Episode: 325 – Get Off My Lawn, Words


Episode: 325 – Get Off My Lawn, Words


Jeff Davis returns! We dive into the top five flat earth questions, and what would happen if a tree grew upside down? Featuring Dan Harmon, Jeff Bryan Davis, Brandon Johnson and Rob Schrab.


Vulcan to harmontown how do you feel today
oh my goodness so good to see you all
where is Bloom for you Brandon Johnson
in the spring
and every season
I thought your mama so hard I gave her
and the Tumble Leaf in the pollen and the honey bees are all flying around
Eaton cheese I remember the one time
I remember that other time
damn I remember all the times I got photographic recall
what about it
think I got.
Time for me to turn into a squirrel
I am a squirrel
leaping from Branch to branch
foreshadowing primates slowly my eyes will move to the front of my head so I can have depth perception
and I’ll get color beige in so I can recognize right fruit Jam
damn my Tails going away and I’m climbing down from the tree and I’m living in an alarmist Community where we grew each other and it’s pound their chests and look out for the spotted leopards and if one comes we go and we climb up in a tree
damn damn
you may live another day so
well he’s well he’s either blind or there’s only one man who can save pyramid man and that man’s name is Jeff Davis
welcome back Jeff hello welcome back to me or come back to you
what kind of work on a plan with the the show format here I didn’t want Brandon to go away Jeff back Spencer still gone
thoughts and prayers. I will say certainly if he’s going through anything it’s not affecting his work is that I’ve seen for at for anomatic of harmonquest very good season probably best season ever
looking forward to that
maybe he’s maybe he’s content to just focus on that
and I’m here yeah I’ve been up all night so I’ll probably fall asleep tonight
and working and some a little a little out of it what are you working on a screenplay that was do million years ago and finishing it up just about finished Aquaman 3 right
sin that is in that area Doctor Stranger
I was thinking about strange
best thing about Green Arrow today Doctor Stranger
Green Arrow Arrow cuz he’s new at it
Green Arrow
well I’m not the best arrow
guy here are you I’m still new I’m a little loopy little you going to need to get your uniform before you start talkin to management you knew Green Arrow be a different network but you knew Green Arrow Green Lantern I thought you were on my side
green Airline is it helping is it I can’t imagine why I feel like maybe it was because people like watching The Green Lantern feel awkward cuz it’s like dude you just what it what is your origin story you played Peter Pan in high school and hit your head
just shoot some arrows that’s all he does perhaps my boxing glove Arrow will punch this up a bit
perhaps my screwdriver Arrow will turn things around
okay none of that works for half my exploding I will blow you up
use your exploding arrow every time Green Arrow don’t waste your time making all these arrows what do you do like getting a bath yeah I mean just want once you going to do is like hey hey guys wait a second before you jump into the the the car and drive back I got to go pick up Mike fucking arrows otherwise I’m not actually fabricate them for the purpose he Tinkers he’s like part tinkerer part Archer I believe he makes his arrows in a workshop
that is anybody is anybody a green arrow Aficionado that right so he is right is he a metahuman
oh really see that’s kind of interesting is how many how many other non-metal humans are there like not a lot Riley Stu
so does he have a green arrow
what is it called
very delicately vandalizing the Green Arrow Wikipedia one season they kept adding like really burgers are trying to see like how long can finish it just like seep into Cannon because that you really don’t know like the I mean the the the ship gets ridiculous cuz like Green Arrow’s been around forever there was a run of Green Arrow where his sidekick Speedy we had a heroin Addiction on the you wouldn’t you wouldn’t be able to tell like at a glance why did Speedy have a heroin addiction you would have liked a meth addiction but there was this whole thing to your house and go hey you know some green arrow fan like a sponge to the whole thing and it was it was it was slowly building there was like this whole like saying about this
really meticulous grievance between Green Arrow and someone else like the ending part of it was he thought that it started with the green arrow mobile and how he thought that this person had scratched it and wouldn’t admit it and and then and that was like threaded into like different it is this like long-standing Grudge with this other DC character that he was convinced and scratched his car
yeah I mean you’re telling me a story about something that was funny once it’s not really going to be funny again I understand I haven’t haven’t slept in a while here so that you’ve been doing some DC research
reminder bushing together but okay so green, red tornado today is anything made of yellow example. Well I feel like he goes to different things like they used to be would he couldn’t affect wood
doesn’t affect mine so if you’re like a week so you could you could you could but yeah there’s there’s some stuff with the yellow but it’s more about like the Yellow Lantern energy or something like that Green Lantern is such a turn-off to me I can’t I think the only idea I like what the Lego DC stuff does with the Green Lantern powers because it’s sort of like makes a character whose power is just to like make up random shit like they kind of day to contain it within these like translucent green blocks and whatever but that idea of like oh I’m going to use my imagination to make a green baseball glove like
dumb isn’t a cheetah kill yourself but the whole point is that it’s stationary blocks of shit that you stick together but then they’re all the miles are moving their faces are moving and they’re doing all this shit that that breaks the Lego rule right
get me they should be they should be a little block east if like you know like they are in the kind of a boring movie of Play-Doh Play-Doh movie versus Lincoln Log movie coming out it’s all paid on a locked watch that damn stupid
all right we’re getting into bad guy from Hot Wheels or metallic or something like that was like touring the studio the animation studio they’re like yeah I can think of anything to do with Hot Wheels and be cool and you know
tough because you can’t just put like a face on the front of the car Pixar did that it’s like that the toy the toy is like a car but hang on there’s no driver here’s something you don’t have to make a movie out of every zebras all right there’s a movie called everything now we can close up shop Hollywood there’s a movie for everything I play Blue Man you it is so
community and then we were we were talking to people and they’re supposed to be a grumpy pug beat supposed to be an issue of mine so let’s change the subject for the plane at 9 and will bring it back up at 9:30 Green Arrow I know he would if you were here he would say just use exploding why don’t I just buy a gun
Green Arrow like a police officer like a high-end gun how about how about have how about have the bow and arrow and have a gun
just it just is a damn Heiser
or is it study philosophy and just you know get out of the hero can you
fucking maskman you’re walking around like Robin Hood with the beard I mean who you are and they’re like oh my God I keep going to hotels I’m on the road a lot and hinges in my bedroom and what do you get the first thing you fucking got you trained TV on sexy man do you get Mario Lopez Mario Lopez Mario Lopez here to talk to you about movies in your in your hotel room like Aquaman and remember 30 minutes and a beard underwater doesn’t seem functional name a fast-moving aquatic animal that has air
I seal an elephant seal they don’t have a giant mustache like a walrus Wales Wales have the teeth that are very much like a hairbrush underwater add Landis give your friend a beard scaping around it so he cares about like appearances okay you want to know if you want to know why
terrible acne scars
it would be cool if he was just naked like if if his gimmick I think that would be the way to chat after all these attempts to like we got to find the angle on Aquaman because obviously in the seventies it became this joke like the idea that was aren’t we fell in love with this idea that there was a super friend that given his roster of powers like obviously the other the other Heroes would would probably make fun of it kind of like stuck and then they tried to like beef up Aquaman in the comic books to work against that order to make him like dark and depressed and alienated of his arm but I do think there was now that I think of it the way to do it would be to make him like a naked that he would be like letting me Jason Momoa have it then just have the running thing be like he doesn’t know what clothes are he lives he’s just stupid but he’s like I might wear a nose
do you think you think that we’re stuck at these strange in this is what I do I do I do this you know it would be strange Aquaman I’m crossing I can’t do that right now alright Doctor Strange goes hey take off your clothes that’s strange now.
