Episode: 196 – Problematizing

Episode

Episode: 196 – Problematizing

Description

The Doughboys drop by Harmontown on Mother’s Day and some insane improv ensues. Watch the video at harmontown.com/live! Become a member!

Transcript

Hollywood California Meltdown Comics the Nerdist theater harmontown is now in session
Treasures Crittenden everybody
Bedford
and the mayor of Hermann, Missouri during Herman
what’s up Dan I thought I had a new note-taking method but I don’t know if it’s working very well thanks for coming
those of you that dead is it a Mother’s Day we got out we got some some light ticket sales Mother’s Day Game of Thrones maybe it’s not funny you guys did you call your mom today or text
what was your text I said I just text her a bunch of Game of Thrones spoilers she said she’s a season behind so
and I was like what are you doing you’re ruining everything and I said I didn’t ask to be born and then I hung up even though it was text
how do you think I’d waste are you are you I am born
I can’t tell who’s winning who’s losing either win or you die I don’t even think you can lose I like that guy what’s her name is Searcy who has who’s the big guy that does not hurt like the mountain and he’s like a mountain guy and he just smashed and dudes with the best
as promised you I mean I kept thinking was it are they really going going there with that and I guess that’s what he’s going to do until I told you backstage last week that you asked about Jon Snow I said he’s going to go and smoke with me so I can get it. You know he’s been kit harington’s been on the key art and all that stuff so I’ve been just I’ve Been Working Man At 6 of some remarkable I have a required this war will have it headlong into a horrible debilitating addiction to incremental tap games is that now I know what their
all that was the first step of the way they do in criminal tappers and I was like in criminal tampers that City’s games that I like I’ve just descended now I just have five games I switch back and forth between them on my iPad or just like you just tap a cookie and then you make nine cookies and then you can get a super cookie and then you just keep tapping the super cookie or whatever you do to build a bakery in the desert like a 288 in Denton and you still convinced if you hit a plateau looks like looks like it’s going to take an hour to build till like super super chocolate chip level and then you switch over to a thing where you really got a moon and you just like keep hitting the crater and it’s a bulldozer to like saying it’s insane there’s that there’s three games tap Titans I keep switching between that and I take the same same people make tap Tycoon
these are quality tap games but they’re they’re they’re bad for your life and then tap Galaxy which is more of an 8-bit Affair or you just tap Tycoon Tycoon your little guy remember I told you guys about the adventure capitalist we just hit the buttons that represent the business as well as long as a little more stylized graphically there’s a little guy and then if you tap the air above him dollars for him and he grabs him and stuffed him in his all pockets
and then over time you can buy businesses and it’s really just the same game but it’s just like there’s a little dude jumping around obviously it’s my therapist were here she would say so in other words you found a way to keep your wheels spinning without with reduced accountability there’s no chance of choosing right or wrong there’s no human to interact with her disappointment that like it’s amazing how much I’ve been reduced to just I’m just freebasing dopamine I’m just like that guy that got up on my I was at I was at 8 in New York for the weekend and I was hungover as a wonderful time with my with my lover and we have a great time but the nights I sat up and I looked in the mirror that was next to the bed and I just I said oh my God I’m a gorilla and someone should just teach me sign language
for me to learn sign language
all right so my chiropractor you know everytime I miss a session he did he text me what did he say to
he texted both of us for real
I’m trying to find his okay they all say hide and you missed your appointment today at 9:30 will you be able to make it up on Thursday at 9:30 doctor and I wish I could tell you his name cuz it would be like what name so it’s like it’s like it’s like dr. Gary like like like when it’s worse but it’s like it’s like George Clooney he looks he’s sexier than George Clooney back you like a fucking sexy George Clooney just fuck me up what’s the best guys get to use a last name it seems problematic by the way
I I had a delightful conversation with a millennial if brought me another step further into my relationship with Tony with them everything about them on paper which should be it should have been like a just a bad evening of talking to them because they’re getting their degree in it’s just something that suggests that the world is fucked by a very interesting was the transatlantic Colonial literature but I wanted to be funny and I wasn’t particularly with a view on like because it’s the slavery. It’s like imperialism colonialism and and that’s what she’s mostly interested in and so we were talking about like slavery within like the literature mythology and all the stuff I did she use the verbs that I’ve never heard before she was like well I just you know and I know what I’m trying to do with my latest paper has no problem with icing this and this and that brought problem with x
how do I wait wait your problem at izing but she’s like yeah and I’m like wait oh shit I got really excited because problematic a problem with sizing is the act of making something that you’re pointing at saying that is something I said yes yes God damn
sizing a fucking jack off you know
I enjoy problematize and that’s why I’m so goddamn happy
it’s a thing I like to do it’s like the equivalent of vandalism only instead of a brick wall it’s your buzz you know it gets fun I’m going to put my mark on it I like the problem at eyes and it’s actually looked it up it’s a real thing and I like I was like wait okay yeah problem problem ization you can’t say it if you had a single drink but it’s to consider the concrete or accidental elements of a term writing opinion in geology Identity or person as challenges problems then invite people involved to transform those situations it’s a method of Defense authorization of Common Sense say that sounds punk rock and lateral and inventive and interesting I think it’s what we think this is how do I problematize something like what does that mean well I got a problem with that is Mother’s Day
this isn’t nobody’s it would be problematic to tell you how the problem at eyes but they take his because who are you know Wikipedia is a problem with the LIE started my processor to ask the questions who is making the statement for whom is he or she making it why is the statement being made here now whom does the statement benefit home does it harm a good way of picking somebody up people involved to transform something and I think that’s what gets left out a lot I think that if you’re like so problematize Mother’s Day and say like you would have to ask like well who came up with Mother’s Day you know that would require some research or what I think I can call Mark right I don’t know man you’ll have to look it up that’s the pic the other problem is that a lot of problem with the station seems to be a kind of hobby what is based on zero research
you’re all the way in to just kind of saying like this sketch offended me like who
the sketch will you’re either going to say the writer is and then you got to get into all kinds of problematic like conversations about the was it a black writer was it a white Rider if it was like for instance like ice catch that was like the black news and it was pointing out that black people have a different point of view I don’t like like you’re like you’re now you’re bringing a bag in there into that airport I like unloading it or you have to be so vague that it doesn’t sound as provocative like you have to go it’s people like like like or just the media the media has added again the media is talking to whom the underclass the impressionable black people white people the audience that just people I don’t know you have to like be subjective and speculate and assume or you have to like just be really vague and say there’s a box in my living room that I don’t know how it works and I I read some stuff online about kind of how it works so I’m making some assumptions if I hope maybe the intention of this thing and I’m kind of problematize dang it I think the danger
is the obviously problematize a while fun and I think it’s great to say I love doing it I think that kind of like obviously doesn’t invite discourse so this is the problem that you see online all the time it’s just like it’s the it’s the white redditor going like actually actually I like trying to problematize the problem is is a shin that’s being brought up problematically because everyone that your guys remember to problematize something is not to ask a question it’s not to provide any information it’s actually it did just to put it in the most simple terms it’s to its to take something that everyone is assuming in the room and then to start to ask why is it why are we assuming this which is very healthy if you’re dealing with for instance the Catholic Church saying like no this isn’t a pedophile and ask the question is it when you go out look at that it is but there’s a research involved there and there’s an invitation to transform what are we going to do about this but
