Episode: 105 – Game Recognize Game


Episode: 105 – Game Recognize Game


Mayor Harmon enters couples therapy and makes an emotional bid. Kumail Nanjiani is back and doesn’t understand why Jeff talks to strangers. Doctors are too prostate happy and a Brazilian fan from Rio defends them. Just a great episode from top to bottom, enjoy.


Hollywood California please hold my God
can I be pregnant 40,000 people
revoking the page the mayor of the town that the Jack Hartmann
thank you
I don’t know what is it we had a million I’m sure it’s it’s it’s unrelated but I was just getting some statistics people some people like to celebrate this stuff I got I got into podcasting to forget about numbers and flea in the world too obsessed with ratings and things I come here to not pay attention to these things however harmontown but when we went out on tour we used to get like 60,000 to 280 thousand down loads per episode now we’re up to like a hundred thousand per episode and we just had we had a million total when we went on that tour we made that movie that no one ever gets to see and now we just passed it I was told of the Green Room 10 million downloads total
but I’m sure a lot of people download them multiple times I don’t know these numbers I want to talk to one person my giant new Podium here this is really excited and it looks like I’m like a 56 Buick on the front with a swap out for our own
yeah it’s pretty great I like this all right so I just started doing couples therapy
just got it somewhere like marriage free marriage counseling you would rob a long time coming ships all airtight before we take it out to see what she called it engagement camp counselor offers a six-week program that she calls marriage camp or something like that but after our consultation she’s like I don’t know you know maybe you guys should do this for a long time at Camp as like a condo
let’s keep it more but I see how many have you been to just one it was one consultation and then we just had our first one on Friday, really it’s really it’s pretty great like I I like it’s just the I think the most important things to have a language because as we all know relationships like they the big thing that the that the the big obstacle for them is that they’re competing in their most crucial phases with something that you can’t compete with which is the courtship phase where their hormones with chemicals pumping through your body looking at this person across the room you know the whole high-fidelity monologue with John Cusack that it’s like that like you when your lover is a stranger to you and end end your you just love drinking a big glass of water of of how you look in their eyes and everything is fantastic would like to steal a DeLand
that’s when the really rewarding stuff starts to happen like a 30-year life together for instance but at the same time the big problem with that is that that you know you can sometimes feel like like like what it’s like now I don’t now I’m not on fire all the time like where a person I am now we know we fight sometimes and and and then the person I had that fight with is still there you notice I like how I can get in a fight and I don’t want to see you anymore because I love you but we can we had like eight fights and I think the coolest thing is comebacks that phenomenon is this shared language I think that’s what artifice really comes in handy like it’s like like like with the rules you get to hold like okay this is the size of a phrase we use for this thing so that you both know that phrase so that you’re not
just on autopilot and when you start to get into a fight or something you actually have a thing that you can talk about sex. Like always this is scenario 7 you know kind of thing was my Epiphany has been at this thing with the counselor called emotional bids emotional bids Jeff bits in a conversation my thing is always been well one person’s I was going to need something out of it and then the other person’s eyes going to have him to give it which means the one person’s getting like you know like I always feel like everyone is trying to steal my life-force away from me and my time my energy like a fish hooks are coming at me and they’re going to get into me and if I don’t spend them and and police my own space do I have to I’m going to get dragged into someone else’s like energy and I’m going to get dragged down and I’m going to lose my life for three hours of playing
plans to or something
counselor said here’s the thing that couples do they make emotional bids so you say like for instance one of my big things that makes me insane is that if I’m driving and Aaron says look at that look at that thing over there at my immediate emotional reaction is it okay if I want to look at shit I always
extreme example of a cow head that that’s an extreme it is with me like I hate fucking like I hate when people go like look at that I’m thinking I hate you don’t make me look at that I have my own head I can swivel it I have eyes or if I want to look at something I’ll look at it like that’s that’s me being crazy
but but that’s just an example of like set somebody take looking at or somebody saying like a Game of Thrones is on tomorrow like like anything any sound you make any any anything it’s a it’s an emotional bid to my new my new way of seeing it that the Cowboys look like that why is it a bit if I don’t look up look up look up
you have to think of the relationship is a third thing is a room with you and your lover when a person want something from you it’s that don’t even look at it that way you think of it as them putting a little poker chip a bid into the relationship Bank when I get there it’s so you don’t have to think about it like I have to give you something or you need something it’s like it’s you putting something in to this third thing and then you can have three responses to that one of three you can do it’s called facing forward
which is like acknowledging it put it which is a form of putting your own bid in there to match it as both parties are going to drop off checks on this from time to time you need your relationship to be there when you’re feeling bummed out sometimes you’re sick or your bad mood you feel fat you want to you you go like can I can I fall back on this relationship you know and if it if it’s overdrawn if there’s no trust if it’s at like somebody puts a bid in it and then you go like for example by saying like our favorite shows on tonight if you go yeah yeah that’s you taking the bit out like wiping your ass with an I don’t know where the metaphor. You’re not you’re not matching it and then what happens is this happens a lot with with men and women is that is that like because men have this thing or take their just like they think too logically and their discourse so it’s like look look look at that thing isn’t that pretty another guy I’ll tend to offer to go like I don’t see how that’s more pretty
then anything else in particular like trying to like
I’m sure cuz I think we’re socializing least American men are socialized to like be more logical not change our minds and all the stuff and then like so so that’s like an example of you you betray the trust and then and then like the other personal double down in a bit I start putting more shit in there and then they get all messed up and like they go like I do I do everything and you don’t do anything it doesn’t like it comes out at random times I got to go put so many brain even if it’s perfunctory role because they’ve done these studies are they take like they finally started taking a couple science into like like they just study us like animals now and they and they just take like people who are happy as couples and they just study their behavior and they’ve found if you can make bad couple emulate good couples Behavior