okay I’m sorry you think that because of the time. That these characters were first created we’re stuck in those archetypes like do you think that if this has been a crazy we started doing DC and Marvel even fifteen years later would we have built these superheroes different medically I mean to the extent that they have any kind of shelf life one would hope that that was because of an organic kind of thing that made us you know we like we like certain characters because of archetypal Behavior like relationships with their gadgets not the actual design of the gadgets like like if it Tony Stark is sort of kind of the in Batman I think they’re both kind of parallel in the both of them people if they like them what they like is the idea that you’re not exceptional you’re not gifted in any way except maybe your
answer whatever but you’re not you’re not supernaturally gifted and then you use your means and your and your will and your grit till I take a up a place among the gods and you’re even bossing them around them stuff like your Captain Kirk or something that pays attention to the time it is in Peter Parker’s Whyte we’re living in that time right now we’re like What Might Have Been on the mini what I would call cosmetic things that that should be now if they’re not good at things like that aren’t going to be up for debate then retire the whole library of all these characters because they were all white they were all men and yeah and every once in a while we would go like Harlem man is here you know and it’s like a good for good for us I guess in the 1970s
acting like because Harlem man exists that that Peter Parker can’t become biracial is it in a reboot is like kind of right that cuz it’s like that’s asking us to like that’s it that’s that’s it that’s a disservice to the entire Marvel Library the DC library to go because you know it’s just a fact it’s just the cultural fact that everybody in a comic book like looked a certain way back that which is now not a definition of something that’s like real life is it seems like
woman say what sorry
oh yeah I know I didn’t mean to imply idea I mean
my mama my Mama that woman I mean
what what’s happening
call Louise from Brisbane
well there were a lot of people there it’s an old opera house
is the mic picking this up at all or correct
you would like to Trump 180 and you woke back and he came back and then you voted for Trump I don’t need you I can’t believe you telling me you interrupted a show and it started like talking to people on staying down and button everybody got from that side now you doing it from that time I thought she was like oh my God I’m having a fucking flashback to charge the stage because you want to come over here at the
now perhaps you came down and down by the crown
oh no its 2
okay you guys got to sit down for real because I seen you visit visibly I appreciate your thoughts and type in but you don’t get to just like the best deal like that I don’t appreciate your thoughts
obviously if I say if I’m in the middle of of of addressing the issue of whether or not it’s okay for Peter Parker to be biracial and then the way I express my the backup of my point is to say that everybody in comic books was a white man in 1930 it’s not helpful or accurate to bother to go what about Wonder Woman we know that’s not the point of course I don’t mean all everything all the time absolute everything I’m like that painting with The Strokes to make a point about the movement of these things like the idea that I forgot Wonder Woman while trying to move toward wokeness is isn’t Siri
no no no no no no no and she came down right there in my left eye and now it’s on my right eye and I say it was a memory of it was that it was like very punctuated in Australia because they were much more like you know they’re up there probably like they’re just very quick to be like
how do you know you don’t have security take that because it seems as though that the it seems like these these comic books in these universities are like music in that you’re allowed to reinterpret them if you do a good job right so it’s so if you do like a remix of a very classic song it seems like people are psyched about that is that the same would like superhero movies we can make Superman have a different trait now but yeah I mean people have a shit Hemorrhage if you like fuck with like Superman’s canonical list of abilities right so if you make him like not bulletproof just because that’ll be more fun I think that’s fucked up if that’s what you’re saying I just don’t he always had heat vision
he’s always had the ability to blow cold beginning I don’t think you can actually just fly from The Tracey Ullman Show Lake like characters that can fly off and start of characters that can leap tall buildings and like then the leaping just kind of turned it in but I think that for my money with with that the the the the way to modernize Superman is to start from the not to worry about like whether or not he can do this or I can do that start from the point of assumption that he can’t do everything and then ask yourself in a modern context what does that mean to us how would we react to that person and and and how would he react to being perceived that way and do what would his goals be my thing with Superman is like a very it’s like
weakness which is that he doesn’t want to be a bad person like that’s way more fucked up and trip tonight like he he he if the police tell him to put get down on his knees and put his hands behind his head he technically has two I mean unless he wants to be a criminal that day or is it like like he’s privileged the cops probably won’t want to die but he probably won’t kill him so it’s all stories are at psycho Superman’s be the criminal cuz he’s like questioning this Congressman or would have never read it they didn’t have he didn’t use Kryptonite either but what he did was the Super 8 he said Superman didn’t need Krypton died because he was raised by humans and his mother and his adopted mother and father were saying
don’t run as fast as you can don’t show people how strong you really are always do less than what don’t reach your potential because if you ever do they’ll take you away from us or the sect you where you’ll be a Monster who is like you don’t know how fast I really can go I might be able to go is fast faster than anything ever I might be able to let you know he has no idea that I thought was very interesting that you came from a different species unless they somehow that species through either genetic or mimetic Evolution was like had kind of like a benchmark morality to them where they like you start from
from a baseline of like yeah don’t be a piece of shit like and then your transplanted to a Savage Planet where your then raised by parents who are telling you yeah you’re special so but be careful don’t flash those Powers because they’ll take you away so you’re motivated by not being taken away and then on top of that you’re also being reinforced the whole time with this you’ll feel you’ll never be tempted unlike assertive wish-fulfillment saying where you’re like we’ll wait a minute if I did use these powers and stop giving a shit what everyone else thinks I could be rich or I could be successful but there then there’s a loop there possibly with Superman where he doesn’t want to be rich word a rockstar successful he only wants the one thing which is actually quite difficult for him to achieve which is a sense of belonging he doesn’t cuz he knows he’s essentially deformed
he doesn’t have that he’s like he can if he’s not careful he could karate chop your head off while he’s like passing the salt and so he’s like embarrassed about that is even though we would go well it’s nothing to be embarrassed about because you should just use that too late either rob banks or stop people from robbing banks but I would love to see that somebody’s heads off and then then he just like moves away you just like what’s going on hey how you doing yes I’m the new students smart cement and I’m going to be smart
I like that is a I like that his powers make him a loser not super kills people by accident has to leave a handshake got to move again got to go did you get your results of that Briggs Myers test the dude did you get your results your mediator that you were there when I did it I forgot your results okay
Iron Man I don’t think that that was a fair test I don’t you answer the questions very accurately but I didn’t think that the results kind of like encapsulated you by the everybody at the table you know I was in a very passively I know I know but I just my own you mean everybody else
I meant everybody but you yes and figure out where were you guys when you conducted the test men’s bar and everybody else in the room is it Briggs Meyer Myers-Briggs Myers-Briggs I think all the kids know about it now I think they kind of like some some people they don’t put their signifiers on their dating profile
which I thought about that and I was like yeah I thought I thought I went through a cycle I was like well I would love to know yours before a blind date with you because not to like stack the deck but to actually just be like oh why you don’t you could actually the equivalent of like a failed first date could be actually created by reading for 20 minutes like good kind of different personalities a person actually blah blah blah and and that maybe then if you but if you were and if you were down with that then you could show up to the first date more prepared to have it not be a disaster cuz you’d be like well I already know that this purse that there such a thing as a person in the world that believe it or not isn’t that interested in this or that or whatever but then I thought about it more and I was like I don’t know I don’t think I want I think there’s too many dishonest people in the world so like like who wants