if you if you invite somebody to transform circumstances that they’re assuming in a negative way that could be somebody sitting in a room and they’re wearing a hat and you just go you should take that hat off because I’m looking at your hat in a different way and I’ve found it problematic and not only am I just complaining about I’m actually also inviting you the person involved with your hat to transform part to protect Partners transformation is a problem there and maybe your hat has a swastika on it so this is a good thing maybe if maybe you’re in a synagogue or is that just contacting contacting contact maybe your hat is genuinely problematic the problematic nature of probably has a shin inherently is that if that person isn’t wearing a swastika on their hat and you aren’t an acidic they’re just a dude with a hat on so if they say anything at all you’re already in a conflict you set the table for conflict that’s why it’s probably called Problem
Citgo station at because you’re just finding them you’re causing problem you’re saying take your hat off and if the person ignores you there a fucking asshole and if they say I have a problem with your problem as a shin with my hat then go Pats planing to you and if somebody has a son is very problematic I’ll stop it immediately know you’re going to say stopped at splaining my problematization I’m trying to do something so confused I still don’t know we’ll just it’s not it’s not a group activity so
well you probably will you problematize an active thing or it is a method of criticism is it bad that I think it’s good one time per conversation at the top of it and needs to be heavily mitigated with the expectation that somebody might tell you to go fuck yourself because you haven’t done any research and don’t know what you’re talking about because it takes a really really really long time to see us catch on a television show to go from there to writing an essay about it requires more than typing I think if unless you’re going to just make people laugh if you’re really going to try to make people think and provided new information you you’re going to have to call somebody at the production office of that show and ask who wrote this what were the circumstances where did the sketch originate from how is your show structure
writers room look like was there was there a rewrites on this thing how did it end up being this particular sketch then you have to go around and find out how people received it and what happened and then you have to still bring it all kinds of speculation about who benefited and who’s suffering I mean all those things are going to be really subjective now here’s the thing there are situations in which is not subjective at all and is really easy and those things seem to be like a flan for Pebble is a shit lake lake I got damn I hate this fucking word did Donald Trump come free problematize you can’t fucking touch the guy he’s a Rubik’s Cube and all the colors are the are the same on every side it was Senator says
if a senator says Arts education is a is a waste of money in urban schools because Urban kids tend to get Urban jobs you can problematize the shit out of that and start talking about how Urban probably means black and white by the left is our rapist you have nothing to do but go fly a kite
Donald Trump to be making it Trump supporters why is he making it to get vote who is suffering who is gaining angry white people it’s you’re done there’s no there’s nothing to do the danger of that is that if we’re addicted as a culture to problem at Isaac has an activity might just be that we think that would work done doing that we’re done doing everything and that we don’t then do what you know Woodward and Bernstein did which is take down a fucking dude take them down looked it up in books go meet with people in parking garages how do you take somebody down who takes himself down constantly to be all the worse the guy is a pathological liar I don’t know the 90s I don’t know what’s out there it’s like he had Hitler speeches next to his bed I guess you know I don’t know what to do there’s got to be a way to find out or order
do you know how to barbecue and there was this
I just need directors were there and one of the directors of saying the guy that’s doing the
the Albert Brooks and Louis CK thing and then apparently Hitler was really into poop this is our housekeeper had to keep changing the sheets because every time they got together there was shit every where I felt like he was really into scat play pooping and Hitler for me
meaning to mention Eliza are on the Archies band to fail that’s it. Don’t tell me when he goes home he has an interesting things going on I had a micropenis here I had one testicle at he likes to poop on people like he was just a bad guy
he what he peed on his nephew says somebody in the crowd
verifiable evidence
he peed on his nephew under what circumstances
all right now
who is making the statement
are you dead are you going to travel a diet that fits some cat some kind of Hitler hater
her home is here she making it do you know what you do you know do you know why Hitler killed himself
true true
verifiable unprofitable facts
well whatever
that was a that was a bad Hitler joke it’s a great Hitler joke all right
like the front like the I like the funny Hitler jokes are like oh do you know why Hitler did you know you know why he didn’t he never drank why is an angry drunk tell jokes very well but
clear as like an Abe Lincoln or a Dracula like like like where it’s just like oh you have to invite him in before he can come in and I like Hitler has those little roads but then like the actual minutiae of the extermination and the addition to that taking that and going like what a Monday
all right
what was any joke when you walk through this process and it really was a pleasure who is making the statement someone telling a joke for you or are they making it an audience why is a statement being made the person is trying to be funny who does it hurt whose benefit anyone that last who does it hurt anyone that doesn’t I mean that’s kind of what kind of been known for a while and right I’m going to get you anywhere either is it what’s it what’s your current favorite joke or all problems academics for whom are they doing it academics why are they doing it here and now
possibly to justify the existence of Academia who does that benefit
okay but but you know that’s just me dumb splaining Spencer I talked to your mom today oh I said Happy Mother’s Day know I don’t know she texted me a couple days ago is like I’m I going to see you on Mother’s day was just like one of these things where it’s like oh I guess I’m not going to text you for 2 or 3 days so I don’t want that man I don’t need that you’re texting me am I going to see you texting me and you know that’s what I want to know I don’t want to know that I don’t know it just sucks man it sucks I hate my parents I hate my family I hate everything it’s no good my grandpa’s dead he’s fine I mean he’s dead but he’s fine like no one it’s fine
so I don’t know your parents at all no no they were no no they were no no
ya know you think this is a day that you you might be like come back around to be friends as I feel like these are the times that it would be happening and I’m really going in the opposite direction so I mean I got to figure that out if I want that to happen What would have to happen for you to become friends with him I don’t know man it’s just it’s so much so much like nickel-and-dime shit you know it’s not like some big falling-out happened is just like this happens all the time in this happens all the time and at the end of the day it’s like I don’t want most of that so I’m I’m I’m here you know that’s why I’m here back in the old days when we first met you that you felt like I’m responsible for their relationship and kind of like you’re kind of a caretaker right here yeah I think that’s still the case or no no I mean will my dad lives in Columbia I mean he probably has a girlfriend or something right now he’s he’s taking care of himself and my mom like a hobo or something she’s she’s like couch surf
Shannon traveling and stuff she doesn’t have a stable residence as far as I’m aware so I mean who knows who knows right
you know what my pin thing with family is that you don’t like them at some point this is there was a syndrome that started happening where is like and I haven’t talked in awhile and then it’s like I’m 43 so they’re getting long in the tooth like we’re getting to the point where after a long life of like fruitfulness
and tradition and stuff you’re supposed to like partake of this tragic like third act where it’s like Bittersweet you know I don’t want you know I don’t like this because of our kind of stigma against like a sickness and stuff like I don’t want to say certain words out loud because all sound like just the epitome of evil but I just have this weird feeling about like like well I don’t even know these people at this point and yeah I’m going to start now cuz now is bad time to start and it’s like in for what for the benefits of family because I feel like I’ve been cruising without that just fine all this time and you know it’s all it’s all been good so now I want to go into that morass just because that’s what happens on television like it seems dumb and a little bit of a slight right if you didn’t get like the whole like