bad couples can turn into good couples they get happy so what is the good behavior the good behavior is that Matt is just that rhythm of matching emotional bit so I can start one if someone petitions the relationship for acknowledgement then you got to you got to ring that Bell to you just just once it was a joke. Shit head by B. Just just say yeah it’s a great bridge leak leak leak leak leak just just stopped to get on face forward like a literally physically face the person that wants your attention and engage them for just as much time as they said A Game of Thrones is on tomorrow yeah right like just just fucking match it don’t if you want to do you making that a present an actual thing of Arendelle
Candlewood Lake Lake my I can I don’t multitask so if I eat like you know No One Ever Knows when I’m thinking about something that that like I could just be standing there doing nothing and what you don’t know is that I am actually engaged in something mentally and then somebody goes like like you like hot dogs like if I was literally not thinking what I think if I was just going like I hope someone talks to me and tell me cuz you like hot dogs like I like I like mustard and
Here I Am Not only am I am learning about hot dogs I thought I knew about them but
he knows more and end and then we’re like hot dogs or some kind of
but it but if I’m standing there and I happen to be like running some kind of like program like I’m going like I’m thinking about something like running through a conversation in my head or you know creating my next Masterpiece of course you guys didn’t laugh at that
now I feel like I should had it didn’t sound like a joke
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are you asking me cuz I don’t even hear it the first time I just here like noise I grant
I just asked if you like hot dogs
yeah I kind of like a masterpiece of a hydrant
so so that may or may not ever change about me but what can change about me is I can go from not valuing the relationship enough to take action to value a relationship enough to take action so so if it’s like it’s not about me or about couples therapy is like they’re going to pop the hood open on me I know it’s not her that’s going to have to change a bunch of shed for us to be happy like there’s going to be fucking blue wires and red wires going to be cut and one of those going to blow up and it’s not really that case it’s like it’s It For Better or For Worse they kind of like the couples therapy perspective is if you’re fucked up your fucked up but how do you how do you make a relationship work with a fucked-up person while you’re fucked up here is some things you can do to make your relationship not fart
the emotional bed staying now when you’re in your own probably most of us are like I get lost in my own thoughts and it was someone interrupts him I have no idea what’s going on now if Aaron says look at that bridge or do you like hot dogs are you still going to probably emotionally yes. Myself from the counselor says it’s like that when you hit your knee with a hammer it’s just a reflex reflexes are reflexes but you have an internal reflexive reaction but that can be a dinner but I can be like a triangle that rings that you that is a reminder oh this is that moment where I I do that thing where I stopped face her and acknowledge what she just said
and then go back to you know so it’s like yeah it’s literally just changing your behavior shut up
and you know what sir if I was just thinking about my next Masterpiece so upset I don’t mean to be rude but I’m going to go back to that that’s my emotional bit now he can either honor that or not he can be kicking me like fuck off you just get your head out of your ass you fuck it fuck but yeah it’s like like that’s another form of an emotional but it has to be honest about whether or not you want to hang out or needs I guess they had this metaphor for the good thing is that you can you can keep anteing and someone just taking the money off the table and not put it in back in and that’s that’s it that’s every guy’s first question is what if
you keep matching emotional bids and you keep having to look at 20 Bridges per second that’s my it was my first question and I went to the Rick and Morty writers room and I was so excited about these tools I learned every guy was like let me nearly was like What if but what if you look at the bridge and then say the nice bridge and then you got to do it again 5 seconds later that what if what if the other person abuses me doing the normal right thing is called mistrust and and trust is the foundation of a relationship see what you can you can change anything you want about a house but if you don’t have trust in a relationship it doesn’t it just doesn’t matter it’s just like a fucked-up house so you can jump it like you just have to do the size of that you’re not going to have to look at 20 Bridges there are 20 Bridges
really it’s like breathing its respiration look at that look at the bridges nice it’s just I am I in a relationship with you level like that keeps this fucking Market going looking at Freddy how can I see that I am in this space with you I am not I am not I am not like the astral projecting over Miami right now what are you what is your stance on Bridges like
I think that people put them there because there was something that needed to be ignored I like a ravine look at that Ravine animal that yeah we got to put a bridge over that thing now 20 years later there’s a bridge on that I don’t have to worry about my teeth fillings
living my life what about the Brooklyn Bridge of the San fran San Francisco Golden Gate
who cares seven people died in the bridge construction is that too much
hi whenever it’s no Bridge they died what it was or river looks so good thank you for dying I don’t want to look at that
started everywhere it doesn’t matter as seen on TV you like do you like building cuz you know I don’t like it’s all done
I don’t know I think that’s what we’re learning right now is that you just like a certain things that some people find fascinating that you did that you just disregard this much for me when we were at a new climate like when we went to Banks its bowels it was like in the middle of a national park
exactly that much
Standing Ovation it’s a nice polite to him tomorrow if it’s breathtaking and I was like wow look at that looks like The Shining that looks like it looks like that movie I like friend you know how many trees you have another road or just stop and go oh my God was fucking beautiful out right I tried to do that once
I took a road trip by myself we hurt during the process of getting a different Sizzlers after I said that because I don’t know what I’m doing you know I’m going to meet Reese Witherspoon and she’s going to guide me and saying and I want to make a mixtape for me and I’m going to get cancer and then recover
I’m on my way. With all the Shins are going to be playing and I’m going to be like like a finding shit is going to be me and a silhouetted against the sun on a cliff Edge going just different hotels people going do you have a reservation know what are you what were you thinking I’m on a Vision Quest
in Denver I didn’t know I was going to end up here
who Lala you’re in the asshole sweet there’s like there’s coffee in the morning I wanted to tell you that
Chief Keef Vision Quest know I want to know those coffee I got the sun was setting over this field and I was like that I bet that’s the kind of thing that people call beautiful and I’m going to human beings I’m going to get out of the car and enjoy it like in a movie and I and I I pulled my car over as like perfectly quiet and beautiful and I got out of the car
5 feet down the road
call McLeod Natick Fowler big do they like heads that one comes to them I like what I see I think that you think you could you perceive as big as your head is in a bunch of gnats the cloud the cloud to such a thing as a cloud of gnats and isolated localized phenomenon that’s just been reproducing her or you’re talkin sharing notes on Nat to re remove your head and they like move with you cuz I like
