remember is a remake of the remake of the remake of a 10 people really go to bed old man do you have an idea of a time at age 42
I am currently a year behind schedule I spent the day retired if I didn’t have to shoot I was supposed to be writing my book for double day but instead I I I really I really was a bad boy today like I like girlfriends out of town and I literally like you heard my voice last week the guy I’ve been I’ve not been outside of anyone’s company for like like like months and like I just started I just vegged out today and I kept I kept opening up my computer and it going to start raining
like I look like like bulshit time-wasting video gaming to a new level today I’ve just actually made some interesting discoveries I’ve been playing this game called Avengers Academy
on the iPad it’s a it’s like a game for and by 13 year old girls set in the Marvel Universe in which all the Marvel characters are going to prep school and you do you press on a wasp and she says like want to take a selfie and then she takes a selfie for a while and there’s a flake like you could you can make her take selfies faster if you buy kind of crystals are but like you know you’re not going to pay any money right you’re going to beat the game and that’s how I’ve been honest thing for a while and now they’ve got the Guardians of the Galaxy Event happening this weekend or are all through April so there’s like you can unlock the Guardians of the Galaxy they crashed outside the campus and you’re just it’s just a farming game
is getting really scary how much of a science they’ve gotten like our art adjust dopamine spiking a 220 to a thinks of his head on me like I’m not as put together as I usually am but there was a game I found it’s called Adventure capitalist it’s by this is called congregate with a K I’m actually I’m recommending you should check it out like I do what I got to say everybody in the world minimalist like it literally is like you press a button to make your lemonade stand generate money so it’s a progress indicator that goes and then your lemonade stand to make money so then you press it again it again and you keep doing it and after a while if you keep doing it a button appears below it that says oh now you can buy a donut shop
more money progress indicator goes LOL sorry
after a while you get some more money and then it goes hey you tired to press another button why don’t you hire a manager I didn’t go to a thousand bucks would you have done is a whoop your lemonade orgasm when that happened they trick you you’re going to like making lemonade
I said and then you do this is all the way there’s two rows of the iPad if it’s worth of salads to propose at the bottom row is just oil rigs and everything for two days straight because part of the game is once you get like in the quadrillions of dollars you can start you can hit restart you a quote you would you would approve of these Angel Investors with the other day which means basically it’s all that means is that you can start the game over and you kind of like it’s it’s it’s like everything cost differently so fucking addicted to it they like they figured it out like you don’t need a Pac-Man eating dots even like it’s it’s the monkeys will just sit there and fucking thing running right now I’m like I can’t wait to get home in late like can we fire it up and see where you’re at right now
what I want to do with my phone as I brought so so the Avengers Academy back to that
so I’m playing Avengers Academy and see if kids are young adults and they you know they’ve got will they won’t they stories going on and it’s all for it’s all family-oriented with the Tony Stark character of course it’s supposed to be he supposed to be like the he’s like the for those of you who are my age three of you he’s the Mahoney of this Academy know nobody that was for me and you
Spencer’s dad listening to somewhere at home okay but okay so so every time you touch these kids
that was for me you and a couple people
right now I’m listening
go on
and then get a piece of candy and
fan
I know that but it had windows in it and you have to but you can remove them as you upgrade
your crawl space needs more space
is Tim Barry the kids you killed
you sickos
are you but every time you touch one of these young folks that made it better every time you tap on one of them you know they have a sound bite so if you would like I said if you tap twice but she goes like so Fierce they have like 20 random things are sometimes she’ll like whatever happened to romance I think I have I want I wanted to set the tone for you so let’s do it here’s a here’s a here’s a wasp one
started it so let’s get this party started wasp wasp says so you know it’s just a sound like what
can I hear a couple more low-key low-key is going to the academy to he’s kind of like I know what you’re saying isn’t a bad guy well that’s the thing about you when you’re in school it’s like front of me is you know
Celexa like Red Skull come in a leather jacket and he’ll be like what’s up yeah
so here’s some low-key sound bite or one low-key sound bite
so that’s it that’s it
you don’t use the Geico Gecko addicted to this game character is a fan of the podcast I hope he doesn’t do anything untoward to himself I’m sure how you sound fine you should be working in voice over work you just did this is your your your your Clips were poorly directed and poorly chosen for the game because they’re very very long for considering that every time I tap on Tony Stark which is going to be a lot because he’s the best and
he makes everything so like it’s at you have to hear music very long long sound Clips but I recorded a handful of Tony Stark’s soundbite until I got to the one that really really bothers me and I think it’s the last one so it’s versatile just listen to a couple
up that’s not that’s fine. Could you imagine that
why did you bring me to this podcast
no I swear I drop Courtney was here last week
what is my favorite writer tonight one other person who’s out of first date and we met were nailing it somehow I don’t know how I don’t know maybe maybe maybe maybe the girl that brought the guy the guy is like maybe he’s like a Big Adventures fan and he’s like I didn’t know I didn’t know you take me to see a fact I play clips from love to you tonight she’s like
800 number to those roles to give the women agency
I was going to go see David Gilmour from Pink Floyd but I’m so much happier that we came to see this
do the fat guy took the fat guy playing Clips that’s David Gilmour pink Floyds this week if that’s okay I didn’t want to try to figure out what that you were connecting I mean I die even I would say that her to come here
wow shots fired all right
oh yeah it’s funny the funny one so remember that one I don’t mean that he is a funny one remember that one Let’s Get Serious come back to haunt you in a second