other side of it or it’s like your family means alot to you
this holiday season when the Grammys are for the stockings are out they bring your knuckles around the Christmas tree it’s like it when it’s really just more dysfunctional than that you just kind of like them and the other than that like the cable knit sweater is in the Golden Retrievers in the like God dad again I love it when we come up to this cabin in the Hamptons of every every winter and sure we have our problems and remember when Gloria to smoke weed and her to rehab but now she’s okay no seas and then I got to go away for the weekend
who is wanted to do more I know but you did Uncle Herman
but if Uncle Herman was like you know why I get on board right before the meet meet ya
cuz it just spend it it’s like just a flat line up until that point it’s like how how what what is the peak that were hoping to achieve before the inevitable pit at 6 it’s like it’s like yeah it’s like if you went to see a matrix movie and it was just about to Keanu Reeves like fighting the a million agent Smith so you’d be like what this weird educational video
play I don’t want to have to explain to you they were the first movie and I was kind of fun
if you met your damn if you met your mother or your father at a bar like strangers do you think that you would have anything to talk about like as if you just met them face value as strangers I think I’d like my dad and I know you could have a chat you could enjoy each other’s company
not a bad way to spend Mother’s Day talking about I think it’s there I think it’s an opposite gender kid kind of thing to do but like you know I think Mom’s got a bum rap from the mail kids cuz they nurture and they they they they they they are there and then ironically you can you know you cut the strings and you can you don’t look back and go like what a pal you look back and go like you know got us Monster you know in any case not a human you know like you really need to you really need to have like a human relationship with your family or or or you’re not going to have one and that’s a statement that really powerful
like like just just really annoying when your mom passed away do you feel like going to be a loss like what will be subtracted from you this is a bad day to say anything but yes
so yes it’ll it’ll be different than when you when your father passed away but you know they’re not that they’re going to be like unresolved shit that I haven’t worked on it and I wasn’t so young I didn’t know her but I wasn’t so old that it meant a lot more but when I look at what it when I remember my mother she’s so much of who I am like it as much as I’m genetically my father I look just like my dad I am intellectually my mother like I have all of her emotions like her brain
and it’s like when I think of my mom today it’s like she was so fucking funny she was so cool and I didn’t know her long enough like I was 13 so she was kind of hard going like it was a little bit heavy to be around my mom cuz she was at intense but I wish you was still around and she was like the funniest person I ever knew
my mom got me my first typewriter
my first Commodore 64 she always made sure she told me whenever I said what what should I do she always said do whatever you want she never said you have to be this or that you know she never had a career plan for me she always said just make sure you you you do it because you want to do it and make sure you’re really good at it if you’re going to be a garbage man no offense to the garbage been listening but that’s the example she would use if you’re going to be a garbage man just be the best garbage man you know that there is an end and make sure you’re happy doing it so she was super on your side like also she threw things out you my dad and I would like my birthday cake
but it was carrot cake I didn’t even want it
the caretakers that is the is a Lexus of cakes I would I would I would give up a thousand birthday cakes for the story I got which is my mom threw my 11th birthday cake at my dad
I would I would give up take forever to have that story be true which it is and I just like here’s your D&D books I didn’t have time to wrap up and I was like hey man this is awesome I will let guy let’s I let us bring our guests we can continue to talk about this but let’s bring some some some some more two more dudes out here. It’s like I don’t know if you care about such things but it’s number five I happen to know that like the most popular Farrell audio podcast where are we I think it might be a piece of shit
fucking probably yeah he’s probably love probably they’re probably counting a astral people
is it in in the in the in the in the listeners numbers is like Greg and Greg Spirit are both
listening
in this lightning right now right where were you standing right in this lady you have become more good-looking than Russell Crowe
he looks like shit you have
you crossed over into being better Russell Crowe our guests tonight
since I have a podcast called the Doughboys on Farrell audio the the review excuse me David’s a review of franchise restaurants
it’s it’s salt of the earth it was my burp assaulted the Earth
Jesus Christ to know every little detail about their their their their very much they’re related to our family by a lot of mutual cousins and things we can talk about that too so we can we dance shut up you fucking Millennial puke
Norman Lear that was the most intense shit in the world I know and then and then remember when Dustin uploaded the podcast and it said normal Lear 93 years old is Biggie’s work to the business for a hundred of those years hippie to get the get the get the incense out of your mouth
the Joe boys are here and we’re going to get to know them now they are Nick Wagner and Mitch Mitchell the telephone Waze
that’s a Mike Mitchell right name is Mike he goes by Michael and it goes by Mitch work cuz I said the information I got was it’s Mike Mitchell he goes by Mitch and it was like why am I going to share the genealogy
I just say it I don’t care about myself enough to even care what anyone cost me when they when people ask me I’m just like your mic I don’t care I don’t care what they say it’s fine with me as long as I don’t like make anyone angry what they think I’m doing right now possibly do you have to work harder than that to get on their good side to grow up we’re on the we’re on the we’re on the same side then how to make do you know it’s not a good look to tell people you love their podcast that’s not that’s not bad right I got that you know it’s Dustin. He’s a producer he thinks about these things he’s going to give a thumbs-up or not doing
why is it called Doughboys good question I mean I would say that we are doing men eating unhealthy food so he was bad at one point I didn’t know if I remain fat oh and I’ve never not got that but he was a fat guy at one point he’s your Thin Man now towards the Slender side there still a layer of pudding over everything like I’m not like I’m like huh. You know I’m in pretty good shape though I used to be a lot better. We both kind of have the diets of guys who are bulking up for an Academy Award winning role and so and so it’s just like we’re as far as a comment on that do boys felt appropriate the other one the runner-up with side of guys with that I think we made the right call
I went dead silent under 30 I’m 35 I’m 33. I couldn’t gain a pound then one day I was sitting at Rob’s I was with Dan we would get to Benito’s tacos every night and I think I gained a pound his first pounds
he framed that he framed it like a car washes Growler. The one that you and Mike and Mitch on and there’s a part of me that thinks that this is all like a seven Style by you to make me fucking fatter and fatter and the time goes on if you were fat and you got send Nick what it was their method you used a lot of my listeners are always always looking for a new technique it’s he told me his I mean like I’ve been through my weight as yo-yoed a lot through my life I was like a fat kid and then I got skinny late in the air like in early adulthood when I was like 18 19 I was like very thin the best day of my life that I pumped up again throughout my twenties around 29 I lost some weight again and the factor late in life
earlier in life when is initial weight loss adjuster and swimming I just burned off a shitload of calories I think like with which I’m saying just just just that much of activity and having that young metabolism but as I was older I found that I had to restrict sugar and restrict carbohydrate intake and just don’t have a very strict sort of low carb dish diet that one of your most recent podcast I picked the one that had my friend David Phillips on it I never got to the part where you actually there’s this very Charming post Karina Longworth like dump of information about the restaurant you’re going to be talking about this is that every episode episode with this kind of just Loosely plagiarize from Wikipedia but makes me sound and feel smart