religion word hooking up in your mouth anyways I got back in the car and yeah I never got out of it again and I’m still happy I’m still so creating masterpieces
how do you say that you’re right. You don’t generally aren’t frequently or sometimes once in awhile have a look around and go all shit like such a beautiful night like when it’s really nice and I like I like that check tactile like sings What a nice feeling night salty blanket around me
Gigi do you can you do you want me to give you a selfie blanket over my head or something like that or what 1000 and also listen to this so listen listen listen to the sound my throat makes when I laugh now
you have to listen listen for the likely for the root sounds like bicycle spokes
what on Earth that’s not good that’s not good I went to I went to a Eyes Nose and Throat guys I don’t know what shoving a wad of cotton up my nose and they gave me 5 hours I’ll give you 5 minutes if you’ll thank me
and then he came back and like like what do they do when they leave for five minutes to that is that just that lately. Going to hang out with a 5 minutes that you’re going to get numb he’s going to go do this thing and answer an email on Candy Crush
he comes back and then he takes this camera which is like it’s like a spaghetti noodle like a black spaghetti noodle and he just inserts it into my nasal passage in a good I can feel it is it. It won’t this won’t hurt but it will take all that he was he was right but it will hurt psychologically to know a thing is stupid in your fucking passages I like it I didn’t physically hurt but it broke my mind it made me feel small and like an animal made me feel like a small animal like a like a like a ocelot
at a zoo and I just like he just had it and I can feel it coming down my throat and he’s like okay say he’s just trying to be different ways are probably open Jeff is trying to say I like Noah’s membrane vibrating thing that’s just where the cable is run down my fucking Thriller
look at something in my throat so he says there’s no there’s no tumors on your vocal cords he just blurted that out I’m like thanks for letting me know that was a possibility so let’s look for that tumor let’s find out where that too or is and just chill and just kept your fucking cool. That’s what he should have know what that 5 minutes away well my nose now I’m just going to take this five minutes to talk about you talk to you about cancer or throat tighten up in the thing wouldn’t get in there you want to be fucking Loose as a Goose so every Everything is Everything is built on a lie and these in these buildings is full of these people in white coats that that that they have to take it easy man there’s no. I said it before and I’ll say it again a serial killer is is just a doctor without a parental support system it’s just it’s just it’s just a kid who didn’t go to medical school they all start by looking at a cat under the crawl space and gets pulled out
that’s neat I want to see what’s inside there and then some of them end up just stalking the fucking streets of of of Buffalo
and then others end up charging you 60 Grand to to to hit your knee with a hammer you live in a terrifying world
he’s likely these people like they want to open you up and that they love it they love it and everything’s a shot with them like I already can’t wait to put a needle in you and take out your plasma out of your body your vital liquids you
the seawater simulation that you evolve to carry with us to Keep Us Alive you know when we went when we came out of the ocean or are you having a stroke right now man
I’m worried about you right now
do it again
how do we are pretty sure that the tumor
it’s got to be a silver what what makes it right anyway not to punish you to keep your reactions organic dude I’m not going to punish there’s like a dude in there
there’s like an indie film being produced in there about a guy in a larynx that is I where am I
not a big deal
it’s not a big deal your trachea a big deal okay well now I get to do you know who make that sound when you do it like that
the reason why I found out about it is because of all this podcast jury like I wasn’t listening to myself you can hear it in like Aisha Tyler’s podcast I gave you he right when I laugh
anyways there’s no discomfort or anything it’s just the sound so I asked her and I do not like I wait I’ll wake up until like freaking out thank you for asking questions the guy asked doctor oppose the camera out and I’m assuming they will be
yeah it was kind of like like like these people don’t care about the way they look at us like people to just put it down and I bet you ten bucks next game came in he’s product key probably sprays it with like a mist of like Avion or something
keep playing runs it under a UV light or something like that that that’s a pharmaceutical company gave him for fries to push pills there is a free gift this Miss UV light will make all the lights go off of your equipment for every $80 raised up my prescription will give you a call so he said he said no tumors on your vocal cords which I’m now finding out with him in the fucking jackpot
it just would have been a big deal man and then he said okay so now I’m going to get here’s what I hears what we have to eliminate it as a possibility you have acid reflux sometimes can happen is it’ll it during your sleep some acid a splash of your trachea tracheal swell up a little bit and that can make that sound like that like I don’t know it’s like a flappy looks like your trachea is farting when you’re exhaling like because it’s a little swollen from the acid so he gives me like a dance class act like I kind of like free samples of some kind of shit and any gave you a shot of cortisone because I honestly think it’s just because they like to hurt people I don’t I don’t I don’t suppose supposedly supposed to clear the pathways they just don’t feel like they’ve done their job unless they’ve inflicted some kind of torture at someone
big lake and I swear to God I’m not a serial killer before you go to work I don’t know man paranoid it’s called laughter phobia
fear of doctors look it up man so health and it’s not going away I had to schedule an appointment tomorrow
so anyways if it doesn’t go away with your clearly isn’t and I go to a follow-up appointment then I got to get a CAT scan
which is it as we all know is the thing you get before they tell you you’re dying
I was going to make a dad joke. No Plus
wow I don’t know how much of that was clapping all side of that jump to it. That they’re plotting themselves for that one all right
it’s like an HP Lovecraft weights like you’re going to get that I don’t know I don’t know man will know cuz it’s not on my vocal cords I may end up
alright son of a doctor
I am a son of a doctor but your dad to shrink right yeah also Psychopaths
they’re they’re like we don’t just play God with the body we thank God for the money is he a psychiatrist or psychologist playing with all kinds of drugs all of the yeah I’m pretty sure he’s like sort of furthering Nazi technology
he’s got like people under their that he’s crossbred with monkeys and stuff like that he’s doing some new shitt I don’t know I don’t think my dad is an exciting life I don’t think he’s like he is he’s a very kind man and he I think he’s affected by people being sick around him which is not good cuz that’s not a good doctor you don’t want to talk to his crying on the operating table right
I think it really is like that I see him I seen be affected by that but I think he’s a psychiatrist and I don’t I don’t know if he’s like dealing with really interesting stuff for anything no, Pakistan
we just got our second ice cream shop
very exciting we do have seven Starbucks though