like I think I think what was most valuable is maybe doing your own thing and knowing who you are but then putting it out on a satellite dish for other people it’s like it’s just like
I think it also there’s like crazy people that would like to take the test and then go I’m a thingamabob and then they’d be so into it that they would like those people did you you took the test result I am an i n e r the butt master
teepee that it’s a narcissist toilet paper toilet paper remind me to take it years ago I remember taking it and I remember getting same thing same result the logician and I looked at it a little bit and I was busy at the time I was like sounds like me but whatever so the horoscopes by and then like and then Cody sent me a link a couple weeks ago and I did it again and then I and that’s why I remembered it was like the sounds familiar I got the same thing and then on top of that when she told me what hers was that’s what I momentarily was like oh wait a minute this is like horoscopes cuz I also remember the campaigner why do I remember that so vividly but it turns out the reason I do is because she also took it
years ago and got that same result so both Cody and I have taken it twice several years apart and gotten the same personality category would Leticia newsletters it logician logical lazy magician rabbit in my hat
we might get her out of this water or we’ll just come back and see if she swims
it’s very accurate I can’t remember most of it it just remember going well that yeah that’s me I mean to be a logic your logical that’s why I am it’s not it’s it’s more like a like a value placed on the idea of logic which to make for a very emotional person you know like I think we’ll just use are actually given to Tantrums a little bit more because they don’t know how to handle their actual feelings because they they they actually do believe and practice the idea that there is such a thing as truth and the truth is more important then then then everything else and that but but also like very I was I was happy to see I like yeah that’s why I’ve always felt that way about myself that I you know that like in spite of this very like meritocracy kind of mind which you would come to associate with the sort of lie
and I creepy archetype online like he’s dirty when I hear that word right now but but but within that the idea of like being truly open to like you don’t care about hierarchy you you really would prefer things to be on a flat plane and so that you could just be extraordinary at your own saying and everybody else could too and kind of like that the truth would out and everybody would improve themselves and stuff and then like things that the down sides that are typical I like okay this is not a person that is like always thinking about your feelings when they’re talking because they’re trying to get their thoughts straight they’re very comfortable comfortable going off half-cocked they figure they’ll figure it out as they’re talkin and like they they just exist they love explaining and they want to create the system to system
and stuff and they believe the universe is a system and there’s something to figure out and but and then creatively for that reason like endless revisions and never-ending like not not finishing of projects and stuff which was kind of a bummer I mean how do you feel when you
just in general when you the idea of like oh there’s 16 personalities here is yours I think the effect on me was sort of like a simultaneous kick in the nuts and lift lifting up
do not contradict you just kicked in the nuts so hard that you lie are lifted up
a teeter totter the it it because it’s like on one hand you are what you are and it’s kind of because I think everybody wants to be special for the purpose of contributing everybody wants to be special so they can fit in in that crazy people people really do want a job what it what about what
I love it I did forget her spiteful that everybody laughed at him saying wonder what would so much more when you don’t stand up and walked up to the stage

what is an interesting concept great lake lake do you get the Woody Woody from Toy Story kind of thing of like you know that idea of finding out that your unremarkable a certain sense that there are others of you that you’re a category don’t look at it can be that that’s what the internet internet has given us is like the idea of no matter how friends you are there’s always going to be at least five hundred other people out there somewhere and now you don’t have to get in the plane to find them that’s uplifting always like oh who else here do you know that I just watched The Flat Earth documentary if you guys watched it
I started watching it but I didn’t get it all the way through it is cuz I know you know that like basically probably all flattered to be like flat earthers are basically here I was right because how could you commit to that and then and then like everything else the election changed everything cuz it was just sort of like this it’s just another expression anti-intellectual revolution in like I don’t I’m not Charmed by it anymore but there’s some uplifting parts to it to that do feel like actually actionable items especially for people who scientific Community kind of like the idea that that maybe it’s it’s important to
it’s not scientific to ridicule people A8 accomplishes nothing if your scientific goal is for people to Value science and you know that you live in a world where for whatever reason there are people who are pushed so far away that they’re in a dark dirty Corner making up their own science that your you got to know scientifically that you’re never going to bring them back by laughing at them not that they’re not funny and it’s but but but but but but but but if that’s your goal if it’s your goal to bring them back then you got to know as a scientist that that the way to bring them back as you’re going to have to go way more than what’s fair in their Direction like they’re not going to meet you halfway as one of them there’s that there’s a guy that’s that’s interviewed in it whose experience is something he’s a physicist at Caltech that actually wasn’t recognized because I was on a panel with him at Rick and Morty science panel
get an interview and he said he was such a he had such a cool it didn’t like so many cool things to say a lot of the scientist in the documentary have that it’s like it’s like there’s this Evolution it’s being forced upon us where it’s like hey man and like okay so now we’ve got this other danger is like there’s going to be people that are going to be so like Revenge of the Nerds happened it’s over the Nerds are in control now there’s like people gathering in little clusters who are suffering from confirmation bias and whatever it’s called Kepler Alan Parsons Project disorder whatever they turn overdrive
the documentary does a really good humanizing job of illustrating that absolutely perfectly next showing their little meats and and end and unlike editing it in such ways where there they just everything kind of becomes really clear and humanized everybody and and there’s there’s scientific communities where its version of being a scientist now is like they’re you do you know is is is talking to each to each other science scientist that are qualified that know everything talking to each other and say what are we going to do about these guys they’re not going away they’re not in chanted by us there it sits there waiting for everyone to get so into fucking logic that they that they flock to us and I love working on Twitter Professor Brian Brian Cox he engages in Flat Earth Earth was once in a while it is hilarious
because he just shows them images and shows them like like and did you give them a reason but they only see that reason than that logic as as proof that that there’s something to fight against is it really great sequence in this documentary where they they one of the more scientifically minded people is explaining the difference between you know the point A to point B scientific process where as much as none of us why don’t want to be wrong if you’re a true scientist you’re like you’re like if I’m wrong I’m wrong and kind of moving forward to whatever conclusion is actually there and then him breaking down the very common reverse of that process where you’ve you’ve decided what your conclusion is and how you kind of weird things out in backwards paint this Arrow from from b-2a and been while he’s explaining that you’re you’re editing it with a conversation with a wonderful charm
human guy that I don’t want to see suffer it was explaining that they’re so into flattered that they bought a $20,000 gyroscope they raised the money because they knew that if the if the if the Earth really was round that you should be able to get a gyroscope that would register a 15 degree per hour shift in the in the Tilt or whatever and they just those things are really expensive so they raised the money and they get this $20,000 gyroscope in the mail and they and they open it off and as soon as they open it up they turned it on and it’s registering of 15�� an hour shift and then they start putting it in different containers made of different things to Shield it from the glass Dome above us because they’re explaining that process which is an adventure to him an adventure that starts with like a I know what windmill is what and