okay let’s do a couple more longer longer longer remember kids are going to have to listen to this $500 can I get it can I lose energy kind of there’s one that’s not on here you can tell that the kid like that’s doing the voice you can tell if the director was like I think I think we’re missing I don’t think we’re getting the word assistant because it because of the catchphrases maybe you could be my new assistant
it’s really weird
all right it’s more just has a payoff kind of
add to say he just said
Army of robots
whatever I mean Wakefield great like do it and it’s not a catchphrase
or do they just not get it Nails on a chalkboard
I’m taking a half day now that one’s fine that’s short
okay so so here we go
so two of them two of them start with Let’s Get Serious so remember the first one starts with a fine but neither is he growing up as you go through puberty do know this one’s that you just clipping them but now listen don’t don’t react like after Let’s Get Serious listen to the tag on this one so it’s a different like why they would include two let’s get serious ones I don’t know but this one is the worst is it the worst things that the worst Avenger Academy catch phrase it’s not the worst thing that this is the worst thing ever
and every other is like at there’s like a 1 and 20 Champs you hear this every time you tap on Tony Stark don’t react after he says Let’s Get Serious wait for it wait for the amazing punchline
Sirius is what people tell me all the time
is that a line from the movie that says if you know that’s not a line from Humanity that’s not saying you’re too serious or you should be more serious
is something people say to me
is it talks like that that’s awful it’s Tim’s really long and it’s like it’s just it’s terrible and maybe I lost something in the translation but it’s for the last 2 weeks if it’s not enough to scare you off playing at now I’m addicted selfies I love their all their I’m leveling them up there you know there’s a there’s a little intrigued with the director Fury you know he’s like you know Black Widow is like you know Miss truck full of the Avengers Academy so she’s like there’s a whole thing’s little blocks and things but really it’s just that the farming game alright well so that’s what I did today instead of writing a book
because while you’re playing video games here you’re not sitting like I do
aren’t we are we currently in spring right now this spring 2016 let’s get down to work on this book has been telling me
you got a month or two left.
Okay how are you are you are you clipping along are you making
I’m not trying to be a really good introduction and I think I have a title and it’s an autobiographical as a young adult
there’s please write Young Adult Protective Services
so fucking awesome once this hits the New York Times bestseller list of people to come back to make a what book would you like right next to that would be heaven on Earth or maybe a young Tony Stark
solve this mystery is something I should really be staying to myself right now
it’s just it’s just it’s just weird right Spencer it’s it’s almost too upsetting a joke to even try an eight and make fun of you know I’m kind of like not laughing at your making fun of it that’s how bad the original joke is so upsetting
sometimes Madness can be its own Segway close cousin of the harmontown family but I don’t know if he’s ever been on a harmontown or not I can’t remember but maybe it will let’s ask him certainly people that lives in was probably know who he is I I recently called that made you know called him out his middle initial and demanded to see his birth certificate I don’t I don’t know if he’s there or not but let’s let’s let’s let’s get to know Paul F Tompkins everybody
hi hi everybody
High internet
if you received the one Dave Cline Standing Ovation right that’s right I read I don’t know why I did this I did no idea why I did this I read a Navy Club a comment section under underneath an episode of great minds this thing that you’re going to do an episode of on the my thing on the History Channel which has now been rebranded history so that it’s confusing because history is so do you think
people will look for the show just in history who box was there anything about Dan Harmon show in here
I understand what they’re doing cuz they’re saying well channel that sound channel that’s my grandpa’s TVs name but if you take the channel off of History you have like a you have just a word a very very very vague word
huge word that they’re just laying claim to this pretty bold
it’s a stupid name your TV show Community or something like that was the second trending algorithm it’s true
hi Paul I’m sorry I should have told you Paul Jeff here. What’s the comedy of work right but speaking of which what was I thinking but then someone linked to think I don’t know what it is if someone’s tweets a Lincoln says like this shows great and then they treat a link to the review of the lake get tricked into thinking it’s okay to read the review offers podcast
I am so sorry about that I mean but somebody had said nothing to me like hey isn’t this the same idea and it’s it’s not really the same idea and also the idea for the author’s came from Steve Allen Show called meeting of the mind which is what this show came from as well fire red corset and The Daily Show guy who created the show and hired me to see if I’m headed over to the History Channel old enough to remember meeting of the minds with Steve Allen had in the back of their head I wish the show was entertaining
you grow up and you take power from the grown and it’s Audio Only is it is it have you committed it to the to the look he’s Army we would do like the live shows we would do in costume like we would do it you know in front of an audience in cut in costume in character of all time
I didn’t come up with I didn’t come up with the dead authors concept I just came up with the idea of doing it as a podcast I got invited to do the show it was invented by a guy named John corn in San Francisco fruit what works for 826 up there any idea what they would get someone to pretend to be a dead author in costume and they would like to do a Q&A with people with an audience and then I got to have to do it with Jen Kirkman and Eddie pepitone for shown as the first time I did it and I for whatever reason decided to be HG Wells and it was not decided before I hand out the show was going to go and so the idea was the three of us would just go out in front of his audience of in different people and we would field questions from people who did not know it was going on and he did not care so I said how about I moderated in character and the Hulk is he came up like right then like let’s say I transported you guys in my time machine which is real and so I’ll ask questions to
get it going and then hopefully the office would join in which they did