Vista Starbucks Joe on the TV shows when someone asked him to sit and then I’d rather stand what is it with her I don’t get those people that is a very specific beef my friend whose Hotel I’d like you to sit down for this is there were like that of the movies it’s more like it’s more like standing like fiction is that it’s a free seat how often do you get to sit in this life I mean how many battles do you get to fight that you are definitely going to win like that’s one of them right
I like this one I won’t make me sick are we clear I want to see a crystal I want to do that you know I also want to say like game recognize game in like a recognized game recognize game people do that game recognize game like wait I don’t get it like we’re both con artists or single game recognize game
also he doesn’t recognize game come out
clunking that is hard to say game recognize game spell really stupid it’s really that can’t we recognize game where you know what you guys do
I reckon I don’t see it as a failure means you have game I think that’s what that’s that’s an absence of game just Joshua game recognize game idea with only three words that would take longer than three words to get back so hard and I got game game recognize game game hate verbs recognize
recognize is a verb motherfuker
behave sweat prepositional phrase let him know what the fire killed mother
I like I like are we clear and crisp go because that sounds from the y That’s a good one by the way I think you should go to a different doctor
I like you a lot like it’s no big deal bro I have to go home
Knights game I was at I was at there before but I don’t think so I was at the airport at 10 a.m. LAX and then one of the shity terminals is all LAX terminals are the worst part of a label airport this shit and I was at like 9:10 a.m. and the bar is rammed at 10 a.m. like I said it’s okay at the airport to get beer with your breakfast at 9 a.m. no rules Park everything for drinking drinking an airport in Europe like like like like in Ireland for the story I got a flight out at Dublin and there’s a from the gate
that was like I sat and I had a pint described
Chicago O’Hare not true but they have a bar there that while while well over bars Chicago know if everything we’ve all become like these like drug and Flanigan Johnson they have open and closes at 3 p.m. on the on the bottle so that no one can read and Furious bed right and the bartenders like if you if you make fun of it as a proper shot good job Logan’s Run like when he got upset at that
the bartender recognizes game

I fucken didn’t 3-pointers all night tonight man you’re a goofy cuz it’s like kind of like the all brushed aluminum Sports Center kind of Michael Jackson has touched all the everything
younger crowd by the way if you guys don’t get it is in that says that I was at the place at a place that I would drink at if it was it was just us but but here’s the kicker who’s the to think clearly a grown-up place in their mustard sandwiches with their fucking rollers got online
can alcoholics get out of here this is my job I’m at work right now there’s no law here booze wise you can’t be judged for drinking at 9 a.m. because it might be 3 p.m. to you you might be from Melbourne that is what it is people think they can get away with it here in Chicago O’Hare and where is this like a Mexican like the food court area and off to the side is a really good guacamole in this place and I know it was a really International like everybody was something from Italy airport
everybody there was some somewhere like like like she was from Chicago to because of how do you know who talks to strangers she talks to strangers all the time Stephen King movie without any threat
I got four that I got messed up and it’s just a random people connecting one is kind of shit if I brushed aluminum as a cranky old fucker that works behind the bar and he’s hilarious and people that go to the airport a lot go to that bar because he’s really funny so you need a bunch of characters is like a weird cheers kind of situation and I actually have met people at that bar in Chicago and gotten their phone numbers in like hung out with him and I came back to town because like it’s that it was it’s a good place not good behavior having a personality this is not going to hang out and talk to people and it’s absolutely jam with people and maybe there was a delay on a flight so he’s just completely random how many interesting people right
well I’m getting getting getting ready to get in the plane it’s 9 a.m. have a beer at the airport is your ID and I put on the bar while to make a drink I’d like a Medela special to me to take the money out and I take the money out and then he look take the money and goes away is all Angry is fucking 9 a.m. is too busy as a bring me the beer and there’s nowhere to be so I just stand behind the people at the bar and I start to drink my beer and goes you can’t stand when you drink in here
and I turned it on his head I could stand it if you can
are we clear crystal that’s fucking better than that because I was on the fucking fly
go to the fly
I thought it was pretty good but me the least believable part of the story is that a beer at the airport cost $6 my home now to Milwaukee and Chicago Minneapolis and Milwaukee Blue Collar liberal his name is friedel friedel German name look at it we always called him Frito-Lay cuz it’s just sounds like Frito was robbed yesterday he told me the story of how he drove you around while you were losing your virginity in the backseat 12
well that that actually sounds better that I was afraid to drive navigate to freeway systems of Milwaukee when I was 16 17 16 16 and then I was like I don’t know how to get to this girl’s apartment without getting lost so he would come with me cuz he was more grown-up than me at our age and end end I rewarded him for his partnership by letting him sit in the girls living room and watch TV while I would make out with her in her bedroom and then and then when it comes to family do you mean the kids is a her kid that was in a crib next to the bed where we are making out
you know sometimes just like a little physical detail in the story always have the whole afternoon of the child and then above the other on the wall above us is a dot matrix printed Banner for New Kids on the Block
wow that just said New Kids on the Block that I heart Jordan Knight
appreciative of this story made me sadder
wait she printed that out for herself and a reminder you want it I didn’t know if I wanted a woman old enough that her having a baby wasn’t like kind of a bummer or but then the nkotb thing that’s what I’m calling it does no good age for that I thought she was like it was like Susan Sarandon and I was like you know, he would like that a guy that is the buy the banner for free Do Not only would eat like wingman me or whatever you call that looks at in the living room and like well we would make out chauffeur when it when it finally came time for me to discard my maidenhood
play Hey you’re not being very Crystal right now. When I was trying to come up with Fraser talk for lose my virginity
so it was with the same lady. Alright sorry
can I hear Johnny he was a show in the
video is playing now
right after the tears are Ricki Lake Ricki Lake
what did the same lady you were like dating or lady The Ricki Lake Show rolls lady you’re younger than 1760 how did you meet her online but it wasn’t really yeah it was really called online yet it was like a modem
chat room good looking young ladies like yeah I never see during the possibilities lucky she lives in Milwaukee you lived in Milwaukee and Sofrito it have a good friend of yours drive you because you didn’t like navigating the Mean Streets and I was just like I was barely different now do your own manhood so much cool Frito-Lay’s Frito didn’t drive me around while I did it in the backseat we drove to under the hoan bridge in Milwaukee it was the dead of winter she didn’t want to fuck by the baby