so I like to say it answer to get a little background the restaurant and then we fuck around for like 45 minutes and we finally get to the restaurant we talked about that for pretty much the balance the episode with Steve and Joanne are you just trying on memories of eating at these places or do you ever have to study up a go before each episode the two of us go either together independently sometimes with our gas to the restaurant and in question so we always have a fresh perspective on whatever was visiting and sometimes that involves to dry I drive to Gardena to visit a Long John Silver’s that sucks and I’m talking about in March we I ate 18 T’s burgers in March
please I’ll take it I have nothing else to I love and burgers throughout the month of March was for the podcast so it’s it’s in an attention and it is a point of contention cuz I like Wendy’s he likes in and out burger and then I voted in the final I voted for Shake Shack was when I voted for make sure it’s good it’s really good what is the mean it’s important to note you guys aren’t snarky about the whole thing that you’re not you’re not Foodies that are bashing on these restaurants for being less than Gourmet you’re actually partaking in the you know you’re opening the hood of of a staple of Our Lives which is like these giant corporate chains and you’re approaching them as if as if you were talking about real
where does that word is that where did that passion come from where did that pass and come from where did that fashion come from you put do you put a good Twist on it cuz I feel like we just I mean we like all these restaurants and we want an excuse to eat there every week I feel like in that was a big part of it and then what do you get when you guys go to I mean there’s a new restaurant every day and there’s another one closing and if you wanted to everyday you could just like and there are people who want to do this in particular I feel like it’s an age thing like my younger friends are have no problem going let’s go eat at this one place I heard great things about it and I always know that if you heard great things about it that means I’m going to be sitting in doll furniture
elbow to Elbow with strangers a meeting you know not to get all 10 Alan about it but also the portions are going to be small and then it and end weird like some deliberate way some offhandedly fucking deliberate way and whereas then there’s just like holyshit can I go to Taylor’s Steakhouse every time I go to night + Market song You Know night + Market song I’m always afraid I’m going to fall through the chair every time like nervous and embarrassed but what about that cuz we do like I like all types of food but hip individual location places but there’s something inclusive and comforting about chains by Design you know like it’s a different experience going to a Mimi’s Cafe or a Chili’s in their whole it’s calculated a corporate level to make you feel included and I don’t know anyone to celebrate that atmosphere
not like make fun of it, something that you live in the country that’s the only ones who have access to what are the things that you have concluded what what connects all of them you’ve done like 50 episodes of this so there must be there like overriding psychological principles at work in a successful chain restaurant like what would you you’re the smarter one of the two so you go for it when you say make you feel included I think it’s the phrase you used make you feel included or invited what did you say exactly put it on a trip that was the perfect worksheet when anytime you’re at a restaurant you’re paying for the survey paying for the food but you’re also paying for the service you’re paying for people to pretend like they’re your servants for a little bit and like I feel like the better chain restaurants I fundamentally that’s what you’re dealing with people to store a dote on you and take care of your every need and act like
how to pretend in this situation you’re a higher status of them but in the real world you might not be you know so I think the effective the effect of chain restaurants kind of just have that experience they just presented in a way that you would it in in the in the a good individual location restaurant a franchise why they kind of have you they they make you feel that way in and one restaurant we reviewed very highly of the stain Hillstone it goes by many names Houston’s you may now is the most popular late is very high in addition to the food quality so I guess he’s reliable in an in an airport and its own thing it’s a no man’s land from a class perspective it’s like
you’re talking about a middle-class thing like and going out to dinner being not something you do every night possibly doing it with your family and loved ones and there is like I guess that it that there’s something interesting about that like they create Little Worlds as if it’s part dinner part vacation like you’ve come to Islands
tropical Double Dee dooby dooby do do they have like they have like little sayings and they have little and they have outfits and they have a whole theme think I just realized that that’s not I don’t know what I ever thought that was I died had a problem that I used it yet I hadn’t looked at it like like lately and I ask myself I just that felt like that was just sent it than just a slightly better than her like holy shit I I almost died like like like like like typing for this is sticking out of my fingertips and I want to make sure I get treated right and said you know that’s what the big giant parking lots of the big blinking sign that say like look there’s plenty of room here the runway yeah I feel like especially now there’s there’s that thing of there’s there’s two there’s two things I play to that I feel like that kind of what will separate the good from the bad and it
it’s the the quality being good across like all the restaurant that we can like keep a standard of quality and in Los Angeles and that somewhere in Wyoming like everywhere you go it feels like kind of the same level of food then that’s like a minute and then the change that have failed have been ones that are that kind of like you go to a different place and I’ll be good and I will be bad or they just add in general we went to this place that I had fond memories of for my childhood Caro’s a West Coast chain bag and it was well reviewed and it was well Revere do the place that would be like a treat and now it’s kind of it’s dying it got bought out by a larger company and it went from you and I think it’s a bit pekid add 60 locations now it’s like 12 locations we went to one in South Pasadena which was like one of the only ones in the greater LA area as it was just it was a real sad sad thing we ask the weight we were like what do you like to eat at this place and she was like nothing she said that
you said nothing at all and Riri like nobody has right pudding
well I think that’s I think that’s what they have like the entire clientele except for us was was older adults was seniors with think it was like oh this is my comforting place that I’ve gotten used to but I think it you know I got to I got to go to Sambo’s or are you too young Sambo’s yeah no problem I think I might be still one that they just sent Barbara oh my God is still there and they maintain that’s why it’s called Sambo’s Santa Barbara from the logo the logo isn’t the sun set behind a ship where is Barnaby’s where were you when I was a kid I thought there was only one Barnaby’s that’s the other thing when you’re a kid you grow up whatever but but but
kill myself so I can go to hell and have everyone there tell me to kill myself
men we would love to have you on the podcast guess we talked like we talked about fast do but like 70% of it is talking about killing a person
behind a podcast dedicated to review and chain restaurant food that I guess you have to go to the Philip Morris happy hour I don’t know how we want to kill ourselves like that never stops after day by the way if you’re having conflicted feelings talk to somebody that’s not the same thing at the same thing that you’re feeling hang in there and talk to somebody all right going to leave only footprints on this world and I already fucked up at that Chevy voicemail and I owe their last thing I need is the BART Barnaby’s was but also I care if you’re listening
restaurant Italian restaurant with a pizza place and it was a darkness and and like stained glass chandeliers and stained glass windows that didn’t let any light if you were eating there during the day and then and then there was like a little window to the kitchen like some of those places have we could watch the guys make the pizza and I don’t know I don’t know why I bring it up because well because I never knew it was a chain I just thought it was misplaced that it was in Milwaukee and my family would go there was our big that was our place that was that meant that like like Beyond let’s go to McDonalds because it’s a bucket kind of night at this was like it’s it’s special it’s like a fucking Kind of Night and and we’re in a good mood and it closed
I think it was on the heels of Chuck-E-Cheese it was Chuck-E-Cheese for adult tomfoolery the logo is in is it was in Miami Vice style blue neon and you would go into the idea was that the parents could hang out in the Swank 80s Wingery kind of dining environment and and there was a stack of free tokens for the arcade in the corner which is like a grotto you just stuff your kids for the evening