a table but they’re editing it back and forth on some explaining this is how this works like you you know that the Earth is flat so now getting this gyroscope is just it’s like the Joker escaping from our come it’s like a job to do you got to figure out how to how to defeat him and and so they’re trying to figure out and that reminds them of experimentation and Science and it’s because it looks the same thing but what you’re doing is it at a state like that guy is like they’re there is he’s at he’s at he’s at these meetups in there like he’s having these like private conversations over in the corner of the bonfire party and he’s kind of explaining to somebody like yeah it’s not going to bring up the gyroscope this year at the Flat Earth, and it’s too big but kind of a bugbear
I got to do some more experiments and I asked him 20 questions he gave me 20 answers that he had ready to go we’re all of them
number one here’s the number one but top five
we’ve done this before but like a diabetic now you’re using navigation right now on your phone to get me from meltdown to the drawing room
pick a number 19
what are the word fascinating things is of course as you might expect the division like you have all the solidarity but then the divisions the infinite plane people from the pheasant under glass people I don’t know how they differentiate but like there’s a there’s like as soon as you become a prominent Flat Earth or any other podcast that like people follow now you’re a dispenser of information which by virtue of the same kind of Oppositional Defiant like engine the power and the religion of the group and I would say if you’re a woman and if you’re reasonably attractive like this one woman is in this thing like she’s she’s she’s easy on the eyes and she has like a Skype podcast with this other guy who is like literally lives in his mom’s basement but you don’t you don’t really like hate these people you’re just sort of like how you guys are cute and and there cuz they’re good-natured of me and they just happen to think the Earth is flat in there truly dedicated took the crazy thing is like then the the
wreath dip they take into the dark Forest of okay here’s what it’s like to be a woman and be a flat earther because immediately the last the last three letters of her first name rcia cuz she’s Patricia so I mean that’s just asking for it her last name is steer so she’s a honey pot that’s been sent to seduce flat-earthers and steer them the wrong way toward the NASA government thing like everybody’s a robot and everybody’s day of conspiracy the factory office or whatever like okay alright what’s your name we got to change that in the linchpin to conspiracy theory universes that the Illuminati loved bragging because if they didn’t loved bragging so much of this shit wouldn’t make sense of the end of the day I like why would they put the ghost in Tom Selleck
living room in Three Men and a Baby they want us to know
why would they let this copy of
crawling with 911 prediction when you soak a tortilla chip in the salsa if I’m repeating a thing from previous podcast in pocket but Rob I told the driver because we’re all just please just flat discs that are casting shadows and like every time he had an answer answer but he had an answer and I said let’s say you and I a hundred miles apart on the equator and walked due north
I’m saying that at one point you and I would meet each other because we live in a sphere and he goes no we would keep walking straight I go and then what would happen at the end he goes as we fall off and he goes no because there’s a ridge at the end you can’t fall on I meant I said and I said you’re not a moron seriously what do you think would happen he goes I’m going to fly you and me we’re going to be a hundred miles apart on the equator and walk around if you pay for it I’ll do it that’s how they get you a margarita
I some of these guys to the hotel so some of them bought me a hotel like a gyroscope guy and then they have another experiment that they want it that they’re doing and it dropped the movie where they’re like look we’re so convinced they can they come up with the scientific idea we’re going to take three beans we’re going to put them they found a place for us to get 3.8 miles of space to play with here we’re going to put three beams equidistant from each other a long is 3.8 Mile Stretch 3.8 miles will equate to a certain amount of if the curvature was in that within a certain degree of curve and so but they’re going to prove that that curvature doesn’t exist by taking a laser and shining it through you know three holes on these things and if the middle middle one is bigger than going through the Earth is flat and so are you like a scientist
hearing about that later they just described the thing and he’s like okay well as it okay alright yeah they’re fucked it sounds like they’re they’re in trouble like like like that that’s a real experiment that you can do they’re going to prove that the Earth is round accidentally and they’re going to be bummed out and I won’t spoil it but trailers the Earth is round
how many different camps in like even just sort of culturally in that case it’s that it’s not as much as I thought it would be it’s just like I’m going to sharpen my Bowie knife and blame the Jews for everything and it’s Bixby feel empowered to do the scientific equivalent of saying I don’t know that do you know that I Didn’t Do It For Joy and in for some of the people who like the engineers they’re like they’re out there doing these Boy Scout its experiments with they’re going to but the only thing about it is that they’re not going to take no for an answer there is there going to be cuz then it’s very interesting and Analysis about concept to like where it’s like what would you actually do if it was these guys they have they have a word shows they give each other Awards either experiencing Joy they’re experiencing I wish I’d called would take me
that that’s the joys you see these groups together like it’s not that Comic-Con is similar but it is similar about you will see people together that you would never see together and it’s a it’s a great thing so like I hear you on like you don’t want to wake them up but the end the end the end of the documentary does take responsibility with some minor piano chords of a certain point when it touches not like these people have children
you know and that’s not funny it’s it’s it’s it’s not fun it’s like it’s cute you’re you get caught up and like this is cute this is cute this is cute and then it’s like the children with what’s his name
it is like 9 I was like yeah alright moving on boy we got so much to cover I’ve already talked about this here we go
after a commercial break
we’re going to go back Dan’s going to blow your mind with the second half already talked about this last week I talked about wrong place wrong time this is another true-crime linguistic saying I would like to alter a wedding irritates you you don’t like it I you don’t like it
find words
get off my bet your new mug Rob get off my lawn when I get off my lawn get off more everybody get off my lawn or your words or you would get off voice on
wait wait wait Dan Dan doesn’t like something that’s everybody listen up
I didn’t deserve that at all
no no no go ahead restaurant and stopped for a marathon a bicyclist and the last one takes my truck I fucking waited and I got chicken to move you guys are just going around trying to act Italian
I’m sorry that you that that was shity is British accent
I’m going to do this for at least 30% by the way
Art Van. What’s on your mind
look I just I’ve said it before I’ll say it again
I think that would wear dealing with children’s undergarments in True Crime shows okay they can all be under where I don’t understand why are three year old missing girl if you find her underwear why do we have to call them panties I don’t I don’t like I’m not I’m not saying if you’re a parent and you call your toddlers underwear if there’s a girl I give you feminized the underwear ads buy just the forensic thing or two and then we took the panties and we look for semen am I I just like why are they why do they have to be kids if they can just be underwear that’s not going to be an inaccurate way to describe them it’s not going to no one’s going to go like what did she have a dick late like
they’re still underwear panties is just a kind of substrate of underwear that we used it when we want to feminize under guy hope I hope at this point we cut to me and Spencer doing that me and he’s at but it’s just like remember the JonBenet special and unlike got got got to love them Henry Lee like like a rockstar. John Benes in the semen staying on the summer semen on the panty and it’s like I feel like they did the rainbow special and then I got special
what is it if it’s not a series or a movie
I want to hear the word panties anymore unless you’re over a certain age and I’m going to go you I don’t want to die on your panties I don’t like I don’t like it panties of the weird words just to begin with panties look like you can retire that shit yeah
Pacific called bakies
if I make an omelette that’s a cookie too
where did cooking come from that had to be the same cookies at that seems fucking way too sweeping for me you never cook a cookie do you bake a cookie
cookie kids
what’s up Seinfeld
who is ever popped
Tompkins Cortland College sweaters