that’s three in the afternoon at the West Hollywood book fair
and that was it that I was a lot of fun I said well it could easily be a regular show and that was the people that commit such a huge dicks by pointing out when there’s a. They’re all connected
age of didn’t stop until until it was Rubble just charred rubble and I don’t know I don’t understand when did I start trying to convince people I was thin how many times do I have to parade around and go look how fat and drunk I am
I do I don’t like some
it’s not about it that’s it that’s funny but you’d rip off a podcast to Google podcast someone is this week
I should just be a comment section podcast where it’s just I got welcome welcome to welcome to what happened I don’t know is when I logged in that again but you didn’t never tell you what their commenting on potatoes
which which me is always the person is going to turn this into either race or right vs left there and you read this one links to a thing that you’ve done it’s very hard to have the self-control to not look at what people are saying then knowing that right under their there’s a bunch of fucking people talking about it and they’re weighing and what they think it is so difficult of a shout I was like this episode wasn’t that great then I go straight to the comment section as I have Adam boy’s skeleton clothes in above you like a
baby. Cuz I said the Spencer on the way home I was like I did at the 800th time of 43 years old I’ve learned this lesson over and over again I don’t know why I went there it’s the only thing that you could say was it is just like losing a piece of glass up off the floor just a because of the face that was a really good mood and went there because that you really have to run the thought experiment of seriously really seriously run the thought experiment of what happens the day that you click on the AV club review and it says well whatever the reviews as as it is just a repeat of the press release on the top, it says like Harmons never look better I think I’d like to say to you is very original I think I think he’s on top of his game as ever kudos to him hats off to him very funny very young looking very thin very sober
I salute you said I’d let every comment for a thousand, twas couldn’t agree more. Do you like scroll through that and then you’d go I don’t have to go there ever again
editorial
go to Ingo apart of like your self-loathing
what wouldn’t I mean I haven’t ate this hypothetical say wouldn’t wouldn’t you just automatically just trust all of that the unanimous praise wouldn’t you like find a way to so I just said
okay dear you criticize me or agree with me you’ve never looked better
I can blow him up for the rest of the night
I got eyes on the hook the Kool-Aid
Carol Wright
get mad when people tweet tweet at me and they go by the way I will ask you some questions later they are they about you
V
bingo
I’ll try to involve you in this
head either positively or negatively but with that like handle out of like hey I know you don’t like it when people are positive but
no specific categories of that subject I know you do I know you don’t respond to people being nice and so fuck off but your shows awful and I’m like okay I get it we run that through the Periscope in the mirror is bouncing used language ho fuck off the Rick and Morty but but but I know you don’t care about people who like your stuff so sad but but but I thought I’d tell you anyway and I would take back those people fuck you
put it out for you you interact with people a lot online right
so they know this
show me the biggest
because I don’t I don’t respond to a ton of people and I don’t I don’t really I don’t like respond to any certainly not anything negative unless I am a thousand percent sure that I am it doesn’t bother me I mean like I can make a joke out of it and I can quote the things they said to make a joke out of it if I just think all this is dumb and it doesn’t actually hurt my feelings. I just saw the hateful eight last night your your character says if you’re if you’re hanging somebody if it’s if there’s an ounce of passion to it you should maybe shouldn’t be hanging up
so when you’re responding to a tweet you’re still think that’s what you’re saying is like you got it you run it through a filter of like a Mite is there anything happening here where I’m just not like kind of like you know a good professional like dealer or Pit Boss at the Tomkins Casino in my job entertaining like making sure everybody is like being dealt with fairly makes me laugh if it’s like someone’s trying to say a mean thing but it just makes me laugh I’m like oh this is great and then I will do that out but I so I don’t I don’t respond. Because it’s like we’re done to me it’s like where does it end and it’s funny any wound or any passion in it or any like
there are people that just want your attention and some way or another and so and I’ve seen this happen with other people where I’ve seen like somebody right like to know what they wrote a bunch of positive things didn’t get a response and then or negative thing just to get a response from this person this is why I did that giant part of people poking you is because they know that you might you might fire back at them and then when I find over and over and over again is that there’s that that eventually they will they will unfollow me and block me because they don’t want just attention with that like going like so that’s the game we’re playing like you just want my attention cuz then they go through all the phases rather like what kind of loser are you paying attention to me and then three days later they’re like leave me alone
under my eyes are we what are we done I don’t want to talk to you
you got Dan Harmon on the line with you what’s going on how’s your house your blog
anyways I would say the people look like absolutely of course all this is true when you when you send a positive tweet to somebody you know no news is good news you know what your money and you takes your chances you know what I mean like you you write a thing out there
the idea that you write a thing because this is genuinely how you feel about it and it’s not supposed to be about you know what you do horse you hope that someone will respond I’ve written positive things people that I admired your laughter album or TV show whatever no response and it’s like oh I would have been nice if the person he has something but I didn’t feel like I was it was Mariah Carey Mariah Carey
when she split up with Tony mottola I was so proud of her and I was like I wish someone would have told her so I can tell her all about it I’m not good on the timeline with Wind Mariah Carey left Tommy mottola Twitter was alive with that boy why is his mic so loud are you an auctioneer
I’m like a slow roll auctioneer