but like like I’m Pac-Man’s here to solve that problem like we’ve got the ship figured out Reaganomics man Barnaby’s in Chicago and it was identical I wish I had so many fucking firefight that was like a week can I go to the bathroom and the answer is yes the entire floor plan the entire place was identical which is another crazy to go to chain restaurant is like you could have you can have a memory of your favorite eighth birthday and then you could find one somewhere you could like have all those plastic bags we we just we just recently he’s got something going on we recently went to Chuck-E-Cheeses speaking of tomfooleries episode and I’ve never felt like I would like a pervert in my entire life
go to Chucky Cheese with Aaron I went
like I’m dating but the best time in town ever
I thought that’s how you do it you should I keep our are there still Chucky Jesus there is there’s a lot of them actually there was way more than I thought there was like 250 and pizza and their location there’s they’re still alive when the tickets come out if you’re slightly pull up keep fucking coming attack here’s another life hack if you’re 11 years old in the 80s and you don’t get invited to a Chuck-E-Cheese birthday party you fucking like you’re you’re just you’re off the grid unpopular even come and show Creator later on in life
neferet was like oh Steve is having a Chuck-E-Cheese birthday was like there were no there was no discretion because those parties are just like just tell basically everybody to come as a buying their Pizza it was like it was like a Midwestern thing was like just show up just didn’t want me there who did who did not invite you to Chuck-E-Cheese I said Steve
I’m not going to name of the last name no I mean the people who wronged me have suffered believe me
what did you do I didn’t do shit I’m goddamn Herb N words sometimes you have the pleasure of hammering people using you as a hammer if you feel that nature actually it’s like torture them or they they actually got their comeuppance I don’t know do you think their goal was to like just keep loving football and was that supposed to make them like really happy or something terrible happen to that person is there anything on their Facebook profile
yeah I told you I told you baseball was dumb
I don’t post that on their page
but I say it to myself when I masturbate crying fall asleep
and I don’t come a lot
I come desperate sad little droplets
well after hearing this just be clear Nick and I don’t fuck it all we don’t fuck anything but we went we went to I want to Chuck-E-Cheese by myself and then my friend
for those of you who aren’t video subscribers
Mitch Mitch isn’t Mitch isn’t the guy you hope as a parent to see it a Chuck-E-Cheese by himself you’d rather see him there with a kid and a Baby Bjorn rid of friends a grown adult friend join me a man like you have like an accomplice intent on playing Skee-Ball afterwards and I was like please when I was sweating out that we need to get out of here as fast as possible but we play a little ski ball you like all I remember some of this but it’s not nothing is right here like nothing feels right about it before it was Chuck-E-Cheese was one time and I think it was because
my parents got so used to be coming home kind of like sad and then dragging it out of me and Steve didn’t invite me to his fucking gallon again it’s just my parents and me and I we sat in the back room and there is there was a Billy Bob the bear and he sang songs and stuff I think I’ve talked about this was probably 12 years old 11 and they they did this like letters section they would sing songs the animatronic man and then they did a letter like a Lego here’s here’s letters and then one of the letters they read was from a kid who said Billy Bob how come when you’re onstage you have bare feet with no shoes on and when you’re not wandering around the arcade you have sneakers on why would they include that we talked about like a weird shape like fraud complex like

Billy Bob said to answer the questions of the kid bows and said well the thing is is when I’m up here on stage I don’t want to fall off the stage so my bare toe Claus help me keep balance up here but but when I’m walking around there while you’re eating your food no one wants to see my toenails out there me while you’re eating pizza listening from talking about his mission not accomplished moved on that’s my memory of ShowBiz Pizza Place was for just weird like over piping I don’t if it’s if sometimes if it’s broke don’t fix it I feel like you can’t hear any of that stuff anymore cuz it’s just like the worrying of like a twenty-year-old robot is all you can here now it’s just like the stirring of the robots in the flapping of their eyelids and stuff it’s very off
there might be a must be at this point there must be a heavy like like the pie chart of their customer base a lot of Big Slice of it must be nostalgic adults coming in to relive a childhood memory who don’t have kids with them based on a very small slice it feels like they’re mostly families and if you’re adults alone without kids your drawing eyeballs for being very very high among people who don’t have kids many people who take their kids like all this place I used to go to know if you are over thirty and you do want to take a nostalgic trip back to an animatronic themed pizza place take a kid
what may be one you know that whatever just find a kid and have them with you so the other appearance can be comfortable while they have they have controls in the ball pit man tells no Tales it’s like the pig pen in Deadwood
Fontana to the ball pit
when you get in there there’s like an airlock system and you have to like wait in a in a kennel crate and they come over and give you wristbands that are color-coordinated so that they know that you’re leaving with the correct children it’s really really crazy that represents some actual crimes like these two have this hand stamp was like ultraviolet you know and so there be a letter on it but then I think they realized you could just like by those stamps
and that’s why they do wristbands I don’t know this is a rabbit hole steal children from Chuck-E-Cheese undisguised HD believe he’s not here to this old fall on deaf ears but I want a book on the podcast because I don’t want to do any research is the actual like what the hell it is there is it what what what is is there more terrible things happening to children per capita is like a weird what guest is going to solve that problem for you so I don’t know I don’t I don’t know actually somebody who could actually just stay like no well here’s the thing because I know there’s a variety of variables
reference is the population keeps exploding so even if you were to so sometimes flat numbers can be misleading I just never mind going to quote him again because it was so funny but it makes him sound like a villain to hang on this like I have a conversation that involves children without immediately like it it’s like a syndrome of like both comedians have learned it and like actual concern and it’s all feeding into itself it’s like this is like guy’s pocket of like oh my God children are just like this like like like candy apples just like rolling around in like every side of their body and like the world is made of arrows and I am not interested in them I think they’re gross
I thought you were trying to explain to a kid to count it comes in fucking three’s not 90s
it’s an airplane fucking moron but do you know what some of them are going to get taken no one will be agree with this side of the room has showed us that they get back from harm
I just find their way back I’m just curious if there’s something at work in the National psyche like those are some ships that have it like we we change our perception of drugs are several times like we made we made decisions you can trace them that you know depending on your ideologies that you can’t fuck kids anymore you know if it’s fucking kids left and right right like the child you know like eight Vino you get married at like 11 or 12 and then Greeks would fuck little boys is like one of the requested confirmation Cardinal law was at my confirmation he gave Mass Cardinal his name is Cardinal law or no law and he’s he’s what was he was corporal punishment
you don’t know about Cardinal law
add Spotlight for real and he he we asked a question I wish I guess my Godfather’s it was a very easy question and he pointed to me and I didn’t know the answer the whole church laughed so
cardinal cardinal I was wrong with the children walk home from school in elementary school like I feel like 3rd grade I be walking home from school and I was a kid the territories occupied the amount of fencing around it both figuratively and literally like the the amount of hours I was allowed to log unsupervised in the expanse of territory at cetera like compared to what ion does it like not like if I had a kid right now 8 years old just based on nothing more than just cultural Zeitgeist did the the disparity between wear what I would let that kid do versus what I did when I was a kid is so vast it make me ask the question is also the environment actually