panties is like remember
I think she’s I think she’s
anybody know how this Captain Marvel movie did this weekend anybody here and that’s why they make 1 billion dollars the consistent thing right now in March which is supporting women’s month it’s good because now statistically women’s movies make more than men’s movies so let’s make more when it’s will these and get that sweet sweet paper
all right I agree we can make the old tradition is like the ladies movie Flowers forgotten love and then you’re like the chauvinist male is like a chick flick or whatever but it’s like there’s so much steam behind the idea that if Captain Marvel’s a woman and we’re making progress It’s like the guys could just if they could just call in the fuk down and sit back with your getting on a silver platter is like they’re doubling their their their their their control over their dead that they’re their hegemony cuz like now they’re their girlfriends going to be like I want to go see Wonder Woman and it’s like well thank god there’s in it would take your fucking do the blessings
get the hell out of that tooth Bank
Chase Bank sorry what were you saying that was the movie coming out where he was bit by a radioactive is Mama sent them down to the farthest room the boiler room but there were drug dealers down there that were using the boiler to hide Contraband but what they didn’t know is that the Contraband was actually like I knew it was like a new designer drug that was using lexcorp funded like microwave radiation and the it made the boiler blow ups and giving him the power to speak the truth so you’re just going to rip off the Jackson 5
same premise that’s our power to speak to the arm and fucking you. Keep the leftovers what happened to Rockwell man I feel like there’s these times in life where you make just enough money in your life all right I feel like that song
Rockwell and I took a shower and I got Michael Jackson comes I just want purple rain again and what’s his name of the Morris Day that’s his movie he steals left for me and some of the David Bowie is not a great actor he’s a great performer yes but fucking Morris Day of these good prank break up just before that movie came out like
no I felt like they were together for a little while cuz the ice cream album ice cream Castle after that let’s be together
interracial eury
the buckin bird but he was all about the Kashmir
are camel hair what was it that was it was like he was like he had the white fucking coat on but he was the it’s crazy because it’s a it’s too hair bands basically going at each other in Minnesota and there’s a rivalry and he’s the best guy greatest job in all of music it’s a hold a mirror for Morris Day the album is I take me with you on so that’s part of that song
to be around you also that you’re Shear Perfection and then thank you you don’t get that kind of reciprocity like like I said healthy it’s self care it’s like it’s quite like the therapist was in the wandering through the studio that day was like clay clay clay clay shoot that we were going to cut that she’s not supposed to say thank you it’s just you know why she said that she felt complemented keep it in the same therapist told James Brown
jump pack first test I didn’t even write down panties I knew I was going to remember that
it’s a weird word is here at all the time. I found a new true-crime podcasts
what’s that strange one
what weight what’s your beef with lobster Rob together and it doesn’t describe a mobster out of work. Going to be logged into water and I love it how do you feel about hamster I love that to you like you’re like hamster gerbil gerbil do gerbils are in the wild he was Hitler’s propaganda Minister I think
are there turtles in Roosevelt or they just like pigs
the greatest bird he is staring at you and you refuse to look at 90%
oh no
gerbils are really mean hamsters that don’t do tricks where is a hamster can like fill its side pouches with food a gerbil is like a domesticated rat wow my mom with the daycare center teacher and gerbils has so much money in a man of Harlem man was the daycare center teacher the under page like like I just wanted to warn you that Lex Luthor is up to no good again I wish you was doing something like Anthony’s kids girl that’s your job to take care of the children while I fly into the sky we need you more than ever right now
you stupid
I will never eat your pussy whatever listen you don’t need to double date with me and lanita this week and he wants to see you got to make us look good cuz he said he’s better than you because he can swim
I am not getting my hair wet sorry sorry sorry this is great but
hahaha okay I thought about bringing up this before and I said I don’t want to interrupt but now I do so okay so now what you were referring to like Aquaman was like a punch line that why didn’t it why didn’t Aquaman like go to Batman go what can you do can you breathe underwater can you talk to fish no you’ve got a car go fuc yourself
yes I can do it forever how about you you can oh you bought your way into fuck this shit but but wouldn’t we ate hold your breath underwater
If I Was Your Man
call Manuel Lopez you got to turn to channel 38 did you see Aquaman it goes in a really weird directions starts off with a lot of weird shit I’m going to grow a beard I don’t give a shit in my eyes but I’ll look good when I come out of the water
talk to the fish maybe you should listen the SUV of worms
fucking shots fired look alive fish tanks in like like you want to be able to see over smaller cars big deal I would like I would like to talk to you like a like a like a like a seahorse I’m just fucking school you playing? And said I have one of those
marine biology
Why is the
jellyfish I guess because they’re just a bunch of snot that lives forever for that job like you can’t fuck up a jellyfish unless it runs into a boat like they live forever their immortal jellyfish man you should get on that you’re doing all this superhero stuff. Doing any you’re doing it you’re doing it
road rage man in their short story bully
thank you very much David stupid
and I’m on your side sir I believe that you are absolutely correct.
Is in Portuguese man-of-war to Lisbon if you could have done if I can to light skin to play but Portuguese Man O’War there they’re saying that Will Smith is too light-skinned to play it right there Williams Dad after just having played a blue genie I don’t know what the fuck you can you can’t not make people happy
we have talked about the whole like what was the Shazam Alibaba Sinbad like things that Millennials were they think that they’re living in a parallel universe because they think they remember a movie but it seems clear to gen xers what’s going on is the they’re just racist like that they’re kind of like they conflated like a kind of like different types of things are like there’s a guy named Sinbad’s and then there’s like this thing right
also not real bears
The Berenstain Bears crawling with 9/11 did anybody did anybody ever did anybody ever you know did we ever activate anybody to look into that had paw click well like Barron Trump traveling through time sorry how do I how do I link you up there was it Rob found a thing it was like a YouTube video by a guy who who found a book published in the eighteen-hundreds about a kid named Barron Trump who travels through time and becomes the last president or whatever I’m getting some details wrong but just a lot of sources said that we were wrong
was that isn’t an actual thing for 1900 or the last president that is about a a little boy who is called Barron Trump who get his mentor is named the Don and he lives on 5th Avenue in New York or Trump Tower or is it and is it legit or is this is so apparently yeah I mean like I’ve been when I mean we don’t really know any night so weird
I think we were hoping that in a world where if I clear my throat wrong there’s 10 paragraphs written about it that we could maybe use that energy in our favor and leg have people you know go out and research this thing but they really commenting on you that way either they really were my born and raised but I stumbled through there because it wasn’t like lethal like an uplifting feeling you probably shouldn’t live your life you probably shouldn’t have shit you refuse to do and places you refuse to go that’s probably no matter what as much as much as that feels like self-care at certain points and maybe temporarily that’s a good measure like withdraw from something with build a wall but
the it did probably put you probably don’t want that there forever cuz it’s it’s going to it’s like I’m having a cast on your leg you’re going to what did you discover and I just looked through it I was like what was it that bad what is it what’s the worst timing to say he’s a Despicable asshole like what was prove it
so are you
not right now so it’s it’s it’s better to read it from a position where you are like deer lake lake lake let you know somebody like there was a thread where somebody was like I hate this Reddit Behavior put it like like or satisfy a question from you just like this isn’t going to be a real question other than what is it you find a chicken when I’m not doing anything that would make me accountable to an opinion and and stating it in a healthy weight