gift found all over the Tex-Mex areas of the country is that my that my is that my imagination cuz cuz I think he just got such a strange voice
is that no one told me not to yell so I’ve been yelling the whole time I’ve never trusted these things
damn damn what what percentage of your applies to people did you do ever reply to positive stuff you a thank-you nice to hear for myself what fucking 38 years I’ve been on Twitter or whatever it’s been I’ve got I’ve gone through different phases where cuz that’s got to be where I’d make sure I’d actually count and I’d go okay 50% like like like like I just it just a shove it up the ass of the people I hate and like thank you Nancy very nice to
fucking asshole that guy back there yeah I like it still worshipping at the altar of hatred
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss go in a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, no one but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures and black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes out the themes would like to my own life but is always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like you’re always in good hands
adventures in Black Cinema what Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
hey Paul it’s made I don’t have a lot of suits made for myself a bottle of stuff off the rack I’ve had I had my wedding suit made for me by mr. Lee of Fairfax Avenue very grumpy Taylor did a wonderful job making my Taylor was killed by the Triads for sharing his suit Making Secrets
that’s the story they like you to believe now your mic is way too quiet
because he’s not yelling
quiet talking about the Triad
call modulation
are you hearing me explicitly through the system you’re on your own and when I listen to Jeff Amplified I don’t know why it’s taking me 200 shows to
what does sticky Salt Lake why does he lick his ice cream cone
ice cream
cone
but that’s a problem for someone I bet there’s people that can’t eat ice cream in a cone because they ain’t would like the cut the ice cream to be the same color as the cone so they’re stuck with like coffee butter pecan maybe we’ll be at the closest right
yeah I bet that’s the case
I mean is it you think it applies specifically to food is just food I need all my food to be the same color
why can’t eat the fictional people
is sexual the perfect timing
every 5 minutes regardless of the topic
yesterday we were like we do the show everyday
what’s going on
what’s the real deal with it between the Hillary supporters in the Bernie supporters at its sexual
which is what got Gloria Steinem in all kinds of trouble right but even a broken clock is right twice a day
I guess that is when in doubt make the offended sound so you had one so you have one so I’m assuming you still haven’t you haven’t had it destroyed its offense
that is eccentric and I love that you have a suit that is exactly the mayor from Jaws is suit with that with the anchors on it that’s what I had made as well of course you didn’t get that off there that was made by Depot not far from here few doors down from The Improv this guy’s to Bo makes he was recommending Me by Adina Gould and I had wanted since I was a child the Blazer that the mayor wears in Jaws cover with anchors powder blue kind of see you in Turkish
no Larry Larry Larry King Larry Storch Larry Larry Gilmore
damn it
send her another name is Larry Larry Vaughn
see I didn’t even apply
so I heard I searched high and low for this jacket

start searching for tonight cast
I couldn’t find the jacket itself
about it on another podcast and someone with a video game close to the house so I can get a few yards of fabric and I take it to the Maestro Steve-O and he’s very sad he likes making unusual stuff so he was very excited and it was perfect it was like I had enough material to make not just the jacket but it’s fire suit tired three-piece suit you meant the best to always a pleasure.
that was a taste of Jeff’s new Farrell audio podcast
you listen for it
I’ve been married 6 years this month
yeah so it’s so it’s so it’s so it took it took cuz if we don’t spend a lot of time together we have separate residences never actually got any wood not married
that is great. She’s a mirror and just got another me oh my God I thought that was it
is long enough to say I here’s the secret to marriage and it is now
it starts getting pretty close I mean
I think that we’re going to go the distance but you don’t know you know you don’t know and you just drive as hard as you can and that’s all I know so far
who knows what’s going to happen and
catch-as-catch-can alone
how long were you guys together before you were married we were together for five years before we got married with ratio like a sailboat actually you know there’s more sailboat going on underneath the water it sexual
your lead up do you know
which is not to say anybody was listening to get married I’m just saying like like people who try by officiate at his wedding he’d been living with hate for 7 years old by I know I know why don’t you shoot yourself
hahaha
cuz it dilutes the taste of chew it
ironically the generations proceeding us as the sort of a version to living in sin increases so does it seems the longevity of the marriage right Trump’s parents were probably I’m going to guess I don’t want to get invasive here probably didn’t but until our wedding night I don’t know that they married right out of high school and they’ve been married 50 years and I was like oh my God the it sexual
who knows I don’t know what is this going I don’t think there are any guarantees I don’t think anyone people are individuals and they and they have their own methods of doing things and anyone who has something successful whether it’s a career whether to marriage whatever they assume that their way is the only way because results speak for themselves but that advice might not apply to other individuals it’s like you just can’t live your life by other people’s again what are we all applied the Jim Belushi method of becoming as famous as Jim Belushi where we made our brothers become famous person
I need you to become famous then again out of the way if you know what I mean
everyone misses you there like he kind of looks like him
easy target come on
I don’t know anything about it because I knew she
is she a Spaceman is she know she’s an assassin sent to kill you but don’t turn around and accidental Love Potion I don’t remember a lot about Willow Buttonwillow
who was Willow and Willow which character was thank you it’s sexual
but yeah Val Kilmer and I know that Rick Overton was in that movie where two brownies they’re like little tiny guys I love her right thank you
I got to check this movie out again
McLaren
is she Nicole Kidman
I want to go but I guess based on actual like like like good matches for you
is your wife
Paul Rudd
that was a great very close Hollow Road
all right she’s an actor into this her.