is the disparity actually there yeah I don’t guess it’s actually I’m guessing this is no place for kids but we’ve gotten more awareness of it and it ends with a little kid in the car seat you hear about and it just means that fascination with you know not because we’re bad people because we’re good people probably at Heart Like We want to get us like the things they’re going to pop a Sizzle off of a big frying pan full of Greece called the internet are stories about innocence you know the get it getting getting hurt you know it’s like I don’t know I do this to myself but he really long like True Crime pieces never that long piece of just about kids who were trapped in hot cars and there was like a stick that stuff
text me it makes it probably stick with you now so I apologize but what was the worst thing that ever seen involving one of these cases and if we’re all good people or holyshit belts
then what was the worst thing you ever saw investigating one of these these cases and I remember it said the detective took a pause to gather them self
there was a little girl who is to who is trapped in a car it was a hundred degrees and when they found her she was dead and she had torn all her hair out of her head
call it a nightmare just a nightmare in the LAPD homicide detective has asked that they found a couple dead bodies up in Angeles National Forest and they have been there for many years and a reporter asked if checking how many people do you think are buried out here and he said if I asked everybody buried in National National Forest to stand up it would look like Venice Beach
that’s where that’s where you go to bury people when you’re driving by on the 2 freeway and silver robots they all have roller skates
the amount of caricature art
we are surrounded by a by a forest full of murdered people like I said he had information to Lake Lake-Link cops are there no they don’t graduate from top college to become cops they’ve they’ve some of them some of them know exactly what they’re talking about and some of them are like I wish I was Mickey Spillane he was a hard-boiled like kind of writer another LAPD cop said that there’s probably more dead bodies between us in Catalina right now because if you want to really kill somebody have a boat
that was the wrong time to eat
are you doing all right
we should all let’s all kill come on tonight and find out who wins
oh my God cops in Quincy that damn it we finally forgot
I know I got it
search up all you have to do is turn up
African hair cut
913 what a bummer of the thoughts whirling in my head but like I said I’m going to wing it because of the week we were over-represented on on one side I’ll ask for a female volunteer or or someone someone who compartmentalizes is such a relationship
positive negative anything noteworthy that they’re willing to share their relationship about their mother and their hands go up pretty quickly here
hello what’s your name Lauren Lauren I’ve met you before
Lauren yeah so did you have a good Mother’s Day
all right okay well I’ll walk down this path of okay so is it because you don’t get along with your mom never really have actually so it’s never been a good Mother’s Day she’s always found a way out of it by either getting mad at us but my brother and I or canceling Mother’s Day like today I was going to plan to take her to Monterey because that’s where her mother is scattered and she’s always she was never there when her mother got scattered so I wanted to take her there to be with her mom
maybe a couple weeks ago she got mad at my brother and I and cancelled Mother’s Day basically by sending us a text message saying I want nothing I don’t do anything for me this is like a refreshingly not to call your problems refreshing but so effervescent it’s delicious but I was like like I like your your to use somebody that’s like like your your your mom ruined Mother’s Day by saying I don’t want anything like this is a generational thing maybe or no not to dismiss it is very personal okay I just like the problem is like what am I supposed to do and with your mom you saying like why am I commenting at home I helping let’s let’s get let’s get to the to the to the root of this so your your mom is how old
so you’re a youngster did she have you very young
Amber
so 25 years ago so you’re at the age where your mom had you is what you’re trying to reach out to her and say let’s hang out with us go let’s go be in Monterey
that’s that Monterey Mike
hahaha you reached out to your mom and she is like she should she didn’t want any part of that that should be open to that or no because she said a couple weeks ago can you tell it to your comfortable talking about that event what was the conflict that resulted in your mom canceling Mother’s Day at weeks in advance be honest I always forget what kind of weird is like an ongoing thing I could do I could breathe wrong I could come home at a wrong time I could do one little thing wrong and it’s just a constant cycle it’s always been like that you said come home you live with her I used to live with her is cancelled week from today just from today
I think it’s never happy it’s always I have been finding ways to spend holidays with other day was that always the case yes it what do you think that’s about for her I know she says she likes to say that she’s not appreciated and I my brother and I have done our best but we’ve come from divorced parents where it wasn’t pretty and it’s it was a weird custody agreement and we got tossed back and forth between our parents and it was never kind of it was a very unstable environment so that plus I also know things were triggered by like her upbringing she wasn’t very friendly with her mother and it’s a constant looks like it’s been a cycle for years so it sounds like yeah I mean like what it like trauma gets handed down she she’s not to speculate in either direction like judging her or or or
giving her but just like
from what I’m learning in therapy like one might speculate that these holidays represent like the opportunity for crisis and its use ironically trying to shut them down and thinking that that’s going to solve the problem but of course she’s creating new just doing it again she’s like shutting off she’s like yeah I don’t have a heart attack so I’ll shut up all blood to my heart you know like the know that but like like like it’s like how do you sew and yet you’re not going to do that when you have kids are you going to have kids I’m going to have kids one day you’re going to have them tonight
Spin the Wheel game guarantee
problematic everybody like that like like my mom gets frustrated around the holidays and then she’s like like you guys aren’t treat me while we’re not going to do Christmas like I feel like that threat is there a postponement and I learned the word postpone by studying notes left by my mother on Easter morning flight like a Halloween morning and Christmas morning we would get there would be like a big fight the previous night and then we wake up and it would be like my brother would go like there’s a note and then we look at it would say Easter has been postponed and I remember that we’re learning that word because by going over it with my brother does that mean Eastern never will happen or what does it mean to happen later and he’s like I don’t know I don’t know I think it means will happen later I would like to look it up three days later
like like like so it’s a holiday holiday control anybody who have Eating Disorders it’s like like like you’re out of control and everything in your life there’s no there’s no threshold to fuck him like like accomplish anything like like like that feels like the change and ends like that looks like a default place of like oh well I can I can eat or not eat for lunch you know I can eat lesser all these things I can kind of spirals into the syndrome is like oh that makes me feel comfortable that I’m out of control I would have liked her emotional intake what am I doing when it’s really like I’m not a therapist what am I doing what what is my point how do I turn this in to show I was thinking looking down the line that we had a couple of improv trade guys
do you edit it does feel like that kind of like a common threat and I edited it comes from a place of my mom not wanting to deal with and maybe it comes from a good place or something like that if they’re pissed already it’s Benjamin Lasnier personify she gets it or do you think that you would pass any of that on your mother is like Hang-Ups you do you think that you would be able to not do that or do you think you inherit that to my parents passed down these traits to me and my therapist and I are trying to break those before I get into a relationship or have kids so I know like. I’m not going to pass those traits on and hopefully I have more of a healthy relationship with my future whoever or my future kids can you tell us like what’s the language
things that you’ve learned anything it’s caused like an epiphany about it that you that sticks out like like just like a talking about your mom and therapy and her relationship with these holidays and canceling what’s up has your therapist said anything about where you’re like oh I remember this it’s