formation we please please tell me tell me how to enjoy harmontown and what was nice was just like just like a gentle Cascade like like of of a bunch of people going sounds like it’s not for you and it was like like oh that’s got to be the result of a cultivation of something even if it’s just wearing people down just a rosian of the human psyche but like like just it was just like a million people going like yeah I don’t I mean yeah don’t why would you why would you get on the internet listen to something and then let. Don’t don’t sounds like you hate it get out of here. Get out of here late but just peed and then and then least within their people going like yeah what are you going to do to talk for 2 hours a week for 80 years like what it would have been a terrible time at one time was who cares like they’re they’re the Facebook group actually mobilizes raises funds does things reaches out to each other if they like treat each other like family
is less like shit talking it’s actually super interesting to see which way which medium Brandon’s face Johnson original book of names but it is cool to see like that versus the Reddit they are the same it’s the same fan base but they’re two totally different kids but those cats are like on Facebook there like we’re raising money for and someone still feels down so let’s let the window little love forces some of the criticism that we receive on Reddit
I had an epiphany cuz I listening to this new podcast like Cody and I call him Asperger detective way to get the title of the show is called a cold case, it’s like you is title it’s like Cold Case murder files are so it’s like the most generic thing and it’s just this guy his name is Kyle something and he’s like everybody it’s me, and I’m going to try I’m going to tell you about the JonBenet Ramsey case and this is a very curious about it is that it’s all about Evolution swarming and the redirection of light for and and he’s so so Spectra me that it all goes continually almost to the point of sexy and before plummeting into
we like I had to have an epiphany while Cody was reading his iTunes reviews because I was like people are going to be mean to this guy because he sounds like he’s sucking on a Jolly Rancher all the time like that the microphone is like real close to his mouth and so there’s just started like
for a while he has this pattern where every sentence has to end like this and there’s all these explaining everything and I’m explaining everything and I was like I was like listening to these things and I was cringing on his behalf but and then a toning with that that Cosmic Force because I was like oh boy I sure hope that this doesn’t affect you
and I think you did because what good would that do I mean
outside of like if he was like I should take the Jolly Rancher out as I can you I think you can hear him like I think you can hear him start to like try to force himself today I think he is like we were Cody and I are analyzing a guy I think he did is seeing some of the stuff in it is maybe hurting him or not but in any case he’s like adjusting and but but the most important thing like like like like I don’t know it’s like fresh eyes on this concept of like people happy like talking about him because he’s a product he’s put himself out there if we have 13 listeners Jeep Patriot Patriots Patriots patreons in but people are drifting through and they’re like they got a lot to say some people have a lot to say about how deep and thoughtfully is some people really go for the jugular
about his very on on the cuff flaws and it was just sort of a educational process for me to go okay I hear all that I can laugh at all that I can I can observe the same things are observing but God what a tragedy it would be if he let any of this like fuck up his day I don’t know I guess I don’t think I’m able to articulate my toilet then putting myself back in the position where it’s like oh wait a minute you’re a fucking dude like putting this thing out it’s a chronically like it’s like you’re a Build-A-Bear you’re a you’re a character you’re a thing like people want to be able to talk about you and they don’t want none of them would want you to ever be like oh well that’s going to make me change everything about my life or I’m going to I’m going to kill myself now or I’m going to stop doing this or start doing that because they would be like what what what what part of me live

didn’t you understand I’m just like the the internet is where you can just type about the stuff that I’m just a couple of your holes like sucking your shit in and I got nothing to say so I may as well say about this like I didn’t want you. If I can have an opinion about the human species because because of the stuff but I can’t figure out you know it would put your motivation is like I don’t think anybody wants you in the subreddit really like because as much as they be excited that you were there
in the long-term to be like when we supposed to like police myself and talking about oh I hate it when he talks about this or when he does that a little bit because we really are doing the best that we can and we make how do we make a product and sometimes we dip in there to see how the products did not receive cuz we want to make sure people wanted to have to worry about that they go to their own Thanksgiving dinners Uncle Bob heard you talking about the Packers and now he’s throwing a fit fit in the kitchen it’s like that’s the thing that people are getting away from when they consume other people strangers l o I actually if anything they liked it like I think they either you pour more into it in terms of like love and hate and like judgment and opinions and stuff it’s like actually a reflection of how far how hard you try to get away from the mess that is your own life
like oh I hate Becky on the home shopping channel when she wants that horn like you’re just you’re engaging in consumption if you keep it at that level would you start to make a personal though it’s certainly something that you need to question your motivation because like when I opened my mouth to speak and turn on make people laugh or or or do something decent versus like somebody who thinks they’re crafting some incredible shit talk that’s a whole different beast at which point you’re sort of calling yourself out there’s a there’s a point that you made that I agree with which is like you’re you’re trying to run away from your own shity life by talking shit and I definitely think people should be allowed to talk shit I want to get personal you got to ask yourself am I am I the gating that this person has experience is that they’ve been through that my comment might actually trigger like I don’t want to shit on I’m not necessarily David Hasselhoff fan but I’m not going to be like
who has lost album not going to make an account in a fake name just so I can get on a Yahoo chat board and go David David Hasselhoff sucks and here’s the 15 reasons why like at that point David Hasselhoff baby needs to call you up and say you outside cuz I’m outside there is this part where I’m like if you’re so creative with your words why the fuck would you choose to put me down as I travel a lot and I go on Yelp all the time just to find a place to eat and I couldn’t find some vegetarian food or find the bar find it’s like a place like that Scott this is that what it would have been craving Italian food whatever and I go in Yelp places that I know that I like like you know I always go to this place in Seattle and I always go to that that these two places in Portland and awesomely they have bad reviews
because like that like means the assholes I ain’t going there I can you read the bad reviews and it was some douchebag that had a bad date and I can make he won’t be there but like I know that I can have fun in that place because like I don’t want to see like seven thousand Five Star Wars like that sometimes the negativity helps you filter out the detritus is like key to our species problem as we join as we’ve moved from the realtor digital like that is just absolutely the key is this concept of anonymity because where we are I I have had my career affected by Anonymous people that is something we’re supposed to reserve for black-and-white photographs in certain sections of history books that because that is a brick through a window you know like the reason why Facebook
kind of heralded the mass migration of our parents to the internet was because what they perceived there was something different from Myspace which was oh so I know who I am and I know who my uncle is and if I’m playing Farmville I can stay there is there that did this idea that we could actually just move what we’re accustomed to over onto a digital platform and then it’s like it’s as if we’re in the right now we’re in the worst of Both Worlds because we’re we’re just in this process of spending all of our time online but we we were online is currently a place that it the ratio of anonymity to importance is really something that unlike any culture we’ve ever experienced I just think it’s like Carnival when we were in Venice and we were learning about the history of this concept of Carnival where it was like oh they did this one thing and they thought it was a one-time thing and then like the
the nobles were like we should do this for a month like we’re masks and raped people ya like like like like all of this culture like started till I can overtake the city where it was like everyone was like yeah this is great we should just all do this all the time I’m a bird I’m not John I’m a bird and like I do what birds do and it was like it was a sort of like remember learning about it and being like this sounds very this is what I what we’re experiencing right now where it’s like there is a nativity scene is it in some respects like it’s it can be like a super-powerful liberating sing but it over all the idea that it I think it brings out really really terrible things like the lack of accountability good monkey is the fear of all the monkeys beating you update they stayed they did experiments with Bots where they tried to create politeness box where that would detect