I thought you were cuz if you would like
her name is Janie
she is an actress she is from South Carolina we met in 2003 through mutual friends who is Rachel from mutual friends are going to Kevin
Empower Adventures lately we both
Paul Rudd independently of each other and my wife spent her I want to say 30th birthday at the disgusting karaoke bar prime-time here in Los Angeles with Paul Rudd and some other people she was she was working at I believe she’s working M Bar at the time as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met her. Really why did you M Bar then do so what did you perchance meet her doing Beth lapides to show no to mbar I think until after we had started dating already so I met her at a different bar and I was I was leaving as she was arriving we overlap briefly met then
I’m right behind you where did you move to LA from Philadelphia Pennsylvania 1994 seen you in a very early days stand-up show at the Onyx Cafe on Vermont first show that ever did was there I think their first show was at Al’s Bar other versus show
not going to say I remember two things about you remember okay just guys really funny and I like your style you had a great vocabulary and I’m good command of the English language but also Rumble Rumble soup and then you become this like exquisitely dressed gentleman and I love that about you I think I just could not afford to have things not run cold in those days I think that was like all of us
smooth as silk
so I don’t know if that was still true know I resigned from that I did it for a while and it was I enjoy doing it for hours and interview series my interview Dan on it and we had a lovely chat with it still available I can still find it on YouTube but I did it for a while and then it just became another thing to schedule in my life and that the returns were diminishing it was because we would shoot them for at a time yeah and so like the first couple interviews like this is fun this is great then Marc Maron came in
are you walked away for that when you’re in like what am I doing
I did it so long after Marc Maron believe it or not but I had other things going on and it was like it just wasn’t stopping fun you will find when you come and do this for history for the history flux that I I am approaching that event horizon burnout by last count which is good like tonight at 9 or 10
you been here this whole time yeah I didn’t have anything to chime in until just right there
about 9 you know that’s what I got friends are you enjoying being an actor on the show it’s weird I mean the hard part about acting as best I could tell is memorizing and reciting lines and we kind of do it all improv ystyle so it’s just like whatever you think of the say just say it a lot easier when you’re not trying to hit lines
yeah I know it gets frustrating when I come in and to go that scripts Dumber throw it out we’re going to improvise stuff but then when you you did a whole scene he did like what an hour and a half two hours of straight improv with Nick Kroll just too looks like I’m not spoiling anything cruel play Sigmund Freud and he be psychoanalyzed Spencer for 2 hours it was all one take just answered honestly he’s the perfect actor like you do you’re protecting perfect and then and then and then and then Steve Levy came in and played himself and he did it perfectly to we’re not going to do to our tanks right
are we allowed to know who Paul is going to portray I like to you tonight I believe you’re going to play Edgar Allan Poe that’s correct
the postman
the the place where my wife grew up on Sullivan’s Island South Carolina there’s a lot of post of there because he spent all over the place he’s been a good amount of his life there and his his store the gold-bug is inspired by gold-bug Island there in South Carolina I have no idea I remember the go back for the Richard Scarry novels is a children’s author and I never knew how is this another Berenstein Bears or either way haha
how’s that working out for you remember
is it going to pronounce anything
that’s probably why I got divorced Lavar
a Hellfire back no that’s why I didn’t come because I knew you weren’t going to stay married
who’s going to go back and forth is going to be a whole thing me and LeVar Burton and then it’s like you have to go back through the tweets to see where it started but who was the first one to say something starts with him gone like hey I know you don’t respond deposit should so fuck off
do you have children
that’s something you don’t want to know know I don’t think we do I don’t think we do plenty to go around then
they want of that.
Children themselves and be offended
children
somebody’s got to stop the hardest part of being a parent is going to where the child food is kept and there’s like all the
and it’s like how we going to get in there cuz they’re just like the kids only spent over the trop and I just
Connecticut Falls in red light goes on everyone else
we got a situation here
do you want to be a dad
I used to think like the second half of a full life would would you do involve having kids and I’d like I’m I’m I’m now post-divorce I’m like sort of I I figure I made mistakes that affected other people’s lives by making assumptions about what I was supposed to do what I wanted to do
is sexual
and so I’m just trying to sort of In This Clean Slate kind of modron fetishizing uncertainty my therapist told me don’t be certain about anything Dan Harmon
who was very formal in particular have a problem with certainty who doesn’t
I mean I Sherlock Holmes like you cuz you fucking nailed it on the verge of the re-watching Fantasy Island
what’s up what’s his name with Malcolm McDowell like cuz it’s at I just Chris McKenna talking about it is is well-regarded is Orange is the New Black it was taken into a million pieces back that it was like the misleading
someone was talking about last night yes I did a talked about it but I would not regard as this
you guys are talking about content and specificity of that stuff I’m talking about culturally Back Then There Were Three networks The Incredible Hulk series won the Emmy for best dramatic series
the dramatic show in all fairness
of the best best female lead in a dramatic series was the bionic woman before they change the name of the category sexist it used to be best best female lead
the
anyways Fantasy Island was a show where the seaplane would land and a guy.
