Episode: 15 – Don’t Ask Black People Time Travel Questions


Episode: 15 – Don’t Ask Black People Time Travel Questions


Dan has nothing, so he answers twitter questions. Adam Goldberg takes over the show, then, Dan interviews ethnic people. Plus: in D&D world: the party levels up!


I know it’s late there now beta how are you off tonight
Harmony is becoming thank you for listening out there in the podcast to keep her please put your hands together for the mayor of Hermantown
I got nothing tonight after the show you may have your $10 back I’m looking at my phone cuz I said two people were you want me to talk about any questions hashtag harmontown some some people are you guys did good thank you what Milo energy tonight for lack of Love cuz I took a little break so I had I edited two in a row over at 2 puny Studios with Dustin Marshall and I missed you guys and your good audience shut up
yeah I know I have no passion I have a lot of money and I have so much food that I’m extra food stored in my body extra beds in my house so I’m the opposite of homeless you know really why are you so sedate a bad mood all the time for no reason everything’s great no you can’t you can’t get my girlfriend a dressing down at the drawing room
no serious to seem seem seem from a reaction that you were pretty mean she has a high value on your opinion and then I told her I told her how I felt about it and he said how you felt was it it was her behavior in the last show or she she called and she called her cell phone he said that was the last straw a straw that was a limit of my endurance cliche
well she’s not not here tonight because she killed herself you’ll be happy to know something but you know she could kill herself
maybe you would have apologized Maybe
hold you in the middle of the show it’s a it’s a treehouse it’s gets it full of empty popcorn bags
it’s a it’s a it’s a turtle racing a grapefruit cannabis phone which is now a new like sending a signal to you that I’m not interested in what you’re saying I am I’m looking at my phone cuz I have a cuz we got a break in the weather oh I know what I did wrong I pressed the at Dan Harmon the button which is my favorite button
all right what I have to do I have to search for harmontown Okay and then I should see some of these doodads I think how did I fuck it up somehow I thought I’d Welcome to Hollywood California entertainment capital of the world
says if you were born 200 years ago what would you do for a living that’s a really good question
if I if I was if I had some passion tonight I would have like an amazing answer for that I think I would be very intriguing 1870s 1873 1820
Timeless genius need a new elephant I’m like a timelord my talent if I was born in I died I’d invent writing I’m a God what do you think you would write about if you were in the year 3000 BC whatever got me a nice piece of cake Smurfette Smurfette are looking at a female and I was working at like a Pinkberry and Charles character was looking at her butt
first of all that doesn’t make any sense at second of all to the extent that I force my brain to make it make sense gross because caves are holes and then I start to think of a Jainism now I’m thinking of harming off vaginas and and you made me do that Geico anyways here’s another great one is there a plan to take harmontown on tour anytime soon I’m going to I’m going to have to say yes yes I thought that would get a bigger response but then I realized you guys are why would you you don’t share
we’re leaving from the people in New York in Chicago and things I think I think in January this we’re jamming preliminary conversations about this I think what I’m going to do cuz I’m turning forty maybe fifty people are so to show up in a little cities across the country so I think January will will take a little bus and we’ll go around and we’ll we’ll do it will do this to two people in different cities and take some Channel 101 kids with us they’re not kids anymore they’re there 48 years old but sitting out taking with us do some nice recordings in the in the little little little black boxes and cabarets throughout the country and then come home with hundreds of hours of footage and it just throw it on some other channel other one kid and go edit this
and I just I’ll just sit at home snorting coke off of a piranha
that’s the only way I get high anymore I call him 5 a cheese now barely takes less time to say I like I’d say it’s it’s basically the same amount of energy but I’m obsessed with energy I guess it’s bad acid reflux I’m taking like Zantac on top of Prilosec to counteract the effects of these 5-hour energies I’m taking one or two a day I mean if you need 10 hours of energy but that’s another way of saying just take a nap what is 10 hours of energy is your deficit than just take take the day off and go to sleep what do you work 10 hours of energy that’s not good Jeff
I’ve been addicted to worst things but but but this is making me barf in my throat taste like poop to wanted to taste like to gag you wouldn’t believe it was giving you energy which I don’t think it is too on top of each other once like like like like like cook one at forgot I had to take took one like at like I think an hour into one I took another and I ate there is something in them play because there is such a thing as too much I picked a fight with Aaron and she heard I totally justified responsive what about what a piece of shit I was that night was like coming back on me socially as I was starting to freak out
bad that I made with my girlfriend but and also going like David please
was it was a pretty it was pretty weird on the strawberry whatever the fuck
hey do you miss traveling with your besties like a girls trip do you miss going a huge family gathering Viking soul food do you miss meeting the parents so I can get out well actually, but you can still do all of these things with me Desmond Thorne on my podcast adventures in Black Cinema each week I take you on a journey through a new black film how it relates to the culture and sometimes have the theme to like to my own life so it’s always a little tea and a slight bit of embarrassment and of course as a filmmaker at myself and one of the blackest Phil nerdiest film nerds like ever you’re always in good hands
adventures in Blacksburg, but Desmond Thorne executive-produced by Amanda seales new episodes every Tuesday on all major podcast platforms
yes Rob schrab clapping