inflammatory language on Twitter come into a conversation and say hey this is much easier to program a bot this way than it is to like a bot that is also easier to just like to text Trump’s name in those comes in and goes like nothing Burger boobs AIDS but but they they made they tried using box that would like to text like sieve like energy inflammatory conversations and come in and just be that person in a in a conflict that says to an aggressor hey this other person’s a person even though ironically the body is not a person maybe you should think of them as a person that kind of stuff just guard or something like that or maybe like one of those like a speed trap in a cop car where it’s like they don’t have enough cops so they they just they actually do just want people to slow down they don’t want to give tickets so we just put a mannequin in a cop car but and what they found I think it’s very interesting which is that
it is absolutely the box work is it that you’ll get you’ll get you’ll get people to backpedal cool down all these things if the bots in addition to doing that has a ton of followers he is an absolute direct proportion between like if the buyer has two followers and comes in and says like everybody take it easy today they just they’re just tender on the fire is just another and if they have a hundred followers if they have a thousand followers if they have 10,000 followers it just gets proportionately like it’s more likely that this person who doesn’t know this person is there a bought that they have 10,000 delusory followers that person was more likely to check themselves before they wreck themselves and and and the definition of reckon yourself is quite simply like everybody has one Primal fucking chimpanzee fear which is you’re not going to live on your own if everybody gangs up on you and decide you’re a douchebag you’re going to be in the forest wandering around trying to figure out as a
monkey with there’s an ape with no tail like how to how to avoid spotted leopards when you even have your friends yelling at you your dad a chimpanzee kill each other they just they just send Bob Dole off into the woods they don’t bother to rip their nuts off unless they’re young and like trying to start some shit the old problematic ones they just go see you and I go for real me now because to be a chimpanzee and a live alone is to die and that is why solitary confinement is you know torture and Etc. So so so that’s the thing an anemone if you did that’s the end of it I think that’s that’s fucked up if you have pure and an 80 on the Internet or you taking an end-run around that shit and I think it’s also actually kind of uplifting if you can cuz you get you get you get an argument with Anonymous people and they can’t help but have
an attachment to their ego anyway their name is Abe’s but I’m here to piss off women 69 eat your pussy. Fucking fuck you like like like they’re just they couldn’t have made a clear decision that they’re what they’re going to do is they’re going to go and draw on the Internet it’s in the way that you use it are weird and I’m going to get on there with my bird mask and you you can have a conversation with one of these characters and like a lot of times like they’ll be like yeah but what about this
fucking kid like decided to be absolutely Anonymous they’re putting their wearing a scream mask and wearing a running around with a butcher knife and still a lot of them will defend themselves which should they literally were not an asshole why would you care about that when you did all of this but I was energy in the answer is because of that apps that fear that unites us which is fuck I’m I don’t want to empirically be found out to be a liability to the species because I will it’s like fun is fun and games are games and fantasies of lack of accountability are great
but everybody except sociopaths like they can be counted on to have that kind of fear and I guess I’m old but I’m kind of like can we start implementing this now too or at least can you please like you’re talking to someone who you know like their birth certificate is their username like that’s with what being famous means I’m not my name isn’t mr. fucking pickle dude I’m like I’m not doing a character I’m like a guy like I was born in 1973 in the name and the fucking thing and the barcode in the baby Footprints it’s my username on Instagram my girlfriend to like so you you’re punching down if you have an account that’s like a stick of pine tree up your pussy 210 to 47333 Trump forever and you’re just like your girlfriend’s a gold digger and your piece of shit and it’s like like like like that you have that power what are you going to fucking do with
did you give you wretched fucking little shit that I was when I was 11
we were like running across each other’s yards back then Leo is there anybody that could get off my lawn they’re like your evil or my brother that I got to fight like a monster house but the lawn is a the lawn me
the lawn is a mummy mummy lawn mowing the lawn
the grass is the is the rapping we walk bailon’s everyday and we just think of the semester but underneath all mommy’s or at least that one house I want I want a Pixar movie called Lawns and each lawn is like a celebrity in but there’s a lawn wants to be on another lawn
is it called The Grass Is Always Greener
it’s not going to work
it’s important that I have a place where I can work through these ideas yeah
thank God I mean if I if I was at home thinking about this I wouldn’t have any feedback I’d be like well maybe I should pitch this might end up on CVS forced to watch it your children might grow up to bring all these ideas down and then building a studio behind it and what if what if what if a tree what if it was like like what if it was Roots did you say a root root what are the routes are up in the air and then the tree was going down into the ground truth
all right moving on what about mail what about mail
like no one knows the secret life of mail my name Berry dropped off the mail and then Clay Evans like the voice of a catalog and he’s like oh that’s good
I can’t wait to get taken up to the dining room table and then there’s like a new character who is like I’m a citation or something I don’t know you don’t really have relationships with your mail what
what about a world sorry what I didn’t mean to
what are sleep-deprived what about a world where automobiles are wheels but instead of the but they have four little car okay alright see this is what I do got your wheels and they have four cars be coming as wheels wheels a car or is it fractal based is it like do the zoom in on the canopy what fractal what I mean like if you zoom in on the cars that are the wheels you’re not going to see you’re going to be regular cars
no not Wheel cars that I have little legs
describe the wheel for me on a car we see a car go by a zoom in on the front left wheel and what do I what am I looking at yourself I didn’t mean to take it to the lake lake just he tarries original pitch a picture of wheel place of that and then you go what the hell and then you’re like what are the what are the tires on this thing so there’s four of them so each of the four tires on that on that you look and then they have their little Volkswagen like skates like a like a big a big tire with the skates on each side
take the drawing away from the kid you know
do they make a car at the bottom of each wheel opposite day so everything would be the blade is where we sit and body with spin exactly parachute would open itself up and a person would come out the tree this could work with Jared this could be Cinematic Universe the tree grows down the roots go up and the wheel goes round and round and your plants what are you
every day every morning your plant comes over and pour you a glass of water
for years to not be president and they get blamed for everything
president you better do something but nobody wants to be what he wants to be the not president because they have to pay all the taxes for everything we do a scene from that movie where Jeff is Benicio del Toro as the curtain
I’m the curtain yeah and it’s opposite world so you know how that goes I will be Jean-Claude Van Damme of course as roller skate that is just the opposite roller skate we can get into that later so I’m an opposite curtain OK Google of course be
Will Smith I heard
from the audience
two two light-skinned to light-skin moral of this movie and is that the boys were I may just Opposite Day Will Smith Will Smith’s in your you’re a candle
and and Brandon is played by
Rosie Perez
I’m just ready alright Rosie Perez at your table
I’m just sitting here
and it’s opposite world so all of those rules are not what you think
and okay this is a Pixar logo is that lamp like stomping the eye or whatever that still happens and then never coming through clouds and then who are you who are you then I’m a roller skate and you and played by played by Michael McDonald this is going to be terrible what a what a wonderful day to be a roller skate
I like to roll around on my way to home
I am a n n i m a roller skate wheel that has tiny roller skates for each of four wheels that you saw that coming