is that what it was well her mama to come home tonight that we did at her mom came home and was angry because she had found out that that the girl had taped back together a check for the New Kids on the Block fan club that show that the mother had ripped up because she hadn’t done some chores something
so that the daughter had the daughter had taped it back together it sent it to the New Kids on the Block and they cashed it
because they saw the writing on the wall was it what was it I think it was literally a dollar and I do a job or get a printer ink I don’t know I really don’t know drunken fight in the moms I pulled out a steak knife and with acrylic sweater with my rat tail in my my earring in my pimples going like
you guys are mother and daughter is there a baby
and it was so romantic that it is not my under the bridge was for that she was like listen you stood up for me to get my mom I’m going to take your maidenhood let’s go get this done I think it was like kind of like this is you losing your virginity the story you’ve been making out with her now there was an emotional crisis was like let’s go. We’re just telling you how cool Frito-Lay’s will you bet for fucking Friedle
hung out in the fucking snow and ice in Milwaukee while in my fire but my mom’s Firebird she you know I like the firebird is the most shocking detail
any any specific detail from now on is going to make it only worse
story a lot before cuz it’s it’s it’s the ending is even more amazing than classy responsible gentleman and finish that I had the kind of like I didn’t know what to do with it first condom first used condom but I didn’t have a little bag of them before I get back to that one we’re going to table that was until after dance start toys movie with Robin Williams when someone goes like it’s flooding fake poop you know for the bathtub
and everyone looks to them and I
Camille’s blushing right now
so anyways I took
call the moon roof on the cars in the summer if it doesn’t really open all the way it just kind of props open about 20 degrees and graceful which we took the condiment like I had to shut it backwards like out the out the opening of the moonroof friends forever when he was with a friend of the girls like my girl got him a girl like her Plumbing to be heard from work was he making out with this other girl I don’t know I don’t know if you got anywhere with her or not I can’t remember its get back in it would take everybody home and thank you very much I got school tomorrow I got to go
I’d rather drive the firebird into the garage I get out I go if I stay tiptoe inside I go to sleep I get I get up in the morning go out to the cold garage is Sub-Zero garage ended and they’re frozen to the roof
but also like like fucking like amazingly like a like a frozen in a windsock kind of like a crumpled up the wind had like stretched it and let this place get green antenna flag Memorial
and I just looked at the camera and said it’s a living
Irish Stout lucky nobody else saw that first your mom didn’t come down man at mom
I think that way when my mom found weed in my clothes back at last I was home from I came home to do my laundry like a good 20 year old 2020 early twenties guy and my mom was like going through my laundry like I I found it. Baggie from one of my pocket so what’s this I said that’s what you get for going through laundry now you know
I’ll explain the condom thing
I mean
if your whole life the only way you’ve come is with feeling your own hand every now and then you want to feel something else so I work sometimes wore a condom cuz if it feels different cuz I was it was lubricated
I’m sure I’m sure I’ve tried I don’t recall the time I guarantee you I’m kind of being like this feels as good as sex feel that bad
I was wrong
that was way more and had a really good condom
where do you want me to say
let’s bring our kind of expert Spencer Crittenden
hey guys what’s up this is snazzy Podium man I’m into it prompts from the last TV show in at Melton and this is obviously one of them around for the last TV show if that’s the same one from the set and it has the logo all over it. You don’t know lost I guess I know I know you’re talking about with Dharma but those the symbol with those Sticks being radiated like in an eight like an octave Graham that’s that’s like also Annie Chang to sort of thing the book of changes and changes nothing no big deal so I got vocal tumor
so you know you guys this is my Hundred episode on this podcast
syndication baby I don’t want to be shity but it’s not really the hundred episode because you have missed some of the middle so you know my hundredth episode being on the podcast
I think I intend to close have a Right Now podcast finding that out right now digging through the old we we we recorded them but never intended to podcast them for a couple of episodes that we’re digging up now and we’re heading to a little bit for for a kind of box set that we’re going to offer people I know
yeah I got that message.
It sounds like it sounds like your stomach is growling out of your throat are you concerned about this for a long time we went to the doctor the doctor concerns of doctors are not concerned about people go to a doctor and get my actual 40 physical and maybe get the old of the fact that I’m going to go ahead and put the finger up and get to the prostate look at him like eyes and go game recognize game
hahaha I want to say I can stand it if you can
can you eat my finger up your ass get ready
I went to a guy for my heartburn that my doctor sent me to give me a referral to a specialist for heartburn I went in the guy told me to take off my pants and and lay down sideways on the table and put on a glove and he said he sent some blue comment like like this is going to look like I just like I tell like I just relaxed although I’d be surprised if you could at something like that. My ass and he’s feeling around and it goes like I don’t know no internal hemorrhoids everything’s fine everything’s great in here and I’m thinking first of all wrong you don’t even know everything about my ass cuz I have I have a fucking him right outside of like to beat the band second of all what part of heartburn don’t you understand what’s going on why is there a finger in my ass
the way to a man’s heart
puppy can’t lose tonight
it’s really my night and then he gave me a prescription I never actually went and got
go to Tony and Tony like reading and come downstairs and lay down sideways
yeah call me doctor wow
find a value in there about my heartburn
it’s all part of the same gastrointestinal your mouth isn’t directly like in the butt is where the poop comes out yeah but maybe something’s getting moving ship back I put up like I put that food up my butt like that like that food. Maybe stopped close to your butt and we’ll be right back out there but I think it’s causing sending a signal to your what your heartburn is happening
call lots of opportunity loss of opportunity
salmon also so you’re saying that it may be heartburn and one of the symptoms of prostate cancer is heartburn so he had to that’s not what you’re saying
if you going to talk to her but I’m curious about this as a microphone
all right now wisdom
okay so if your prostate cancer and two years from now you’re really fucked up and no doctor has seen it and they check you check your records and they see that you went to the doctor 2 days ago with him and that he could have his them examined you and he didn’t then they specifically about prostate cancer or like any sort of or is this like a prostate cancer that’s why I throw up because you know American questions what’s your name
study medicine you study medicine fascinated by dead animals and stuff and your dad was like don’t be a serial killer go to medical school starting all doctors are assholes simulator and practice Radiology Radiology is the cush you want that’s why there’s no emergencies my cousin radiologist you make a lot of money there’s no emergencies the hours are easy you just just told him looking at X-rays and stand like a text that laptop and you’re constantly exposed to radiation