scary pictures
they don’t know a guy in a white suit would come out because first what would happen is it is a little person I know the seaplane with land and title sequence for Fantasy Island Resort where all your fantasies come true
Woodland and 3 guest stars would get off in same as The Love Boat on the love Jacqueline Bisset will get off and and and and and and and and tattoo with a tattoo is William salkind he wishes he could be three people getting off the plane but the resort was what happened to mr. salkind is he would end up being a concert pianist but he would also find out he didn’t really want to be right here where everyone would learn a lesson there was like Oh Henry Island
everyone was satisfied at the end at the end they’re all like hey guess what mr. But I got it because your penis after all about it thank you so much if you would be so kind as to tell no one about what goes on here
care because it had so much for showing me that my fantasy about being a gentleman in the 1800 led to my misogyny and I had to solve it and all the shit but no one’s going to come here for that right now I want to hear if they got what they wanted and then some like they all walked away gone I shouldn’t have wanted that
things like Derby thing like you’re like some little nerdy dude is like I want to be a big He-Man or whatever I want to be like a cool guy and then he would discover that the coolest was within him the whole time he had to clean the pool you stood up to him what the fuck
dollars
expensive
reactors are putting people in alien costume for kids Halloween costumes
in later seasons
it was revealed that Mr Rourke had mysterious Supernatural powers and we learned this when he had to do battle with the number one pick to play Satan
a lot more sense but if you can’t do that let’s say Ricardo he’s got terrible back pain it’s all he can do this is actually true it’s all I can do to shoot like just miss Ward’s parts
of course you go out to Roddy McDowall real era of Fantasy Island that was free super Supernatural where they didn’t yeah they did not acknowledge that he had powers it was just like I remember is like two women that wanted to wanted to experience Adventure or something and they woke up a dinosaur times like you know ravish them whatever the whatever the 80s term for it it and then Mister Rorke came out of the woods going on
she was like Prosthetics
when they would show so they would cut their interstitials they would they would give us his fantasies going on he’s a concert pianist
Mister Rourke and tattoo will be walking or somebody be walking to the island and there’s all these people that aren’t working their their customers to they didn’t get off the seaplane what package did they get like and how much of their fantasies are happening are they just getting anal beads like they don’t get greeted by mr. roarke that’s like Captain stubing a table if you like one or two nights instead of one of the play The Briefing happening as the people are getting off of the plane was like who is this one box looks like I guess I should have told you to tell you
alerted to the presence of the plane tattoo I put a folder in your room every morning I don’t even know why I got to do my fantasy we all know
being lazy
episode where tattoo had to be a Spaceman had to be a little Martian and he had to put on green makeup and a ball cap and everything so it’s it’s very unclear as to how this whole operation works and I think that in the in the earlier before if you know Satan shows up they they tried to I think the idea was it was just mysterious like how do you do this he’s like I would you like to know and I was just trying to let us hear when it’s 9:11 on the clock
it’s a little too rich history that people never forget to do that
you want a broken clock it’s 9:11
remember twice but five years from now in a way it went when McKenna and I do they cuz we want to write this pilot and it just it just is not gold bullion idea either but I’m sure you’ve come up with it as well but that’s like the ultimate workplace, he is just like what the fuck is lizard skin in the study so many things you just signing away like look
a vampire might attack you
and I’m sorry but you either want to work here you don’t I bet you find out if you talk to a worker at Fantasy Island long enough I bet you find out that they’re like there there’s like a tiny like. Like like right under their hairline and unlike there’s some weird microsurgery that’s happened over there like they’ve been lobotomized. You’re right it’s magic and they just forget when they fly out of the fog of Fantasy Island
Los Angeles Raiders room cuz the kids have the kids do you know there’s no rain he was like guys guys guys we’ve been over this the minute we jumped the shark people are going to ask why does Mister Rourke need money but why is he running a business if you like created a Fantasy Island right now hiring by me all day long that we’ve been to the Renaissance Faire I think you could find people I bet there’s 10 people here who want to do that
is high-stakes LARPing man I’d rather people will be all all over that ship I used to be going to get killed by a vampire breast great like kind of a
murder mystery kind of evening where there was no just like one person has to be The Pianist but I don’t know
I just imagining every other people that for the shower I’m so drunk it’s only only the first 40 minutes of the show is usable show up when you get a card but it says like oh I’m the I’m the piano player but like you just said that the people keep going through this I want to hear it
do it the way I married my ex-wife you said we had to have like you would have liked these themed birthday parties like her parties like like like we would try to get everybody together and try to like create our own things are bad or she actually ordered online and stuff like get really into those things and she did that was so complicated I still don’t know what was happening do a painting nail in that one you can send a Gmail
Dan and Arin shut up video a video how did anybody catch that like we were freaking out like you cuz you didn’t catch what the rules were or what the hell is a lot happening with arts and crafts and there was there I think of murder and then some people go to Guantanamo Bay for a while but it was you you you were notified a couple weeks in advance like what species of alien you represented so they were like oh where the garbage people and so they were like like like people who made clothes out of garbage and Bubba blah you know you were one of several different species and all that stuff but
extra rules. Whatever we have our own problems
you know what’s the best case scenario of proving that are in the Gatti’s birthday party was shity
are you asking me do I know I’m not prepared to answer that
there were too many rules too many power crystals and things in the basement there would that was the prison if you did something wrong had to go to the prison anyway so I just stayed in the prison
are there earlier in the year before that there was a murder mystery that has gangster thing and I got killed like right off the bat and so I just I got I died upstairs in a room at nobody came in for like an hour and a half, I’m going to lay face-down for as long as it takes
and I like by the coffee table in a way that there’s no way you could possibly landed there like I might look like I died and it was complicated we don’t we don’t know what happened
okay now I’m face down in a pile of dog hair forever for the rest of my life
what was it before people discover do maybe 40 minutes
what people kept dying I think I was one of the people that died by died right off the bat somebody came up and tell me that you’re dead and you’re not allowed to say that you’re supposed to be dead on the spot right okay so I laid on the ground but I realize nobody was looking for me I was up the Attic
what were you doing up there I was supposed to go up the hill
how to do a good one of those you know I like that would be fun like doing doing like you know like it into it I wanted it I was like I was like I want to be at twenties guy
guys
right now I am probably a quintillion are on my
I can’t eliminate my iPad so I don’t care you want to try a little murder mystery planning and
all right
oh yeah you stay there
oh yeah
what’s the what’s the quick way to do this okay
it was going to
are we going to buy I was going to try I’m going to improvise like the information you get on like a murder mystery night card okay
have you been I’ve been quite fine and bajillion dollar properties that’s great how are you
call a package plays the patriarch of a of a realty company I just got to lose it I told you my pleasure I had a great time I can’t wait to see the other fish before they start rolling was out o you know
we had their day and then they pushed it and so now I fell and then we didn’t say that are dates so now I feel even more love to say to your day June 7th of this year unless it gets pushed it was going to come out earlier but then they rolled it out there like it’s going to be the bench model I can’t talk to you anymore
the more you talk to Jeff that’s ER
are the first place in England right now the Lester Fox’s yet we’re just like the Bad News Bears winning the World Series last year and they look like a well-oiled machine by the host of the ship has brake pads.
brake pads for a second to chat out to the people who I got it from Bendix for these Bendix so you’re all going to look like the guy that I was hired if I needed to have somebody assassinated old whaling vessel
it wouldn’t get to know everyone
well maybe 220 people aboard those just look larger
give me Moby Dick Powell I’m not Read Moby Dick but I read in the heart of the sea the book that was about the the the the trip inspired Moby Dick movie if you saw that I heard from you at oh shit
oh my word this storm is giving me such a fright
how do you say the weather is a bit drinks right now it did well hey come on you guys
is it is it going on
well isn’t that your way the sneak into a room and take anything you want out loud
I haven’t had the pleasure of your acquaintance
I didn’t expect things I didn’t see you on that.