but it’s dealt out piecemeal says that the audience can start to understand this world’s not normal here I’m going home can’t wait cuz it’s my birthday I am Jean-Claude Van Damme he wouldn’t identify himself that way I am by Merle I’m roller skate he precedes up his stairs to his house down his dares
good point. Somebody else’s house to go downstairs to someone else’s house
Luna that’s absurd
hello is me Rollie
hey rolly I’m just sitting at these people eating my lunch we
guess who’s birthday it isn’t
you don’t look a day under the window is there a opposite
whatever you do don’t let no man I’ll do that then because I am your best enemy cuz I hate both of you guys are you looking to buy guys I’m going to hit one of you is a guy and one of you
I’m closing the window which makes it open thank you and I hate you so much I hate you to read this without even being off of the Harold’s just talking hey it’s me I’m the candle I live next door and a burn in the wax at both ends here
I’m just a flame in the middle and there’s like wax on both sides made on the ground up words that’s great I’m on the phone I can’t see any of that don’t come over because we’re not having a funeral
be louder cuz I can almost hear my television so please be louder
don’t come over we would hate to see you I will the phone hangs up and then it rings
I just walked the fucking to the house that’s like a opposite of a candle to just walk in the house wait wait till I leave
and then you’ll get the way you’re behaving like an somebody should kill you one of these days it’s going to be me for you
I’m a curtain multiple minis for you curtains
well I’m here again as I always am to pick up my mail that was delivered at your place
I’m going to take these males and leave and after I leave I’m going to knock on the door
but then then we zoom in on the mail and then now it’s now it’s the mail spend how come you always always tucked inside of you Trader Joe’s has a coupon booklet and let me tell you something do you know who I am I’m Shari Ballard letter
I mean I’m the jury guy that tells you to be on the jury damn Trader Joe’s coupon book yeah I know I’m stuff inside the all the fucking time I am Xena the Amazon Prime princess
you guys are making me look so ugly and all I do is stare at myself cuz I Vanity Fair to use ever since we were putting that that mailsac you need to use you since Thursday
and it’s Friday Cena
Xena I thought I only I only heard stories about you I didn’t think you actually existed yeah I do that cottage cheese is that you get two for one now at Trader Joe’s I did not I did
little kids with this little box is it going to Russell property
mailbox doing cares about what’s been delivered in it just rip it out change it to the landfill tomorrow at 6 Cena Cena this is what this is our home for the next maybe a day or so until the person comes up and brings us into the kitchen table so no one’s going to ever get the mail and Sciences thing you got to stamp on me you put a stamp on me
you have to look at then stick it but now we’re going to be in a landfill nail story on Fox world has a self-contained non opposite shity email Pixar world yeah I do all right maybe a misguided maybe it was the best idea and I was like I had my brain kind of Frozen I was wondering what you’re going to do with that I mean I was outside I got to be who is your celebrity it was the worst Benicio del Toro
oh yeah I forgot
we shall not a charity
okay opposite opposite what wasn’t your question
now you’re not here are so not sorry what’s your question
what’s our favorite French we’ve ever been a real steel sound like my God I can’t keep them Earth from the game up half way through the favorite what’s your favorite prank or least favorite prank that you either have or haven’t been either the victim of or if perpetrated on another person or yourselves in I’m not I don’t why I really don’t know what the what the question is but I know my favorite prank show of all time was Alan Funt Playboy channel
Frank show because it was so humanistic don’t know none of the Marx wherever they they were just poor people that had clearly answered an ad that was like you do your job is to come in and answer the phones in this like office and and they never date they were just they would come in and they are already there thinking like oh I’m going to make $5 an hour answering a phone and then the voice on the other end is Alan Funt and then like a naked woman would come in or something just something that like really an impossibly thin amount of variation on the idea of like a naked woman coming in and going like
Macon Georgia and I was just basically like every man like like like answering the phone Alan Funt would call and see what the fuck is going on in there what’s going on and I love the poor person would just be like I don’t know she’s naked I don’t know she said she’s naked what the fuck
what the fuck
over there and it was yeah I know he said fuck every other word I mean
is happening and it was like a Talon front spoiler than the and then after a while they go hey Erin naked candid camera and the prison was great and then he give him more money than they do. They’re going to get involved in this one better our friend Drew Carey with on The Drew Carey Show with Drew head like a raptor season was going to go on a vacation and he had like an assistant and they had his luggage back stage and I think it was somebody in the prop department on The Drew Carey Show at Warner Brothers took an enormous like like foot-and-a-half long rubber dildo
and put a bunch of metal screws in it
and then put it in his bag so it shut off the motorcycle so when he got in through the security and apparently Drew when he came back didn’t talk to anybody going to set for a month the best of those one of the shows like guy Adam ruins everything I’ve never watched it then Mike McMahon went dead Rick and Morty’s register was like really funny but it’d be interesting to chatted with him and stuff it like up front like know who he is but never but hadn’t I think you’ll be interested to talk to you about the ins-and-outs of his show Absolutely season 2 of bunk’d so I have 15 pranks on various celebrities I’m just going to say the time we made Usher
we made Usher write a jingle and told him that his brother had stolen women’s clothing from a shop in Beverly Hill and then we had to stay with Mike and this is how we want the jingle to go Usher he thought he was raining a jingle to get his brother out of pocket with that lady of shoplifting and I’m a trouble and I was like a kid sin or some shit and we were like well you can get out of this if you write as if you sing the jingle for the store and she was like
it was his brother Niko’s
sexy man what you doing right now in the store stealing clothes is not sexy
if they had had a discussion prior supposed to do sexy things pranks did he write a jingle he did not I will just take the hit I’ll buy my niece Stephanie when she was like maybe 5 I was I don’t know 8 she was staying in the guest room in our house I went and got under her bed like an hour before she went to bed
this isn’t this isn’t a prank though and I and I tilted the mirror like a wardrobe kind of thing so I wish I was like 9 years old I was I was actually a picture of the reason I said oh no is because I have a 768 something like that and I told the mirror of the chest of drawers so I can kind of see up towards the bed and I was in there for an hour and it was uncomfortable and it’s cramped and I suck with her all the time and she came and got the bed and I waited another hour and there’s enough light to the wind out of night light so I can see that she was there and I waited till she was like settled in bed cuz she know she was like you know doing the thing and reading a book or playing with My Little Pony or whatever and then I wait until she was like just about falling asleep
and I I was there for 2 hours
and I went
I got that she left 15 ft off the bed turn the lights on and I got out of bed as I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
that was more terrorizing
I don’t know my brother will my brother I remember he wanted to scare my grandma
and he hid down in the basement starting a good idea for a really long time is my grandma bunny she recently passed away my mom’s mom and no no no no that’s her that’s her mom that’s that’s grandma Boucher but grandma grandma bunny like I guess my brother like head down in the basement cuz he wanted to scare grandma and she came down and she was doing laundry and he was just hiding and he was kind of biding his time and then she’s let the biggest fart out
and then he he started freaking out like laughing and crying and stuff and it was saying is that there’s like a delightful story cuz she was a little scared but it was like it was more like to scare an old lady like it’s nicer that she was like she was like and then he was like
as a yeah why are you putting all his energy into the hunters become The Hunted
thank you all we love you thank you for coming down the dynasty typewriter
go to sleep everybody go to sleep rap trap
Alzheimer’s care let’s give a big round of applause for our newly departed print-ready Stevens I love him and we miss him dearly
don’t have the time to take it out of my car payment and Christmas and we love you do still here with us I just have to tell her just say that your marriage Anaheim and everybody
that you got me
alright Zach McKeever with the beat
think I’ll drive fast take chances


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