let’s say I really thought that your favorite things that I wanted to respond to and it but I guess I guess you guys did such a good job of cleaning stuff at me that I are you playing Sparkle right now I know you’re a JoJo Campbell guy
who else influences your writing are you in the key fan Goldman
no I don’t know I don’t know why I favorited that if that’s all I was going to say
I don’t know what what I was thinking
not really a question but if you ever find your way to Colorado let me buy you a drink okay
it’s no problem
maybe this is hurting pigs me holding this phone and scrolling through the things maybe I can maybe I need to cut myself loose
I mean I don’t know if it’s going to be a bit because I put the phone down but I don’t think that I don’t have the phone helping
that’s why I’m mad at you for being mean to my girlfriend was it mean to her you was there when it happened was very well I mean I’d see you but yeah I mean you you you told her that she would sing to the show and that the audience didn’t like what I said. What I said I told Aaron together which I apparently it must have poisoned by by by having a conversation so I’m sorry for that but I know it was fascinating
so there’s that there’s that putting a ding in my energy going to blame you for for for anything though
Leslie Marek
I can’t blame anybody for anything
Angie what’s it what’s it what’s it like
come on you know we all want to know
to be a student
is Eddie literally the only black now in Armenian here that’s what I’m really curious about the words don’t matter it’s not like anyting it’s like friends maybe and I I think if the if you got them all in a room together I think the one thing we would all agree on is that they’re pretty sick and tired of being reminded by me that they’re black
probably at that would I probably a microcosm for a White America they probably are they probably wish that they could they could get through a day for Blake Lane. Just forget about it. It’s a luxury that white people have when’s the last time you stopped in the middle of the sidewalk with a black person being involved thank you didn’t do it in a vacuum
this is this is this is not a society yet people out there they’re in pain the next time you see one
don’t don’t give him money that’s that’s not what they want that’s racist give him a don’t give him five
even more racist
what is a five-minute give him a hug what is the fight was really high being too slow
what’s your favorite race which which which which is more hands down you know you’re doing fine is billions of you America was literally built on this this this practice that is that that we then where the first country to say okay now this is illegal it’s just a fast day of the national psyche the social implications that the swirling metal like like like racism with an on racism within racism within nine races of what the definition of it is like
salmon at 10 with white people and black people no offense to our beautiful beige friends but but fuck you in a minute Bush League stuff like who cares white and black sweats at race Obsession has been married
that was kind of The Sweet Spot for American racism money was like somebody was getting kind of high-handed and some conversation that I didn’t like it was a character in like kind of like cock call him out on it and have a big argument but I was talking to somebody and they were, like they said something that made me realize that they very much take it for granted the fact that as a nation we were very very wrong for a very long time and that we haven’t changed that much it’s only been a certain amount of time that we inherit this world we act like those aren’t our kind of nasty about it I didn’t have slaves so excuse me
and it’s not my fault and I saw that movie that you guys made and it there because like really that like like like as recently as the 1930s there was this whole thing in Europe that just got really out of hand
I don’t but I know none of us were there but I also know that that it wasn’t an entire generation of monsters like vampires from a from a cereal box that that all decide as like we all Humanity has it it to be very cruel very evil and the person to the left of you is doing something wrong we have the capacity in us to not look at it as wrong and it’s the reason it’s important isn’t because isn’t to make ourselves feel guilty or to Pat ourselves on the back for knowing it the reason why it’s important to know that is relativity so that you can actually extrapolate from that okay so what’s going on right now everyone except is completely right that a hundred years from now might be absolutely fucking ridiculously wrong there could be a million things like that goes to hang in there and what’s that maybe that’s offensive
closer to look back on like not letting gay people get married and it will look exactly like sorry sorry about that last shelter in a guy tweeted me because my brother tweeted kind of love my daughter and my brother
it’s funny I thought I thought it was funny I’m not defending it is funny I thought it was a it was a spur-of-the-moment thing like my brother tweeted I love my daughter and I I was raised the 70s my big brother I’m from Wisconsin like I just I just without thinking without remembering that I’m like the Colonel Sanders of a NBC sitcom and I kind of lost myself or on Twitter like I’m not representing anyway I was just like a faget and then like three guys with your brother a fag for loving his daughter what kind of monster are you guys just explaining the joke
that’s that’s like I’m not I’m not apologizing to that guy that’s that you just don’t I mean that’s funny that’s ironic it’s funny but that other people were like you know that word is really hurtful and it hurts and it’s it’s it’s it’s really true like like like like when I was when I was 8 years old 10 years old
just like like like black people wand and he’s going to touch me with it after this
maybe he won’t but I don’t know but will let’s just listen to be clear on one point he represent all black people
when I was a kid and tea when we would play like tag flashlight tag Kick the Can and whatever when somebody had to be it the kids would Gather in a circle and we would go eeny meeny miny moe and it wasn’t catch a tiger by the toe