so are you saying hell they’re just just to be clear there’s lots of opportunity concept it’s not even that late like like Jeff said if it was if I went in with a broken pinky is at is at 2 or is it because it had to do with my life
doctor that hasn’t happened so why does
what doctor you’re saying Doctors live in fear of not diagnosing prostate cancer
I really don’t know exactly why I know that’s one thing that could happen just give me a number doc tell me how how long do you think it is
I like how long how long do you study medicine so she’s not like my pocket that’s a good time to get out of here all the all the all the tourists are here and see how do you feel about cuz I felt all the civil unrest was it like that cuz right it’s leading up to the most losses a lot like the working class lives her life as if it’s a bunch of grass in the top and corporations and contractors get busy and stuff like that does the average person and I really hate that the world cup or the happiness there
well now that is it is happening before in all kind of okay with it because I also have one are you you find a football
yeah soccer that would be like if it was like roller skates
football logo is a chessboard that’s not the original one the original one was like stolen and then Hitler wanted it and Mussolini stole it for a while ago which is this beautiful piece of art deco are gold and a really wonderful and it was probably the most coveted trophy that will ever be because it was first of all beautiful and second of all it’s the World Cup was the most important thing for like athletes and it got it and we don’t know where it is but for a while Mussolini had it and Hitler tried to steal it and shit like that is really good. I saw that movie
Hitler Hitler museum with all the art and all the world in it it’s like you’re very dramatic I don’t think it’s trying I don’t have a guy poking him in the chest and saying from your heart Hitler I want to see it on the canvas Hitler I have a football question
Spencer and I were talking about this on Twitter about watching football is a soccer or is that you don’t know how what is 90 minutes over at 90 minutes to like that we’re going to play it for a random amount of time and then so that it’s always 90 that’s what all the other sports are doing why is the time going because when they’re fucking around your hands and that’s why they can’t you can’t stop trying to pick up like a stopwatch
talking clock today during Mexico Netherlands they stop the clock for a water break it was like 97 degrees or whatever and they stopped for the second time with Refreshments break and they went to commercial it is really a bummer because the one thing that you can dig about the Thai soccer international football is it you don’t see if I can bunch of fucking commercials they had was a big drag why don’t you just hit pause. Then we know when the game is over the players are playing like we have a second why why would it be why would it be worse if they knew exactly how much time is there left
what does a lot of corruption, Textron 1800 we don’t have to go so far back
this is nothing to do with the question
okay yeah they like ham it up and lay on the ground or do a bunch of shit now you lay on the ground then we can do we can yeah it is a weird thing
where is the fuck now I think there’s about five minutes by how much time they spend on the ground Rises and fake Agony Mexico by The Netherlands and don’t spend time writing a number one because they did they did to this South American Central American teams and also parts of like like Spanish Lakes Italian Lakes is a big culture I was just fucking like a great thing on YouTube with a people drink lots and they have like a cross hairs like a sniper at all yeah I saw that anywhere near that was really good.
the constant other aspect of the game right is what you’re saying it’s like it’s own kind of know but I don’t
why don’t you just pause when the injuries happen because I think people would like wood used in everyday like it’s not like about a dead ball situation has lots of breaks and the water it socket you just play you keep going
no it’s great but why don’t they just pause the plump they don’t have to wait to have sex that’s a false dichotomy you don’t you don’t the alternative isn’t I guess we’re going to have to buy a lot of commercials and shove them into these Brea like that’s I’m not even saying break the added up and then nobody knows what that number is the official that has no but not recognize clock
world’s best call back doctor tumor is that everything is Han
FIFA doesn’t Embrace change
goal-line technology okay
talk to you about that you just walked in
I saw you walk in
okay so you got to get up and get a drink when they were doing the show wrong as you came back and we’re talking about soccer not to your liking what kind of weather does this how I know he likes to drink
yes it’s all right you’re right
originating there can be only one
that was my only condom virginity
icops virginity
cuz I wasn’t home honey I haven’t kissed a boy yet but I lost my hands Unity two years ago an errand and I thought there was so much as he won’t let you kiss him
that’s fucking bus Saturday night here tonight would you be willing to play it do you ever listen to podcast most of his play Dungeons & Dragons do you need you heard us play it like like your doctor you figure it out. Errands errands at a party celebrating the I think the new season of Drunk History which she’s a part of her episode is got John Lithgow and Chris Parnell in Winona Ryder today I haven’t seen it but I’m really looking forward to it I tell me the story about Benedict Arnold Weird Al Yankovic
text Greg somebody somebody tells a story about Hitler and Weird Al Yankovic does he have short hair with a wig and she said yes you can and I got too much hair on his choir John hair play yeah I kind of did that and then he was like he kind of had to tell me what was it in my car I don’t know anyways whatever you had this at the Aragon you want to pass down the character sheets kind of thing we were talking about it to meeting maybe we were using her hands too much
I like 30 minutes stupid I don’t I don’t I don’t not running against Mexico but this guy was being an asshole so I fed him I didn’t get his name and I’ll never see him again I’ve no idea who it was and I guarantee I’ll give me a report if you would have got this phone thing you’ve never met people
people ask me anything interesting people at bars
if somebody starts chatting me up I won’t I won’t let cold shoulder I’m at you know in public but but yeah I don’t know I don’t do this like on an airplane in the middle and a person at this old lady at the window and then we sat down and she’s like you have to right away establish what the town is going to be so this lady look at Emily and was like where you going and Emily just sat there stone-faced and the old lady asked her three times and Emily just said fucking bitterlin and was like I’m going to power through this said nothing and it was a great flight. To that lady
the old lady want

I do
from Emily
I’ll give you what you guys are
how to play how to play I don’t want jibber-jabber I don’t want I don’t want to be like hey what are you doing on the plane I want absolute fucking graveyard silent on the right is going so well where you going like the people sit next to the methane antenna and also I could not care less
picture of Canadian mining like you know like a human experience of material out of it
sociopath actively block of ice water way at times our conversation held our you’re a great guy when she sat down next to me and was like what’s up I would like just fucking stare straight in front of me until you left great