I am the butler Mister holsters
closest to the language I was being treated with by this gentleman over here
all have complicated backstories
that overlap with each other and intricate ways

yes for instance I’m an Explorer you can see how that weaves into your complex stories
an Explorer than we should have enough to talk about I should say you should you be well thanks for coming here
through such terrible weather this being the front room of the of the antechamber there are six and two Chambers each for the front room but I’m please come into the drawing-room while it is a very idea of all of this masculine energies is giving me the vapors
I’m sorry Madame I’ll take your coat I don’t believe we’ve been introduced money with Madame Beauregard I am a lady of the South
well that’s a very well-developed character play thank you thank you you know my agenda and a region I come from
turn on the Fly I mean that start Weight I British
oh yeah you had your coat sir very careful with this is green felt why is that if you want to put you in you getting to the sandwich you sound to be a man of Academia until I became a single man and then I focused on specifically the economics of The Bachelor
I think that’s a lot of community
what’s what’s what’s your name butt munch
profesor Buttmunch the economics of eating the peanut butter that goes further than that you have to understand that the peanut butter is crunchy directly out of the John simply willing to do
oh I forgot about to go get the door this is the lady lady Florentine of the thanks for having me get to be here
housemaster
names of very very imaginative or someone coming up with them right on the fly like this very colorful I will agree you say the name is spoon erson
cuz they went from one side of the stage to the other
got so caught up making up the name that they just threw in your occupation at the end of the witch was Explorer
oh God the Lights Went Out turn off the lights.
I need something I can still kind of see everything everybody except for that one camera phone the life of going out
I can tell you is the bachelor sometimes your lights go out when you least expect it you thought you paid ability of the month
play I found it I don’t know who did it
hold on one second there was a there was a chainsaw in at 2 so they may well have been in a college
I do apologize
I have a horse prints and gunshot in chainsaw marks all over we’ll have to stay here until they show up so bad not only can they hold him and they can ride a chainsaw
I’ll be holding up the police are there
ma’am I would suggest you take a look at the movie called The Shining
is Missouri River
Scotland Yard is here up to take them to Steve leaving the store
detective Steve Levy
kids fairy the detective I can tell by your stance and posture you are a lonely man
God damn
so when the degrees.
I want my own dear husband was murdered murdered spouse
Ford Motors South Dakota motor inspection
what is this just fantasy
how old was murdered by an owl
what is a thunder what circumstances he was arguing with
well let me tell you this is an active
figuring this is an active crime scene I think everyone should clear out will but we’ll put around the yellow police tape draw the outline of the body will bring in the crew clean up what Julie was dignified company has so do you need us to leave the room while you do hope this but maybe maybe you should stay and help me
hello
that the suspect in the murder investigation of stealing the crime scene it seems I am just a woman from the south
well one thing is for certain said if it would be all right with the constabulary I believe the deceased Corp should be removed from the antechamber and just saying you had to sit down
Goodwill take it will take two people who will split off into a different scene to move her body
but this is a grisly Affair been accustomed to being around bloody scenes before British now
call April Taylor. Might be willing to volunteer to assist this rest galyen
what say you
Shelly I don’t see any reason to.
Well
highly suspicious
well if it isn’t a crime scene investigator that’s suspicious should we move the body
what are wheels that was clearly invitation why these four different people asked you to come to this Mansion you won’t regret it
well if it looks satisfy you further to know that I received a similar invitation with simply added bees a butler
do you mean to say you are not a problem I never showed himself to strangers of a murderer who is supposed to keep your accusatory at I don’t know anything about anyone here I just I just arrived as a body
maybe I heard my husband got murdered sometime ago she says
well I tell you one thing my wife disappeared in much the same manner as a death
by the hands of a man a man took her away with Wiley Wiles
Maleficent in my house that could only be described as cologne I know it because I wear to such a try to procure another late are you accusing me of something that sent until tonight
what are from That’s So I guess it’s true I did run away with her wife
she hates horses
any of these who’s the Killer
this summer has been conspicuously silent during all this
I forgive you not Rubio pith helmet in the presence of a lady
why are you so strange because there’s two things I know one thing is that I’m an Explorer and two things are that ass Master embezzled but much at some point it’s a plot point and that might be relevant to this whole scenario we found ourselves in because otherwise why would I know that
this is it, Master Storyteller of the top of his head with spiders web of delight and deed let me ask you a question of these two gentlemen to the lady of the Florentine Gardens
it’s a fan of this you Horse Knives
very wide handle the attached to a horseshoe
the only one person can live
but wait
what’s this song
of the family hosted
son of host gilded Craftsman in the art of hospitality
is it not true that you are domestic Sherpa and that you must be skilled in the carrying of all things domestic and otherwise in a household should something happen either economic problems or you’d be the only one in this house that has access to the horse stables you are true after a fashion my friends however
SGP layers of my face off are using our use the actual master of this home are you are you the owner
what would you have me do live and not do that. Don’t do it is unpleasant I would expect nothing less of all of you
omega-3 pills Ricardo Montalban
that’s right
it’s my house and I invited all of you here because well each of you should know why one way or another you’ve all done something wrong to me I think
Colonel a Taskmaster are you done a lot of wrong things to a lot of people did you once tell me that you would rather see me dead and this is falling apart
after a few glasses of port wine I didn’t say I found another trapdoor but only I’m going down it
secret tunnels miles of them
we must be some kind of a destination Welch Edelman I feel like we’ve learned a valuable lesson here tonight
some activity peanut butter straight out of the can of his field tunnels and riddles nobody Chase to me
Target leaving Springfield
new light down here I can’t
I ran for miles and I can’t I guess I could go back the other way but I’ve turned around so many times I can’t tell which way I’m going now
I’ll walk this way for 20 seconds and if I don’t encounter anything I’ll put a mark in the floor like a divot that I can feel
did you find years later
hi.