it was it was it wasn’t tiger it was the champion by that it was a half the time it was catch the bus to catch a tiger in about the other half of the time this is the late seventies early eighties in the in the middle of the Midwest in someone’s backyard and there were you know we had when they were they were maybe maybe the half the time was wouldn’t maybe when Billy TV from down the block was black like was was playing or not I can’t remember if it was related to that I never pictured like anything I was just like a word but it was it was because also as late as my like late 20s early 30s I was editing Community with Stephen sprung my very gay editor for community and I didn’t really I didn’t know it was dead and father it was a processing that and I kept going out like I had this habit and edited in like that
play dumb retarded stupid bad like I like it was weeks before I wonder if I wish I wish she’s just retarded I wish you was gay if she wasn’t so retarded maybe there’s a way we could make a gay so that I could also use her as an eye out for everything to be a guy my sister could be a Swiss Army knife
Adeline you know I’m a writer so it’s like like the idea of people telling you that something’s not funny or some things off limits are you have to censor yourself it’s like that’s the more important anime all the time like I cuz then you’re in the in the den of what what what evil you know you have to guard against those people and those are the real people that that like like like maybe it maybe this is just getting older like maybe you just get old and then you get you can board and then you start getting sensitive or something today I don’t know what my point is you’re gay anymore and you know I was like
just saying like maybe there’s a maybe there’s a new thing maybe what it what do we say now awesome are there any awesome people in the audience I don’t know I don’t know what the people the Last Frontier is there anything left
are we going to be we’re going to be homogenized after this are we going to be like Star Trek or a difference is I think we’re fascinated by we’re all insecure we all have our own kind of needy Hangouts and we all went we we have a desire to point out anybody that’s different. Even the best Among Us I think it’s a weird slippery slope so we’re all going to get along and then the next thing will be tall people redheads people with freckles that Humanity has a better chance of overcoming racism before sexism I think that I think that men are going to hate women longer than other races I think I think I think sexism is it may be the most pervasive in the most ingrained
couldn’t remember my history now from 8th grade black black men could vote in America before play I got skills are saying who’s present at Tracy
get back in the kitchen
I love you
that is that is kind of amazing it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s not worth it
see that’s why it’s not funny it’s not even funny to say it it sounds so real women women women walk down the street they have to deal with that all the time they feel like they look like they let that something that let like nobody that I hear from women like what you were here like women talk about when they walk down the sidewalk by themselves another just like like somebody drives the car by they say something with it when do they make a noise or a face or something I’d like you want it to not be true I like how my wife is in the cartoon but I’ve heard enough from enough different sources first three women to tell me that I was like fuck you you’re lying
but now I realize they were Heroes
I should write them a letter now it sounds like sounds like men are pretty pretty pretty pretty frightening
we are framing
sorry if only there was an auntie of women here and there couldn’t somehow but no it’s not even a black woman
what do you what what’s an empty a woman alive that was making a joke here to represent the women in the audience this is a bunch of women is the answer Adam Goldberg latest gentleman Adam Goldberg start with the stage, right
man you’re treating me like Aaron up here I think it’s amazing that I just don’t like the thing that she did Spyro and cats assholes of prejudice about Prejudice prejudiced find the show of this you know it’s it’s hard to be mean to feel for other people have different circumstances cuz you know I don’t want to believe it but I guess I do
Dan Harmon in this side of the room but it’s too mean of May
call Nomad made a YouTube video that might be paid might not on here but I’m not going to mention it cuz it’s not about promotion but promotion would be tacky and crass say we’re going to maintain a baseline of Integrity here on the product and I’m unsellable what about what about race. Or what do you think about race I think there are plenty of them and there’s just going to be more
what are you doing I don’t know I haven’t known as making it’s just it got it look at a green tea chocolate chip green tea chocolate chip Filipino
I know I just to be the Devil’s Advocate because I got nothing else to talk about don’t work for the devil put it on
all right it’s been highly favored and you’re not related to the body were born in the equivalent of a video game and you’re going to get to just go into your office and close the door and then type in some variables and you could be a female dog getting an octopus that’s a like and then and then end the program and never tell anybody about it
I like so how is that going to lie like like like like what would they don’t then what’s marriage what’s the price for two people to kiss whatever and whoever so we can talk whenever we want whenever we want to have you know that the future of our society is being being the octopus of being the dog it’s that’s going to be the Democrats and Republican I just I just I think we need to answer more questions we’ve been coming up right around the corner I do you like this is this
the good one because
pamper John Edwards in 2007 it’s the VR experience of the future cuz you get to be the kind of person who’s down with so I was up in New Hampshire
and itself you are participant in that train ticket up to New Hampshire Stone a dog there I don’t
later after you settle Jewish people
steel yourself Adams political activism is its own reward
play that might as well be a hairbrush in your hand
so I will let it free there’s nothing you’re not helping it you’re not here. That’s that’s digging a hole but I’ll gladly take it all right
cancel Xbox Live keep going with this momentum
I like I like this idea we have a family starting to grow