I don’t get it I didn’t look at my girlfriend’s got to do with us, she kept the kids I said check when you get this. Love you can’t just go out there and be Jeff Davis and say hello in person like I hate you, and then I was walking in the fucking Street Christmas Day or Christmas Eve day and walking down the road and I see her father outside and I’m leaving I want to go buy a gift and have breakfast on my own and I come back and I see him talking to a dude and he’s talking to a buddy of his a small town outside of Edinborough and they’re they’re talking spicy I’m like right the foot away from me and if he in there and eat her dad and I are talking for awhile and just because they clearly know each other I got back in the house and
all good morning
how you ruined Craig’s day
play claypit Hill talking about it
how do we go when we go to Kate’s our families that they meet at the border but some of our families in England this summer, it’s got mostly made of the Scottish English borders and weed Dan and Karen and I can’t we all go to the Hadrian Wall you know some famous old Roman wall you know it’s mystery but it’s all closed cuz boxing day it’s all the tourist centers are closed so we go back to the house it’s everybody that we’ve we’ve known we’ve met all the family there’s a few Americans there us and everyone else is Kate family we meet everybody cuz we’ve been there for 2 days does a guy that comes in who works with her mother I don’t know this guy was standing on the phone and he shaking his umbrella and I got cracked and I know all about it tell me all about Hadrian’s Wall
how do you do if I can suck you so funny if it was like $0.06 or we actually see what’s happening and it’s just you talking to this guy
yeah trying to get away with the grandparents
that’s what you think yeah
first weirdos like fucking make an effort cocksucker
when we last met Our Heroes had yet again escaped Admiral darkstar’s clutches thanks to more rain her rope Our Heroes were saved escaping certain death back to bill mardigan the city that’s everywhere after returning to the ruins secret hideout the party grew bored and discuss Chris De burgh’s genital reattachment But ultimately found themselves in a gnomish bar known as The Rusty Buckle after much journey in our heroes were weary and sought the comfort of the pub but inside upon seeing the Wonder is Nome Golem decided to steal it then after attempt robbery the party got cold feet and returned the stolen Golem but they were still interrupted by a spectre from corksport it past the cactus Bunch had resurfaced the gnomish gangsters attacked our party but together our hero slaughtered them all and after a brilliant speech by Sharpie they rob the remaining gnomes and set fire to the pub
walking off into the foreground like badasses
Kate Godfrey is an arson a crime and one of the cactus Bunch or the robot baby find out in an all-new exciting episode of harmontown
me so I wasn’t here last week I was disappointed it sounded like we didn’t went nuts like the first time in the end of the following week I was so I think wanting a robot baby is not nuts speech that now we’re going to be bad guys and steal everything because I have to justify this narrative somehow I got to pay like fine we’re chaotic evil now we’re bad people no more chaotic neutral what’s the name of it oh I don’t know what the name it what should we do
Helder coming in and held her how do you say h e l d e r
all right I got to think about it what are you lying to us
it’s a spell different Portuguese do you think what he’ll do it grows up he’ll just be a giant simpleton that only says he’ll door
how do I spell Lord
Trevor Trevor and hold on to my least favorite part of Game of Thrones it’s so hard to not just Timmy from South Park
that’s all it is what a great gig as an actor though I imagine that’s like almost seems like Frank or something that’s like onion from Arrested Development kind of stuff
are you guys by the way every actor on Game of Thrones is also a house DJ and Grey Worm is a DJ English language of the DJ dinklage’s 90% of the cast has that’s not true look look it up star tattoos
sweet yeah I would I would definitely if I had to choose between to Raves and one was being spun by Hodor
and the other had like phone coming down from the ceiling I’d be like let’s go let’s be so funny if it’s just popular songs but they were all replaced with Hodor
picture of me going down the Chevy Tahoe door all right around expensive
claiming domicile is the pub is on fire around you or other stores but they don’t look they do look close enough that they might also catch on fire but they’re not yet they’re just other stores none of these stores are marked kind of not the best part of town you can tell it’s there’s broken windows and stuff that one of them fire I’m the one of the building’s on fire a clear sign of poverty
do we have any do I have any am right now we just kind of that kind of finished a little bit of a mission right we never got to the Golem baby like what when do we get to this delightful parts of a D&D campaign where you can can you get to really we get to do whatever we want to wait too long he’s going to come out
but if we’re smart about this we can suck it or not I go to the building that most adjacent to the fire and since it filled is probably going to burn down I just go examine it and see what’s in there are you trying to make looting sound gentlemanly
I’m just being a business this building is about to catch fire I believe I’ll peruse it swears
what’s the weather like you say about the opportunity that I put my finger in his but just in case we don’t get sued later on tonight
so yeah you go over to the building and you smell an overwhelming stench of fish you enter the door and you can tell no one’s been here in quite a while the air just seem still in there’s a coating of dust all over everything and the smell is just way worse than here you can see there’s piles of they look just kind of like brown putrid stuff they’re gathered with flies and maggots so it’s probably robot baby food we should eat this I was going to say let’s send the robot baby into Scout
my baby is an activator
alright I get out of the dead fish store that’s all right how do I activate the baby I’m sorry I don’t want to have to find some sort of thing it probably plugs into shapes and I can see that I put my head into the deserted fish store and say hold on
that happens
and then I say I’ll do or what are we doing for DJing
I go to the build wires haven’t been invented yet to go to the building next to them fish the dead fish store all right it looks like some sort of Barbershop there’s a there’s an old known he’s got or impaired style pretty nicely and he’s got small little glass is on his face and he’s he’s just sweeping up
as I say it does sir there’s a fire a couple doors down you want you might want to get out of here you would go talk to the random thing for
closer where were you going today
we’re chatting we’re get where we would like we like talking to people cigarettes and cigarettes on cigarettes baby
so why you say that to The Gnome and he looks at you kind of odd is like whoa thanks you seem awful casual about this I’m trying to warn you is this a fire yeah I appreciate that it just seen your tone was like hey man it’s sunny outside but this is a fire you’re talking about me I’m not so worried right now is how casual you’re what you’re the one being casual I said I said fire you’re being all like prosaic and five in off of your energies to accomplish us why she was wide open and do you do you want to die in a fire I’m trying to help you out I am appreciating that man you eat have a very weird way of saying I appreciate it you just thought it was a weird way you brought it up your ass is what happens when you talk to strangers
can I get your phone number
no but he he’s just like thanks thanks I guess I fuck it I’m sorry I came in and there’s a fire you got to get out of here the first been there a long time you sweeping ass mother fucker at the pool.