gets into her screaming fits and things just kind of stay calm and cuz normally I would fight back I would argue back with her and say like that’s not fair or whatever you don’t understand I just would stay calm and like to say like okay mom okay mom okay because it’s her attention-grabbing she’s trying to get grab attention because she didn’t have attention when she was younger and something being weird means it doesn’t exist I mean look at flamingos knees but the thief
the episode title
I lifted that from oh God the movie oh God that’s so then I mean it just weird thinking that like your these days that are demarcated for specialness and attention and all these things and but like they’re being superseded your therapist is certain like the stories are you sure your mom didn’t actually a jerk Tramadol like like like like from family is not but it’s not about her needing attention it’s about her actually avoiding trauma like I think it’s more attention like she was in her history and the middle child she wasn’t cared about her brother and sister were you know the show they’re the best children in the world she had to do all the chores
I only have so many kids and look like they don’t have other moms that are like boxer out I could sit in her mind it’s like maybe festivity and tradition and stuff it’s all like a ritualistic way of like maybe somehow minimizing her do you think that you would like your mother’s traits like have you a she
I would say like I share fifty-fifty of my father and my mom like I mean physicality you like looks and stuff and personality kind of I feel like I’m closer with my dad but my mom then Mom because Mom tends to push away a little bit more cuz she says she’s she’s tried enough and my dad he he will still reach out even if he’s angry at me like time will pass and then he’ll try to reach out my mom says that she’s done enough she tried enough as if it ends up back story with your mom like she’s somehow been victimized to the Past Natalie by her parents but actually but you when they’ve got divorced it was a very ugly divorce so she felt she felt she felt like she was until I can compete
felt like she needed to give us anything and everything we wanted then we kind of my dad on the other end was telling us like oh your mom you know she’s a liar she’s you know if she left you guys she left you with us last me with you guys
and then like things like child support like your mom didn’t give enough money for child support and so it mean it’s this really vicious cycle not really our family’s kind of broken yeah I was going to fix their problem doing that
loud hey I’m free probably typing thank you I didn’t know what is a sitting there crying and you do you guys make jokes no power to the mythology that you can come up and talk about that and be like that open about you
yeah I’m sorry but if I stay here for a second for being ourselves and like like you didn’t you didn’t earn or deserve any of that but you’re trying your best to like not passed that along and he’s like clearly if you had a kid I think we can all agree that you would be a good mom
play me the name of the exercise is to is to prove that with play improvise radio play of your Royal don’t worry you don’t have to be like like johnny-on-the-spot or anyting we’ll just you can just save like you’ll be the matriarch of a family and we’ll and we’ll just where the kids well well we’ll start with like yeah well we’ll start with her yes we’ll I’ll be I’ll be your I’ll be your husband I’m assuming you see yourself having kids you perceive yourself I don’t want a hetero normal as you or anyting like do you see yourself as Blake married to a dude that has a then you have a kid with them is like a nuclear situation or is there some other fantasy in your head of like of of of
just having kids so I’ll be your husband and then we’re at the hospital and we just we just had our first kids together and then we’ll we’ll do like an Avalon type thing where we we move through the ages and you and I will grow old together and die as our fan as our family is our family kind of continues as they have a family of their own things and you and I will die of old age happy assuming that that’s part of the fantasy okay all right but right now we’re 25
Laurens world
hey baby did it hurt
good God. Everyone says it hurts. They said they’re going to bring the baby and I thank you so much for doing this
Lauren Dan I’m I’m dr. Schwartzman
1 baby
is a super special baby one baby
kind of an asshole
well they’re both going to be special to us isn’t that right baby okay well let’s bring them in
1
well they look to me they look the same I think it’s great that we went to babies mommy daddy that’s crazy
call Joelle.
Will you excuse stepping on the second babies line
what’s up you dip shit
well I’m leaving you here on your own now because I will take will take the two special seats in the end like the bungee cord and the two bottles I guess and what diapers are some diapers and who cares if anything’s more comfortable in that pussy I just got out of
you know what I just realized we haven’t named them yet
cuz I’m like well this one time I got the mouth on him
call me call me Tony
name name myself my name is baby angel
I love baby angel I love both of you you’re amazing one month later
baby the the babies are making noise. It’s my turn right I’ll go I’ll go I guess I’ll go see what’s going on in the baby’s room
it’s so hard to stay mad at you but it’s cuz you’re so you’re so above board about everything
how you doing Angel Tony tried to Garrett me with a mobile cord
toning stay away from my past
the guys are sharing a crib you’re just a month old like like you’re not supposed to be first of all talking second of all garroting third of all understanding possession we we we we hope to avoid that like you like a runaway train on here let me change your diaper come here come here and Tony
sorry. I’m excited too by the way
rocks off
daddy why did you only circumcised one of us
a daddy’s generation mom’s Lutheran and a little angel so we thought you were chosen
add Zoe circumcised Yoo-hoo
is that the answer you were looking for it it’s an answer
why you asking the questions buddy other one is going to do with all this, and so on
Chet
3 in the morning hello what is Lauren there
I meant put me on speaker. I’m walking the phone to the master bedroom speaker. I never liked you I never liked you then
well Anastasia I’ve never cared
but I put my daughter on the phone
yes your mom
I’m going to put her on speaker that’s by her request
sorry my phone still wet
Lauren magiera
just us
I mean all right well that’s why I was calling somebody else at the kids I left at Tony’s at Tony took a huge shit his dick is gigantic and Angels already asked you questions about the circumcision
okay but get sleep good sleep baby get some sleep thank you all right what the hell is it to bounce back of a kielbasa
running a small business
I got myself a little Deli yeah I think
how to make that
hello can I get an egg salad and a one-month-old
yeah but here’s the best thing song
almost got a big dick
hey Dad you know what the secret is
are you with Mom said that you’re laughing so much I thought you said
what in inches
20
internet culture and created a telephone based jelly
and have learned to harvest eggs in a month
and you’re laughing about it
Angel at your right if you shut your pants and the doctor said one of us was special and one of us would be kind of an asshole and I’m starting to wonder if maybe Tony’s the one who special and maybe I’m the one who’s kind of an asshole that’s what special people always think you’re going to be like me you’re going to be the writer
hello my dear Angel Baby
we just got the test results
I got to go
did you order a Paola
all right
one year later at Disneyland
all right guys that looks like there’s a dumbo ride hold on
I’ve got to westernize the Dumbo ride
ever since the Will Smith movie

a bathing suit that has the right to put the movie no Jumbo’s or come with
All rights Block in Orange hey Tony what did I say in the parking lot I want to go see the baby from Rodger rabbit that’s a lot like me you know the one I’m talking about
quiet and why and watch the show that were in there the ride that were on
Tony told me that the real Splash Mountain is
what happens to girls pussies when he’s around
Tony
you’re one year old
Lauren can I can I see you for a moment kids stay here eat your cotton candy Lauren
what if we just left Tony
you don’t want to just just imagine you and me and baby angel just Venice Beach
trailer
oscillating fans tempting
but you don’t know you’re so dedicated cuz you cuz you want to be a good mom have this like I do but I mean we couldn’t have predicted this
life life happen all right thank you you brought me strength thank you but mommy daddy I have an idea let’s leave them in a hot monorail car
hey what’s going on over there
nothing nothing at all to a different area of the park at the juice stuff at Disney World
you bet as long as the monorail takes us there two tickets Please three and two two two scene two two juniors
I can’t believe they did this existed stuff
I think Daddy left his iPad Mini under a seat up there towards the front of the car about 90 yards from the door I got to hold on a bad on the monorail now leaving door is locked
Angel run right into the parking lot your mom can raise Tony
I only have baby Keys hello 911
Baby Alive go we’ll go find them I don’t even know what I said you and I
hey let me know did you know how fast you were going to I-10 I was parked in the war in the Buzz Lightyear lot