podcast listeners to describe it so I can get a good look at you for those who don’t know the Klamath River AC wonder if he’s going to be he has a salmon he’s got he’s got a flannel plaid robe on and a black and white kind of plaid trousers like pajamas pajamas
he’s wearing seafoam Crocs because the cops were busy for you if you be a conformist in any way
bounced off of the bounced into the train yard and put himself back together at BJ what the hell happened to you fell down
you care to elaborate what is going really fast
six figures
DJ everybody
new black guy do you want to come up
welcome to black guy
Chris this is Chris everybody be offended if you’re if you’re a third black person in your somewhere I can’t see you and you’re like what what am I chopped liver I got to see who the other black do we have a black woman how can I ever relate to anything you ever experienced in a minute
it was a black gentleman perceval rapahoe in here tonight questions I don’t know okay are you students are not it’s not that kind of thing you don’t have to plug in anything and I’m working on the TV show I don’t really like a reality show or sick, or leverage on TNT from The Darkside what was the
is it are there Ravens the Stephen King story
dark side dark no no no
sorry Chris I a producer on that show no you just like the main Talent he comes through the office and it goes through this away well I mean I don’t really understand why but whatever but
what are you doing the work for the CEO of the production company so I don’t really like work with a show on payroll with the woods like the studio trap back in her back in her Heyday we had a meeting with him and Roland emmerich and he said that they were excited about Godzilla because they they took this thing that was cheesy and then turn it into something awesome
that they did and I just needed something to do so I work at a production company fucking I’m moving away soon I Just Had Sex
curious because there’s people young people they come to La they’re they’re they’re hungry and they want something of you moving away you were at what what’s what’s the aspiration is there something I’m moving to Peru to teach English are you okay I was about to say
and you just kind of how can I ask how old you are you 25
are you really going to do it yeah I like that’s my mission to find a shaman in the Amazon forest like 200 miles away from civilization
I probably be better at and I can look at my pay me for a job interview
Rob’s coming up next is you drink this like it’s made out of my Greg puts it down your gullet and then you freak out for a while just do everything a primary is that is it is is that the primary thing you’re going down there for it and I’ll trust you not even a little bit like that’s not my first goal as well no but I speak French and creole so won’t be hard to learn it
I don’t know where they’re socially conscious and they they they lay their comfortable in the world I don’t know
I’d say it’s a new thing say they’re they’re reacting to Generation X there like why why did you do why why did why why Weezer why
why not why not know Chris is it was 1830 what do you think it would be
don’t ask black people time travel
seriously don’t like it cuz we can’t go back fast black people
yeah yeah fans out of here I mean
all right let’s go let’s go let’s go to black female do you want to come out
Char Char
star with two hours maybe no just just spelled like the celestial body
but I just feel by star star land that’s awesome are you from LA to Miami what are your dreams and Ambitions I would like to be a cartoonist and print books and stuff like that I just haven’t webcomic now so it’s comics.com with an eye candy what can I can I

all right so you want to be a cartoonist you making it happen for yourself you’re not a quitter like Chris you’re not going to
fling yourself off a fishing Hiawatha shown
starvation will let you do what you do and then 15 years from now
Easter 2920
naturally you don’t buy products to just do it like a
have to but yeah I remember that I know of I know about that culture I know what Ashley means I went to a predominantly black grade schools and middle schools Jeff I was surrounded by people who constantly is struggling with ashiness
you’re a real hero
I didn’t know you’ve been through so much struggle among them
I can try I’m sort of like a man called horse
is your uncle gives you socks so sorry you guys there’s a pair of socks waiting for each of you by the by the She-Hulk section
on your way out alright star well let’s see is it what what is there anything on your mind you got an open Pulpit here
I don’t really like people say is that sometimes the shows going bad I got to show sucks and then people got
for whatever reason all your ramblings end up coming back to some type of like life-affirming Point everything makes me feel like comforted like okay I’m not the only one that worries I think it is around the least qualified to say it I feel like if I were not mean it would comfort me listening to me
you like watching me thrash and flail so so hard like I actually like he would have knocked into something by now that would really bummed me the fuck out but really I’m so pathetic I just kind of feel like Chris if you’d like like you know like a big drug head
when I was Chris’s age like yeah there’s such a thing as a bad trip you know people are scared about a bad trip and and then there’s this idea that worrying about a bad trip can give you a bad trip so what happens is this fence goes up for you going to like to talk about it it’s very similar to a any kind of like a good day just always at the human mind at work we build these fences up because it’s often very healthy of us to sequester ourselves and limit ourselves so like like humans under Geraci to give me to put this on your tongue and you’re going to see spots and you’re going to let owls my talk to you also you may fucking freaked out and you think the Earth is opening up in a hand made of logs is dragging you down but but but just to keep eating oranges and that won’t happen and they don’t talk about you going to make it happen bro you going to make it happen I try as hard as I can to make it happen it doesn’t happen
uplifting maybe that’s my personal people possibly be willing to tolerate me talking because I can’t destroy the Earth with your mouth then has some sturdiness to it maybe into things aren’t that bad you agree with that star