Do it like we we did that and then we calm down I wish you stopped caring a long time ago
sidebar from the Admiral Byrd started sinking island is I don’t know it’s a paradise it was Paradise like everything we touch
when we get out of this weird that we have the better place that we haven’t got all right Depot or a bus station you don’t see anything like that you haven’t seen anything like that since you arrived here I’m asking orange hair orange hair oh he’s gone he left he left yeah well there’s a fire
super casual about it. Look at his store I look around and try to lose his store you find three scissors and 6 lb take all of that check
I put one of my hair like an afro pick and fucking like like walk out like black boy stations tile that looks like that wax paper around one of the cones and I make a homemade kazoo
it’s both fun and family-friendly I whip out my dick and piss on the floor it just drips in your leg
hey this is how it is when you guys are out of here is there a is there a downtown question does a robot baby ever have a robot dick
we’re not potato people you can’t just switch partners and I just wanted to see if it was the fucking airport or some shit I wanted to leave I got to go what do you propose we should we go okay we go north you go north as you get through as you work your way through Bill Maher against the buildings get closer and closer together you find it there’s less and less roads it’s harder and harder to get out of this place and you managed to squeeze yourself past several skinny alleys and you come to what looks like a large large wallets dresses up as high as the eye can see it’s like a video game
we got to fight with how the hell do we get to go back to the I don’t think so unless there’s a different one the first one you had definitely melted alright alright well maybe I can teleport to the top of the wall and throw a rope down cuz my is my teleport cake still out of charge yeah you can sleep all right let’s go and we got in here somehow you came in here through yeah there was a kind of like an entrance checkpoint any place can you find you find there’s a there’s a different bucket than the one that you saw when you first came here and there’s no no name on it but it’s just like a small clearing it’s fenced off but behind the fences the same wall and you look notice it looks like it’s moving together like faster you know something like that this wall That’s tall
I stick my head in the bucket and when is it just the bucket
there’s nobody in there for you to start conversations what you mean by all this stranger talking has certainly made you very friendly I think I’m being persecuted for liking being interested in the other I mean having a sense of it at the possibly that you can learn something by meeting other people if it makes you happy you know then then behave just as you guys are weird about it I’m not sure what the fuck
I didn’t tell you say I mean I have observations about the way Jeff manage social life
how did we climbed in through a bag I don’t even remember that shit
do we still have that bag no I think it was left on the ground back in the entrance where you guys now are you don’t see it is a bucket just a fucking regular old bucket yep I say Hodor into the bucket that happens is this woman statue wall is blocking our way out well let’s do what we do let’s see fire
what are stick now right like
when in doubt Flaming Farm Store today I tried to attack the wall and make make making a whole lot she is talking negative Nelly
All right you miss you missed a wall
yeah yeah
are you fucking to something I know I don’t have a story cuz I might have a man is use your magic all right I cast a fast wall destruction he don’t know that spell
alright well let’s not let’s try this very controlled Fireball
I got to let go go light something on fire again how far how close are you guys back up but I’m going to try something away from his Fireball
what does hit nobody with him during it immediately starts Catching Fire from the Fireball and it spreads in all directions
you want to do what we do some of the buildings nearby where you guys are touching the wall
behind this wall you see another wall it’s very similar but it’s more of I’d call it like a maroon color
but it’s also the same fibrous material I don’t know what to do guys
turn on fire
lightning bolt all right but it doesn’t continue on fire can I go look in the whole to see what’s on the other side yeah you look and you could your eyes instantly bitten not by might but by Cold Case your eye with a skull
grip if you look and see nothing but white white light all around you and then you get hit in the eye by something it’s no it’s a piece of snow hit in the eye pics of snow flake
right snowflake sister snowflake is not painful
how does it take to wall system as a statue one is on fire and then there’s the maroon wall that is impervious to lightning strike what will we could also try and set it on fire on USA I don’t like it
if we’re in a tundra we can’t just walk away the fire on the other parts of the wall continue burning and spreading on fire more I don’t think we can hang out here
and we’re not going to get a lot of help from the locals know they really should not help I look around for that I look around for that bag that we came in through you you still don’t see it smoke clouds your vision we should have done that before we came in through it all right Sharpie you see it’s a small box that’s just catches your eye the rest of you find nothing of value and
what’s in the box
what’s in the box
open it carefully with my switchblade you open the box and you see if you see girls just a ton of cigarettes
dump them out all right
cigarettes litter the floor
I keep looking for the bag you don’t you don’t find anything or do I know you guys didn’t find anything except he found this box of cigarettes alright well I could use a smoke right now, probably historically speaking yes
okay I’ll fucking confused is this what we don’t want to get out of the tundra right we don’t want to do that I guess not I mean we’re not really dressed for it
and there’s no way out of reset the thing wearing on fire yeah there’s no lesson to be learned from this what did I do we finished we’re turning on each other like a Stephen King
what is my Cactus card so small card laminated says the cactus Bunch nope I cast acid Splash on the maroon thatching where are you aiming at so I want at the pin hole where my shocking lightning bolt flash is sizzling as in little bits of smoke is it kind of spreads this hole wider its maybe now the size of a head head sized hole just still seeing White NOW bit of snow is kind of coming in
sounds great we have three I have three vials of acid can you throw that was on there and Usher yeah what do you guys think
sit in your possession you sit up an entire man’s size hole big enough for someone to fit through like a man
or woman
I go through it with my cloak of resistance on you do that
is anyone else going to do anything but why have boots of wintry might yeah so I put those on
I go out of town I’ve got your boots
to Winter to Winter okay and as you step out you see on the floor you just see a bag just the bag with the hole in it
I only added the bag know the bag on Fire 2 or whatever is in there that I look in the bag you see you poke your head in the bag and you see Bill Maher Wiggins and Sharpie and I mourn and ship and a fire all over the place what the fuck I just goes in there but we’re just back where we started from now you’re in the snow outside what we pick up the back all right
you guys are still inside this fire escape
how much snow are we going to throw in the bag
but can I take a handful of snow and I throw it in the bag and throw it into the bag Sharpie a handful of snow comes and Falls onto the floor.
play fix everything. I’m coming out I go out to the whole I said I know I had some kind of resistor elements so I think all of you would put them online as as Chris de Burgh or wait a second you see something part of the whiteness of the tundra is moving moving towards you looks like a large humanoid figure maybe about 7 or 8 ft tall is probably be an ally
Seminole help us
YouTube it’s pretty far off but you do that and it seems like a big hairy hairy man sort of thing covered in white fur it’s kind of a Harrier it’s a hairy we love you it continues to draw closer. Don’t use the n-word
that’s their word
are you are you human splaining is the m word my name is but a lot of I love you your Yeti superintelligent misunderstood and you’re going to help us out the yeti continues drawing nearer and then you see it move its arm and a large Frozen net comes over all of your bodies
Thank You Hell Dora
health consultants
thank you guy that was bored with the soccer talk thank you very much I couldn’t agree thank you who else talks to my wife
play podcast past files on Farrell we talked about X-Files dad’s got anything to do it again listen to it
give me how naughty I am Jeff Davis


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