all right on Hugo
I thought they were okay here giraffe section what the hell we’re going to goddamn 12 correct on yoga
listen Angel there are people and there are people in people can’t control to whom they’re born and who they were raised by but you and I like we are sympatico okay and I love your mother is so fucking much and I wish that she wasn’t sad that again to make a good mother
monorail with Lauren and Tony
that’s the ticket at PNC right now
we’re going to die
hopefully we’ll go see your brother and your father again
CBS News
a mother and child are trapped in a hot monorail between Disney and Downtown Disney the baby seems to be from New York
pretty salty
meanwhile in the basement of the Pentagon
we close in on a hissing cryogenic chamber until as the camera reaches the latches they pop open a familiar man leans forward gasping for air someone needs help it’s Walt Disney
message Disney we told you that you wouldn’t wake up until the year 2038 well that’s where I second-guessed you see I designed to also reacts to system is a to stereos with Peril at my own Disney World are you aware that we have a monorail prices going up Miss traffic on this jetpack
Miss b a y
can you read
can one person flying higher than I ever have a cup of water like a cupcake I will also touch the sun
hello, it’s yes it’s your lawyers why did you create anti-semitic Terror in Disneyland I’ll take care of it but Jarvis
yes sir
what is Papa whole in this can
I don’t even know who you are
we had we got manager of his revenge that’s a pretty good Park I’ve heated up to almost unbearable temperatures of a mother and her son are about to die. Well I guess we just need a little help from our friends like the Frozen girl make it real real making a lot of I can’t remember the song let it go let it go it’s wanted to go to make it real it’s a copyright version
now the whole monorail is cold as a Jiminy Cricket
wait we need someone to lasso that speeding monorail look it’s Woody from Toy Story
metal slowed down to a crawl and then eventually stopped we can get that baby in that mommy out of there and help a couple of fish from Pixar’s fish movie of fish
I couldn’t fucken I couldn’t obey the rules of it when we get there
Walter you okay sorry guys
how could you all just give me a moment I go down into the monorail car and see to these two I always had a special place for dissatisfied customers
holy shit fucking Walt themself
I want you and articulate little man
I pulled all my hair out I look like Tony Soprano with a good thing
I’m praying for you
young lady is this your son I’m awful sorry you had a bad time at Disneyland
can I just say you should make it so you can just stop the monorail if you know what I mean
they also said you should make it to Angie Semitic Town doesn’t happen and I can’t control everything
you know what I mean you can’t problem eyes everything
sometimes the tail wags the dog
speaking of which
if I were to say to you young man that I had a special Island where aggressive boys like you who maybe don’t fit in as much when held to the standard of humanity should be more adorable winds surgically augmented to be half animal
there a Jewish guys over there or no take me to that fucking Thailand
man what if I were to tell you that the best thing you could do for this child was to let him go to a special Island where he’d be mutilated surgery for that
rejoin your husband with a good child live out your days
but I love him love really when it’s unconditional then can’t you just love a fire hydrant
true all Love Somehow conditional aren’t we therefore somehow accountable to whether or not we are loved aren’t the people that get that the ones that become truly created in an endless quest to make things where they be bad movies or giant theme parks and the levels that didn’t love us very much I think the I think of this child we have a have floppy ears but grafted the side of his head
bed spam from a stainless steel bowl and regularly whipped with a crazy Jedi electric whip so it wasn’t didn’t feel as Violet guys like sci-fi violence
I told you I’m fucking in already
you waiting for my fucking balls to drop over here let’s go
just want to make sure that young ladies okay with it
Muhammad Ali fought in the morning let me go
so racist animals when we love them
and Walt Disney turned into a rocket and took the baby Tawny to a special eyelids but he was never seen again Lauren returned to giraffe parking Dan and baby angel we’re still unable to figure out how to get out
play cool hey baby hi Mama we were just coming to get you or going to pull the car around
you know I left you for dead in a hot monorail
I guess for all our effort we’re just all a big pile of whatever whatever happened to us
I noticed I noticed are you stoked
nice Dad or just missing
twin Island listen to music and just be happy animal I love it but one of his thriving Deli business
I don’t know hello sandwich where and where you reach the baby play
now that’s
my Mother’s Day
you’re the best
Panavision
is it good news good I think we got to the floor and everybody Lauren. Thank you for sharing your pain
the parking didn’t we talk Mother’s Day with we fix Mother’s Day right didn’t we were you traveling I think I think we made it worse
you’re lonely or now than you were when you came up here for the Dough Boys are here’s some advice from us tomorrow could be your Mother’s Day bring her over dinner or something and you can patch it all up tomorrow if you’d like it doesn’t the holiday doesn’t matter in and bring her yet bring her something to eat and you and you and you guys will work it out right now for the past
but your podcast and design every Wednesday at 3 p.m. to be voiceless Lee railroaded by our mirth and anything else to do
I don’t know I just I’m bad at about it
do you love your mom I love my mom you must I love my stepmom I love my other moms that I consider mothers to me my best friend’s mother lover live with her now
alright $5 mother’s right thank you Lauren
July
so she does have a lot of mom so her mom is like getting boxed out
what we learned right at the end
oh okay well it’s true
Foster Brooks that is not the most healthy way to think about it because it sounds like you’ve you
I do know will you call Mom or no for God’s sake she like we like it that way that’s it we got it we got it she wouldn’t like a call better than Art Van on you I caught I texted her
what did she say did she text you back what she say she said I don’t know if I will be like what ones are just make the problem worse I got it I kind of feel like I don’t know why my parents didn’t come to my wedding like I kind of feel like maybe it was because maybe he didn’t want to maybe part of the whole thing of like me talking about my wife’s and stuff maybe is like off putting them so I don’t want to like read my mom’s taxed for fodder
cuz it on the off chance that that is the thing I don’t want to be happy to hear from you it’s a text man she was like you should bring her a meal tomorrow it’s only for my Olive Garden or Chuck-E-Cheese
what come on man what are you give me all the hardcore hand in my show exactly no I’m not going to be here
alright well then I’ll go back to the dregs of the fucking shity note note app cuz we don’t have a lending my chiropractor is a piece of shit but he’s really nice nobody came tonight cuz Mother’s Day great bring them up now cuz
66 doing well he’s doing better
I hope
but let’s probably ties That who says he’s doing better see does who’s he talking to us and why is he doing that because he cares about himself and US exactly racist
and us all right tap Titans tap Galaxy tap Tycoon check them out, do you want to do a little song or is there is there anything that’s not a rap like like it’s just a song family
you want to do the song what do you want to be about
what we’ve learned okay
and why but what if I had said potatoes what you doing played something else I wanted to be about potatoes
that seems like a rap
yeah we’re it is yeah yeah yeah yeah
Whataburger
what a relief
all right all right
okay all right yeah yeah yeah keep it tight oh yeah I’m going to bed talk to you about it
sorry about that I’m through the Lincoln Tunnel to the top of the tower going to lay your body down on hour after hour ago.
Going to fuck you up about it till the day gets dark going to put my penis inside of you when I’m done with it you think I’m through cuz I’ll declare it
I think we won because you got that Spirit you’re a team player I thought you mama like I was a dragon slayer
do boys the song goes out to all the moms out there and all the dads do
don’t want to know what you do to create
make some on up I’m daddy shoot into Mommy’s little sit in a baby comes out nine months later and then we praise you on one day in May
don’t forget about that day in June we got to celebrate Daddy’s to forget grads to get too much shit oh yeah Daddy is that that is it hello mama get down on your knees bent down 35 do what you please and now I’m dropping my Father’s Day blow job if you love your kids you got to talk your dad or dad big family till the end of the day got a family
Templeton California
Centra Credit Union
I’m Jeff Davis is here for your mayor Dan Harmon everybody
drive fast take chances

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