I love her all right I’m starting to feel I think I might be the next Paula Poundstone who’s the Asian guy come up
what’s your name sir Jason Jason everybody Welcome to the stage
all right what’s going on Jason Jason what’s what what are Asian people thinking
Dwight why are Asian people second-best to you Asian is half of the earth and in fact the half of the earth that is like more than half of the Earth but I don’t want to be racist by ordering a Korean beer in a Chinese restaurant so we started to ever do is confuse a Chinese person for a Vietnamese guy I’m pretty convinced that white people at one point decided okay Asian
you used to be Oriental play rightfully decided like well that sounds a little awkward and weird Korean place that that’s the answer a specific man Asian come on dime a dozen
Asian countries that are like Asian people I didn’t say it
Jason you’re more than welcome here I read the news I don’t read the news
I don’t read the news I can get the news about Chinese people from my mother in The Valley in North Hollywood and Burbank what are you doing I am living them already
can we can we can we fry in music so I wanted to do since I was a kid so worked out well enough to know I work a lot of musicians and also work for BMG do a lot of stuff for them right now but yeah you like music that much that just being close to it and it is exciting for you I’m just doing with the big companies but I also like working with our address so I do that on the side street fair today to Asians at harmontown representing representation
quickest route to a large extent
I think it depends on the country and the time
I think
but he’s got something
I haven’t read anything about Asians versus you put on your website, your parents are they how many generations deep since we knows is your ethnic Lee Asian that it’s some point in your lineage someone came over after a Mayflower thing that’s all I know how many what are your parents America really born American where your grandparents moved here and your parents I don’t know how those things work
Korean American zero
interesting great night at heart attack
okay this is good cuz I thought you liked your parents there so the English as a second language for them so and traditional I mean compared to you surely your thoughts about black people
this is because this is what I find fascinating like like like on Mount Olympus you know I’m drinking my diet coke and watching everybody like what what are the hours of like Korea in the Korean shop owners like like so racist against the black guy scene in a movie and you don’t like what’s going on what are you just mad because you’re all poor and the answer is fucking how many white people are a genius manipulators and we’ve taken over the Earth so I want to know what your mom and dad will like what they’re weird races should they say in the living room
about black people what happened between queens and flailing around improving the world
what time is it over there there’s nothing nothing’s going on South Hill
what else what else what is what’s going on in the last chance to ask a first-generation Korean something don’t waste it then
Breaking Bad what you think of a Breaking Bad
Play Breaking Bad pretty great person was like raises artificial construct or ring alright it’s Jason everybody
Michael Jackson
may I make a suggestion keep going with the racial census of harmontown get a Hispanic up here yes that’s very important actually but I’ll tell you why big is failing on community we we we we we had Ken Jang Korean but who apparently who ended up playing a Chinese character that was always a point of contention Danny Pudi who is Indian was playing a guy in the screw is stripped of his Palestinian that was a point of contention there was basically Latino people seeing I had let let let Latin the people starbridge Latino America
what’s your name ma’am
we did have Juliet I remember when she was in town she came up she was at she she’s a full-blown Mexican she’s actually living in Mexico trying to get a job up here to see what are you doing I work in healthcare
well I can be specific and say Healthcare Finance but that’s a little bit more boring than just Healthcare factors I’m head shops in chips and stuff bounces off of my head where it we’re doing political debates right now is a hedge funds and what is your heritage what were your ancestors from
Puerto Rican
are you going to take
you don’t even know where did you grow up in a bilingual household did you do an English classes in school I bet there’s a friend of mine was an English teacher and in in Los Angeles and there’s that phenomenon where it like very very bright kids who grew up in bilingual households which is which is teeming with that bouncing back and forth between Spanish and English for instance and apparently it it cause it’s they suffer in the English great cuz they don’t actually like if they don’t get to buckle down and be Fraser at English they they they they’re more acrobatic which is a talent unto itself that that should be more valuable than it is but anyways I’ll just keep
it’s about time
it’s not like I just got yelled at in Spanish or Spanish Town you’re grounded and you’re not good
is there anyone who feels their more Hispanic than I thought it’d be interesting if somebody came up with your hat off the piper
what what what do you think of my writing
I find it interesting
tonight because I’m
hero and didn’t
how do I do a drive bug people about getting texts and stuff
oh yeah it’s it’s pretty laissez-faire here it’s not rigorously structured and that’s as far as I can tell that’s the only standard that’s that’s actually upheld
it’s not over yet are you familiar with my girlfriend
got to be honest I really just started watching Community because I’m in love with Donald Glover
can I strap out on yeah I know it’s good I could use a break like that song
he’s amazing I think he’s right you know I hate to play favorites and people always like I’ve been I would always say it goes your favorite then I would go then I would always also supposedly ironically I would go but time with my favorite but I I wasn’t being ironic rap albums and all of his rap song about how hard he works really hard you got a problem with that
I got work to do it’s funny it’s big and it’s like he’s actually like literally talking about like working until he dropped dead kind of like it’s a it’s poetic disgusting it’s beautiful we can edit it out in the podcast do you think we can bring Spencer up dungeon master and bring all of the people we have different ethnicities and put them if it’s some sort of weird racial Thunderdome Call of Duty