Happy birthday to you well Professor I can’t believe it’s our 5th Year here I think we know who’s that
in a way though. Kind of I feel as if we become our own little family in this Mansion say hi to my wife if you happen to leave
I found a nap that sounded like a bird but I’m not sure
my wife if you happen to leave
oh yeah I will for sure thing I can hear seagulls I’m going to make my way towards the sound hopefully this will be my last diary entry
hopefully because I’ve published these tomes
a rocky Shore has it been so long since I’ve seen the light elaborate Labyrinth of caverns and passages have gone all the way under the natural Limestone of murder Island
why terminate here why I put a door at the sheer cliff
soundmax me
I did a bad job hosting that murder mystery
play Jagged rocks invite me to my recompense it’s what I deserve and that’s the only way I’m going to come to terms with the loss of my wife now so many years did meditate on it I feel much the same Professor I feel as if I’m finally ready to move on and turn the heater to a charge of the Winds and it says
so ask master was the murderer
as for my death none will question it’s caused
it’s murderer was lack of preparation
Champion pants up and you see seagulls fly into the sky did I turn into one of them
or was it just a rating Sports
we don’t know
I that that was a really good murder mystery night
you guys did a pretty good job
with a couple hours of preparation to transcribe that and I think with a few tweets we got a pretty good script
I knew that you were supposed to tell some people that they know something about someone else but I think I I don’t I didn’t realize it supposed to all lead back to you just told me your name is Colonel as master and you did it
that’s all I got and then I said your professor but much and you stole your wife and then I sent you his Southern Belle in my husband was murdered right separate thing and I said you’re the butler that way I need to go to the mountain no way you’re the Explorer right cuz I realized I should be the Butler and then you walked over there yeah
and then leaving I didn’t tell anything what you gave me those complicated if I told you after a while I said yeah you were dating beauregarde’s and that you guys wanted to ride in on it I was like what the fuck is going on at all.
I should have told you that was a real dead end for me
it was my Perfect Crime
all right well but yeah you’re saying it’s time that time to end the show and what have we learned what have we learned tonight
we learned that Paul’s married is true it doesn’t have kids
that he has a show on a seesaw called bajillion dollar
created by kulap let’s try to come up with a good job saying her last name I was going to touch it
vti stock
all right next time I’ll say it just like I’m saying Johnson our friend cool upgraded it it is supposedly pretty good I’m biased but I think it’s very funny it’s like a it’s like an omage to the to the to the treasure chest that is the unscripted realtor shows which are all insane I’ve seen some of them they’re filled with monsters people and your character’s name is Dean Rose dragon
is like the patriarch of the real trick we learned that demorge still is really took it to heart when we said that turtleneck with sexy last last time cuz I’m sorry that’s bullying I’m bullying
we learned that Steve has to do everything I say we learned I’m an explorer
Jessica loves clothes
I was at some days when I go I know it’s not close but I come back at the end of the day I’m like I can’t I can’t quit you close
check in right now the mics are on a hair trigger but the lights are locked down locked in place
you have to go to a cabinet get a cheese Slayer three-headed dog Roderick lights God mad movie from the 80s most of all we learn to love
what is sexual sexual
I was surprised to learn Adventure automatically against murder mystery role playing against games where the ideas let’s come up with it right now
and that’s you know this is the experience that’s that’s very fair that’s quite Fair
well I guess I guess Dan is going to call you never been on the show before this is the part where the where I guess Paul sings a little ballad for us
I’ll be happy to do your I’ll be happy to do the music the rapper that comes in the bridge
Norman has been assigned by the label to help bring up your first
I love this ballad
alright let’s try
how do you tell someone It’s Time to Say Goodbye how do you tell someone that the time to fly up into the sky
you just do a little, but there will be a breakdown after before it’s okay
how do you tell someone that is Time to Say Goodbye when we met
you ought to look in your eyes never forgot you said you stole up from the pet store
Colleen you told her pet for me and I said
pets
in for a penny in for a pound I saw your mama outside of the ground round but she said let’s go to the pet store I want to pay for dogs no more do you got to pay out here with PFG and he’s
Evelyn love with you like a snowman pet store pet store
second verse
yeah
bfpe yo do you say hello to a new lover in your life, has a knife he said I’m going to motor pet store employees
what happened to me my new lover is a pet store
2 * 2 to the 4 I put for the gas for when I got eight more I’m bad at math but that don’t mean I’m going to read and doubt if I come to the day I’m on the side walking on the street I put your mama’s face and a hat and grab your feet your mama told me she told us why you texting
take me to Harper’s Tavern
Damaris Brown
Chrysler Crittenden
I’m Jeff Davis and Harmon everybody
oh yeah

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