I’m not sure it’s on the table here but I’m just saying it
do we have we have Spencer our dungeon master here and leave but I would work if we’re going to try this to settle some old racial scores hear you saying we have all of our ethnic guest
who kills a hundred percent of ethnically right now
I regret
does Adam know that Asperger’s is in a race
all righty or is he going to come bounding up again
we can make an honorary race have to share a microphone and I but then turns out like doesn’t really work but if you guys go along with you just acting in the in the story of what the hell were talking about on stage like it should be on the rails but I am a writer by profession of a Storyteller perhaps at some point in Venture that would encounter some kind of spiritual situation where there would it would call for a chorus of of of of spirits from Beyond
going to be like eight people standing in front of a microphone guy like this so what would they be playing hyena or maybe a Hydra
a racial Hydra 32 well the first of all this give Piper her props and what will split you can have your seat so that your
you didn’t ask me what my family thinks about black
Korean guy what would his face cuz I don’t know somehow it felt funnier to do that. Hilarious the Korean people and black people think if they wouldn’t get along but I didn’t I didn’t find anything funny about the idea of digging that up with with with you at all because I’m a horrible weird Twisted Labyrinth of racism because obviously they hate black people
no I mean I think they’re okay with it really
if you could do one thing for me Piper please just like really
I mean something to you when you have a fetish like that maybe your your your own actual physical fetish like if you if you’re walking down the street and you see an attractive African American man you you’re going to like your senses are heightened like my Spidey senses yeah probably so what would you think it’s childhood experience do you think there was some hot guy that likes cuz I don’t know I always wear at a thing about redheads and I don’t know you know I like I had a redhead aunt that’s creepy
Batgirl was a redhead I used to watch Batman reruns and Batgirl when she was Yvonne Craig when she would become Batgirl should she tell this beautiful red wig like flowing out from under her bat mask and then should be kicking around in tights and Nicole McEwen kindergarten like she was a beautiful little red and white cats at kindergartners beautiful I was there too
I wish I wasn’t in a van outside the school
electricity fingerprints
I remember distinctly remember her as being a red and then that’s got to be as far back as you can possibly go that was. But I don’t know the question is is my circuit board does have a predilection do I see the red hair and it’s instinctive is there something or is it a childhood experience to we go to our Graves wondering about that growing up I mean I grew up with like two black kids is my number so I get to see him
I mean I wish there’s more to this than
oh yeah I know you can see what’s going on now it now it sits forever rotating embarrass you guys
play some play some kind of weird platonic but I’m saying like I don’t know what’s going on but I know I know a Minefield when I see one like that and I’ve been in the men I’ve I’ve appreciated it if people didn’t bother do exacerbated they were killed by black people
why don’t you ask me how I feel about black people Jeff
hey if you are fine with them that my parents are both alive actually
my parents were too fine with Mike they both my parents are so fine with black people that they made me racist they made me the new definition of racist which is racially obsessed I’ve talked about this a lot of thought last night made my origin story is my mom had I was playing with these two Sesame Street figures one was Gordon and when was Louis Sardar maybe mr. Hooper let’s keep it simple and play
mr. Burger
we owned the store and said what’s it what’s it what’s the difference between those two guys that you’re playing with I don’t know I don’t know it seems like I said something like a bullseye great 70s liberal mom instead she goes like that is so good because the difference is one is black and what is white
it’s so good that you don’t know because a lot of people do know the difference and it’s a big thing in this country and you’re going to learn well intended like a balloon animal out of my brain I remember there was something there was a miniseries about the Holocaust Network TV at some point when I was a kid and I remember my mom coming into my bedroom and sitting at the foot of my bed and I can schedule wake up listen tomorrow but it will happen at some point there is going to be a time when people start to deny that something called the Holocaust happened and you need to remember that it happened because I might end up a time I think she read a crawl at the end of a movie and took it to the streets I don’t think she was that imaginative this is the same woman who said of everyone loves Raymond are these writers
she’s pretty impressionable that’s why I moved how do I get to Fox talk
still hasn’t been fucking works
all right all right I totally should have been our journey when we last met Our Heroes had newly resolved to end Admiral dark stars blight on the forest coming up on the mound of corpses sharpening company discovered an unlikely Ally in the form of Morris Gold bright Uncle Eric Swift. Thinking quickly cork himself in among quarts is infiltrating the dark compound with a stolen clothes Sharpie smuggled his computer it’s in through the front front door after the feeding a skeletal Abomination Sharpie quark and Morris stopped taking a breather before the climactic cat and counter upstairs
who is this picture I love you so much that was really good we should call it quits
loving you I want I would like cuz I never get a chance to tell you if everybody everybody loves you so don’t let that affect you
yeah I love you guys too you’re all really great thanks that we were going to try out different people every week would find the best dungeon master but we found Spencer like if I guess everyone else can go she’s alright can I tell you guys a weird story about that is like I listen to your podcast a few times and I was going to come like the week before I came up on stage and I couldn’t and I thought it was a different time so I was super Dan Harmon like that was literally a thought my head was the stupidest and you know you never entertained those thoughts but then I show up and I was like oh have you ever been in today I was I was I was making character sheets this afternoon
yeah man Antichrist Jason Cleveland Cleveland I have some Native American in my blood but I know I don’t qualify for those scholarships so so who cares not enough
can you jack I’m sorry is that a bad thing is that a thing
strip all the Buffalo colors
I’m just trying to pay for, it’s so amazing we are in Amazing Race
alright let’s examine this upstairs what we got up there, hold up you guys
standing at the foot of the staircase you reflect on all you’ve been through and everything you’ve overcome
you gain a level
feels good doesn’t it what does it mean
with a sense of empowerment in a slight incremental Advantage you decide to head upstairs
a sense of entitlement and entitlement
dragons that I am level 2 these stairs don’t mean nothing
can I walk up the stairs you had up the stairs do you guys follow or wait for me
I follow
you head up the stairs for what seems to be 5 minutes until is it a dark the stairways dark
Maurice steps might be a larger something
you approach the second floor the floor of this room is black flagstone clean and Shining from the light of several iron candlesticks about four feet high a large alter form of Bones and silver stands in the middle of the room with a pile of corpses change to it underneath the corpses you can see the struggles of an arm and a leg and the terrified shrieks of a human female someone’s trapped in there underneath they’re trapped underneath what I’m a little vial of corpses on a silver in and Bone alter that’s how you guys found me remember yep that’s right this is it was involuntarily under some cards when I call out to the woman under the thing I say
symbol one
remove the dead bodies from her you remove the dead body pile is quite heavy you might be able to shift it over but it may be easier to took her out I took her out tug her out
if you know what I mean she enjoys you’re tugging
successfully extra cleaning the damsel from the pile of corpses she reaches on the floor before straightening herself out and thinking you properly
thanks fine sir I just I just vomited I’m not too eloquent you’re a leader of how do you end up into the bodies well I was knocked out and the next thing I knew I was under bodies it smelled dark and terrible smell dark what’s your what’s your name Karen broadleaf of the butts planes

realizes that these are the various planes that his father owns what are you are you are you a are you a surface from from from my family’s domain not a serf am I but a great warrior in the butt Salat tribe
the Buckle at tribe
are you the last one
that is crazy you are a you are foretold of in Prophecy the one it was tossed out by his father shall come to reclaim his father’s Throne I wouldn’t but then that would be so what brings the four of you here fortune and Glory Jason reference okay nevermind
but without a short round Rubik’s Cube
what was your name again please
are you speaking of the drow Tiff
I hate being called that they can I look around the room you look around the room and you see a dark figure out who’s been eyeing you this whole time waiting for a chance to strike this is Admiral Darkstar you don’t know
there he stands holding a black longsword in wearing full black plate mail in his fist he has clutched a metal Stone. It appears to be like your fragment of power that you found at the troll but this is dark and emanating vicious pulses of dark energy dark
he unleashes a wave of energy you feel numb no
Mary taking will saves according to the rules to see if you actually are affected by his dark magics to fuck paralyzed help me
help me
I knew that your stomach will have revealed itself but I didn’t think you’d simply deliver it to me deliver it
tug at your pocket and you feel the fragment of power leave it is flying towards him the magical clutches of Admiral Darkstar but are you fast enough
you were fast enough
yeah, watching the stone out of midair you seem to help
oh Admiral
you’re right about one thing a delivery has been made
stop… You just forgot to write address
as he is charging up with anger and energy you cast a ray of frost directly into his face
Frost whizzes past his head and a wall behind him you fly into a bazooka rage
would you like to attack now
I struggle to stand up
yourself to the feet of that truck that hit me
I have the power to heal light in your flaming sword from its sheath
you activate its powers it is wreathed in flames you sure that the enemy Admiral Dark Star blast somebody dark beam of energy at you
flies past you and blows a hole in the wall behind you as a wallpaper
wallpaper you quickly repair the wall with my mace mace into his chest
you strike him squarely in the chest he steps back in pain suck it
so he takes damage is that good
before you
person he strikes his sword has gold price
it does not painful painfully but not deadly on your armor you are fine
he is entitled to a fortitude save I believe he shrinks from six foot two to a good three foot eight nice right now you’re already in your freezer
play your sword at the shorter Target let’s see if you can adjust to his new height
fist-size crystal in English
this guy at Admiral
he takes 11 damage and five fire damage
I don’t know that means we’re sounds pretty fucking cool I pick up his Crystal you pick up the crystal you feel the dark paint surging through you negative energy the word look it up
shark song normal space you feel the power of mini demon surging through you threatening to throw you off your alignment only by focusing on the power of your Gods can you maintain your sanity
like focus on the power of my God
not right to choose between the good good and the end the evil right on the spot that’s a tasty good
GMA to dark wave of energy you feel yourself knocked back 5 feet
oh shit blast of energy to the face
I was just wallpapering over here today and fuss were not a prepared for the assault
dark damage that’s not a type of damage damage
burning hands and holding your hands together in summoning the power of fire a thin stream of flames Jets out between your hands in a cone-shaped fatter
his armor heats up and becomes bright red
he takes three fire damage
level 1 spells you guys I hit him again with my heavy mace
you hold the powers of Darkness at Bay long enough to summon the strength to swing your mace
you get a critical hit you in the face
suck my taint it takes to damage a person that you gave me I have high Charisma and I’m actually good at convincing people are scaring people your arguments are arguments your reign of terror has gone on too long delayed our New York admiralty and join us in the Quest for
a compelling argument
Euro Tattoo
days from the May strike to the face Admiral Darkstar fails to hear your voice over the sound of blood rushing to his proud of it
I’m sorry man you just Rolo sometimes it’s sad I want to help you out and do cool stuff like that
we will Grill in Lee’s Summit the fist-sized crystal away from Morris do you attempt to grab it out of his hand hell yes
you failed to grab it out of the Flies back into his grass son of a bitch he grabs it and starts floating in the air you hear a rumbling as if the ziggurat is beginning to crumble dark lightning bolts shoot out of his fingers attack with a dagger you tell me Jack pulling the emerald Dagger from your
you you charge head
the emerald dagger grows with Glee with green energy from the forest Soul you strike
you missed a glimmering Arc of green energy energy Trails the blade as you Slice cleanly Above his head down there the monster I used to have a list of you can summon like a Celestial porpoise
what’s the celestial monkey
giant spider or scorpion vs. centipede
distance before you
the Scorpion waits for you to tell if it’s beating
settling towards Admiral Darkstar penetrates does not penetrate armor I can come in targets with one word and they’ll do it like I tell him to sleep
skip the fuck out of here
Robin Stone again you Admiral Darkstar lays sleeping
touching the stones together the golden Brilliance of your stone turns the dark purple of the dark corrupted Stone to pure and silver for some reason you feel the anger of the demon subside Karen Bradley takes the opportunity to jump on the unconscious Dark Star and starts wailing on it right and lipstick on the wall welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS wonderful what that is
there’s magic to cure that stuff
so where we at he’s on the floor there’s a pile of corpses on an altar is lovely
I say I say we consult with this episodes exclusive chorus of multiracial ghosts
to determine the fate of Admiral Darkstar who lays powerless before a whirling spirit
tell black drug user who is Asian guy, possibly lady Piper
I saw them from the realm of Asperger
your powers combined
Iron Fist United from from left to right what your spirits commands
I think you could take him
I I I forgive him for his hate crimes
no, not really I just what can I do or
you’re a spirit you can haunt things you could do all sorts of stuff okay so can I link just send him into space or something or see her or him
pipe cutter with a switchblade swiftest tournament in Chevy Chase
all right well it seems like it’s kind of even Steven thank you all multi ethnic ghosts
pretty good
for your diverse wisdom you heard the voices of the spirits all of that is to strip him of his dark armor and bend him over like a like a like a like a just a regular something and put a sign on his back that says free ass
so he’ll be sodomized for all eternity
we should definitely make you should definitely be naked is there is there a way to turn them in. Is there anything else in this room with us the room is bear other than that the candlesticks The Altar and the guys she still beating him up he might be dead as I understand it in the realm of butts the the the lower Downs in that realm are often tutelage in the art of tattooing that’s true
are you going to go Dragon Tattoo
tattoo on him that says dick head with a lawn I do it with aplomb what do you mean how do we boots first it seems stuck do we need to get the armored you were the ones that were talking about it I mean I didn’t say do that to do the forehead is Right dick on the forehead of the almighty hiss as the helmet slides off a sludgy pool of black hose and smoke it’s from the the helmet hole
swirling in Cold Steel for about 7ft tall no matter the dark stars Dawn will come and all will fall victim to its light
a portal opens up to a demonic plane you see rows of what look like black ships that he’s an admiral of
he disappears into the gate and it winked out of existence we had a chance to kill him we didn’t take it only remains
I can probably take it in a little bit and then they’re yeah out the outside. Put on the armor
Karen thinks you again thank you again thank you Karen I just think all of us everyone I think I think we’ve learned a lot today what are we learning about like what good and be less evil because it is to not pay off if you get a multi-ethnic ghost chorus accomplished made that promise and I was trying to pay it off
let me give you the Treasure of our people says Karen she gives you a Masterwork loot 50 merciful arrows inside of the magic quiver new potion I wish
that’s just true Master. I’d put it into her magic quiver
a wand of magic Missile and have disguises
all right thank you Spencer
my goodness
the clock says 10:00 don’t lie I wish it did and I’m really sorry everybody every if you keep coming and I keep punishing you I said I had nothing and then I had two hours of everything
everybody thank you dance at your job Steve do you want to close enough with your famous stand-up set the funniest 5 minutes and upset I don’t know if we can about online dating that we’re going to do it I heard a plumber
oh boy you again I’d like a plumber please you got one that’s the problem is we can
he’s like Beetlejuice you that’s interesting what you want me to do the back feed and whatever you like
all right to close up the show an Oculus request to turn this into Whose Line what’s the hottest button hottest button topical topic that has
the prisoner swap but it’s kind of like cupcakes you’re supposed to be this is about you two guys it’s it’s about gray I’m wearing red do that if I go back to the Galaxy Round Mountain
Little League data that just passed in 05
are all are all very brave volunteers address and I prevent scarring
I’m missing anybody and Daniel Kramer just fine
sorry it was long
is Tara sexy love you so much
drive fast to take chances


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